Code 404 (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - Episode #1.4 - full transcript
The pressure is on in the latest assignment and failure could mean shutdown for Major once and for all.
Another lead
gone cold.
Yeah. Well, somehow, I feel
like we're getting closer.
Me, too, mate.
It's been lovely.
I meant closer
to cracking it.
Yes. Totally.
And then there's DIs
Gilbert and Ryle.
Do you know what?
I think those two are involved
in my shooting,
Operation Blue Finch...
everything.
What makes you think that?
Is it because I've just put
that picture up
of the two of them?
To be honest, it is mainly that.
No. Think about it.
We found the Jeep,
and they turn up.
We found Kristof dead,
and they pop up
before we've even called it in.
Yeah. Then they try
and blame it on us.
I say we take this to Dennett.
Walk in there,
lay our balls on the table.
Look. For one thing, the phrase
is cards on the table,
and for another, Dennett
told us to drop this,
and we still don't know
who we can trust.
OK. Then you really
should be keeping
this door locked?
Parfit, how did you find us?
You guys need to realize
I know everything about Major.
You know, where he goes,
what he does.
Have you put some kind
of tracking microchip
in me head?
Ha! Microchip? No.
No. You're paranoid, mate.
It's more of a nano transmitter.
Who still says, "microchip"?
See, I've got your location,
heart rate, metabolism.
This is bullshit!
I've definitely
hit 10,000 steps today.
- That's unethical.
- So is pursuing
a secret murder case,
so if you'd like me
to keep quiet,
perhaps you
would like to do
some official work now.
Let's go.
"Lay your balls
on the table"
is a snooker expression.
It's not one I've
ever heard, mate.
Personal protection detail?
Who we bodyguarding?
Former police commissioner
Chalmers has had
a number of recent
death threats.
She's head
of the AI ethics committee.
She decides whether or not
Major gets switched off.
Exactly why she requested
you both,
to watch you in action.
Genius! She'll see I'm shit up,
and I'll be safe.
She'll see how shit you are
and pull the plug.
Well, I've updated
his software,
so he shouldn't be shit--
Look. With all due respect,
your software updates
are part of the problem.
Well, this is all
very reassuring, I must say.
Oh, I see. You thought
this was a picture.
Should have said.
Let's hope you demonstrate
better observation
in the field, DI Carter.
Yes, ma'am.
Sorry, ma'am.
DI Major's actually
really very good at his job.
We won't detain you
any longer, ma'am.
Was she was always that arsey
when you worked with her?
You only turned
the picture off.
I can still hear you.
You're a pompous
arsehole, ma'am.
No. She's gone. Right.
Itinerary's in the file, boys.
- Get to work.
- Guv.
Oh, and Carver,
your transfer's come through,
Edinburgh division.
You requested a transfer
shortly after John came back.
I assumed it'd been
rejected, boss.
Nope. We'll be sorry
to lose you, Roy,
but I understand your reasons.
Feel the time's come
to seek new challenges.
Mm-hmm.
I assumed it was because you
were sleeping with Major's wife.
- Eh?
- It's just something I noticed
when I was going
through your e-mails.
- What?!
- Must be difficult for you.
Major dies, you shack up
with Kelly, Major comes back.
You're in a bloody
weird situation.
- I am.
- How did John take the news?
- About Kelly?
- Oh, God, no, no.
Nobody's gonna mention that.
We're a tactful bunch,
aren't we, Dr. Parfit?
I actually didn't
know about it.
Really? Where have you
been hiding?
No. I meant how did John take
the news about your transfer?
I haven't exactly mentioned it.
Well, no problem.
I'll tell him for you.
No. You're all right, ma'am.
I'll take care of it.
Thanks, boss. Thanks.
What the hell were you thinking?
Look. We were both grieving.
We turned to each other
for comfort.
Oh, not the wife thing.
Edinburgh.
You know you can't go, right,
because of the AI project--
The AI project has got a name.
Oh, yeah. I forgot. We're
talking about your best buddy.
That's the guy you're
abandoning.
That is the guy who will be
switched off
without you to help him out.
I didn't know that
when I applied.
OK. Well, now you do know,
so go back
and tell Dennett that you
are staying.
Like you give a shit about John?
You only want him to feed
your ego
so you can use him
for your TED Talk.
Well, at least I care about it.
Him.
Let's see how this bodyguard
thing works out,
and, you know, if he impresses
Chalmers,
then--then he'll be safe.
And if he screws up with her?
Well, then we can't
save him either way.
And it's not a TED Talk.
It is a series of podcasts.
Ohh!
Target secure. Commencing
security sweep.
Oh, you certainly know how
to sweep a girl off her feet.
Morning, ma'am.
I'm DI Carver.
We've been sent to escort you
to your meeting.
Excuse me, ma'am.
John, tone it down a bit.
Just doing my job.
What are you talking
into your sleeve for?
- I don't know.
- Stop it.
Sorry.
Can you, uh, think
of anyone
who may have a grudge
against you, ma'am?
Shit!
I was a police officer
for 3 decades.
The jails are full
of miscreants
with grudges against me.
You banged up
some nasty characters
when I was on your team, ma'am.
So did you.
We banged away
hard into the night,
didn't we, John?
And what about the officers
that served under you?
- Any grievances there?
- Oh, I don't know.
Were you satisfied, John,
when you were under me?
Thoroughly satisfied, ma'am.
May I take a look at
the threatening e-mails, ma'am?
Oh, be my guest.
"You'll get what's
coming to you, you evil snake."
Well, that's a bit
harsh, Roy.
She's only doing her job.
I was reading an e-mail.
Right you are.
You should definitely take some
sensible precautions, ma'am.
To be fair, that one's
not a threat.
It's just good advice.
Yeah. That was me talking
that time.
Got you.
"Vengeance is mine.
I will destroy you."
Jesus, Roy.
Oh, I get it.
Um, do you know what
would be helpful?
When you're reading out
a threat,
do it in, like, a bad guy voice
like, um...
You think your shit
don't stink, Chalmers?
Well, let me tell you,
it does.
Stinks as bad as our guts
is gonna stink
when I tears you to bits
and smears you
all over a pelican crossing.
Wow. See you've lost
none of your passion, John.
I feel safer already.
What was that?
- Ray Winstone.
- Excuse me, ma'am.
- Let me get the door for you.
- Thank you.
Go!
Will you pack it in?
John, listen, mate.
I need to tell you something.
You're leaving the unit.
You applied for the transfer
just after I came back.
I should have told you meself.
Yeah, you should,
but it's OK.
I get it.
I know why you want to leave.
I'm not blind, mate.
Because I'm overshadowing you.
- What?
- We've always been equals,
but now, here I am
back from the dead,
new and improved,
getting all the glory.
I'd feel the same
if you were the supercop
and I was the inadequate,
feeble, ordinary one.
Yeah, that's it, mate.
Yeah. You got it one.
But that's no reason
to leave me, Roy.
Uh, sorry to interrupt,
gentlemen.
You just drove past my meeting
two minutes ago.
Didn't want to worry you, ma'am,
but we've got company.
Blue Renault, Hotel-November...
What do you use for 6?
- Just 6.
- 6.
That's my secretary.
He doesn't know where to go,
so he's following us.
Any chance he's
carrying a grudge?
He's carrying my lunch,
I know that much.
Don't you worry, ma'am.
I'll shake him off.
No. I don't want you
to shake him off.
Your safety is
my paramount concern.
Now let's see how fast
this puppy can go.
Oh! Jesus!
Hold on
to your pants, ma'am!
Oh, fuck!
In your face! Yeeha!
Ha ha! See?
I lost your "secutary."
You definitely lost us.
Sorry your missed
your meeting, ma'am.
Who cares
about meetings?
I much prefer riding
around with you, John.
DI Major's normally
very professional, ma'am.
Let's acknowledge the elephant
in the car, shall we?
I'm the chair of the committee
deciding on your future.
Let me assure there is
no cause for concern.
You're not switching me off?
I've been fighting
your corner hard, John.
You'd have to do something
pretty spectacularly awful
to be decommissioned now.
- Like what?
- Let's not give him
any suggestions,
shall we, ma'am?
Oh, that's great news
that, mate.
Yeah. Now you can abandon me
with a clear conscience.
Don't be like that.
This is the goal
we've been working towards.
One of the goals.
We still don't know who shot me.
We're making progress.
Still can't stop thinking
about Kelly
seeing that other man.
While you were dead,
and it's over.
She told you.
Kelly and that other fella
were just...
two damaged people,
clinging to each other
in the wreckage of their lives.
- She didn't say that.
- Well, I'm paraphrasing.
Talk to her for me.
Find out how she feels about me.
- Why don't you talk to her?
- She won't be honest with me
in case it hurts me feelings.
I mean, with you, feelings
aren't a problem.
- Fucking hell.
- Kelly's got a soft spot
for you, Roy.
Please.
One last favor
before you leave me.
Fine. All right. Whatever.
Good lad.
Where to next, ma'am?
I don't know, John.
Surprise me.
Ohh! Who fancies
Chessington World of Adventures?
Ha ha ha! Hoo!
Where the hell have you been?
You guys took a 40-mile detour
on a 3-mile journey.
- Don't worry about it.
- Don't worry?
Well, he's right.
It's weird as fuck,
but Chalmers seems
really into him.
What do you mean into him?
I don't want to think
about the details.
Oh. Ew.
Ah. DI Major,
your wife's here for you.
Not for me, boss.
For Roy.
Oh! I see. So that's all
out in the open now, is it?
- No, boss, no.
- Is it one of those
polyamory things?
Because I wants saw
a Louis Theroux documentary--
No, no. It's just
a friendly chat, that's all.
Very mature of you all. Hmm.
- What's polyamory?
- Don't know.
Well, look it up
on your phone.
No. I best go and see Kelly.
- Judy--
- No. I'm just not--
Any chance you can arrange
a card and whip-round
for DI Carver?
Yeah, of course,
but I have to--
Afternoon, Robocop.
Heard you're working
for Chalmers now.
- Is it--oh, what's the word?
- Personal protection officer.
SATNAV. That's it.
Because
you're a computer.
Tell you what.
Can I just--
Not now, Judy.
What you got on the murder?
Kristof, the body in the flat?
You mean, the body covered
in your fingerprints,
that body?
We might want to talk
to you, DI Major.
Don't go far
from your desk.
In 20 yards, the destination
is on your left.
Just like a SATNAV would say.
Hee hee!
Dicks.
We're not really
pinning that murder
on Major, are we?
- Why not?
- Well, because we know
he didn't do it.
There's no harm in making him
feel nervous
for a while, is there?
Anything that diverts suspicion
away from us.
- Yeah, that's right.
- Yeah.
Every day,
you come in here,
and you ask me to do things.
"Judy do this, Judy do that,"
and every time you do it,
I tell you
my name's not fucking Judy,
and it doesn't make
the slightest bit of difference.
You'll come back in
the following day,
and you'll do exactly
the same thing.
I mean, I know it's not
the most important
thing in the world,
but I have got a name,
and it's not Judy.
Fuck me!
It all makes sense!
Finally!
See you later, Judy!
Roy!
I'm gonna kill him.
So we've done
a really, um, good job
of staying away from each other,
haven't we?
Yeah. John insisted.
What could I say?
I've, um, missed you more
than I--
more than I thought I would.
Uh, have you?
- Not really.
- Oh, OK.
I always knew
how much I'd miss you.
Ha ha ha!
I'm sorry it's been so messy.
You know, I made a vow
to John
till death do us part,
which he then did
but only temporarily.
I'm moving to Scotland, Kel.
What?
It's better.
We're all have a fresh start.
What about John?
- I'm not taking John.
- He's your partner.
John will be fine.
John was told--
No, no, no. He won't--
he won't--he won't be--
he won't be fine.
He'll be lost.
Look. This isn't
about John for once.
Yeah, I care about him,
but, you know,
I'm leaving for me
because I can't bear
to watch him with you.
The time we spent together...
was the best 6 months
of my life.
Why didn't you say--
why didn't you say
you felt so strongly?
Maybe I was about to
before your husband
came back from the dead.
What are we gonna do, Roy?
I told you.
I'm leaving, Kel.
Are you?
- Roy!
- Eh?
Roy!
I can lip-read!
Look. Shit. What me and Kelly
were saying, that--
What?! No, not you.
Gilbert and Ryle.
- What?
- Well, it must be an AI thing.
I can watch people
and tell what they're saying.
You were right. They basically
admitted being bent.
What a day!
I mean, first Chalmers tells me
that I'm safe.
Then the lip-reading thing.
All I need now is for you
to tell me
you're not going to Scotland.
I'm not going to Scotland.
Yes! Ha ha ha! Oh, mate.
But, John, I can't be
your partner anymore.
I don't understand.
Move it, boys.
You're needed!
Commissioner Chalmers
has received
a new and credible threat.
Get over there! Now!
"The hour of reckoning
is nigh."
Don't leave me, Roy.
Something about the way
this is written. What?
I can't do this
without you.
Yeah, you can.
You're a supercop, remember?
I'm the ordinary one.
Ah. My bodyguard.
Just what a woman wants
in a tight corner.
- I'm shit without you around.
- We'll talk about this later.
Well, let's face it.
I'm shit with you around.
I'm sorry.
Am I interrupting something?
- No, ma'am.
- I was saying how crap
I am, ma'am.
- No, he wasn't.
- Since I got back,
I've screwed up everything.
He's joking, ma'am.
I took illegal drugs,
and I dropped DI Carver
off a carpark,
and that was my first day.
I've misappropriated
police resources,
pursued unofficial cases.
I went to the morgue
and sawed a foot off a corpse.
I mean, how fucked up is that?
Well...
I had no idea
about any of this.
And do you know why not?
It's because Roy has stepped
in to save me every time.
Not every time.
Ready when you are, ma'am.
Stay between us,
if you would, ma'am.
Car's just up here
on your left.
I was only trying to show
how much
you mean to me, Roy.
Well, you shouldn't have.
Well, don't be like that.
Focus on the present threat.
There is no threat.
Killers don't say, "The hour
of reckoning is nigh."
The guy sounds more like a--
What?
This rampant scientism
will invite a heavy reckoning.
- "The hour of"...
- Reckoning...
"is nigh."
Something about the way
this is written.
Can you, uh, think of anyone
who may have
any grudges against you?
AI ethics committee.
I've been fighting
your corner hard, John.
What?
- Get down!
- Aah!
- Agh!
- It's OK, ma'am.
Stay down! Stay down!
- What are you doing?
- It's all right.
Cover Chalmers. Go!
Fuck a duck!
- Ohh!
- Fuck!
It's all right, ma'am.
DI Major will get him.
Yeah, unless DI Major is
one of the targets.
Agh!
Police!
Drop the weapon!
You're under arrest!
DI Major,
or should that be
AI Major?
Drop the weapon.
I missed my shot
at Chalmers,
but the good Lord has
delivered me
an even worthier target.
Aren't you forgetting something?
"Genesis," chapter 10, verse 8.
"Cush became
the father of Nimrod?"
I don't know, mate.
I'm just stalling for time.
Ugh!
Thanks for that.
Guess I was wrong.
Maybe you are a supercop
after all.
Yeah.
That's great, mate.
Get his hands, will you?
Give us your cuffs.
Others will arise
in my place!
You have not heard the last
of m--
Thought he'd never shut up.
Come on then. Move.
My hero, my savior, my Major.
Not a bad team, are we, ma'am?
Shame we won't be partners
for much longer.
Well, that mightn't be the case.
We're staying together?
We can't split up now,
can we?
Not while people are
trying to kill you.
Ahh.
Yeah! Ha ha!
That's not why you
changed your mind.
- Because of Kelly.
- What?
Well, she said something
to convince you, didn't she?
Ha ha ha! I knew she would.
That's why I asked you
to talk to her.
I thought it was because you
were worried
about the other fella.
No. Not worried about him.
She's got me back now,
hasn't she?
Poor bastard don't
stand a chance, does he?
Ha ha!
Murder, maybe even
double murder--touch wood.
No. Let's not touch anything.
- Ohh!
- Hey!
He stopped the head
of the committee
from getting shot.
How can they switch him off?
That'd make me a damn fool.
Have you got any evidence
for this?
That time you arrested
a horse.
Can't just nip home
for a potato.
This...is a nice potato.
gone cold.
Yeah. Well, somehow, I feel
like we're getting closer.
Me, too, mate.
It's been lovely.
I meant closer
to cracking it.
Yes. Totally.
And then there's DIs
Gilbert and Ryle.
Do you know what?
I think those two are involved
in my shooting,
Operation Blue Finch...
everything.
What makes you think that?
Is it because I've just put
that picture up
of the two of them?
To be honest, it is mainly that.
No. Think about it.
We found the Jeep,
and they turn up.
We found Kristof dead,
and they pop up
before we've even called it in.
Yeah. Then they try
and blame it on us.
I say we take this to Dennett.
Walk in there,
lay our balls on the table.
Look. For one thing, the phrase
is cards on the table,
and for another, Dennett
told us to drop this,
and we still don't know
who we can trust.
OK. Then you really
should be keeping
this door locked?
Parfit, how did you find us?
You guys need to realize
I know everything about Major.
You know, where he goes,
what he does.
Have you put some kind
of tracking microchip
in me head?
Ha! Microchip? No.
No. You're paranoid, mate.
It's more of a nano transmitter.
Who still says, "microchip"?
See, I've got your location,
heart rate, metabolism.
This is bullshit!
I've definitely
hit 10,000 steps today.
- That's unethical.
- So is pursuing
a secret murder case,
so if you'd like me
to keep quiet,
perhaps you
would like to do
some official work now.
Let's go.
"Lay your balls
on the table"
is a snooker expression.
It's not one I've
ever heard, mate.
Personal protection detail?
Who we bodyguarding?
Former police commissioner
Chalmers has had
a number of recent
death threats.
She's head
of the AI ethics committee.
She decides whether or not
Major gets switched off.
Exactly why she requested
you both,
to watch you in action.
Genius! She'll see I'm shit up,
and I'll be safe.
She'll see how shit you are
and pull the plug.
Well, I've updated
his software,
so he shouldn't be shit--
Look. With all due respect,
your software updates
are part of the problem.
Well, this is all
very reassuring, I must say.
Oh, I see. You thought
this was a picture.
Should have said.
Let's hope you demonstrate
better observation
in the field, DI Carter.
Yes, ma'am.
Sorry, ma'am.
DI Major's actually
really very good at his job.
We won't detain you
any longer, ma'am.
Was she was always that arsey
when you worked with her?
You only turned
the picture off.
I can still hear you.
You're a pompous
arsehole, ma'am.
No. She's gone. Right.
Itinerary's in the file, boys.
- Get to work.
- Guv.
Oh, and Carver,
your transfer's come through,
Edinburgh division.
You requested a transfer
shortly after John came back.
I assumed it'd been
rejected, boss.
Nope. We'll be sorry
to lose you, Roy,
but I understand your reasons.
Feel the time's come
to seek new challenges.
Mm-hmm.
I assumed it was because you
were sleeping with Major's wife.
- Eh?
- It's just something I noticed
when I was going
through your e-mails.
- What?!
- Must be difficult for you.
Major dies, you shack up
with Kelly, Major comes back.
You're in a bloody
weird situation.
- I am.
- How did John take the news?
- About Kelly?
- Oh, God, no, no.
Nobody's gonna mention that.
We're a tactful bunch,
aren't we, Dr. Parfit?
I actually didn't
know about it.
Really? Where have you
been hiding?
No. I meant how did John take
the news about your transfer?
I haven't exactly mentioned it.
Well, no problem.
I'll tell him for you.
No. You're all right, ma'am.
I'll take care of it.
Thanks, boss. Thanks.
What the hell were you thinking?
Look. We were both grieving.
We turned to each other
for comfort.
Oh, not the wife thing.
Edinburgh.
You know you can't go, right,
because of the AI project--
The AI project has got a name.
Oh, yeah. I forgot. We're
talking about your best buddy.
That's the guy you're
abandoning.
That is the guy who will be
switched off
without you to help him out.
I didn't know that
when I applied.
OK. Well, now you do know,
so go back
and tell Dennett that you
are staying.
Like you give a shit about John?
You only want him to feed
your ego
so you can use him
for your TED Talk.
Well, at least I care about it.
Him.
Let's see how this bodyguard
thing works out,
and, you know, if he impresses
Chalmers,
then--then he'll be safe.
And if he screws up with her?
Well, then we can't
save him either way.
And it's not a TED Talk.
It is a series of podcasts.
Ohh!
Target secure. Commencing
security sweep.
Oh, you certainly know how
to sweep a girl off her feet.
Morning, ma'am.
I'm DI Carver.
We've been sent to escort you
to your meeting.
Excuse me, ma'am.
John, tone it down a bit.
Just doing my job.
What are you talking
into your sleeve for?
- I don't know.
- Stop it.
Sorry.
Can you, uh, think
of anyone
who may have a grudge
against you, ma'am?
Shit!
I was a police officer
for 3 decades.
The jails are full
of miscreants
with grudges against me.
You banged up
some nasty characters
when I was on your team, ma'am.
So did you.
We banged away
hard into the night,
didn't we, John?
And what about the officers
that served under you?
- Any grievances there?
- Oh, I don't know.
Were you satisfied, John,
when you were under me?
Thoroughly satisfied, ma'am.
May I take a look at
the threatening e-mails, ma'am?
Oh, be my guest.
"You'll get what's
coming to you, you evil snake."
Well, that's a bit
harsh, Roy.
She's only doing her job.
I was reading an e-mail.
Right you are.
You should definitely take some
sensible precautions, ma'am.
To be fair, that one's
not a threat.
It's just good advice.
Yeah. That was me talking
that time.
Got you.
"Vengeance is mine.
I will destroy you."
Jesus, Roy.
Oh, I get it.
Um, do you know what
would be helpful?
When you're reading out
a threat,
do it in, like, a bad guy voice
like, um...
You think your shit
don't stink, Chalmers?
Well, let me tell you,
it does.
Stinks as bad as our guts
is gonna stink
when I tears you to bits
and smears you
all over a pelican crossing.
Wow. See you've lost
none of your passion, John.
I feel safer already.
What was that?
- Ray Winstone.
- Excuse me, ma'am.
- Let me get the door for you.
- Thank you.
Go!
Will you pack it in?
John, listen, mate.
I need to tell you something.
You're leaving the unit.
You applied for the transfer
just after I came back.
I should have told you meself.
Yeah, you should,
but it's OK.
I get it.
I know why you want to leave.
I'm not blind, mate.
Because I'm overshadowing you.
- What?
- We've always been equals,
but now, here I am
back from the dead,
new and improved,
getting all the glory.
I'd feel the same
if you were the supercop
and I was the inadequate,
feeble, ordinary one.
Yeah, that's it, mate.
Yeah. You got it one.
But that's no reason
to leave me, Roy.
Uh, sorry to interrupt,
gentlemen.
You just drove past my meeting
two minutes ago.
Didn't want to worry you, ma'am,
but we've got company.
Blue Renault, Hotel-November...
What do you use for 6?
- Just 6.
- 6.
That's my secretary.
He doesn't know where to go,
so he's following us.
Any chance he's
carrying a grudge?
He's carrying my lunch,
I know that much.
Don't you worry, ma'am.
I'll shake him off.
No. I don't want you
to shake him off.
Your safety is
my paramount concern.
Now let's see how fast
this puppy can go.
Oh! Jesus!
Hold on
to your pants, ma'am!
Oh, fuck!
In your face! Yeeha!
Ha ha! See?
I lost your "secutary."
You definitely lost us.
Sorry your missed
your meeting, ma'am.
Who cares
about meetings?
I much prefer riding
around with you, John.
DI Major's normally
very professional, ma'am.
Let's acknowledge the elephant
in the car, shall we?
I'm the chair of the committee
deciding on your future.
Let me assure there is
no cause for concern.
You're not switching me off?
I've been fighting
your corner hard, John.
You'd have to do something
pretty spectacularly awful
to be decommissioned now.
- Like what?
- Let's not give him
any suggestions,
shall we, ma'am?
Oh, that's great news
that, mate.
Yeah. Now you can abandon me
with a clear conscience.
Don't be like that.
This is the goal
we've been working towards.
One of the goals.
We still don't know who shot me.
We're making progress.
Still can't stop thinking
about Kelly
seeing that other man.
While you were dead,
and it's over.
She told you.
Kelly and that other fella
were just...
two damaged people,
clinging to each other
in the wreckage of their lives.
- She didn't say that.
- Well, I'm paraphrasing.
Talk to her for me.
Find out how she feels about me.
- Why don't you talk to her?
- She won't be honest with me
in case it hurts me feelings.
I mean, with you, feelings
aren't a problem.
- Fucking hell.
- Kelly's got a soft spot
for you, Roy.
Please.
One last favor
before you leave me.
Fine. All right. Whatever.
Good lad.
Where to next, ma'am?
I don't know, John.
Surprise me.
Ohh! Who fancies
Chessington World of Adventures?
Ha ha ha! Hoo!
Where the hell have you been?
You guys took a 40-mile detour
on a 3-mile journey.
- Don't worry about it.
- Don't worry?
Well, he's right.
It's weird as fuck,
but Chalmers seems
really into him.
What do you mean into him?
I don't want to think
about the details.
Oh. Ew.
Ah. DI Major,
your wife's here for you.
Not for me, boss.
For Roy.
Oh! I see. So that's all
out in the open now, is it?
- No, boss, no.
- Is it one of those
polyamory things?
Because I wants saw
a Louis Theroux documentary--
No, no. It's just
a friendly chat, that's all.
Very mature of you all. Hmm.
- What's polyamory?
- Don't know.
Well, look it up
on your phone.
No. I best go and see Kelly.
- Judy--
- No. I'm just not--
Any chance you can arrange
a card and whip-round
for DI Carver?
Yeah, of course,
but I have to--
Afternoon, Robocop.
Heard you're working
for Chalmers now.
- Is it--oh, what's the word?
- Personal protection officer.
SATNAV. That's it.
Because
you're a computer.
Tell you what.
Can I just--
Not now, Judy.
What you got on the murder?
Kristof, the body in the flat?
You mean, the body covered
in your fingerprints,
that body?
We might want to talk
to you, DI Major.
Don't go far
from your desk.
In 20 yards, the destination
is on your left.
Just like a SATNAV would say.
Hee hee!
Dicks.
We're not really
pinning that murder
on Major, are we?
- Why not?
- Well, because we know
he didn't do it.
There's no harm in making him
feel nervous
for a while, is there?
Anything that diverts suspicion
away from us.
- Yeah, that's right.
- Yeah.
Every day,
you come in here,
and you ask me to do things.
"Judy do this, Judy do that,"
and every time you do it,
I tell you
my name's not fucking Judy,
and it doesn't make
the slightest bit of difference.
You'll come back in
the following day,
and you'll do exactly
the same thing.
I mean, I know it's not
the most important
thing in the world,
but I have got a name,
and it's not Judy.
Fuck me!
It all makes sense!
Finally!
See you later, Judy!
Roy!
I'm gonna kill him.
So we've done
a really, um, good job
of staying away from each other,
haven't we?
Yeah. John insisted.
What could I say?
I've, um, missed you more
than I--
more than I thought I would.
Uh, have you?
- Not really.
- Oh, OK.
I always knew
how much I'd miss you.
Ha ha ha!
I'm sorry it's been so messy.
You know, I made a vow
to John
till death do us part,
which he then did
but only temporarily.
I'm moving to Scotland, Kel.
What?
It's better.
We're all have a fresh start.
What about John?
- I'm not taking John.
- He's your partner.
John will be fine.
John was told--
No, no, no. He won't--
he won't--he won't be--
he won't be fine.
He'll be lost.
Look. This isn't
about John for once.
Yeah, I care about him,
but, you know,
I'm leaving for me
because I can't bear
to watch him with you.
The time we spent together...
was the best 6 months
of my life.
Why didn't you say--
why didn't you say
you felt so strongly?
Maybe I was about to
before your husband
came back from the dead.
What are we gonna do, Roy?
I told you.
I'm leaving, Kel.
Are you?
- Roy!
- Eh?
Roy!
I can lip-read!
Look. Shit. What me and Kelly
were saying, that--
What?! No, not you.
Gilbert and Ryle.
- What?
- Well, it must be an AI thing.
I can watch people
and tell what they're saying.
You were right. They basically
admitted being bent.
What a day!
I mean, first Chalmers tells me
that I'm safe.
Then the lip-reading thing.
All I need now is for you
to tell me
you're not going to Scotland.
I'm not going to Scotland.
Yes! Ha ha ha! Oh, mate.
But, John, I can't be
your partner anymore.
I don't understand.
Move it, boys.
You're needed!
Commissioner Chalmers
has received
a new and credible threat.
Get over there! Now!
"The hour of reckoning
is nigh."
Don't leave me, Roy.
Something about the way
this is written. What?
I can't do this
without you.
Yeah, you can.
You're a supercop, remember?
I'm the ordinary one.
Ah. My bodyguard.
Just what a woman wants
in a tight corner.
- I'm shit without you around.
- We'll talk about this later.
Well, let's face it.
I'm shit with you around.
I'm sorry.
Am I interrupting something?
- No, ma'am.
- I was saying how crap
I am, ma'am.
- No, he wasn't.
- Since I got back,
I've screwed up everything.
He's joking, ma'am.
I took illegal drugs,
and I dropped DI Carver
off a carpark,
and that was my first day.
I've misappropriated
police resources,
pursued unofficial cases.
I went to the morgue
and sawed a foot off a corpse.
I mean, how fucked up is that?
Well...
I had no idea
about any of this.
And do you know why not?
It's because Roy has stepped
in to save me every time.
Not every time.
Ready when you are, ma'am.
Stay between us,
if you would, ma'am.
Car's just up here
on your left.
I was only trying to show
how much
you mean to me, Roy.
Well, you shouldn't have.
Well, don't be like that.
Focus on the present threat.
There is no threat.
Killers don't say, "The hour
of reckoning is nigh."
The guy sounds more like a--
What?
This rampant scientism
will invite a heavy reckoning.
- "The hour of"...
- Reckoning...
"is nigh."
Something about the way
this is written.
Can you, uh, think of anyone
who may have
any grudges against you?
AI ethics committee.
I've been fighting
your corner hard, John.
What?
- Get down!
- Aah!
- Agh!
- It's OK, ma'am.
Stay down! Stay down!
- What are you doing?
- It's all right.
Cover Chalmers. Go!
Fuck a duck!
- Ohh!
- Fuck!
It's all right, ma'am.
DI Major will get him.
Yeah, unless DI Major is
one of the targets.
Agh!
Police!
Drop the weapon!
You're under arrest!
DI Major,
or should that be
AI Major?
Drop the weapon.
I missed my shot
at Chalmers,
but the good Lord has
delivered me
an even worthier target.
Aren't you forgetting something?
"Genesis," chapter 10, verse 8.
"Cush became
the father of Nimrod?"
I don't know, mate.
I'm just stalling for time.
Ugh!
Thanks for that.
Guess I was wrong.
Maybe you are a supercop
after all.
Yeah.
That's great, mate.
Get his hands, will you?
Give us your cuffs.
Others will arise
in my place!
You have not heard the last
of m--
Thought he'd never shut up.
Come on then. Move.
My hero, my savior, my Major.
Not a bad team, are we, ma'am?
Shame we won't be partners
for much longer.
Well, that mightn't be the case.
We're staying together?
We can't split up now,
can we?
Not while people are
trying to kill you.
Ahh.
Yeah! Ha ha!
That's not why you
changed your mind.
- Because of Kelly.
- What?
Well, she said something
to convince you, didn't she?
Ha ha ha! I knew she would.
That's why I asked you
to talk to her.
I thought it was because you
were worried
about the other fella.
No. Not worried about him.
She's got me back now,
hasn't she?
Poor bastard don't
stand a chance, does he?
Ha ha!
Murder, maybe even
double murder--touch wood.
No. Let's not touch anything.
- Ohh!
- Hey!
He stopped the head
of the committee
from getting shot.
How can they switch him off?
That'd make me a damn fool.
Have you got any evidence
for this?
That time you arrested
a horse.
Can't just nip home
for a potato.
This...is a nice potato.