Cobra (2020–2021): Season 2, Episode 5 - Episode #2.5 - full transcript
Right now from every direction we are facing a different storm.
Who are these people, Fraser?
Mods. That's Audrey Hemmings' brother.
Of course, people are angry.
After what we heard last week about the Cyber-attack,
it is clear that this country is under systematic assault.
Firestorm.
I want to know who it is, and how we stop it.
Who is your handler?
You wanted a shortlist of my preferred candidates.
I don't see the problem.
Except for all of them being on the hard right of the hard right.
And Roger Hawkins?
We need to hold the seat, and I trust Robert's judgment.
My job is to make sure you make the best possible decision.
Well, maybe that's something overdue for reappraisal.
This assault on me isn't happening by unfortunate circumstances.
It's your job they're trying to capsize.
As long as Firestorm is spewing its poison,
this government will not tolerate that.
Well, that's one fire snuffed out.
Or have we stoked it?
A firestorm is caused by baskets of incendiaries and not a single bomb.
Neither the silencing of a lone patriot,
nor the disappearance of one truth-telling journalist
will stop the flames of truth from spreading.
Water may douse the flames, but who controls the water?
Think before you drink.'
Oh, my God, she has made me sound like a complete and utter idiot.
Well, I'm sure it's just -
Seemingly cloth-eared to current debates
on privilege and racial justice.
She moans about the size of the Downing Street flat
and claims that her infamous comment that posh, white girls
do not belong in prison was not understood in context.
I made a joke about the flat because the cameraman banged his head...
Come on, it's just...newspapers.
It's an absolute bloody disaster.
Look, er... Firestorm is back.
I have to go.
Well, are they messing with our water now?
Fraser is looking into it, Prime Minister.
And who snatched Hari Misra?
- Ask the people he pissed off with his scoops. - Including us?
Contrary to popular myth,
- and social media... - Maybe my wife's had him snatched
and is overseeing his torture somewhere.
That's what they're saying, I imagine.
Misra's recent output certainly means the finger will point at us.
And you're sure that wasn't your objective as well?
A little strategic own-goal.
Because I'm a bit doubtful as to whose side anyone is on.
We have done nothing to Hari Misra.
Not to make you look bad, or for any other reason.
We failed to pick him up, and even if we had got there first,
we don't have an assassination program,
as you know perfectly well.
Well, I'm beginning to question the merits of that.
- Especially with journalists. - We can announce a change of policy
on the Number 10 Twitter feed, if you like?
OK, keep me informed.
Thanks. Problems with the water down in Kent.
Oh, yeah, my brother mentioned that to me.
Been on and off for a while now, but the water company's saying
the pressure is completely normal.
Now there's stuff all over social media saying it isn't safe to drink.
Really?
Do...do you think it might be another...
Water systems would be a prime target for a Cyber-attack.
I'll speak to the intelligence chief.
They haven't flagged any malware in the system yet.
We are clearly under attack from a coalition of powerful state actors.
And they seem to be taking turns to occupy the driving seat.
The Foreign Secretary is not wrong, but first things first.
My counterpart at the American Embassy
has assured me that the Misra story
we intercepted from his computer about their involvement
in the ship explosion in Kent was fake news planted by the Chinese.
And what do you think?
We're still looking at the evidence.
Well, early evidence suggests that something odd went on down there.
Fraser mentioned some kind of sonic event.
Tensions are very high between the Yanks and the Chinese at the moment.
But would the Americans really...
Well, not deliberately.
But they could have been making a point to the Chinese
about their underwater capacities
with everything so on edge in the South China Sea.
And they did make it very clear
that they were unhappy with the drilling permissions
that we granted to the Jiayou Corporation.
I want reprisals.
Against the Americans?
No, not them for now until the facts are clearer.
But identify some targets from the other two
- who we know are behind Ruin Britannia. - The problem with that...
I know the problems. Keep it largely symbolic but not entirely pain-free.
A few surgical strikes that will make both Russia and China jump.
A central bank, TV network...
use your imagination.
I am not going to sit here and take this.
Did you ask the government about Hari Misra?
Yeah, they claim they don't know anything.
Maybe they don't.
Right, I will say a few words, announce your candidacy
- and then hand over to you. - What's all this about?
No idea. What's wrong with the tap water?
Nothing, as far as I know. What's a quantum algorithm?
No idea.
But I do know that you can put the word "Quantum"
in front of any old bullshit and all of a sudden it looks high status.
Any chance of a photo?
Good morning, everybody, thank you for coming.
As you can see, with me is Francine Bridge.
We'll take a few questions, maybe five minutes,
and then we really will have to move on.
Okay? But I really appreciate you coming.
Over to Francine.
Hey!
Who's drunk all the water?
There's water in the kettle still.
You know I'm not drinking that.
You don't believe all that crap that they're poisoning us with equations, do you?
Algorithms. Lin says it's actually quite dangerous..
Lin listens to Michael Buble, refused to get her kids vaccinated,
and is voting for that racist nonce.
She's also my best mate and Danny's godmother, so...
I'm gonna go and get some bottled stuff, just so we're sure.
Bring me back a KitKat, then.
Shut up, Kit-Kat. You're meant to be on a diet.
I've got a naturally high metabolism. I don't need to diet.
Ohh.
- Be nice to be able to see your cock again, though, right? - You tell me.
It fell off last week through lack of use.
Danny! Gonna go to the shops?
Are you really gonna drink that?
Yeah.
You're an idiot.
Don't be a mean old Jezebel.
Get me a Kit-Kat!
Yeah, yeah.
- Danny! - I'm coming!
First they came with their pills and vaccinations.
Now it's the water.
Ask yourselves this:
Why was the water supply suspended for emergency work on the water mains a month...
To carry out emergency work on a water main?
And why has the pressure been so weird recently?
Probably because someone's using buried malware to manipulate it.
They are making the data in the water plants
look normal to the technicians
while lowering the pressure to consumers.
Going for a slow drip rather than a drought,
which is even more frustrating.
As any man over 50 knows.
No coincidence, I suppose, they've chosen an area
where a bitter election is taking place?
Well, what's worrying me
is that they've teamed up to hit back
for this week's symbolic reprisals.
Ganging up and showing off?
Player One: World leaders in sophisticated malware.
Player Two: World leaders in misinformation and chaos.
Others turning the chips in their pockets,
waiting for the next spin of the wheel.
Why did it start, though?
Because that's what happens when you have the weapons,
and the conditions are right.
Spark becomes flame becomes inferno.
First World War could have been Prussian railway timetables.
On a happier note...
you know how scientists have developed weapons
that can immobilize you purely through a vile stench?
I am familiar with the concept.
They would struggle to find one that has as an impact
as strong as our new candidate from Kent has
on Anna Marshall's delicate little schnoz.
Have you ever actually been to Kent?
As opposed to figuratively?
Of course, I've actually been to Kent.
I'm not talking about a pint of prawns in Deal.
I'm talking about Medway towns where the real people live.
Oh, bad news, deal residents, you don't actually exist.
OK, I think it's a given that you two
aren't gonna be sharing a picnic hamper at Glyndebourne.
Can we just focus on the issues in hand?
Good call.
The opposition will attack us, if they have any sense,
on the housing issue.
Plus the water issue which has suddenly emerged from nowhere.
I'm not going to talk about housing plans or water.
You didn't put me in this seat to fight clean, and you know it.
So stop being hypocrites.
You put me in it to defeat a resurgent opposition
from winning a seat you can ill-afford to lose.
This election is going to be about one thing for me,
and that is stopping Francine Bridge from representing
a constituency totally at odds with her values.
- Which values are those, then? - Oh, what, you don't know?
- Mimsy, lefty. - Feminine?
Chuck it in if you like, Archie,
but I'll be appealing to the female vote.
One of the big mistakes you make is to assume
that everybody agrees with your values when it's just a handful
of media luvvies posting photos of their negronis on Instagram.
Negronis!
It's all about the Skinny Bitches now, Roger.
They had an open goal, but they gambled with her selection.
- Fresh lime, not cordial... - Anna.
And they're so desperate to get her back into Parliament,
it could be their undoing.
She's gonna be soft on all kinds of issues,
which I intend to hit her with again and again and again.
And that's how we're gonna win that seat.
Don't make it about race, Roger.
- Do not target that. - Oh. Don't worry, Joseph,
I have no intention of doing so.
I won't need to.
- Oh, hi, Rachel. - Hi, Anna.
I just...pwwwt!
Don't dwell on it.
She made me look like a complete idiot. I trusted her.
OK. Beginner's error.
It's happened to us all.
I did an interview once. They used everything I said,
but made me look like a simpering idiot.
Which I'm not.
Every joke, every suggestion of irony. I'm funny, Anna!
I know, you're a hoot.
I'm a harpy, a racist...
the wicked witch pulling her husband's strings,
when everybody knows that's you.
You'd be surprised.
Well, he is a bit jealous, isn't he?
Of whom?
Francine Bridge.
He worries you prefer her to Hawkins.
Newsflash. I do.
Yeah, but to Rob that's like saying you prefer her to him.
That's ridiculous.
Listen, don't worry about the response to the article.
Well, I'm just never going to be enough.
You know, the way I dress, the way I speak,
my body, the fact that I'm Jewish.
Yeah, Jewish lawyer, to boot.
Come on, you must be pulling strings somewhere.
Well, I had a Ukrainian oligarch murdered to spare my blushes
over some bullshit that wasn't even my fault,
so, you know, join the dots, sheeple.
Maybe you need a break, or something.
I don't know, go and visit Ellie?
I don't think I can live in this bloody flat for much longer.
Well, it's little more than a matchbox, after all.
I literally feel like I'm going insane.
- Talk to Robert. - I can't. He's got too much on his plate.
Talk to him, though.
It's not fair what they're doing to you.
Thank you, thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Thanks.
I'm gonna ask you a personal question, so don't be offended,
but anything happening between you and Misra?
No.
Had to ask.
But something really bad's happened, Chris.
The fire at his office, his disappearance, I just...
- Get back to London! - You poisoning our water!
Ah, it's like Burnley-on-Sea.
Spoken like a true woman of the people.
They're having a hard time deciding if I'm a metropolitan elitist,
- or a Moss Side drug dealer. - Bit of both, I'd say.
Ha! Chorlton, mate creative hub of Manchester.
There's a very ugly mood in this town.
And it's only going to get worse.
Yes.
I'm afraid I have some disturbing news,
linked to the water in Kent, Prime Minister.
And I was on such a winning streak.
A child in Rochester called Simon Drake
has developed amoebic meningitis.
And that's different from erm...
It's caused by a bacteria called Naegleria fowleri
that attacks the brain and is almost always fatal.
How did he catch it?
Well, you normally get it by breathing contaminated water
through the nose.
- And had he? - They're investigating.
It's very rare. Especially in the UK.
They wouldn't...it could be a coincidence.
But it's been picked up on by the trolls and the bots,
and they're exploiting it to maximum effect.
Prepare the COBRA room.
First the ship. Now the water supply.
Children are dying for this government's experiments.
Luckily, we will soon have an opportunity
to tell them what we think of them at the polls.
Justice for Simon. Vote nobody.'
What's that symbol they use?
It's similar to an image used by a Chilean fascist group
called Patria y Libertad in the 1970s, but they're long gone.
- Chile? - I recently reviewed Ellie's security.
How is the child doing?
ICU. Very poorly.
- What's the water company saying? - That the water is completely safe,
but that if people are worried, to boil it and avoid inhaling it.
- Who inhales water? - Showers et cetera.
The bacteria can't actually be spread by drinking
because the stomach acid neutralizes it.
Let me get this straight.
First, they fooled around with the water supply.
Then they started a blizzard of rumors.
And now they are telling people not to vote in the election.
Get our bloody candidate to drink a big glass of water.
Now, there's a win-win scenario.
- I'll get down there as soon as I can. - Is that such a good idea?
Well it worked for the solar storm. We can't run from the people.
As Mussolini discovered from the wrong end of a meat hook.
Enough with the wisecracks and smart-Alec replies.
- Does anybody see what is happening here? - We do.
One thing after another. Death by a thousand cuts.
I mean they're not even asking for anything.
It is like we've just become a fucking game board for them.
That's exactly what it's like, Prime Minister.
Problem is, now that it's started...
I'm not sure anyone knows how this game ends.
Yeah, well, I'm not going to hide behind a bunch of useless pawns.
Hit back hard.
- We've just done that. - Then try again. Harder.
It's like bloody Nuremberg down this close.
All these swastika things.
Nobody round here's gonna vote.
- I am. - Good.
A kid's dying because of what they're doing to the water.
There's one case.
Believe what you want to believe.
I've got more beliefs in case you're interested.
Vaccinations are a triumph of medical science.
Our dad died before one had a chance to save him.
And there's nothing in the water apart from hydrogen, oxygen
and a little bit of fluoride to stop your teeth from falling out.
I'm not interested, Audrey.
Just cos you went to college...
Yeah, I did go to college, Tina, yeah.
My dad wasn't a moron, and he thought education was a good thing.
I'm proud I went to college, actually, to stop me turning
into some two-bob, conspiracy-peddling...
Well, go on, love, say it.
I know what you've always thought of me.
..Muppet.
You stuck-up little cow.
And give it a rest about your dad,
like he's the only person who ever died,
and you're the only person who cares.
Fuck you.
A lot of people think like she does.
Can you blame them, with this lot in power?
The boat going up all of a sudden, and now this shit with the water?
- There is no shit with the water. - Something's going on.
How did that kid get that...Nigeria...
Naegleria Fowleri.
I don't know, Cary. Maybe...
maybe he jumped off a lock
into a filthy canal like you were wasted when you were 15.
Remember that kid who ripped his bollocks off from the submerged bicycle?
- God. Was that actually true, or did they just say it to scare us? - I don't know.
- Worked, though. - Well, there you are, then.
Oh.
Hello.
You from the local Labor Party?
Thank you.
Cheers.
What do you think?
Yeah, I think she'll win.
She's got a better smile than that Tory doughnut.
You just fancy her.
- I'm not gonna lie, I've got the raging horn, mate. - Oh!
Eurgh, disgusting.
You sure there's nothing up with the water?
The water is safe. That's my department, I really would know.
Tina's just worried. She's got a big heart. That's all.
And that kid with all 'em tubes has really upset her.
OK. OK.
Big-hearted Muppet.
- Oh, here comes a Tory Muppet. - Good evening, Sir.
Reckon I can keep these bastards here for an hour at least.
So, I'm very undecided in this election, and I was wondering if...
Mr.Hawkins, do you think that water in Kent is safe to drink?
- I've been assured that it is. - That's not the same as saying it actually is though.
We're all assured that it is.
Francine Bridge made a categoric statement,
Well, to be fair, it's probably cleaner
than the water where she comes from.
Hard as nails, that water in the inner cities.
I doubt she's even tasted our Kent water.
Cheers.
He said what?
No, tell me exactly.
Right. I'll raise it directly with the PM.
Drinking unclean water is an obvious trope
- that she's not really British. Yes, bu..but he said...
Oh, come on, Robert.
One thing to be an opportunist, quite another to be willfully dense.
- Willfully what? - This is an absolute disgrace.
It's clear enough what he was doing there.
It's completely unacceptable. Also,
what's with "I'm assured the water is safe to drink"?
OK.
- OK, what? - Okay, point taken.
Okay. Point taken, and what?
We'll make sure he doesn't overstep the mark like that again.
That's it?
If you book a ride on a tiger, you can't complain about its stripes.
I don't believe this.
- I can't believe you don't have a problem. - Don't go there, Anna.
I don't take kindly to lectures
about what my reaction should be to anything.
- The fact is, this is a hard fight, and he's our dog. - Our dog whistle, you mean.
Well, he's fighting a battle based on social conservatism.
I agree with much of that.
I don't support the identity extremists either,
but where he crosses the line, we rein him in.
I would say he is over the line,
- but still in earshot. - Bollocks.
And that's what passes for debate at St.Paul's, is it?
Oh, spare me the self-made, salt-of-the-earth patter, Joseph.
Keep the speech about your hardworking mum for Party conference.
A bit envious
cos I actually have an audience bigger than one?
Joseph, could you excuse us for a moment?
Sure.
How much of this is because it's Francine?
What?
How much would you be complaining if it wasn't your friend?
Because I think you'd rather see her back in Parliament
than our candidate.
In fact, if you lived in Kent,
I suspect you'd secretly vote for her as well.
It's been well established that I don't live in Kent,
I live in a box at the opera, sneering at the proletariat
with the rest of the toffee-nosed crew.
This is so totally not the issue.
Isn't it?
We cannot lose this seat, Anna, not now.
We're living through some crazy undeclared war
where we don't even know what the enemy wants.
The whole country is bubbling with rumors
and suspicions fed by an internet
that we cannot even begin to compete with.
So, I'm sorry, I'm really fucking sorry, if your liberal sensibilities
have been offended by a heat-of-the-battle remark
about your precious little friend.
But this is politics. It's tough.
And it's going to get tougher.
They were your sensibilities once, Robert.
Tough shit. This is now.
If you can't get in line with that...
Then, what?
Then, what?
Hello, Anna.
He's died.
Lin!
Don't bother going in, Tina.
There's none left.
You can have a couple of bottles of mine.
- Are you okay? - Yeah, thanks.
I'm still drinking tap water as you can probably tell by my lizard tail.
Oh, same old Cary. Everything's a joke.
Same old Linda. Believe any old shit she reads on the World Wide Web.
There are kids dying, Cary.
- One kid has died. - And that makes it okay?
Course it's not okay.
We weren't always this crazy. What the hell are we all coming to?
Come on, let's go.
'He's not in a good place.'
I've never seen him so paranoid.
Or tetchy.
His wife?
Both his marriages are looking shaky.
So...
I have been speaking to my equivalent at the American Embassy.
The imagination boggles. What's he like?
She is a female John Bolton who also has a PhD in geopolitical balancing.
The Americans are very keen we don't escalate things further.
Maybe we should blow up half of Kentucky in revenge.
Things are extremely delicate in the South China Sea.
They think Beijing is about to make a big, aggressive move.
And you think this might be connected to all that?
I don't know.
But I think a Cyber war on a weak country might not even be connected
to any specific thing we did or could control.
And that's the terrifying part.
We are not weak.
We are significant, but not sovereign.
In their eyes, sovereign is being able to survive
without a bigger boy looking after you. And we can't.
Hmm. Better go eat worms.
This water situation is terrifying.
That they can confect such panic out of nothing.
- The kid died. - One kid, though.
And God knows how he actually got it.
The rest is all smoke and mirrors.
We think an outsourced rogue nation hit the water supply,
and a Russian hand is pulling the Firestorm strings.
Hmph. If we are on our own,
attacked by all sides now...
we need a strong figure on the bridge,
not someone beset by paranoia.
- You never fall out with him. - I mean, we squabble a bit but not like this.
Not when he threatens to...
How's everything else?
Everything else.
Well...
hot flushes.
- Ah. - Absolute torment.
They should call it something far worse.
But even that's not the main thing.
What's the main thing?
This just isn't how I thought I would get old.
I thought it would be graceful.
Dignified.
They keep...
mocking me for being this sneering...
elitist Brahmin, and I..
I sometimes feel as if I am looking at myself
and thinking, "The absolute state of you, love".
Now Robert says I would rather you were elected than our candidate,
- and you know what? - He's right?
You would. I mean, good.
Because Roger Hawkins is a weapons-grade prick.
A prick that might lead to me losing my job.
Come and work for me, then.
I saw this thing.
It said that Joseph Obasi was gonna be the first black Prime Minister.
Yeah, he's a piece of work, too.
He is what he is. But I thought, "Not on my watch, mate".
I'm taking this all the way.
First black Prime Minister isn't going to be a man.
- Just one problem. - Mm?
You've got to get your Party to accept a woman as leader first.
You asked me to come and work for you once.
Change your life, Anna.
That Party doesn't have room for people like you anymore.
Come and work with me.
'Do not say you were not warned.
They are poisoning the children with modified water.
These are the facts.
The sick children have suffered a rare side effect
and are collateral damage.
Something has been placed in the water supply
to adjust the minds of young people
- and make them more susceptible to quantum... - Oh, God.
This will get my sister-in-law going.
'You know what you have to do.
Fight fire with fire!
You know what the targets are!
A thousand sparks create a firestorm!
Burn it all down!
Burn it down!
- Burn it down! Burn it down! - Burn it down!
Burn it down! Burn it down!
Burn it down!
Don't do this.
It's madness.
Please, come home!
For fuck's sake. Stop it!
Tina, stop it.
This has to stop now.
I'm scared.
I know.
I'm so sick of it. I am so sick of being scared.
I don't want Danny to die.
He's at home in his bedroom on his PlayStation. He's not going to die.
Your hands.
I love you.
That's all we need, isn't it?
B-Side - Baby, You're A Rich Man.
I told you not to drink that water.
Take me home.
- Thank you. - No worries.
Have you seen the TV?
They're burning things down in Kent. It's like anarchy. It's really scary.
What the fuck are you even doing?
1: Don't swear at me.
2: Don't say "even" in that context.
3: Don't put crap like this in the window.
- Wait, wait, wait. - Don't you "wait" me.
Quantum fucking algorithms. It doesn't mean anything!
- They burned down Francine's election offices in Kent. - So what?
The planet's been burning for long enough.
All the political parties are the same.
Maybe people will listen for a change.
This is completely insane.
Serious arson attacks in Kent overnight.
Shops, especially chemists, and a couple of GP surgeries.
Local government buildings, even a few police stations.
Phone masts were also attacked.
The casualties largely in flats above properties stand at five.
All this was achieved with lies about a quantum algorithm.
All the main news outlets have carried reports
that the water is safe, but er...
people are still burning things.
There's something deep-rooted in the national psyche
when it comes to arson and I'm sure it gets the Dopamine flying.
There's a Firestorm meme doing the rounds.
Yeah, I've seen it.
Our candidate in Kent has retweeted it in an attempt...
Tell him to delete that immediately.
We have. He's so far failed to respond.
That tiger ride is going smoothly, then.
Seriously. He's posting stuff probably spread by a hostile force.
Not very local, is it?
She's right. It's definitely an attack line.
- I'll deal with it. - Can I pose a scenario?
What happens if he goes so far that we have to suspend him?
It's too late to nominate another candidate.
This is the masterplan, then, is it?
We have to stop this.
No more revenge attacks on banks and assets, though.
That clearly has just fed the beast.
The Americans have made it clear that they...
Fuck the Americans.
They're probably watching this shitshow with as much interest as anyone else.
Organize a press conference for 4:00 PM.
Time to go public with who we think is behind this.
We present a committed face.
I think the Home Secretary would be better in the circumstances.
Fine. We'll do a joint conference.
'(KNOCKING ON DOOR)'
Roger!
- Ever been in the Foreign Office, Rog? - Can't say I have.
Splendid, isn't it?
Fruitier than Carmen Miranda's hat.
Now I need you to do me a bit of a favor.
- What's that? - Stop being a cunt.
- I'm sorry? - Big ask, I know.
It doesn't matter if a Crypto-communist
like Anna Marshall doesn't care for you. That's a given.
But if you lose Joe Obasi, you're on shaky ground.
- I think I can handle him. - Do you, now?
I do, yes, but thanks for the advice, Archie, all the same.
Well, look, let me float a different scenario.
What do you think happens if you lose me?
The Home Secretary asked you to delete the meme.
So delete the meme.
It's not an endorsement.
I just like it.
It's garbage, but that's neither here nor there.
Delete the meme and apologize.
No wonder people say you're a spent force.
People say that, eh?
Have you ever heard that,
when you're racing the dawn back to the crypt, Motty?
No. I've heard you called lots of things, Archie, but not that.
Be sure to tell me if you do.
Would you care to put it to the test?
What's your game, Roger?
My game?
I would really advise you not to play with matches, my friend.
But I'm not your friend, Archie.
He's not going to delete it.
- Maybe Anna is right. - What?
Call Division 45. Archie's been hacked.
Why did you forgo the opportunity
to appear on the podium alongside the PM later?
I have to go to Scotland.
It's not like you to shun the limelight.
What are you scheming at now, you crafty...
It's the anniversary of my son's death.
Marianne and I always go to the site to lay a wreath.
- I didn't know. - Because I don't talk about it much.
He was on a Royal Marines live-fire training exercise.
Nobody's fault.
But, anyway... Stephen died.
I'm very sorry.
Yes, it was sad.
Keep an eye on his social media
because I can definitely smell smoke rising
from under Roger Hawkins' feet.
What's going on?
- Security says you're... - I have to go. I can't stay.
- Or I will go insane. - Go where?
I'm going to go and visit Ellie in Chile.
No, no, no. Chile's not safe.
Why not? Some of those arsonists
were wearing masks with my face on them.
Wicked Witch T-shirts. It...
We're gonna go horse-riding in the Andes,
- and you know, just... - You, Ellie and the Anarchist.
It's like the High Chaparral.
The Anarchist is ancient history.
And nobody remembers the High Chaparral.
Well, I do.
It was...
Anna's suggestion, actually.
- And, you know, suddenly I thought... You...you spoke to Anna?
- Yeah. She suggested going to visit any just to get... - What?
- Well, it's a sensible idea... - You talked to Anna before me?
- Yeah, but...but it wasn't like that. - Oh, this is great!
This really is revenge.
You have to hand it to her.
She knows how to stab from every direction.
- Rob, no, we were just talking and... - I've lost her loyalty.
It's gone.
All because I reinstated Archie
and overruled her on Hawkins.
She's a fucking mole.
She's working for them.
For the opposition.
So, as we await the government press conference
on the wave of arson attacks last night,
I can confirm that Roger Hawkins,
the Conservative candidate in Kent,
has not deleted a tweet associated with the Firestorm campaign.
And in a move likely to deeply embarrass the Prime Minister...
he has also said he will not be drinking tap water as a precaution.
'Hawkins is going to flip on us.'
I think you're right.
That was a good point earlier...
about the opposition using the attack line against us.
Anyone might think it was something you did in your spare time.
Don't worry. If I were going to do that, I would make sure
- I was handsomely paid for it. - Don't ever speak to my wife again!
What?
Erm...shall we discuss how we parcel this out?
- I think you need to lead with... - No, no, it's okay, Anna.
We have this. Why don't you just go off and leak to Francine?
- What? - Fidelity.
It never was your strong suit, was it?
Fuck you, Robert!
- You're fired. - No, I resign.
Cerberus.
You know what that means, don't you?
The multi-headed dog that stands at the gates of hell.
Get me the Prime Minister immediately.
He's about to do the news conference.
Stop him.
Get the Prime Minister.
Good afternoon, everyone.
'Justice for Simon. Vote nobody.'
'Hit back hard.'
'I have to go. Or I will go insane.'
She's a fucking mole.
Fuck you, Robert! I resign!
Who are these people, Fraser?
Mods. That's Audrey Hemmings' brother.
Of course, people are angry.
After what we heard last week about the Cyber-attack,
it is clear that this country is under systematic assault.
Firestorm.
I want to know who it is, and how we stop it.
Who is your handler?
You wanted a shortlist of my preferred candidates.
I don't see the problem.
Except for all of them being on the hard right of the hard right.
And Roger Hawkins?
We need to hold the seat, and I trust Robert's judgment.
My job is to make sure you make the best possible decision.
Well, maybe that's something overdue for reappraisal.
This assault on me isn't happening by unfortunate circumstances.
It's your job they're trying to capsize.
As long as Firestorm is spewing its poison,
this government will not tolerate that.
Well, that's one fire snuffed out.
Or have we stoked it?
A firestorm is caused by baskets of incendiaries and not a single bomb.
Neither the silencing of a lone patriot,
nor the disappearance of one truth-telling journalist
will stop the flames of truth from spreading.
Water may douse the flames, but who controls the water?
Think before you drink.'
Oh, my God, she has made me sound like a complete and utter idiot.
Well, I'm sure it's just -
Seemingly cloth-eared to current debates
on privilege and racial justice.
She moans about the size of the Downing Street flat
and claims that her infamous comment that posh, white girls
do not belong in prison was not understood in context.
I made a joke about the flat because the cameraman banged his head...
Come on, it's just...newspapers.
It's an absolute bloody disaster.
Look, er... Firestorm is back.
I have to go.
Well, are they messing with our water now?
Fraser is looking into it, Prime Minister.
And who snatched Hari Misra?
- Ask the people he pissed off with his scoops. - Including us?
Contrary to popular myth,
- and social media... - Maybe my wife's had him snatched
and is overseeing his torture somewhere.
That's what they're saying, I imagine.
Misra's recent output certainly means the finger will point at us.
And you're sure that wasn't your objective as well?
A little strategic own-goal.
Because I'm a bit doubtful as to whose side anyone is on.
We have done nothing to Hari Misra.
Not to make you look bad, or for any other reason.
We failed to pick him up, and even if we had got there first,
we don't have an assassination program,
as you know perfectly well.
Well, I'm beginning to question the merits of that.
- Especially with journalists. - We can announce a change of policy
on the Number 10 Twitter feed, if you like?
OK, keep me informed.
Thanks. Problems with the water down in Kent.
Oh, yeah, my brother mentioned that to me.
Been on and off for a while now, but the water company's saying
the pressure is completely normal.
Now there's stuff all over social media saying it isn't safe to drink.
Really?
Do...do you think it might be another...
Water systems would be a prime target for a Cyber-attack.
I'll speak to the intelligence chief.
They haven't flagged any malware in the system yet.
We are clearly under attack from a coalition of powerful state actors.
And they seem to be taking turns to occupy the driving seat.
The Foreign Secretary is not wrong, but first things first.
My counterpart at the American Embassy
has assured me that the Misra story
we intercepted from his computer about their involvement
in the ship explosion in Kent was fake news planted by the Chinese.
And what do you think?
We're still looking at the evidence.
Well, early evidence suggests that something odd went on down there.
Fraser mentioned some kind of sonic event.
Tensions are very high between the Yanks and the Chinese at the moment.
But would the Americans really...
Well, not deliberately.
But they could have been making a point to the Chinese
about their underwater capacities
with everything so on edge in the South China Sea.
And they did make it very clear
that they were unhappy with the drilling permissions
that we granted to the Jiayou Corporation.
I want reprisals.
Against the Americans?
No, not them for now until the facts are clearer.
But identify some targets from the other two
- who we know are behind Ruin Britannia. - The problem with that...
I know the problems. Keep it largely symbolic but not entirely pain-free.
A few surgical strikes that will make both Russia and China jump.
A central bank, TV network...
use your imagination.
I am not going to sit here and take this.
Did you ask the government about Hari Misra?
Yeah, they claim they don't know anything.
Maybe they don't.
Right, I will say a few words, announce your candidacy
- and then hand over to you. - What's all this about?
No idea. What's wrong with the tap water?
Nothing, as far as I know. What's a quantum algorithm?
No idea.
But I do know that you can put the word "Quantum"
in front of any old bullshit and all of a sudden it looks high status.
Any chance of a photo?
Good morning, everybody, thank you for coming.
As you can see, with me is Francine Bridge.
We'll take a few questions, maybe five minutes,
and then we really will have to move on.
Okay? But I really appreciate you coming.
Over to Francine.
Hey!
Who's drunk all the water?
There's water in the kettle still.
You know I'm not drinking that.
You don't believe all that crap that they're poisoning us with equations, do you?
Algorithms. Lin says it's actually quite dangerous..
Lin listens to Michael Buble, refused to get her kids vaccinated,
and is voting for that racist nonce.
She's also my best mate and Danny's godmother, so...
I'm gonna go and get some bottled stuff, just so we're sure.
Bring me back a KitKat, then.
Shut up, Kit-Kat. You're meant to be on a diet.
I've got a naturally high metabolism. I don't need to diet.
Ohh.
- Be nice to be able to see your cock again, though, right? - You tell me.
It fell off last week through lack of use.
Danny! Gonna go to the shops?
Are you really gonna drink that?
Yeah.
You're an idiot.
Don't be a mean old Jezebel.
Get me a Kit-Kat!
Yeah, yeah.
- Danny! - I'm coming!
First they came with their pills and vaccinations.
Now it's the water.
Ask yourselves this:
Why was the water supply suspended for emergency work on the water mains a month...
To carry out emergency work on a water main?
And why has the pressure been so weird recently?
Probably because someone's using buried malware to manipulate it.
They are making the data in the water plants
look normal to the technicians
while lowering the pressure to consumers.
Going for a slow drip rather than a drought,
which is even more frustrating.
As any man over 50 knows.
No coincidence, I suppose, they've chosen an area
where a bitter election is taking place?
Well, what's worrying me
is that they've teamed up to hit back
for this week's symbolic reprisals.
Ganging up and showing off?
Player One: World leaders in sophisticated malware.
Player Two: World leaders in misinformation and chaos.
Others turning the chips in their pockets,
waiting for the next spin of the wheel.
Why did it start, though?
Because that's what happens when you have the weapons,
and the conditions are right.
Spark becomes flame becomes inferno.
First World War could have been Prussian railway timetables.
On a happier note...
you know how scientists have developed weapons
that can immobilize you purely through a vile stench?
I am familiar with the concept.
They would struggle to find one that has as an impact
as strong as our new candidate from Kent has
on Anna Marshall's delicate little schnoz.
Have you ever actually been to Kent?
As opposed to figuratively?
Of course, I've actually been to Kent.
I'm not talking about a pint of prawns in Deal.
I'm talking about Medway towns where the real people live.
Oh, bad news, deal residents, you don't actually exist.
OK, I think it's a given that you two
aren't gonna be sharing a picnic hamper at Glyndebourne.
Can we just focus on the issues in hand?
Good call.
The opposition will attack us, if they have any sense,
on the housing issue.
Plus the water issue which has suddenly emerged from nowhere.
I'm not going to talk about housing plans or water.
You didn't put me in this seat to fight clean, and you know it.
So stop being hypocrites.
You put me in it to defeat a resurgent opposition
from winning a seat you can ill-afford to lose.
This election is going to be about one thing for me,
and that is stopping Francine Bridge from representing
a constituency totally at odds with her values.
- Which values are those, then? - Oh, what, you don't know?
- Mimsy, lefty. - Feminine?
Chuck it in if you like, Archie,
but I'll be appealing to the female vote.
One of the big mistakes you make is to assume
that everybody agrees with your values when it's just a handful
of media luvvies posting photos of their negronis on Instagram.
Negronis!
It's all about the Skinny Bitches now, Roger.
They had an open goal, but they gambled with her selection.
- Fresh lime, not cordial... - Anna.
And they're so desperate to get her back into Parliament,
it could be their undoing.
She's gonna be soft on all kinds of issues,
which I intend to hit her with again and again and again.
And that's how we're gonna win that seat.
Don't make it about race, Roger.
- Do not target that. - Oh. Don't worry, Joseph,
I have no intention of doing so.
I won't need to.
- Oh, hi, Rachel. - Hi, Anna.
I just...pwwwt!
Don't dwell on it.
She made me look like a complete idiot. I trusted her.
OK. Beginner's error.
It's happened to us all.
I did an interview once. They used everything I said,
but made me look like a simpering idiot.
Which I'm not.
Every joke, every suggestion of irony. I'm funny, Anna!
I know, you're a hoot.
I'm a harpy, a racist...
the wicked witch pulling her husband's strings,
when everybody knows that's you.
You'd be surprised.
Well, he is a bit jealous, isn't he?
Of whom?
Francine Bridge.
He worries you prefer her to Hawkins.
Newsflash. I do.
Yeah, but to Rob that's like saying you prefer her to him.
That's ridiculous.
Listen, don't worry about the response to the article.
Well, I'm just never going to be enough.
You know, the way I dress, the way I speak,
my body, the fact that I'm Jewish.
Yeah, Jewish lawyer, to boot.
Come on, you must be pulling strings somewhere.
Well, I had a Ukrainian oligarch murdered to spare my blushes
over some bullshit that wasn't even my fault,
so, you know, join the dots, sheeple.
Maybe you need a break, or something.
I don't know, go and visit Ellie?
I don't think I can live in this bloody flat for much longer.
Well, it's little more than a matchbox, after all.
I literally feel like I'm going insane.
- Talk to Robert. - I can't. He's got too much on his plate.
Talk to him, though.
It's not fair what they're doing to you.
Thank you, thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Thanks.
I'm gonna ask you a personal question, so don't be offended,
but anything happening between you and Misra?
No.
Had to ask.
But something really bad's happened, Chris.
The fire at his office, his disappearance, I just...
- Get back to London! - You poisoning our water!
Ah, it's like Burnley-on-Sea.
Spoken like a true woman of the people.
They're having a hard time deciding if I'm a metropolitan elitist,
- or a Moss Side drug dealer. - Bit of both, I'd say.
Ha! Chorlton, mate creative hub of Manchester.
There's a very ugly mood in this town.
And it's only going to get worse.
Yes.
I'm afraid I have some disturbing news,
linked to the water in Kent, Prime Minister.
And I was on such a winning streak.
A child in Rochester called Simon Drake
has developed amoebic meningitis.
And that's different from erm...
It's caused by a bacteria called Naegleria fowleri
that attacks the brain and is almost always fatal.
How did he catch it?
Well, you normally get it by breathing contaminated water
through the nose.
- And had he? - They're investigating.
It's very rare. Especially in the UK.
They wouldn't...it could be a coincidence.
But it's been picked up on by the trolls and the bots,
and they're exploiting it to maximum effect.
Prepare the COBRA room.
First the ship. Now the water supply.
Children are dying for this government's experiments.
Luckily, we will soon have an opportunity
to tell them what we think of them at the polls.
Justice for Simon. Vote nobody.'
What's that symbol they use?
It's similar to an image used by a Chilean fascist group
called Patria y Libertad in the 1970s, but they're long gone.
- Chile? - I recently reviewed Ellie's security.
How is the child doing?
ICU. Very poorly.
- What's the water company saying? - That the water is completely safe,
but that if people are worried, to boil it and avoid inhaling it.
- Who inhales water? - Showers et cetera.
The bacteria can't actually be spread by drinking
because the stomach acid neutralizes it.
Let me get this straight.
First, they fooled around with the water supply.
Then they started a blizzard of rumors.
And now they are telling people not to vote in the election.
Get our bloody candidate to drink a big glass of water.
Now, there's a win-win scenario.
- I'll get down there as soon as I can. - Is that such a good idea?
Well it worked for the solar storm. We can't run from the people.
As Mussolini discovered from the wrong end of a meat hook.
Enough with the wisecracks and smart-Alec replies.
- Does anybody see what is happening here? - We do.
One thing after another. Death by a thousand cuts.
I mean they're not even asking for anything.
It is like we've just become a fucking game board for them.
That's exactly what it's like, Prime Minister.
Problem is, now that it's started...
I'm not sure anyone knows how this game ends.
Yeah, well, I'm not going to hide behind a bunch of useless pawns.
Hit back hard.
- We've just done that. - Then try again. Harder.
It's like bloody Nuremberg down this close.
All these swastika things.
Nobody round here's gonna vote.
- I am. - Good.
A kid's dying because of what they're doing to the water.
There's one case.
Believe what you want to believe.
I've got more beliefs in case you're interested.
Vaccinations are a triumph of medical science.
Our dad died before one had a chance to save him.
And there's nothing in the water apart from hydrogen, oxygen
and a little bit of fluoride to stop your teeth from falling out.
I'm not interested, Audrey.
Just cos you went to college...
Yeah, I did go to college, Tina, yeah.
My dad wasn't a moron, and he thought education was a good thing.
I'm proud I went to college, actually, to stop me turning
into some two-bob, conspiracy-peddling...
Well, go on, love, say it.
I know what you've always thought of me.
..Muppet.
You stuck-up little cow.
And give it a rest about your dad,
like he's the only person who ever died,
and you're the only person who cares.
Fuck you.
A lot of people think like she does.
Can you blame them, with this lot in power?
The boat going up all of a sudden, and now this shit with the water?
- There is no shit with the water. - Something's going on.
How did that kid get that...Nigeria...
Naegleria Fowleri.
I don't know, Cary. Maybe...
maybe he jumped off a lock
into a filthy canal like you were wasted when you were 15.
Remember that kid who ripped his bollocks off from the submerged bicycle?
- God. Was that actually true, or did they just say it to scare us? - I don't know.
- Worked, though. - Well, there you are, then.
Oh.
Hello.
You from the local Labor Party?
Thank you.
Cheers.
What do you think?
Yeah, I think she'll win.
She's got a better smile than that Tory doughnut.
You just fancy her.
- I'm not gonna lie, I've got the raging horn, mate. - Oh!
Eurgh, disgusting.
You sure there's nothing up with the water?
The water is safe. That's my department, I really would know.
Tina's just worried. She's got a big heart. That's all.
And that kid with all 'em tubes has really upset her.
OK. OK.
Big-hearted Muppet.
- Oh, here comes a Tory Muppet. - Good evening, Sir.
Reckon I can keep these bastards here for an hour at least.
So, I'm very undecided in this election, and I was wondering if...
Mr.Hawkins, do you think that water in Kent is safe to drink?
- I've been assured that it is. - That's not the same as saying it actually is though.
We're all assured that it is.
Francine Bridge made a categoric statement,
Well, to be fair, it's probably cleaner
than the water where she comes from.
Hard as nails, that water in the inner cities.
I doubt she's even tasted our Kent water.
Cheers.
He said what?
No, tell me exactly.
Right. I'll raise it directly with the PM.
Drinking unclean water is an obvious trope
- that she's not really British. Yes, bu..but he said...
Oh, come on, Robert.
One thing to be an opportunist, quite another to be willfully dense.
- Willfully what? - This is an absolute disgrace.
It's clear enough what he was doing there.
It's completely unacceptable. Also,
what's with "I'm assured the water is safe to drink"?
OK.
- OK, what? - Okay, point taken.
Okay. Point taken, and what?
We'll make sure he doesn't overstep the mark like that again.
That's it?
If you book a ride on a tiger, you can't complain about its stripes.
I don't believe this.
- I can't believe you don't have a problem. - Don't go there, Anna.
I don't take kindly to lectures
about what my reaction should be to anything.
- The fact is, this is a hard fight, and he's our dog. - Our dog whistle, you mean.
Well, he's fighting a battle based on social conservatism.
I agree with much of that.
I don't support the identity extremists either,
but where he crosses the line, we rein him in.
I would say he is over the line,
- but still in earshot. - Bollocks.
And that's what passes for debate at St.Paul's, is it?
Oh, spare me the self-made, salt-of-the-earth patter, Joseph.
Keep the speech about your hardworking mum for Party conference.
A bit envious
cos I actually have an audience bigger than one?
Joseph, could you excuse us for a moment?
Sure.
How much of this is because it's Francine?
What?
How much would you be complaining if it wasn't your friend?
Because I think you'd rather see her back in Parliament
than our candidate.
In fact, if you lived in Kent,
I suspect you'd secretly vote for her as well.
It's been well established that I don't live in Kent,
I live in a box at the opera, sneering at the proletariat
with the rest of the toffee-nosed crew.
This is so totally not the issue.
Isn't it?
We cannot lose this seat, Anna, not now.
We're living through some crazy undeclared war
where we don't even know what the enemy wants.
The whole country is bubbling with rumors
and suspicions fed by an internet
that we cannot even begin to compete with.
So, I'm sorry, I'm really fucking sorry, if your liberal sensibilities
have been offended by a heat-of-the-battle remark
about your precious little friend.
But this is politics. It's tough.
And it's going to get tougher.
They were your sensibilities once, Robert.
Tough shit. This is now.
If you can't get in line with that...
Then, what?
Then, what?
Hello, Anna.
He's died.
Lin!
Don't bother going in, Tina.
There's none left.
You can have a couple of bottles of mine.
- Are you okay? - Yeah, thanks.
I'm still drinking tap water as you can probably tell by my lizard tail.
Oh, same old Cary. Everything's a joke.
Same old Linda. Believe any old shit she reads on the World Wide Web.
There are kids dying, Cary.
- One kid has died. - And that makes it okay?
Course it's not okay.
We weren't always this crazy. What the hell are we all coming to?
Come on, let's go.
'He's not in a good place.'
I've never seen him so paranoid.
Or tetchy.
His wife?
Both his marriages are looking shaky.
So...
I have been speaking to my equivalent at the American Embassy.
The imagination boggles. What's he like?
She is a female John Bolton who also has a PhD in geopolitical balancing.
The Americans are very keen we don't escalate things further.
Maybe we should blow up half of Kentucky in revenge.
Things are extremely delicate in the South China Sea.
They think Beijing is about to make a big, aggressive move.
And you think this might be connected to all that?
I don't know.
But I think a Cyber war on a weak country might not even be connected
to any specific thing we did or could control.
And that's the terrifying part.
We are not weak.
We are significant, but not sovereign.
In their eyes, sovereign is being able to survive
without a bigger boy looking after you. And we can't.
Hmm. Better go eat worms.
This water situation is terrifying.
That they can confect such panic out of nothing.
- The kid died. - One kid, though.
And God knows how he actually got it.
The rest is all smoke and mirrors.
We think an outsourced rogue nation hit the water supply,
and a Russian hand is pulling the Firestorm strings.
Hmph. If we are on our own,
attacked by all sides now...
we need a strong figure on the bridge,
not someone beset by paranoia.
- You never fall out with him. - I mean, we squabble a bit but not like this.
Not when he threatens to...
How's everything else?
Everything else.
Well...
hot flushes.
- Ah. - Absolute torment.
They should call it something far worse.
But even that's not the main thing.
What's the main thing?
This just isn't how I thought I would get old.
I thought it would be graceful.
Dignified.
They keep...
mocking me for being this sneering...
elitist Brahmin, and I..
I sometimes feel as if I am looking at myself
and thinking, "The absolute state of you, love".
Now Robert says I would rather you were elected than our candidate,
- and you know what? - He's right?
You would. I mean, good.
Because Roger Hawkins is a weapons-grade prick.
A prick that might lead to me losing my job.
Come and work for me, then.
I saw this thing.
It said that Joseph Obasi was gonna be the first black Prime Minister.
Yeah, he's a piece of work, too.
He is what he is. But I thought, "Not on my watch, mate".
I'm taking this all the way.
First black Prime Minister isn't going to be a man.
- Just one problem. - Mm?
You've got to get your Party to accept a woman as leader first.
You asked me to come and work for you once.
Change your life, Anna.
That Party doesn't have room for people like you anymore.
Come and work with me.
'Do not say you were not warned.
They are poisoning the children with modified water.
These are the facts.
The sick children have suffered a rare side effect
and are collateral damage.
Something has been placed in the water supply
to adjust the minds of young people
- and make them more susceptible to quantum... - Oh, God.
This will get my sister-in-law going.
'You know what you have to do.
Fight fire with fire!
You know what the targets are!
A thousand sparks create a firestorm!
Burn it all down!
Burn it down!
- Burn it down! Burn it down! - Burn it down!
Burn it down! Burn it down!
Burn it down!
Don't do this.
It's madness.
Please, come home!
For fuck's sake. Stop it!
Tina, stop it.
This has to stop now.
I'm scared.
I know.
I'm so sick of it. I am so sick of being scared.
I don't want Danny to die.
He's at home in his bedroom on his PlayStation. He's not going to die.
Your hands.
I love you.
That's all we need, isn't it?
B-Side - Baby, You're A Rich Man.
I told you not to drink that water.
Take me home.
- Thank you. - No worries.
Have you seen the TV?
They're burning things down in Kent. It's like anarchy. It's really scary.
What the fuck are you even doing?
1: Don't swear at me.
2: Don't say "even" in that context.
3: Don't put crap like this in the window.
- Wait, wait, wait. - Don't you "wait" me.
Quantum fucking algorithms. It doesn't mean anything!
- They burned down Francine's election offices in Kent. - So what?
The planet's been burning for long enough.
All the political parties are the same.
Maybe people will listen for a change.
This is completely insane.
Serious arson attacks in Kent overnight.
Shops, especially chemists, and a couple of GP surgeries.
Local government buildings, even a few police stations.
Phone masts were also attacked.
The casualties largely in flats above properties stand at five.
All this was achieved with lies about a quantum algorithm.
All the main news outlets have carried reports
that the water is safe, but er...
people are still burning things.
There's something deep-rooted in the national psyche
when it comes to arson and I'm sure it gets the Dopamine flying.
There's a Firestorm meme doing the rounds.
Yeah, I've seen it.
Our candidate in Kent has retweeted it in an attempt...
Tell him to delete that immediately.
We have. He's so far failed to respond.
That tiger ride is going smoothly, then.
Seriously. He's posting stuff probably spread by a hostile force.
Not very local, is it?
She's right. It's definitely an attack line.
- I'll deal with it. - Can I pose a scenario?
What happens if he goes so far that we have to suspend him?
It's too late to nominate another candidate.
This is the masterplan, then, is it?
We have to stop this.
No more revenge attacks on banks and assets, though.
That clearly has just fed the beast.
The Americans have made it clear that they...
Fuck the Americans.
They're probably watching this shitshow with as much interest as anyone else.
Organize a press conference for 4:00 PM.
Time to go public with who we think is behind this.
We present a committed face.
I think the Home Secretary would be better in the circumstances.
Fine. We'll do a joint conference.
'(KNOCKING ON DOOR)'
Roger!
- Ever been in the Foreign Office, Rog? - Can't say I have.
Splendid, isn't it?
Fruitier than Carmen Miranda's hat.
Now I need you to do me a bit of a favor.
- What's that? - Stop being a cunt.
- I'm sorry? - Big ask, I know.
It doesn't matter if a Crypto-communist
like Anna Marshall doesn't care for you. That's a given.
But if you lose Joe Obasi, you're on shaky ground.
- I think I can handle him. - Do you, now?
I do, yes, but thanks for the advice, Archie, all the same.
Well, look, let me float a different scenario.
What do you think happens if you lose me?
The Home Secretary asked you to delete the meme.
So delete the meme.
It's not an endorsement.
I just like it.
It's garbage, but that's neither here nor there.
Delete the meme and apologize.
No wonder people say you're a spent force.
People say that, eh?
Have you ever heard that,
when you're racing the dawn back to the crypt, Motty?
No. I've heard you called lots of things, Archie, but not that.
Be sure to tell me if you do.
Would you care to put it to the test?
What's your game, Roger?
My game?
I would really advise you not to play with matches, my friend.
But I'm not your friend, Archie.
He's not going to delete it.
- Maybe Anna is right. - What?
Call Division 45. Archie's been hacked.
Why did you forgo the opportunity
to appear on the podium alongside the PM later?
I have to go to Scotland.
It's not like you to shun the limelight.
What are you scheming at now, you crafty...
It's the anniversary of my son's death.
Marianne and I always go to the site to lay a wreath.
- I didn't know. - Because I don't talk about it much.
He was on a Royal Marines live-fire training exercise.
Nobody's fault.
But, anyway... Stephen died.
I'm very sorry.
Yes, it was sad.
Keep an eye on his social media
because I can definitely smell smoke rising
from under Roger Hawkins' feet.
What's going on?
- Security says you're... - I have to go. I can't stay.
- Or I will go insane. - Go where?
I'm going to go and visit Ellie in Chile.
No, no, no. Chile's not safe.
Why not? Some of those arsonists
were wearing masks with my face on them.
Wicked Witch T-shirts. It...
We're gonna go horse-riding in the Andes,
- and you know, just... - You, Ellie and the Anarchist.
It's like the High Chaparral.
The Anarchist is ancient history.
And nobody remembers the High Chaparral.
Well, I do.
It was...
Anna's suggestion, actually.
- And, you know, suddenly I thought... You...you spoke to Anna?
- Yeah. She suggested going to visit any just to get... - What?
- Well, it's a sensible idea... - You talked to Anna before me?
- Yeah, but...but it wasn't like that. - Oh, this is great!
This really is revenge.
You have to hand it to her.
She knows how to stab from every direction.
- Rob, no, we were just talking and... - I've lost her loyalty.
It's gone.
All because I reinstated Archie
and overruled her on Hawkins.
She's a fucking mole.
She's working for them.
For the opposition.
So, as we await the government press conference
on the wave of arson attacks last night,
I can confirm that Roger Hawkins,
the Conservative candidate in Kent,
has not deleted a tweet associated with the Firestorm campaign.
And in a move likely to deeply embarrass the Prime Minister...
he has also said he will not be drinking tap water as a precaution.
'Hawkins is going to flip on us.'
I think you're right.
That was a good point earlier...
about the opposition using the attack line against us.
Anyone might think it was something you did in your spare time.
Don't worry. If I were going to do that, I would make sure
- I was handsomely paid for it. - Don't ever speak to my wife again!
What?
Erm...shall we discuss how we parcel this out?
- I think you need to lead with... - No, no, it's okay, Anna.
We have this. Why don't you just go off and leak to Francine?
- What? - Fidelity.
It never was your strong suit, was it?
Fuck you, Robert!
- You're fired. - No, I resign.
Cerberus.
You know what that means, don't you?
The multi-headed dog that stands at the gates of hell.
Get me the Prime Minister immediately.
He's about to do the news conference.
Stop him.
Get the Prime Minister.
Good afternoon, everyone.
'Justice for Simon. Vote nobody.'
'Hit back hard.'
'I have to go. Or I will go insane.'
She's a fucking mole.
Fuck you, Robert! I resign!