Clatterford (2006–2009): Season 1, Episode 7 - Christmas Panto - full transcript

# We are the Village Green
Preservation Sodely

# God save Donald Duck,
Vaudeville and Varlely... #

I really missed you this Christmas,
you grumpy old sod.

What are we gonna do with you, hmm?

Mum?

Oh!

I was Just talking to your dad.

Don't you think we should, Uke,
scatter him or something?

Yeah.

It's hard though.

Oh, did you wear the hat?



I was saving It, you know,
for a special occasion.

You don't need to do that, It's Uke
an everyday hat. I should know, I made It

(Inaudible)

That shiny stuff. Yeah.

Thank you.
That's lovely, yeah, great.

I think I'll have a bath.

OK, well, don't use the Yardley
your brother bought me.

Mum, I sald bath,

- not chemical peel
- Oh!

I love It

He's been buying me that
ever since he was tiny.

You know, this was your dad's
favorite time of the year.

Pub and panto.

Yeah, are they doing panto?



I don't know.

(Screeching and flat)
# Sometimes I wander down the long

# And dusty way #

# Oh, my love #

Right now, Kate, I think
we'll make this area...

Bye-bye.

...the whole of the production.

We should be all right.

Oh, my goodness, here she ls.

Oh, our lady director.

Come on now, Queenle,
how are you?

First day of auditions,
Uttle bit nerve-racking?

- Right.
- Yes, It Is.

I've come for the auditions.

Rosle, you've got wings on.

Course I've got wings on, Eileen!
How else am I gonna get home?

Hello! My name Is Rosle.

Hello!

I've definitely got the X Factor,

and tonight, Matthew,

I'm gonna sing a song from
Cher and the Little Mermaids.

Margaret's gonna start It off.

# Oh no, you'll be deceived

# Oh no, he will. make believe

Come on, Margaret.
(Hums nervously)

# It's In his kiss,
that's where It Is #

- Margaret don't wanna Joln In.
- That's lovely, Rosle.

I take It from your costume
you want to be the falry godmother?

(Booming) No!

Shut up, Margaret.
Yes, I do please.

Eileen, I've dumped at the door!

Thank you, Caroline.

We'll have to pick them up later
and do the next age group.

WIUL we see you this year, Susle?

(Arpeggio) # Ah-ha, ha, ha, ha, ha #

We have our Dandinl.

Oh! Not Prince Charming?

Oh, It was decided to go
for a younger casting on the Cinderella

and, and...It was also thought
that It wasn't appropriate

In these modem times
to go for a giri-on-girl thing.

- Oh, Dandinl It Is, then.
- Thank you.

Can I be heard?

- Ah! How are you?
- Oh, I'm surviving.

It's the worst bit, the aftermath.

Al that bulld-up
and what are you left with?

A hangover, a roll of fat

and some crap you never wanted
In the first place.

You coming down the hall,
helping with the panto?

- What?
- Ooh! Ooh!

Mm, you smell nice.
Oh, God, what's all that?

It's probably Just the glitter from
the Christmassy bathy flzzy bomb thing.

Oh, my God, did you say panto?

- No!
- Yes.

- Which one?
- Am I allowed to say?

Oh, go on.

- Cinderella!
- Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! WILL you tell them
I'm, Uke, available?

- Oh my God! Mum! Mum!
- No!

- What?
- No, Tash. I don't think It's qulte that simple.

What? Why?

Oh, Tash.

Oh, Uttle Tashy Vine.

I think It'd be better If you
went down there and auditioned.

- Excuse me? What, me?
- Mm-hm.

What, go down there and
do Uke a script-ready-auditioney thing?

Like, Mum, duh!

I've been, llke, the lead

In every girlie panto
for the last, Uke, 20 years!

I think they might be aware of my work.

I still think It would be a good Idea
If you went down there.

Well, I might actually go down there.

I might Just go down there
and, you know, tell them I am available.

Unless you're having lunch
with the Redgraves.

With all the best muslc In us
you hear about to... Hey!

(# Al singing Jovial romp)

Bourbon, I think,
don't you think?

Bourbon.

(# Men singing)

(Whistling)

Skeletons.

# Girlfriend In a coma I know

# I know It's serious #

Well done, Janine, lovely volce.
Well done, you.

Wasn't she good, Queenle?

I think It may have something
to do with the batteries.

Eileen...

Do you want the next one?

Yes, please. Bring her on.

Come on, It's all right.

Come on.

Reach for the stars, kiddo.
You've gotta step It up In this round.

Right? Go on. Go on.

Sorry. Sorry!

Marcus!

I normally have a tin of
Family Circle.

Right you are, Queenle.

(Faintly) # There are nine million

# Bicycles

# In Beijing... #
0K, sorry.

Sonry, I'm Just trying to remember erm,
how many millon bicycles there are In Beijing.

I think It's nine or ten...

Oh, Is It three?

I don't know.

OK, right.

(Clears throat, laughs nervously)

(Faintly) # There are nine million

# Bicycles In Beijing

(Whispers) # And that's a fact #

Hello, Sal

Eileen.

- Rosle.
- HI, SaL

Sal, Sal, Sal, SaL

How are you, Sal?

- OK, Eileen.
- Brave!

Well..

It was Mike who loved the panto really.

Happy memories, yeah.

A bit too emotional
to get totally Involved?

- Well..
- Oh, now lsten,

I thought that this year,
I'd do Just makeup.

Wicked stepmother,
If you don't mind, Tlp.

And If you could remember,

the panto Is In the hall
and not In the pub.

- We would be grateful
- Damn!

(Rosle humming)

- WIU Colin be Hardup?
= Well..

Let's leave the rudery
for the stage, shall we?

Right, well then, a simple yes.

- # (singing faintly)
- Right. I'm off on a mission.

- Do you want to come?
- No, I'd better walt for Tash.

- (Feedback whistling)
- Oh!

The green button agaln.

That's It, Marcus! Well done, you!

I was pushing the red one, I think.

(Barely audible)
# It's a thing we can't deny... #

Do you actually want to
be In the panto, Kate?

No!

No, not really.

Well, would I put you down
for ticket sales, love?

Yes! Yes, please.

- Right you are.
- Oh, that's nice.

- Thank God!
- Rosle!

(# Country and western)

(Whispers) Verger!

(Shouts) Verger!

I've, erm... I've come about the...

Vicar!

You don't have to do
these auditions.

We all knows what you dos.

Every Sunday, you makes us laugh
our heads off In the church,

don't you?

- Do I?
- Yeah.

- Good, yes.
- It's all right, Rosle.

Yes, but you come on,
take a script, have a read.

Oh, he's so funny, Isn't he?

- Yes.
- (Cackles) You are so funny!

Marvelous, thank you ladles.
Ballroom scene.

Oh, now, Marcus.

That's Ideal

And I am thinking Hardup Castle on the front,

and the palace ballroom
on the back.

And then one quick pivot
of a caster, we're transported.

Hiya, It's me. I Just...

thought I'd pop In and see
who the team was this year.

You haven't told her, have you?

No.

It's so hard, and this Is the only thing
her and Mlke ever did together.

Yes, but...

I know,
he's not here anymore, but...

Well, what we are gonna do?

What Is Queenle going to do?

- I would've told her, well, I... I will!
- (Slghs)

Well, I'm very sorry, Sal,
but we are very behind

I think we're gonna have to
Just press on regardless.

I'm sorry.

Right, now, ladles, come on.

Can I have my Cinderellas, please?

Up on the stage.

(Mouths)

- This Is you! This Is you!
- I don't wanna do It!

What do you mean?

You've go to audition
or they won't glve you the part

How do you think people get parts?

The people In that program
you watch, The OC,

how do you think Mischa Barton
and the Uttle hamster boy, Ryan,

that lves In the pool house,
got thelr parts? By auditioning!

You see Freya would make
a lovely Cinderella, wouldn't she, Queenle?

Why don't you want to do It?

It's Just so... It's sad.

- Queenle!
- I'm normally Cinderella.

Well, Tash.

This Is very difficult, but...

It has been agreed
that you are a lttle, a Uttle...

They think...

that you are too old.

What?

But lke,

how old was Cinderella?

I don't think she was 36.

- See, the thing Is...
- It's all right, Eileen.

= I'll deal with this.
- Fine.

It's Just...

Oooh!

But, actually, why can't
she be Cinderella?

Because all the Prince Charmings
are still at school.

Well, Susle can do
Prince Charming.

She's done It before.

No, I would rather dle.

How about Cinderella rises up
against the patriarchal system

and saves herself? Or Is that
too progressive for you?

If Mlke was here,
she would be Cinderella.

- You would not get away with this.
- Ah!

Oh, Queenle, Queenle.

Queenle, It has been

a terrible Christmas
without him.

Don't bother Queenle!

Oh! Let her play Cinderella.

We'll find you a Prince Charming.

I promise, please.

- Mum, quite embarrassing.
- Please!

AL right.

If It's that Important.

- Ks
- Right, well...

Against my better judgment,

- Tash It Is.
- Oh, thank you!

(# Accordion playing)

- It smells of toilets.
- Kids.

He doesn't' want to do It,
he doesn't ke belng laughed at.

Oh, he should be so lucky.

- Oh!
- HI, Mum.

Where's Marian Tozer?

Tip sald she'd had a fall
on some antique bunting.

Marian Tozer went to a rest home
In Torquay middle of last year.

As Tip well.. Well what?

But now that you're here...

Ah! Oh!

- Absolutely not.
- Oh, go on.

- It should be a laugh.
- James In the panto?

Are you sure, cos last time I saw him
It was Uke Aladdin In '82 and...

- Didn't really rate him then.
= No, no, Tash Is doeing It

Is she really?

Then I suppose unemployment
and acting always go hand In hand.

Oh, I think your dad
would be so proud.

B-But Dad was always an ugly sister.

- Yes!
- Yes.

Marvelous!

Thank you, ladles. Ballroom scene.

# Morning has broken, Uke the first morning #

Oh, shalom, Yasmeen.

Sounds Uke you don't believe
In Christmas, which Is strange, Innit?

- Because It does actually exist.
- It's not quite Uke that

Otherwise, how would we have Jesus?

# Fresh from the word #

Lizard footmen.

Well, If you're up for It,
I suppose In theory,

I could be too.

Keep up the family tradition.

Always up for a laugh.

Oh, yes, absolutely.

Always up for a laugh.

I've gotta place these cups

down Uke that

and a ball on each.

So what do you want to play? Em...

Grizelda or Gertrude?

Entirely up to you, Vicar.

I see myself more as a...

as a Gertrude.

Oh, I've gone wrong.
Hang on, I have gone wrong.

- I think that's very good.
- You're very good

so you're through to the next round.

Well, as I sald, entirely up to you, Vicar.

Oh, good! Good!

That's something settled at last.
Well done, Queenle.

And I suppose under all that makeup,

we'll hardly be recognizable anyway.

I was thinking more

light foundation,

flesh tones,

little bit of blue eyeshadow.

(# Slow and stilted Jazz)

So, you doing your cinders agaln?

Don't know.

Panto Is now under Nazl rule.

I can't act to save my lfe.

Obviously I'm doling It Ironically.

You probably don't even know
what that means.

I'm not acting.
I'm making a statement.

Oh, right.

Well, I'm sure It'lL be a laugh, whatever.

No, I mean Uke (Coughs)

Uke an Ironic laugh.

Skeletons.

- hobnobs!
- (Feedback whistles)

(Theme from Pulp Fiction)

- Look, Eileen.
- Mm-hm.

It's all right. I Just...

I Just never had you down
as a pushy show business mum, that's allL

Leaves me with a Charming problem.

Oh!

It's Just I've got the whole family
coming, you know, they're gonna see It

I suppose I'm feeling the pressure.

Oh, my God!

Right now, can I have
your attention please, everybody?

(Coughs)

Can I have your attention, please,
everybody, for a moment?

(Whistles) Listen everybody!

Well done, Sal

I've got these, erm, Uttle sticky
labels somewhere for them.

Oh!

- Skeleton?
- Yeah.

- Mermaid?
- Yeah.

Hawaiian dancers?

Yes, It's for the ballroom scene.

- It'll make perfect sense when you see It
- Oh, OK, all right.

- Come on over here, I'll do these.
- All right.

Stick that on yourselves.

- Who wants to be a skeleton?
- Sal!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I wilL

What?

Help.

Well, Just with the kiddies,
you know.

So, I hear you're looking
for a Prince Charming.

Oh, we're not so much looking,
as Just kind of narrowing down the options.

Well, Just as long as you know,

I'm always around,

always here,

always happy In breeches,

and remember,
we made a pretty good team.

Anyone who came with me,
come with me now.

You, you, you, you.

- Susle, who are you taking?
- These two.

Al right, but I can't take
anyone over four foot five.

I've got... Oh, no,
I've got loads of room.

- Ask Splke.
- I have!

I told Eileen I'L help
with the pyrotechnics.

We can untell her.

But, erm, I don't want to.

I Uke the bangs.
Bangs are good.

Thank you very much,
friend of mine.

Whom will the glass slipper fit?

Well, Tash, you better find
a bloody Prince Charming,

or you know what will happen.

I know. Please!

Mm--hm.

And stop, and dialogue

on the balcony.

That's right, keep going.

Jan, Pauline,

keep dancing,
come In to the center.

Don't worry, your men
will be with you tomorrow. And...

Come, take my hand.

Come closer.

It's a bit welrd.

Well, I know,

but what alternative do we have
at this late stage?

Have you found another Charming?

- (Slghs)

Could someone please bong
the clock for midnight?

But would you say this says
director more than this one?

Oh, dear! Oh, dear!

You know, why you should never
date a Clatterford farmer?

No, why should you not date
a Clatterford farmer?

Well, dear, they're so bad
at sex the sheep fall asleep.

Couldn't you do It
In a funnier volce?

That Is a funny volce.

Why?

It fits.

- I don't think they'll do that
- What do you mean?

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

It's horrible.

I'm so sorry.

See, It's not Just this
glri-on-glrl thing, Sal

There's something about Susle.

Tum, tum, tum, tum, tum, tum, tum.

Saw your Mikey on Parkinson.
He was awfully good.

Oh, don't!

John and I are still seething
about It

I mean, I'd Uke to go on
there and say, you know,

"When my mother comes for Christmas,

"she does not sleep on a lo."

It's one of those plastic beds
that you get from IKEA

that you blow up with a halr dryer,

and the nolse that they thought
was so hilarious

Is In fact that when you - tum darling...
that when you tum over on It,

It Just moves against the parquet.

So that's Just plastic on parquet.

- Oh, I see.
- Ridiculous.

Did you go In for the stockings
or the tights In the end?

Knee-highs.

Had to really, because of my, erm...

ankle-flashing scene with
Prince Charming In act two.

Yes, yes of course.

Well, you Just have to try It Acapulco.

I haven't got the track yet.

Oh dear, oh dear.

I've put In a call to
Freya and young Jimmy Bales.

Sal, I am sorry.

No, I agree with you, Eileen.

No, I'm really, really,
really sorry.

. - Oh!
ok, I'm sorry.

I don't really know this tune,
but I will give It a go, OK? (Coughs)

(Operatic and wrong)
# I don't want to run away

# But I can't take It

# I don't understa... #

That's not right, Isn't It?
Can somebody glve me a note,

- Just a note, do you know a note?
- (Note plays)

## La! # Mm.

# I don't understand

(Screeching) # I don't, don't mind

# If I make It on my... #

Oh for God's sake It's...

# I don't wanna run away

# But I can take It

# I don't understand #

Right?

# If I'm not made for you

# Then why does my heart
tell me that I am?

# Is there any way that I can stay

# In your arms? #

Sonty, she was Just doing my head In.

(Mouths)

I was Just wondering...

If we have to stay on the top layer

or If It will be OK If I push
my finger right Into the bottom

for a chocolate ring?

Now, I'm Dandinl.

Oh, falr princess,
tell me your name.

I cannot... Sorry, you can't be that close.
That dress Is huge.

Oh, right.

(Inaudible)

(Inaudible)

And when you look at me,
don't look me In the eyes,

look at the center of my forehead.

- I can hear you.
- (Sniggering)

Mum, can you not watch us, please?

Sorry.

(Man talking on TV)

Want some of my chips, Splky?

Mm. Yeah, thanks.

- What"

Welrd!

- Oh, yeah. Old school friends.
- Oh!

Can you not talk about us,
please?

It's a professional relationship.

- Is there any yoghurt?
- Yeah, mm. Go on.

Splke!

Can you put ashes In a firework?

Mm-mm. Yeah,
you can Uke, do anything.

I'd Uke to send Mike off
over the town

at the end of the panto.

Mm, yeah, cool
I can do that

Do, Uke, big bangy, Uke,
glittery thing.

Yeah.

Ooh! Fancy seeing you here!

Tash! Sorry to Interrupt.

1, er, got you something.

It's Uke, you know,
what they say for first night presents.

It's a brooch.

Rosle, darling.

What's the matter? Come on.

The audience are coming In.
They'll be sitting down. What you got there?

It's cheese for Luck.

Oh, Rosle, thank you.

Caroline, look, she has glven us
cheese for luck.

Oh, darling.

- Margaret's not coming, Is she?
- No, Margaret's not coming, no.

She sald It was, erm...

What did she say?

It was Infantile nonsense,
and she'd rather watch Deal Or No Deal

- Well, probably for the best
- Yeah.

- Are you nervous?
- Why? What's happening?

- Well It's a pantomime, my darling.
- What?

Oh, Tash, good Luck.

Oooh!

You look Just Uke your father.

Wish each other luck, please.

Go on, go on, go on.

- Good luck.
- Good luck.

- Yes.
- Order!

Can you all gather round?

I have something to say.

Thank you. Thank you.

Erm...good luck!

Oh, break a leg everybody.

Not Uterally.

Over by the door, please!

Let me see, right,
mask's fitted.

(Baby crying)

(Applause)

- Can you see through that?
- Yeah.

Keep your head to the front
when you go on

or the light won't see your head.
You'll look headless.

(Applause)

(Sighs)

Ah, me!

Here I am, all alone at night

with only the friendship

of mice.

- (Audience) Ah!
- Hey! -.

What about me?

Oh, Buttons!

My faithful friend, Buttons.

- Buttons that Is.
- You all walt there a minute. I'll be back later.

(Whispering)

(Mouths)

# When I was young

# I never needed anyone

# And making love
was Just for fun

# Those days are gone #

Whoever this glass slipper fits...
Whoever this... Oh, God!

- Whoever this glass slipper fits...
- Oh, come on. Pull yourself together.

It'll be over before you know It,
you blg Jessie.

Oh, It's only the village panto!

- I'm only doing It for Tash, you know.
- Oh, yes, I know, so come on.

Yeah.

Go on.

Oh!

Oh! Blg wuss.

# Al by myself #

'Ey up.

I suppose they know we're here.

Only a couple of seconds away.
What are you having?

Well, we've not got much time,
so Just a pint of Oakham.

Al right. Simon!

(Screeching) # Anymore, anymore, anymore #

Here, did you hear
about the prince's ball?

I am so excited I can't speak.

Oh, chance would be a
fine thing.

The prince Is holding his blg ball

Ooh, steady!

And all the eligible ladles
In the kingdom are Invited.

Cinders! Cinders!

- That means you.
- We sald ladles.

Mother! Mother!

Mother!

Mother!

Continue.

We must start making dresses
right away.

Cinderella, you urchin, must help us.

But Father!

Stepmother!

But stop all this Idle chatter, and let's talk
about me for a minute.

Dandinl will be here In a minute

with the Invitations any minute.

# I'm talking about the doorbell #

# When you gonna ring It?
When you gonna ring It? #

# I'm talking about the doorbell #

- # When you gonna ring It? #
- (Klaxon)

Ooh!
# I'm talking about the doorbell #

# When you gonna ring It?
When you gonna ring It? #

Take your hands off me!

Well..

I've put a call out
for Col and Tip.

But they're soldiering on.

Oh, I don't know, but the audience
are going along with It, Eileen. It's OK.

Why don't you go slde stage and, er...

keep an eye on Rosle for a bit?

Il look after the kids.

Oh, thanks, Eileen.

You might Uke to see
how Tash Is doing.

Oh, yes, great.

Great bit of casting that.

Thanks, Eileen.

(Laughter)

(Whooping)

(Applause)

Hello! I'm In a panto.

Starting now.

Let It be true,
this wish I grant you,

to the ball you will go,

come sun, snow, raln, or snow.

(Audience) Ooh!

That weren't supposed to happen.
Never got that right.

- Shh! Here she comes.
- Oh, falry godmother! How can I thank you?

Oh, Just promise me this,

that you...

a word you will not miss.

At home, you must be
by midnight, you see.

The spell will not stay
for dawn of a new day.

More skeletons!

Skeletons, here! Come on.

Goodbye, dear falry godmother,
how can I thank you?

- Goodbye everyone, goodbye!
- Bye! Bye!

There's a couple asleep In the car,
shall I get them?

IIL filL In with Hawaiians.

- Don't fancy yours much!
- Don't fancy yours much!

I don't fancy mine much!

I don't fancy mine much!

Oh! You dare!

And you too, naughty boy.

- Ooh!
- Ooh!

- It's going really well
- You think so?

= I can't tell
- Oh!

- Are they getting It?
- Oh, yes, they're getting It

Hi, 1 need Colin or Tip,
Colln or Tip.

Hello, thank goodness you're there.

Quickly, cos you're wanted In 30 seconds.
Come on, hurry up!

- Shall we finish these?
- No, you're on!

Shall we, Mr. Hardup?

When you're ready, Mrs. Hardup.

Thank God! Come on, quickly! quickly!

Boo-hoo!

(Blow noses noisily)

Thank you, kind sir,

for giving the fairest hand
In the kingdom.

That's all right.

I promise, I shall cherish her
and love her,

and we shall have the finest wedding
that money can...

and honeymoon
that money can buy.

Now, you are my husband, It seems,

and the falry godmother
has fulfilled all my dreams.

But for my sisters, I am sad.

Surely there Is some local lad?

(Slurred) Some local lad
to stop thelr haranguing,

and glve them both a jolly good...

Prospect for the future.

So, let us go off Into
the sunset with laughter,

and Uve together

happily ever after.

(Cheering and applause)

# Near, far

# Wherever you are

# I believe that the heart does

# Goon #

Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Now, our show does come to an end.

- Ironically, of course.
= I'm In character.

But If for next year, you cannot walt,

see you all In 2008,

(Cheering)

Ladles and gentlemen,
please, ladles and gentlemen.

Ladles and gentlemen, please.

Thank you, first of all,

for this wonderful show,
you all did so well

You're welcome.

And I'd Uke to please
ask for a moment

of qulet to remember someone
who was a regular cast member

and a great supporter of our panto,

who cannot be with us today.

I refer, of course, to Mike Vine,

much missed. But..

Didn't his children
do him proud?

And now on with the finale.
Thank you.

(Applause)

# I am sailing, I am sailing

# Home agaln, cross the sea

- (Boom)
- # I am sailing

# Stormy waters

# To be near you, to be free #

- Come for a drink?
- Yeah.

--# .
flvlfsl;;:t!m flying

(Coughing)

Was that Mike In the last bang?

Oh, yeah, yeah. That was cool.

1 told you to put him In a firework,
and let him off over the town center,

you skanky Idlot.

Oh, right!

Oh, bloody hell!

Em...

Well, sorry about that.

Oh, well, It's OK.

I suppose he got to be
In the panto, didn't he?

Now, shush!
Shush, please, everybody.

For Queenle, our director.

(Applause)

We make a good team,
don't we, you and 1?

Oh, don't go soft on me, Eileen.

Oh, don't you worry. I have
no Intention of dolng that.

Another triumph.

I hate to take all the credit

But she will.

We never, ever think
It's going to come together.

But then, at the last minute, It does.

As If by maglc.

That's show business, I suppose.

(Applause)

You were fantastic, darling.

Oh, your dad would have been
so surprised.

Well, you can begin changing.
Go to your own plle.

There was nothing to It!
Plece of cake.

- You were a natural
- I'm going home In this.

Al right, my darling.

I know, we got away with It, didn't we?

Oh, your hair's come off.

Well, that was great, wasn't It?
It was really fun.

Was the scene all right?

- Great.
- Oh great.

- I'll see you down the Fountain, then.
- Yes.

- Oh, I left my costume here.
- Oh, that's OK.

Ooh, Tash! Well done!

Ooh, everybody loved It
I loved It.

Your dad would've loved It!

Yeah, Mum. I gotta go. Lots of people are
waiting for me. I don't wanna let them down.

But I Just have to know
that everybody got It.

Oh, everybody got It

I wanna, I wanna bulld on this
for next year.

- Next year?
- Yeah.

Queenle's asked me to play
the Little Mermaid.

OK, I better go.

My public awaits.

Oh, Little Mermaid.

Mmmmmm!

Oh! Pack up tomorrow, Sal, eh?

- Yeah.
- Get to the pub!

Mm.

- What will It be, a Benedictine, Eileen?
- Oh, a double, please.

Aln't It lovely, eh? You see -
that's what acting Is.

It glves people a chance
to not be themselves for a bit.

Excuse me.

No, I think It makes them
more themselves.

I think It glves you a chance
to see who they really are.

He's lovely, Isn't he?

Yeah.

- They look lovely together.
- Yeah.

- Do you think they may...?
- No chance, no.

# We are the Village Green
Preservation Sodely

# God save Donald Duck,
Vaudeville and Variety

# We are the Desperate Dan
Appredation Sodely

# God save strawberry jam
and all the different varieties #