Chuck (2007–2012): Season 5, Episode 7 - Chuck Versus the Santa Suit - full transcript
Chuck and Sarah discover who is behind a plot to take down their company. A computer virus creates havoc as the Buy More prepares for Christmas. Ellie tries to make Christmas plans for everybody.
Hi, I'm Chuck.
Here are a few things that
you might need to know.
The Omen. A computer
virus that can erase
a hundred zetabytes
of data per second.
It could take down
the Internet, crash airplanes,
and erase every
database in the world.
In truth, Chuck, the virus
is just a piece of the plan.
- What happens now?
- That's the real surprise, isn't it?
There. The Omen is officially
unleashed upon the world.
♪
Christmas cheer?
Try Christmas fear.
A virus dubbed "The Omen" has
infected computers worldwide.
And it has Christmas
shoppers in a panic.
Are their hard drives
in danger of being erased?
Or, is the virus a gag
that does nothing?
Why panic? Ask yourself:
what would baby Jesus do?
- And you are...?
I'm Michael Tucker, assistant
manager of Burbank Buy More.
I want customers to remember
the true meaning of Christmas,
and get back to what you're
supposed to be doing:
buying stuff.
Like this iPad!
A bargain for $599.
Honestly, it's overpriced.
You can get all this
stuff on the Internet.
See, everything is fine
here at the Buy More.
Totally fine!
No computer virus problems here.
Dear God! Jeffrey!
I need your help, buddy.
These people are animals.
The virus is everywhere, and
nobody knows how to stop it!
Nobody knows how to stop it!
What is going on here?
Authorities do not know who
is responsible for the Omen
virus, but assume it is an
act of cyber-terrorism...
Every prison cell in here is
connected to the mainframe.
What if the Omen virus hits us?
You worry too much.
Take another snort
of almond-milk nog.
Do you hear that?
Ellie. Relax.
We are so behind!
We are so crazy behind,
and I can't find it!
Find what?
The star for the top
of the Christmas tree,
the one that Dad gave me.
Deep breaths, Namaste style.
Devon, it's Christmas Eve,
we are having a party
in six hours,
we don't have a tree,
we don't have decorations...
I am Eleanor Woodcomb.
What are you doing?
I am Eleanor Woodcomb.
Saying your name aloud
helps to calm you.
Reminds you you're in control
of your own actions.
I am Eleanor Woodcomb.
I am Eleanor Woodcomb.
Yeah, that didn't work.
Okay.
What are you
freaking out about?
Because Christmas was
my first memory, okay?
The presents, the smell
of fresh-baked cookies,
and I know that Clara is a
little young, but I thought that
maybe it could be her first
memory, too, and I just...
I want everything
to be perfect.
All right.
What's going to turn
that frown upside down?
A real tree, lights,
fake snow, and a picture
of Clara on Santa's lap?
That's a tall order, babe.
I know.
But... that is why I recruited
someone onto our team.
Ellie.
Sarah, I need an update.
It's okay. Project Santa
is under control.
Got the decorations
from your list,
you just need to get
the tree and the snow.
Thanks.
Okay, bye.
Hey, Sarah.
Your sister is in
full-blown Christmas mode.
Well, it wouldn't be Christmas
with the Bartowskis without
a little bit of drama.
Speaking of which...
No progress on the virus?
Whoever's behind this
is a ghost. Untraceable.
No. There is no such thing.
They just haven't
slipped up yet.
And when they do? Carmichael
Industries will be there
to take them down.
But for now, I promise
nobody is going to
ruin our Christmas.
Just everyone else's.
Chuck, it's going to be okay.
Look, I'm going to lock up
Castle and come home.
Oh, by the way, will you
tell Casey, uh... Mr. Pippers,
the Preppy Polar Bear,
has arrived.
Mr. Pippers? Really?
Oh, man, that's like our
favorite childhood toy, right?
One of, yeah.
Top five. Maybe.
But still, our generation.
Not really yours.
I got it on eBay.
Alex's mom said she used to run
around with a little bear thing
like that. It's still in
its original package.
I thought it was
a good idea. Dumb, huh?
No.
It's actually quite touching.
Like you're feeling
real human emotion.
Don't you ever
say that again.
And don't you breathe
a word of this to Alex.
No. No. My lips are...
my lips are sealed.
Christmas presents are sacred
in the Grimes family.
Gentlemen.
General.
We have an emergency.
We know who's behind this.
Merry Christmas, Sarah.
Miss me?
Not for a second.
Ah!
That's no way to treat
an old boyfriend.
Just give up, Walker.
You're no match
for the Intersect.
♪ Chuck 5x07 ♪
Chuck Versus the Santa Suit
Original Air Date on December 23, 2011
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
♪ Na-na na-na na-na
♪ Na-na na-na
na-na ♪
♪ Na-na na-na na-na
♪ Na-na na-na
na-na ♪
♪ Na-na na-na na-na
♪ Na-na na-na
na-na ♪
Comfy?
No?
Good.
69% complete.
Only a couple more hours
before the virus activates.
What are you doing, Shaw?
You're the one behind the Omen?
The plan?
Surprise.
Why?
Why stay in jail
when I can break out,
release the virus...
...and take over the CIA?
Oops. Gave away my plan.
Sarah, thank God!
Shaw broke out of prison,
where are you?
Sarah?
Hello, nerd.
Do me a favor?
Turn on the monitor.
Merry Christmas!
Hey, can I tell you a story?
You untie Sarah right now.
There's this tradition
in Germany
where Santa Claus--
or Krampus, as they call him--
visits all the naughty children
on Christmas Eve.
But instead of giving them coal,
he wakes them up, and the
naughtiest of children
never see Christmas Day.
Let her go.
Or what?
No Sarah, no Intersect...
You're worthless, Chuck.
I've put Castle on lockdown.
Do everything I say.
Or she dies.
Get my drift?
- Why are you doing this?
- Because you put me in jail?
Because of our last fight,
because you tried to kill me?
So much history, Chuck.
It could be anything.
Fine. What do you want?
The CIA base downtown.
Break into
Clyde Decker's office,
retrieve the Macau device,
and bring it to me.
What is it?
What does it look like?
Figure it out.
You have three hours.
Don't you hurt her.
Impressed?
I implicated Chuck
in a massive conspiracy,
and captured his girl.
All from an 8x8 cell.
You...
working with Clyde Decker? How?
Decker was a slug.
He tried to interrogate me,
and in one flash
I knew all his filthy secrets.
A little blackmail, and his
entire team was working for me.
You know what the best part is?
There's nothing that
Chuck can do to stop me.
What now, Chuck?
Chuck?
Oh, boy.
This is bad.
This is really bad.
He is shutting down.
Then we take care
of Shaw ourselves.
Yeah, but he has
the Intersect.
I mean, we're going to need
a plan, a really good plan.
I've got the plan.
Daniel Shaw murdered my father,
and now he has my wife.
He's gonna wish he
never left that prison cell.
That plan's kind of vague.
Morgan,
I need you to reverse-engineer
that virus. Use the nerds.
If they're focused,
they're better than
any computer expert in the CIA.
We need to figure out
exactly what happens
when that virus activates.
I'm on it.
Casey.
Find alternate
routes into Castle.
I need options in case I can't
get the device that Shaw wants.
Whoa, whoa, hold on.
You're going to
break into the CIA?
Decker's office is on
level five. Omega level.
You go in alone, it's suicide.
Who said anything about
going in there alone?
The Macau device was
stolen two months ago
from a Chinese
technology company.
It compresses huge
quantities of data
to fit onto a single
computer hard drive.
Why would Shaw want it?
I have no idea.
What's the best way for me
to get into the CIA?
There's only one way in.
With me.
General, I can't tell you how
happy I am to hear you say that,
but you realize you're putting
yourself on the line here.
This is my team.
And nobody, especially Shaw,
is going to take us down.
I just got off the phone
with Buy More Corporate.
They want to know everything
there is to know
about this Omen virus--
what happens when
it activates.
In order to stop it, we
need to know its next move.
Fold.
I-- no, no.
You guys are the only ones
that understand C++
and a bunch of other
computer languages, okay?
I need you to crack this thing,
I need you
to do it now.
- Yeah. N.I.
- What?
- Not interested.
- Thank you.
It's an immature response,
I know,
but I, too, am
underincentivized.
Until this virus is cracked,
nobody's buying any crap
at the Buy More.
Which means no double overtime
and no Christmas bonus.
True.
But it seems a little
above and beyond
our usual duties.
Name your price.
I got this.
I would like a...
six-inch Classic Italian
BMT from Subway. Boom.
I was going to say
a trip to the Bahamas.
Subway. Done.
I'll make it a footlong.
Nice! Make mine
flatbread, boys!
I'm going into Castle,
in through the ducts.
All right. Hey, be careful.
It's a war zone.
Some scrooge stole Christmas
right out of the Buy More.
Mike, I'm really
sorry to bother you.
Maybe we should
just forget it.
You kidding?
Getting this angel her picture
with Santa might be
the only cheer I get to spread
around here this year.
Let Santa just grab his suit.
Damn hell!
What kind of monster steals
a Santa suit on Christmas Eve,
but leaves the eyebrows?
I am Eleanor Woodcomb.
Babe, don't worry,
I'm calling in the big guns.
Chuck, there's been a
robbery at the Buy More.
Brace yourself:
the Santa suit is gone.
Well, that's terrible.
Sounds like someone could use
a dose of the Christmas spirit.
Just promise me
that you and Sarah
will make it in time
for Christmas dinner.
Ellie really needs
her family around right now.
Yeah, yeah, of course, buddy.
We wouldn't miss it
for the world.
My wife has
been kidnapped,
and I'm officially
ruining Christmas
for the children
of Burbank.
We have a CIA Christmas party
to crash.
Now let's go save our girl.
Why's it getting
so cold in here?
Tapped into
the internal generator,
lowered the temperature.
To stop the mainframe
from overheating.
Once the virus activates,
the resulting data influx
could fry it in seconds.
You with me?
No, you're not.
If you were, you would've
brought a coat, silly.
You're going into
hypothermic shock.
Pretty soon, you'll be
in and out of consciousness
until finally
your heart stops beating.
Why don't you just kill me?
Kill you?
This is about you.
Why do you think I wanted you
in Castle and I sent Chuck
to the CIA?
We both know that
you're the superior spy.
I've missed you.
You're insane.
What we had was special.
I know you felt it.
I'm sure you've laid
in bed at night
thinking about me
beside you.
I'd rather be dead.
Got what I needed.
This is Sarah Walker,
and Daniel Shaw
is in complete control of me.
I don't know what your plan is,
but... it's not going to work.
Shaw's so handsome and smart.
I bet he reads lots of books.
You think you can beat Chuck?
You're not half the man
that he is.
You're not half the man
that he is.
This isn't about Chuck, Sarah.
This really is about you.
See,
I'm finally going to crush
your soul...
the way that you crushed mine.
Mmm.
12 inches of bubbly cheese,
spicy pepperoni and ham.
You really should try
the Fresh Fit option.
No-No offense.
Thank you.
What have we got so far?
All right, so if this virus hits
at the expected
rate and magnitude,
everything electronic
will shut down--
traffic lights, computers.
God, can you imagine a world
without the Internet?
What if it's up to us?
Two Buy More employees
left to stop the Omen virus
and save the world.
Come on.
The government has their
best people working on this.
Right?
♪
God, I hate corporate
Christmas parties.
Everyone turns into sloppy,
embarrassing messes.
Well, hello, Diane.
Oh, Stan, not again.
How about joining me
at the punch bowl?
Enough.
You're embarrassing
yourself, Stan.
Well, if that's gonna be
your attitude.
That is so weird.
Los Angeles spies.
Now focus.
The woman by the giant Subway
sandwich is your target.
Mm-hmm.
Colonel Caroline Hayne.
She's in charge
of internal security
with electronic
access to every room
in this building,
including Decker's office.
So what's our next move?
Seduce her, Bartowski.
Steal her key card.
She's a notorious tight ass,
except for one night
of the year.
Tonight.
Six hot toddies and men
are running for cover.
And you're sure I'm her type?
You're drawing breath
and you're in a Santa suit.
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
Oh! Merry Christmas.
Or Happy Hanukkah.
Whichever is
applicable.
You look like you
want some alone time
with old Saint Nick.
I want to sit on your lap.
Whoo!
I don't think
Mrs. Claus would approve
of any "shenanigans,"
you know.
Well, it's a good thing
Mrs. Claus is a no-show.
Oh, that seems inappropriate!
Oh.
Ooh, yeah!
Naughty Santa.
Uh...
That's just how I like it.
Caroline.
Diane.
Mr. Claus,
I will personally escort you
off the premises.
Oh, what a shame!
Merry Christmas!
Happy Kwanzaa!
Pull yourself together.
Play a little cat and mouse?
Fine.
But I'll find you.
I know you're unarmed.
The armory's been on lockdown.
You can't hide.
I know every secret,
every mission,
every mistake.
Scar on your left hand--
Calgary, 2004.
You never tried
catching throwing stars
after that, did you?
I know everything, Sarah.
I know everything.
You're upset with me.
That's obvious.
But do you really think
I want to spend
the holidays with you?
That I wouldn't rather be
with my family?
It's a trick question, Sarah.
Because you shot my wife
in cold blood.
You brought this all
upon yourself.
Very disappointing, Casey.
We have less than a minute
before a team figures
we've broken in.
Never took Decker
for much of an art collector.
I think I found it.
Colonel Hayne just
accessed Decker's office,
but I'm looking at her.
She's in the bullpen.
We got a code five.
This way,
Colonel Hayne.
Our minute came and went.
What are we gonna do?
There's no place to hide.
Pucker up, Bartowski.
You're about to become a man.
What, like a Bar Mitzvah?
Or something that's a little...
What exactly are you...
Santa!
Retreat immediately or I will
see you court-martialed!
You know, I typically
brush my teeth before I...
We never speak
of this again.
Never... ever...
Shaw, I've got the device.
Chuck, it's me.
Sarah, oh, my God.
You okay?
Yeah.
I escaped Shaw
and I'm hiding in Castle,
...but Shaw's
still down here-- hurry!
I'm on my way.
I know, I know, I know.
It's a madhouse.
It's a madhouse.
Good thing is that Jeff
and Lester made some progress.
How'd your day go?
I got the Macau Device,
and Sarah's hiding out
in Castle.
Sarah. Hey.
Is everything okay?
Casey disarmed Shaw.
He's locked up.
Thank God.
I'll be there soon.
Hurry up, dear.
How'd that go?
Everything all right?
Sarah says that Casey
took down Shaw.
Yes! Nice! Way to go.
She called me "dear."
She never calls me dear.
Shaw's using her somehow.
Oh, crap.
Last time he was in control,
he bought the Buy More.
Morgan, we've got to get
all these people out of here.
I tried, Morgan.
But we haven't made
a single sale all night.
I'm sorry.
Don't be.
Don't be, buddy.
It's okay.
Attention, Buy More shoppers.
Um...
I know
everyone's a little scared
about this
Omen virus...
but, uh, you should not
be waiting in line
on Christmas Eve.
All right?
It's not about the gifts,
it's about spending time with
your friends and your family.
And-and-and-and eggnog and
cheer-- spreading lots of cheer.
So, uh, as of now, uh,
the Buy More
is officially closed
for the holiday.
Sorry!
Thank you, come again
and, uh, and shop at Buy More.
Sorry! Sorry!
You're gonna have to...
gonna have to, kinda...
Thanks, buddy.
Well, come on, son,
I'll drive you home.
Your mama's cooking us a
big, fat, honey-glazed ham.
Aw... You know what?
I'm gonna stay here
and close up shop.
Can you make sure
everyone gets out safe?
All right.
Okay.
Hey. What's happening?
Ellie, what are you...?
What are you...?
We're-We're-We're
closing down for the night.
The picture with
Santa was a bust.
I sent Devon and Clara home.
Mom's flight's cancelled.
Sarah was supposed to
help with the decorations,
and now she's not
answering her phone.
Have you heard from her?
Yeah, uh, sort of.
She's kind of busy.
Chuck, what's going on?
It's Shaw.
He kidnapped Sarah.
Daniel Shaw, who killed Dad?
Um... what can I do?
I... I hate to say this--
just-just go home.
No, I want to help!
Ellie, please, go home, okay?
I have to know that you're safe.
Okay, but call me.
Call me as soon as you
know something, okay?
Yes. Yes. Okay.
Chuck, you be careful.
I love you.
You sick son of a bitch!
Just wanted to see
if any of the old fire
was still there.
No. Ice-cold.
This was Mary Bartowski's,
wasn't it?
I think I'll keep it.
Token of our last
night together.
I had no idea she was
your wife, Shaw.
I had no idea who you were.
I was just...
I was just on an assignment.
Mm. Is that supposed
to make me feel better?
I was just a young agent.
I was just doing my job, okay?
You, of all people,
need to understand that.
Really?
Well, what about the pit
you dug out of my chest?
Is that supposed
to fill it in?
Is this going to?
You're a good man, Shaw.
You can be that man again.
Just stop what you're
doing, please.
Okay?
You can let this...
you can let this all go.
I know you're in pain,
and you want this
to stop, but not yet.
Not until you feel a pain
more excruciating than
you ever imagined.
Chuck is coming up with a way
to stop you as we speak.
We have reason to believe
this whole entire Omen virus,
end of the world,
apocalyptic thingy--
it's a hoax--
it's literally a hoax.
The virus is
hypothetically designed
to suck information out of
a whole set of computers
and move that information
to a single location.
But it's not doing that.
It's absolutely not doing that.
Or it's not doing
that with our computers.
It looks like this virus is
targeting government computers.
I think it's a real-life
conspiracy.
Problem is, no one computer can
hold all that information.
Right? Right?
Yeah. Of course not.
Of course not...
Morgan, it's not going
into a computer.
Shaw is using
the Macau Device
to relocate the CIA
database into his brain.
He's trying to create
the Intersect 3.0.
Oh, crap. With the CIA's
databases wiped clean,
they'll have to rely on Shaw
for their intel.
They have to make him
a spy again.
Gentlemen!
Gentlemen, uh...
the Buy More is closed.
You can go home.
Happy holidays.
Maybe drink some water.
Water can only dilute
this feeling.
Plus, fish have sex in it.
Jeffrey, let's go
for a run.
- Great idea. Great idea.
- Great idea.
All right, Chuck,
tell me you got some
kind of an idea here,
'cause I'm a little scared.
Don't freak out.
I've got an idea.
- Okay.
- I just hope it works.
Me, too.
Seeing as how our lives
kind of depend on it.
You knew that, right?
Yeah.
You've got the device.
Now let Sarah go
and take me instead.
And why would I trust you?
Look at the monitor.
Buy More is empty.
You can come up here
and kill me.
As long as Sarah's safe.
Pitiful.
Good, you're awake.
You know what
the ultimate revenge is?
Spending Christmas Eve with you.
I'm gonna let you live.
I want you to watch
while I kill your husband.
Chuck has a plan.
So do I.
And I've spent the last two
years in prison, perfecting it.
You killed my wife.
Now you're gonna suffer,
just like I did.
You're gonna spend the rest of
your life without Chuck.
Hi, I'm Mr. Pippers,
the Preppy Polar Bear.
You can leave a message
by pressing hard on my paw.
Have fun.
Alex...
Dad...
I just want you to know
that I'm proud of you...
...and I'm sorry I haven't been
there for you all these years.
...and I'm really sorry that
I'm having to tell you this
recorded on an electronic bear.
Electronic bear.
I'm unarmed.
You can shoot me now,
if that's your plan.
But for some reason,
I don't think it is.
No, you're absolutely right.
It's very important
that I enjoy this.
Really?
Well, that's a
nice idea, Shaw.
However, if I
remember correctly,
the last time we were face
to face, I kicked your ass.
I made sure that'll
never happen again.
No Intersect to help you
this time, Chuck.
♪
I wouldn't be too sure
about that.
I've been training
for a while now.
Oh, really?
Well, can you compete
with the Intersect 3.0?
I can practically
catch a bullet in my teeth.
But you did some push-ups?
You hit the heavy bag?
Oh, just so
you know,
while you're begging
for mercy,
your wife is watching.
♪
I've spent every waking second
in jail
thinking about this moment.
This time,
I'm going to kill you.
You seriously underestimate
the power of the Nerd Herd.
The Omen virus-- you put it...
Inside your head.
Instead of downloading
the Intersect 3.0,
you removed it.
And it turns out
that's the last flash
you're ever going to have.
I'm a much bigger nerd
than you thought I was.
Oh, geez.
Hey. Hey. Hey.
Wake up. Wake...
Oh, my God,
you're like an ice cube.
Hang in there.
I got this. I got this.
Uh, I'm going to pick you up
with the chair.
All right, so just
bear with me.
Okay.
Oh, my God. Oh, man.
One, two...
I'm still going
to kill you.
I'd like to see you try.
I've been working
on that one.
That one's for Sarah.
Is that all you got?
I got a little bit more.
All right, listen to me.
Listen to me.
You're going to have to wake up.
You have to wake up because
you're bolted in here and I
don't have a key for the lock.
What are you...? Y-you're shot.
You're-you're bleeding.
Shut up, numbnuts.
We got to get her out of here.
- Get her.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Whoa.
"Dear"?
"Hurry up, dear"?
Sloppy, Shaw.
Won't happen again.
That was for my dad.
You're good, Chuck.
But you're not lucky.
That was for me.
Nice shot, sis.
But I told you to stay at home.
I'm Eleanor Woodcomb.
Since when do I do
what I'm told?
That man took our father
away from us, Chuck.
I wasn't going to let him
take anybody else.
Merry Christmas, Ellie.
Merry Christmas, Chuck.
Authorities have confirmed,
that the Omen virus
was planted by a terrorist
named Daniel Shaw.
A private security team
stopped him
before the virus was activated.
And although they've chosen
to remain anonymous,
we here at KCKH
want to say thank you
and also wish our viewers
a happy holiday.
And now, onto other news,
where a dog barks like a duck.
All members
of Carmichael Industries
have a position open to them
at the CIA.
The agency would be
lucky to have you back.
Well, we couldn't have
done it without you.
So thanks, colleague.
With that,
I'll bid you farewell
and Merry Christmas.
Do you have a place
to spend the holidays?
You could come
to our place.
Yeah, but,
Sarah, I think
my Christmas party's a bust.
No, no, no, no.
Your Christmas party
is not a bust, sis.
Don't you know
that when you roll
with General
Diane Beckman,
you roll in style?
General...
don't you think the CIA
could help us throw
just a little
eensy-weensy Bartowski family
Christmas party?
You're talking about American
tax dollars at work.
Oh, hell, let's do it.
That's the spirit.
♪
Aw.
Thank you, thank you,
thank you.
I know that without
Mom and Dad around,
it could never be
a perfect Christmas,
but I hope you know
that you'll always have me.
I do.
Felt pretty good
taking down Shaw.
Mmm.
I think Dad would be proud.
I know he would be.
I miss him.
Me, too.
I love you.
I love you, too.
Merry Christmas.
I, uh...
made a recording when
things got a little grim.
It's just that...
it's probably better
I tell you in person.
I love you.
I love you, too, Dad.
I know it's a...
just a little bear.
It's not going to make up
for all the lost
holidays, but...
No, it's... it's perfect.
You know, that...
that Grimes kid,
he's not that bad.
You should...
maybe give him another chance.
♪
It was fun, man.
Like old times,
before you
got all smart.
It's actually the only
Christmas Eve I remember.
I'm usually drunk on
Manischewitz by now.
I miss that.
Thank you.
For defeating
Daniel Shaw?
For stopping
the Omen virus?
Or was it me getting us
invited to rejoin the CIA?
For saving me.
Technically, Morgan saved you.
Because of all the saving
that was going on,
I wasn't able to
get you your gift
in time for Christmas;
however... however...
An oldie, but a goodie.
I hope that this will
suffice for now.
Thank you.
Smile!
Oh, now she'll
always be able
to remember her
first Christmas.
Yeah.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Chuck, you should
know that, um,
while I was tied up in Castle,
Shaw kissed me.
Well, as long as we're
airing things out,
you should know...
that Beckman kissed me.
Walker.
A word.
Uh...
General, I know about the, um...
with you and Chuck.
We all have to make sacrifices
for the job.
Shaw requested a meet with you.
I suggest you
don't go.
What?
Je suis content que tu sois venu.
I'll be locked in solitary
the rest of my life.
But one thing's
going to keep me warm at night.
Little something
I put into motion
that you'll never
be able to stop.
Do you remember Hungary?
Does Chuck know about the baby?
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Here are a few things that
you might need to know.
The Omen. A computer
virus that can erase
a hundred zetabytes
of data per second.
It could take down
the Internet, crash airplanes,
and erase every
database in the world.
In truth, Chuck, the virus
is just a piece of the plan.
- What happens now?
- That's the real surprise, isn't it?
There. The Omen is officially
unleashed upon the world.
♪
Christmas cheer?
Try Christmas fear.
A virus dubbed "The Omen" has
infected computers worldwide.
And it has Christmas
shoppers in a panic.
Are their hard drives
in danger of being erased?
Or, is the virus a gag
that does nothing?
Why panic? Ask yourself:
what would baby Jesus do?
- And you are...?
I'm Michael Tucker, assistant
manager of Burbank Buy More.
I want customers to remember
the true meaning of Christmas,
and get back to what you're
supposed to be doing:
buying stuff.
Like this iPad!
A bargain for $599.
Honestly, it's overpriced.
You can get all this
stuff on the Internet.
See, everything is fine
here at the Buy More.
Totally fine!
No computer virus problems here.
Dear God! Jeffrey!
I need your help, buddy.
These people are animals.
The virus is everywhere, and
nobody knows how to stop it!
Nobody knows how to stop it!
What is going on here?
Authorities do not know who
is responsible for the Omen
virus, but assume it is an
act of cyber-terrorism...
Every prison cell in here is
connected to the mainframe.
What if the Omen virus hits us?
You worry too much.
Take another snort
of almond-milk nog.
Do you hear that?
Ellie. Relax.
We are so behind!
We are so crazy behind,
and I can't find it!
Find what?
The star for the top
of the Christmas tree,
the one that Dad gave me.
Deep breaths, Namaste style.
Devon, it's Christmas Eve,
we are having a party
in six hours,
we don't have a tree,
we don't have decorations...
I am Eleanor Woodcomb.
What are you doing?
I am Eleanor Woodcomb.
Saying your name aloud
helps to calm you.
Reminds you you're in control
of your own actions.
I am Eleanor Woodcomb.
I am Eleanor Woodcomb.
Yeah, that didn't work.
Okay.
What are you
freaking out about?
Because Christmas was
my first memory, okay?
The presents, the smell
of fresh-baked cookies,
and I know that Clara is a
little young, but I thought that
maybe it could be her first
memory, too, and I just...
I want everything
to be perfect.
All right.
What's going to turn
that frown upside down?
A real tree, lights,
fake snow, and a picture
of Clara on Santa's lap?
That's a tall order, babe.
I know.
But... that is why I recruited
someone onto our team.
Ellie.
Sarah, I need an update.
It's okay. Project Santa
is under control.
Got the decorations
from your list,
you just need to get
the tree and the snow.
Thanks.
Okay, bye.
Hey, Sarah.
Your sister is in
full-blown Christmas mode.
Well, it wouldn't be Christmas
with the Bartowskis without
a little bit of drama.
Speaking of which...
No progress on the virus?
Whoever's behind this
is a ghost. Untraceable.
No. There is no such thing.
They just haven't
slipped up yet.
And when they do? Carmichael
Industries will be there
to take them down.
But for now, I promise
nobody is going to
ruin our Christmas.
Just everyone else's.
Chuck, it's going to be okay.
Look, I'm going to lock up
Castle and come home.
Oh, by the way, will you
tell Casey, uh... Mr. Pippers,
the Preppy Polar Bear,
has arrived.
Mr. Pippers? Really?
Oh, man, that's like our
favorite childhood toy, right?
One of, yeah.
Top five. Maybe.
But still, our generation.
Not really yours.
I got it on eBay.
Alex's mom said she used to run
around with a little bear thing
like that. It's still in
its original package.
I thought it was
a good idea. Dumb, huh?
No.
It's actually quite touching.
Like you're feeling
real human emotion.
Don't you ever
say that again.
And don't you breathe
a word of this to Alex.
No. No. My lips are...
my lips are sealed.
Christmas presents are sacred
in the Grimes family.
Gentlemen.
General.
We have an emergency.
We know who's behind this.
Merry Christmas, Sarah.
Miss me?
Not for a second.
Ah!
That's no way to treat
an old boyfriend.
Just give up, Walker.
You're no match
for the Intersect.
♪ Chuck 5x07 ♪
Chuck Versus the Santa Suit
Original Air Date on December 23, 2011
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
♪ Na-na na-na na-na
♪ Na-na na-na
na-na ♪
♪ Na-na na-na na-na
♪ Na-na na-na
na-na ♪
♪ Na-na na-na na-na
♪ Na-na na-na
na-na ♪
Comfy?
No?
Good.
69% complete.
Only a couple more hours
before the virus activates.
What are you doing, Shaw?
You're the one behind the Omen?
The plan?
Surprise.
Why?
Why stay in jail
when I can break out,
release the virus...
...and take over the CIA?
Oops. Gave away my plan.
Sarah, thank God!
Shaw broke out of prison,
where are you?
Sarah?
Hello, nerd.
Do me a favor?
Turn on the monitor.
Merry Christmas!
Hey, can I tell you a story?
You untie Sarah right now.
There's this tradition
in Germany
where Santa Claus--
or Krampus, as they call him--
visits all the naughty children
on Christmas Eve.
But instead of giving them coal,
he wakes them up, and the
naughtiest of children
never see Christmas Day.
Let her go.
Or what?
No Sarah, no Intersect...
You're worthless, Chuck.
I've put Castle on lockdown.
Do everything I say.
Or she dies.
Get my drift?
- Why are you doing this?
- Because you put me in jail?
Because of our last fight,
because you tried to kill me?
So much history, Chuck.
It could be anything.
Fine. What do you want?
The CIA base downtown.
Break into
Clyde Decker's office,
retrieve the Macau device,
and bring it to me.
What is it?
What does it look like?
Figure it out.
You have three hours.
Don't you hurt her.
Impressed?
I implicated Chuck
in a massive conspiracy,
and captured his girl.
All from an 8x8 cell.
You...
working with Clyde Decker? How?
Decker was a slug.
He tried to interrogate me,
and in one flash
I knew all his filthy secrets.
A little blackmail, and his
entire team was working for me.
You know what the best part is?
There's nothing that
Chuck can do to stop me.
What now, Chuck?
Chuck?
Oh, boy.
This is bad.
This is really bad.
He is shutting down.
Then we take care
of Shaw ourselves.
Yeah, but he has
the Intersect.
I mean, we're going to need
a plan, a really good plan.
I've got the plan.
Daniel Shaw murdered my father,
and now he has my wife.
He's gonna wish he
never left that prison cell.
That plan's kind of vague.
Morgan,
I need you to reverse-engineer
that virus. Use the nerds.
If they're focused,
they're better than
any computer expert in the CIA.
We need to figure out
exactly what happens
when that virus activates.
I'm on it.
Casey.
Find alternate
routes into Castle.
I need options in case I can't
get the device that Shaw wants.
Whoa, whoa, hold on.
You're going to
break into the CIA?
Decker's office is on
level five. Omega level.
You go in alone, it's suicide.
Who said anything about
going in there alone?
The Macau device was
stolen two months ago
from a Chinese
technology company.
It compresses huge
quantities of data
to fit onto a single
computer hard drive.
Why would Shaw want it?
I have no idea.
What's the best way for me
to get into the CIA?
There's only one way in.
With me.
General, I can't tell you how
happy I am to hear you say that,
but you realize you're putting
yourself on the line here.
This is my team.
And nobody, especially Shaw,
is going to take us down.
I just got off the phone
with Buy More Corporate.
They want to know everything
there is to know
about this Omen virus--
what happens when
it activates.
In order to stop it, we
need to know its next move.
Fold.
I-- no, no.
You guys are the only ones
that understand C++
and a bunch of other
computer languages, okay?
I need you to crack this thing,
I need you
to do it now.
- Yeah. N.I.
- What?
- Not interested.
- Thank you.
It's an immature response,
I know,
but I, too, am
underincentivized.
Until this virus is cracked,
nobody's buying any crap
at the Buy More.
Which means no double overtime
and no Christmas bonus.
True.
But it seems a little
above and beyond
our usual duties.
Name your price.
I got this.
I would like a...
six-inch Classic Italian
BMT from Subway. Boom.
I was going to say
a trip to the Bahamas.
Subway. Done.
I'll make it a footlong.
Nice! Make mine
flatbread, boys!
I'm going into Castle,
in through the ducts.
All right. Hey, be careful.
It's a war zone.
Some scrooge stole Christmas
right out of the Buy More.
Mike, I'm really
sorry to bother you.
Maybe we should
just forget it.
You kidding?
Getting this angel her picture
with Santa might be
the only cheer I get to spread
around here this year.
Let Santa just grab his suit.
Damn hell!
What kind of monster steals
a Santa suit on Christmas Eve,
but leaves the eyebrows?
I am Eleanor Woodcomb.
Babe, don't worry,
I'm calling in the big guns.
Chuck, there's been a
robbery at the Buy More.
Brace yourself:
the Santa suit is gone.
Well, that's terrible.
Sounds like someone could use
a dose of the Christmas spirit.
Just promise me
that you and Sarah
will make it in time
for Christmas dinner.
Ellie really needs
her family around right now.
Yeah, yeah, of course, buddy.
We wouldn't miss it
for the world.
My wife has
been kidnapped,
and I'm officially
ruining Christmas
for the children
of Burbank.
We have a CIA Christmas party
to crash.
Now let's go save our girl.
Why's it getting
so cold in here?
Tapped into
the internal generator,
lowered the temperature.
To stop the mainframe
from overheating.
Once the virus activates,
the resulting data influx
could fry it in seconds.
You with me?
No, you're not.
If you were, you would've
brought a coat, silly.
You're going into
hypothermic shock.
Pretty soon, you'll be
in and out of consciousness
until finally
your heart stops beating.
Why don't you just kill me?
Kill you?
This is about you.
Why do you think I wanted you
in Castle and I sent Chuck
to the CIA?
We both know that
you're the superior spy.
I've missed you.
You're insane.
What we had was special.
I know you felt it.
I'm sure you've laid
in bed at night
thinking about me
beside you.
I'd rather be dead.
Got what I needed.
This is Sarah Walker,
and Daniel Shaw
is in complete control of me.
I don't know what your plan is,
but... it's not going to work.
Shaw's so handsome and smart.
I bet he reads lots of books.
You think you can beat Chuck?
You're not half the man
that he is.
You're not half the man
that he is.
This isn't about Chuck, Sarah.
This really is about you.
See,
I'm finally going to crush
your soul...
the way that you crushed mine.
Mmm.
12 inches of bubbly cheese,
spicy pepperoni and ham.
You really should try
the Fresh Fit option.
No-No offense.
Thank you.
What have we got so far?
All right, so if this virus hits
at the expected
rate and magnitude,
everything electronic
will shut down--
traffic lights, computers.
God, can you imagine a world
without the Internet?
What if it's up to us?
Two Buy More employees
left to stop the Omen virus
and save the world.
Come on.
The government has their
best people working on this.
Right?
♪
God, I hate corporate
Christmas parties.
Everyone turns into sloppy,
embarrassing messes.
Well, hello, Diane.
Oh, Stan, not again.
How about joining me
at the punch bowl?
Enough.
You're embarrassing
yourself, Stan.
Well, if that's gonna be
your attitude.
That is so weird.
Los Angeles spies.
Now focus.
The woman by the giant Subway
sandwich is your target.
Mm-hmm.
Colonel Caroline Hayne.
She's in charge
of internal security
with electronic
access to every room
in this building,
including Decker's office.
So what's our next move?
Seduce her, Bartowski.
Steal her key card.
She's a notorious tight ass,
except for one night
of the year.
Tonight.
Six hot toddies and men
are running for cover.
And you're sure I'm her type?
You're drawing breath
and you're in a Santa suit.
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
Oh! Merry Christmas.
Or Happy Hanukkah.
Whichever is
applicable.
You look like you
want some alone time
with old Saint Nick.
I want to sit on your lap.
Whoo!
I don't think
Mrs. Claus would approve
of any "shenanigans,"
you know.
Well, it's a good thing
Mrs. Claus is a no-show.
Oh, that seems inappropriate!
Oh.
Ooh, yeah!
Naughty Santa.
Uh...
That's just how I like it.
Caroline.
Diane.
Mr. Claus,
I will personally escort you
off the premises.
Oh, what a shame!
Merry Christmas!
Happy Kwanzaa!
Pull yourself together.
Play a little cat and mouse?
Fine.
But I'll find you.
I know you're unarmed.
The armory's been on lockdown.
You can't hide.
I know every secret,
every mission,
every mistake.
Scar on your left hand--
Calgary, 2004.
You never tried
catching throwing stars
after that, did you?
I know everything, Sarah.
I know everything.
You're upset with me.
That's obvious.
But do you really think
I want to spend
the holidays with you?
That I wouldn't rather be
with my family?
It's a trick question, Sarah.
Because you shot my wife
in cold blood.
You brought this all
upon yourself.
Very disappointing, Casey.
We have less than a minute
before a team figures
we've broken in.
Never took Decker
for much of an art collector.
I think I found it.
Colonel Hayne just
accessed Decker's office,
but I'm looking at her.
She's in the bullpen.
We got a code five.
This way,
Colonel Hayne.
Our minute came and went.
What are we gonna do?
There's no place to hide.
Pucker up, Bartowski.
You're about to become a man.
What, like a Bar Mitzvah?
Or something that's a little...
What exactly are you...
Santa!
Retreat immediately or I will
see you court-martialed!
You know, I typically
brush my teeth before I...
We never speak
of this again.
Never... ever...
Shaw, I've got the device.
Chuck, it's me.
Sarah, oh, my God.
You okay?
Yeah.
I escaped Shaw
and I'm hiding in Castle,
...but Shaw's
still down here-- hurry!
I'm on my way.
I know, I know, I know.
It's a madhouse.
It's a madhouse.
Good thing is that Jeff
and Lester made some progress.
How'd your day go?
I got the Macau Device,
and Sarah's hiding out
in Castle.
Sarah. Hey.
Is everything okay?
Casey disarmed Shaw.
He's locked up.
Thank God.
I'll be there soon.
Hurry up, dear.
How'd that go?
Everything all right?
Sarah says that Casey
took down Shaw.
Yes! Nice! Way to go.
She called me "dear."
She never calls me dear.
Shaw's using her somehow.
Oh, crap.
Last time he was in control,
he bought the Buy More.
Morgan, we've got to get
all these people out of here.
I tried, Morgan.
But we haven't made
a single sale all night.
I'm sorry.
Don't be.
Don't be, buddy.
It's okay.
Attention, Buy More shoppers.
Um...
I know
everyone's a little scared
about this
Omen virus...
but, uh, you should not
be waiting in line
on Christmas Eve.
All right?
It's not about the gifts,
it's about spending time with
your friends and your family.
And-and-and-and eggnog and
cheer-- spreading lots of cheer.
So, uh, as of now, uh,
the Buy More
is officially closed
for the holiday.
Sorry!
Thank you, come again
and, uh, and shop at Buy More.
Sorry! Sorry!
You're gonna have to...
gonna have to, kinda...
Thanks, buddy.
Well, come on, son,
I'll drive you home.
Your mama's cooking us a
big, fat, honey-glazed ham.
Aw... You know what?
I'm gonna stay here
and close up shop.
Can you make sure
everyone gets out safe?
All right.
Okay.
Hey. What's happening?
Ellie, what are you...?
What are you...?
We're-We're-We're
closing down for the night.
The picture with
Santa was a bust.
I sent Devon and Clara home.
Mom's flight's cancelled.
Sarah was supposed to
help with the decorations,
and now she's not
answering her phone.
Have you heard from her?
Yeah, uh, sort of.
She's kind of busy.
Chuck, what's going on?
It's Shaw.
He kidnapped Sarah.
Daniel Shaw, who killed Dad?
Um... what can I do?
I... I hate to say this--
just-just go home.
No, I want to help!
Ellie, please, go home, okay?
I have to know that you're safe.
Okay, but call me.
Call me as soon as you
know something, okay?
Yes. Yes. Okay.
Chuck, you be careful.
I love you.
You sick son of a bitch!
Just wanted to see
if any of the old fire
was still there.
No. Ice-cold.
This was Mary Bartowski's,
wasn't it?
I think I'll keep it.
Token of our last
night together.
I had no idea she was
your wife, Shaw.
I had no idea who you were.
I was just...
I was just on an assignment.
Mm. Is that supposed
to make me feel better?
I was just a young agent.
I was just doing my job, okay?
You, of all people,
need to understand that.
Really?
Well, what about the pit
you dug out of my chest?
Is that supposed
to fill it in?
Is this going to?
You're a good man, Shaw.
You can be that man again.
Just stop what you're
doing, please.
Okay?
You can let this...
you can let this all go.
I know you're in pain,
and you want this
to stop, but not yet.
Not until you feel a pain
more excruciating than
you ever imagined.
Chuck is coming up with a way
to stop you as we speak.
We have reason to believe
this whole entire Omen virus,
end of the world,
apocalyptic thingy--
it's a hoax--
it's literally a hoax.
The virus is
hypothetically designed
to suck information out of
a whole set of computers
and move that information
to a single location.
But it's not doing that.
It's absolutely not doing that.
Or it's not doing
that with our computers.
It looks like this virus is
targeting government computers.
I think it's a real-life
conspiracy.
Problem is, no one computer can
hold all that information.
Right? Right?
Yeah. Of course not.
Of course not...
Morgan, it's not going
into a computer.
Shaw is using
the Macau Device
to relocate the CIA
database into his brain.
He's trying to create
the Intersect 3.0.
Oh, crap. With the CIA's
databases wiped clean,
they'll have to rely on Shaw
for their intel.
They have to make him
a spy again.
Gentlemen!
Gentlemen, uh...
the Buy More is closed.
You can go home.
Happy holidays.
Maybe drink some water.
Water can only dilute
this feeling.
Plus, fish have sex in it.
Jeffrey, let's go
for a run.
- Great idea. Great idea.
- Great idea.
All right, Chuck,
tell me you got some
kind of an idea here,
'cause I'm a little scared.
Don't freak out.
I've got an idea.
- Okay.
- I just hope it works.
Me, too.
Seeing as how our lives
kind of depend on it.
You knew that, right?
Yeah.
You've got the device.
Now let Sarah go
and take me instead.
And why would I trust you?
Look at the monitor.
Buy More is empty.
You can come up here
and kill me.
As long as Sarah's safe.
Pitiful.
Good, you're awake.
You know what
the ultimate revenge is?
Spending Christmas Eve with you.
I'm gonna let you live.
I want you to watch
while I kill your husband.
Chuck has a plan.
So do I.
And I've spent the last two
years in prison, perfecting it.
You killed my wife.
Now you're gonna suffer,
just like I did.
You're gonna spend the rest of
your life without Chuck.
Hi, I'm Mr. Pippers,
the Preppy Polar Bear.
You can leave a message
by pressing hard on my paw.
Have fun.
Alex...
Dad...
I just want you to know
that I'm proud of you...
...and I'm sorry I haven't been
there for you all these years.
...and I'm really sorry that
I'm having to tell you this
recorded on an electronic bear.
Electronic bear.
I'm unarmed.
You can shoot me now,
if that's your plan.
But for some reason,
I don't think it is.
No, you're absolutely right.
It's very important
that I enjoy this.
Really?
Well, that's a
nice idea, Shaw.
However, if I
remember correctly,
the last time we were face
to face, I kicked your ass.
I made sure that'll
never happen again.
No Intersect to help you
this time, Chuck.
♪
I wouldn't be too sure
about that.
I've been training
for a while now.
Oh, really?
Well, can you compete
with the Intersect 3.0?
I can practically
catch a bullet in my teeth.
But you did some push-ups?
You hit the heavy bag?
Oh, just so
you know,
while you're begging
for mercy,
your wife is watching.
♪
I've spent every waking second
in jail
thinking about this moment.
This time,
I'm going to kill you.
You seriously underestimate
the power of the Nerd Herd.
The Omen virus-- you put it...
Inside your head.
Instead of downloading
the Intersect 3.0,
you removed it.
And it turns out
that's the last flash
you're ever going to have.
I'm a much bigger nerd
than you thought I was.
Oh, geez.
Hey. Hey. Hey.
Wake up. Wake...
Oh, my God,
you're like an ice cube.
Hang in there.
I got this. I got this.
Uh, I'm going to pick you up
with the chair.
All right, so just
bear with me.
Okay.
Oh, my God. Oh, man.
One, two...
I'm still going
to kill you.
I'd like to see you try.
I've been working
on that one.
That one's for Sarah.
Is that all you got?
I got a little bit more.
All right, listen to me.
Listen to me.
You're going to have to wake up.
You have to wake up because
you're bolted in here and I
don't have a key for the lock.
What are you...? Y-you're shot.
You're-you're bleeding.
Shut up, numbnuts.
We got to get her out of here.
- Get her.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Whoa.
"Dear"?
"Hurry up, dear"?
Sloppy, Shaw.
Won't happen again.
That was for my dad.
You're good, Chuck.
But you're not lucky.
That was for me.
Nice shot, sis.
But I told you to stay at home.
I'm Eleanor Woodcomb.
Since when do I do
what I'm told?
That man took our father
away from us, Chuck.
I wasn't going to let him
take anybody else.
Merry Christmas, Ellie.
Merry Christmas, Chuck.
Authorities have confirmed,
that the Omen virus
was planted by a terrorist
named Daniel Shaw.
A private security team
stopped him
before the virus was activated.
And although they've chosen
to remain anonymous,
we here at KCKH
want to say thank you
and also wish our viewers
a happy holiday.
And now, onto other news,
where a dog barks like a duck.
All members
of Carmichael Industries
have a position open to them
at the CIA.
The agency would be
lucky to have you back.
Well, we couldn't have
done it without you.
So thanks, colleague.
With that,
I'll bid you farewell
and Merry Christmas.
Do you have a place
to spend the holidays?
You could come
to our place.
Yeah, but,
Sarah, I think
my Christmas party's a bust.
No, no, no, no.
Your Christmas party
is not a bust, sis.
Don't you know
that when you roll
with General
Diane Beckman,
you roll in style?
General...
don't you think the CIA
could help us throw
just a little
eensy-weensy Bartowski family
Christmas party?
You're talking about American
tax dollars at work.
Oh, hell, let's do it.
That's the spirit.
♪
Aw.
Thank you, thank you,
thank you.
I know that without
Mom and Dad around,
it could never be
a perfect Christmas,
but I hope you know
that you'll always have me.
I do.
Felt pretty good
taking down Shaw.
Mmm.
I think Dad would be proud.
I know he would be.
I miss him.
Me, too.
I love you.
I love you, too.
Merry Christmas.
I, uh...
made a recording when
things got a little grim.
It's just that...
it's probably better
I tell you in person.
I love you.
I love you, too, Dad.
I know it's a...
just a little bear.
It's not going to make up
for all the lost
holidays, but...
No, it's... it's perfect.
You know, that...
that Grimes kid,
he's not that bad.
You should...
maybe give him another chance.
♪
It was fun, man.
Like old times,
before you
got all smart.
It's actually the only
Christmas Eve I remember.
I'm usually drunk on
Manischewitz by now.
I miss that.
Thank you.
For defeating
Daniel Shaw?
For stopping
the Omen virus?
Or was it me getting us
invited to rejoin the CIA?
For saving me.
Technically, Morgan saved you.
Because of all the saving
that was going on,
I wasn't able to
get you your gift
in time for Christmas;
however... however...
An oldie, but a goodie.
I hope that this will
suffice for now.
Thank you.
Smile!
Oh, now she'll
always be able
to remember her
first Christmas.
Yeah.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Chuck, you should
know that, um,
while I was tied up in Castle,
Shaw kissed me.
Well, as long as we're
airing things out,
you should know...
that Beckman kissed me.
Walker.
A word.
Uh...
General, I know about the, um...
with you and Chuck.
We all have to make sacrifices
for the job.
Shaw requested a meet with you.
I suggest you
don't go.
What?
Je suis content que tu sois venu.
I'll be locked in solitary
the rest of my life.
But one thing's
going to keep me warm at night.
Little something
I put into motion
that you'll never
be able to stop.
Do you remember Hungary?
Does Chuck know about the baby?
== sync, corrected by elderman ==