Chuck (2007–2012): Season 5, Episode 1 - Chuck Versus the Zoom - full transcript

Hi I'm Chuck. Here are a few things
that you might need to know.

You think
you've been fighting evil...

doing good?

You think it was all a coincidence?

The Intersect, FULCRUM,
The Ring, Shaw, Agent X?

You're just a pawn, you always were.

- Don't take the Intersect.
- You're fired, Chuck.

Operation Bartowski is done.

What if we went into business
for ourselves?

Hartley turned over
all of Volkoff's assets to us.

Our first purchase was the Buy More
and everything below it.



Freelance spies.
Under the radar, above the law.

This is gonna be so much fun.

Nice.

I know kung fu.

Ocean view, gulls flying by?

Think this is something
you could get used to?

I think I'm more of
a toes-in-the-sand kind of girl.

I like the idea
of waking up in the morning

and rolling out onto the beach.

Then maybe we can find
a nice little place

on the sand someday if we,
you know...

- Survive this?
- Yeah.

How you doing today?

No shooting.



I don't want the blood and the mess
on the pool deck.

Make them jump.

- Think we can survive this?
- I don't think so, honey.

Honey?

You talk like an old married couple.

Actually...

I'm sorry,

I don't care.

- Throw them off the cliff.
- Do it and die, Jean Claude.

We just came for the vase.
It belongs to our client.

You let us have it
and maybe we'll let you live.

You've fallen into our trap.

We work with a master spy,
somebody who you can't see coming.

In fact, right now, he's probably...

I want it noted that I took out
six of their guys.

He was taking this.

You thieves have expensive tastes.

This vase is worth $6 million.

It's times like these,
I wish I still had the Intersect.

You don't.

- What now, Moriarty?
- Kill them.

Wait!

We have another master spy.

First mission as the Intersect.
You can do this.

They need you, Morgan, so get in
there, okay, and you be a man.

No, be more than a man.

Start with the man part,
just be a man first.

Keep going, thief,

this is fun.

The fun's about to end,

because while we've been standing
around chatting,

our other master spy

has been effortlessly breaching
your compound's security.

I'm good, I'm good.

He's heartless, cruel...

I'm so sorry, fishies,
about your pond.

You think your security men
are the best, top-notch?

I admit I do.

Our spy is currently slicing
through them

like a hot knife through butter.

Go on, say something
about you-know-who.

Do I have to?

Yes.

He'll tear your limbs off
and beat you with them.

Points for trying,
but where is this master spy?

You looking for me?

Right here, tough guy.

Here we go.

Kill him, too.
Kill them all.

- Come on.
- Now's the time, buddy.

I'm working on it, working on it.

And...

we're dead.

Let's dance.

Who the hell are you?

Charles Carmichael
of Carmichael Industries,

private contractors, spies for hire.

Don't forget it.

I really thought that the latch

was latched, but...

Buff that right out.
I think we can still make that work.

We're still working out the kinks.

Chuck 5x01
Chuck Versus the Zoom

All righty, folks,
it wasn't a total catastrophe.

The client was not interested
in the vase but the microchip inside it,

and that is intact.

We are in the pink.

The vase was going to be our payment.

And...
still is, fully restored.

Who's not going to pay six mil

for a slightly used Ming vase?

We mowed through the Volkoff fortune
on start-up costs.

Look at these numbers.

$42 million, which is
still a lot of dough.

Rockets, bullets, the private jet,

servicing the private
jet, the fresh shrimp

that Morgan likes to eat
on the private jet.

You have to understand they're
just not the same frozen.

They're expensive,
and if we're going to stay solvent,

then we need to collect soon.

Or crawl back to Beckman,
get a government contract.

Never had a problem with Uncle Sam.
Beat the yahoos we got coming in here.

Our problem is not with Uncle Sam,
it's with Clyde Decker,

and I don't see that
changing anytime soon.

Beg, plead.

You know I get antsy taking cases
with moral ambiguity.

Guys, come on.

Isn't this what we wanted?
Come on, Carmichael Industries...

the independence and freedom
to do what we want when we want,

and we're doing good,
we're doing good. We got a solid team.

We just need a little more time
to get our feet on solid ground.

And, in the meantime,
we work for dirtbags.

You're handling this really well.

All the bumps in the road and Morgan

with the Intersect
and you without it.

Which is fine.

Morgan has the Intersect now,
but I'm happy for him.

Plus, I get to work
with my smoking hot wife

and my best friends.
Who could ask for anything more?

Okay.

- What was that?
- What was what?

- Are you hiding something?
- Why would I need to hide anything?

Okay.

Okay.

Morgan, Operation VFTB is dead.

"View from the Bluff" is dead?

I found the perfect house
for you guys.

Except that I was wrong
and Sarah doesn't want

a house on the bluff.
She wants her toes in the sand.

"Operation Toes in the Sand."

Actually, it makes a better acronym.

Toes in the Sa-- T.I.T...

Why don't we
just call it "Operation Toes," okay?

Fine, fine, I'll start my research.

I know you've
been setting aside funds

for this house, you know,
and I hope my accident

with the vase didn't,
didn't blow it for you.

No, don't worry about it.

We've got a very promising
potential client.

We're going to wine and dine him and,
soon enough, we will be raking it in.

Good, and you know what?

If it all goes south,
well, we still have...

The Buy More.

She's served us well over the years.

It all seems so normal,

a little too normal.

Yeah.

Sleeping dogs, though.
Sleeping dogs.

It's Casey.
Wants us down in Castle.

All right.

Hoist the flag.

- What do you need?
- The client's here. I don't like him.

What? The who, the what?
The client... the client is here?

I thought we were going to wine
and dine the guy, charm him.

- Waste of time... he's here now.
- This is supposed to be a secret base.

I took precautions.

Good.

What precautions?

What the hell kind
of operation is this?

We're still working out the kinks.

$20 million

was stolen from me
by a high-level Ponzi schemer.

You heard the name Roger Bale?

You will soon.
He's bilked investors to the tune

of about a half a billion dollars.

Why not go to the cops?

I did,
but Bale has falsified records,

saying he lost the
money in normal trading and he's broke,

but he keeps buying
property in St. Martin. He's a thief.

The heart of Bale's operation

is a computer vault
in his corporate headquarters.

Access the accounts, get my money.

- We ride at midnight.
- His security is deadly.

So maybe,
we ride first thing in the morning.

- No need to rush.
- That's probably a better idea.

Twenty percent
of what you recover is yours.

Fifty.

Done some digging on you, Woodley.
You're just an ambulance chaser,

trial lawyer, scum of the earth.

He's kidding.

He's kidding.
He's only kidding.

Casey, Bale is worth
infiltrating anyway.

Looks like he's stolen money
from teachers' unions and families.

He stole $2 million
from Rush Limbaugh.

Tell me everything you know
about this animal.

He's throwing himself a party
tomorrow night...

his going-away...
but it's strictly invite,

and everything goes
through his secure Blackberry.

What a complete tool.

On the Bluetooth, all day...
how rude.

I'm getting a really good feed
from the satellite.

The party's being set up,
and the place looks like a fortress.

See? I told you satellite
was a good investment.

We just got to figure out
a way to get into his PDA

and invite ourselves to this party.

Let's talk house, homeboy.

What was that?
Did you say house?

Nothing, Sarah.
Just hopping off real quick.

The house is secret, remember?

The only real secret is gonna be
which room you're sleeping in.

Why? 17 of 'em!

Swimming pool, screening room,
bowling alley, gourmet kitchen,

second... bowling alley,

and it's on the beach.

It's crazy, but...

Toes in the sand.

Could you imagine how awesome
this would be?

To give Sarah the dream life?

Owning her own company,
living in the dream home,

a place that we can call our own.

We just need this gig to pay out.

I know.

Why don't we just nab this guy's phone
while he's playing squash?

I just zoomed on his gym bag.
Kensington Athletic.

It's like a exclusive squash club.
He's got to have a regular game, right?

That's fantastic.

Fantastic!

Zoomed?

Did you say you...

You said you zoomed on his gym bag?

Yes, because you had "flash,"
which was great, but...

I want to do my own thing, mix it up
a little bit, so I came up with zoom.

You don't like it.

"Zoom" it is, buddy.

- Whatever you want.
- Really?

You are so Zen right now.
If I had a power like that

and I thought it was gone forever,
I'd be a wreck.

But not you, you are my hero.

You're great even
without the Intersect.

How certain are you
that these glasses

only had one reload left in them?

Like... very certain.

I tried to access the program,
but there was no way to update it.

This version of the Intersect
is a one-time deal... I'm sorry.

That's okay.

Morgan's got it now, and he's doing
surprisingly well, so...

Chuck, what's wrong?

The Intersect opened me up
to big dreams.

But in order for those
dreams to become a reality,

I need this business
to succeed, and...

You think the company doesn't work
if you don't have the Intersect?

Yeah.

I don't think that Dad wanted you
to have the Intersect forever.

And besides, you don't need it.

The computer didn't make you a hero,

it just gave you
an opportunity to become one.

Now it's up to you.
The training wheels are off,

you're gonna fall down,
but I promise you... you can do this.

My two cents.

Thanks, sis.

I needed a good Ellie speech.

What are sisters for?

The mission, is to
access Roger Bale's PDA

and put ourselves on the guest
list for his party tonight.

The phone is gonna be
difficult to get to,

and password-protected when we do.

Bale has bodyguards;
could be trouble.

And that's why you're the one
going for the phone.

This plug-in
will cut through all the encryption

and install a virus that
will send me an invite.

Bale is playing in a club
squash tournament.

You're gonna delay his opponent while
I step in and match up with Bale.

He'll get to know my face
and name so that when

I show up at the party,
I won't be a stranger.

What?
What's the problem? What's up?

You're gonna play?

Do you actually
play any non-video game sports?

I played some racquetball.

I think I can fake
squash for half an hour.

I don't think so.

I...

Sweetheart...

- you know, I think what,
- Let's put Grimes on the court.

He can zoom on squash,
give the guy a game.

"Zoom"?

It'll buy me some time.
You delay his opponent,

take over the job I was gonna do.

It'll be great, right?
What was the job I was gonna do?

I think I'm supposed to be playing my
game right now. You sure it's only 2:00?

Mr. Burnham,
you just sit here and relax.

I will tell you when it's time.

And right now, it is... not time.

Bale's coming.
He's headed your way.

- Get ready, he'll be there in a minute.
- Yep.

You keep that bear on that table,

or this all falls apart.

Remember, I like it deep... and hard.

That's great.

That just sounds great.

Sorry for the delay.

I had a hot tub
full of nursing students.

- They're so chatty.
- Totally.

- So, you must be Killer Burnham?
- He's a no-show.

I'm Michael Carmichael
of Michael Carmichael Industries,

- a subsidiary of MikeCo.
- That sounds like big money.

You have no idea.

You know, if was standing
on my wallet...

I'd be tall.

Yeah.

Your skin is... soft to the touch.

- There you go.
- Is that a waxing situation?

My wife's talked to me
about waxing...

But I'm not really a big fan
of physical contact.

Outside of my job, of course.
This is what I do every day.

Your ball warm?

Here we go.

Amigo, my ball is...

red-hot.

- You're pretty quick.
- "Sneaky quick", they call that.

Sneaky quick.

- Put a little elbow grease into it.
- Yeah? Should I do that?

- There you go.
- There it is.

Almost there.

Almost there.

- Little deeper.
- You know...

You are a thick man.

Yeah... right there.

There it is.

Come on.

Turn and reach,
you old son of a bitch.

We got a problem.
Casey's caught up getting

Bale's phone.

Maybe I can tranq my guy
and give Casey an assist.

- So, let me ask you a question.
- Yes, sir.

This guy you're supposed
to play, Jim Burnham,

you called him something else.

Killer.

Heard he killed nine men
in the Foreign Legion.

The name stuck.

Only nine?

- What the hell?
- No, somebody's not relaxing!

Relax, breathe, breathe.

I just dropped something.
Oil's slippery.

John Casey.

I knew you'd fall for that old line.
I haven't seen you since jump school.

Stark.

Been a while.

- Breathe.
- Is that a gun?

I am gonna rip

your head off!

What's a leatherneck like you
doing in the Kensington Club?

Private security.

Me, too.
For a turd named Bale.

Real scuzzer, but at
least it's a payday.

I don't have to sell
you on selling out.

Guy with your skills, Casey,
you've got to be raking it in.

You think one little dart
is gonna drop 400 pounds

of solid meat?

You seem like a...

moderately successful individual.

Let's say a fella had 40 mil
just kind of lying around doing nothing.

- What would you do with it?
- You looking to invest?

- I might be.
- I might be.

Good game.

Oh, bunny doll, bunny doll,
Bale; Bale, bunny doll.

Why don't you guys come to
my party tomorrow night?

Tomorrow night? Bunny doll,
do we have anything, planned?

No. I don't think so.

- How do you feel? You want to go?
- I'm game.

Excellent?.

Good.

- It's a date?
- Tomorrow night.

- Quit goofing around. We gotta go.
- What about the mission?

Don't worry, Morgan saved the day.

Got an invite to the party.

Thank God for the Intersect?

Hey, buddy.

- Nice work on the mish today.
- Yes.

So listen, we wired a couple million
dollars into Bale's account.

You're all set for the party.
Would you go Bogart

with the white tux,
or would you go Bond with the black tux?

Black, definitely.

I knew it. I knew black tux.
Always bet on black. Right?

What's wrong?

Is this Intersect withdrawal?
Are you missing it?

Sure.

Yeah. Of course,
but it's more than that.

I'm just realizing
how hard it's going to be without it.

I guess I got used to our spy missions
being a little bit easier.

But remember the big picture here.

Your beautiful wife,
your perfect home.

It's all right here, buddy.
Toes in the sand.

It's the-the big picture.

I gotta go.
I'll get this to the lab.

Good job, team.

- Right, a high five here.
- Good.

Good briefing.

Do you realize
that I am a trained spy

who can tell when somebody
is keeping a secret?

Especially when that someone
happens to be my husband?

It's who I am.

Husband without a secret.

Casey and I are going to scout
Bale's corporate headquarters,

so we'll talk about this later.

Can't this be
that one-time conversation?

This isn't good.

We finally lost control
of the store, haven't we?

All right, where's Jeff?
No...

Where's Lester?
I can sense his

evil little hand all over this.

Hey, Jeff.

Heartbreaking, isn't it?

- What happened?
- What do you mean?

Is this about poor
Jeffrey over there?

Poor Jeffrey?

He was trampled by a stampede

of middle-aged secretaries
during the midnight release of

the talking Justin Bieber doll.

His legs were crushed.

He may never walk again.

But you would know that

if you ever bothered to come in
and actually manage the store, Grimes.

Or you, Bartowski,

if you ever bothered to come by
and check up on your friends.

Shame!

Shame.

I can't believe it.

It's terrible.
I feel so bad!

No.

I literally can't believe it.

Really? This?
They wouldn't. They couldn't.

What am I talking about?
It's Jeff and Lester.

Of course it's a scam.

Please help.
Buy More insurance ran out.

The audacity.

As the secret owner
of this establishment,

I happen to know
we have excellent insurance.

How are we going to prove that
Jeff and Lester are

- bilking it from the store?
- Maybe we construct

some sort of ruse, you know, and
trick him up out of the chair.

Or we could... Hang on.

Or we could wait for him
to stand up like the moron that he is.

Yeah.

Mr. Barnes, this is some
sort of insurance scam?!

Hey, guys.

You're gonna give back every penny,
or you're going to jail.

To see my mom?

Hey, guys, what are you doing?

This is a very sick man here.

My gosh!

You can walk!

Guys, it's a miracle.
It's a miracle.

This is because of your donations.

Shame.

- Shame.
- Shame.

I think we may need to spend
some more time at the Buy More.

Yeah, we do.

I forgot...
Sarah wants to have a talk.

She knows I'm keeping
a secret from her.

Not the house.

She's gonna try and break me.

Okay, I'm gonna
hold on to this, right?

And you go in there,
and you be strong.

Good luck. Remember,
I'm not there to save you this time.

In a minute!

So, honey, here's the thing.

I'm not trying
to keep anything from you.

You are my wife,
and that's a part of the deal.

I'm well aware of that. I would,
however, like to keep a few things

in a special category of

"you don't need to know aboutness."
Yeah.

No, no.

Not today.

This has worked in the past.
Not today.

- What is it?
- This. This. All that.

What's your secret?

My lips are sealed.

Let me help you unseal them.

- Hand it over.
- He cracked like an egg.

It's an acronym.
You see the little dots there?

- Whatever.
- If you were to break it up

and sound it out phonetically...

It's very sweet,
that you tried to surprise me.

With a dream home.

Yeah. Like that one
right there, right on the sand.

The perfect house for the perfect woman.
What do you think?

It's not right, is it?

You know, I could just keep

playing detective
and trying to read your mind...

I haven't...

This isn't something
that I've ever told anybody.

Hello.

Husband.

It's my official title now.
I have a ring to prove it.

You tell me things that
you don't tell other people.

When I was a little girl,

my dad's "work" kept us
moving around a lot.

And I always imagined what a
real family would feel like,

you know, what the perfect
home for us all would be,

and, you know, the dream house.
This is stupid.

No, it's not.
Babe, continue.

I always imagined

a little white house with
a red door and, don't laugh,

but it had a picket fence,
just like, you know,

the houses that you see
on TV that people live in.

Mid-century, very Leave It to Beaver?

Cozy, homey and simple.

And perfect.

Really?

Sarah, I'm going
to find you your dream home,

whatever it takes.

I'll do anything. I promise.

Testing, one, two.

One, two, three.

Looking good, team.

Especially you, Sarah.

Let's have a great mission, team?

While I sit by myself in the van.

God, I hope this works.

All right. Let's go over the plan,
one more time.

You locate Bale's computer vault.

You're gonna create a distraction,

giving Casey enough time to get into
the vault and tap into the system.

Got it.

- Bale, old man, good to see you.
- Nice to see you.

- Right? You remember Sarah?
- I do.

This is Chalmers, my mute manservant.

We have received your wire
and account information.

On behalf of our investors,
we're very excited to have you aboard.

I bet.

Follow me.

Will do.

- I was to be your accountant.
- What I did was, I improvised.

Okay.

You're doing great.
Just stay on point.

Remember the mission.
You're up.

Excellent, Casey.
Fiber optic cable leads all the way down

that hall. That's probably
where the vault is.

I'll need a key card.

I'm on it.

As you can see,
my fortune is based on shared wealth.

Finding others who enjoy

- the better things in life.
- Yeah, that's very bold.

This jerk's starting
to get handsy with my girl.

Our girl. Your girl.

Calm, Morgan!
Just calm down.

I think I'm gonna zoom, okay?
I can feel it coming on...

A little kung fu. I am gonna
karate chop this guy in the face.

Do not do that.
It's too soon.

Premature zoom? Really?
Crap!

Okay, what do I do?

- Think about baseball.
- Baseball.

Why baseball? I mean, come on.
It is so boring.

Just pitch the damn ball already!

And enough talk with the statistics!

Do you know what
a slugging percentage is?

Because I don't know.
And honestly,

who the hell cares?!

All right, that worked.
Thank you, buddy. I'm good.

Perhaps I can show you
around the gardens outside.

They are modeled after
the pleasure gardens of Italy.

Well, the pleasure would be all mine.

You're a good girl.

What a slime bag.

Excellent work, everybody.

Casey is on his way
to the computer vault.

Morgan, Sarah, distraction time.

All righty, Chuck.
Am I up?

You are up, buddy.
Zoom away.

I like that.

Let me show you how it's done.

Nice work, Morgan.

We're in.

Bingo. Now, once all
the accounts are downloaded,

we can reroute them
to the original investors.

No, no, no.
What's happening?

Decker.

Hello, Chuck.

- What are you doing?
- I'm using your computer

to access Bale's accounts
and freeze them.

No, you're gonna trigger the alarm.
My people are still inside.

Your people?

Cute.

Listen, I know you lied to me,

I know I'm not part of your bigger plan,
whatever the hell that is, okay?

You've won.
Now let us go.

Payback's a bitch, Charlie.

Guys, get out of there!

Mr. Carmichael?

Darling, I know
what you did with my key card.

Come with me now,

or I will kill you,
in front of all of my friends.

I think actually what's gonna happen is,
I'm gonna open up a big can of...

Come with me, Colonel.
Oh, I'm sorry.

You used to be a colonel.

Morgan, Sarah, Casey,
please, tell me what's happening.

I'm locked out of the accounts!
What have you done?

Do anything to us and you'll never have
access to those accounts ever again.

You see, we work with somebody.

A master spy

who always has a plan.

Okay, this isn't good.
No plan, no plan.

The master spy does not have a plan.

I don't want
to hear her voice anymore.

Take 'em all downstairs.
I'll decide what to do with them later.

I need you to get somebody
from our computer team

- on the phone right now!
- Yes, sir.

I think I have a plan.

Computer emergency?

What's wrong with it?

An outside computer
is accessing your system.

You're under attack.

Don't worry. I cut into the attack,
and your accounts are still here.

- Is it fixed?
- Yeppers.

Get rid of him.

Wait, what's happening?
I'm just the IT guy.

You saw some things you
weren't supposed to see.

And I don't like your face.
Kill him.

- Then the others.
- I'd think twice about that, Bale!

I pull these wires,
your firewall goes down,

and the CIA is inside of you
in seconds.

Your computer.
Inside of your computer in seconds.

Who are you?

Carmichael.

Charles Carmichael.

I have your brother Michael.

I know, and you're gonna
let him and the others go.

I so much as sneeze, and,

you lose all your money.

That was about ten million bucks
right there, Rog.

Let 'em go.

What the hell is going on?

You're free to go.

Chuck, can you hear me?
Where are you?

- Sarah, you outside?
- Yeah.

They let us go.
Are you still inside?

- Don't worry about me. Just go.
- No, I'm not going anywhere.

Sarah, you, Casey and Morgan,
get in the van and leave right now.

- Did I do great?
- Shut up, moron.

Chuck, I am not leaving my husband
on a mission.

Sarah, I'm sorry.

I wanted to buy you the house.

To give you the future
that you've always dreamed of.

But more than that,
I want you to live.

Don't make me die in vain.
Leave me behind.

Get in the van.
Leave, leave me behind!

We can't just leave him behind
like that.

Please, leave!

Guys, please don't leave me behind!
I have a plan.

Your friends are safe,
but you're stuck here.

- What were you thinking?
- Actually, I was thinking fast.

There's a button on the control panel.
Hit that button.

I just hope they got my message.

Morgan, disconnect us
from the building's electrical line.

Casey, get the van moving.

Sarah, there's a rather large window
on the east side of the building.

It's the only way out...
so I'm going to be jumping through it.

Casey, east side of the building...
Go!

And Sarah, no matter what happens,

I love you.

Also, if at all possible,
if you could check

to make sure I'm still alive
on the roof of the van,

that would be great.

- Good work, Chuck!
- Thanks, honey.

Hey, dude, that was awesome!

Listen, guys, team,
let's not get down, okay?

Yes, that was not a classically
successful mission,

but, you know,
we all made it out alive,

so, that's a plus.

And the news says
that Bale was arrested,

so, I think we should put that
in the win category.

Win with an asterisk maybe.

It's not that, Chuck.

Okay, what is it then?

Decker froze Bale's accounts,

which included the money
we transferred in.

Castle and the Buy More
are the only things that aren't frozen.

Decker froze all of our money

because he tracked
our deposit back to us.

Wait.

What?
All of our... all of our money?

- We have nothing?
- Payback's a bitch.

Okay, think about it. We still have
the Buy More, and we still have me.

And, Sarah and Casey, you.

This is still a team.
We can still do this.

I need a little air.

Listen, it's okay.
We'll bounce back. We always do.

I got to...

Look. I'll be back.

Chuck, you found it.

What's the matter?

I can't afford it.

If I bought it yesterday,
we'd own it, but now...

I'm so sorry, Sarah.

Well, so what?
We knew this wasn't gonna be easy,

and we didn't get married
because we thought life was easy.

We got married
so that we could be there for each other

when things got tough.

So we could work
through things together, rich or poor.

But how are we going to do this?
We got to start over.

It's okay. We'll get
new clients and new missions.

And we haven't lost everything.
We still have Castle and the store.

The Buy More.

The Buy More.

The Buy More.

We use the store
to support the spy team.

We take Buy Mores' profits,
put them into Carmichael Industries

until both companies can make money.

But in order for that to work,
the store actually has to turn a profit.

We can do that.
We can do that.

What about me, though?

You and Casey are super spies.
Morgan's the Intersect.

Who am I? What's my job?

You're our leader.

That's the plan.

As you can see,

our superiors' interference
in Chuck Bartowski's life

has only just begun.

Now you understand
how important he is.

And why he must fail.

You all have your orders.

This is the plan.

It's final chapter.

Nothing can stop it.