Chuck (2007–2012): Season 4, Episode 22 - Chuck Versus Agent X - full transcript

Here are a few things
you need to know.

I need to talk to you
about Dad's computer.

Yeah. I thought that I uncovered
some secret files.

Turned out to be cheats
on some video game he was developing.

My sister just lied to me.
She's never lied to me.

There was one man
my father was afraid of.

He went by the name Agent X.
I'm gonna track him down and kill him.

Then no one can touch me. Ever.

Freeze!

Take it easy, tiger. I'm here to help.

DS&T picked up some chatter
of a possible break-in attempt.



Not likely.

- It's always a ghost town down here.
- Oh.

Damn it. Sorry.
I haven't had my morning coffee yet.

Let me, um...

help.

Who says chivalry is dead?

Good work.
I knew there was a reason I brought you.

Outside of the obvious, of course.

- Hmm.
- That's the computer...

with the Agent X files?

No, it's a tracker.

Somebody must be using
the computer.

But it looks as if the CIA
is keeping tabs.

Locate this signal and we'll have
exactly what Miss Volkoff wants.



This was too easy. Have to imagine
the CIA's being way more careful...

with the actual computer.

Oh, shoot. Ellie, come on.

Babe, doing last-minute prep
for Chuck's bachelor party.

- Give me a little sunscreen pre-coat?
- Sure.

Make sure you lube up the lats.
It's gonna be sunny in Vegas.

What's with the old house?

I figured out a cyclomatic complexity...

that ran through the conditionals
in my dad's research. End of the loop.

- Awesome.
- All paths seem to end at that photo.

Why would my dad want me
to have this picture of an old house?

Aren't you supposed to be getting ready
for Sarah's party?

Clara's already at your parents' house,
I am all packed for our girls' day trip.

I'll turn it off
as soon as the festivities begin.

- Okay?
- Fair enough.

Gonna finish packing for the dude trip.
Vegas, baby. Vegas.

I got a fat stack burning a hole
in my crotch.

- I don't think that's...
- It's burning.

No idea.
I put Awesome in charge of everything.

Apparently, he's the Vegas expert.

- Nice.
- Yeah.

- You, Casey? Any casino preferences?
- No. Forget the casinos.

The gun ranges.
Brought some of my fancy targets.

I got some bad news.
See you guys on Monday.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey.
Hang on, Big Michael.

- You're not coming?
- Bologna Grimes says I couldn't go.

Knows I tapped Vegas dry back when
I was with Earth, Wind, Fire and Rain.

Want me to call this Baloney lady,
give her the what for?

No. Once Bologna's made a decision
there's no going back on it.

You guys enjoy.

No.

No, no, no.
Hold on a second, hold on a second.

You are my future stepfather.
This will not stand.

Now, come on. We're men.

Men who take what's theirs.

You have to march into that house,
slam your fist on the counter...

look at my mother in the eye and say,
"Bologna, I am so sorry, woman...

but I have to work all weekend."
This way, when she asks me...

I'll say, "Yeah, we got all this inventory.

- We have to work." Boom. Ha.
- Boom.

That's the greatest thing
a white person's ever done for me.

Oh.

Let's go to Vegas.

Vegas, Vegas.
What does a bachelor wear in Vegas?

I can't believe you've never been to Vegas.
A bachelor does not wear that.

You're not digging the business-up-top,
party-below-the-waist thing?

It covered all the Vegas activities
with one fell swoop.

Speaking of looks, you're sure doing
an awful lot of maintenance over there.

Reminding you of what you'll be
missing out on in Vegas.

Oh, trust me, I'll remember.

- Where's Ellie taking you guys anyway?
- I'm not sure.

Every time I do recon,
she's on your dad's computer.

She spends a lot of time
on that thing.

Yeah, Ellie's always been into puzzles.
Logic puzzles, Sudoku, crosswords.

One of my earliest memories was when
she solved the 12-sided Rubik's cube...

before I even got mine
out of the box.

Have you spoken to Devon yet?

Told him that you know
Ellie is still using the computer?

No.

Not yet.

I'm planning on having
a good man-to-man talk...

as soon as we get to Vegas.

It's the perfect place to have
a sincere, honest, heartfelt conversation.

You really have never been to Vegas,
have you?

Awesome!

- Let's go, let's go, let's go.
- Uh... Just a minute, Chuck. Coming.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- What's up?
- I was just... I was reading a book.

You don't have to lie to me.

You're planning Sarah's bachelorette party.
We've all got secrets.

- Don't we, Awesome?
- You don't know the half of it, bro.

Let me tell you something.

This weekend...

I'm gonna make a man out of you.

- Goody. I can't wait for that.
- Oh-ho.

Okay, well, you guys have fun, be safe.
And I'm just... I'm gonna do stuff.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Bye, bye, bye.

We finally have a lock
on the Orion computer signal.

Echo Park, Los Angeles.

Perfect. Let's move.

Chuck 4x22 - Versus Agent X

All right, boys.
I want you to get ready.

Even if you've been before,
you've never been with me.

Thank you so much
for planning this trip.

Dude, you kidding? I live for this.

We need to think of this weekend
like a war.

- Now you're talking my language.
- When we get there...

we immediately take over the Strip.
- High-rolling on the Strip.

What the...? Ow, ow.

- What are you doing?
- Making it rain.

Canadian style,
which is, technically, making it snow.

Dollar, dollar coins, y'all. Boom!

- Save the socialist funny money.
- And save your energy.

Vegas is the land of excess.

For those of you who like to chase tail,
plenty of that too.

Rest up, boys.

Because we might not sleep again
for a long time.

- All right!
- Yeah!

Hey!

Here is to a delightful
bachelorette weekend.

Cheers.

So are you gonna let me in
on the big secret?

What have you got planned
for tomorrow?

Okay. We are going to a spa
in Santa Barbara.

And we're not just doing massages,
we're doing body scrubs too.

Wow, that sounds very relaxing.

Get ready
for some hard-core aromatherapy.

Ahh.

All right, boys.

- Let's tear this town a new one.
- Yeah!

- All right.
- Whoo.

- All right.
- Welcome to Las Vecas, boys. Ha-ha-ha.

Devon, what's going on?
This is not Las Vegas.

Las Vecas, buddy. Look.

So this whole time,
you've been saying Las Vecas?

Of course.
What else would I be saying?

- Las Vegas?
- Hold on. I heard you say "city of sin."

It is the city of Cinnamon Falls.
After the famous waterfall.

- Locals call it city of Cinn.
- The Strip?

The old mining strip
next to the campsite.

- We were gonna chase tail.
- Huge yellow-bellied marmot population.

- They love being chased.
- Long as I can set up a gun range.

Yeah. Nature's gun range.
The great outdoors.

Hey. You okay, buddy?

I know that you were looking forward
to partying in Vegas.

I knew we were going to Vecas.

This place is amazing.

They grow magic fungus up in them
there hills.

I'm gonna find some.

- Maybe chase a little tail.
- That's the spirit.

Yeah. Let's get unpacked.

Well, I better go unpack
and rest up for the big day.

Rest up?
This is your bachelorette party.

We have to get you tired
before you can rest.

- Tired?
- Come on.

Surprise!

You didn't think I was just gonna
take you to some lame spa?

I tried to call the girls from
C.A.T. Squad, but they're in Libya.

I invited the Wienerlicious girls
and some friends.

Thank you. This is a very nice surprise.

It's not gonna be as crazy as Vegas,
but we'll have a few drinks...

see where the night takes us. Okay.
- Okay.

All right, boys.

Get ready for the bachelor party hike.

I figure we can forage for our supper
out there.

I do not forage.

Okay, look, guys,
I know this isn't exactly Las Vegas...

but Awesome worked hard
putting this together.

Admire the man
for sticking to strategy.

- Sure.
- And a hike sounds pretty invigorating.

- I've never hiked in a tie.
- I know, right? Yeah.

Get the blood pumping.
It could be just as fun as Vegas.

Because this weekend is...
It's about bonding after all, isn't it?

No. No, it isn't.

Not at all.
It's about steaks and gambling...

getting into weird stuff that might
haunt you the rest of your life.

Amen. Michael, may I have a word
with you over by that crappy tree?

Listen. I have a plan.

Don't bother telling me. I'm in.

All right.

You were the best Wiener girl.

Chuck, the secure CIA location has been
compromised and we need to bring in...

the Orion computer immediately.
Call me, tell me where your sister keeps it.

Okay, game time.

Let's give our bride-to-be
a toilet paper dress.

Listen, can we please talk? I want...

Ellie, wait. We need to talk.
Okay, no. Ellie, this...

This can't wait. My...

My employer knows
about your father's computer...

and I have to take it
to a secure location right now.

Why? What happened?

The signal is coming
from a mile up the road.

Nothing to be alarmed about.
The CIA had a breach of security...

and your dad's computer
could be involved.

I should've known something like this
would happen. Sorry.

I was accessing a lot of weird stuff.

Something about an Agent X
and an Intersect program. I hid it in here.

This isn't my bag. This is Devon's.
He must have taken it by mistake.

It's okay. Nothing to worry about.
Nobody is in any danger.

Okay.

Sarah Walker?

Lock and load.

- Ellie, what do I do?
- Oh, go, go, go. Ha-ha-ha.

Ellie...

Oh, okay. Yeah.

You mind if I make a phone call?

- Ooh.
- Yeah!

Uh... Okay. Um...

I'm sorry. I don't mean to look at...

I'm sorry. Okay. Um...

Ahem. General, I need you to put me in
touch with our agents in Las Vegas.

Ooh. Is that a gun? No.

This way.

Whew.

That's a...

- That's a pretty fantastic hike. Thanks.
- Yeah. I'm glad those other dudes...

found some stuff to do.
Vecas has got a lot for everyone.

Right in the ribs. Heh. Uh...

Listen, since it's just the two of us...

you mind if we talk man-to-man?
- Sure.

I know that you didn't take
the hard drive out of my dad's computer.

Sorry, Chuck. It just made Ellie so happy.
I couldn't do it to her.

I get it. I get that.
And I'm happy that she's happy.

I'm happy that she's continuing
my father's work.

It's just that these secrets, they're...

I feel like they're tearing my family apart.

Down, down.

Kill that light.

Ah.

Devon, why would you bring that
to my bachelor party?

Oh, no.
I must've grabbed Ellie's bag.

This is the device Miss Volkoff wants.

It has all the Agent X files.

Vivian Volkoff?

We can't let her access
the information on that computer.

Sweep the woods.

Leave no witnesses.

Hey.

You guys here for the bachelor party?

Whoa.

Awesome brought entertainment.

Do you like this?

Because I got three more
where that came from.

- They must've tracked the laptop.
- Who's this Vivian Volkoff?

- It's a long story.
- Pretty easy. It's Chuck's nemesis.

He put her old man behind bars,
she sent an assassin to blow up Castle.

What about Agent X?

I think I might be Agent X.

I am so sorry that I let Ellie touch
your dad's computer.

I'm so sorry I let this guy plan
your bachelor party.

This is so awful.

Oh, yeah. Ha-ha-ha.

Let's get this party started. Ha-ha-ha.

My sentiments exactly.

- The CIA cracked the encryption.
- I'll upload the files to Miss Volkoff.

Yeah. But first,
find out how much he knows.

And if he doesn't talk,
see that he never talks again.

- Welcome back.
- You know why I'm here, don't you?

Is it because I've been a bad boy?

Ha. What's in the shooter?

Sodium pentathol.

- Truth serum.
- Freaky.

I don't think that'll mix
with what I'm on.

They're torturing him. Lester and Big Mike
can wander in any second.

- We gotta do something.
- Yeah. Casey, what's the...?

- Who was that?
- Mercenaries.

Ex-Green Berets,
judging by their tactics.

I count three. Including the leader.

- Did you see that clean break?
- I can save him.

No, he's dead. And so are we
unless you three tighten up.

What's this?

You and Morgan are gonna find
good strong sticks and start sharpening.

Yes, sir. Perfect. Sharpening what?

Toothpicks.

Spears, idiot. I'll draw the rest of the team
out into the woods.

I'm sorry. You want us to fight
former Green Berets with spears?

Not you. You're gonna go down
to the camp and spring Jeff.

Happy hunting, boys.

Happy hunting?

Looking, looking, looking. I'm showing the
nearest casino is in Las Vegas, Nevada.

Did you say "Las Vecas"?

- I did not.
- What...? No. We have to stay local.

There's gotta be a nightclub, a bar,
a liquor store...

Vegas. Vegas, Vegas, Vegas.

- Are you saying "Vecas"?
- Don't play with me, boy.

We are getting the hell out of here.
This is not what I signed up for.

Wait. No. We can't just leave them.

- They may die out there.
- Take the drama down a notch.

I only care about Jeff.

- Ooh.
- What? What is it?

- A splinter, I think.
- Let me take a look.

There are men trying to kill us.
I can handle a little splinter...

Ooh. It hurts.

Morgan, you ever kill a man?

Let me tell you something.
First one? First one's the hardest.

- There's no doubt about it.
- Wow. Really?

They don't even give me a gun
on missions, you kidding me?

I'm a doctor.
I took an oath to preserve lives.

What about your own?
You heard Casey. It's them or it's us.

What if we met these guys
at a bar? We could be frat brothers.

Frat brothers. These are mercenaries, dude.
Drinks? Beers?

- Hear something?
- You're having first-mission jitters.

- Not my first mish.
- It's your first.

How are those spears coming?

You are lucky we didn't kill you with these.
They're sharp.

I feel so bad
for those mercenaries right now:

You ought to. They're dead.

Dead? Well, what are these for?

Kept you out of my way.

Men, what's your status?

Poor baby.
Looks like you're fresh out of friends.

In that case, I'm just gonna have to
come out there and kill you myself.

- The captive's unconscious.
- Kill him.

Ha-ha. You've had knife training.
Let me give you one final lesson.

It's over.

It's over.

Sorry to interrupt your little lap dance.

If anyone is still alive...

meet me at the extraction point.

- What's going on?
- Jeff's having a bad trip.

- Gotta get out of Vecas.
- Good thing you came to your senses.

- Come on.
- Best bachelor party ever. Vecas, baby.

Yeah.

Hey, where have you been?
Beckman sent a team to Vegas.

- They've been looking for you.
- Yeah. Wrong Vegas.

So where's Orion's laptop?
Beckman thought...

Vivian Volkoff sent a team for it.
Tried to kill us.

I've gotta tell Ellie.
If I didn't grab the wrong bag...

you girls would've been ambushed.
- Ellie deserves to know.

I'll tell her. I feel responsible
that the CIA used her to find Agent X.

No, I'll tell her.

But then you'll have to tell her the truth
about you.

I know.

What are you doing home?

Uh... I had to cut the bachelor party short.

There's something
that's been on my mind.

What is it?

We've always been able
to tell each other anything, right?

Lately, I felt like...

- Like there's something in the way.
- Yes.

Our family is so full of secrets.

Too many secrets.
I mean, our parents alone...

And I don't think there should be
any secrets between the two of us.

I've been working on something.
I didn't tell you...

I know about Dad's laptop
and his research. Mom told me.

So why are we here?

You're still a spy.

I had a whole speech
and you just figured that out.

You can't figure that out by yourself.

I think I just did.

You just Rubik's cubed me, sis.

Of course you still work for the CIA.
Sarah is a spy.

You're clearly built for better things
than the Buy More.

- You're not mad?
- I'm not mad that you did it.

I'm mad you didn't tell me.
I get it. The same reason...

I kept Dad's computer a secret
from you.

Us Bartowskis, when we're good
at something, we just jump right in.

No more secrets, though.

One more little secret.

Wow, look at this place.

What are you guarding here
that's so important?

Uh... Well...

me.

You know that Intersect project
that Dad was working on?

Yeah. I've been trying to figure it out
for weeks.

It's in my head.

What? No.

Morgan, katana sword, please.

Oh, yes. Yes.

- Katana?
- Yeah.

- Full speed or half speed?
- Full speed.

Okay. Okay.

Banzai!

Hai!

Sleeveless. It's a bit '80s,
but I like this look.

Pretty cool, right?

Our dad was amazing.

He did it.

He actually figured out a way
to program the human brain using...

What happened?

I was gonna use this to find Agent X.

You found him. You're looking
at the first human Intersect. It's me.

No. Not unless he gave it to you
before you were born.

November 21st, 1980.

There was an Intersect before Chuck?

From what I can piece together...

Dad used this program to input
a new identity into an operative.

So Agent X could go undercover.

But once undercover, something
went wrong. The program took over.

He became his cover identity.

Dad must've felt responsible for it...

that's why he spent his whole life
looking for him.

Not that that's gonna happen now.

Ellie, I haven't spent 10 years
in the Nerd Herd for nothing.

Morgan, get my tools.

Yes, sir, of course.

What tools?

- For fixing computers.
- Tools for fixing computers, coming up.

Well, I might as well get started
on this inventory.

Somehow my cover story
became the truth.

Hold on a second.

Let me ask you two a question.

Who am I?

- You're Big Mike.
- No.

I'm Rain...

of Earth, Wind, Fire and Rain.

And Rain does not waste
a free party pass.

Neither does Thunder.

- Is that name taken?
- Okay, wait, wait.

- Are we gonna go to the real Vegas?
- No.

- Well, then...
- Me and the boys...

had a standing engagement in a city
that makes Vegas look like the Vatican.

What is this mythical place?

Go get my Corolla.

We're going to The Big Dirty.

Reno.

Got it.

Here are the files. Dad must've collected
everything there was on Agent X.

For what it's worth.

His whole file's been redacted.

- Except for a name. Hartley.
- He did leave something else.

I have no idea what it means
or if it's some sort of clue.

- Ah. I know where that is.
- What? How?

The Intersect. Incredible.

- Yeah.
- Heh.

Ellie, look at that date.

A week before Agent X went missing.

Maybe took the photo as keepsake
before his final mission?

This place must be special for him.
Maybe home.

Or some kind of safe house.

Agent X has been hiding out there
for 30 years?

What's going on?

Well, Ellie, we're not the only ones
trying to find Agent X.

The people who put that hole
in Dad's laptop, they're after him too.

I'm coming with you.

- What, are you crazy?
- Baby Clara.

- What about you?
- Don't worry about it. It's what I do.

- Hasn't changed in 30 years.
- Looks like somebody's still living there.

If this guy has been hiding
all these years...

he might not take too well
to being found.

Oh, hello. May I help you?

Heh. Uh...

So sorry to disturb you, ma'am,
but our car has just broken down.

And I was looking in the boot...

The bonnet.

Long story short we're stranded.

Could we please use your phone?

Oh, of course. Come in. I'll make
some tea while you wait for the lorry.

- Thank you.
- That way.

Cheers, lovely. Heh.

- What's taking her so long?
- Will you relax, Casey?

You don't think
she's Agent X, do you?

I don't know who she is.

That old bird could be poisoning our tea
as we speak.

Here we are.

Nice cup of tea.

Now, get it while it's hot.

And this one is for you.

Thank you.

Delicious, thank you.

So where are you all from?

Not far from here, actually.

I was just showing my fianc?
the countryside before the wedding.

- He's American, of course.
- Mm.

And this handsome young man?

He is a hitchhiker we picked up
on the edge of town.

Yeah. He had such a nice face,
we figured, what the hell?

I was just telling my fianc?
my father had a friend...

who lived here, actually.
- In this house?

Oh, how interesting.

Yes, I believe his name was Hartley.
Any relation to you?

Oh, no. I'm just an old spinster.

But I do know the man
you're referring to.

He was the previous tenant.

Bit of a recluse,
judging by the way he left the place.

Oh, do you know what happened
to him?

No, I'm afraid not.

Well, thank you for the tea.

Maybe we should go
and wait for the tow truck.

But he did leave behind
a box of personal effects.

Oh, I'd forgotten all about it.
I mean, it has been 30 years.

- Oh, well, I'd hate to bother you.
- No, you're welcome to it.

Well, if your fianc? would kindly
give me a hand.

I believe it's a bit heavy.

I would love to.

Oh, wait here while I grab a torch.

Oh, delightful.

Tell me who you are
and what you want with my son.

Before you make me go ruin
my wallpaper.

Ma'am, I'm here to help your son.
I'm here to help Hartley. I'm with the CIA.

So you're saying you work
for the people who took my son?

Give me your sidearm.

I actually don't carry a gun.

Hartley should never have been
sent undercover.

He was a scientist.

When the CIA couldn't bring him in,
they disavowed him.

No one lifted a finger.

They did, they did. My father, he spent
his entire career trying to find Hartley.

You're Stephen Bartowski's boy?

You knew my dad?

Of course.

He and Hartley were quite close.

Are you gonna fix my son?

This is the place.

Looks like someone beat us to it.
Move out.

Not bad.

Great. We're outgunned and outmanned.

What are you waiting for, laddie?
Lay down some fire.

- Who are these people?
- Mercenaries. Must've followed us.

They're not after you. They're after
the same thing you came for.

Hartley's spy will.

Oh, here.

There's a vault in the cellar.
You'll find the spy will there.

Go.

Oh, put down that damn peashooter.

I've got a real gun in this chest.

There. I was prepared
for something like this.

You know how to feed
one of these things?

Please. You're feeding me.

Where would you put a spy will? Uh...

There go my primroses.

Eat lead, you bastards.

- There it is.
- Here we go.

Let's go.

Eh. We're out. Now what?

We'll have to scuttle the house.

Go, go, go.

Like the mother I never had.

Oh, and charming to boot.

Come on. Let's go find your team,
so we can get out the back door.

- What's she doing?
- You don't wanna know.

Ready?

Oh, no.

- Ha-ha.
- You remind me of my son.

He didn't care much for guns either.

Whatever it was in this box,
I hope it's what you're looking for. Ha-ha.

I love this woman.

Only a few more hours
till we hit Reno.

Reno? More like Reen-yes.

Won't know what hit them
when we pull up in my luxurious...

yet practical automobile.
- Yes, it is practical.

Oh, man, this is my jam.

- This yours?
- Whoo!

Reno, here we come.

Who's that lady
Coming down the road

Who's that lady
I'll be your non-stop lover

Get it while you can
Your non-stop miracle

I'm your man

Get outta my dreams

- Get into my car
- Get into my car

Get outta my dreams
Get in the back seat, baby

- Get into my car
- Beep, beep, yeah

Get outta my mind

- We're here.
- Really? Whoo! Whoo!

- Yeah.
- Whoo! Whoo!

- Jeffrey, this isn't Reno.
- Um, yeah, it is.

- Good Lord.
- Ugh.

I can't believe this is happening.

- You're welcome.
- Aah!

No, no, no. I blame you, Michael.

Wait.

Stop killing. Stop the killing.

What's that over yonder?

Boys, we're here.

Let's make it snow.

Remember, boys, joker's worth 13.

Are we waiting for a code from the CIA
to open it or something?

I was waiting to open it with you.

So the identity of Agent X
is inside that box.

Our dad's obsession.

The whole reason our family fell apart.

What?

Volkoff?

Agent X is Alexei Volkoff?

I know this man. Mom brought him
to the house for Thanksgiving. He's a spy.

No. Not exactly.

He's locked up now, but Alexei Volkoff
is a powerful, evil arms dealer.

But he wasn't. That's the thing.
Volkoff was a cover identity.

In reality, he was a scientist
who didn't like using guns.

So Dad's original Intersect...

created one of the world's
most dangerous criminals for the CIA?

We should talk to Mom.

Maybe she was trying to fix him
in her own way.

We need to call Beckman...

see what our next step is.
- No. We tell no one.

Interrogation room. Now.

It ends here. We're all gonna pretend
we never saw this.

My dad wanted Chuck and me
to figure this out.

- There must be a reason.
- The CIA created...

one of the most murderous men
in the world.

Powerful people spent an enormous
amount of energy covering that up.

If they find out we know...

they order a guy like me to put a bullet
in each one of our heads.

Pretty sure your dad didn't want this
to end that way.

So we're to just sweep this thing
under the rug?

Ellie, we're talking about the CIA.

- There are rules.
- What about Dad?

What? What if his plan
was just to get us to search together?

We haven't exactly been the most
honest siblings the past couple of years.

No, we haven't.

But this search,
it made us rely on each other.

Be honest, work together.

What if that was only half of it?

I don't think
that we're supposed to stop here.

I don't think we're supposed
to find Agent X.

We're supposed to fix him.

This isn't for the CIA to solve, Chuck.

I think this is for us.