Chuck (2007–2012): Season 3, Episode 15 - Chuck Versus the Role Models - full transcript

This is my boss,
Charles Bartowski.

A computer repairman
with all the

government's secrets
in his head.

This is his girl, Sarah Walker.

A CIA agent with more
than just killer looks.

And when these
two spies first met,

it was love at first fight.

That's where I come in.

I'm Morgan.
It's my job

to keep an eye
on the both of them,

which isn't always easy.



Oh, hey, dude.

I had the most
incredible dream, man.

I was, uh...
Hey.

Uh, do you want some?

Hello? Morgan?

Hi.

Do you want some orange juice?

Orange juice?
Orange juice.

Absolutely.
Man, that sounds good.

Vitamin Ds are

very important-
Vitamin Cs.

Vitamin C, singular.

Great.
Sorry.

The jug's so big.



Jug- I'm sorry, I...

I hate you, Chuck.
I hate you.

Good morning, buddy.

Okay, I get it.

You're having tons
and tons of sex.

Congratulations, Warren Beatty.

Who said anything about...

Your big, goofy grin
said it, okay?

And, you know, it's kind of
an insult for those of us

living in the apartment
who aren't having sex.

Which is me.

Sorry. Sorry about that.

I'm just really happy.

Well, duh. You're dating

a leggy Valkyrie who has
an aversion to clothing.

Says the guy who likes to sleep

in the nude.

Au buffo.

Oh, well, I'll have you
know that I've actually

made the very painful concession
of wearing pajamas.

I mean, you never know

when she's going to be
stopping by now and...

Well, I think you can pretty
much count on Sarah being here

every night,
because I'm about to ask her

if she wants to move in.

Okay. Well, you two
probably have a lot

to talk about.

Hi.

I was going to surprise you.

Take you out to a nice dinner

and give you your own key.

But...

How would you like to move in?

Why would we do that?

Why? Well,

because I figured since
you're sleeping here

most nights anyway...

We're not a normal couple,

so why do we need to pretend
like we have a normal life?

Who's pretending?

Okay, I, I didn't mean it
like that.

I love working with you
and I love being with you, so...

Why mess with
a good thing, right?

We can talk more after work.

Right, yeah.

Yeah, we'll talk
more after work,

'cause I know how good

a thing this is.

What are you doing?

Well, I left my gun
in my hotel room.

No, what are you doing,
storing your guns in my couch?

Morgan
Morgan could find those. What, you've not heard

of the 30-foot rule?

As a matter of fact,
no, I have not.

A good agent should never be
without a backup weapon.

Well, have you ever
heard of the Bartowski rule?

No firearms in my apartment.

Well, not if you want
to live with a spy.

Hey, Chuck. Got your message.

Everything is fine.

Sorry we can't talk.
We're moving to a new clinic.

We're here, babe.

Hang up.
Love you. Bye.

Excuse me,
Doctors Without Borders.

Any idea where
the field clinic is?

Nothing?

Babe, I think
this is the clinic.

Honey, I have seen
more patients

in two weeks than
I've seen in my first

few years as a doctor.

You have any idea

who the men with the guns are?

The UN wear blue berets

and the FDLR wear black berets.

Great, but Devon, these guys
aren't wearing any berets.

Hey. Hey.

Whoever they are,
they're in charge.

Honey, what have we gotten ourselves
into? Remember what they said

about this being the toughest
job you'll ever love?

We're making a difference.

I know, I know.
That's not what's getting to me.

What's getting to me
is the not showering

and the not sleeping
and the not knowing

who the men with the guns are.

Hmm?

Well, how about a date night?

I'll cook dinner
for you tonight.

Just you and me under the stars.

Okay.

I'm sure it'll
clear up any minute.

Mm, mwa.

You're my boy.

Over here!
Follow me.

You're in charge.

What do you mean

"we're not in charge"?

Are you demoting us, General?
No.

You will be acting
in an observational capacity

on this mission.

The primary agents

are named
Craig and Laura Turner.

Never heard of them.

AKA George and Bitsy
Witherspoon?

The CIA team who stopped

the Air France
hijacking in '86?

AKA John and Suzie Smythe?

The ones who broke up
the Uranium smuggling ring

back in '91.

I could go on and on

listing the Turner's aliases
and accomplishments.

So, they've been
around the CIA block.

Well, that's good for them

They have also been married
for the last 30 years-

more or less.

And this is
relevant to us, how?

As long as you
and Agent Bartowski insist

on keeping a personal
relationship,

I insist you learn
how to go about it properly.

Your mission is to watch
and learn from the best

couple the CIA
has ever produced.

Hmm.

And you, Colonel Casey...

I'll head on down to Pendleton,

recertify my weapons training.

It's not your training
that concerns me.

I'm talking about Morgan Grimes.

It was your idea to make him
a part of the team.

It's your job to make him
field-ready.

You can't be serious, General.

He's a diamond in the rough-

very, very rough,
but I'm sure you'll make him

sparkle.

Diamond.

Diamond in the rough...

Would you please sit down?

You're making me nervous.

The Turners are going
to be here any minute.

What, you've never met

a CIA agent before?
You, what- come on.

You heard Beckman- these guys

are the best of the best.
They're a super spy couple.

I don't want them thinking
we're a couple of rubes.

What a dump!

Can you imagine being
stationed here?

Remember when the CIA
held rooms for us

at the Grand Ambassador?

Ah, the salad days!

What'd you say
their names were again?

I believe their names are
Bertruski or Bertrowski.

Something ethnic.

Two young agency hotshots.

And they're here.
And they're here!

Dear God, it's us 30 years ago.

Look, Sarah,
that's us in 30 years.

So there you have it:
Operation Mongoose.

Made it out of Berlin
with half the KGB

on my tail. If it hadn't
been for that woman

in the fur coat
with the AK-47...

Enough with the Cold War
stories,

darling...

You're boring our hosts.

No-no, no.

This is, this is,
this is fascinating, uh,

to me at-at least.

A toast, Charles,
to old spy stories.

Oh, Mrs. Turner,
can I get you a drink?

No, thank you.
I'm fine

with my water.

The wife does not partake,
so I guess I'll just have

to toast for both of us.

A serviceable Manhattan,
Charles.

Is there something wrong
with your cherry?

Actually, a true
Manhattan is made

with a rare and delicate
marasca cherry...

The only place
you can find those,

here in LA would be...

The Grand Ambassador.
The Grand Ambassador.

Don't be a booze snob,

darling.
Getting back to your

story, though,
the woman in the fur coat,

I'm assuming, was you,
Mrs. Turner?

Mm. That's how
the two of you met?

How we got divorced.

The hussy in the fur was

a Russian double agent.

I thought the two of
you were married.

Remarried- three times.

Some women are too special

to marry just once.

My, look at the time.

Goodness, we'd
better get going.

Oh, so soon?

This has been just great.

Sarah and I cannot wait
to work with the two of you.

Oh, you won't have to.

The mission is
tonight, Charles.

The target is Otto Von Vogel.

Otto has created

a decryption program

that could render
CIA security useless.

Tonight's party is
a smoke screen for him

to meet potential buyers.
Our job is to access

Otto's master suite,
where he stores the software.

Okay, great. What do
you want us to do?

Your job:

Watch and learn.

I can't wait to watch
these two in action.

It is going to be great.

What?

So what are Chuck
and Sarah up to tonight?

Some sort of sexy
spy dinner party?

Shh!
Oh, right. Sorry, sorry.

I don't know.
You ask me, this whole

man gig's starting to become a real snore, you know?

When am I going to put the hurt on
some terrorist? You know, get in there?

Whatever it is
you think you know

about being a spy,
you're wrong, hmm?

Oh, oh...
Okay.

You're a child.

You're a liability to the team.

You're not doing anything until
you've been properly trained.

Understood?

Wait a minute-
does that mean...?

I can't believe
I'm going to say this.

I'm going to Langley!

You're not going
anywhere, jackass.

I can teach you everything
you need to know

right here in the store.
Come on.

Oh, yeah. Start with the neck
thing. That was awesome!

So, that's Otto, I take it.

Avoid him and his guards.

If anyone asks
who you are, tell them

you're our nephew, Bernard.

Actually, tell them
she's our niece.

No offense, Charles.

No, none taken.

Shall we work the room first?

After you, my love.

Here we go.

How's the tennis elbow, Monty?

Can I give you
a word of advice?

Eat and rest.

You see, consummate
professionals.

I mean, what do you think makes
them such a great spy team?

Um, a lifetime of training.

Very funny. I'm talking
about them being a couple.

I honestly can't
believe the CIA

doesn't hire more of us.

They're not that great.
Oh, don't be jealous.

I'm not jealous. I'm just saying
they're not that great.

Sarah, we, uh, we may
have a slight problem.

There you are Otto, old boy!

We heard you were in town

and assumed you were
having a party.

I don't recall putting
you two on the guest list.

I'm just kidding.

Look at your faces!

Oh, Otto, you are terrible.

As they say in my country,

"mein Haus ist ihr Haus."

Textbook subversion.
Not bad.

You know, we could take a page

out of the Turners' playbook.

You're not going to ask me to
move in with you again, are you?

No, why... Well,
not now. Maybe later.

At ease.

All right, there
are three qualities

that make for
an effective field agent:

Subversion, Me.

Stealth...
Me.

Strength...

First things first.

See that customer over there?

Oh, my goodness-
super-hottie?

Yeah, I clocked her
when she first came in.

I want you to get
her phone number.

Yeah, right.

No, seriously,
what's the first step?

A spy must be able

to manipulate any target
at any time.

In the field, it can make
the difference

between life and death.

Copy that. Yes, sir.

Ooh, what about her, though?

Silver-tops
really eat me up.

You have your target. Engage.

* *

Get on with it.

Hmm.

Target has been neutralized.

I thought Bartowski
was hopeless.

* *

Well, I'm not sure
where the Turners went.

Maybe they already
made their move.

I thought she said
she didn't drink?

Yeah.

Hit me.

Hi. Hi,
Mrs. Turner, uh...

Sarah and I were just
wondering if the mission

is still going
according to plan.

Is, um, something wrong?

Her.

It's disgusting.

Man's old enough
to be her father!

Perhaps he's just giving
her some fatherly advice?

Bastard left his Mic on.

CRAIG
You are a very, naughty girl.

It's too bad my wife is here.

Perhaps we can hook up
later at my hotel?

The man's nothing but
a CIA-sanctioned gigolo.

Oh... you don't
mean that.

Oh, wait, uh,

where, where are you going?

Upstairs to steal the software.

At least one of us

is still a professional.

I'll handle this.

Here, let me...
Get...

Get your hands off me!
Please, you're fighting me.

Don't touch me!
You're making a scene.

Don't touch me!

Dear Lord, my back.

Oh, this is not good.

It's an old service injury.

Oh, you threw your back out
with a Havana hooker.

It was all in the line of
duty, my dear. Oh, right, yeah.

Give us a moment.
Don't even start with me.

It will fix itself-
the back, not her.

We should get out of here

before they blow
all of our covers.

Don't touch me!

What about the software?

Let's show the Turners
how it's done, hmm?

Is there a nurse here?

Someone in a short skirt?

Master suite.
Master suite...

Master suite.
Yeah.

Otto's safe
has to be around here

somewhere.

Gesundheit.
Thank you.

There's got to be
a cat around here.

My allergies are going crazy.

Whoa. Hey! Look at this!

Our buddy, Otto, into some

kinky stuff,
even by German standards.

Chuck?

Yeah?

Put the whip down.

Why?

Not a fan of the whip,
are you, big fella?

I'll just put this away and let
you get back to your cat nap.

Ow, gee!

Chuck!
Mm-hmm?

Run!

Yeah, go, go, go, go!

The software-

the software is
on the tiger's collar.

Get the chair.

If I just had my tranq gun.

No, no, that's not a tranq gun.

I am not letting
you shoot a tiger.

They are endangered
and majestic.

Do you have any better ideas?
I think what we need

to be asking ourselves
is what would the Turners do?

Survive in the field,

an agent also has
to employ stealth.

Good. Done-
are you kidding me?

I move like a cat.

I want you to steal
something for me.

Look at these hands-
small and nimble.

Steal anything in the store.
Look at this. Boom. Done.

I got...
No!

I have something a little

more difficult in mind.

Oh, come on, really?

Suck it up.

Target acquired.

Okay, okay,
the Turners aren't perfect.

I'm willing
to modify my opinion.

She's a drunk
and he's a philanderer.

As a team, they're a total mess.

Well, come on, they're not
completely without their charms.

I mean, there could be worse
people that we could turn into.

I would rather be
eaten alive by a tiger.

Speaking of, I am done waiting
around for Otto to find us.

Let's get the software
and get out of here.

Shh-shh-shh.

I've heard that noise before.

It sounds like...

Your mission,

moron, is to steal
Big Mike's keycard.

See? What'd I tell you?

Sleeping just like Big Mike
after eating a baker's dozen.

Okay, shh.

Shh.
Shh.

Okay, give me the gun.
I'll cover you.

No, no, no, I'll cover you.

You get the collar.
No, trust me.

You have that,
that feline instinct.

I know how to use
a gun better than you do.

See, still don't think
that's a great idea.

Just do it.
Okay, fine.

* *

Oh, my God!

Why didn't you shoot it!

It was about to eat me.

You said he was majestic.

He's a little majestic.

Come on.

Grimes?

I told you

I don't like people looking
at me when I'm asleep.

Mm-hmm. I know, it's just

you had me so worried, I...

For a second there,
I thought you were dead.

What's that in your hand?

This is your keycard.

Yeah, and, uh, I thought
it was cutting off

your air supply, your
air-air pipe. Mm-hmm.

You know and then your esophagi.
And then, I'm looking

and I'm like, there's jelly
all over... Give me that.

Yeah. You can take it,

'cause I was just going to wash
it for you. I'm a grown man.

Yeah, you are.
I can clean up after myself.

Naturally.

But you can get me another one
of those doughnuts.

Thank you for going
to all this trouble.

Babe, I'm your husband.

It's my job to take care
of you, honey.

Still, I feel silly.

You know, there's people
here with real problems.

You get to feel how you feel.

It's a lot to adjust to.

I guess I'm having a hard time
shaking the whole

city girl thing.

I'm sort of...

Out of my element.

I'm not really
an outdoorsy type.

Don't move, babe.

Devon, what are you looking at?

Don't breathe.
Do not...

It's okay.

You're the new guys, right?

The husband and wife team?
Yeah, I'm, uh, Justin.

Camp security coordinator.

Um... you might want
to set up camp

a little further away
from the perimeter.

The animals get a little

curious at night.

You okay, honey?
Oh, yeah.

We're making a difference.
We're making a difference.

Sorry I wasn't around
when you guys arrived.

Outside of your
snake friend here,

we're all very grateful
to have you both here.

Yeah, we need all
the doctors we can find.

Thanks.

Yeah, anytime.

And, uh... welcome to Africa.

Yeah.

We're okay.

We'll be all right.

We're all right.

Okay, here's the
deal: We'll call

the Turners from the road.

Impressive.

You know, I didn't think
they had it in them.

What are you guys doing?

We're teaching you a little
something about spying.

Lesson one:
trust no one...

Except your partner, of course.

We'll take Otto's software.

Wha...? What?! No, no!

You're the Turners!
You can't be

doing this to us.

Don't feel bad, Charles.

We're the best at this.

What do you mean,
they went rogue?

General, Mrs. Turner
pulled a gun on me.

And might I add,
I think she may have

a bit of a problem
with the, uh, sauce.

Uh, the Turners
stole Otto's software.

The Turners are two of the most
decorated spies in the CIA.

There must be some explanation
for their behavior.

I suggest you find it.

Well, I'd be happy
to track them down

if you want to ask
them yourself.

Colonel, you have your mission.

Oh, yeah, how is that

field training
with Morgan going?

Put it this way.

He makes you look
like a natural-born operative.

If you can't make Morgan Grimes
field-ready,

I'm sending you both
to boot camp in Pendleton.

That is all.

Great. This is just great.

This is, this is perfect.

Not only did
the Turners sell us out,

they make us look like complete
amateurs in the process.

Chuck, why are you
doing dishes?

Please? I'm a Bartowski.

This is what we do
to deal with stress. We clean.

Okay, I can see
that you're upset.

I am upset. The Turners were
supposed to be our role models,

and instead, they
turn out to be these

coldhearted
double-crossing traitors.

And now, now you're never
gonna move in with me.

Chuck, we're not the Turners.

Yeah, I know.

But I kind of liked the idea
that we could become them.

Well, right now,

we really need
to focus on finding them.

Sarah, how? The Turners have
been spying for 30 years.

They've got dozens of aliases
and a million different places

they could disappear to.

Whatever beach
they're on right now

I hope that Mr.
Turner's enjoying

his perfect little Manhattan.

The Grand Ambassador.

What?
He said last night

that that was the only place
in Los Angeles

that had the right kind
of cherries.

Hold, hold on a
second. Hold on.

You... you don't
actually think

they're still hanging
around here, do you?

Well, they might if they already
had a buyer for the software.

They picked the wrong couple
to stab in the back.

This is how I deal with stress.

Here we go.

Yes, she's gonna help you.

Can you take care
of this lady? Thank you.

Hey, it's Chuck.
Leave a message.

Hi. Uh, I don't know if you got
any of my other messages, Chuck.

I don't know.
It's just kind of helping me

to talk them out
over the machine.

I can't really talk
to Devon about anything.

He's, like, born to be here.

The villagers love him.

They have this nickname for him.

We can't really pronounce it
in Bantu,

but it loosely translates

to "Dr. Super Fantastic
White Person."

I'm just tired.

I'm just tired,
and I'll feel better

when I get some sleep.

Okay, I love you and I miss you.

I'll talk to you soon.

Ellie.
Yeah?

How are you?

Great. You know, if
you ever need to talk,

you can always come to me.

It's just one of my jobs.

I'm fine. I'm fine.

Good.

Mm, I'm not fine.

Huh. I-I have
a little brother,

and, uh, we used to camp out
in our backyard.

I would, I would pitch a tent

and make s'mores,
the whole thing.

He'd fall asleep,

and I'd sneak back inside
and set the alarm

for the morning and get in there
before he could wake up.

I just... Justin,
I'm not built for this.

That's not true.

I've seen you
with your patients, Ellie.

You are built for
being a doctor here.

Now, it might take time to get
used to the other stuff, but...

It's worth it.

Thank you, Justin.

Welcome.

Mmm!

I can get used to this.

You will, darling,

as soon as we make the sale.

30 years, we always
did what's right.

I keep thinking of those
poor, young agents.

What a pair of saps.

Reminded me of us.

I just hope we didn't
hurt their career.

They never had a career,
not with the CIA.

You saw how they looked
at each other.

They're obviously in love.

And we're not?

Oh, no, no, we're still in love.

A different sort
of love.

It's just more like a...
an old bourbon.

So now I'm old?
Aged to perfection, my dear.

How about that little piece
of jailbait at the party?

Was that you trying to
cork a younger vintage?

I see where you're going
with the metaphor.

No, she was just part
of the mission; a diversion.

How many times have I heard that
excuse, you lecherous old...?!

She was planning on having breast
enhancement surgery, and she asked my advice.

You'd like to give her
an operation, wouldn't you?

She was obviously in awe of me,
if not in love.

Room service!

Go ahead and leave it.

All clear.

"Compliments
of the Bartowski's."

Darling, do we know
any Bartowski...?

How did you ever find us?

You're the only room
that ordered 12 Manhattans.

We learned from the best.

You don't know what
that weapon is, do you?

What? Are you kidding me?

Sig 229 nine millimeter,
13-round magazine.

Laser grip,
full metal jacket, sir.

Impressive.

Yeah, well, I play a lot
of first-person shooters.

Well, this isn't a video game.

Hey, whoa-whoa.

Thank you.

All right.

Here we go. No problem.

Morgan, you got this.

Just like Call of Duty.

Squeeze the trigger...

Oh!

Holy cow!
I think your gun

just exploded in my hand!

Sit down! There's nothing wrong
with the gun.

Hmm?
Sit down!

No, I-I think should...
Sit!

Yes, sir.

You're firing me, aren't you?

Oh, my God, this is even

worse than when I got canned
from Underpants, Etc.

It's not the end of the world.

Oh, come on! That's what you all
say when you fire me.

I blew it.

I blew my one chance
to be a spy,

and the thing is, Casey,

all I wanted to do
was be a part of this team.

Know how you feel.

You know, Morgan,
you were there for me

when I was out on my ass
with the agency.

I just want you to know
I'm here for you now.

Really?

Not just like spy or work
or Buy More,

you mean like a friend.

Let's just keep that
on the down low, huh?

Done. Shh. But I need
you to know something.

I've been canned
from a lot of places.

By a lot of people,
and... you were the best, sir.

Whew!

Let's not let ourselves
get carried away here, Charles.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Turner.

Is that what you think,

that I'm getting carried away?
How did you think

we would react
after what you did?

What have we really done
at this point, Sarah?

We didn't sell Otto's software,

so technically,
we're not yet traitors.

Am I correct?

It was his idea to steal it.

He forced me to act
like a drunk at the party.

I only wish his lecherous
Lothario routine was an act.

She's lying! I wanted
to bring the software back.

It was her idea to sell it
on the black market.

Oh, no, no,
you can't lie to the...

You can lie to me.

Your duplicity amazes me.

Quiet!

Enough, okay?

It is one thing to
betray your agency,

it is another to
betray your partner.

You were supposed

to come here and teach us.

Teach us how to be
a great spy couple.

You really think we're that bad?

Only because you were
once great, yeah.

We were great,

remember?

Check back with me
in 30 years, Charles.

The CIA has a way
of breaking young idealists.

Especially if they're in love.

Good, the marshals are here.

It's Otto!

And his pussycat.

How, how did your good friend
Otto find us?

Did you two sell us out again?

The collar has
a tracking device.

All right, where do you keep
your backup guns?

Surely, you've heard

of the 30-foot rule, Charles.

Time to flash, time to flash.

No guns, no flash.

Honey, darling, would you mind
telling me what you've done

with our small cache of weapons?
I got rid of them, sweetheart.

You actually listened to me? I
can't quite believe it myself.

What have you done with the gun that you
had at the hotel? I left them in the car.

Why would you...?
Because you told me to!

Rookies. You take care of them

I'll take care of Otto.

You're making a big mistake.

Hi, how you doing?

Good Lord!

Sorry to drop in on you
like this.

Sasha always feels at home
wherever she goes.

You don't mind
if she looks around?

What, uh,
what-what-what's going on?

Uh, who are you people?

You know exactly who I am.

The question is, who are you?

Wait a minute. You're the guy!

Baby, this is the guy with
the mansion up in the hills!

Oh, oh, I told you
this would happen.

I'm so sorry. My boyfriend
thinks that it's really funny

to crash rich people's parties.

Where are the two

CIA agents you're hiding?

I'm sorry. What?

I believe you know them

as Mr. and Mrs. Turner.

I'm a, I'm a little
confused here.

Why would CIA agents be
in our apartment?

Because this isn't
a real apartment.

This is a CIA safe house.

And you two
are not a real couple.

You are spies.

Ah!

I'm on to you.

This is a practical joke,
isn't it?

I bet this is from your brother.

Okay, oh...

You're a spy, honey.
We're spies.

Scary spies.
You know what?

I've always felt like
I've got a James Bond-y thing

going on about me.
You do. You could be,

like, uh, Octopussy
or something like that.

Oh, yeah.

Now you're being
really insulting.

Listen, whoever you are,

all I ask is

that you hand over the Turners.

You have until the count

of drei.

Eins, zwei...

Stop. Please stop
with the countdown.

Ah, if I could just have a brief
sidebar with my girlfriend,

that would be great.

Good. Thanks.

These guys really
take it seriously.

This is very good,
though. Very real.

I say we hand them
over. We can't do that.

Why not? They
sold us out.

Because then we'd be
no better than the Turners.

Well, maybe they're right.
Maybe we're going to

end up just like them-
a couple of traitors.

Do you really believe that?

No.

I'm sorry, sir. Uh,
but I-I really...

I don't, I don't think
we can help you.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Guard them.

Uh, yeah, I don't think

that kitty litter
box is big enough.

Good girl, Sasha.

Take her outside.

Sure you're all right?
Yeah.

Espionage wasn't
my only aspiration.

I mean, I could always join
the competitive eating circuit.

Well, dare to dream.

The Turners are very clever.

It appears your guests
left in a hurry.

This is unbelievable.

The Turners have left us
holding the bag again?

I can assure you,
this will be the last time.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa. Otto.

Hold on a second.
Clearly,

The Turners have betrayed us
both; that means that we're all

on the same side here,
so put your guns down

and let us help you hunt down
those backstabbing bastards.

They're the lowest
of the low, okay?

CIA scum.

Let them go, Otto.

But they're not
without their moments.

What the hell is this?

Wh-What is it,
Casey? What?

Shh!

It's a Bengal tiger.

Female.

Fully grown.

Avoid eye contact.

If she charges,

make yourself
as big as possible.

Easy for you to say.

It's us you want.

We've got the software.

What are you two doing?

Showing you we're not traitors,
Charles.

What should we do?

Shh! You're gonna
get us killed.

No.

Listen to me. Listen to me.
Just hear me out. Hear me out.

This country needs men
like you, Casey.

Okay? What do I do?

I sell refrigerators, you know?
I mean, if I die, what?

They'll shop at Large Mart.
Big deal.

But there is a way I
can serve my country.

What are you doing? I'm luring the
tiger into Ellie and Awesome's apartment.

You're not. Yes, I am,
and listen to me. No matter

what you hear in there,
promise me you will not

go in there after me.

Semper fi-dizzle.

Come on, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Sasha.

Oh! Okay.

Did you see that? Told you
I was good for something.

Yeah. Move.

We have to bring you in.

You know I can't let you go.

That's funny.

I would have said
the same thing 30 years ago.

After what we did?

You would have shot us dead
where we stand.

Which would be perfectly
justifiable.

And yet unnecessary.

Wouldn't you agree, Sarah?

They did save us.

Sorry, darling.

It's over.

Good work, Team.

Our cryptographers
are analyzing Otto's software

as we speak.

Thanks to you, our nation's

communications network
remains secure.

Thank you, General.

And now,

on to the subject
of the Turners

and their actions.

Actually, General, if I might
be able to say something

on behalf of the Turners...

General.
No, Sarah. I think I...

No, Chuck. It's
okay. I got it.

The Turner's double-cross was
actually a triple-cross.

By stealing the software
from us,

they were able to
lure Otto into a trap,

and we were able
to capture him.

It was a daring
bit of spycraft.

I would expect nothing
less from the Turners.

I just hope you
and Agent Bartowski

were able to learn something

from these
two exemplary operatives.

As a matter of fact, General,

yes, working with the Turners

was... quite humbling.

You must be ready to move on
to your next assignment.

Thanks but no thanks, General.

E- Excuse me?

No more assignments.

What my husband means to say

is, we're retiring.

But you can't just walk away.

You are the best of the best.

Who will possibly
take your place?

You...

Are you sure? Really?

I mean, thank you.

* *

Watch each other's
backs, you two.

And I wish you
many happy marriages.

* *

Please tell me that
Chuck is joking

about them sending
me to boot camp.

'Cause, oh, man.

They're gonna make
me shave my beard.

Hmm. Relax.

You passed.

Huh?
I failed every test.

With flying colors.

You have got to be
hands down, bar none

the worst candidate
I've ever trained.

But you've got one thing
going for you.

You got balls.

I do?

How many Marines
you know would go

up against a Bengal
tiger unarmed? Yeah.

You'd have to be
a complete idiot.

Well, that's the thing.
You know...

That's, that's me
in a nutshell.

Lesser men, they'd run away
from danger, and I'm, uh..

Casey?

Dude.

You turned my
sister's apartment

into a kitty litter box.

I know.
I'm sorry, man.

I just... How was
I supposed to know

the tiger wasn't housebroken?

Oh, my God.

Great. You're here.

Guys, we got to get
this place fixed up

before Devon
and Ellie get back.

Well, actually,

I was gonna start
with our place.

Our place?

That is, if your offer for
me to move in still stands?

Yeah.

I'm sorry that I freaked out

when you asked me
to move in with you.

It's just, you know
how I grew up.

I spent my life living in
hotel rooms under fake names.

I've been trained to survive

a thousand different
situations in the field,

but nobody ever taught me
how to have a normal life.

Well, I hate to break it
to you, but I don't think

we're ever going
to live a normal life.

Well, I'd like to have
something to fall back on

when our spy life is over.

Devon, sweetie, where are you?

Devon?

Baby?

Ah, baby, you're burning up.

I'll be right back.
Help!

Sorry, El.

I thought we could do
some good work here.

You do not apologize.

Now it's my job
to take care of you, okay?

Thank you.

I alerted the airport.

There's an ambulance
waiting for you,

so you can skip customs
and drive straight

onto the tarmac.
Thank you.

Your husband's
going to be fine.

I know, I know.

I just can't believe
we're leaving so soon.

There are plenty of ways
you can help back home.

Take care.

All right. Feel better.

They just left.

I took care of the husband.

Made it look like malaria.

She doesn't suspect a thing.