Chuck (2007–2012): Season 1, Episode 5 - Chuck Versus the Sizzling Shrimp - full transcript

Chinese.

Chinese?
-Oh, yeah, man.

It's what an evening
with Morgan's all about.

You didn't forget to tell her, did you?

No, no, no, of course not, no.
She's been looking forward to it all week.

"Oh, when are we gonna hang out
with your funny friend?"

-She says that? Good, good, good.
-Yeah.

Make sure her head's in the game.

This is her shot to prove she has
something to bring to this relationship.

-Feel me?
-Nothing but feeling you.

Good, good, good.



An evening with Morgan will begin
at 7 sharp. Bring your A game.

Love you, pal.

-An evening of Morgan.
-Okay, so here's the thing.

Uh, he's my best friend.

And I haven't gotten to spend
any time with him or Ellie this week...

...and so he really
wanted us to hang out tonight.

For an evening of Morgan?

I thought being stationed in Khyber Pass
for six months was brutal.

If you're so sad about not being
included, Casey, you could say so.

Dinner with you and Morgan.

I'd rather Afghani warlords
bleed me from my liver.

-He's a happy person.
-Mm-hm.

I appreciate that about him.
And he works hard, so....

An evening with Morgan
will consist of three acts.



Act One: Dinner.

What are we having?

A little delicacy called sizzling shrimp.

We're gonna pack our bellies so full,
you're gonna make a seal jealous.

Wow, sounds like quite a night.

Oh, and that's just the beginning.

Dinner will be followed by a screening
at Chuck's of the greatest kung-fu film ever:

Enter the Dragon.

Prepare to die, my bearded friend.

Bring it, bring it, come on.

What are you doing? Ow! Okay.

And the third act can only be found
here in Chinatown.

There he is. Be cool.

Hey, wait a minute.

-I thought you were off this stuff.
-Yeah, well, I'm sorry, Chuck, all right?

Daddy needs his fix, you know?

Dude.

You know how I feel
about fireworks.

You know what? To defeat fear,
one must embrace fear.

I’d rather embrace my limbs.
Specifically all of them.

No fireworks, no sale.
-Aw!

Can I say something?
This evening gets an asterisk, okay?

At least we still get
our shrimp though.

Aw, no, no, you gotta be kidding me.
They can't be closed.

An evening of Morgan
has to at least include sizzling shrimp.

Morgan, it's okay.
We'll do it another time.

No, no, I got this, I got this.
Lucky for us, I got connections.

Well, we gotta give
him points for effort.

My friend, Juan, he's a dishwasher.
Leaves his key for me, so....

Gotta make this quick. Ellie's waiting.

Ha, ha! Hear that sizzle?
It's like the sound of angels' laughter.

Wait here.

That waitress. She's Mei-Ling Cho,
Chinese intelligence.

Never set foot on U.S. soil before.

-Sizzling shrimp anyone?
-My God.

Well, you can just call me Morgan, babe,
but I appreciate the enthusiasm.

Is this the woman you saw?
-Yeah.

-Read through these.
-Ah!

Twice. Let us know
if you flash on anything.

Call the director.
We got a priority code orange.

Uh, guys? Is there any way
this can wait until morning?

I kind of have a priority code
Ellie and Morgan.

They're waiting for us for dinner.

China's top spy is in Los Angeles.

We don't know why she's here
or what she's planning to do.

You, my friend, may be the only one
who can figure that out.

That's your priority. Copy?

Copy.

Hey, sis. Morning.

Mm-hm.

Or not.

Could you pass the Berry Loops?

Are you sure
you don't want any sizzling shrimp?

Right.

-We have a whole lot of that left over.
-Because I got back late last night.

-Ha. This is the point I'm trying to make.
-And you're making it very well.

It's one thing to let shrimp
go to waste...

...it's another to stand me up,
but to leave me with Morgan?

And I feel terrible about that,
believe me. I do.

You know how much
I adore sizzling shrimp.

And you. More specifically you.

It just,
Sarah wasn't feeling well, and....

Oh, well, what is it? I'm a doctor.

I believe, uh, she had a spastic colon.

-Yuck.
-I know.

A girl that beautiful
with a colon that spastic.

-Well, you know what tomorrow is.
-Absolutely, yes.

It's very own October version
of Mother's Day...

...and I wouldn't miss it.

I should hope not,
but then again...

...I never figured that you would pass
on sizzling shrimp either.

Spastic colon, what the...?

I went over the Department of Defense
files on Mei-Ling this morning.

Sorry, no flashes.

Maybe you'll flash
on something tonight.

-Tonight?
-We're running a surveillance op on her.

We're gonna tail her,
see if you flash on anyone.

Might tell us why she's here.

My first stakeout. Okay. Okay, yeah.

What do I need to bring?
Sweater, light jacket?

You just bring that computer
in your head, huh?

Okay, I have a lot more to offer
this team other than the Intersect.

For instance, what are we doing
for tunes tonight?

I can make a stakeout mix.

John, need all the green shirts
in my office on the double.

Mm. Have fun.

That's really not fair. Ah.

Sales are down, people.

There's too much horsing around.

And what this team needs
is some good old-fashioned motivation.

I couldn't agree with you more,
big man.

Twenty-four-hour sales competition.
Starting now.

First prize: iPhone.

Second prize:
large pizza, two toppings.

-Third prize--
-Don't even say small pizza.

Because that's not a prize,
that's a punishment.

When I eat a small pizza and not
only am I still hungry, I'm angry.

You wouldn't want me hungry
because then I get cranky.

Then I get a little mean.
Then I kind of get sleepy.

-Third prize is you get to keep your job.
-Oh.

Last prize: you're fired.

Doesn't sound like much
of a prize either, am I right?

Let me show you the deluxe model.

Okay, now, supposedly this baby
makes delicious milkshakes.

You probably wanna hold off
on the calories, huh?

So let me show you
the exercise equipment.

It's actually right over here, so....

It's for the game?
Buy the big screen, man.

Game's over, return it.

Break it.
Kick a freaking hole in the thing.

Money back guaranteed, dude.
We'll even pick it up for you.

This is crazy. I know I'm the salesman,
but how much you want for your shirt?

I've been looking for something to go
with my beard, and this thing is just--

You know what?
Let me see the label? Could I ju--?

Grimes, you are the worst salesman
I’ve ever seen.

Vultures are circling. Get it in gear.

We're in trouble, Chuck. Harry Tang's
plan to eliminate us has gone into effect.

-Sales competition?
-Yeah, man.

Think you can carve out
about an hour after work, help me?

-Tonight?
-Yeah.

I'm sorry, buddy, no can do,
I already made plans with Sarah tonight.

Okay, all right. Uh, tomorrow,
me and you, a little Morgan time, huh?

I’ve got Mother's Day with Ellie.

I can only miss that if there was
a major national emergency.

So to speak. Ahem.

Listen to me, Chuck. Dude.

It's me, all right?
Now I'm begging you here.

I'm on my knees, you know?
Hat in hand, that sort of thing.

Help me, Chuck Bartowski.
You're my only hope.

Okay, okay. I'm gonna go out
with Sarah tonight.

I'm gonna wrap that up early
to get back and help you...

...and then I'll hang out
with Ellie tomorrow.

Yeah. Yeah, I think
I can make that work.

I knew I could count on you, bro.

I hope so.

Hey, we got a bogey at 6 o'clock here.

Excuse me, someone send in
an order for sizzling shrimp?

-A Mr. Carmichael?
-Yeah, yeah. That's me.

That's me. I'll take that.

Thank you very much.
You go ahead and keep the change.

-Oh, thank you.
-Have a good night.

What?
It's for Morgan, I called it in.

The idea behind a stakeout
is to remain inconspicuous, you moron.

Uh, hello? That's why I used an alias.

Hey, I think we have some company.

Who's that?
-Old Ironside is Ben Lo Pan.

He's the local big-shot businessman.

Owns, like, half of Chinatown.

And there's Mei-Ling.

We're on.

She's gonna get ahead of us.
-No, we're good.

Always leave a 30-yard cushion
from your target on a tail.

-She's following Ben Lo Pan's limo.
-Oh, a tail on a tail.

Does that mean
like a 60-yard cushion...

...or would you say that regular tail rules
apply in this situati--?

Glocks and a crotch rocket.
My kind of gal.

Those aren't glocks.
They're Chinese army issue pistols.

She's not here on a spy mission.

She's here to assassinate
the guy in the wheelchair.

-You sure?
-Yeah, pretty sure.

Locked away in the brain here.
I mean, I'm not bragging.

-Intersect's doing the heavy lifting.
-We can't wait for cops.

By the time they get here, Mei-Ling
or Ben Lo Pan may be dead, or both.

Mei-Ling could be a part
of larger operation.

We need her alive.
Find out what she knows.

We catch her?
Chinese spy has a lot we'd love to hear.

All right, Chuck.
Pull the car around front.

What, oh, around the front?
Okay, then what do I do?

-Stay in the car.
-My four favorite words.

Hello.

-Chuck's not here, Morgan.
-My four favorite words.

-Get out.
-Not favorites.

But at least we're dialoguing.

He's on a date with Sarah.
I'll tell him you stopped by.

I would appreciate that.
He's supposed to be helping me now.

If I don't become a better salesman
by tomorrow night, I could get fired.

Although, I guess I could just crash here
until I land on my feet.

As inspired
as that makes me to help you...

...I would rather
just change the locks.

-I'll let myself out.
-Now my four favorite words.

I'm gonna get you, I'm gonna get you.
Aah, don't eat me. Aah!

Ha, ha. Well, you're dead.

Come on.

Stakeouts are kind of fun.

Floor's crowded. You see her?

No.

Hey, you on the list?

-Hands in the air. Now.
-Easy. Federal agents.

-Against the wall.
-Come on, you're making a big mistake.

Your boss is in danger.

Gun!

Go to Tommy from Canoga Park.

Doctor Stu, he has some questions
about his fantasies.

-They think we're with her.
-What?

They think we're with her.
No kill shots.

I hate playing nice.

Gunshots. Gunshots.

Listen to Sarah, stay in the car.

They're cheerleaders together.

Hey, the wheelchair guy.

Let me just tell you right now,
that's normal.

Let me help you get out of here.
-Help me. A lady is trying to kill me.

-My car, this way.
-Yeah, whatever, come on.

Here. Here you go.

Here's your guy.

-Why is he tied up?
-Throw him in the trunk.

The trunk?

That's not very nice.

Why would you...?

Whoa! Whoa!

-Where are they taking him?
-I don't know!

-You work for him?
-What? No, no!

Wait. Hold on a second.

I was just trying to help
an old guy in a wheelchair...

...who puts people in trunks.

You idiot. That old man is Triad.

Chinese mafia.

That was my brother
he threw in the trunk.

Your brother? You were trying to--

Rescue him. Until you got in the way.

Federal agent. Drop your gun.

No, no, no, stop, stop, stop!

-Chuck, are you okay?
-Yeah.

-Are you hurt?
-No.

What the hell just happened?

She was just trying
to rescue her brother.

I guess I was wrong.

I blew it.

-What are we, carpooling now?
-Just heard back from Washington.

They confirmed Mei-Ling's story.

Her brother Lee Cho's
a low-level bureaucrat from Beijing.

He was kidnapped on a business trip
to L.A. by local Triads.

The Chinese received a ransom call...

...asking for the release
of a Triad captain in Beijing.

They refused.

Mei-Ling was here on her own.

Her government never signed off
on a rescue op.

What's the connection?

The feds suspected that he had
Triad roots but they could never prove it.

-Okay, so what do we do now?
-Nothing. We stay out of it.

Hold on. I watched that guy get stuffed
in a trunk because I got it wrong.

We're not gonna start
an incident over someone...

...not even the Chi-Coms care about.
Let it go, Chuck, huh?

Sarah, I screwed up, okay?
It's my fault.

-Her brother's gonna die. It's my fault.
-No, it's her fault.

She went off the grid
and she disobeyed orders coming here.

But her superiors didn't even give her
a choice. Come on.

Sarah, I would have done
the same thing if it was Ellie.

Minus the
shooting-apart-the-club part.

I know how you feel.

It was hard for me too
when I first started.

But the truth
is we can't save everyone, Chuck.

Big Mike must not have been clear
about how a sales competition works.

The idea here, Morgan,
um, is to sell things.

I can't get fired.

How will I eat?
I'll starve on the soup line.

I hate soup.

All right? Soup is not a meal.

It's hardly an appetizer,
for God's sake.

-Can I have your locker?
-I call his windbreaker.

-Fine, but I get his name tag.
-Fine.

Can I say something?

You guys need me, okay?

With me gone, someone else
is gonna be the butt of all the jokes.

Let me tell you something, Jeff,
you don't wanna carry that mantle.

-Maybe you do wanna carry that mantle.
-We'll take that mantle. Yes.

You're not gonna let me
take the bullet on this one, right?

-Yes.
-Absolutely. Nice knowing you.

Nerd Herd. Bartowski speaking.

I'm looking at you.

Oh, yeah, you're looking at me
right now. Ha-ha-ha. Who is this?

Let's just say you owe me
for ruining my rescue operation.

-Mei-Ling.
-Put your hand down.

If you signal your friend,
it's the last thing you'll ever do.

By the way, nice mustard stain.

-Where are you?
-Not near the sorority girls.

Uh....

-What do you want?
-Triads put a clock on my brother's life.

He dies in nine hours
if I don't do something.

Okay, yeah, about that, about that.
Listen, I'm really, really sorry.

And if there's anything that
I can do to make up for it....

Help me rescue him.

I'm a dead man.
I'm last place in the sales competition.

You do not help me, I get fired.

One word to him,
you're a dead man too.

Not now, Morgan, please. I have a really,
really upset customer. Zip.

Listen to me, listen to me.
I'm a Good Samaritan.

I just helped the wrong guy.

I help people run computers,
not rescue operations.

I tailed you. You have a team
watching your every step.

Which means you can help
and you will.

I'll be in touch soon.

Hello? Hello?

-Want a hot dog?
-Huh?

It's an emergency.

So I've been thinking
a lot about last night.

And you guys were talking about
how the spy could be valuable to us.

So I was thinking,
what if we could convince her to...

...I don't know, like,
give up some secret stuff or--?

-You mean defect?
-Yes. People do that thing all the time.

The Hunt for Red October, uh,
White Nights.

Gregory Hines, Baryshnikov,
dancing their way to freedom?

Well, as long as you've done
serious research.

You get her to defect,
I'll help rescue her brother personally.

-Why are you bringing this up?
-Well, she sort of just called me.

She called you?

-Where?
-At the Buy More.

I think she might've been in the store.
She knew my every move.

She even knew
that I had mustard on my tie.

What? Hey, where--?
Hey, wait a minute.

Hey, hey, Morgan, hey, buddy.

Listen, I'm really sorry about last night.
I got home really late.

Don't sweat it, man.
Just my livelihood at stake.

What about tonight?
Maybe after Mother's Day?

Working double shift. It's my last chance
to make enough sales to not get fired.

Thanks though, pal.

Chuck.
-Aah! What?

There's a delivery
you need to sign for.

Great. Thank you, Jeff.

-Where's Chuck?
-Storage cage. Signing for a delivery.

-But deliveries come at 6.
-Guess they got here early, dude.

Oh, hey. I think that's for me.

Please tell me that's not real.
The gun, not the clipboard.

Real enough?

Listen, listen, they agreed to help
if you would just defect.

-What?
-It's really not that bad here.

Chinese food's good.
You tried sizzling shrimp?

-Drop the gun, drop it.
-Oh, oh! Oh!

-Let go.
-Shoot me, I shoot him.

Hey, hey, I got an idea.

How about a new plan
that involves less shooting?

-You agreed to help if she defected.
-I I would never.

Why? Loyalty to your government,
that left your brother for dead?

If I defect,
I can never go back to China.

I will never see my brother again.

And if you don't, you'll lose him forever.
And you don't want that.

Guys, promise Mei-Ling you'll help
rescue her brother if she defects, please.

Please?

Promise. Now let the kid go.

How do I know I can trust you?

You don't have any other choice.

Oh! Okay.

This is the floor plan
of Ben Lo Pan's estate.

My intel says they're holding my brother
here, near the center of the mansion.

Getting out's gonna be the real trick.
Lo Pan's got a private army of guards.

When those alarms go,
they're gonna be on us like--

Thank you, Casey.

-Hey, what up, sis?
-Oh, good.

Did you defrost the chicken?

You know that I did.
And you know why?

Because it's Mother's Day,
and I am here for you.

Ha, ha. Prodigal brother returns.

-You need some help? Ha-ha-ha.
-Yes. Thanks.

So this will be fun. Just you and I.

-It's been a while.
-It's been too long.

But tonight is about
brother-sister bonding.

You know, catching up.

Catching up, by the way,
with no distractions.

And as soon as I answer this call,
I will turn it off, I swear.

Hello.
-It's Casey, get over here.

I wanna see if you flash on anything.

-What was that?
-Nothing, nothing.

It's Casey. John Casey, my co-worker.

He needs some help
with, uh, decorating tips.

Like color swatches? I could help.

No, no, no, you don't wanna....

No, that's very thoughtful.
I appreciate that, but he's a guy's guy.

He wants a man's opinion.

He's a hunter, and he doesn't
quite know which deer to mount on--

Eww, God.

You have couple of hours before dinner.
I need to focus on the kitchen, anyway.

-You sure?
-Yeah. Oh, you know what?

Why don't you take him
some of my special guacamole?

You know, like,
as a housewarming gift.

That....

Wow, thank you, sis.
That's really thoughtful of you.

Keep it away from Sarah, though.

This is definitely not good
for her spastic colon.

Yes, got it, right. Yeah, the spastic--

Okay.

Okay. I promise I will be back by 8.

I promise.

Hi. Hey, I brought Ellie's secret recipe.

Trying to help out any way I can.
Can't really stay.

All right, there are 10 guards
stationed at these points...

...here, here and here.

The security cameras are TKX-50's.

A little outdated,
but they're equipped for remote access.

Either of you familiar with them?

I am.

Yeah, uh, we used to sell them
at the Buy More.

I did a bunch of installs a few
years back. Pretty easy to access.

Good. Every warm body helps.

Sorry, me? No, no, no.

Look, as much as I wish
that I could help you, I can't.

I made plans with my sister,
they are non-negotiable.

But I know you wouldn't be in this mess
if it weren't for me.

I wanna be with my sister and you
obviously wanna be with your brother.

We're like one big wacky
trans-Atlantic family. Heh.

I owe you. I'm in.

Okay, fine. But you don't leave the van
under any circumstances.

I just need to be home by 8
if that's at all possible.

Chuck. Chuck.

Chuck, am I coming through?

Yep. I gotcha.

Oh, hey, we have liftoff.

-Oof! Half a Big Gulp. New record.
-Ahh.

I am Spartacus.

Hey, guys. Uh, kind of need your help.
-Oh.

Last in the sales competition,
Chuck not here to bail you out this time?

Why else would I be here?

You know, by helping you out,
aren't we...?

Aren't we messing
with the laws of nature?

I mean, the weak die
and the strong prevail.

-Who are we to play God?
-Mm-hm.

Yeah. Um...

...I'll give you half my pizza
if I get second place.

The wounded raccoon.

Don't know what that is,
but whatever works.

Whatever-- Let's do it.

That's a great product, huh? It's
two gigs of memory, extended warranty.

Yeah, it's a little pricey.

But you know what? I'll take it.

It's a gift for my sick nephew.

Oh. Sick nephew, huh?

Um....

Tell you what. Don't tell anybody,
but it's on sale at Large Mart.

Save yourself 50 bucks.

You'd give up a sale
just to save me $50? That's so sweet.

-Ah, just--
-You know what? Here.

Call me sometime, for coffee.

Wow. I will. Coffee is-- Sounds great.

Look at the little man.

So weak. So pathetic.

And you wonder why you're last in sales
and about to get fired.

Maybe if you spent your time
selling merchandise...

...instead of trolling for phone numbers,
you wouldn't be flat broke...

...and living with your mother,
and be forced to pick leftovers...

...out of the garbage
so that you can eat.

-Can I have my number back, please?
-Thing-- Well....

Let me just....

Are you kidding me, what was that?
-Ahem.

The wounded raccoon.

You humiliate the salesman
in front of the customer, like so...

...which I thought we did very well.

The customer feels so bad,
they'll buy anything.

It's the "pity sale."

Always wondered if it worked.

-Guess not.
-No, it does not, it does not. Wow.

Shall we?

Listen, the guards are
looking at a static loop.

You're our eyes, Chuck. If you see
trouble coming, you let us know.

Got it, let's just make
this quick. 7:15 is my curfew.

Okay, we're going inside.
-Chuck, what do you see?

Uh, let's see....

Okay, I've got one guard
by himself at the security monitors.

Thank you.
-Oh.

Aah! Oh! Oh! Ow.

Good-- Good work,
but let's not get cocky, huh, team?

Shut up, Chuck. What's next?

Right, right. Looking....

Looking, looking....

Okay, okay.
I’ve got three guards in the kitchen area.

We see them.
-Be careful.

They're bigger than the first guy.

Whoa, ahh.

Hiyah!

All right. Kicking butt.

"Don't get cocky"?
-My bad. Professional faux pas.

Wait. Hey, hey, what happened?
I lost all visual on the security cameras.

Guys? Guys?

All I can see is what Casey's
lipstick camera is picking up.

Put down the book, Ironside.
Hands up.

Guys, if you're seeing this,
you might wanna run.

You think?

Perfect timing, Mei-Ling.

Your government has just refused
my final offer for your brother.

Hopefully,
they will change their minds...

...now that I have two American agents
to barter with.

Oh. Sarah?

Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, no.
Oh, no, no, no.

Chuck, don't talk.

I can't hear you, go home.

Repeat. Go home, do not call
the cops, don't do anything. Go home.

Casey?

Casey?

They're taking them
to the Bamboo Dragon.

Okay, okay. All right.

What are the rules for tailing?
Tail rules.

Thirty, 30 yards. Or was it 30 feet?

I should've taken notes.
Oh, God.

Ellie's gonna kill me. Sorry.

-Yo, yo, yo. Come here.
-Ah, no, thanks.

-Check it out. Just look at this.
-All right, what do you got?

Hey, Chuck, it's Ellie.

Well, you've officially missed
Mother's Day.

Which is a first, I might add.

I don't know what happened
to you tonight.

Or in general.

You know, the least that
you could have done was call, but....

Anyway, um, forget it. Bye.

Let me guess,
Chuck's not here, right?

That is becoming
common around here.

Yeah. Tell me about it.

I can't believe
Chuck missed Mother's Day.

You know, all I wanted was for him
to meet a great girl...

...and he finally did,
and now I never see him.

You know, maybe we should sit Chuck
down, force him to break up with Sarah.

Dump her completely.
Who needs her? Ha, ha.

Kidding. Kidding, kind of.

It's not that I'm not happy for him.
I just miss him.

No, I get it.

Chuck's been through
some tough times.

Kicked out of Stanford
and then Jill breaking up with him.

You know.
You got him through all that.

And no one knows
that better than he does, believe me.

How are things at work?

Oh, awful.
Thank you for asking, yeah.

There's this, uh, sales competition,
and I'm pretty much last.

-So, what are you gonna do?
-Same thing I always do.

-Get fired.
-Are you sure that you wanna do that?

Truth is, Chuck and I always complain
how boring the Buy More is.

Tomorrow, I'm gonna go to Big Mike,
do the only honorable thing left to do.

What's that?

Well, what any respectable warrior
like Bruce Lee would do.

Fall on my sword.

Hari-kari.

-Fire myself.
-You mean resign?

Yeah, okay.
That sounds better, I guess.

Oh, God.
Please let me keep my fingers.

Come on, come on. Oh, God.

Okay, okay, okay.

Okay.

Ah! Oh. Okay, okay.

-Aah!
-Shh!

You can yell at me later.

This is the part where we hide.

Ahh.

Ben Lo Pan's getting away.

Wait here, huh? Wait here.

Uh-uh.

Forget it, Ben, it's Chinatown.
You ever see that movie?

Ellie. Ellie, I'm so, so, so sorry.

What happened, Chuck?
Were you kidnapped or something?

Me? Heh. No, no, no.

-I, uh-- I went over to Casey's--
-Ha, ha.

I went to Casey's, Chuck.
No one was there.

-Oh.
-When did we start keeping secrets?

You know what? Look,
if you'll just let me explain--

There's no need. I figured it out.

I know.

You do?

You haven't had a girlfriend
for a long time, and you're in love.

Yeah.

-I am?
-But lying to me?

Missing our most important day,
like you're in high school.

Do you even know that
Morgan's about to be fired?

Ellie, I can't apologize enough. I....

Everything that you're saying is right.

I guess that I'm just so, um--
I'm so head over heels...

...that I'm not thinking straight,
you know?

I know that this is the first big thing
to happen to you in a while.

And you feel like your life
isn't going anywhere.

And your job's not either...

...and you're not Superman out there,
saving the day.

But you're a good person, Chuck.

You're a good brother
and you're a good friend.

Don't lose that.

Do you think maybe that we could,
uh, reschedule Mother's Day?

For, like, tomorrow?

I know that that
is ridiculously unorthodox.

I get that, and I know it's my fault
that we even have to do it...

...but, uh, I mean, it is our holiday.

So I think
we could make up our own rules.

If I say yes, you'll be there?

I promise.

You know, if there's anything
going on with you.

Life, girl, job...

...you can come to me.

Yep.

-What's that?
-My letter of resignation.

-You get another job?
-No.

Didn't think anyone else
was stupid enough to hire you.

-So, what's up?
-I'm last in the competition.

Yeah, I know it's a shock that I'm last,
but here we are.

I now fall on my sword.
Head high, dignity intact.

-It's the Shaolin way.
-Hey, Morgan.

There's a whale on the line
demanding to see you.

A fish is calling?

No, you bearded buffoon.
A big spender.

She wants to see you at checkout.

-Ellie?
-Hey.

I know what I'm getting
Chuck and Devon for their birthdays.

So I figured
I'd do some shopping early.

That'll be $733.42, ma'am.

-Did anyone help you?
-He did.

I love you.

Uh, uh.

Big man. Not quitting, no.

Good. You're my only Hispanic
on the sales team.

You quit, the affirmative action goons
will be all over my ass.

Okay. Well, listen, I sold
over $700 worth of stereo equipment.

Puts me in second place.

Means somebody owes me a pizza
with two toppings.

-Pizza's for me, partner.
-Do I get an iPhone?

I don't even get a free iPhone.
You think I’d give you jerks one?

-No prizes?
-And no one's getting fired.

The competition
was to get you bums to work harder.

-Looks like it worked.
-Yeah, but, I--

Look, I'm sorry, guys.
I know that you wanted me to go home.

But I just couldn't, you know?

We just turned
one of China's top spies.

And you helped save her brother.
So good work, Chuck.

Well, I-- I better be going.

I’ve got my own family reunion
to attend.

Thank you, Chuck.

Oh, yeah, hey, don't mention it.
You're welcome. Ha.

Uh, but before you go,
would you mind, uh, signing this?

-What is it?
-Says I was off-site fixing your computer.

And that you were satisfied with
the level of customer service I provided.

-Hey, Chuck.
-Morgan? Morgan, what are you d--?

Buddy, I know that I haven't been
around lately and--

Or really been the best of friend,
but, uh, Ellie and I have this--

-Mother's Day, man. I know, I get it.
-It's okay, it's okay.

I invited him.
-Huh?

Yeah, yeah.

Told you he's gonna come walking
through that door. He's such a good kid.

-Let me get some glasses.
-What, uh...?

We bonded over
an "I miss Chuck" moment.

-Did you? Ha-ha-ha.
-Ha-ha-ha.

-Where's Awesome?
-He couldn't get off work.

But that must be Sarah.

What? You invited her too?

Well, I mean, she's your new best gal.
How could I not?

Ellie, you know
you'll always be my best gal.

Don't take this the wrong way,
Chuck, but I hope not.

Yeah, Morgan and now Sarah.
It used to be just the two of us.

Well, we're growing up.

-Hey.
-Ellie invited me.

She, uh, insisted that I come.

So, uh, Mother's Day....

Yes, Mother's Day, that's right.

You don't really know.

Mother's Day is the anniversary
of the day our mom left us.

Our dad was here,
but he was never really here.

So now every year,
we celebrate the day...

...we learned
how to take care of ourselves.

And rely on each other.

Mm. Oh.

I think, um--

I think we're gonna need
some more champagne.

I heard you came in second place,
thanks to Ellie.

Chuck, I’ve been slow
playing her for years, you know?

And just sort of waiting
in second position...

...until she pretty much
couldn't resist me anymore.

-Is that right?
-Yeah, yeah.

I would like your blessing
before I marry her.

Oh, well, you know,
whatever Ellie wants....

I know. But are you ready
to be my brother-in-law?

Have a few Morgan Bartowskis
running around?

Or Ellie Barettas.

I’d change my name to Baretta for her.
She deserves a last name that cool.

Like Ellie MacGyver, or
Ellie Headroom, Ellie Rambo.

-She's behind me right now, isn't she?
-Mm-hm.

-Heard everything?
-Pretty much, yeah.

Okay. I guess I'm going home.

I can't believe it.

For 12 whole hours, my best friend
and my sister actually got along.

A Mother's Day miracle.

Happy Mother's Day.