Chip 'n' Dale Rescue Rangers (1988–1990): Season 3, Episode 5 - They Shoot Dogs, Don't They - full transcript
♪♪
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
♪ SOMETIMES
SOME CRIMES ♪
♪ GO SLIPPIN'
THROUGH THE CRACKS ♪
♪ BUT THESE TWO
GUMSHOES ♪
♪ ARE PICKIN' UP
THE SLACK ♪
♪ THERE'S NO CASE TOO BIG ♪
♪ NO CASE TOO SMALL ♪
♪ WHEN YOU NEED HELP,
JUST CALL ♪
♪ CH-CH-CH-CHIP
'N' DALE'S ♪
♪ RESCUE RANGERS ♪
♪ CH-CH-CH-CHIP
'N' DALE ♪
♪ WHEN THERE'S DANGER ♪
♪ NO, NO, IT NEVER FAILS ♪
♪ ONCE THEY'RE INVOLVED ♪
♪ SOMEHOW WHATEVER'S WRONG
GETS SOLVED ♪
♪ CH-CH-CH-CHIP
'N' DALE ♪
♪ RESCUE RANGERS ♪
♪ CH-CH-CH-CHIP
'N' DALE ♪
♪ WHEN THERE'S DANGER ♪
♪ NO, NO, IT NEVER FAILS ♪
♪ THEY'LL TAKE THE CLUES ♪
♪ AND FIND THE WHERES
AND WHYS AND WHOS ♪
♪ CH-CH-CH-CHIP
'N' DALE ♪
♪ RESCUE RANGERS ♪
♪ CH-CH-CH-CHIP
'N' DALE ♪
♪ WHEN THERE'S DANGER ♪
♪ CH-CH-CH-CHIP
'N' DALE ♪
POST CARD
FOR THE RESCUE RANGERS.
THAT'S US.
THANK YOU.
THEY SHOULD
CALL THESE POSTER CARDS,
NOT POST CARDS.
HEY, GANG, LOOKI!
SOMEBODY SENT US
A POSTER CARD.
WHO'S IT FROM?
CANINA LaFUR. LISTEN.
"HELLO, MY LITTLE DARLINGS.
"I'M FILMING ON LOCATION
IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY.
"YOU MUST COME AT ONCE.
I'M IN EXTREME DANGER.
"HELP! THEY'RE
TRYING TO KILL ME!
"SIGNED--
CANINA LaFUR,
STAR OF STAGE, SCREEN
AND OCCASIONAL DOG FOOD
COMMERCIAL."
POOR CANINA.
WE GOT TO HELP HER.
HOLD ON, PALLIES!
THE LAST TIME CANINA
SAID SHE WAS "IN DANGER,"
SHE LOST
HER TAP SHOES.
BUT, MONTY, THAT TURNED OUT
TO BE A BIG CASE.
ALL RIGHT,
BUT THIS BETTER NOT BE
A WILD POODLE CHASE.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
THE BORDER CROSSING
SHOULD BE DEAD AHEAD.
WELCOME
TO TAXIDERMIA, BUCKOS.
[CHIRPING STOPS]
HEY, LISTEN.
I DON'T HEAR
ANY MORE BIRDS.
AND YOU WON'T
BE HEARING ANY, EITHER.
ANIMALS DON'T
MAKE NOISE IN THIS COUNTRY.
-THEY'RE TOO AFRAID.
-AFRAID OF WHAT?
HUNTERS. THEY HAVE
LEGAL HUNTING HERE
ALL YEAR ROUND.
SO DO MOST PLACES.
YEAH, BUT HERE THE PREY
CHANGES BY THE HOUR.
ROUND HERE, GROUND-HOG DAY
TAKES ON NEW MEANING.
[GUNSHOT]
GUESS WHAT SEASON
IT IS NOW.
COME BACK HERE,
YOU RUNAWAY SOUP MIX!
[HICCUP]
WELL, WHAT DO YA KNOW?
IT'S WILD BILL HICCUP,
THE BEST HUNTER
IN THE WORLD.
IS IT MUCH FARTHER
TO CANINA'S STUDIO?
JUST A KANGAROO
SKIP AND A JUMP
UP THIS RIVER.
♪ I'VE GOT A BONE
TO PICK WITH YOU ♪
♪ ABOUT THE BONES
YOU PICK FOR ME ♪
♪ IF I'M
TRULY MAN'S BEST FRIEND ♪
♪ THEN FEED ME FOOD
THAT'S QUALITY ♪
♪ AND I SAY WOW
TO THE CHOW ♪
♪ THAT'S
IN BOWWOW CHOW ♪
♪ I SAY YAY,
HIP HOORAY ♪
♪ WHEN IT'S
IN MY TRAY ♪
♪ I SAY... ♪
HEY! HELP!
OH MY GOSH!
CANINA IS ABOUT
TO GET CANNED.
[CHIP AND DALE]
GRAB HOLD, CANINA!
CHIP, DALE,
THANK GOODNESS
YOU'RE HERE.
THE SET ALMOST
SAT ON ME.
YOU WEREN'T KIDDING
WHEN YOU SAID THEY WERE
TRYING TO KILL YOU.
WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING?
ONLY ONE MUTT
COULD BE SO CRUEL.
[ZSA ZSA] CANINA!
CANINA, DARLING.
IT WAS AWFUL.
HORRIBLE, DARLING.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
ARE YOU GOULASH?
YOU SHOULD SUE!
OH, I KNOW THEY SHOULDN'T
HAVE LET A STAR LIKE YOU
DO SUCH A DANGEROUS SCENE.
IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME
OUT THERE.
YOU'D LIKE THAT,
WOULDN'T YOU?
AHEM.
OH, EXCUSE ME.
THESE ARE MY FRIENDS,
THE RESCUE RANGERS.
THEY SAVED MY LIFE.
THANK YOU, DARLINGS.
THANK YOU.
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT I'D DO
IF ANYTHING HAPPENED
TO MISS LaFUR.
[MAN] ZSA ZSA,
ON THE SET!
HERE, GIRL!
[WHISTLES]
WELL, TIME FOR
ANOTHER TAKE.
BYE-BYE,
DARLINGS.
WHO'S THAT SWEET POOCH?
COME INTO MY DRESSING TRAILER,
AND I'LL TELL YOU.
SHE'S ZSA ZSA LABRADOR,
MY STAND-IN.
SHE'S THE ONE
TRYING TO KILL ME.
COME ON, NOW.
SEEMS LIKE A SWEET ENOUGH
POOCH TO ME.
THAT FALLING SET
WAS JUST AN ACCIDENT.
LISTEN HERE, AUSSIE-MOUSEY,
THAT WAS NO ACCIDENT,
AND NEITHER WERE
THE OTHER INCIDENTS.
WHAT ACCIDENT
INCIDENTS?
STRANGE THINGS
STARTED HAPPENING
ON THE FIRST DAY
OF REHEARSALS.
EXCUSE ME, MISS LaFUR.
I'M YOUR NEW STAND-IN.
I JUST WANTED TO STOP BY
AND TELL YOU I'VE ADMIRED YOU
SINCE I WAS THE RUNT
OF MY LITTER.
WHY, THANK YOU.
I'VE BEEN A FAN
FOR YEARS AND YEARS.
HOW SWEET.
-AND YEARS AND YEARS...
-OH, YOU'RE TOO KIND.
-AND YEARS...
-OK, I GET THE POINT.
SOME DAY, I HOPE TO BE
AS GOOD A ACTRESS AS YOU.
I'M GOING TO WORK LIKE A DOG
TO LEARN ALL YOUR
BRILLIANT TECHNIQUES.
WELL, YOU CAN TRY,
BUT WHAT I HAVE
ONLY COMES AROUND
ONCE IN A LIFETIME.
I PUT ON MY BEST
DIAMOND FLEA COLLAR
AND STARTED
FOR THE SET,
WHERE I WAS
DOING AN OCCASIONAL
DOG FOOD COMMERCIAL.
LET ME OUT!
I'M TRAPPED!
HELP!
IT WAS JUST LIKE
A MOVIE I DID YEARS AGO
CALLED WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO BABY GREAT DANE?
I PLAYED THIS DOG
IN A WHEELCHAIR, BLANCHE HUSKY,
WHOSE EVIL SISTER
KEPT HER TRAPPED UPSTAIRS.
OKAY, WE GET THE POINT.
JUST TELL US HOW YOU GOT OUT
OF YOUR DRESSING TRAILER.
WELL, MORTIMER, THE POINT OF
THE STORY ISN'T HOW I GOT OUT,
IT'S WHO LOCKED ME IN.
IT HAD TO BE ZSA ZSA.
SHE WAS THE LAST ONE TO LEAVE.
GOOD THING YOU'RE AN ACTRESS.
'CAUSE YOU COULD NEVER SELL
THAT FLIMSY STORY TO HOLLYWOOD.
I DON'T KNOW, MONTY.
WHAT ELSE HAPPENED, CANINA?
WELL, A FEW DAYS LATER,
I WAS DOING ANOTHER
OF THOSE OCCASIONAL
DOG FOOD COMMERCIAL, WHEN...
OKAY, CANINA GIRL,
I WANT YOU TO DANCE
UP THE STAIRS,
THEN LEAP ATOP
THE BOWWOW CHOW
DOG FOOD CAN.
-GOT IT?
-[ARF]
GOOD GIRL.
READY?
AND ACTION!
WELL, I WAS DOING
A MEAN FLAT-PAW CHAIN
WHEN SUDDENLY, SOMEONE
SHORT-CIRCUITED MY ACT.
AIEEBA! AIEEE!
YEOW!
OW! OUCH!
[CRASH!]
CANINA, ARE YOU
ALL RIGHT, GIRL?
OHH.
POOR, DARLING.
WHAT HAS HAPPENED?
THIS IS TRAGIC,
AWFUL, TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE.
YOU SHOULD SUE.
BUT, IN THE MEANTIME,
I'LL HAVE TO STAND IN
FOR YOU, DARLING.
I'M AFRAID
YOU'RE RIGHT, ZSA ZSA.
WE'LL HAVE TO LET YOU FILL IN
WHILE CANINA RECOVERS.
[GRRR]
NOW, NOW, NOW, NOW, CANINA,
YOU JUST RELAX.
VET!
WELL, I FIND IT SUSPICIOUS
THAT MY STAND-IN
WAS SO EAGER TO STAND IN.
YOU MUST HELP ME.
SHE'S OUT TO GET RID
OF ME. I KNOW IT.
NO, I'M OUT TO GET YOU
FOR DRAGGING ME
HALFWAY AROUND THE WORLD
FOR NO GOOD REASON.
IT WAS PROBABLY
JUST BAD WIRING ON THE SET.
[GADGET]
NOW WAIT, MONTEREY,
IF ZSA ZSA IS UP TO SOMETHING,
WE'D BETTER FIND OUT.
[ALL SCREAMING]
SO LONG, DEARIE.
IT'S ZSA ZSA AGAIN.
[ALL] WHOA!
HEY! COME BACK
WITH THAT DRESSING TRAILER!
CANINA LaFUR'S
BEING DOGNAPPED!
I'VE NEVER DONE
A CHASE SCENE.
QUICK, WHERE'S MY STAND-IN?
WAIT. IT'S MY STAND-IN
WHO DID ME IN.
I'LL HAVE US LOOSE
IN TWO SHAKES OF A SHEEPSHANK.
UP, MATEYS! UP!
-LET ME--
-WHOA!
-WHOA!
-[ALL SCREAM]
OH, NO! CANINA, SHE'S MADE
THE BIG FADE-OUT.
[ARF ARF]
CANINA, YOU'RE
ALL RIGHT.
I THOUGHT
WE'D LOST YOU.
YOU HAVE, DARLING,
FOR GOOD.
WELL, MONTAGUE,
NOW DO YOU BELIEVE
SHE'S AFTER ME?
MONTEREY!
MONTEREY!
WE'D BETTER GET BACK
TO THE STUDIO.
WHO KNOWS WHAT THAT
CONNIVING CUR IS UP TO.
[GUNSHOT]
[CAT HISSES]
HERE, KITTY-KITTY.
LOOKS LIKE IT'S
CAT-HUNTING SEASON.
I'M STARTING
TO LIKE THIS COUNTRY.
WHAT SAY JOIN THE HUNT?
AFTER WE SAVE
MY CAREER.
[PANTING]
OH DEAR, MY DOGS
ARE KILLING ME.
ALL MY YEARS AS A HOOFER
NEVER PREPARED ME
FOR SUCH A LONG WALK.
LOOK AT THIS.
EVERYONE'S GONE.
OH NO, THE CREW MUST HAVE
FINISHED THE COMMERCIAL
AND LEFT.
LET'S GET TO THE AIRPORT!
MAYBE THEY'RE STILL THERE!
OH, NO, THAT'S IT.
THE PRIVATE STUDIO AIRPLANE.
THEY ARE LEAVING
WITHOUT ME.
[IN CANINA'S VOICE]
I, CANINA LaFUR,
THANK THE ACADEMY
AND ALL
THE LITTLE POOCHES
WHO HELPED ME WIN
THIS LASSIE AWARD
FOR BEST
DOG FOOD COMMERCIAL
OF THE YEAR.
[NORMAL VOICE]
YES, THAT'S WHAT I'LL SAY
WHEN I GET WHAT SHOULD BE MINE.
HOLD IT, MUTT!
NOBODY'S ACCEPTING
MY AWARD BUT ME.
[IN CANINA'S VOICE]
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
I'M CANINA LaFUR.
I GOT TO THE TOP
BY STEPPING ON
BIGGER LITTLE MUTTS
THAN YOU.
[DOGS GROWLING]
[DOGS FIGHTING]
LADIES, PLEASE.
BREAK IT UP.
ALL RIGHT,
IF YOU WON'T BREAK IT UP,
AT LEAST LET ME JOIN THE FUN.
[BOTH SCREAM]
OUT OF MY WAY, RAT.
WHERE YOU GOING?
TO CATCH
THE NEXT PLANE.
THIS IS TAXIDERMIA, LOVE.
THAT WAS
THE NEXT PLANE.
[GUNSHOT]
CRIKEY!
WHAT WAS THAT?
AN AGGRESSIVE
AUTOGRAPH HOUND?
RUN!
HOT DIGGITY!
THERE'S A PRETTY
LITTLE POOCH NOW.
I LOVE THIS COUNTRY.
FANS ARE FANATIC
THESE DAYS.
HE'S NO FAN, MISSY.
LOOK THERE. IT'S
DOG HUNTING SEASON.
AW, POOR POOCHIES.
LUCKY FOR ME
I'M A STAR.
[GUNSHOT]
TELL THAT TO
BURPING BULLETS BILL.
COME ON, LET'S GET OUTTA HERE.
IF I RECALL, MOUSE HUNTING
SEASON'S NEXT.
YEE-HAW!
A CHASE!
[HICCUP]
QUICK, IN HERE.
THIS RICKETY OLD THING?
SURELY YOU JEST.
MAYBE YOU'D LIKE ME
TO BOOK YOU ON A LUXURY LINER.
OH, WOULD YOU, DEAR?
WELL, DON'T JUST
STAND THERE,
CAST OFF.
MICKEY, DOES THIS RIVER
LEAD OUT OF TAXIDERMIA?
YES, AND FOR THE LAST TIME,
MY NAME IS MONTEREY JACK.
MY FRIENDS
CALL ME MONTY.
YOU CAN CALL ME--
I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE,
JUST GET ME OUT
OF THIS WRETCHED PLACE.
IT'S CANINA LaFUR!
TELL US, MISS LaFUR,
ARE YOU NERVOUS
ABOUT TONIGHT'S
LASSIE AWARD
FOR BEST DOG FOOD
COMMERCIAL?
[WOOF WOOF]
SHE'S VERY EXCITED.
NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE HER.
CANINA MUST GET HOME AND GET
GROOMED FOR THE CEREMONY.
OH, RODENTS!
WHAT A DIRTY, ROTTEN TRICK
THAT ZSA ZSA PULLED,
LOCKING US IN HERE.
WE'VE GOT TO STOP HER
FROM GETTING CANINA'S AWARD.
HURRY, BEFORE
SHE GETS AWAY.
PISTACHIO!
WHY ARE YOU
SLOWING DOWN?
WELL, NOW THAT
WE LOST WILD BILL.
IT'S TIME
FOR A CHEESE BREAK.
I'LL BREAK YOUR CHUBBY NECK
IF YOU DON'T GET ME
OUT OF HERE NOW.
WE'RE NOT GOING
ANYWHERE, GIRLIE.
WE'LL HIDE OUT
TILL DOG HUNTING
SEASON'S OVER.
WHAT? BUT THE LASSIE AWARDS
ARE TONIGHT.
WHICH WOULD YOU
RATHER HAVE--
A LOUSY AWARD,
OR YOUR HEAD MOUNTED
ON WILD BILL'S DRAWING
ROOM WALL?
MY LOUSY AWARD!
WHOA!
I HAVEN'T BEEN
DOING THESE OCCASIONAL
DOG FOOD COMMERCIALS
TIME AND TIME AGAIN
FOR NOTHING.
I'M GOING FOR THE GOLD.
OH, DEAR,
WHICH WAY TO GO?
WHERE'S MY AGENT
TO HELP WITH DECISIONS
AT TIMES LIKE THIS?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHY DID YOU TURN RIGHT?
I ALWAYS EXIT
STAGE RIGHT.
IT SHOWS MY BEST SIDE.
BUT WE'RE GOING DOWN
THE WRONG RIVER.
WHAT? YOU MEAN
THIS WON'T TAKE ME HOME?
IT'LL GET YOU HOME, ALL RIGHT--
IN 26 PIECES.
THIS IS THE AMAZING RIVER.
NO ONE'S EVER
SURVIVED IT.
UH-OH. YOUR FAN CLUB
FOUND US AGAIN.
YEE-HAW! I'M GOING TO
PISTOL POP A POOCH,
OR MY NAME ISN'T
WILD BILL-- [HICCUP]
THERE'S NO
TURNING BACK NOW.
BUT YOU'VE GOT TO TURN BACK.
MY CAREER IS AT STAKE.
WHERE'D
THE HAPPY HUNTER GO?
I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T HEAR ANYTHING
BUT THE RIVER.
ARE YOU SURE
THAT'S THE RIVER?
I REMEMBER THAT SOUND
FROM A MOVIE I ONCE DID.
IT WAS ONE FELL OVER
THE CUCKOO'S--
[BOTH SCREAM]
CRIKEY! HUMPTY DUMPTY NEVER
TOOK SUCH A FALL.
ARE YOU OK?
OH, I'M-- I'M FINE.
I'VE NEVER DONE
MY OWN STUNTS BEFORE.
IN FACT, I THINK
THE STUNT MUTTS OF AMERICA
ARE VASTLY OVERPAID.
WELL, I'M IN BETTER SHAPE
THAN THIS BOAT IS, THOUGH.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO FIX IT.
CAN'T.
SHE'S A GONER.
THEN WOULD YOU MIND
HAILING ME A CAB?
THIS ISN'T TINSELTOWN, MISSY.
I GUESS I WON'T
GET BACK IN TIME
FOR MY LASSIE AWARD.
GUESS NOT.
I'LL NEVER
KNOW THE THRILL
OF RECEIVING
THE HIGHEST AWARD GIVEN
TO MAN'S BEST FRIEND.
I'D LIKE TO HELP,
REALLY, BUT I CAN'T.
I ONLY HOPE MY FANS AREN'T
AS DISAPPOINTED AS I AM.
[CRYING]
ALL RIGHT,
I'LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO.
FINE. I'LL BE
OVER HERE PRIMPING.
CALL ME WHEN IT'S READY.
YAH!
WELL, I'M NO GADGET,
BUT THIS IS THE BEST I CAN DO.
WE CAN LEAVE AS SOON
AS YOU'RE FINISHED PRIMPING.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME.
I CAN PRIMP WHILE YOU DRIVE.
NOT THIS TIME.
THE MOTOR'S SHOT.
WE'LL HAVE TO PADDLE
OUR WAY BACK HOME.
ME? ROW A BOAT?
MY DEAR SIR, YOU FORGET
THAT I AM A STAR!
HOW MUCH MORE
DO I HAVE TO SUFFER
FOR MY ART?
HOW MUCH FURTHER
TO THE BOARDER, MARTIN?
SHOULD BE RIGHT AROUND
THE NEXT BEND.
HALLELUJAH, HOLLYWOOD!
I BETTER PRACTICE
MY ACCEPTANCE SPEECH.
WHAT ARE WE
GOING TO DO, MANDANGO?
DON'T ASK ME.
-[GUNSHOTS]
-FASTER, MARTIN, FASTER.
THERE'S THE BORDER
CROSSING.
I DON'T THINK
WE CAN OUTRUN HIM.
WAIT. I DO HAVE A IDEA.
SOMETHING I DID
ONCE IN THE MOVIE
THOROUGHLY MODERN COLLIE.
HASN'T YOUR CAREER GOTTEN US
IN ENOUGH TROUBLE ALREADY?
OH, PIPE DOWN, AND GET
MY OSCAR READY.
[GUNSHOT]
AH! HE GOT ME!
OHH! AHH!
OH, AH, OH,
THE PAIN!
THE SUFFERING!
THE BAD ACTING.
EVERYONE'S A CRITIC.
WELL, SLAP MY CHAPS!
GOT ME A PUNY ONE.
AAH!
YOU SAVED US, CANINA.
MOVE IT, MAXWELL.
FOR A SHOW BIZ MUTT,
YOU'RE A PRETTY SMART COOKIE.
WHY, THANK YOU.
IN FACT, SEEING WHAT YOU
JUST DID REMINDED ME.
I SAW THAT MOVIE
OF YOU WERE IN.
YOU WERE GOOD.
DOES THIS MEAN
YOU'RE MY FAN?
OH, I SUPPOSE IT MEANS
I'VE BEEN A FAN OF YOURS
FOR YEARS AND YEARS...
HOW KIND.
-AND YEARS AND YEARS...
-YES, HOW SWEET.
-AND YEARS.
-WHY DON'T WE STOP WHILE
WE STILL LIKE EACH OTHER.
TOO RIGHT! LET'S GO
GET YOUR LASSIE AWARD, LUV.
WOWSERS! CANINA'S GOT
QUITE A PLACE.
I WOULDN'T MIND
BEING SENT TO THE DOG HOUSE
IF IT LOOKED LIKE THIS.
-[BOTH]
-[CHIP] WE CAN GET IN THERE.
WHAT ABSOLUTELY
GORGEOUS COLLARS!
HOW WILL I DECIDE?
MAYBE THIS ONE
FROM POOCHIE GUCCI.
THERE'S ZSA ZSA'S WIG!
IF WE TAKE IT, ZSA ZSA
WON'T BE ABLE TO LOOK
LIKE CANINA.
OR THIS ONE FROM
BARKER AND BARKER
OF BEVERLY HILLS.
HEY, COME BACK HAIR--
UH, HERE!
[CHIP]
RUN, GADGET, RUN!
STOP! HOW DARE YOU STEAL
WHAT I STOLE FIRST!
YOU MISERABLE
RODENTS!
[MAN]
WELCOME, LADIES, GENTLEMEN,
AND MAN'S BEST FRIENDS,
TO THE SEVENTH ANNUAL
LASSIE AWARDS.
FOR BEST PERFORMANCE BY A DOG
ON STAGE, SCREEN, OR OCCASIONAL
DOG FOOD COMMERCIAL,
THE WINNER IS...
CANINA LaFUR!
WE'RE TOO LATE.
IF ONLY WE COULD'VE GOTTEN
OUT OF THAT BOX, SOONER!
[IN CANINA'S VOICE]
OH, THANK YOU.
FIRST I STOLE
YOUR HEARTS.
NOW THIS.
[BARKING]
HOLD IT, HOUND DOG!
[ALL GASP]
TWO CANINAS!
THAT'S MY LASSIE,
YOU BACK-STABBING
BARKER!
[NORMAL VOICE]
I THOUGHT YOU'D BE MOUNTED
ON A MANTEL BY NOW.
-NO, IT'S MINE!
-GIVE IT TO ME!
YOU COULDN'T ACT
YOUR WAY OUT OF THE DOG POUND!
I HAVEN'T BEEN
TREATED SO BADLY
SINCE I WAS
BATTERED BY THAT GORGEOUS
BEVERLY HILLS DOGCATCHER.
[ALL GASP]
[YELP YELP YELP]
I WOULD LIKE TO THANK
ALL MY FANS
WHO FOLLOWED ME
FOR YEARS AND YEARS
AND YEARS AND--
WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT AM I SAYING?
[BARKING]
I TOLD THESE DOGS
TO KEEP THEIR ACCEPTANCE BARKS
DOWN TO 30 SECONDS.
BUT I'D ESPECIALLY
LIKE TO THANK
SOMEONE VERY DEAR TO ME.
IF IT WEREN'T FOR HIM,
I WOULDN'T BE HERE NOW.
MY WONDERFUL
LITTLE MOUSE FRIEND,
MONTGOMERY JACK!
-[APPLAUSE]
-THAT'S MONTEREY!
MONTEREY!
OOH! CAN'T SHE EVER
LEARN HER LINES?
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
♪ SOMETIMES
SOME CRIMES ♪
♪ GO SLIPPIN'
THROUGH THE CRACKS ♪
♪ BUT THESE TWO
GUMSHOES ♪
♪ ARE PICKIN' UP
THE SLACK ♪
♪ THERE'S NO CASE TOO BIG ♪
♪ NO CASE TOO SMALL ♪
♪ WHEN YOU NEED HELP,
JUST CALL ♪
♪ CH-CH-CH-CHIP
'N' DALE'S ♪
♪ RESCUE RANGERS ♪
♪ CH-CH-CH-CHIP
'N' DALE ♪
♪ WHEN THERE'S DANGER ♪
♪ NO, NO, IT NEVER FAILS ♪
♪ ONCE THEY'RE INVOLVED ♪
♪ SOMEHOW WHATEVER'S WRONG
GETS SOLVED ♪
♪ CH-CH-CH-CHIP
'N' DALE ♪
♪ RESCUE RANGERS ♪
♪ CH-CH-CH-CHIP
'N' DALE ♪
♪ WHEN THERE'S DANGER ♪
♪ NO, NO, IT NEVER FAILS ♪
♪ THEY'LL TAKE THE CLUES ♪
♪ AND FIND THE WHERES
AND WHYS AND WHOS ♪
♪ CH-CH-CH-CHIP
'N' DALE ♪
♪ RESCUE RANGERS ♪
♪ CH-CH-CH-CHIP
'N' DALE ♪
♪ WHEN THERE'S DANGER ♪
♪ CH-CH-CH-CHIP
'N' DALE ♪
POST CARD
FOR THE RESCUE RANGERS.
THAT'S US.
THANK YOU.
THEY SHOULD
CALL THESE POSTER CARDS,
NOT POST CARDS.
HEY, GANG, LOOKI!
SOMEBODY SENT US
A POSTER CARD.
WHO'S IT FROM?
CANINA LaFUR. LISTEN.
"HELLO, MY LITTLE DARLINGS.
"I'M FILMING ON LOCATION
IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY.
"YOU MUST COME AT ONCE.
I'M IN EXTREME DANGER.
"HELP! THEY'RE
TRYING TO KILL ME!
"SIGNED--
CANINA LaFUR,
STAR OF STAGE, SCREEN
AND OCCASIONAL DOG FOOD
COMMERCIAL."
POOR CANINA.
WE GOT TO HELP HER.
HOLD ON, PALLIES!
THE LAST TIME CANINA
SAID SHE WAS "IN DANGER,"
SHE LOST
HER TAP SHOES.
BUT, MONTY, THAT TURNED OUT
TO BE A BIG CASE.
ALL RIGHT,
BUT THIS BETTER NOT BE
A WILD POODLE CHASE.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
THE BORDER CROSSING
SHOULD BE DEAD AHEAD.
WELCOME
TO TAXIDERMIA, BUCKOS.
[CHIRPING STOPS]
HEY, LISTEN.
I DON'T HEAR
ANY MORE BIRDS.
AND YOU WON'T
BE HEARING ANY, EITHER.
ANIMALS DON'T
MAKE NOISE IN THIS COUNTRY.
-THEY'RE TOO AFRAID.
-AFRAID OF WHAT?
HUNTERS. THEY HAVE
LEGAL HUNTING HERE
ALL YEAR ROUND.
SO DO MOST PLACES.
YEAH, BUT HERE THE PREY
CHANGES BY THE HOUR.
ROUND HERE, GROUND-HOG DAY
TAKES ON NEW MEANING.
[GUNSHOT]
GUESS WHAT SEASON
IT IS NOW.
COME BACK HERE,
YOU RUNAWAY SOUP MIX!
[HICCUP]
WELL, WHAT DO YA KNOW?
IT'S WILD BILL HICCUP,
THE BEST HUNTER
IN THE WORLD.
IS IT MUCH FARTHER
TO CANINA'S STUDIO?
JUST A KANGAROO
SKIP AND A JUMP
UP THIS RIVER.
♪ I'VE GOT A BONE
TO PICK WITH YOU ♪
♪ ABOUT THE BONES
YOU PICK FOR ME ♪
♪ IF I'M
TRULY MAN'S BEST FRIEND ♪
♪ THEN FEED ME FOOD
THAT'S QUALITY ♪
♪ AND I SAY WOW
TO THE CHOW ♪
♪ THAT'S
IN BOWWOW CHOW ♪
♪ I SAY YAY,
HIP HOORAY ♪
♪ WHEN IT'S
IN MY TRAY ♪
♪ I SAY... ♪
HEY! HELP!
OH MY GOSH!
CANINA IS ABOUT
TO GET CANNED.
[CHIP AND DALE]
GRAB HOLD, CANINA!
CHIP, DALE,
THANK GOODNESS
YOU'RE HERE.
THE SET ALMOST
SAT ON ME.
YOU WEREN'T KIDDING
WHEN YOU SAID THEY WERE
TRYING TO KILL YOU.
WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING?
ONLY ONE MUTT
COULD BE SO CRUEL.
[ZSA ZSA] CANINA!
CANINA, DARLING.
IT WAS AWFUL.
HORRIBLE, DARLING.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
ARE YOU GOULASH?
YOU SHOULD SUE!
OH, I KNOW THEY SHOULDN'T
HAVE LET A STAR LIKE YOU
DO SUCH A DANGEROUS SCENE.
IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME
OUT THERE.
YOU'D LIKE THAT,
WOULDN'T YOU?
AHEM.
OH, EXCUSE ME.
THESE ARE MY FRIENDS,
THE RESCUE RANGERS.
THEY SAVED MY LIFE.
THANK YOU, DARLINGS.
THANK YOU.
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT I'D DO
IF ANYTHING HAPPENED
TO MISS LaFUR.
[MAN] ZSA ZSA,
ON THE SET!
HERE, GIRL!
[WHISTLES]
WELL, TIME FOR
ANOTHER TAKE.
BYE-BYE,
DARLINGS.
WHO'S THAT SWEET POOCH?
COME INTO MY DRESSING TRAILER,
AND I'LL TELL YOU.
SHE'S ZSA ZSA LABRADOR,
MY STAND-IN.
SHE'S THE ONE
TRYING TO KILL ME.
COME ON, NOW.
SEEMS LIKE A SWEET ENOUGH
POOCH TO ME.
THAT FALLING SET
WAS JUST AN ACCIDENT.
LISTEN HERE, AUSSIE-MOUSEY,
THAT WAS NO ACCIDENT,
AND NEITHER WERE
THE OTHER INCIDENTS.
WHAT ACCIDENT
INCIDENTS?
STRANGE THINGS
STARTED HAPPENING
ON THE FIRST DAY
OF REHEARSALS.
EXCUSE ME, MISS LaFUR.
I'M YOUR NEW STAND-IN.
I JUST WANTED TO STOP BY
AND TELL YOU I'VE ADMIRED YOU
SINCE I WAS THE RUNT
OF MY LITTER.
WHY, THANK YOU.
I'VE BEEN A FAN
FOR YEARS AND YEARS.
HOW SWEET.
-AND YEARS AND YEARS...
-OH, YOU'RE TOO KIND.
-AND YEARS...
-OK, I GET THE POINT.
SOME DAY, I HOPE TO BE
AS GOOD A ACTRESS AS YOU.
I'M GOING TO WORK LIKE A DOG
TO LEARN ALL YOUR
BRILLIANT TECHNIQUES.
WELL, YOU CAN TRY,
BUT WHAT I HAVE
ONLY COMES AROUND
ONCE IN A LIFETIME.
I PUT ON MY BEST
DIAMOND FLEA COLLAR
AND STARTED
FOR THE SET,
WHERE I WAS
DOING AN OCCASIONAL
DOG FOOD COMMERCIAL.
LET ME OUT!
I'M TRAPPED!
HELP!
IT WAS JUST LIKE
A MOVIE I DID YEARS AGO
CALLED WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO BABY GREAT DANE?
I PLAYED THIS DOG
IN A WHEELCHAIR, BLANCHE HUSKY,
WHOSE EVIL SISTER
KEPT HER TRAPPED UPSTAIRS.
OKAY, WE GET THE POINT.
JUST TELL US HOW YOU GOT OUT
OF YOUR DRESSING TRAILER.
WELL, MORTIMER, THE POINT OF
THE STORY ISN'T HOW I GOT OUT,
IT'S WHO LOCKED ME IN.
IT HAD TO BE ZSA ZSA.
SHE WAS THE LAST ONE TO LEAVE.
GOOD THING YOU'RE AN ACTRESS.
'CAUSE YOU COULD NEVER SELL
THAT FLIMSY STORY TO HOLLYWOOD.
I DON'T KNOW, MONTY.
WHAT ELSE HAPPENED, CANINA?
WELL, A FEW DAYS LATER,
I WAS DOING ANOTHER
OF THOSE OCCASIONAL
DOG FOOD COMMERCIAL, WHEN...
OKAY, CANINA GIRL,
I WANT YOU TO DANCE
UP THE STAIRS,
THEN LEAP ATOP
THE BOWWOW CHOW
DOG FOOD CAN.
-GOT IT?
-[ARF]
GOOD GIRL.
READY?
AND ACTION!
WELL, I WAS DOING
A MEAN FLAT-PAW CHAIN
WHEN SUDDENLY, SOMEONE
SHORT-CIRCUITED MY ACT.
AIEEBA! AIEEE!
YEOW!
OW! OUCH!
[CRASH!]
CANINA, ARE YOU
ALL RIGHT, GIRL?
OHH.
POOR, DARLING.
WHAT HAS HAPPENED?
THIS IS TRAGIC,
AWFUL, TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE.
YOU SHOULD SUE.
BUT, IN THE MEANTIME,
I'LL HAVE TO STAND IN
FOR YOU, DARLING.
I'M AFRAID
YOU'RE RIGHT, ZSA ZSA.
WE'LL HAVE TO LET YOU FILL IN
WHILE CANINA RECOVERS.
[GRRR]
NOW, NOW, NOW, NOW, CANINA,
YOU JUST RELAX.
VET!
WELL, I FIND IT SUSPICIOUS
THAT MY STAND-IN
WAS SO EAGER TO STAND IN.
YOU MUST HELP ME.
SHE'S OUT TO GET RID
OF ME. I KNOW IT.
NO, I'M OUT TO GET YOU
FOR DRAGGING ME
HALFWAY AROUND THE WORLD
FOR NO GOOD REASON.
IT WAS PROBABLY
JUST BAD WIRING ON THE SET.
[GADGET]
NOW WAIT, MONTEREY,
IF ZSA ZSA IS UP TO SOMETHING,
WE'D BETTER FIND OUT.
[ALL SCREAMING]
SO LONG, DEARIE.
IT'S ZSA ZSA AGAIN.
[ALL] WHOA!
HEY! COME BACK
WITH THAT DRESSING TRAILER!
CANINA LaFUR'S
BEING DOGNAPPED!
I'VE NEVER DONE
A CHASE SCENE.
QUICK, WHERE'S MY STAND-IN?
WAIT. IT'S MY STAND-IN
WHO DID ME IN.
I'LL HAVE US LOOSE
IN TWO SHAKES OF A SHEEPSHANK.
UP, MATEYS! UP!
-LET ME--
-WHOA!
-WHOA!
-[ALL SCREAM]
OH, NO! CANINA, SHE'S MADE
THE BIG FADE-OUT.
[ARF ARF]
CANINA, YOU'RE
ALL RIGHT.
I THOUGHT
WE'D LOST YOU.
YOU HAVE, DARLING,
FOR GOOD.
WELL, MONTAGUE,
NOW DO YOU BELIEVE
SHE'S AFTER ME?
MONTEREY!
MONTEREY!
WE'D BETTER GET BACK
TO THE STUDIO.
WHO KNOWS WHAT THAT
CONNIVING CUR IS UP TO.
[GUNSHOT]
[CAT HISSES]
HERE, KITTY-KITTY.
LOOKS LIKE IT'S
CAT-HUNTING SEASON.
I'M STARTING
TO LIKE THIS COUNTRY.
WHAT SAY JOIN THE HUNT?
AFTER WE SAVE
MY CAREER.
[PANTING]
OH DEAR, MY DOGS
ARE KILLING ME.
ALL MY YEARS AS A HOOFER
NEVER PREPARED ME
FOR SUCH A LONG WALK.
LOOK AT THIS.
EVERYONE'S GONE.
OH NO, THE CREW MUST HAVE
FINISHED THE COMMERCIAL
AND LEFT.
LET'S GET TO THE AIRPORT!
MAYBE THEY'RE STILL THERE!
OH, NO, THAT'S IT.
THE PRIVATE STUDIO AIRPLANE.
THEY ARE LEAVING
WITHOUT ME.
[IN CANINA'S VOICE]
I, CANINA LaFUR,
THANK THE ACADEMY
AND ALL
THE LITTLE POOCHES
WHO HELPED ME WIN
THIS LASSIE AWARD
FOR BEST
DOG FOOD COMMERCIAL
OF THE YEAR.
[NORMAL VOICE]
YES, THAT'S WHAT I'LL SAY
WHEN I GET WHAT SHOULD BE MINE.
HOLD IT, MUTT!
NOBODY'S ACCEPTING
MY AWARD BUT ME.
[IN CANINA'S VOICE]
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
I'M CANINA LaFUR.
I GOT TO THE TOP
BY STEPPING ON
BIGGER LITTLE MUTTS
THAN YOU.
[DOGS GROWLING]
[DOGS FIGHTING]
LADIES, PLEASE.
BREAK IT UP.
ALL RIGHT,
IF YOU WON'T BREAK IT UP,
AT LEAST LET ME JOIN THE FUN.
[BOTH SCREAM]
OUT OF MY WAY, RAT.
WHERE YOU GOING?
TO CATCH
THE NEXT PLANE.
THIS IS TAXIDERMIA, LOVE.
THAT WAS
THE NEXT PLANE.
[GUNSHOT]
CRIKEY!
WHAT WAS THAT?
AN AGGRESSIVE
AUTOGRAPH HOUND?
RUN!
HOT DIGGITY!
THERE'S A PRETTY
LITTLE POOCH NOW.
I LOVE THIS COUNTRY.
FANS ARE FANATIC
THESE DAYS.
HE'S NO FAN, MISSY.
LOOK THERE. IT'S
DOG HUNTING SEASON.
AW, POOR POOCHIES.
LUCKY FOR ME
I'M A STAR.
[GUNSHOT]
TELL THAT TO
BURPING BULLETS BILL.
COME ON, LET'S GET OUTTA HERE.
IF I RECALL, MOUSE HUNTING
SEASON'S NEXT.
YEE-HAW!
A CHASE!
[HICCUP]
QUICK, IN HERE.
THIS RICKETY OLD THING?
SURELY YOU JEST.
MAYBE YOU'D LIKE ME
TO BOOK YOU ON A LUXURY LINER.
OH, WOULD YOU, DEAR?
WELL, DON'T JUST
STAND THERE,
CAST OFF.
MICKEY, DOES THIS RIVER
LEAD OUT OF TAXIDERMIA?
YES, AND FOR THE LAST TIME,
MY NAME IS MONTEREY JACK.
MY FRIENDS
CALL ME MONTY.
YOU CAN CALL ME--
I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE,
JUST GET ME OUT
OF THIS WRETCHED PLACE.
IT'S CANINA LaFUR!
TELL US, MISS LaFUR,
ARE YOU NERVOUS
ABOUT TONIGHT'S
LASSIE AWARD
FOR BEST DOG FOOD
COMMERCIAL?
[WOOF WOOF]
SHE'S VERY EXCITED.
NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE HER.
CANINA MUST GET HOME AND GET
GROOMED FOR THE CEREMONY.
OH, RODENTS!
WHAT A DIRTY, ROTTEN TRICK
THAT ZSA ZSA PULLED,
LOCKING US IN HERE.
WE'VE GOT TO STOP HER
FROM GETTING CANINA'S AWARD.
HURRY, BEFORE
SHE GETS AWAY.
PISTACHIO!
WHY ARE YOU
SLOWING DOWN?
WELL, NOW THAT
WE LOST WILD BILL.
IT'S TIME
FOR A CHEESE BREAK.
I'LL BREAK YOUR CHUBBY NECK
IF YOU DON'T GET ME
OUT OF HERE NOW.
WE'RE NOT GOING
ANYWHERE, GIRLIE.
WE'LL HIDE OUT
TILL DOG HUNTING
SEASON'S OVER.
WHAT? BUT THE LASSIE AWARDS
ARE TONIGHT.
WHICH WOULD YOU
RATHER HAVE--
A LOUSY AWARD,
OR YOUR HEAD MOUNTED
ON WILD BILL'S DRAWING
ROOM WALL?
MY LOUSY AWARD!
WHOA!
I HAVEN'T BEEN
DOING THESE OCCASIONAL
DOG FOOD COMMERCIALS
TIME AND TIME AGAIN
FOR NOTHING.
I'M GOING FOR THE GOLD.
OH, DEAR,
WHICH WAY TO GO?
WHERE'S MY AGENT
TO HELP WITH DECISIONS
AT TIMES LIKE THIS?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHY DID YOU TURN RIGHT?
I ALWAYS EXIT
STAGE RIGHT.
IT SHOWS MY BEST SIDE.
BUT WE'RE GOING DOWN
THE WRONG RIVER.
WHAT? YOU MEAN
THIS WON'T TAKE ME HOME?
IT'LL GET YOU HOME, ALL RIGHT--
IN 26 PIECES.
THIS IS THE AMAZING RIVER.
NO ONE'S EVER
SURVIVED IT.
UH-OH. YOUR FAN CLUB
FOUND US AGAIN.
YEE-HAW! I'M GOING TO
PISTOL POP A POOCH,
OR MY NAME ISN'T
WILD BILL-- [HICCUP]
THERE'S NO
TURNING BACK NOW.
BUT YOU'VE GOT TO TURN BACK.
MY CAREER IS AT STAKE.
WHERE'D
THE HAPPY HUNTER GO?
I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T HEAR ANYTHING
BUT THE RIVER.
ARE YOU SURE
THAT'S THE RIVER?
I REMEMBER THAT SOUND
FROM A MOVIE I ONCE DID.
IT WAS ONE FELL OVER
THE CUCKOO'S--
[BOTH SCREAM]
CRIKEY! HUMPTY DUMPTY NEVER
TOOK SUCH A FALL.
ARE YOU OK?
OH, I'M-- I'M FINE.
I'VE NEVER DONE
MY OWN STUNTS BEFORE.
IN FACT, I THINK
THE STUNT MUTTS OF AMERICA
ARE VASTLY OVERPAID.
WELL, I'M IN BETTER SHAPE
THAN THIS BOAT IS, THOUGH.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO FIX IT.
CAN'T.
SHE'S A GONER.
THEN WOULD YOU MIND
HAILING ME A CAB?
THIS ISN'T TINSELTOWN, MISSY.
I GUESS I WON'T
GET BACK IN TIME
FOR MY LASSIE AWARD.
GUESS NOT.
I'LL NEVER
KNOW THE THRILL
OF RECEIVING
THE HIGHEST AWARD GIVEN
TO MAN'S BEST FRIEND.
I'D LIKE TO HELP,
REALLY, BUT I CAN'T.
I ONLY HOPE MY FANS AREN'T
AS DISAPPOINTED AS I AM.
[CRYING]
ALL RIGHT,
I'LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO.
FINE. I'LL BE
OVER HERE PRIMPING.
CALL ME WHEN IT'S READY.
YAH!
WELL, I'M NO GADGET,
BUT THIS IS THE BEST I CAN DO.
WE CAN LEAVE AS SOON
AS YOU'RE FINISHED PRIMPING.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME.
I CAN PRIMP WHILE YOU DRIVE.
NOT THIS TIME.
THE MOTOR'S SHOT.
WE'LL HAVE TO PADDLE
OUR WAY BACK HOME.
ME? ROW A BOAT?
MY DEAR SIR, YOU FORGET
THAT I AM A STAR!
HOW MUCH MORE
DO I HAVE TO SUFFER
FOR MY ART?
HOW MUCH FURTHER
TO THE BOARDER, MARTIN?
SHOULD BE RIGHT AROUND
THE NEXT BEND.
HALLELUJAH, HOLLYWOOD!
I BETTER PRACTICE
MY ACCEPTANCE SPEECH.
WHAT ARE WE
GOING TO DO, MANDANGO?
DON'T ASK ME.
-[GUNSHOTS]
-FASTER, MARTIN, FASTER.
THERE'S THE BORDER
CROSSING.
I DON'T THINK
WE CAN OUTRUN HIM.
WAIT. I DO HAVE A IDEA.
SOMETHING I DID
ONCE IN THE MOVIE
THOROUGHLY MODERN COLLIE.
HASN'T YOUR CAREER GOTTEN US
IN ENOUGH TROUBLE ALREADY?
OH, PIPE DOWN, AND GET
MY OSCAR READY.
[GUNSHOT]
AH! HE GOT ME!
OHH! AHH!
OH, AH, OH,
THE PAIN!
THE SUFFERING!
THE BAD ACTING.
EVERYONE'S A CRITIC.
WELL, SLAP MY CHAPS!
GOT ME A PUNY ONE.
AAH!
YOU SAVED US, CANINA.
MOVE IT, MAXWELL.
FOR A SHOW BIZ MUTT,
YOU'RE A PRETTY SMART COOKIE.
WHY, THANK YOU.
IN FACT, SEEING WHAT YOU
JUST DID REMINDED ME.
I SAW THAT MOVIE
OF YOU WERE IN.
YOU WERE GOOD.
DOES THIS MEAN
YOU'RE MY FAN?
OH, I SUPPOSE IT MEANS
I'VE BEEN A FAN OF YOURS
FOR YEARS AND YEARS...
HOW KIND.
-AND YEARS AND YEARS...
-YES, HOW SWEET.
-AND YEARS.
-WHY DON'T WE STOP WHILE
WE STILL LIKE EACH OTHER.
TOO RIGHT! LET'S GO
GET YOUR LASSIE AWARD, LUV.
WOWSERS! CANINA'S GOT
QUITE A PLACE.
I WOULDN'T MIND
BEING SENT TO THE DOG HOUSE
IF IT LOOKED LIKE THIS.
-[BOTH]
-[CHIP] WE CAN GET IN THERE.
WHAT ABSOLUTELY
GORGEOUS COLLARS!
HOW WILL I DECIDE?
MAYBE THIS ONE
FROM POOCHIE GUCCI.
THERE'S ZSA ZSA'S WIG!
IF WE TAKE IT, ZSA ZSA
WON'T BE ABLE TO LOOK
LIKE CANINA.
OR THIS ONE FROM
BARKER AND BARKER
OF BEVERLY HILLS.
HEY, COME BACK HAIR--
UH, HERE!
[CHIP]
RUN, GADGET, RUN!
STOP! HOW DARE YOU STEAL
WHAT I STOLE FIRST!
YOU MISERABLE
RODENTS!
[MAN]
WELCOME, LADIES, GENTLEMEN,
AND MAN'S BEST FRIENDS,
TO THE SEVENTH ANNUAL
LASSIE AWARDS.
FOR BEST PERFORMANCE BY A DOG
ON STAGE, SCREEN, OR OCCASIONAL
DOG FOOD COMMERCIAL,
THE WINNER IS...
CANINA LaFUR!
WE'RE TOO LATE.
IF ONLY WE COULD'VE GOTTEN
OUT OF THAT BOX, SOONER!
[IN CANINA'S VOICE]
OH, THANK YOU.
FIRST I STOLE
YOUR HEARTS.
NOW THIS.
[BARKING]
HOLD IT, HOUND DOG!
[ALL GASP]
TWO CANINAS!
THAT'S MY LASSIE,
YOU BACK-STABBING
BARKER!
[NORMAL VOICE]
I THOUGHT YOU'D BE MOUNTED
ON A MANTEL BY NOW.
-NO, IT'S MINE!
-GIVE IT TO ME!
YOU COULDN'T ACT
YOUR WAY OUT OF THE DOG POUND!
I HAVEN'T BEEN
TREATED SO BADLY
SINCE I WAS
BATTERED BY THAT GORGEOUS
BEVERLY HILLS DOGCATCHER.
[ALL GASP]
[YELP YELP YELP]
I WOULD LIKE TO THANK
ALL MY FANS
WHO FOLLOWED ME
FOR YEARS AND YEARS
AND YEARS AND--
WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT AM I SAYING?
[BARKING]
I TOLD THESE DOGS
TO KEEP THEIR ACCEPTANCE BARKS
DOWN TO 30 SECONDS.
BUT I'D ESPECIALLY
LIKE TO THANK
SOMEONE VERY DEAR TO ME.
IF IT WEREN'T FOR HIM,
I WOULDN'T BE HERE NOW.
MY WONDERFUL
LITTLE MOUSE FRIEND,
MONTGOMERY JACK!
-[APPLAUSE]
-THAT'S MONTEREY!
MONTEREY!
OOH! CAN'T SHE EVER
LEARN HER LINES?