Chip 'n' Dale Rescue Rangers (1988–1990): Season 2, Episode 38 - Dirty Rotten Diapers - full transcript
Gadget decides the Rangers' crime solving involves too much violence.
♪♪
(THUNDER CRASHING)
(POLICE SIRENS WAILING)
♪ Sometimes some crimes
♪ Go slippin'
through the cracks
♪ But these two gumshoes
♪ Are pickin' up the slack
♪ There's no case too big,
no case too small
♪ When you need help,
just call
♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale's
♪ Rescue Rangers
♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale
♪ When there's danger
♪ No, no, it never fails
♪ 'Cause once
they're involved
♪ Somehow whatever's wrong
gets solved
♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale
♪ Rescue Rangers
♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale
♪ When there's danger
♪ No, no, it never fails
♪ They'll take the clues
♪ And find the wheres
and whys and whos
♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale
♪ Rescue Rangers
♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale
♪ When there's danger
♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale ♪
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
CHIP: Boy, what a case.
(LAUGHING) Yeah.
We sure whupped
those bad guys.
Too right, we did.
And nothin' like havin'
the bodily injuries
to prove it.
How can you say that,
Monty?
Easy.
Me mouth is the only thing
that doesn't hurt.
Golly!
From the looks of you guys,
it's hard to tell
who won and who lost.
All this violence is
getting out of hand.
ALL: But...
We Rangers need
to find a kinder,
gentler approach
to stopping crime.
I don't know, love.
That would take
all the fun
out of fightin'.
(GROANING)
Watch the shoulder, pally.
(SQUEAKING) Sorry.
But fighting
shouldn't be fun, Monty.
It should be
a last resort.
Oh, I get it.
Sort of like a secret weapon,
eh, Zipper?
(LAUGHING)
Well, what do you say, guys?
Could we give it a try?
Why not?
Couldn't hurt. Ow!
Oh, Chip.
I knew you'd see it my way.
(SIGHING)
Me, too. I see it
your way, too, Gadget.
Since when?
Since now.
Well, forget it!
You don't know
a plugged nickel
about kinder and gentler.
-I do, too!
-Do not!
-Do, too!
-Do not!
-Do, too!
-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah!
-Why, you!
(BOTH CLAMORING)
Huh.
Maybe what we need
is a little practice.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
But I don't get it,
Gadget.
What kind of big crimes
are gonna happen
in the park?
That's the point,
Dale.
We're going to practice
being kinder and gentler
on little crimes
and then work our way up.
(GASPING)
(SLURPING)
(SQUEAKING)
Hey!
That guy is littering.
Yeah. And littering's
against the law.
Too right, it is.
I'll trash that litterbug.
Hold it, Monty.
We're here
to practice
nonviolent means
of solving crimes,
remember?
Oh, right.
Party pooper.
Now, then, can anyone
think of a civilized
way of stopping him?
Nope. Sorry, love.
Guess I'll have to do it
the old-fashioned way.
Wait a minute.
I have an idea.
Somethin' tells me
my glory days are numbered.
Okay, Zipper.
Let 'er tip.
(SQUEAKING)
Aye, aye, sir.
WOMAN: Oh, how terrible.
-MAN: Litterbug.
-WOMAN: What a mess!
-MAN: Garbage!
-WOMAN: This is
a terrible mess.
Oh, no.
(LAUGHING)
Well done, Chip.
You were imaginative,
resourceful,
and best of all,
you didn't hurt anyone.
You get a gold star.
I can't believe it.
Chip's got five stars
and we've got nothing
but big, fat zeroes.
Not to worry, pally.
We'll even up the score.
(GASPS)
In fact, we can start
with that robbery below.
Looks like we've got
our biggest test
coming up, guys.
Kinder and
gentler Rangers, away!
So, Dale,
have any nonviolent plans
to stop these crooks?
I'll think of a gentle way
if I have to beat my head
against a wall.
What about you,
Monterey?
Me? Sure.
I've always got a plan.
We'll rush 'em,
then crush 'em!
And when we've got 'em
beggin' for mercy...
Oops.
What can I say?
Growin' up around kangaroos
makes you kind of punchy.
Don't worry, Rangers.
I've got another
brilliant idea.
(HISSING)
Now let's see
those crooks get away.
Gosh, Chip,
you're practically
pacifist-perfect.
Thank you, Gadget.
I think.
See, Dale,
this new approach is easy
if you just use your head.
Of course,
that does give you
a handicap.
I'll show you
a handicap.
(DOOR OPENING)
Look, Monrovia.
I stole the keys
to their car, too.
Ain't I smart?
Not as smart as I am.
I've already got it packed
and ready to go.
Nothin' like
a family vacation
without the family.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(RANGERS COUGHING)
So much for
using your head, Chip.
Why, you!
Not now, guys.
We've got company.
Golly, this is terrible.
They're about to find out
that they've been...
MOTHER AND FATHER: Robbed?
Oh, Harold.
Everything's gone,
even our refrigerator.
What'll we do?
We can't afford to replace
all our things.
I hate to say it, Alice,
but I'm afraid we'll have
to give up the baby.
Alice:
Our precious baby? No!
It's for his
own good, Alice.
We're wiped out. We can't afford
to give him a good home anymore.
Crikey. I've heard
of disposable diapers.
Where do you think
they'll take him?
I don't know,
but this looks like a job
for the Rescue Rangers.
Let's go.
Harold:
We have to give back
the baby we adopted.
See, we lost
everything we owned.
Oh no, not again.
That poor baby has
the worst luck.
You mean these robberies
have happened before?
Eh, once or twice perhaps.
13 to be exact.
Quiet, Pomona.
Say, there's something
kind of familiar
about those two.
I know.
They're the robbers.
You're right, Dale.
They must be using
that poor little baby
in some sort
of burglary scam.
We've got to save that baby
and make sure his next family
doesn't get robbed too.
(MONTEREY AND ZIPPER SNORING)
Woman: Come on, dear.
Let's go home with our new baby.
Wake up.
Huh? What?
I--I didn't touch the cheese.
Shh! The new parents.
Take good care
of baby Thaddeus.
Oh, don't worry.
I intend to give this child
everything I never had.
I'm sure you will.
(GIGGLING)
(ENGINE STARTING)
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
Good night,
darlingkins.
Sleep tighty-wighty.
And don't let
the crib bugs bite you.
(SLURPING)
(BABY GURGLING)
Ah.
This looks like the perfect
new home for baby Thaddeus.
I couldn't agree more.
Now can we go
fight some real crimes?
We will be.
I have a feeling
those crooks
from the adoption agency
will be here soon.
(SPUTTERING)
In the meantime, we'd better
keep an eye on baby
so he doesn't hurt himself.
(GRUNTING)
(ALL GASPING)
GADGET: We've got to stop him.
He'll make himself sick.
(SQUIRTING)
It's too late.
He is sick. He's rabid!
He's mad!
Mad baby! Mad baby!
It's only shaving cream,
you big dummy.
How do you know that,
Mr. Smarty Pants?
Because he's about to shave.
-Shave?
-Shave?
(DALE SCREAMS)
We gotta stop him
before he cuts himself.
Okay, Dale.
Go for it!
(CHIP SCREAMING)
Nice baby. Good baby.
Give Uncle Chipper
the nasty old razor.
Why, that little...
Chip!
I'm surprised at you.
He's only a baby.
Tsk, tsk, tsk, Chipper.
No stars for you this time.
You have a better idea?
As a matter of fact,
I have a special knack
when it comes to children.
Give me a lift.
(DALE SNICKERING)
(RATTLING)
GADGET:
We've got to save Dale.
That baby thinks
he's a plaything.
We'd better hurry.
(DALE SCREAMING)
Don't worry, Dale.
We'll have you out
of there in no time.
(ALL GASPING)
(RANGERS SCREAMING)
Don't worry, guys.
As long as he doesn't
figure out
how to turn on the furnace,
we're safe.
(FURNACE HUMMING)
Too bad baby's
a fast learner.
Looks like we're chipmunks
roasting on an open fire.
DALE: Help! Get us out!
I'm too young to roast!
Look on
the bright side, guys.
Monty's losing weight.
Gadget, love,
a little less cheeriness,
a little more speed.
I'm trying.
Mind if I give an assist?
Be my guest.
It's just a heater, love.
Violence doesn't count.
Come on,
let's get out of here
before baby finds
the air conditioning
switch next.
GADGET: There he goes.
After him.
Wait a minute.
I'm a Rescue Ranger,
not a bloomin' baby-sitter.
Monterey,
being a Rescue Ranger
is more than just exciting,
harrowing, narrow escapes
and outrageous fights
to the bitter end.
Since when?
Oh, no!
Look!
CHIP: Yikes!
Baby's in trouble again.
Hold your shirts,
mateys.
Last time
he trashed us,
remember?
Monterey's right.
How can we get that baby
back to his crib
without dragging him
by his diaper?
Maybe if we get his attention,
he'll follow us
back to the nursery.
Come on, Dale,
I have an idea.
We'll keep an eye
on the kid.
This should get
his attention.
That, or a spot on
The Gong Show.
-Down here.
Hey, sport, come on!
-Goo, goo, ga, ga.
(LAUGHING)
It's working.
(EXCLAIMS)
(BOTH SCREAMING)
(DOG BARKING)
DALE: Help! Ouch!
Now I know
how a cracked walnut feels.
-GADGET: Wait a second!
-MONTEREY: Hey, hey, hey...
-What are you doing?
-...hold on there!
(LAUGHING)
(WHIRRING)
(GRUNTING)
-(GURGLING)
-Patience, patience, everyone.
The baby's
probably going through
his terrible twos.
I vote we keep the brat
from ever reaching three.
See, that wasn't
so bad, guys.
We got clean, dried,
and, look, no water spots.
Gadget, love,
I think you've kindly,
gently, flipped your lid.
I quit this case.
(SQUEAKING)
Forget it, Zipper.
I don't care
if the baby is
playin' with a gun.
A gun?
(ALL GASPING)
Yo, girls.
Thaddeus here.
Sorry I took so long
to call but I, uh, had
a little rodent problem.
I staked out this joint
and it's loaded with goodies.
A burglar's paradise.
Whoa!
Something
about this kid stinks
and I don't mean
his diaper.
He's nothing
but a pint-sized crook.
No wonder all the homes
he's been placed in
have been robbed.
Let's put that kid
behind bars,
and I don't mean his crib.
No! Can't you see?
This is our biggest test yet.
We've got to stop him
and those other crooks
without resorting
to fisticuffs.
Give us a break, love.
Gandhi would
wanna take a swing
at this gig.
Guys, you promised.
There's got to be a kinder...
-We know, we know!
-We know, we know!
(SQUEAKING)
Good thinking, Zipper.
Let's wake up the parents.
They'll hear the crooks
and call the police.
(BOTH SNORING)
Hey, hey,
Sleepin' Beauty.
Wake up.
Your baby's
stealin' you blind.
This is goin' to take
a group effort, mates.
-MONTEREY: Hello! Wake up!
-GADGET: Come on! Get up!
(ALL YELLING)
What? W-What was that?
Did you hear the baby?
(GROANING)
I'll go check, dear.
I gotta split,
Monrovia.
You and Pomona
just get over here fast.
(SNORING)
Aw, look at him.
Daddy's little slugger.
Any other bright ideas?
CHIP: I might have one.
Let's trip the burglar alarm.
Good thinking, Chip.
Go for it, Zipper.
(SQUEAKING) Aye, aye.
So much for
callin' the police.
That counterfeit kid
has thought of everything.
Maybe not.
Follow me.
9-1-1.
(PHONE RINGING)
Uh, Sergeant Spinelli
speakin'.
(RANGERS CHATTERING ON PHONE)
Hello?
Hold it,
Rangers.
I don't think
he understands Chipmunk.
Or even Mousese.
(METAL SCRATCHING)
Hey, that sounded
like a lock bein' picked.
Hiya, boss.
Ready to loot this locker?
Yeah, but first,
let's do something
about my rodent problem.
(RANGERS SCREAMING)
CHIP: What a case.
MONTEREY: Yeah.
We sure got
our britches blistered
by that little blighter.
Well, I say we kindly
go back to that house,
gently go inside,
then drag that baby out
by his dirty, rotten diapers!
(BOTH GASPING)
-Gadget!
-Gadget!
I've had it.
No more wimping out.
Let's shake that baby
till he rattles.
Wait. I've got
a better plan.
Let's expose that
phony adoption agency
to the police.
Monty, get
the Ranger Wing ready.
Zipper, Dale,
get some strong twine.
To tie up the baby?
No, to tie down Gadget.
I think
she's blown a gasket.
(GROWLING)
(SQUEAKING) There it is!
Let's go see
what they're up to,
then put them
out of business.
Girls, we're closing down
this operation.
Uh-oh.
They beat us to the punch.
But look at all
the great stuff we stole.
VCRs, stereos.
Press-on nails.
Why stop a good thing?
'Cause I got
a better thing.
This is an article
about the richest couple
in town.
(SNICKERING) The richest,
childless couple, till now.
But, uh, I--I thought
we was giving up
the baby racket.
I said we was giving up
the adoption racket.
These folks is going
to find a free gift
on their doorstep.
(CHUCKLES)
Me.
And if we pull off this haul,
we're set for life, girls.
(BOTH SQUEALING)
To the Hancock estate.
Special delivery.
Crikey.
Burglar baby and his babes
have sure upped their ante.
Yeah. We got to stop them
before they loot that mansion.
Come on.
(GROWLING)
He's about to meet
his worst nightmare.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
Okay, Zipper,
do your thing.
(DOORBELL RINGING)
Good luck, mates.
What's this?
Look what someone's left
on our doorstep, dear.
"Please give these
pet chipmunks a good home.
"Your children
will love them."
But we don't own
any children, dear.
(DOORBELL RINGING)
(COOING)
"Please take good care
of baby Thaddeus.
"He deserves
a home like yours."
But we can't keep him,
dear.
An abandoned child
is a matter for the police.
(CRYING)
Dada.
(LAUGHING) Did you hear that?
He called me Dada.
LADY: Oh, can't we keep him
for a little while?
Well, I suppose.
Oh, I just knew this nursery
would come in handy someday.
Here, Thaddeus,
you play with
your little chipmunks
like a good
teeny-weeny little boy.
(CHIP AND DALE SCREAMING)
Where is he?
Let me at him.
Will somebody
hose her down?
We've got to
notify the police.
Yeah, about our
assault and battery.
Move it,
Rangers!
(CHIP EXCLAIMING)
Let's pull the rug
out from under him.
Enough Mr. Nice Guy.
I say we do it Gadget's way.
What do you suggest,
love?
Trash the brat!
ALL: All right!
Monrovia, Pomona,
we've hit the jackpot.
Make like your nylons
and run over here.
LADY: Baby Thaddeus,
here comes Mama with din-din!
There you are,
my little precious.
Is baby hungry?
I've bought you
gourmet baby food.
Let's try
the pureed liver, shall we?
(CHIP SHUSHING)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
There's the signal.
Time for Operation Brat Buster.
Light the retro-rockets.
Good luck, love.
Go trip
the burglar alarm, pally.
(SQUEAKING) Aye, aye.
Open wide for Mama.
Thaddeus!
THADDEUS: You dirty rats!
WOMAN ON RADIO:
Burglary in progress,
524 Hancock Place.
(SIREN WAILING)
(GROANING)
POMONA: Sounds like
the boss started
looting without us.
Let's go help.
This place must be loaded
with microwaves and mascara.
Look out, girls!
(EXCLAIMING)
(GONGING)
Goo, goo.
Ga, ga.
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
My baby.
My poor baby.
Let go of me,
you crazy dame.
(SOBBING)
Did somebody
report a burglary?
I did it. Take me to a nice,
safe cell, please!
(SOBBING) Before those
sadistic rodents get me again.
What a case.
We showed them.
Sorry your new approach
didn't work out, Gadget.
That's okay. Sometimes
you just have to
fight fire with fire.
Or fireworks, anyway.
Let's go celebrate.
How about a visit to
the wrestlers' arena, love?
I don't know, Monty.
Something kinder and gentler
might be better.
Just what I had in mind.
Today's feature match
is the Kinder Karate Kid
versus the Gentle Giant.
Perfect.
(THUNDER CRASHING)
(POLICE SIRENS WAILING)
♪ Sometimes some crimes
♪ Go slippin'
through the cracks
♪ But these two gumshoes
♪ Are pickin' up the slack
♪ There's no case too big,
no case too small
♪ When you need help,
just call
♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale's
♪ Rescue Rangers
♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale
♪ When there's danger
♪ No, no, it never fails
♪ 'Cause once
they're involved
♪ Somehow whatever's wrong
gets solved
♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale
♪ Rescue Rangers
♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale
♪ When there's danger
♪ No, no, it never fails
♪ They'll take the clues
♪ And find the wheres
and whys and whos
♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale
♪ Rescue Rangers
♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale
♪ When there's danger
♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale ♪
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
CHIP: Boy, what a case.
(LAUGHING) Yeah.
We sure whupped
those bad guys.
Too right, we did.
And nothin' like havin'
the bodily injuries
to prove it.
How can you say that,
Monty?
Easy.
Me mouth is the only thing
that doesn't hurt.
Golly!
From the looks of you guys,
it's hard to tell
who won and who lost.
All this violence is
getting out of hand.
ALL: But...
We Rangers need
to find a kinder,
gentler approach
to stopping crime.
I don't know, love.
That would take
all the fun
out of fightin'.
(GROANING)
Watch the shoulder, pally.
(SQUEAKING) Sorry.
But fighting
shouldn't be fun, Monty.
It should be
a last resort.
Oh, I get it.
Sort of like a secret weapon,
eh, Zipper?
(LAUGHING)
Well, what do you say, guys?
Could we give it a try?
Why not?
Couldn't hurt. Ow!
Oh, Chip.
I knew you'd see it my way.
(SIGHING)
Me, too. I see it
your way, too, Gadget.
Since when?
Since now.
Well, forget it!
You don't know
a plugged nickel
about kinder and gentler.
-I do, too!
-Do not!
-Do, too!
-Do not!
-Do, too!
-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah!
-Why, you!
(BOTH CLAMORING)
Huh.
Maybe what we need
is a little practice.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
But I don't get it,
Gadget.
What kind of big crimes
are gonna happen
in the park?
That's the point,
Dale.
We're going to practice
being kinder and gentler
on little crimes
and then work our way up.
(GASPING)
(SLURPING)
(SQUEAKING)
Hey!
That guy is littering.
Yeah. And littering's
against the law.
Too right, it is.
I'll trash that litterbug.
Hold it, Monty.
We're here
to practice
nonviolent means
of solving crimes,
remember?
Oh, right.
Party pooper.
Now, then, can anyone
think of a civilized
way of stopping him?
Nope. Sorry, love.
Guess I'll have to do it
the old-fashioned way.
Wait a minute.
I have an idea.
Somethin' tells me
my glory days are numbered.
Okay, Zipper.
Let 'er tip.
(SQUEAKING)
Aye, aye, sir.
WOMAN: Oh, how terrible.
-MAN: Litterbug.
-WOMAN: What a mess!
-MAN: Garbage!
-WOMAN: This is
a terrible mess.
Oh, no.
(LAUGHING)
Well done, Chip.
You were imaginative,
resourceful,
and best of all,
you didn't hurt anyone.
You get a gold star.
I can't believe it.
Chip's got five stars
and we've got nothing
but big, fat zeroes.
Not to worry, pally.
We'll even up the score.
(GASPS)
In fact, we can start
with that robbery below.
Looks like we've got
our biggest test
coming up, guys.
Kinder and
gentler Rangers, away!
So, Dale,
have any nonviolent plans
to stop these crooks?
I'll think of a gentle way
if I have to beat my head
against a wall.
What about you,
Monterey?
Me? Sure.
I've always got a plan.
We'll rush 'em,
then crush 'em!
And when we've got 'em
beggin' for mercy...
Oops.
What can I say?
Growin' up around kangaroos
makes you kind of punchy.
Don't worry, Rangers.
I've got another
brilliant idea.
(HISSING)
Now let's see
those crooks get away.
Gosh, Chip,
you're practically
pacifist-perfect.
Thank you, Gadget.
I think.
See, Dale,
this new approach is easy
if you just use your head.
Of course,
that does give you
a handicap.
I'll show you
a handicap.
(DOOR OPENING)
Look, Monrovia.
I stole the keys
to their car, too.
Ain't I smart?
Not as smart as I am.
I've already got it packed
and ready to go.
Nothin' like
a family vacation
without the family.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(RANGERS COUGHING)
So much for
using your head, Chip.
Why, you!
Not now, guys.
We've got company.
Golly, this is terrible.
They're about to find out
that they've been...
MOTHER AND FATHER: Robbed?
Oh, Harold.
Everything's gone,
even our refrigerator.
What'll we do?
We can't afford to replace
all our things.
I hate to say it, Alice,
but I'm afraid we'll have
to give up the baby.
Alice:
Our precious baby? No!
It's for his
own good, Alice.
We're wiped out. We can't afford
to give him a good home anymore.
Crikey. I've heard
of disposable diapers.
Where do you think
they'll take him?
I don't know,
but this looks like a job
for the Rescue Rangers.
Let's go.
Harold:
We have to give back
the baby we adopted.
See, we lost
everything we owned.
Oh no, not again.
That poor baby has
the worst luck.
You mean these robberies
have happened before?
Eh, once or twice perhaps.
13 to be exact.
Quiet, Pomona.
Say, there's something
kind of familiar
about those two.
I know.
They're the robbers.
You're right, Dale.
They must be using
that poor little baby
in some sort
of burglary scam.
We've got to save that baby
and make sure his next family
doesn't get robbed too.
(MONTEREY AND ZIPPER SNORING)
Woman: Come on, dear.
Let's go home with our new baby.
Wake up.
Huh? What?
I--I didn't touch the cheese.
Shh! The new parents.
Take good care
of baby Thaddeus.
Oh, don't worry.
I intend to give this child
everything I never had.
I'm sure you will.
(GIGGLING)
(ENGINE STARTING)
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
Good night,
darlingkins.
Sleep tighty-wighty.
And don't let
the crib bugs bite you.
(SLURPING)
(BABY GURGLING)
Ah.
This looks like the perfect
new home for baby Thaddeus.
I couldn't agree more.
Now can we go
fight some real crimes?
We will be.
I have a feeling
those crooks
from the adoption agency
will be here soon.
(SPUTTERING)
In the meantime, we'd better
keep an eye on baby
so he doesn't hurt himself.
(GRUNTING)
(ALL GASPING)
GADGET: We've got to stop him.
He'll make himself sick.
(SQUIRTING)
It's too late.
He is sick. He's rabid!
He's mad!
Mad baby! Mad baby!
It's only shaving cream,
you big dummy.
How do you know that,
Mr. Smarty Pants?
Because he's about to shave.
-Shave?
-Shave?
(DALE SCREAMS)
We gotta stop him
before he cuts himself.
Okay, Dale.
Go for it!
(CHIP SCREAMING)
Nice baby. Good baby.
Give Uncle Chipper
the nasty old razor.
Why, that little...
Chip!
I'm surprised at you.
He's only a baby.
Tsk, tsk, tsk, Chipper.
No stars for you this time.
You have a better idea?
As a matter of fact,
I have a special knack
when it comes to children.
Give me a lift.
(DALE SNICKERING)
(RATTLING)
GADGET:
We've got to save Dale.
That baby thinks
he's a plaything.
We'd better hurry.
(DALE SCREAMING)
Don't worry, Dale.
We'll have you out
of there in no time.
(ALL GASPING)
(RANGERS SCREAMING)
Don't worry, guys.
As long as he doesn't
figure out
how to turn on the furnace,
we're safe.
(FURNACE HUMMING)
Too bad baby's
a fast learner.
Looks like we're chipmunks
roasting on an open fire.
DALE: Help! Get us out!
I'm too young to roast!
Look on
the bright side, guys.
Monty's losing weight.
Gadget, love,
a little less cheeriness,
a little more speed.
I'm trying.
Mind if I give an assist?
Be my guest.
It's just a heater, love.
Violence doesn't count.
Come on,
let's get out of here
before baby finds
the air conditioning
switch next.
GADGET: There he goes.
After him.
Wait a minute.
I'm a Rescue Ranger,
not a bloomin' baby-sitter.
Monterey,
being a Rescue Ranger
is more than just exciting,
harrowing, narrow escapes
and outrageous fights
to the bitter end.
Since when?
Oh, no!
Look!
CHIP: Yikes!
Baby's in trouble again.
Hold your shirts,
mateys.
Last time
he trashed us,
remember?
Monterey's right.
How can we get that baby
back to his crib
without dragging him
by his diaper?
Maybe if we get his attention,
he'll follow us
back to the nursery.
Come on, Dale,
I have an idea.
We'll keep an eye
on the kid.
This should get
his attention.
That, or a spot on
The Gong Show.
-Down here.
Hey, sport, come on!
-Goo, goo, ga, ga.
(LAUGHING)
It's working.
(EXCLAIMS)
(BOTH SCREAMING)
(DOG BARKING)
DALE: Help! Ouch!
Now I know
how a cracked walnut feels.
-GADGET: Wait a second!
-MONTEREY: Hey, hey, hey...
-What are you doing?
-...hold on there!
(LAUGHING)
(WHIRRING)
(GRUNTING)
-(GURGLING)
-Patience, patience, everyone.
The baby's
probably going through
his terrible twos.
I vote we keep the brat
from ever reaching three.
See, that wasn't
so bad, guys.
We got clean, dried,
and, look, no water spots.
Gadget, love,
I think you've kindly,
gently, flipped your lid.
I quit this case.
(SQUEAKING)
Forget it, Zipper.
I don't care
if the baby is
playin' with a gun.
A gun?
(ALL GASPING)
Yo, girls.
Thaddeus here.
Sorry I took so long
to call but I, uh, had
a little rodent problem.
I staked out this joint
and it's loaded with goodies.
A burglar's paradise.
Whoa!
Something
about this kid stinks
and I don't mean
his diaper.
He's nothing
but a pint-sized crook.
No wonder all the homes
he's been placed in
have been robbed.
Let's put that kid
behind bars,
and I don't mean his crib.
No! Can't you see?
This is our biggest test yet.
We've got to stop him
and those other crooks
without resorting
to fisticuffs.
Give us a break, love.
Gandhi would
wanna take a swing
at this gig.
Guys, you promised.
There's got to be a kinder...
-We know, we know!
-We know, we know!
(SQUEAKING)
Good thinking, Zipper.
Let's wake up the parents.
They'll hear the crooks
and call the police.
(BOTH SNORING)
Hey, hey,
Sleepin' Beauty.
Wake up.
Your baby's
stealin' you blind.
This is goin' to take
a group effort, mates.
-MONTEREY: Hello! Wake up!
-GADGET: Come on! Get up!
(ALL YELLING)
What? W-What was that?
Did you hear the baby?
(GROANING)
I'll go check, dear.
I gotta split,
Monrovia.
You and Pomona
just get over here fast.
(SNORING)
Aw, look at him.
Daddy's little slugger.
Any other bright ideas?
CHIP: I might have one.
Let's trip the burglar alarm.
Good thinking, Chip.
Go for it, Zipper.
(SQUEAKING) Aye, aye.
So much for
callin' the police.
That counterfeit kid
has thought of everything.
Maybe not.
Follow me.
9-1-1.
(PHONE RINGING)
Uh, Sergeant Spinelli
speakin'.
(RANGERS CHATTERING ON PHONE)
Hello?
Hold it,
Rangers.
I don't think
he understands Chipmunk.
Or even Mousese.
(METAL SCRATCHING)
Hey, that sounded
like a lock bein' picked.
Hiya, boss.
Ready to loot this locker?
Yeah, but first,
let's do something
about my rodent problem.
(RANGERS SCREAMING)
CHIP: What a case.
MONTEREY: Yeah.
We sure got
our britches blistered
by that little blighter.
Well, I say we kindly
go back to that house,
gently go inside,
then drag that baby out
by his dirty, rotten diapers!
(BOTH GASPING)
-Gadget!
-Gadget!
I've had it.
No more wimping out.
Let's shake that baby
till he rattles.
Wait. I've got
a better plan.
Let's expose that
phony adoption agency
to the police.
Monty, get
the Ranger Wing ready.
Zipper, Dale,
get some strong twine.
To tie up the baby?
No, to tie down Gadget.
I think
she's blown a gasket.
(GROWLING)
(SQUEAKING) There it is!
Let's go see
what they're up to,
then put them
out of business.
Girls, we're closing down
this operation.
Uh-oh.
They beat us to the punch.
But look at all
the great stuff we stole.
VCRs, stereos.
Press-on nails.
Why stop a good thing?
'Cause I got
a better thing.
This is an article
about the richest couple
in town.
(SNICKERING) The richest,
childless couple, till now.
But, uh, I--I thought
we was giving up
the baby racket.
I said we was giving up
the adoption racket.
These folks is going
to find a free gift
on their doorstep.
(CHUCKLES)
Me.
And if we pull off this haul,
we're set for life, girls.
(BOTH SQUEALING)
To the Hancock estate.
Special delivery.
Crikey.
Burglar baby and his babes
have sure upped their ante.
Yeah. We got to stop them
before they loot that mansion.
Come on.
(GROWLING)
He's about to meet
his worst nightmare.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
Okay, Zipper,
do your thing.
(DOORBELL RINGING)
Good luck, mates.
What's this?
Look what someone's left
on our doorstep, dear.
"Please give these
pet chipmunks a good home.
"Your children
will love them."
But we don't own
any children, dear.
(DOORBELL RINGING)
(COOING)
"Please take good care
of baby Thaddeus.
"He deserves
a home like yours."
But we can't keep him,
dear.
An abandoned child
is a matter for the police.
(CRYING)
Dada.
(LAUGHING) Did you hear that?
He called me Dada.
LADY: Oh, can't we keep him
for a little while?
Well, I suppose.
Oh, I just knew this nursery
would come in handy someday.
Here, Thaddeus,
you play with
your little chipmunks
like a good
teeny-weeny little boy.
(CHIP AND DALE SCREAMING)
Where is he?
Let me at him.
Will somebody
hose her down?
We've got to
notify the police.
Yeah, about our
assault and battery.
Move it,
Rangers!
(CHIP EXCLAIMING)
Let's pull the rug
out from under him.
Enough Mr. Nice Guy.
I say we do it Gadget's way.
What do you suggest,
love?
Trash the brat!
ALL: All right!
Monrovia, Pomona,
we've hit the jackpot.
Make like your nylons
and run over here.
LADY: Baby Thaddeus,
here comes Mama with din-din!
There you are,
my little precious.
Is baby hungry?
I've bought you
gourmet baby food.
Let's try
the pureed liver, shall we?
(CHIP SHUSHING)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
There's the signal.
Time for Operation Brat Buster.
Light the retro-rockets.
Good luck, love.
Go trip
the burglar alarm, pally.
(SQUEAKING) Aye, aye.
Open wide for Mama.
Thaddeus!
THADDEUS: You dirty rats!
WOMAN ON RADIO:
Burglary in progress,
524 Hancock Place.
(SIREN WAILING)
(GROANING)
POMONA: Sounds like
the boss started
looting without us.
Let's go help.
This place must be loaded
with microwaves and mascara.
Look out, girls!
(EXCLAIMING)
(GONGING)
Goo, goo.
Ga, ga.
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
My baby.
My poor baby.
Let go of me,
you crazy dame.
(SOBBING)
Did somebody
report a burglary?
I did it. Take me to a nice,
safe cell, please!
(SOBBING) Before those
sadistic rodents get me again.
What a case.
We showed them.
Sorry your new approach
didn't work out, Gadget.
That's okay. Sometimes
you just have to
fight fire with fire.
Or fireworks, anyway.
Let's go celebrate.
How about a visit to
the wrestlers' arena, love?
I don't know, Monty.
Something kinder and gentler
might be better.
Just what I had in mind.
Today's feature match
is the Kinder Karate Kid
versus the Gentle Giant.
Perfect.