Chip 'n' Dale Rescue Rangers (1988–1990): Season 2, Episode 30 - Love Is a Many Splintered Thing - full transcript

Monterey Jack's lost love, Desiree Delure, shows up at headquarters.

♪♪

(THUNDER CRASHING)

(POLICE SIRENS WAILING)

♪ Sometimes some crimes

♪ Go slippin'
through the cracks

♪ But these two gumshoes

♪ Are pickin' up the slack

♪ There's no case too big,
no case too small

♪ When you need help,
just call

♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale's

♪ Rescue Rangers



♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale

♪ When there's danger

♪ No, no, it never fails

♪ 'Cause once
they're involved

♪ Somehow whatever's wrong
gets solved

♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale

♪ Rescue Rangers

♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale

♪ When there's danger

♪ No, no, it never fails

♪ They'll take the clues

♪ And find the wheres
and whys and whos

♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale

♪ Rescue Rangers



♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale

♪ When there's danger

♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale ♪

Oh, boy!
A nice, relaxing picnic.

What's for lunch, Dale?

(SLURPING) Sandwiches.
I made 'em myself.

Uh, I think maybe
you forgot something.

Well,
he did remember the bread.

Hey, someone de-cheesed
all my cheese sandwiches.

ALL: Monty!

Well, I didn't mean to.
I couldn't help meself.

Just the smell of cheese
and I lose control.

Eat my lunch again
and I'll lose control.

I was out all morning
looking for a store
that had cheese.

Monty, one of these days
your craving is going to
cause big trouble.

-Help!
-Gadget!

Help!

(SQUEAKING) I'll save you.
I'll save you.

Grab the kite string
and bring her down.

(GRUNTS)

The power lines!

Hurry, before I look like
the bride of Frankenstein!

Come on, mates, heave.

(ALL GRUNTING)

(SNIFFING)

Cheese!

(ALL SCREAMING)

(GADGET SCREAMING)

(MONTEREY SLURPING)

Cheese!

(GADGET SCREAMING)

Uh-oh.

Oh, no! I've broken her
into itty-bitty bits.

Why,
you cheese-crazed rodent,
this is all your fault!

(SQUEAKING) You're okay.

MONTEREY: I... I'm so ashamed.

One whiff of cheese
and I become a Muenster.

Uh, Monster.

If only Gadget
were all right,

I'd never munch
a piece of cheese again, ever.

Surprise!

Gadget, you're all right.

You were lucky
this time, Monty,

but next time
someone could get hurt.

There won't be
a next time, mates.

From now on,
I'm on the cheese wagon.

I gotta get
a piece of Brie '86.

Just a slice,
a sliver, a sniff.

Please, Zipper,
you don't know

what it's like
livin' cheese-free.

Let me out,
for old time's sake.

(SQUEAKING)

But I'm goin' crazy,
I tell you. Crazy!

You can relax now, Monty.

These tasty,
expensive gourmet snacks

will end your
cheese cravings.

What? What?

Caviar.

And French pate.

What's in this stuff?

It tastes like
liver and fish eggs.

What do you know?
It is liver and fish eggs.

Well, what do you think?

(GULPS)

I think I'd wrestle a gator
for a good piece of cheese.

We got rid of every
piece of cheese...

Shh! He's finally asleep.

(SNORING)

(MUTTERING)

(CHIP AND DALE SNORING)

What's this?

Clever,
but not clever enough.

Precinct house,
Spinelli speakin'.

WOMAN: Officer,
I want to report
a highway robbery.

SPINELLI: Whereabouts, ma'am?

At the grocery store.
Have you seen
the price of cheese lately?

Look, lady,
what do you want me
to do about it?

There's a cheese shortage!

Cheese shortage?
Nuts! They can't
do this to me.

(GASPS) I know,
the pizza parlor.
They always have cheese.

Where is everybody?
This place is
always hoppin' at this hour.

(MONTEREY READING ALOUD)

Oh, no, this can't be.

He must have escaped
out the window.

Let's check all
his usual traps
before he gets into trouble.

Gold ring.
Nice.

Gold tooth.
Not bad.

Oh, no, you dirty rat.
This is brass.

No gold, no cheese,
see?

Oh, please, Mr. Capone.
I haven't eaten
for three days.

If I had a heart,
you'd be breakin' it.

Now, scram!

(LAUGHING)

(LAUGHING)
What a sense of humor, boss.

(LAUGHING)
Yeah, and you're funny, too.

-Shut up!
-Oh!

Well,
what do you want, fatso?

Ch-Ch-Cheese!

Not without g-g-gold!

Arnold! Sugar Ray! Take care
of this mouse moocher,
will you?

Yeah, sure thing, boss.

(GRUNTS)

Monty, what happened?

A crime, a horrible one.

Someone has stolen
all the cheese in town!

Come on, I'll show you.

Okay, you mugs.

Time to close up shop.

End of today's ration.

Yeah, and there ain't
no more cheese, neither.

MOUSE: No. Please wait.
I needs cheese.

ALL: Cheese. Cheese.

If there's a shortage,
where does
Rat Capone get his cheese?

That's what we're
going to find out.
Let's follow him.

They slipped
inside the dairy.

(COWS MOOING)

CHIP: Maybe these cows know
where they went.

Excuse me, Bessie.

We're looking for
two beady-eyed rats
and a sneaky-looking lizard.

Have you seen 'em?

No.

Now, please leave me alone.
I've got my own problems.

The dairymen told us
if we didn't think milk,

they'd think hamburger.

Hey, Chip, according to this,
these milk tanks
are half-empty.

There's a news flash.

No matter how hard we try,
we can't ever fill it up.

It never changes.
I can't figure it out.

Hmm. Something's weird here.

Look, Rat Capone's henchmen.

Look, we gots company.

Hey,
we better alert the boss.

Yeah,
and let's tell him, too.

W-Where'd they go?

They gotta be
around somewhere.

(COWS MOOING)

More loot for you, boss.

Them mice are
stealing the city blind.

(CHUCKLES)

Watch this, fellas.

I'm up to my neck in gold.

Get it? It's a joke.

BOTH: Oh!

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Shut up!

Even silence is golden.

Oh. Oh. Oh.

Now what?

Hey, boss, that fat mouse
we throwed out of the line

brought his friends
and now they're
nosing around upstairs.

Yeah?
Well, they ain't getting

any of my cheese, see?
Not now, not never.

Another load
for the cheese vault, master.

Thanks, slave.

Sugar Ray,
take care of it.

Sure thing, boss.

-Any luck?
-No.

It's as if
they just vanished.

(SNIFFING)

Cheese!

Cool it, Monty.

The cow said
there isn't any.

But, Dale,
if Monty smells cheese,
there must be some.

And I'll bet
where there's cheese,
there's Rat Capone.

Follow the scent, Monty.

But remember,
control yourself.

Don't worry, I'm

(SNIFFING)

in complete control.

Monty, slow down.

I'm in control.
I'm in control.

I'm out of control!
I'm out of control!

Terrific.
Now he's disappeared, too.

(SNIFFING)

Mmm. Swiss. Brie.
Cheddar. Edam.

(GASPING)

The promised land.

Hey. It's the moochy mouse.

(SLURPING)

♪ Ninety-nine pieces of cheese
on the wall

♪ Ninety-nine pieces
of cheese ♪

(HICCUPS)

Why, you dirty rat.

Uh-oh!

(HICCUPS)

You'll pay for this.

Maybe he's got
some gold on him.

That does it.

Boys,
take this oversized blimp
to the bottling plant.

What for?

Have him homogenized.

(GASPING)

No. Wait.

Whoa!

So long, cheeseball.

(SCREAMING)

SUGAR RAY: So much
for that demise.

ARNOLD: (CHUCKLING)
And so much
for that de-mouse.

(EXCLAIMING)

Monty? Oh, Monty!

I don't see him anywhere.

Any luck?

Nope.
He's gone.

(MONTEREY SCREAMING)

It's Monty.

GADGET: Uh-oh!

(ALL GRUNTING)

Anybody get the license plate
of that milk truck?

(GRUNTING)

I'm stuck, mate.

This is going to take
a group tug.

(ALL GRUNTING)

Hey,
easy on the ears, Zipper.

(SQUEAKING) Sorry.

Monterey,
how did this happen?

Rat Capone and his stooges,
that's how.

(HICCUPS)

(GROANING)

No. I mean this Gouda gut.

Now don't worry.
I've had my fill.

I never want to
see cheese again.

Wait a minute.
You found cheese? Where?

In Rat Capone's hideout.
Where else?

And let me tell you,
Capone's one tough rat.

In that case,
we'll have to outsmart him.

I've got a plan.
Now listen.

(CHIP WHISPERING)

Now remember, soon as we lead
Capone out the door,

you lower the boom.
I mean, crate.

-Got it?
-Don't worry
about a thing, mate.

Hurry it up,
you two.

And no free samples.

Yeah,
and don't eat none, neither.

Knock it off,
yous guys.

Can't a rat polish
his gold in peace?

I like to see
my kisser in it.

-(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
-Now what?

Who are you?

Scarface Dillinger.

And we're Bubbles and Clyde.

We're the big boys
from uptown.

Oh, yeah?
Well, meet my big boys.

Arnold Mousenegger
and Sugar Ray Lizard.

So you're the two-bit rat

that's been muscling in
on our cheese market.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Nobody talks to
Rat Capone that way!

Oh, yeah?
Let's you and me
step outside.

Suits me.

No, I meant this door.

I said this door.

Give me one good reason.

I'll give you two.

(GULPING)

(SCREAMING)

Uh-oh!

Just as I thought,
a trap.

Monty, run!

(GROANING)

Oh, boy! Lunch!

Where are my manners?

Arnold, Sugar Ray,
show our guests to
the executive suite.

(LAUGHING)

The what?

He means the sewer drain.

Oh, yeah, I get it.

(LAUGHING)

You're real funny, boss.

(LAUGHING)

Shut up!

MONTEREY: You wouldn't
be so brave if you didn't
have those forks.

Yeah, but we do got them.
So move it, cheese breath.

Ow!

Well, it ain't uptown, but I
trust yous'll be comfortable.

(ALL SCREAMING)

Better say goodbye to 'em,
sweetheart.

Keep away from me!

Take it easy, sister.

You know,
I can use a smart mouse
like you in my organization.

Say, you got spunk.

Thanks.

I hate spunk.

(SQUEAKING)

Sugar Ray,
would you kindly
draw their bath?

I hope the temperature's
to your liking.

(CHUCKLING)

(ALL SPUTTERING)

Oh, no!

Oops! The babies went out
with the bathwater.

-We know, "Shut up."
-We know, "Shut up."

(ALL SCREAMING)

(ECHOING) Gee, this sewer is
dark and hollow.

So is your head.

(SQUEAKING) Now what do we do?

Yeah, what do we do now?

Simple. Find our way back
to Capone's hideout.

And we've got the best radar
in the world to do it.

We do?

Sure, Monty's nose!

Go on, cheese wiz.

Tune that sensational schnoz
to Capone's cheese stash.

(GROANS IN DISGUST)

Don't even say that.

I'm sick of cheese, fellas.

I'll bet your reception's
as good as ever.

Well...

DALE: Well?

Face it, fellas,
I've failed you.

The cheese wiz
is a cheese was.

Come on, beautiful,
give us a kiss.

There's that spunk again.

Ah, come on now,
sugar, be my moll.

I'll give you gold
to buy anything
you want, see?

You'll be a--a shopping moll.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(GULPS)

Here's what I think
of your golden opportunity.

I got her, boss. I got her.

CAPONE: Somebody get her.

Sorry, sweetheart,
you've been sacked.

Good work, Sugar Ray.

Introduce the little cutup

to our
weight-reduction device.

Did he rename
the sewer again?

I think he means
the cheese slicer.

Bingo!

We've got to make Monty remember
how much he loves cheese.

But how?

(WHISPERING)

I say, cheddar.

-Swiss.
-Cheddar.

Talk some sense
into this lame brain, Monty.

I say cheddar tastes best.
He says Swiss.

No. Everybody knows
the best-tastin' cheese
is Brie '86.

How come?

The aroma.

The gentle way
it nips at your taste buds.

It's working.

Oh, the color.

Why, Brie '86 will melt
the instant it touches
the tongue.

(SNIFFING)

Ch-Cheese!

I--I smell cheese!

-He took the cheese bait.
-Let's go.

This is your last chance.

You gonna be my moll
or ain't you?

Never, you gold-plated phony.

That was your
last cut, sister.
And this is mine.

(CLATTERING)

(SNIFFING)

Cheese!

(GADGET SCREAMING)

CHIP: Gadget!

Hey, you mugs,
them cheese chiselers is back.

Leave them to us, boss.

We'll make cream cheese
out of them.

Yeah,
and we'll beat 'em up, too.

Here comes trouble.
What'll we do now?

Here, Dale.

En garde!

Hey, Arnold,
time to play
chop the furballs.

-(GUILLOTINE CLATTERING)
-Somebody help me
before I'm minced moll.

GADGET: Help!

Gadget? Cheese!

Fight it, old boy.
You must fight it.

GADGET: Somebody, hurry!
Save me!

I'm comin', Gadget.

A few more seconds
and you'll be a mini-moll.

Monty!

Him again.
I got just the thing
to stop that cheddar head.

Hiya!

Quick, Monty, untie me.

Have you free
in a jiff, love.

Psst! Hey, fuzz face,
I got something for you.

GADGET: Monty! Monty!

Oh, no!

Monterey!

This way, fatso,
have some nice, fresh Brie.

Did you say, B-Brie?

That's right.
A good year, too.

'86, I think.

(STAMMERING) Oh, boy, '86.

Monty, snap out of it.

But, love, it's Brie '86.

You're my only hope.

No, no. I can't.

Fight it, Monty.

(MUTTERING)

The Brie, Monty, the Brie.

(EXCLAIMS)

I'll make debris out of you.

(SCREAMING)

Monty. Oh, thank you.

Chip and Dale!
They're in trouble.

Say, this gives me
an idea.

Yow!

RANGERS:
Rescue Rangers, hurray!

ALL: Yippee! Yeah!

Help. I can't swim.

(SPUTTERING)

CAPONE: You dirty rat!

MONTEREY:
Steady as she goes, mates.

GADGET: There they go,
down the sewer
where they belong.

So much for
the cheese shortage.

The dairy should
have no trouble

finding those leaks
in their milk tanks now.

And I'm a changed mouse.

From now on,
I'll mind my cheese and q's.

(SNIFFING)

First thing tomorrow.

Cheese!

This time he's earned it,
right guys?

-Too right!
-Too right!