Cheers (1982–1993): Season 9, Episode 8 - 200th Anniversary Special - full transcript

Moderated by John McLaughlin, this one hour special marks the milestone of the 200th episode of the television series, "Cheers", the Boston bar where everybody knows your name. In a panel setting, the entire primary cast - with the exception of deceased Nicholas Colasanto, who is remembered by his fellow cast members - discuss their respective characters and their interactions with each other. Additional insight is provided by the remaining panel members, the driving forces behind the series: James Burrows, Glen Charles, Les Charles, Cherie Steinkellner, Bill Steinkellner and Phoef Sutton.

Young man, a beer, please.

Hey... you're on Sunday
morning TV, aren't you?

Indeed.

Are you, David Brinkley?

No.

Sam Donaldson?

Give me a break.

Oh.

Aren't you the guy who keeps the
Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling

from tearing each
other's hair out?

You could say that.



Oh, man. Your money's
no good here.

Actually,

I'm John McLaughlin...
I'm the moderator

of a political roundtable
called The McLaughlin Group.

Oh. Well, that'll be $2.50.

♪ Making your way in
the world today ♪

♪ Takes everything you've got ♪

♪ Taking a break from
all your worries ♪

♪ Sure would help a lot ♪

♪ Wouldn't you like to get away? ♪

♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪

♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪

♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪

♪ You wanna be where you can see ♪



♪ Our troubles are all the same ♪

♪ You wanna be where
everybody knows your name ♪

♪ You wanna go where people know ♪

♪ People are all the same ♪

♪ You wanna go where
everybody knows your name ♪

Good evening.

Welcome to Cheers 200.

I'm John McLaughlin.

A little more than
eight years ago,

a pseudo-intellectual
college student

walked into a bar and met
a recovering alcoholic

ex-relief pitcher for
the Boston Red Sox.

Hello?

Sam?

Are you Sam?

Yes. Yes, he's here.

Someone named Vicky.

No, no, no, no, no.

No. She knows you're here.

I told her you're here.

Well...

Now, look...

I'm sorry. I was wrong.

He had to step out.

Where?

Well...

I think what happened is, he...

He had t...

he had to go to mime class.

That week, America was
supremely uninterested.

Cheers ranked #77

out of a possible 77
television shows.

Last season,

it was the #1 television
show in America.

On this, the occasion

of the 200th episode of Cheers,

we will be showing some
of the many highlights,

and lowlights, of the
first 199 episodes,

as well as talking

to the originators, the cast,

and the current caretakers

of the little bar in Boston where
everybody knows your name.

We'll be right back.

It's like I'm in complete
control of people's destinies.

Oh, yeah? Yeah, like, I can
make their drinks too strong

so they get sick. Huh.

Or, I can water them down, so
they're paying for nothing.

Yeah. Or if I don't like

their attitudes, I can spit in it.

Carla, you're not still upset

about that little argument
we had the other day?

You tell me.

Oh, hey, Carla, listen, I'm
sorry about this morning

when I called you a
"sawed-off witch."

Norm.

George, you want to tell
us about Norm Peterson?

Well, he hangs out in a bar.

He...

he's got darned good writers.

Afternoon, everybody.

Norm.

What's up, Norm? My nipples...
it's freezing out there.

What are you up to, Norm?

My ideal weight, if I
were 11 feet tall.

Hey, Mr Peterson, Jack Frost
nipping at your nose?

Yeah. Now let's get Joe Beer
nipping at my liver, huh?

What's going on, Mr Peterson?

Let's talk about what's
going in Mr Peterson.

Hey, what's happening, Norm?

Well, it's a dog-eat-dog
world, Sammy,

and I'm wearing Milk
Bone underwear.

Norm's a very loyal guy.

Unfortunately, his priorities
are a little bit out of whack.

He's loyal to the bar first,

and, you know, to his marriage...

somewhere down the
line, but he is loyal.

You can't go sneaking out
nights on somebody you love.

Woody, you have to believe that
truth and... Norm, it's Vera.

I'm not here... honesty are the
cornerstones of a marriage.

I promised Vera I'd pick
up some Chinese food.

Oh, that's nice of you, Norm.

Well, I spilled it on
the floor this morning.

Sheesh. Women.

You can't live with them.
Pass the beer nuts.

Hey, Norm, how come you and
Vera never had any kids?

I can't, Coach.

Gee, I'm sorry, Norm.

I look at Vera, I just can't.

See you in the
morning, I guess, huh?

Yeah, I may be a little late.

Oh, that's okay. I had a key made.

I came, I drank...

I stayed.

What's the matter, Norm?

Aw, nothing. Just my shorts
are binding up on me.

Just, you know, stand up and
straighten them out a little.

Nah. I'll give them five minutes.
Sometimes they self-correct.

I've been down this road
a few times myself,

and take it from a pro:

there is one thing you
always have to do

before you tell a
guy you love him.

What's that? Lose the moustache.

Rhea, tell us about Carla.

Well, she's, a survivor.

She's a realist.

She's very fertile.

I cannot let any man touch
me, talk to me or see me,

or I'll be shooting out
kids like a Pez dispenser.

Do you think that she's mean?

No. I don't think she's mean.

I think that she's honest.

Frasier, you're brilliant.

That is one of the
most brilliant ideas

you've ever had, and you've
had a lot of brilliant ideas.

Thank you, Carla.

See, Woody? It works.

Bonehead bought it.

Nothing wrong with sweating.

I myself have perspired
once or twice.

We could grow rice.

Give me a little something
with hair on it.

Here I am.

So,

you married?

Yes, quite happily.

Too bad. Could've been
my first Englishman.

Oh, no, no, no, wait.

There was that one other
guy, but he was so white,

I kept losing him in the sheets.

Does everybody like Carla?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

You have to.

Did Carla like Diane Chambers?

No. No?

Suffice it to say,

he insists on making
mountains out of molehills.

He wants you to wear a padded bra?

I can no longer hold my tongue.

Want me to do it?

He has saved hundreds,
nay, thousands

of troubled marriages.

It's even rumoured that he had a
hand in helping Chuck and Di.

Speaking of that, why don't
you upchuck and die?

Do you like Cliff?

No.

You don't like Cliff? No.

It's a little known fact that
42% of all deaths in America

are caused by accidents
in the home.

So were you.

Yeah, you'd never
catch a woman of mine

leading me around by the nose.

No, but you might catch her
sunning herself on a rock.

What a pathetic display.

I'm ashamed God made me a man.

I don't think God's doing a lot
of bragging about it, either.

If you go back in history

and, take every president,

you'll find that the
numerical value

of each letter in their last name

was equally divisible into the,

year in which they were elected.

All right.

See,

I figured it out, and
by my calculations,

our next president
has to be named...

Yelnick McWaWa.

Who is Cliff Clavin?

Well, Cliff, according
to Cliff, would...

he'd be the wing nut that holds
Western civilisation together.

He...

according to me, he'd
just be a winged nut.

You know, you've got
a big mouth, Clavin.

Hey, he happens to
be right, you know.

Yeah, it's a genetic quirk
in the, Clavin family

that we all have two extra teeth.

You see, that's the only
way that we can prove

that we are the rightful
heirs to the Russian throne.

Hello in there, Cliff.

Tell me, what colour is
the sky in your world?

You know, I...

I happen to be a bit of
an expert on tapeworms.

It all goes, it all goes back

to my eighth-grade science fair.

You know, everybody else had
rabbits and guinea pigs.

I, had a tapeworm.

Really?

Yeah, so I couldn't go.

Or was that, was that a ringworm?

Check, please.

Yeah, boy, boy, boy...

Me and parasites...
Don't get me started.

John, is there, is there
a part of you in Cliff?

Oh, yeah, I am fascinated
by fascinating facts, yeah.

Is there a part of Cliff in you?

I wear white socks.

Well...

Yeah... I tell ya...

Is that,

Cliff Clavin or is
that Don Ho, huh?

Ah...

Where ya been, buddy?

Some, faraway island resort?

Oh, easy mistake, Norm, but, no,

I got this tan right
here in Beantown.

Is that at the new,

Tan and Wash I've been
hearing so damn much about?

That's right, Normie.

And by the way, did you realise

that the tan first
gained popularity

in what is now known
as the Bronze Age?

Great, great, well, I'm sold.

Oh, and, by the way, look
how white I used to be.

During the course of
the history of Cheers,

you lost a character.

You lost a man. Right.

Nick Colasanto, who
played the part

of Ernie Pantuso, the Coach.

Nickie was like a father.
I mean, he came...

He was the father and
Woody's the kid.

I mean, that was... Nicky
was the... the sage.

He used to say he used
to play the character

like a 12-year-old.

He would sit and listen

to everybody like they
made complete sense.

I don't know if you know the set,

but he's still,
he's still present.

We put a picture of Geronimo

that Nicky had in
his dressing room,

we put that on the
upstage wall of Cheers

so he's, he's still present and...

He was a former coach in
professional baseball?

He was Sam's coach, yeah.

He had a record in the minor
league being hit by a pitch

more than any other person...

I mean, what I'd do was,

I'd get up there and lean my body

into the pitch, right?

And, well, sometimes I took one
right in the old melon, but...

I mean, I really...

I really made a science out of it.

I became a master.

Well, here, try to miss me. Oh.

You ready?

Okay, here we go.

I'm not gonna get it
anywhere near him.

That's the whole point.

Oh.

I'm on my way to first.

Whoo.

Nicky was amazing.
He was a director...

Accomplished director, teacher...

A very, very bright man,

and he would, like, he
would drive on the lot,

and he, he'd say that
he'd get out of his car

and he'd, psst, turn that off.

And then, pshew, he was...
he was Coach from then on.

Cheers.

Yeah, just a sec.

Is there an Ernie Pantuso here?

That's you, Coach.

Speaking.

Boy, oh, boy...

The damnedest thing.

I've been shivering all
the way over here.

Well, Coach, you don't
have a coat on.

It's 30 degrees outside.

Oh, thank God. I
thought I had malaria.

Whew.

Coach, I'm having blackouts.

Kind of a nice break in
the day, isn't it, Sammy?

Do you remember Nick, Shelley?

Dearly.

He was really Diane's
only friend, real friend.

He would listen to Diane,
and he would counsel her

and offer her a kind of
support and friendship

that didn't really
come out clearly

from many of the other
members in the bar.

Coach?

What do you do when
you are so furious

that you have to do something?

Well, I know you'll think
it's kind of crazy,

but, I bang my head on the bar.

Doesn't sound crazy to me.

It might do me a lot
of good right now.

Well, okay.

No. No, oh, don't.

But, you're so, you're
so beautiful, so...

Beautiful?

Daddy, you have been
saying that I'm beautiful

ever since I was a
very little girl.

But look at me.

Not as my father,

but like you're looking
at me for the first time,

and please, try to see
me as I really am.

Oh, my God. I...

I didn't realise how much you
looked like your mother.

I know.

I look exactly like her.

And Mum was not...

comfortable about her beauty.

But that's what made
her more beautiful.

Your mother grew more beautiful

every day of her life.

She was really beautiful.

Yes. And so are you.

You're the most beautiful
kid in the whole world.

Thanks, Daddy.

We wanted to create,
there are...

there are in America great
neighbourhood bars.

But not everybody has one, and
so we thought we'd give...

For all those poor, deprived
people... we'd give them one.

And that included ourselves.
We didn't have one.

So we created one... A place
that we would like to go

and spend time and, where
everybody could go

one night a week and,
and be with friends.

Come on. Carla.

Easy. Yeah, I got her.

Let go. Oh.

Let go of me.

You get your hand
out. Just stop it.

You had the gall. Oh. Just get...

Whoa.

Stop that. Come on, you guys.

Whoa, whoa... Oh, no. No.

Whoops.

No.

Oh, no.

Stop this immediately.

I have never been witness

to such a silly, soph...

Sam Malone...

kiss your butt goodbye.

When you conceived of the
relationship between

Diane Chambers and Sam
Malone... what was it?

I think that there
was an intensity

with the Sam and Diane,
affair that was...

Dominating?

Yeah, very much so.

A really intelligent
woman would see

your line of BS a mile away.

You think so? Huh?

Huh. Huh.

Yeah, well, you know,

I've never met an intelligent
woman that I'd want to date.

On behalf of the intelligent
women around the world,

may I just say... whew.

Well, I'll be darned.

What?

Nothing. I just,
noticed something.

What?

Well, I guess I've, I've
never looked into your eyes.

Something wrong with them?

No, I, just don't think

I've ever seen eyes
that colour before.

As a matter of fact, I don't think

I've ever seen that colour before.

Yes, I have. Yes, I have.

Where?

I was, I was on a ski
weekend up at Stowe. I...

I was coming in late one day,
last person off the slope.

The, the sun had just gone down.

And the sky became this
incredible colour.

I usually don't, notice
things like that,

and I found myself kind of
walking around in the cold,

hoping that it wouldn't change,

wishing that I had somebody
there to share it with me.

Then afterwards I tried
to convince myself

that I'd imagined
that colour, that...

that I hadn't really seen it.

That nothing on this earth
could be that beautiful.

Now I see I was wrong.

Wouldn't work, huh?

What?

An intelligent woman would
see right through that?

Oh? Oh.

In a minute.

Damn.

You are the nuttiest,

the stupidest, the phoniest
fruitcake I ever met.

You, Sam Malone, are the most
arrogant, self-centred son...

Shut up.

Shut your fat mouth.

Make me. Make you?

My God, I'm gonna...

I'm gonna bounce you off
every wall in this office.

Try it and you'll be
walking funny tomorrow.

Or should I say funnier?

You know... you know, I
always wanted to pop you one.

Maybe this is my lucky day, huh?

You disgust me.

I hate you.

Are you as turned on as I am?

More. Bet me.

Whenever you think too
much about something,

it loses all its sense.

I mean, obviously the only
reason why I'm with you

is because I lo...

What, Sam?

I said the reason why I'm
with you is because I lo...

You lo...?

Well, you know, you
know what I mean.

Well, what's the matter?
Can't you say it?

Oh, of course I can.

I lo... I lo... I lo... I lo...

Do you know what the difference

is between you and a
fat, braying ass?

Nope.

The fat braying ass would.

Speaking of fat, braying asses,

you're about to get
dumped on yours.

How dare you slap me.

Don't you ever hit me again.

Like hell.

You always think you got
to get the last one in.

Oh, come on. All right,
all right, fine.

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
Ow. All right, come on.

All right, please,
come on. Let go.

Oh, what the hell?

Will you marry me?

Will you marry me?

No.

Oh, Diane, will you marry me?

No, Sam.

Diane, will you marry me?

That didn't sound very sincere.

I'll be back here.

I will.

I'll see you in six months.

Okay?

Okay.

Okay.

That's better.

Have a good life.

Frasier Crane... what
does he do for a living?

He's a psychiatrist.

What is Frasier's
philosophy of life?

He hopes he can heal
the human condition.

Come on, man.

Tell Diane you love her.

Let some fresh air and
sunlight in there.

Frasier?

What, Sam?

I don't like guys
touching my head.

Well, there's our next session.

Is there, some of you in him?

Sure.

I would like to heal
the world, yeah.

Have you notified the world?

In my small way, yeah.

Is there some of him in you?

Well, we do walk the same
streets together now.

I am running with scissors.

You see, it's been
psychologically documented

that all human animals have a
neurotic hair-trigger response

to, at least one of the
five sensory stimuli.

Well, it could be
anything, actually.

Well, let's see, sound of the
surf pounding against the shore.

The smell of honeysuckle
on a warm summer night.

The taste of a vintage
Chateau Neu d'pais.

Fire-red fingernails dancing
through your chest hair.

A black-lace teddy...

straining against
its fleshy cargo.

Frasier, man, snap out of it.

In a minute, Sam.

Did psychiatrist Frasier Crane

provide services for
Diane Chambers?

No. No, that was, that was my job.

When Diane left Sam, and
he started drinking again,

he was filling the
void that Diane left.

And Diane filled her
emptiness by toying with

and... destroying... a
man who's her cultural

and intellectual
superior in every way.

Okay, kids, you say hi to Binky.

Hi, Binky.

Binky, do your act.

I don't have an act.
I'm a psychiatrist.

Oh, frost warning.

Good afternoon, Dr Crane.

Dr Sternin.

What a lovely surprise.

I hope I can regard
that as civility

in light of today's situation,

rather than sarcasm at my expense.

No, that was completely
at your expense.

What these two people, who are
such geniuses at romance,

are trying to do is to get
you to take your hair down,

thinking that it will stimulate me

like some sort of Pavlovian dog.

So why don't you just oblige them,

get this silliness over with

so we can get on with our lives?

You mean like this?

Precisely.

You know what?

What?

I'm going to kiss you.

I'm gonna kiss you hard

and I'm going to kiss you long.

But make no mistake about it,

I am going to kiss you.

In fact, I'm going to kiss you

like you've never...

Oh, boy, my Aunt Edna's
killer fudge brownies.

Oh, killers, huh?

Yeah, they're called that
because the first time

my Uncle Ford ever
smelt them baking,

he came running in from the
field and got hit by a combine.

He hung on for a few days.

At the end, he was
just praying to die.

Well, eat up, everybody.

Hey, I don't know about Indiana,

but around here, when
guys get together

to send another guy
off to his doom,

things can get a little raunchy...

You fellas ever dress
up farm animals

in women's clothing?

No.

Well, then I'm one up on you.

Woody Harrelson, tell
us about Woody Boyd.

He likes other people, you know,

and he, he likes
connecting with people,

and he doesn't really, care

to, own the bar or
anything one day.

He just wants to be a bartender
and live in the big city.

Woods, she likes to do her
cushion pushing on four wheels.

Miss Howe... really?

You know, back where I come from,

we used to say something
about girls like that.

What?

Let's date them.

Well, actually, Carla,

as a student of the theatre,
I have to correct you.

What you were doing there
is not called acting.

It's called improvising.

Shut up, Woody.

Now, that would be directing.

I take it that there's a big
part of you in Woody Boyd.

Yeah, I would say the
virtue in me is...

No, I mean, we're
both very honest.

Miss Howe, I don't
mean to insult you,

but you're looking kind of puny.

Have you lost weight?

Is this a set-up?

Did Sam tell you to say that?

No, madam, I told
myself to say it.

Thank you, Woody.

That's the nicest thing
anyone said to me all week.

Your hair's been looking
kind of ratty, too.

Some people say that they...

they thought in your
last couple of episodes,

that you've been a little bit
harsher than you normally are.

Yeah, I agree, by the way.

Shut up.

What's the use?

I don't care any more.

Don't be bitter.

I'm not bitter, Sam.

I'm just consumed
by a gnawing hate

that's eating away at my gut

until I can taste the
bile in my mouth.

Well, I guess I am
a little bitter.

Either that or I'm coming
down with something.

Does anybody have a Tic Tac?

I was wondering if
Woody could perhaps

recite the lyrics to
"The Kelly Song"?

Let me get in the right key.

Okay.

♪ Kelly, my darling,
you are my sunshine ♪

♪ When we're together,
I feel fine ♪

♪ Your smile is so lovely,
your hair is so clean ♪

♪ You make me feel that
the whole world is mine ♪

♪ Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly ♪

♪ Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly ♪

♪ Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly ♪

♪ K-E-L-L-Y ♪

♪ Why? Because you're ♪

♪ Albania, Albania ♪

♪ You border on the Adriatic ♪

♪ Good night, ladies ♪

♪ Good night, ladies ♪

♪ Good night, ladies ♪

♪ We're going to leave you now ♪

♪ Time to rap about
a controversy ♪

♪ Gonna take a stand,
won't show no mercy ♪

♪ Lotta folks say
jocks shouldn't be ♪

♪ Doing the sports news on TV ♪

♪ I don't want to hear
the latest score ♪

♪ From a punchy old
broadcasting school board ♪

♪ So get your scores
from a guy like me ♪

♪ Who knows what it's like
to have a groin injury ♪

♪ Groin, groin ♪

♪ Groin injury ♪

Boola.

The first night of the show,

I mean, I really realised...

They introduced the
cast members...

And I felt the void
from the audience.

It was sort of like a
silent, horrible void...

to me, I mean,

maybe I was the only one
seeing it, hearing it.

But it was... it was for Shelley.

So right when I...
after I came out,

and they, you know,
they were nice to me,

yeah, yeah, you know.

"Big deal, we're not gonna like
you no matter what you do."

I will prove it to you.

I will dispel the myth
that you turn my stomach.

I will give you a little kiss.

Here.

There.

Now, what category am I in?

Yes? No?

Oh, jeez, boy, why do I
even bother with you?

Whew.

Definite maybe.

I heard that.

You said "maybe."

We had an idea for a scene

where she's in the office and
Sam comes in the office.

They've got a bet that if he
catches her with a cigarette,

she will go to bed with him.

A-ha.

Oh, hey, where's the pool table?

Oh, wrong room.

She put a lit cigarette
in her mouth,

and all of a sudden we went,
"This woman has hidden talents."

Oh, Norm, I need your help.

Oh, you just started.

You're gonna do fine.

Things are gonna turn
around, I swear.

No, you idiot, my hair's
stuck to the wall.

It's a huge risk.

Take it.

Take it.

I'm moving to Tokyo.

I'm gonna take over the
Japanese division.

I leave tonight.

Yes, darling, yes.

Oh...

Can I have my drink?

You know, you men are all alike.

Yeah, so where was I?

You were engaged to one of the
richest men in the world.

Could I just have my check?

Are you a man?

Sure.

I'm gonna have to break
it off with Robin.

Well, it's the right thing to do.

I'll just say to him...

"That's it, sweet baby."

I think the two of us are
cut out of the same cloth.

I think that we,
perhaps, have a...

a friendship in
the, in the making.

We may not see it yet,

but I think we have a
deep, deep friendship.

I think we're very similar.

Do you think you
share value systems?

Well, I think we're
equally shallow.

Mr Colcourd.

Rebecca, I'll be brief.

You were very
understanding about that

little incident back in my limo,

and I think that kind

of understanding
should be rewarded.

So, I'd like you to have this.

It's gorgeous.

No.

I should like to point out
that if I had offered

this bracelet to my
chargé d'affaires,

she would have snapped
it up in a blur.

Heh, I admire your standards.

You know,

this definitely puts
you in the lead.

Must go.

Would you care to join me?

Did you hear that?

I am winning.

I'm winning.

No. Hey, come... listen.

Listen to me for a second here.

Come on, you've given up

something very valuable
and very important.

You're gonna regret this
the rest of your life.

Oh. You're right.

I will take that bracelet.

Oh, it's not just
losing the job.

It's that I was, you know,
taken advantage of.

I know. I know.

You know, that I was used.

That I was just...

you know, manipulated
by somebody who just

cynically wanted to get
something from me.

Malone, what are you doing?

I'm feeling bad.

No, you are feeling pretty good.

Okay, I admit it.

I'm not a sad guy.

I'm a happy, horny guy.

What is Sam's philosophy of life?

Service the queen
bee, you know, to...

Look at the two of you.

No, look at the three of us.

Let's look at the
two of you again.

Can we get a couple of
piña coladas over here?

Sure thing. Let me just
finish making this margarita.

So, anyway, Margarita...

All I can think about is getting
home and jumping into bed.

Need anybody to break your fall?

Guess who.

Oh. I'll give you a hint.

Vermont ski lodge,

a roaring fire and baby oil.

Could you, be more specific?

Great.

What time will you be getting off?

You've been with a lot of women.

No, I have not.

There have not been
that many women.

That gets exaggerated
here in the bar.

There haven't been
that many, really.

How many have there been?

Well, I don't know.

Maybe, four hun...

Oh...

Honeys, honeys.

Four honeys.

You know, Sam,

the church does recommend chastity

to unmarried people.

Oh, I'm sorry. You're serious...

For the sake of our friendship,

I am just gonna resist

my sexual urges and that's
all there is to it.

Now, come here.

There.

All right.

You know that I loved Evan Drake

since the first time I met him.

I'm sorry. This is not working.

Hot fire below.

I can't imagine not
doing this... show.

I think the thing
I notice is that,

when I walk around, the
incredible, the faces

of the people that look back
when they recognise Cheers.

That, that look and
that face is...

coming back at you.

It's such a privilege
to walk around

in that atmosphere that it is...

it's... it's magical.

♪ Making your way in
the world today ♪

♪ Takes everything you've got ♪

♪ Taking a break from
all your worries ♪

♪ Sure would help a lot ♪

♪ Wouldn't you like to get away? ♪

♪ All those nights when
you've got no lights ♪

♪ The check is in the mail ♪

♪ And your little angel
hung the cat up ♪

♪ By its tail ♪

♪ And your third
fiancé didn't show ♪

♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪

♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪

♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪

♪ You wanna be where you can see ♪

♪ Our troubles are all the same ♪

♪ You wanna be where
everybody knows your name ♪

♪ You roll out of bed,
Mr Coffee's dead ♪

♪ The morning's looking bright
morning's looking bright ♪

♪ And your shrink
ran off to Europe ♪

♪ And didn't even write ♪

♪ And your husband
wants to be a girl ♪

♪ Be glad there's one
place in the world ♪

♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪

♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪

♪ You wanna go where people know ♪

♪ People are all the same ♪

♪ You wanna go where
everybody knows your name ♪

♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪

♪ Everybody knows your name ♪

♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪

♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪

♪ Everybody knows your name ♪

♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪

♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪

♪ Everybody knows your name ♪

♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪

I'll tell you what you do.

Why don't you...

Hey, would you get out of here?

Go on.

Cheers to Cheers on your 200th.

Looking forward to Cheers' 400th.

Bye-bye.

Thank you all for
coming. Thank you.