Cheers (1982–1993): Season 8, Episode 23 - The Ghost and Mrs. LeBec - full transcript
Rebecca is going to be on a consumer reports show as she wrote a letter to them complaining about an electronic depilatory that ripped off her skin when she shaved her legs. Rebecca is looking forward to exposing the crooked company that makes the product. Meanwhile, Carla feels that the return of Darryl Mead - her fantasy Red Sox player - to Cheers is a sign that she's ready to date again, the first time after Eddie's death. When she and Darryl head off on their date, all Carla sees is Eddie LeBecs everywhere she goes. She figures that Eddie is haunting her since he doesn't want her to date. When she makes an announcement that she will not date, even more Eddies appear. Eddie is haunting her for more than just not wanting her to date. Since she can't figure out why, she, Frasier and Lilith all decide that she needs professional help. Frasier and Lilith are thinking about her seeing one of their colleagues, whereas Carla is instead thinking about a visit to her psychic, Madame Lazora. Frasier is appalled not only that Carla would confide in Madame Lazora, but that Madame Lazora's business even exists. Madame Lazora holds a séance in the bar to conjure up Eddie. Through that séance, Madame Lazora ends up telling Carla why Eddie is haunting her, which is no surprise to an exasperated Frasier.
Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
I'm sorry, Sam. All
right, I'll tell Ms. Howe.
What's the matter with Sammy?
He's not feeling well.
He ain't gonna be in today.
Ohh, a girl.
He probably won't
be in tomorrow, either.
Two girls.
He might not be in
the whole week.
The laker girls.
No, it's serious.
He thinks he might
have chicken pox.
Chicken pox.
That's...
Pretty painful for an adult
and highly contagious, too.
Ok, ladies, now, remember,
no matter how much I beg you,
don't scratch me.
Ok.
♪ Makin' your way
in the world today ♪
♪ takes everything you've got ♪
♪ takin' a break
from all your worries ♪
♪ sure would help a lot ♪
♪ wouldn't you like
to get away? ♪
♪ Sometimes you wanna go ♪
♪ where everybody
knows your name ♪
♪ and they're always
glad you came ♪
♪ you wanna be
where you can see ♪
♪ our troubles
are all the same ♪
♪ you wanna be where
everybody knows your name ♪
♪ you wanna go
where people know ♪
♪ people are all the same ♪
♪ you wanna go where
everybody knows your name ♪
Let me have a beer.
Sure.
Is Sam around?
No, he's not feeling well.
He won't be in today.
What's wrong?
Well, I miss him.
Hey, Carla, check it
out. Look who's here.
Oh, my God.
Darryl Mead,
number 43 for the Sox.
Batted .270 last year.
You should see him in
a pair of leather chaps.
When did you ever see him
in a pair of leather chaps?
Last night in my hot,
sweaty dreams.
Wait a minute.
It was rodeo night.
Yaa-hoo!
Yee-haw!
Woo hoo!
So go over there
and ask him out, huh?
What do you say?
No.
Come on, Carla.
I'm not the kind of girl
who can just
walk up to some guy and say hi.
Why, Carla, what
a refreshing thing
to hear from someone like you.
Well, why bother saying hi
when it's tattooed
on your thigh?
Where were you when
I was in college?
Carla!
Darryl!
You remembered me.
How could I forget?
You know, I saw you last night.
You were sensational.
We didn't play
a game last night.
Well, you sure scored.
So, Carla, you still married?
No, I'm a widow now.
My husband passed
away several months ago.
Oh, gee, Carla, I'm so sorry.
I remember seeing
Eddie play hockey.
He was the quickest
goalie on the ice.
I'm really sorry
about your loss.
Yeah, thanks.
It's been a few months,
but I'm still wearing black.
No, you're not.
Darryl, trust me.
Beer?
Yeah.
Looks like cupid
just shot his arrow
through Carla's heart.
Yeah. When did Carla
get a heart?
Well, kudos to Carla.
It's healthy after a time
to curtail one's grieving
and recommence an interest
in the opposite sex.
I know if my Frasier
were taken from me
in an unforeseen tragedy,
I would certainly date again
after an acceptable
period of bereavement.
That gives me a warm fuzzy.
There'd be no sense in
being overly emotional, darling.
You'd be dead
and rotting in a box.
Woody, may I have another beer,
and would you check
on the robot over there,
see if it's thirsty?
Dr. Crane,
that's your wife.
Don't talk about her like that.
What can I get you
Dr. Sternin-Crane?
Another quart of valvoline?
Oh, look, you people, stop it.
I am not a robot.
Guess what, you guys?
I'm going to be on television.
All right.
What for?
Because I wrote a letter
to consumer patrol.
Oh, consumer patrol,
with your host art stickler.
No, no, don't you remember?
Art stickler got
killed last month
testing that new
electric blanket.
He got electrocuted, huh?
No, no, no.
His wife shot him
when she found him
under it with his secretary.
They'd been off the air
for something like a month
searching for a new host.
Whereas Lilith would have
found one the next day.
So, what were you
complaining about, Ms. Howe?
Thank you for asking, Woody.
Last month I purchased
a lady baldy.
A what?
It's this electronic
device for women
and it's used to pull
leg hairs out by the roots.
I am telling you, this monster
chewed my legs to bits.
You know,
consumer patrol's had a lot
of reports from other women
about the exact same thing,
but they chose me
to appear on television.
You must have written
a very eloquent letter.
Yes, I think I did.
Also, I took a piece
of stationery
and smacked it against
my bloody, mangled legs
and sent them that, too.
Guys, you're not
going to believe this.
Darryl mead just
asked me out again.
You and Darryl Mead.
That is H-O-T.
I know!
Boy, you know, this feels weird.
What?
My first date
since Eddie's death.
Carla, it's perfectly
natural to be reticent
about reentering
the dating scene,
but, you've... you've mourned
a respectful amount of time.
You know, I know of some women
who would shimmy right
out of that black dress
and start flirting
with the embalmer.
Now I think it's time for you
to take those first
tentative steps
back into social interaction
and, dare I say it, romance.
You know, frase, you're right.
Eddie's gone, and I'm here.
Come on, Darryl, let's barrel.
Great. Let me
just settle up.
All right.
I'll get a cab.
Aaaaahhhh!
Carla, what is it?
Nothing.
Guess it was just the wind.
All right, Lilith, let's
just have out with it
once and for all.
Should I pass on,
just who is it you'd be
smacking your lips at
over my open casket?
For God's sake,
Frasier, all right.
If you were to die,
I would weep for days on end,
wear black till the end
of my life,
and never, ever, ever
let another man touch me
as long as I live.
This I would do in loving
remembrance of you. Ok?
Now, was that so hard?
Hey, you guys,
what do you think?
Is this dress all right
for consumer patrol?
Why wouldn't it be?
I'm just afraid
that the audience
might be so distracted
by my dress,
that they won't listen
to what I have to say.
That's ridiculous.
Just state your case.
All these people care about is
the grievous, bodily damage
that this product has
inflicted on your sensitive...
Firm...
Milky white flesh.
I just hope I'm prepared.
I don't want this guy
to throw me any curve balls.
Well, you want me to ask
you some practice questions?
Oh, sure, if you don't mind.
No. No problem.
Let's see.
Ok, I got it.
Now, when you
purchased the lady baldy,
you knew full well
that it pulls hairs
out by the root, correct?
Yes, I did.
Wouldn't you have to
be a complete idiot
not to expect some
irritation or discomfort?
Come on, what's your
answer? We're on television.
Thousands of people
are watching.
Ok, ok.
Well, I guess...
Oh, you guess?
Great, great.
You guess. Hey,
this is a news show.
We're here for the facts.
All right, so, the facts are...
Bzzt! Too late. They've
gone to commercial.
You're what was.
Woody, that was
a mean, vicious streak.
I've never seen
that side of you.
Where does that come from?
Well, our theater's
doing a production
of twelve angry men.
Yeah?
We've only got six,
so we have to be,
like, twice as furious.
Hi, guys.
Oh. Back so soon from
your date with Darryl Mead?
Yeah. I left Darryl
at the restaurant.
I'm feeling kind of funny.
Uh-oh. You're not coming
down with something, are you?
Are you coming down
with Sam's chicken pox?
No.
I just keep seeing my dead
husband Eddie everywhere.
Is he covered with spots?
Carla, when you say
you keep seeing Eddie,
just what do you mean?
Just what I said.
I was having dinner with Darryl.
All of a sudden, I look down,
and I start seeing
Eddie's face everywhere.
It was so strange.
I looked at my steak,
I see Eddie's face.
I look at my broccoli,
I see Eddie's face.
We've all seen that.
I mean,
let's face it, Eddie
looked like broccoli.
What a terrible
experience, Carla.
Um, what do you suppose
triggered this
bizarre apparition?
Well, it's obvious, isn't it?
Eddie's spirit does not
want me to be on that date.
He's come back
from beyond the grave
to tell me not to go out
with Darryl Mead.
Oh, Carla, you can't be serious.
Ghouls do not rise
from their resting place
just to ruin your dating life.
Vera did.
Why wouldn't Eddie want
you to go out with Darryl?
I don't know, but there
must be a good reason.
Anyway, I get
the message, Eddie.
You hear that?
I'm not going out
with Darryl mead. Ok?
Thanks for the warning.
Feel free to rest in peace now.
Well, glad that's over with.
So what'll it be?
Aah!
Oh! Oh!
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Aah! Oh! Aah!
[Bell rings]
No! No!
Carla, it's all right.
He's over there!
He's over there!
Carla, listen to me.
Carla, Carla, listen
to me. Listen to me.
Open your eyes and look around.
Now, you see?
Nobody's there.
Oh, the dead!
No, no, Carla,
Carla, that's Lilith!
Granted, she could
use a little sun.
Now, Carla...
C-Carla...
Um...here, Carla...
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Carla.
I should have warned you.
How's the toe,
Dr. Crane?
Not so good, Woody.
Thanks.
I should have warned
you about the tricks
the mind can play on one
during periods of
emotional transition.
It wasn't a trick, Frasier.
I saw him. I saw Eddie.
He was... he was everywhere.
I mean, this bar was
lousy with Eddies.
Uhh! Uhh! Ooh! Ooh!
He's got something to tell me.
And it's more than just
me going out with Darryl.
He's got a message
from beyond the grave,
and he's not gonna rest
until he tells me what it is.
Carla, listen to me.
I think it's important
that you talk with someone.
Oh, yes.
Frasier, I've got
to talk to somebody.
I'd be glad to give you a
list of reputable doctors
who'd be willing to give you
treatment on a sliding scale.
The important thing
is seeking the aid
of a competent professional.
Right.
Hello. Madame lazora?
This is Carla LeBec.
I want to make an appointment
to speak with the dead.
Speak with the dead?
You can't be serious.
I got to find out
what Eddie's trying to tell me.
Oh, great.
Thank you.
Ok, I'll see you then.
Boy, she's good.
She knew I was going to call.
Carla, this psychic business
is just a crutch
to avoid reality.
It's very easy for people
to get hooked on
this hocus-pocus.
Before you know it,
this woman'll be
holding your hand once a week,
charging you $100 an hour,
and filling your mind with
all sorts of confusing jargon.
And how is that
different from you?
Well, um...
I can prescribe drugs.
And, obviously, Dennis, I
am not alone in my belief
that the company
that manufactures
the lady baldy is irresponsible,
unconscionable,
and simply out for a quick buck.
He's being way too easy on her.
I'd have had her
in tears by now.
Well, Ms. Howe, as
you know, our crack staff
has traced through
numerous false fronts
to unearth the culprit.
Fine.
I say we have them
hunted naked through
the streets by dogs.
And we have succeeded in learning
that the makers of the lady baldy
is lesco ventures.
Ladies and gentlemen,
write that down.
Boycott all lesco
ventures products.
Which is merely a subsidiary
of a major conglomerate
owned by millionaire
financier Robin Colcord.
Nail her! Yes!
Ms. Howe,
you'll be pleased to know
we've submitted a formal
complaint in your name
to Colcord Industries.
Oh.
I didn't want to complain.
Why would I complain?
This is a wonderful product.
Look.
Now, you see that?
[Strangled] You see
how smooth and silky...
There.
Um, Ms. Howe... and
another thing, Dennis,
if you don't quit harassing
the good people who
work for lady baldy,
well, then, I'm afraid I'm gonna
have to take action against you.
Dennis, do you have
a styptic pencil?
So, Carla, what do we
have to look forward to
when madame lazora
arrives this evening?
A group of us holding
hands in a circle
around 13 black candles
while the ghost of Houdini
leads us in a rousing rendition
of don't get around
much anymore?
Frasier, if I might say so,
a good scientist does not
close his mind to alternatives,
especially when it comes
to the welfare of the patient.
Oh, that's very
open-minded, Lilith.
This, from a woman
who has left and right
sock drawers.
A person can have
different-sized feet.
We've had this discussion.
Carla.
Oh, madame lazora.
It's so good of you
to come on short notice.
My pleasure.
So, this is your workplace.
It's just as you described it.
The faces of the dead
linger here.
Whoa. Boy, oh, boy.
You mean
you're in contact with
those spirits already?
No, I was talking about
lard-butts like yourself.
Have a seat. I'm
getting things ready.
Madame Lazora,
I'm Dr. Frasier Crane,
a scientist
and a rational human being.
I feel it's my duty to warn you
that I am going to be
watching you, madame,
with a jaundiced eye,
ready to expose you
at the sign of
the first floating head.
Ooh, I'm shaking.
Young man, if you're
not careful,
you are about to lose a sum
of money in the near future.
That is amazing.
How'd she know that?
Maybe it's the wallet
hanging out of your back pocket.
Wow.
Coincidence?
I think not.
Madame Lazora, let's get
the show on the Road.
Everything's ready over here.
Madame Lazora, I'm
Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane.
Would you permit me
to observe quietly?
I'm fascinated with the notion
of parapsychological phenomena.
Well, if Carla has no objection.
You see, for my purposes,
the psychic flow is stronger,
it's more condensed
surrounded by people
who have potent
spiritual energy.
Well, you don't have
to ask me twice.
No way.
No, no, no, Carla, it's fine.
He will attract
the negative energy
away from the rest of us
like a lightning rod.
Glad to do my part.
You. You have
a nice pink aura.
Well, I, uh, eat right.
Good. Sit.
Now...
Could you kindly dim
the lights a little, please?
Now, I want you all
to concentrate
on the deceased,
and I will attempt to summon
his spirit into our midst.
I'm scared.
Norm, hold my hand.
All right.
You got it.
Woods, hold my hand.
Um, Lilith, could you
please pass me a straw?
We call upon the spirit
of the deceased
guy Edward LeBec.
Sweet spirit, we await you.
Eddie...
Speak to Carla.
[Slurping]
Sorry.
Eddie.
Eddie LeBec.
Why isn't he answering,
madame lazora?
Better you should ask
the wind why it blows
or it does not blow.
Ok. Cliff, why isn't
he answering?
Well, if you'll excuse
me, madame lazora.
The ectoplasmic membrane...
Wait, wait, wait.
I sense something.
I... I feel a presence.
[Shaking and glasses rattling]
Oh, my God!
It's Ed!
Eddie's returned.
[Glasses jingling]
Made you look, made you look!
Frasier, don't be such
an insensitive clod.
Oh, come on!
This is ridiculous!
You know, there is a reason
why she can't contact him.
You've all overlooked
one important thing.
The man is dead, people!
Was I the only one
at the funeral?
I mean, this is a sham.
This woman is a fake,
a charlatan, a mountebank.
How dare you criticize
my spiritualist!
Do you think it's easy
to communicate with the dead?
Has it ever occurred to you
that maybe it isn't her fault?
Maybe Eddie doesn't
want to be raised.
Maybe he doesn't have
anything to say to me.
Maybe he hasn't been
spooking me at all.
How do you know that the problem
isn't all in my head?
Did you ever think of
that, Mr. Big-time Shrink?
Maybe I'm just conjuring
up all these images of Eddie
because I'm afraid to
go out on my first date
in three years.
Eddie...
Eddie is here.
Eddie says you are right, Carla.
Oh. It's a miracle.
You're a genius.
Oh, for the love of God.
You saw it.
You just choose not to believe.
Why do I come in here?
Perhaps for a little
free seance action?
I'm spent.
Eddie has passed over.
The spirits have left us.
May they rest in peace.
The seance is over.
Well, thank you.
That's really something,
huh, Cliffie?
Boy, yeah, I'll say.
Boy, I've seen fire,
and I've seen rain.
Cliff, everyone's
seen fire and rain.
Oh. Well, then, I guess
I got nothing to say.
I tell ya, tonight really
made a believer out of me.
Really?
Yep. From now on,
it's beer through a straw.
Here's your check,
madame lazora.
It's worth every penny of it.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You see, Doctor?
15 minutes, $250,
and that's take-home.
I don't pay taxes.
I'm not a citizen.
If you'll excuse me,
I'm off to my Jaguar.
I left it on a loading zone.
I would hate to lose it.
I paid cash.
A Jaguar.
She's going to have problems.
Well, I got to be going.
I'm gonna try to
catch up with Darryl.
Carla, I'm glad to see
you've made your peace
with the great beyond.
Yeah. Now I'm going
to go grab a piece
of the great behind.
Go with grace, sweet spirit.
a live studio audience.
I'm sorry, Sam. All
right, I'll tell Ms. Howe.
What's the matter with Sammy?
He's not feeling well.
He ain't gonna be in today.
Ohh, a girl.
He probably won't
be in tomorrow, either.
Two girls.
He might not be in
the whole week.
The laker girls.
No, it's serious.
He thinks he might
have chicken pox.
Chicken pox.
That's...
Pretty painful for an adult
and highly contagious, too.
Ok, ladies, now, remember,
no matter how much I beg you,
don't scratch me.
Ok.
♪ Makin' your way
in the world today ♪
♪ takes everything you've got ♪
♪ takin' a break
from all your worries ♪
♪ sure would help a lot ♪
♪ wouldn't you like
to get away? ♪
♪ Sometimes you wanna go ♪
♪ where everybody
knows your name ♪
♪ and they're always
glad you came ♪
♪ you wanna be
where you can see ♪
♪ our troubles
are all the same ♪
♪ you wanna be where
everybody knows your name ♪
♪ you wanna go
where people know ♪
♪ people are all the same ♪
♪ you wanna go where
everybody knows your name ♪
Let me have a beer.
Sure.
Is Sam around?
No, he's not feeling well.
He won't be in today.
What's wrong?
Well, I miss him.
Hey, Carla, check it
out. Look who's here.
Oh, my God.
Darryl Mead,
number 43 for the Sox.
Batted .270 last year.
You should see him in
a pair of leather chaps.
When did you ever see him
in a pair of leather chaps?
Last night in my hot,
sweaty dreams.
Wait a minute.
It was rodeo night.
Yaa-hoo!
Yee-haw!
Woo hoo!
So go over there
and ask him out, huh?
What do you say?
No.
Come on, Carla.
I'm not the kind of girl
who can just
walk up to some guy and say hi.
Why, Carla, what
a refreshing thing
to hear from someone like you.
Well, why bother saying hi
when it's tattooed
on your thigh?
Where were you when
I was in college?
Carla!
Darryl!
You remembered me.
How could I forget?
You know, I saw you last night.
You were sensational.
We didn't play
a game last night.
Well, you sure scored.
So, Carla, you still married?
No, I'm a widow now.
My husband passed
away several months ago.
Oh, gee, Carla, I'm so sorry.
I remember seeing
Eddie play hockey.
He was the quickest
goalie on the ice.
I'm really sorry
about your loss.
Yeah, thanks.
It's been a few months,
but I'm still wearing black.
No, you're not.
Darryl, trust me.
Beer?
Yeah.
Looks like cupid
just shot his arrow
through Carla's heart.
Yeah. When did Carla
get a heart?
Well, kudos to Carla.
It's healthy after a time
to curtail one's grieving
and recommence an interest
in the opposite sex.
I know if my Frasier
were taken from me
in an unforeseen tragedy,
I would certainly date again
after an acceptable
period of bereavement.
That gives me a warm fuzzy.
There'd be no sense in
being overly emotional, darling.
You'd be dead
and rotting in a box.
Woody, may I have another beer,
and would you check
on the robot over there,
see if it's thirsty?
Dr. Crane,
that's your wife.
Don't talk about her like that.
What can I get you
Dr. Sternin-Crane?
Another quart of valvoline?
Oh, look, you people, stop it.
I am not a robot.
Guess what, you guys?
I'm going to be on television.
All right.
What for?
Because I wrote a letter
to consumer patrol.
Oh, consumer patrol,
with your host art stickler.
No, no, don't you remember?
Art stickler got
killed last month
testing that new
electric blanket.
He got electrocuted, huh?
No, no, no.
His wife shot him
when she found him
under it with his secretary.
They'd been off the air
for something like a month
searching for a new host.
Whereas Lilith would have
found one the next day.
So, what were you
complaining about, Ms. Howe?
Thank you for asking, Woody.
Last month I purchased
a lady baldy.
A what?
It's this electronic
device for women
and it's used to pull
leg hairs out by the roots.
I am telling you, this monster
chewed my legs to bits.
You know,
consumer patrol's had a lot
of reports from other women
about the exact same thing,
but they chose me
to appear on television.
You must have written
a very eloquent letter.
Yes, I think I did.
Also, I took a piece
of stationery
and smacked it against
my bloody, mangled legs
and sent them that, too.
Guys, you're not
going to believe this.
Darryl mead just
asked me out again.
You and Darryl Mead.
That is H-O-T.
I know!
Boy, you know, this feels weird.
What?
My first date
since Eddie's death.
Carla, it's perfectly
natural to be reticent
about reentering
the dating scene,
but, you've... you've mourned
a respectful amount of time.
You know, I know of some women
who would shimmy right
out of that black dress
and start flirting
with the embalmer.
Now I think it's time for you
to take those first
tentative steps
back into social interaction
and, dare I say it, romance.
You know, frase, you're right.
Eddie's gone, and I'm here.
Come on, Darryl, let's barrel.
Great. Let me
just settle up.
All right.
I'll get a cab.
Aaaaahhhh!
Carla, what is it?
Nothing.
Guess it was just the wind.
All right, Lilith, let's
just have out with it
once and for all.
Should I pass on,
just who is it you'd be
smacking your lips at
over my open casket?
For God's sake,
Frasier, all right.
If you were to die,
I would weep for days on end,
wear black till the end
of my life,
and never, ever, ever
let another man touch me
as long as I live.
This I would do in loving
remembrance of you. Ok?
Now, was that so hard?
Hey, you guys,
what do you think?
Is this dress all right
for consumer patrol?
Why wouldn't it be?
I'm just afraid
that the audience
might be so distracted
by my dress,
that they won't listen
to what I have to say.
That's ridiculous.
Just state your case.
All these people care about is
the grievous, bodily damage
that this product has
inflicted on your sensitive...
Firm...
Milky white flesh.
I just hope I'm prepared.
I don't want this guy
to throw me any curve balls.
Well, you want me to ask
you some practice questions?
Oh, sure, if you don't mind.
No. No problem.
Let's see.
Ok, I got it.
Now, when you
purchased the lady baldy,
you knew full well
that it pulls hairs
out by the root, correct?
Yes, I did.
Wouldn't you have to
be a complete idiot
not to expect some
irritation or discomfort?
Come on, what's your
answer? We're on television.
Thousands of people
are watching.
Ok, ok.
Well, I guess...
Oh, you guess?
Great, great.
You guess. Hey,
this is a news show.
We're here for the facts.
All right, so, the facts are...
Bzzt! Too late. They've
gone to commercial.
You're what was.
Woody, that was
a mean, vicious streak.
I've never seen
that side of you.
Where does that come from?
Well, our theater's
doing a production
of twelve angry men.
Yeah?
We've only got six,
so we have to be,
like, twice as furious.
Hi, guys.
Oh. Back so soon from
your date with Darryl Mead?
Yeah. I left Darryl
at the restaurant.
I'm feeling kind of funny.
Uh-oh. You're not coming
down with something, are you?
Are you coming down
with Sam's chicken pox?
No.
I just keep seeing my dead
husband Eddie everywhere.
Is he covered with spots?
Carla, when you say
you keep seeing Eddie,
just what do you mean?
Just what I said.
I was having dinner with Darryl.
All of a sudden, I look down,
and I start seeing
Eddie's face everywhere.
It was so strange.
I looked at my steak,
I see Eddie's face.
I look at my broccoli,
I see Eddie's face.
We've all seen that.
I mean,
let's face it, Eddie
looked like broccoli.
What a terrible
experience, Carla.
Um, what do you suppose
triggered this
bizarre apparition?
Well, it's obvious, isn't it?
Eddie's spirit does not
want me to be on that date.
He's come back
from beyond the grave
to tell me not to go out
with Darryl Mead.
Oh, Carla, you can't be serious.
Ghouls do not rise
from their resting place
just to ruin your dating life.
Vera did.
Why wouldn't Eddie want
you to go out with Darryl?
I don't know, but there
must be a good reason.
Anyway, I get
the message, Eddie.
You hear that?
I'm not going out
with Darryl mead. Ok?
Thanks for the warning.
Feel free to rest in peace now.
Well, glad that's over with.
So what'll it be?
Aah!
Oh! Oh!
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Aah! Oh! Aah!
[Bell rings]
No! No!
Carla, it's all right.
He's over there!
He's over there!
Carla, listen to me.
Carla, Carla, listen
to me. Listen to me.
Open your eyes and look around.
Now, you see?
Nobody's there.
Oh, the dead!
No, no, Carla,
Carla, that's Lilith!
Granted, she could
use a little sun.
Now, Carla...
C-Carla...
Um...here, Carla...
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Carla.
I should have warned you.
How's the toe,
Dr. Crane?
Not so good, Woody.
Thanks.
I should have warned
you about the tricks
the mind can play on one
during periods of
emotional transition.
It wasn't a trick, Frasier.
I saw him. I saw Eddie.
He was... he was everywhere.
I mean, this bar was
lousy with Eddies.
Uhh! Uhh! Ooh! Ooh!
He's got something to tell me.
And it's more than just
me going out with Darryl.
He's got a message
from beyond the grave,
and he's not gonna rest
until he tells me what it is.
Carla, listen to me.
I think it's important
that you talk with someone.
Oh, yes.
Frasier, I've got
to talk to somebody.
I'd be glad to give you a
list of reputable doctors
who'd be willing to give you
treatment on a sliding scale.
The important thing
is seeking the aid
of a competent professional.
Right.
Hello. Madame lazora?
This is Carla LeBec.
I want to make an appointment
to speak with the dead.
Speak with the dead?
You can't be serious.
I got to find out
what Eddie's trying to tell me.
Oh, great.
Thank you.
Ok, I'll see you then.
Boy, she's good.
She knew I was going to call.
Carla, this psychic business
is just a crutch
to avoid reality.
It's very easy for people
to get hooked on
this hocus-pocus.
Before you know it,
this woman'll be
holding your hand once a week,
charging you $100 an hour,
and filling your mind with
all sorts of confusing jargon.
And how is that
different from you?
Well, um...
I can prescribe drugs.
And, obviously, Dennis, I
am not alone in my belief
that the company
that manufactures
the lady baldy is irresponsible,
unconscionable,
and simply out for a quick buck.
He's being way too easy on her.
I'd have had her
in tears by now.
Well, Ms. Howe, as
you know, our crack staff
has traced through
numerous false fronts
to unearth the culprit.
Fine.
I say we have them
hunted naked through
the streets by dogs.
And we have succeeded in learning
that the makers of the lady baldy
is lesco ventures.
Ladies and gentlemen,
write that down.
Boycott all lesco
ventures products.
Which is merely a subsidiary
of a major conglomerate
owned by millionaire
financier Robin Colcord.
Nail her! Yes!
Ms. Howe,
you'll be pleased to know
we've submitted a formal
complaint in your name
to Colcord Industries.
Oh.
I didn't want to complain.
Why would I complain?
This is a wonderful product.
Look.
Now, you see that?
[Strangled] You see
how smooth and silky...
There.
Um, Ms. Howe... and
another thing, Dennis,
if you don't quit harassing
the good people who
work for lady baldy,
well, then, I'm afraid I'm gonna
have to take action against you.
Dennis, do you have
a styptic pencil?
So, Carla, what do we
have to look forward to
when madame lazora
arrives this evening?
A group of us holding
hands in a circle
around 13 black candles
while the ghost of Houdini
leads us in a rousing rendition
of don't get around
much anymore?
Frasier, if I might say so,
a good scientist does not
close his mind to alternatives,
especially when it comes
to the welfare of the patient.
Oh, that's very
open-minded, Lilith.
This, from a woman
who has left and right
sock drawers.
A person can have
different-sized feet.
We've had this discussion.
Carla.
Oh, madame lazora.
It's so good of you
to come on short notice.
My pleasure.
So, this is your workplace.
It's just as you described it.
The faces of the dead
linger here.
Whoa. Boy, oh, boy.
You mean
you're in contact with
those spirits already?
No, I was talking about
lard-butts like yourself.
Have a seat. I'm
getting things ready.
Madame Lazora,
I'm Dr. Frasier Crane,
a scientist
and a rational human being.
I feel it's my duty to warn you
that I am going to be
watching you, madame,
with a jaundiced eye,
ready to expose you
at the sign of
the first floating head.
Ooh, I'm shaking.
Young man, if you're
not careful,
you are about to lose a sum
of money in the near future.
That is amazing.
How'd she know that?
Maybe it's the wallet
hanging out of your back pocket.
Wow.
Coincidence?
I think not.
Madame Lazora, let's get
the show on the Road.
Everything's ready over here.
Madame Lazora, I'm
Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane.
Would you permit me
to observe quietly?
I'm fascinated with the notion
of parapsychological phenomena.
Well, if Carla has no objection.
You see, for my purposes,
the psychic flow is stronger,
it's more condensed
surrounded by people
who have potent
spiritual energy.
Well, you don't have
to ask me twice.
No way.
No, no, no, Carla, it's fine.
He will attract
the negative energy
away from the rest of us
like a lightning rod.
Glad to do my part.
You. You have
a nice pink aura.
Well, I, uh, eat right.
Good. Sit.
Now...
Could you kindly dim
the lights a little, please?
Now, I want you all
to concentrate
on the deceased,
and I will attempt to summon
his spirit into our midst.
I'm scared.
Norm, hold my hand.
All right.
You got it.
Woods, hold my hand.
Um, Lilith, could you
please pass me a straw?
We call upon the spirit
of the deceased
guy Edward LeBec.
Sweet spirit, we await you.
Eddie...
Speak to Carla.
[Slurping]
Sorry.
Eddie.
Eddie LeBec.
Why isn't he answering,
madame lazora?
Better you should ask
the wind why it blows
or it does not blow.
Ok. Cliff, why isn't
he answering?
Well, if you'll excuse
me, madame lazora.
The ectoplasmic membrane...
Wait, wait, wait.
I sense something.
I... I feel a presence.
[Shaking and glasses rattling]
Oh, my God!
It's Ed!
Eddie's returned.
[Glasses jingling]
Made you look, made you look!
Frasier, don't be such
an insensitive clod.
Oh, come on!
This is ridiculous!
You know, there is a reason
why she can't contact him.
You've all overlooked
one important thing.
The man is dead, people!
Was I the only one
at the funeral?
I mean, this is a sham.
This woman is a fake,
a charlatan, a mountebank.
How dare you criticize
my spiritualist!
Do you think it's easy
to communicate with the dead?
Has it ever occurred to you
that maybe it isn't her fault?
Maybe Eddie doesn't
want to be raised.
Maybe he doesn't have
anything to say to me.
Maybe he hasn't been
spooking me at all.
How do you know that the problem
isn't all in my head?
Did you ever think of
that, Mr. Big-time Shrink?
Maybe I'm just conjuring
up all these images of Eddie
because I'm afraid to
go out on my first date
in three years.
Eddie...
Eddie is here.
Eddie says you are right, Carla.
Oh. It's a miracle.
You're a genius.
Oh, for the love of God.
You saw it.
You just choose not to believe.
Why do I come in here?
Perhaps for a little
free seance action?
I'm spent.
Eddie has passed over.
The spirits have left us.
May they rest in peace.
The seance is over.
Well, thank you.
That's really something,
huh, Cliffie?
Boy, yeah, I'll say.
Boy, I've seen fire,
and I've seen rain.
Cliff, everyone's
seen fire and rain.
Oh. Well, then, I guess
I got nothing to say.
I tell ya, tonight really
made a believer out of me.
Really?
Yep. From now on,
it's beer through a straw.
Here's your check,
madame lazora.
It's worth every penny of it.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You see, Doctor?
15 minutes, $250,
and that's take-home.
I don't pay taxes.
I'm not a citizen.
If you'll excuse me,
I'm off to my Jaguar.
I left it on a loading zone.
I would hate to lose it.
I paid cash.
A Jaguar.
She's going to have problems.
Well, I got to be going.
I'm gonna try to
catch up with Darryl.
Carla, I'm glad to see
you've made your peace
with the great beyond.
Yeah. Now I'm going
to go grab a piece
of the great behind.
Go with grace, sweet spirit.