Cheers (1982–1993): Season 7, Episode 8 - Jumping Jerks - full transcript
Woody, Norm and Cliff come bounding into the bar after a drunken evening of watching The Magnificent Seven (1960), and are feeling all macho. They talk about the lack of danger in everyday life, and crave for such. Another patron in the bar, Bob Speakes, is a skydiving instructor and suggests that they give skydiving a try. The three are all talk and no action, but finally agree to do it after Carla goads them into it. The next day, the three are up in a plane ready for the jump. They all chicken out, the first men ever in Bob's history of teaching that have ever done so. However, the three make a pact that they will say to the gang at the bar that they did it, keeping the story nice and simple: they jumped, the chutes opened, they landed. The two problems are Cliff, who needs to embellish the story to pump up his own so-called extraordinary achievements, and Woody, who has never told a lie in his life. Carla doesn't believe that they did it, until Woody, who is nervous in the lie, says that they did. He manages to convince Carla in the lie. Sam is jealous of the three as he's always wanted to skydive, and talks the three of them into taking him up for a jump. They can't weasel out of it, but especially Woody feels that, given another chance, he could do it and the lies he told would no longer be lies. Back up in the plane the following day, the three chicken out once again and the truth comes out that they didn't jump before. But Sam also chickens out, and suggests they continue with the lie. Back at the bar, the guys talk up a storm, and Rebecca suggests that they do one more jump holding a banner advertising Cheers, the act filmed by a camera crew. They all talk her out of the idea until she infers that the macho bravado of the act might be enough for her to go to bed with Sam, which is enough for him to agree. Will it be third time lucky for the four?
Cheers is filmed before
a live, studio audience.
Thank you for caring.
You see, Sam?
And you said very few of our
customers would care enough
to write down suggestions.
No, I said very few of
our customers could write.
Well, you are wrong.
I mean, look at all of these.
Read that.
Let's see how we can make Cheers
more responsive to
its customers' needs.
Uh... "Cheers should
have a happy hour."
Not legal in the state
of Massachusetts.
All right.
"Serve hot hors d'oeuvres."
Conflict of interest
with Melville's.
Oh, the old place is
really shaping up, isn't it?
You know, there's got to be
one practical suggestion in here.
Now here's one.
Oh... ooh, it's a long one.
That means someone really cared.
"The thing I like
best about Cheers
"is the sense of warmth and
affection I get from the employees,
"especially the manager,
who seems to be a generous,
open-hearted woman."
Did you hear that? The manager.
"In fact,
"the only thing needed
"to complete the loving
family feeling of this bar,
"would be if the manager
made the naked pretzel
with the bartender."
♪ Making your way
in the world today ♪
♪ Takes everything you've got ♪
♪ Taking a break
from all your worries ♪
♪ Sure would help a lot ♪
♪ Wouldn't you
like to get away? ♪
♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪
♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪
♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪
♪ You want to be
where you can see ♪
♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪
♪ You want to be where
everybody knows your name ♪
♪ You want to go
where people know ♪
♪ People are all the same ♪
♪ You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ♪
Sammy, Magnificent Seven!
Great movie.
No, that's my order.
Come on.
Hey, I never sat down
at this bar as a customer.
What's good here?
I've heard the beer's okay.
You guys seem pretty
pumped up tonight.
Where you been?
We rented some movies
and watched them over
at Mr. Clavin's apartment.
Don't you guys ever
watch anything but
The Magnificent Seven?
Oh, as a matter of fact,
we rented The
Magnificent Ambersons,
but, uh, watched it
for a couple minutes
and realized it wasn't a sequel,
so we went back to watching
The Magnificent Seven.
Oh, yeah. Boy, you know,
that must have been
really something,
living back in the
Old West, you know?
When men were men,
settling a new frontier.
Yeah, you know,
I think in one of my past lives,
I lived in the Old West.
As far as I recall, I
handled myself pretty well.
No one could pull a
buckboard like you, Clavin.
Yeah, hey, you know
what the trouble is
with the world we live in?
Yeah.
There's no danger.
There's no opportunity
for three independent
hombres like ourselves
to stare death in the face and
conquer it on our own terms.
What about skydiving?
You'd think there'd
be some thrilling,
dangerous endeavor
we could try, you know?
Why don't you try skydiving?
Yeah, everything's just
too darn safe in this world.
I teach skydiving.
I'd take you up anytime.
Hey, I've got an idea!
What about skydiving?
You mean,
actually jumping out
of an airplane, Woody?
It ain't that bad. I've
seen a lot of movies
of guys skydiving.
They're just
floating in the air.
Oh, yeah, yeah, they're
just floating in the air,
but the Earth is hurdling
upwards at 100 miles an hour.
Guys, take it from someone
who's done it well over 2,000 times.
You'll never get over the
thrill of letting go of that plane
and falling through space.
You'll never feel such
freedom in your life.
Who the hell are you?
Bob Speaks.
I'm with the jump
club out in Weymouth.
Yeah, well, very nice to
make your acquaintance, Bob.
Now, butt out.
Sorry, I didn't know you
guys were just blowing smoke.
But if you're serious,
we could start in the morning,
go through a brief orientation,
I'd have you jumping by noon.
Boy, are you barking
up the wrong tree.
These are the three
biggest cowards in Boston.
Hey! Who you calling coward?
You three cocktail weenies.
You guys don't have
the guts to go up there.
Hey, now, don't force them.
Not everyone has what it takes.
Whoa, hey, just a second, pal.
We got what it takes.
We got all kinds
of what it takes.
We could do it if we wanted to.
Just the question
is, do we want to?
Right? Cliffie?
Want to?
Try and stop me, sucker.
Hey, guys, don't
leave me out of this.
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, fellas.
It's late and you've
had a few beers.
You'll agree to anything.
Damn right we will.
Yeah, yeah.
We all agreed?
Yeah, yeah!
What's the matter?
No, I just caught one of
my armpit hairs in my T-shirt.
Wow, he really did it.
He was so scared in class.
Okay, next.
Who's he talking to?
Us, I think.
Okay, just like he did.
Stand in the door,
count to three, jump.
Wait 20 seconds, pull
the rip cord, no sweat.
Hey! Not a problem
there, huh, men?
I mean, uh, we're men, right?
You got it, man.
Let's go, men.
We're still over the jump zone.
I don't want to not sound
like a man or nothing,
but this doesn't seem
like as much fun as
it sounded last night.
Uh, great, Woody, now
you've gone and done it.
I mean, uh, we're all
pumped up, ready to go,
and now you went and
spoiled the whole thing.
It's not fun anymore.
Let's go back.
You know something, Cliffie?
When you're right,
you're right, pal.
Turn the plane
around, will ya, Bob?
Are you sure?
None of you wants to go?
You don't think we're
chicken, do you, Bob?
Oh, don't be silly.
It's no disgrace.
This happens all the time.
Of course, it's always
been the ladies.
You're the first guys.
Well, you hear that?
We're trailblazers.
Hey, oh, yeah.
There you go.
Okay, what are we gonna
tell the guys back at Cheers?
I mean, we were mouthing
off pretty good last night.
No problem, Woody.
We just walk in the bar,
we look those guys
straight in the eye,
and we lie our socks off.
I like it.
We can't do that.
Why not? Who's gonna know?
Just, uh, us and the guy
who jumped out before us.
And he's probably dead by now.
I can't do that. I can't lie.
I can't.
We've got to stick
together, here.
I mean, we made a pact.
Men together.
It's, uh... it's male bonding.
Right. Which includes lying
and chickening out together.
All right.
But I've got to say
I'm not proud of myself.
So what?
Cliffie and I never are.
Okay, what we need now
is a story.
One that we can stick to, okay?
So whatever we do,
we make it simple
and believable.
All right, I got it.
We jumped, the chutes
opened and we landed.
Perfect.
Good, good. Now...
in what order?
Okay, let's make the
story a little simpler.
Well, there wasn't
really a whole lot to it.
You know,
we jumped, the chutes
opened, we landed.
Yeah, yeah,
the pilot and the instructor
said they'd never seen
a first-timer do a triple
backwards somersault and land...
and land square,
right on the bull's-eye.
So, Woody...
how'd you like it?
Oh, he's not much
for talking, Sammy.
Not Woody.
He's, uh, he's a man of action.
A simple man,
like me.
We both appreciate
a simple story.
The, uh,
kind of story you can stick to.
Boy, I tell you.
I've always wanted to skydive.
I've just never had the guts.
What did it feel like?
Well, I imagine it's a
lot like sex, Sammy.
Well, not that I have
to imagine what sex is like.
I've had plenty of sex,
and plenty of this, too.
Why don't you just
get off my back, okay?
Sammy, you don't
believe these guys, do you?
They didn't jump.
You two weaseled out of
here last night, went home,
you curled up with your wife,
and you got under the sheets
with your flashlight
and Barbie doll.
Come on, Carla, they
wouldn't make this up.
Oh, yeah?
Hey, Corncob.
Who, me?
No, the other corncob.
Look... if Woody here,
who has never
told a little white fib
in his whole entire life,
because he knows
that if he does,
he'd go straight to
H-E-double hockey sticks,
says that they jumped,
then they jumped.
Now, Woody...
Did you and your two
playmates over there,
really, really jump
out of an airplane?
Well... we went up in the plane.
I remember, 'cause I was there.
Yeah?
We were very high
and we looked down...
Did I mention we
were in the plane?
Yeah.
And the people looked like ants.
Although, the kind of
ants you can hardly...
Woody, did you jump?!
Yes, I jumped, the
parachute opened, I landed.
It was all very
simple and believable.
God!
I don't believe you
guys really did it.
But Woody never lies,
so I guess it's the truth.
Did you jump?
Yes.
Jump?
Yes.
Yes!
Well, I've got to
give you guys credit.
You know, I'd like
to try that someday.
Yeah, well, everybody
says "someday," Sammy.
But only a precious few of
us have the maracas to try it.
Cliffie...
Hey, wait a minute...
Hey, listen, I've
got maracas here.
Uh, all right,
I tell you what.
Why don't the three of
you take me out, huh?
Tomorrow, maybe?
Tomorrow?
Yeah.
Is that okay with you, Norm?
Actually, you know, m-my parachute
is at the dry cleaners, Sammy.
They were talking like
Wednesday, Thursday, you know.
Oh, come on,
what are you guys trying
to weasel out of this?
Oh, hey, we live for the jump.
Well, all right then, great.
Let's do it, huh?
Woody, what do you say?
We did it, okay? We jumped!
What do you want from me?
It's okay, it's okay.
It's all right.
Guys, guys, we gotta talk.
Uh, jump pow-wow.
Sammy, you wouldn't understand.
Listen, guys, you don't have to,
but I'm gonna go with Sam, okay?
I mean, I can't live
with the lie and if I do it,
then what I said
won't actually be a lie.
Now, Woody, uh, you
wouldn't tell everybody else
that we didn't jump, would you?
Not unless they ask me.
Then I'd have to tell them.
What do you say, Cliffie?
I mean, maybe we just
had to get up there once,
you know, get the feel of it.
Maybe this time
we'd actually jump.
Uh... well, heck,
I'll do it if you'll do it.
Well, you know I'll do it.
Hey, well, I'll do it.
All right, then.
All right, let's do it.
Let's do it.
All right, come on! Okay! Sammy!
Yeah!
Tomorrow morning,
6:00 a.m. sharp.
All right!
Jump, jump, jump!
Oh, damn!
I thought Clavin
was up on the ledge.
Okay, Sammy.
Time to take that
first big step, buddy.
I kind of thought maybe
one of you guys would go first.
Good, God, man, why?
Well, because
you've done it before
and you know what
you're doing, you know?
Give me a chance
to see how it's done.
See if you make it.
Fair enough.
You're up!
No, no, no, if you recall,
Cliff, I jumped first last time.
You go.
Woody!
What?
You go.
Make me.
Hey, you know something, men?
All this bickering
is really kind of killing
my concentration.
Now, I thought the spirit
of this whole adventure
was some sort of togetherness.
Me, I don't feel it.
I think we ought to just turn
the plane around and go back.
Fine, Norm, you know,
if that's how you
feel, that's okay.
I'm not going to jump either.
I'm going to wait,
so, uh, listen, Bob...
Oh, wait a minute.
You guys didn't jump.
You just made
that up, didn't you?
Oh, yeah, right.
Hey, Cliff.
Did you jump?
No.
That's great.
So you come back
to the bar and you lie
and you stir up
everybody's imagination
to the point where
you get me up here.
I mean, that's low.
You know something?
I'm gonna do it anyway.
It's not often you get a
second chance at life.
What? What are
you talking about?
There was this night when I
was playing in Tiger Stadium
towards the end of my career.
I'd been on the
bottle for a while
and the coach
hadn't been using me.
But this was gonna
be a big game,
so I decided I wouldn't
have a drink all day long.
I was dying, but I knew
this would be my last chance
to prove myself as a
major league pitcher.
Sure enough,
late innings, the
call comes down...
Send Malone in.
I told them that
I couldn't play.
My arm hurt.
I chickened out.
I was afraid to go out there.
I turned tail and I slunk
back to the locker room,
And I've regretted it
every day of my life.
And I'll tell you
something, damn it.
I'm not going to let
that happen this time.
I'm going out there.
Okay, Bob, what do I do here?
Remember what I told you.
Get down on the
door, count to three, go.
One, two...
Okay, here's our story.
Well, nobody really planned it.
We just all went
out at the same time
and decided to grab hands
and there we were in this
four-leaf clover formation.
We were kind of like
the June Taylor
dancers out there.
It's kind of a male
bonding thing
to give yourself a nickname.
Well, I applaud your bravery,
but I must say I
thought we'd advanced
beyond the notion that
a real man risks his life
in pointless
confrontations with death.
I thought we pretty
much accepted
that a real man is someone
who makes gobs
and gobs of money...
like me.
Well, see you later, sisters.
You know something?
I-I just had this wild idea.
Do you think you guys
could jump out of an airplane
holding a large banner
that said "Cheers"?
For any particular reason?
Well, I was just thinking
of one of the comments
I got in the suggestion box.
It said, "You have a
really great bar here,
but why keep it a secret?
Why don't you publicize more?"
We could have a
cameraman shoot it,
maybe even get it on the news.
Whoa, hold on a second here.
You're talking about taking a
pure sport such as skydiving
and tainting it for
commercial gain?
Yeah, yeah.
Come on.
A thing like that could
have a tremendous impact.
Hey, so could I.
Well, maybe it isn't
such a good idea.
Maybe I was wrong.
Besides, I might have gone ahead
and made a fool of myself
and given in to temptation.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
What do you mean?
Oh, I just think
it's really exciting,
all the danger of drifting
through space, you know?
I mean, I really wish
there was some way
that I could capture
that feeling of total
abandonment while making love.
Talk about a turn on.
Please, do.
Let's just say that this
kind of masculine bravado
is too sexy for me to resist.
Could you wait right
here for a minute?
Could I talk to the June
Taylor dancers in the hall?
Sammy? Sammy?
Sammy, wait a second now.
Hey, whoa. Now listen to me.
Okay, now remember,
this time when you jump...
out of the plane,
hold on to the
bottom of the banner
and let it spread out
so that Otto can
get a good shot of it.
Okay, question.
How are we supposed
to pull our ripcord
and hold on to the
banner at the same time?
You won't be pulling the
rip cord for 20 seconds.
Just count like this.
One Mississippi,
two Mississippi...
Excuse me. Could we make
it a shorter state, like Maine?
You know, one Maine,
two Maine, three Maine?
Look, you don't have to do this.
Yeah, I could arrange
to have some stunt
guys I know jump for you.
Whoa, hold on now.
You're talking about,
uh, money for you guys,
money for Otto here,
money for the plane, right?
Then we're going
to hire a stunt crew
and all their equipment?
That's gonna run us what,
$3,000, $4,000, $5,000, right?
Yeah, at least.
I'm comfortable with that.
That's fine with me.
Vera has some money
from when her folks died.
We'll just dip into that.
What a relief, huh?
Hey, I tell ya, it's not as hard
to chicken out this time, is it?
No, no, Sammy.
The more you do
something, the easier it gets.
Go to heck in a handcart.
I can't eat, I can't sleep.
I was embarrassed to talk to my
mom on the phone the other day.
I'd rather die like a fool
than live like a coward!
Geronimo!
He jumped.
I don't believe it. He jumped!
He's not up here.
He's down there falling.
Hey, Woody, is it scary?
Well, that's it,
man. I'm doing it.
I'm going out there.
Really?
You betcha.
Wow, so you don't
want to pay the money,
so you're gonna take the
chicken route, huh, Sam?
No, I'm doing this for Rebecca.
I figure the farther I
fall, the hotter she gets.
Who's with me?
I am, Sammy.
Norm, you turncoat you!
No, Cliffie, it's as if my
whole life came down
to this one moment!
And if I jump and I make it,
I prove to myself that
I am worth something.
That there's a reason
for me being on this Earth.
Then I can just sit down
and plant it on that bar stool
for the rest of
my life. Let's go!
Yeah?
Okay, let's turn it around.
No, I'm going.
I'm going.
I'm-I'm going. I'm... going.
Okay, uh, I'm going now.
One, two...
Push me, shove
me. I got to do this.
Kick me like a dog.
I can't do that.
Uh, oh.
What? What?
We're out of fuel.
We're going down!
Not with me you're not.
Okay, Rick, he's gone.
It works every time.
You guys did it.
You actually did it.
Look at them.
Look at them up there.
And there's the banner.
Well, I wouldn't
have believed it
if I didn't see it with
my own two eyes.
Chickens can fly.
Boy, I feel good, Sam.
This is the greatest
I've ever felt in my life.
I'm thinking about doing
something really crazy.
Yeah, me, too, Woody.
I'm thinking about having sex.
Sam, I think we're carrying
this male bonding thing
a little too far.
Not with me, I mean Rebecca.
Now you're talking.
No, Woody, no, not you.
Say, now that
you've seen all that skydiving,
how do you feel about
an evening of magic?
Well, I have to admit,
after seeing that tape,
my body feels kind
of tingly all over.
Well, I think a very
special evening
with a very special skydiver
could only enhance that feeling.
I couldn't agree more.
Hi, Rebecca, you
all ready to go?
Oh, hi, Bob.
I'll be with you in
just one second.
Bob? What about me?
Bob didn't jump
out of that plane.
And Bob didn't blow
chow at 5,000 feet.
Bye, Sam.
a live, studio audience.
Thank you for caring.
You see, Sam?
And you said very few of our
customers would care enough
to write down suggestions.
No, I said very few of
our customers could write.
Well, you are wrong.
I mean, look at all of these.
Read that.
Let's see how we can make Cheers
more responsive to
its customers' needs.
Uh... "Cheers should
have a happy hour."
Not legal in the state
of Massachusetts.
All right.
"Serve hot hors d'oeuvres."
Conflict of interest
with Melville's.
Oh, the old place is
really shaping up, isn't it?
You know, there's got to be
one practical suggestion in here.
Now here's one.
Oh... ooh, it's a long one.
That means someone really cared.
"The thing I like
best about Cheers
"is the sense of warmth and
affection I get from the employees,
"especially the manager,
who seems to be a generous,
open-hearted woman."
Did you hear that? The manager.
"In fact,
"the only thing needed
"to complete the loving
family feeling of this bar,
"would be if the manager
made the naked pretzel
with the bartender."
♪ Making your way
in the world today ♪
♪ Takes everything you've got ♪
♪ Taking a break
from all your worries ♪
♪ Sure would help a lot ♪
♪ Wouldn't you
like to get away? ♪
♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪
♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪
♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪
♪ You want to be
where you can see ♪
♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪
♪ You want to be where
everybody knows your name ♪
♪ You want to go
where people know ♪
♪ People are all the same ♪
♪ You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ♪
Sammy, Magnificent Seven!
Great movie.
No, that's my order.
Come on.
Hey, I never sat down
at this bar as a customer.
What's good here?
I've heard the beer's okay.
You guys seem pretty
pumped up tonight.
Where you been?
We rented some movies
and watched them over
at Mr. Clavin's apartment.
Don't you guys ever
watch anything but
The Magnificent Seven?
Oh, as a matter of fact,
we rented The
Magnificent Ambersons,
but, uh, watched it
for a couple minutes
and realized it wasn't a sequel,
so we went back to watching
The Magnificent Seven.
Oh, yeah. Boy, you know,
that must have been
really something,
living back in the
Old West, you know?
When men were men,
settling a new frontier.
Yeah, you know,
I think in one of my past lives,
I lived in the Old West.
As far as I recall, I
handled myself pretty well.
No one could pull a
buckboard like you, Clavin.
Yeah, hey, you know
what the trouble is
with the world we live in?
Yeah.
There's no danger.
There's no opportunity
for three independent
hombres like ourselves
to stare death in the face and
conquer it on our own terms.
What about skydiving?
You'd think there'd
be some thrilling,
dangerous endeavor
we could try, you know?
Why don't you try skydiving?
Yeah, everything's just
too darn safe in this world.
I teach skydiving.
I'd take you up anytime.
Hey, I've got an idea!
What about skydiving?
You mean,
actually jumping out
of an airplane, Woody?
It ain't that bad. I've
seen a lot of movies
of guys skydiving.
They're just
floating in the air.
Oh, yeah, yeah, they're
just floating in the air,
but the Earth is hurdling
upwards at 100 miles an hour.
Guys, take it from someone
who's done it well over 2,000 times.
You'll never get over the
thrill of letting go of that plane
and falling through space.
You'll never feel such
freedom in your life.
Who the hell are you?
Bob Speaks.
I'm with the jump
club out in Weymouth.
Yeah, well, very nice to
make your acquaintance, Bob.
Now, butt out.
Sorry, I didn't know you
guys were just blowing smoke.
But if you're serious,
we could start in the morning,
go through a brief orientation,
I'd have you jumping by noon.
Boy, are you barking
up the wrong tree.
These are the three
biggest cowards in Boston.
Hey! Who you calling coward?
You three cocktail weenies.
You guys don't have
the guts to go up there.
Hey, now, don't force them.
Not everyone has what it takes.
Whoa, hey, just a second, pal.
We got what it takes.
We got all kinds
of what it takes.
We could do it if we wanted to.
Just the question
is, do we want to?
Right? Cliffie?
Want to?
Try and stop me, sucker.
Hey, guys, don't
leave me out of this.
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, fellas.
It's late and you've
had a few beers.
You'll agree to anything.
Damn right we will.
Yeah, yeah.
We all agreed?
Yeah, yeah!
What's the matter?
No, I just caught one of
my armpit hairs in my T-shirt.
Wow, he really did it.
He was so scared in class.
Okay, next.
Who's he talking to?
Us, I think.
Okay, just like he did.
Stand in the door,
count to three, jump.
Wait 20 seconds, pull
the rip cord, no sweat.
Hey! Not a problem
there, huh, men?
I mean, uh, we're men, right?
You got it, man.
Let's go, men.
We're still over the jump zone.
I don't want to not sound
like a man or nothing,
but this doesn't seem
like as much fun as
it sounded last night.
Uh, great, Woody, now
you've gone and done it.
I mean, uh, we're all
pumped up, ready to go,
and now you went and
spoiled the whole thing.
It's not fun anymore.
Let's go back.
You know something, Cliffie?
When you're right,
you're right, pal.
Turn the plane
around, will ya, Bob?
Are you sure?
None of you wants to go?
You don't think we're
chicken, do you, Bob?
Oh, don't be silly.
It's no disgrace.
This happens all the time.
Of course, it's always
been the ladies.
You're the first guys.
Well, you hear that?
We're trailblazers.
Hey, oh, yeah.
There you go.
Okay, what are we gonna
tell the guys back at Cheers?
I mean, we were mouthing
off pretty good last night.
No problem, Woody.
We just walk in the bar,
we look those guys
straight in the eye,
and we lie our socks off.
I like it.
We can't do that.
Why not? Who's gonna know?
Just, uh, us and the guy
who jumped out before us.
And he's probably dead by now.
I can't do that. I can't lie.
I can't.
We've got to stick
together, here.
I mean, we made a pact.
Men together.
It's, uh... it's male bonding.
Right. Which includes lying
and chickening out together.
All right.
But I've got to say
I'm not proud of myself.
So what?
Cliffie and I never are.
Okay, what we need now
is a story.
One that we can stick to, okay?
So whatever we do,
we make it simple
and believable.
All right, I got it.
We jumped, the chutes
opened and we landed.
Perfect.
Good, good. Now...
in what order?
Okay, let's make the
story a little simpler.
Well, there wasn't
really a whole lot to it.
You know,
we jumped, the chutes
opened, we landed.
Yeah, yeah,
the pilot and the instructor
said they'd never seen
a first-timer do a triple
backwards somersault and land...
and land square,
right on the bull's-eye.
So, Woody...
how'd you like it?
Oh, he's not much
for talking, Sammy.
Not Woody.
He's, uh, he's a man of action.
A simple man,
like me.
We both appreciate
a simple story.
The, uh,
kind of story you can stick to.
Boy, I tell you.
I've always wanted to skydive.
I've just never had the guts.
What did it feel like?
Well, I imagine it's a
lot like sex, Sammy.
Well, not that I have
to imagine what sex is like.
I've had plenty of sex,
and plenty of this, too.
Why don't you just
get off my back, okay?
Sammy, you don't
believe these guys, do you?
They didn't jump.
You two weaseled out of
here last night, went home,
you curled up with your wife,
and you got under the sheets
with your flashlight
and Barbie doll.
Come on, Carla, they
wouldn't make this up.
Oh, yeah?
Hey, Corncob.
Who, me?
No, the other corncob.
Look... if Woody here,
who has never
told a little white fib
in his whole entire life,
because he knows
that if he does,
he'd go straight to
H-E-double hockey sticks,
says that they jumped,
then they jumped.
Now, Woody...
Did you and your two
playmates over there,
really, really jump
out of an airplane?
Well... we went up in the plane.
I remember, 'cause I was there.
Yeah?
We were very high
and we looked down...
Did I mention we
were in the plane?
Yeah.
And the people looked like ants.
Although, the kind of
ants you can hardly...
Woody, did you jump?!
Yes, I jumped, the
parachute opened, I landed.
It was all very
simple and believable.
God!
I don't believe you
guys really did it.
But Woody never lies,
so I guess it's the truth.
Did you jump?
Yes.
Jump?
Yes.
Yes!
Well, I've got to
give you guys credit.
You know, I'd like
to try that someday.
Yeah, well, everybody
says "someday," Sammy.
But only a precious few of
us have the maracas to try it.
Cliffie...
Hey, wait a minute...
Hey, listen, I've
got maracas here.
Uh, all right,
I tell you what.
Why don't the three of
you take me out, huh?
Tomorrow, maybe?
Tomorrow?
Yeah.
Is that okay with you, Norm?
Actually, you know, m-my parachute
is at the dry cleaners, Sammy.
They were talking like
Wednesday, Thursday, you know.
Oh, come on,
what are you guys trying
to weasel out of this?
Oh, hey, we live for the jump.
Well, all right then, great.
Let's do it, huh?
Woody, what do you say?
We did it, okay? We jumped!
What do you want from me?
It's okay, it's okay.
It's all right.
Guys, guys, we gotta talk.
Uh, jump pow-wow.
Sammy, you wouldn't understand.
Listen, guys, you don't have to,
but I'm gonna go with Sam, okay?
I mean, I can't live
with the lie and if I do it,
then what I said
won't actually be a lie.
Now, Woody, uh, you
wouldn't tell everybody else
that we didn't jump, would you?
Not unless they ask me.
Then I'd have to tell them.
What do you say, Cliffie?
I mean, maybe we just
had to get up there once,
you know, get the feel of it.
Maybe this time
we'd actually jump.
Uh... well, heck,
I'll do it if you'll do it.
Well, you know I'll do it.
Hey, well, I'll do it.
All right, then.
All right, let's do it.
Let's do it.
All right, come on! Okay! Sammy!
Yeah!
Tomorrow morning,
6:00 a.m. sharp.
All right!
Jump, jump, jump!
Oh, damn!
I thought Clavin
was up on the ledge.
Okay, Sammy.
Time to take that
first big step, buddy.
I kind of thought maybe
one of you guys would go first.
Good, God, man, why?
Well, because
you've done it before
and you know what
you're doing, you know?
Give me a chance
to see how it's done.
See if you make it.
Fair enough.
You're up!
No, no, no, if you recall,
Cliff, I jumped first last time.
You go.
Woody!
What?
You go.
Make me.
Hey, you know something, men?
All this bickering
is really kind of killing
my concentration.
Now, I thought the spirit
of this whole adventure
was some sort of togetherness.
Me, I don't feel it.
I think we ought to just turn
the plane around and go back.
Fine, Norm, you know,
if that's how you
feel, that's okay.
I'm not going to jump either.
I'm going to wait,
so, uh, listen, Bob...
Oh, wait a minute.
You guys didn't jump.
You just made
that up, didn't you?
Oh, yeah, right.
Hey, Cliff.
Did you jump?
No.
That's great.
So you come back
to the bar and you lie
and you stir up
everybody's imagination
to the point where
you get me up here.
I mean, that's low.
You know something?
I'm gonna do it anyway.
It's not often you get a
second chance at life.
What? What are
you talking about?
There was this night when I
was playing in Tiger Stadium
towards the end of my career.
I'd been on the
bottle for a while
and the coach
hadn't been using me.
But this was gonna
be a big game,
so I decided I wouldn't
have a drink all day long.
I was dying, but I knew
this would be my last chance
to prove myself as a
major league pitcher.
Sure enough,
late innings, the
call comes down...
Send Malone in.
I told them that
I couldn't play.
My arm hurt.
I chickened out.
I was afraid to go out there.
I turned tail and I slunk
back to the locker room,
And I've regretted it
every day of my life.
And I'll tell you
something, damn it.
I'm not going to let
that happen this time.
I'm going out there.
Okay, Bob, what do I do here?
Remember what I told you.
Get down on the
door, count to three, go.
One, two...
Okay, here's our story.
Well, nobody really planned it.
We just all went
out at the same time
and decided to grab hands
and there we were in this
four-leaf clover formation.
We were kind of like
the June Taylor
dancers out there.
It's kind of a male
bonding thing
to give yourself a nickname.
Well, I applaud your bravery,
but I must say I
thought we'd advanced
beyond the notion that
a real man risks his life
in pointless
confrontations with death.
I thought we pretty
much accepted
that a real man is someone
who makes gobs
and gobs of money...
like me.
Well, see you later, sisters.
You know something?
I-I just had this wild idea.
Do you think you guys
could jump out of an airplane
holding a large banner
that said "Cheers"?
For any particular reason?
Well, I was just thinking
of one of the comments
I got in the suggestion box.
It said, "You have a
really great bar here,
but why keep it a secret?
Why don't you publicize more?"
We could have a
cameraman shoot it,
maybe even get it on the news.
Whoa, hold on a second here.
You're talking about taking a
pure sport such as skydiving
and tainting it for
commercial gain?
Yeah, yeah.
Come on.
A thing like that could
have a tremendous impact.
Hey, so could I.
Well, maybe it isn't
such a good idea.
Maybe I was wrong.
Besides, I might have gone ahead
and made a fool of myself
and given in to temptation.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
What do you mean?
Oh, I just think
it's really exciting,
all the danger of drifting
through space, you know?
I mean, I really wish
there was some way
that I could capture
that feeling of total
abandonment while making love.
Talk about a turn on.
Please, do.
Let's just say that this
kind of masculine bravado
is too sexy for me to resist.
Could you wait right
here for a minute?
Could I talk to the June
Taylor dancers in the hall?
Sammy? Sammy?
Sammy, wait a second now.
Hey, whoa. Now listen to me.
Okay, now remember,
this time when you jump...
out of the plane,
hold on to the
bottom of the banner
and let it spread out
so that Otto can
get a good shot of it.
Okay, question.
How are we supposed
to pull our ripcord
and hold on to the
banner at the same time?
You won't be pulling the
rip cord for 20 seconds.
Just count like this.
One Mississippi,
two Mississippi...
Excuse me. Could we make
it a shorter state, like Maine?
You know, one Maine,
two Maine, three Maine?
Look, you don't have to do this.
Yeah, I could arrange
to have some stunt
guys I know jump for you.
Whoa, hold on now.
You're talking about,
uh, money for you guys,
money for Otto here,
money for the plane, right?
Then we're going
to hire a stunt crew
and all their equipment?
That's gonna run us what,
$3,000, $4,000, $5,000, right?
Yeah, at least.
I'm comfortable with that.
That's fine with me.
Vera has some money
from when her folks died.
We'll just dip into that.
What a relief, huh?
Hey, I tell ya, it's not as hard
to chicken out this time, is it?
No, no, Sammy.
The more you do
something, the easier it gets.
Go to heck in a handcart.
I can't eat, I can't sleep.
I was embarrassed to talk to my
mom on the phone the other day.
I'd rather die like a fool
than live like a coward!
Geronimo!
He jumped.
I don't believe it. He jumped!
He's not up here.
He's down there falling.
Hey, Woody, is it scary?
Well, that's it,
man. I'm doing it.
I'm going out there.
Really?
You betcha.
Wow, so you don't
want to pay the money,
so you're gonna take the
chicken route, huh, Sam?
No, I'm doing this for Rebecca.
I figure the farther I
fall, the hotter she gets.
Who's with me?
I am, Sammy.
Norm, you turncoat you!
No, Cliffie, it's as if my
whole life came down
to this one moment!
And if I jump and I make it,
I prove to myself that
I am worth something.
That there's a reason
for me being on this Earth.
Then I can just sit down
and plant it on that bar stool
for the rest of
my life. Let's go!
Yeah?
Okay, let's turn it around.
No, I'm going.
I'm going.
I'm-I'm going. I'm... going.
Okay, uh, I'm going now.
One, two...
Push me, shove
me. I got to do this.
Kick me like a dog.
I can't do that.
Uh, oh.
What? What?
We're out of fuel.
We're going down!
Not with me you're not.
Okay, Rick, he's gone.
It works every time.
You guys did it.
You actually did it.
Look at them.
Look at them up there.
And there's the banner.
Well, I wouldn't
have believed it
if I didn't see it with
my own two eyes.
Chickens can fly.
Boy, I feel good, Sam.
This is the greatest
I've ever felt in my life.
I'm thinking about doing
something really crazy.
Yeah, me, too, Woody.
I'm thinking about having sex.
Sam, I think we're carrying
this male bonding thing
a little too far.
Not with me, I mean Rebecca.
Now you're talking.
No, Woody, no, not you.
Say, now that
you've seen all that skydiving,
how do you feel about
an evening of magic?
Well, I have to admit,
after seeing that tape,
my body feels kind
of tingly all over.
Well, I think a very
special evening
with a very special skydiver
could only enhance that feeling.
I couldn't agree more.
Hi, Rebecca, you
all ready to go?
Oh, hi, Bob.
I'll be with you in
just one second.
Bob? What about me?
Bob didn't jump
out of that plane.
And Bob didn't blow
chow at 5,000 feet.
Bye, Sam.