Cheers (1982–1993): Season 7, Episode 1 - How to Recede in Business - full transcript

Rebecca is still smarting from Evan Drake's departure to Japan. So instead of men, she focuses her energies on furthering her career - she figures that Evan Drake took all the key players from the company to Japan with him, and thus all those that knew she is a "washout" are now all gone - and buying a Mercedes. But realistically, her defenses are weakened, so when Sam asks her out again, she accepts, albeit without much enthusiasm. Just as Rebecca and Sam are about to go on their first date, Rebecca's new boss, Greg Stone, comes to the bar. Rebecca, having a boss fixation, drops Sam at the sight of Mr. Stone. For her, it is love at first sight all over again. He bursts her bubble though. He figures the bar did better under Sam's direction, so he appoints Sam as the new manager and fires Rebecca. This news sends Rebecca into a deep shock, but also makes Sam miserable as he hates managing a bar in a corporate style. Sam tries to get Rebecca her job back all the while hoping that Rebecca will be so grateful as to succumb fully to his advances.

Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.

Hi, everybody.

Hey. Hey, Sam.

Where is Rebecca?

In her office. Why?

Ah, today's the day a certain
chestnut brown-haired beauty

is gonna succumb to
the charms of Sammy.

Laugh if you will, but
according to my calculations,

the timing is perfect.

I waited long enough for
her to get over Evan Drake,

but not long enough for her



to build up her
resistance again.

The way I see it,

I got about a half-hour

window of opportunity
opening up here.

I'm telling you, boys,
Rebecca Howe is mine.

Sammy! Sammy! Sammy!

Yes?

Ooh, he's got her
saying, "yes," already, ooh!

Not a devout nun's prayer.

No, sir.

♪ Making your way
in the world today ♪

♪ Takes everything you've got ♪

♪ Taking a break
from all your worries ♪

♪ Sure would help a lot ♪



♪ Wouldn't you
like to get away? ♪

♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪

♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪

♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪

♪ You want to be
where you can see ♪

♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪

♪ You want to be where
everybody knows your name ♪

♪ You want to go
where people know ♪

♪ People are all the same ♪

♪ You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ♪

So what you got there?

A Mercedes catalog. Oh.

I'm thinking of getting one.

Yeah, I hear good things
about those Cadillacs.

What, you got a
raise or something?

No.

I can only afford
the cheapest model,

and I have to give
up lunches until I...

Well, I have to give up lunches.

But it will still be a Mercedes.

Speaking of Mercedes.

I'm kind of known as
the Mercedes of guys.

Really?

I always thought you were
more of a cheap pickup

with a headlight missing.

Did you want something, Sam?

Rebecca...

how long have we
known each other?

No, I will not go out with you.

Hey, what...

what makes you think that I
was gonna ask you for a date?

You must really think
you look hot tonight.

Then why did you come in here?

Well, I was, uh...

gonna compliment
you on your blouse.

That's a very pretty blouse.

Well, we haven't seen
each other today until now.

How did you know I'd
be wearing this one?

I was hoping you
were gonna wear it.

It's always been
my favorite blouse.

It's brand-new; it's the
first time I've worn it.

I'm working part-time in
department store security.

I was in the store
when you bought it.

I bought it mail order.

I drove the truck that
delivered it to your house.

One date... come on, please?

What, is this gonna kill you?

Men. You're all alike.

Nothing but users, and takers,

and big, stupid jerks, who
don't even know you exist

and then go running off to
Japan with someone else.

That is such a cliché.

Come on, please. Forget it.

I'm concentrating on my career.

I happen to think I have a
real future with this company.

No offense, but... why?

Because I think it's my time.

You know, Evan took a lot of
key people with him to Japan.

And the way I figure it,

everyone who knows
I'm a washout is gone.

Ooh.

Talk about sitting pretty.

You bet.

You know, the new executive
vice president, Mr. Stone

has been doing a
little housecleaning

at the corporate level.

From where I am,

it could be just a
short climb to the top.

Yeah, speaking of climbing

to the top, the way I see it,

you haven't had
a date with a guy

for about two and half years.

Now, I think this date of
ours could be good for me,

but, sweetheart, I got to say,

it's looking real
necessary for you.

Sam, no.

We're starting to
become good friends.

Now, why wreck that? Why not...

Friends tell friends who they
think they ought to go out with,

and as a friend,
I'm telling you,

you ought to give this
Malone guy a chance.

All right.

What?

I'll go out with you.

That is great.

That's great, all right.

Um, I'll pick you up...

But just, uh, for
future reference here,

uh, what did I
do right this time?

It's just that since
Evan went away,

my expectations are low.

And with my stove on the blink
and nothing on the tube tonight,

I figured... why not?

Thanks.

Yeah, I'll have
to remember that.

8:00? Okay.

Oh, a-and let's just
keep this between us.

I don't want those
bozos out there

turning this into a circus.

No, no. I couldn't
agree with you more.

Lucky guess.

Whoa, yo-ho,

check it out.

Sammy, you might as well

make that entry in
your diary right now

because no mortal woman
can resist this package.

No, no, we're
just having dinner.

Uh-ho! NORM: Oh, right, yeah.

Columbus was just going
on a little boat ride, huh?

Oh, it turns out
that's true, Norm.

He told the missus he was
just stepping out for lunch,

and, uh, took a
left instead of a right

at the Isle of, uh, Langerhans,
and before you know it,

uh, he's trading
trinkets for Miami Beach.

Cliff, you should write a book.

Why, thank you, Carla.

No, I mean right now.

I mean it.

Look, here's a pencil
and some paper.

Go on in the back room,

and don't come out until
you have 60,000 words.

Go on.

I'll be right there.

Ah, look at that.

That really takes
me back, you know?

I remember my
first date with Vera...

The flowers, the
candy, the wine.

Sounds pretty romantic, Norm.

Yeah, it was.

You know, in retrospect,

I suppose I should have
gotten her something, but, uh...

I guess you can't turn
back that clock, can you?

Ah.

There you go.

I just, uh, brought these in

so they could see what a real
long-stem beauty looks like.

Thank you, Sam.

Ah. Shall we go?

It's just dinner.

Yeah, dinner, right, absolutely.

Uh, good night, fellas.
Uh, don't wait up for us.

My God, it's him.

Who's him? It's him, Greg Stone,

the new exec VP.

I saw his picture in the
company newsletter.

Mr. Stone!

Welcome, welcome.

It's such an honor
to have you here.

Mr. Stone, I'd like you to meet

Sam Malone. Yeah, hi.

Pleased to meet you, Sam.

Yeah.

Who are you?

Rebecca Howe.

I'm the manager.

Ah, of course.

I'd like to use your
phone if I may.

You can do anything
you want with my phone.

Thank you... For the moment,

I thought I'd
just speak into it.

Good choice.

Okay, come on. Let's go.

Sweetheart, we're
gonna be late. Let's...

He could very well be

the most handsome
man I have ever seen.

And did you see the
way he looked in my eyes

when he said, "Who are you?"

I think he really likes me.

We all do, honey.

Now, let's go.

No, Sam, you don't understand.

He's the man I've been giving my
accounts to the last couple weeks.

I think he could be
my ticket to corporate.

Miss Howe, I'd like
to see you in my office

tomorrow morning at 9:00.

Mm-hmm.

What'd I tell you? What did
I tell you? Yeah, that's great.

Now, let's go
celebrate, all right?

Oh, excuse me, excuse me, sir!

Listen, as long as you
were gonna tell me anyway,

why don't you just go
ahead and tell me now?

This is not the
time or the place.

Oh, please tell me.

You've been going over my files?

Yes, I have.

And we're doing better?

Yes, we're doing better.

Well, then what's the problem?

Just go ahead and tell me.

I really think we should
discuss this privately.

Pal, just between us guys here,

do me a favor and tell her.

It'd kind of help
grease the old skids.

I really don't think.
Sir, excuse me, please?

Please?

Very well, Ms.
Howe, if you insist.

This, uh, quarter has
shown a slight improvement.

Did you hear that, everybody?

"A slight improvement."

But the records show,

unequivocally, that
the bar did better

under Sam's
direction than yours.

In view of this,

I'm hereby appointing
Sam the new manager.

And I regret to say

I'm forced to give you notice.

I'm sorry.

Okay, boys, dessert.

Well, what do you say we go
strap on the ol' feedbag, huh?

You coming?

Uh...

you guys want to help
me get her into the car?

I'll get the door.

This is gonna be a lot
easier than I thought.

Two Amstel Lights.
I don't know, Carla.

Either managing a bar is getting

a lot more complicated,

or I'm getting a lot dumber.

You couldn't be getting
any dumber, Sam.

Well, it must be
that other thing.

You know, having
you back in charge

really reminds me of
old times, you know?

I mean, real old times.

Even before the evil days,

when darkness
fell over the earth.

She means when
Diane was still here.

I know precisely what she means.

Cheers.

Sam, it's Mr. Stone for you.

Uh, put him on
hold there, Woody.

Damn, I'll bet

he wants those figures.

Hello, Woody.

Miss Howe?

Woody, where's Sam?

In his off...

Oh, I mean, in your...

In your...

I-I haven't seen him.

Hello.

Love your hairdo.

It's open.

Sweetheart, what happened?

I just had to knock
on my own office door.

Honey, I-I'm so sorry.

I swear to God I didn't
want this to happen.

I know.

It's not your fault.

I know why it happened.

Because I'm a loser.

I always have been,
and I always will be

a big old, fat,
old, stupid loser.

No, you're not a loser.

Don't say that, you hear me?

You are not a loser.

Okay.

You have a barrette
for this, or something?

I lost it.

Sweetheart, don't worry
about... don't worry about that.

It'll be all right.

Hey, you know what
might make you feel better?

We never had that
date, you know?

Oh, God!

You just go back over there

and do whatever it
was you were doing,

and I will get out
of your life forever.

Rebecca, I... Sam, please.

It'll make it a lot easier.

You know,

I might just become a bag lady.

They're not all old, you know.

It could happen.

It really could.

I'll just send

for the rest of my things.

No, Rebecca, wait a sec.

Honey, listen.

Sam, Stone is still on hold.

He needs those
figures on the double.

Well, what the hell is that?

I'm no computer expert,
but it looks like Donkey Kong.

Oh, man, that, that stinks.

You know, I, I...

It's not like it used to
be around here, Carla.

I mean corporations,
computers, reports.

I mean, I used to
keep track of inventory

in a spiral notebook,
for God's sake.

No, you didn't.

Well, I always meant to.

You know, I-I just
hate being in charge.

I'm not good at it.

Rebecca wasn't
good at it either,

but at least she enjoyed it.

You know, I'm going
to go back to Stone,

and I'm going to beg him
to give her this job back.

No, wait a minute.

You're quitting because
of this machine?

Carla, I hate that machine.

John Henry hated a machine, too.

Do you know the story
of John Henry, Sam?

He went toe to toe with
a steel-driving machine,

and he refused to admit

that that machine
was better than him.

And do you know what happened?

Yeah, the machine beat him.

His heart exploded; he died.

He did?

Yes.

Well, go get her job back
before you lose your ticker.

Go on.

Whoa, how'd it go?

Oh, Woody, Woody, give
me a seltzer there, will you?

Mr. Stone is dead set
against rehiring her,

and I hate to beg
when sex isn't involved.

So, what happened?

Well, I had to promise
that she'd agree

to a whole list of conditions,

but he finally said yes.

I left a message

on her answering machine
that I wanted to talk to her.

What are you going to tell her?

I'm going to tell her to
take her stupid job back.

I don't want it anymore.

Wait a minute, Sam. Aren't
you missing something here?

What?

You desperately want to
jump this woman's bones, right?

Sure.

And you've just arranged
something for her

that she wants more than
anything else in the world.

So?

Don't you see a connection
between those two things?

Breaks your heart, doesn't it?

You tell Rebecca that you
loved being the manager,

but you couldn't stand to
see her being so miserable,

so you got her her job back.

Next thing you know,

she'll be doing the
backstroke on your water bed.

Carla, I'm shocked.

Why, 'cause you
didn't think of it first?

Yeah. I mean, I
must be losing it.

Woody, uh,

call Melville's.

Tell them I want an
8:00 reservation for two.

Oh, and tell them that I want

booth number five, chill
their best champagne,

yeah, and order a
chocolate soufflé for dessert.

Aw, gee, Sam, that sounds good,

but actually, I
brought my dinner.

Woody... make the reservation.

All right, but this is a waste

of a perfectly good
meatball sandwich.

Thank you.

Sam, I can't thank you
enough for getting my job back.

I finally feel good
about myself again.

You know, the first thing
I did when I got home

was I-I put in an order
for that Mercedes.

Ah, well, I think
you'll look great

wearing one of those.

So...

you having a good time?

Yeah, I actually am.

Well, you don't have
to sound so surprised.

Oh, I'm sorry; I
didn't mean it like that.

It's just that...

with all your obnoxious
come-ons, and everything,

I never expected you to be as...

as charming as
you've been tonight.

No kidding.

So, what do you find
charming about me?

Well, for one thing,
I find it charming

that you would try to impress
me by ordering an elegant soufflé,

when I know perfectly well
that your favorite dessert

is frozen Snicker bars.

Actually, they're in the bottom

of your champagne bucket there.

Oh, I think I was just
charming again there, wasn't I?

I don't get it.

Just when I thought
I had you pegged,

you go out and do
something like you did today.

Sam,

that really was the nicest thing

that anyone has
ever done for me.

Well, you deserve to have
nice things done for you.

You're a very nice person.

So are you.

Sam?

Yeah?

Is that your hand on my leg?

Oh, I'll be darned.

My left hand does seem
to be missing, doesn't it?

Do you want me to move it?

Yes.

That's not what I meant.

Oh, thank you, God.

Ah! Mr. Stone! Hi!

What a surprise!

Oh, good evening.

I wonder if we could
have the table over there?

Mr. Stone, I'm not the hostess.

I'm Rebecca Howe,
from downstairs.

Ah, yeah, of course you are.

Miss Howe.

I guess I ought to
say welcome back.

I was a little surprised you
agreed to the conditions, but if you

can live with them, so can we.

Ah, here's the maitre d'.

I wonder if I could have
that table in the other room?

Nice to see you again.

What was he talking about?

What conditions?

You want some more champagne?

Sam, what conditions?

Well, they were
so insignificant,

they really slipped my mind.

Uh, all right, uh.

Well, uh...

You have to take
a... slight pay cut

and go back to
school for your MBA

and share the office with me,

consult with me on
all major decisions,

and since you lack
any practical experience,

you'll have to wait tables
when the bar is busy,

which will put you under the
immediate supervision of Carla.

Any wonder it slipped my mind?

Sam, uh, when were you
planning on telling me this?

After.

After what?

Afterwards.

All right, um.

I'm sorry, I should
have told you, but...

I just thought that you'd been
going through such a tough time

that you deserved
at least one night

of feeling good about yourself.

All right, I'll call you a cab.

No, no, no.

It's okay.

The important thing is
that I have my job back.

You're not upset about this?

No, how can I be upset

when I have so much
to be thankful for?

Now... where were we?

Does this look familiar?

Sam? Yeah?

I want tonight to
be very special.

Mmm.

And I think I can figure a
way out for us to do that.

You see, I have this fantasy...

and it's something that
I've always wanted to try,

but I didn't ever think
that I'd get to do it

until tonight.

Would you like
to know what it is?

Yes, please.

Okay.

Well, you see, I have
this hot tub at home.

I love the way this begins.

And what we do
when we get there...

First?

Uh-huh.

And then...

Oh, God.

Oh, please.

A-a-a-and this is the part

that's just a little
tiny bit illegal.

No, no, no, no, no.

Oh, I don't think
that I should tell you.

I really think it would
be better if I showed you.

Come with me now, so
we don't spoil the mood.

Could you just give me a minute?

No.

Bye-bye, Sam.

Can I get you anything
else, Mr. Malone?

No, thank you, Paul.

Actually, Paul,

could I have another one
of your chocolate soufflés?

Are you aware that
will take 45 minutes?

Yes, Paul, I am.

Woody,

Sam's going to be
upstairs for a while.

When he comes down,
give him this message.

You tell him that it
will be a cold day in hell

before I ever share
an office with him,

or schlep drinks
in a two-bit saloon.

Oh, Miss Howe?

By the way, Midtown
Mercedes called,

and they said you can
pick up your car anytime.

Oh, and they got the one
you wanted... the red one.

The red one?

Hi, there.

My name's Rebecca...

and it will be my
pleasure to serve you.