Cheers (1982–1993): Season 4, Episode 21 - Fear Is My Co-Pilot - full transcript
Jack Dalton, a daredevil of a man from Diane's days of carousing in Europe, is coming by the bar. Diane isn't overly pleased to see Jack again as he was a part of her life she'd like to forget. He is bigger than life, and wants to live it to the fullest. Ultimately Diane tells him that she is no longer the same person, is settled in her life and no longer feels the need for the dangerous life Jack leads. Jack asks for just one last night out with her, up for a spin in his plane. Diane wants nothing to do with him anymore, but finally concedes if only Sam comes along. She needs Sam for protection from the will of Jack. Up in the plane, Jack hands the controls over to Diane as pilot and Sam as co-pilot while he needs to deal with something in the back. Diane and Sam are nervous but somewhat exhilarated. They are less so when Diane finds Jack dead at the back of the plane. With their life flashing before their eyes, Sam and Diane have to decide what they will tell each other in their final moments. The repercussions of what they say have a longer lasting effect than they could have ever have imagined.
Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
Oh, no.
It's almost 5:00.
What's the problem
with 5:00, Woody?
Every day at 5:00,
this guy comes in
and blabbers and blabbers
and talks my ear off.
I don't know what to do.
Why don't you do what I do?
Tell him to shut
his fat, ugly mouth.
Oh, no. It's not Mr. Clavin.
Woody. Woody.
Calm yourself. There's
no need for concern.
I'm sure he's just a lonely man
who wandered in here one
day and found a sympathetic ear.
Unfortunately, indulging him
will only aggravate the problem.
You see, people
in this situation
have a tendency to
prattle on endlessly,
totally unaware of
how others are receiving
this unwanted and
innocuous information.
The next time a neurotic
personality such as this
gets off on one of these jags,
just turn your back
and walk away,
because, you see,
the important thing is...
Just a second. I was...
Oh, you merry band!
♪ Making your way
in the world today ♪
♪ takes everything you've got ♪
♪ taking a break
from all your worries ♪
♪ sure would help a lot ♪
♪ wouldn't you
like to get away? ♪
♪ Sometimes you wanna go ♪
♪ where everybody
knows your name ♪
♪ and they're always
glad you came ♪
♪ you wanna be
where you can see ♪
♪ our troubles
are all the same ♪
♪ you wanna be where
everybody knows your name ♪
♪ you wanna go
where people know ♪
♪ people are all the same ♪
♪ you wanna go where
everybody knows your name ♪
Diane here yet?
No, no. Miss tardy
slip is late again.
She probably stopped
somewhere to think up
another lame-o excuse for
being late in the first place.
I'm sorry I'm late.
I was taking a nap,
and I forgot to set my alarm.
My down comforter
felt so toasty.
Well, you know me.
I'm something of a slumber cat.
Oh...
Uh, Jack Dalton called.
Oh, my god!
Jack Dalton?
I haven't heard that
name for months.
Jack Dalton.
Who is he? Nobody.
Mr. Nobody just landed
his private jet at hyannis port
and is coming over
to see you right now.
You never mentioned
this guy to me. How come?
Well, there's not much to say.
He's a man I dated
a bit in Europe.
Was that before or after
you dumped Dr. Crane
and sent him into
an alcoholic tailspin?
Um... after.
How long after?
Days.
I met Jack at the running
of the bulls in Pamplona.
Isn't that just like a woman?
While I wept bitterly
into the adriatic,
she was busy dodging
bovine in sunny Spain.
Frasier, I was upset.
I would've done anything.
I wasn't running to Jack.
I was running away from you.
Well, I feel better now.
As fortune would have it,
Jack came into
my life at that point,
and his love of
danger intoxicated me.
If he said, "let's try the
luge run at Saint Moritz,"
I said, "why not?"
I guess for a
brief while, I was...
Danger's mistress.
Is there anyone whose
mistress you weren't?
Put a cork in it, frasier.
Jack is from a period in my life
that I would rather
put behind me.
I'm more mature
now, more centered.
Sam.
I'm going to hide in the back.
When Jack comes,
just tell him I'm dead.
Chambers!
Jack.
Diane's dead.
Ah, ha ha!
Still light as a bird, huh?
Oh, Jack!
Listen, I want you
to meet everybody.
This is Carla tortelli.
Tortelli! Raghhh!
Easy, Hercules.
I just had chili.
I'm Woody Boyd.
Boyd! Raghhh! Ha ha ha!
I, uh... I'm cliff clavin.
Clavin! Ruff
ruff ruff ruff ruff!
Da da da da da da da boom.
Norm Peterson.
Norm.
I got a whistle to wet.
Hey, uh, barkeep,
how'd you like to
arm-wrestle me for a beer?
Woody! All right!
All righty, but I
have to warn you.
I was arm wrestling
champion of posie county.
Hey, fair enough.
Norm: All right!
1...
2... 3.
Ladies and gents, the
new champ of posie county.
All right, who's next?
You look like you could
give me a run for my money.
I think I'll take a rain check.
Come on, man.
Just for the sport of it.
Jack, I'll buy you the beer.
You don't have to beat
everybody in the bar.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What makes you
think I'm gonna lose?
Sam Malone here. I'm
the owner of the bar,
and I've yet to
lose a beer in it.
Well, there's a first
time for everything.
1...
2...
3.
So, how long are
you in town for?
Just for the day. I'm on my way
to the air races in Reno.
Reno? Yeah, that's
lovely this time of year.
Beautiful... yah!
Ah!
Ha! Well, I guess I
owe you a beer here.
Yeah. Diane...
How the hell are you?
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
My god, you look pale.
You folks should have seen her
frolicking in the
surf at mykonos.
Her little bottom was
as brown as a Berry.
The stick running
around buck naked?
It was a semiprivate beach.
Used to be a semiprivate bottom.
So, Jack, what's been
happening with you lately?
Oh, nothing much. I spent
most of last year in Tibet,
centering my
consciousness with secrets
from the book of the dead.
Fun place, Tibet.
I studied under
this Buddhist monk
who had such a
pixie-ish sense of humor.
I remember this one
particular morning.
We were clad in goatskin.
The sun was just coming
over the himalayas.
At that moment,
I took my first trip
out of my body to nirvana.
You know, a trip like that
could well be deductible.
Well, see, I'm a cpa...
Unemployed cpa.
Ah.
Kind of a funny, unemployed cpa.
Mr. Dalton, you've
had so many bizarre
and terrifying experiences.
Some people say that
I have a death wish.
Far from it. I have a life wish.
Oh, so does normie.
What? What? What?
He wishes he had one.
Hey, chambers.
Come on. Tell us all about you.
Now, the last time I saw you,
you turned down my offer
to travel around the world
because you had a
secret love back in Boston.
A baseball player, wasn't it?
Yes. Mickey mantle.
It didn't work out.
I always say the best
remedy for unrequited love
is a trip around
the world on a raft.
Sound tempting?
Jack...
I feel kind of settled now.
I'll admit that when
you knew me in Europe,
it was important for me
to test myself that way,
and I was rather
fearless, but...
But that was the
nadir of my existence.
My life now is
complete and happy,
and I'm scared of my shadow.
Whoo! Ha ha.
Well, the least you can
do is give me this evening.
Come on! Take a
spin in my new plane.
I'll show you what
that baby can do.
What kind of aircraft
you got up there, Dalton?
Messerschmitt? Fokker?
No, it's a bobcat
with a couple of
Pratt-Whitney jt15 d1a engines.
2,200 pounds of thrust apiece.
Hey, good little birdie.
Ow!
Come on, Diane. Let's go.
Jack.
Thank you for your
kind invitation, but...
Sam couldn't possibly let me go
at the beginning of my shift.
Hey, it's kind of slow tonight.
Why don't you go?
May I speak with
you a moment, Sam?
I'd really rather
not go flying tonight.
What?
Sam, please, tell him
I have to work tonight
and I couldn't possibly
accompany him.
I have a better idea.
Why don't you do it?
You were his Berry-bottom baby.
Maybe you're right.
It's up to me.
Oh, Jack.
I think it would be better
if I didn't go out
with you tonight.
No, no, no. Say it ain't so.
The crazy, impulsive
Diane I knew in Europe
has turned into
miss nine to five,
play it safe, dare
I eat a peach?
What a shame.
So long, Diane.
Well, you don't
have to be angry.
I'm not angry.
I'm just sad at what's lost.
The army of dullness
has recruited another soul.
Well, a little spin
doesn't sound so bad.
It's a very clear night.
Hey, hey!
Does the woman ever say no?
Only to you.
Jack, just one thing.
Would you mind if
Sam accompanies us?
Wait. How'd I get
on board this thing?
May I speak with you again?
What do you want?
Sam, it would mean
a great deal to me
if you came along
for protection.
He's not the kind of man
I trust myself to be alone with.
Oh, yeah. Like me, you mean.
Then you do understand.
Sam: Ok. All right.
Uh...
Jack.
I guess I'm coming along.
Hey, the more, the merrier.
Malone!
Uh, don't do that.
Shall we go?
Cliff: Hey, Dalton,
a spin up in that
little birdie of yours
sure sounds inviting.
Yeah. They'll tell
you all about it.
I guess they will.
Hmm... this is truly lovely.
The moon and stars
our only companions
as we gently brush
aside the billowing clouds.
Diane, take the controls.
What? What'd you say?
Me? I know nothing about flying.
Just put both hands
on this, like this.
That's right. That a girl.
I heard something rattling
around in back there.
I got to go secure it.
Come on, Sam. Why
don't you sit up there?
That's it.
Come on. The view's great.
Ok. Now just fly her
steady as she goes.
Don't touch any controls.
Don't touch anything.
You're headed in
the right direction.
Hi, Diane.
Uh-huh.
Hey, Jack!
What do you call this
steering wheel thing here?
Jack: It's called
a steering wheel.
No, I'm just kidding.
It's called a yoke.
Bad yoke. Ha ha ha!
This is so frightening.
And yet exhilarating.
Mm-hmm. It's ok, it's ok.
I think we're getting
the hang of this, Sam.
Yeah, yeah.
Feeling pretty powerful, huh?
I have to admit, I
kind of feel like I...
Own the sky.
Jack is really
something, isn't he?
Are you kidding?
I could do all that
macho stuff if I wanted to,
but it wouldn't make
me any more of a man.
Do I detect a hint of
raised consciousness?
A real guy doesn't
have to jump on sharks
and dodge poison darts
just to prove he's a guy.
I'm astonished.
A real guy just has to
score heavy with
the babes, that's all.
Hey, Jack!
Jack, you know, I have to admit,
you're right...
This is kind of fun.
Jack?
Yo, Jack.
Well, he couldn't
have gone too far...
Unless he bailed out.
Ha ha! Ha ha!
Jack. Jack?
Sam, he's dead.
What do you mean, dead?
I mean dead, dead.
He hasn't got a pulse!
Oh, come on. I can't believe
a guy like that is
ever going to die.
Yeah? Well, trust me.
Like hell I will.
We're going to crash.
We're going to die.
They'll check out
our dental records
to identify our remains,
and I haven't been
to Dr. Oberding
for as much as a polish
in over six months.
He's dead.
I know dead!
Ok. All right.
But we're not dead yet.
Mm-hmm.
No, no, no, no.
All right. I saw
this movie once,
where this perfectly
ordinary lady
had to land this airliner.
All we got to do now
is make radio contact
with some guy on the ground,
and he'll talk us down
onto the runway thing.
What do you remember?
What do you remember?
I remember thinking that,
"these people are in trouble."
Sam, we're going to die!
Hey, do you mind, please?
I'm in complete
control here, Diane.
Just got to find the
damn radio, that's all.
How do you know
which one is the radio?
I don't.
Will you stop
indiscriminately
pushing buttons!
Oh, my god.
I don't want to die!
You know, you're not
making this any easier.
Just... just relax, will you?
We're still flying, aren't we?
We're still going in a
basically straight line here.
And we got plenty of fuel,
according to the full
Gauge thing there.
That's a clock.
Oh. Well, all right.
Uh... it's early.
We still got a lot of time
to sort this whole thing out.
Damn!
You're right. You're right.
We're still alive.
Maybe somebody will
pick us up on their radar
or something and talk us down,
and everything
will be wonderful.
[Beeping]
Oh, Sam! What did you do?
I don't know.
Well, don't do it
again! We're sinking!
Don't be silly.
Ships sink. Planes...
Uh...
All right. I'm
going to pull back
on this thing here, right here.
Ok, here I go. All right?
Oh, this is good.
All right, all
right. Yeah, yeah.
This is good.
Absolutely wonderful.
Ok. All right.
Now we're back to normal here.
Just got to keep looking
for this damn radio.
Please, please,
please, please, please.
Aah!
Will you stop that!
People don't fly well
when people are
screaming in their ears!
I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Oh, god! Please,
please! Oh, god, please!
Oh, god.
Oh... oh...
Sam, I think we're going down.
Yeah, I think so, too.
Oh, god. I can't believe this.
All right, all right, all right.
Let's have a little dignity here
and try to be calm, huh?
How do we do that?
I don't know. Talk
about something.
Like what?
Anything. Talk about anything.
Talk about all the good things
that have happened to us, huh?
Good things?
How about all the things that
are never going to happen?
I'm never going to get married.
I'm never going to have a baby.
I'm never going to get old.
I don't even have a gray hair.
Sure, you do. Right there.
I do? Where?
Aah! Oh, please!
Sam, hold me!
Oh, god!
Oh!
It would have been us one
of these days, wouldn't it?
You and me married.
Yeah, yeah.
Yes.
Sam's and Diane's wedding.
Oh, yeah! Ha!
Oh, god.
Why didn't I ask you
when I had the chance?
Why did I go to Europe?
No...
At least we're going together.
Yeah.
I love it!
Aah!
Ha ha ha ha!
Jack! What the hell
are you doing alive?
Dalton, fly the damn plane.
It's a little trick I
learned in Tibet.
I slowed my metabolism
down to a heartbeat a minute.
Why the hell did you do that!
Fly the damn
plane, will you, man!
It's about to crash!
We're not going to crash.
We're at 20,000 feet.
Big deal, Jack!
Hey, relax, folks.
You were on autopilot
the whole time.
Well, you were when I left.
Who's been screwing
around with the controls here?
Hey, that was the rottenest,
stupidest, sleaziest thing
anyone's ever done.
Chambers, I saw comfortable
and safe and domestic
written all over
your face tonight,
and I couldn't stand it.
You needed this.
You too, Malone.
You needed to step to the brink.
You needed into the
gaping maw of death
and live to tell about it.
I'm going to stick my
fist in your gaping maw.
No, you won't. You'll
live to thank me.
From this day
forward, you're reborn.
Everything in your life
is going to be better.
You're crazy.
Food is going to taste better.
I don't care.
Flowers are going
to smell better.
You're nuts!
Sex is going to feel better.
Well, I never want
to see you again
as long as I live.
You're a big, dangerous
baby, Jack Dalton,
and regressing at a rapid pace.
Ha ha ha!
You know something?
I feel like punching
your lights out.
Sam, he's the only one who
knows how to land the plane.
That's right. Ok. All right.
But when we get on the
ground, you are dog meat.
Uh-huh. Ha ha ha!
Sam, you never did tell
us how you got that shiner.
We hit some turbulence there,
and I, uh, knocked myself
into the altigyroscope thing.
Oh, boy. When
are they ever going
to recess those things, huh?
Is that gismo there
in the shape of a fist?
All right. So Dalton caught
me with a sucker punch.
But you should see him.
We got even.
We told the faa on him.
So, what did you guys talk about
when you thought
you were going to die?
Oh, I don't know. Uh...
You remember anything, Diane?
Not a word.
There were a lot of
frightening things going on.
Well, I'm kind of tired.
I'll get ready to go.
You know, normie,
all this talk of danger
has inspired me to go out
and do something
really crazy, huh?
What do you say
you and me go out
and ring some doorbells
and run away, huh?
Yeah, yeah!
Mind if I get going, Sam?
In 10 minutes, my sitter
is going on overtime,
and my kids ain't
worth a buck an hour.
Go, go.
Thanks. You're a pal.
Uh...
Hey, Sam, I want you to know,
if I'm ever in a
life-or-death situation
and things look hopeless,
like there's no way
of getting out alive,
I want you there with me.
Thanks, buddy.
Whoa, wait. Don't
leave me here with...
Where did everybody go?
Oh, uh... Home, I guess.
Well, I guess I'll do the same.
Sam: Yeah.
Quite a night, right, Sam?
Yeah, quite a night.
Good night.
Yeah.
Look, Sam...
Some things were said between us
that have never
been said before,
and they were said because
we were facing death.
And now that the crisis is over,
I think we should set
aside some of those things
for when we can
better deal with them.
What I'm trying to say is
that I think we should,
for the time being,
forget what was
said on that plane.
Hey, what plane, huh?
The plane where you said
your deepest desire
was to marry me.
Oh, yeah. That plane. Ha.
a live studio audience.
Oh, no.
It's almost 5:00.
What's the problem
with 5:00, Woody?
Every day at 5:00,
this guy comes in
and blabbers and blabbers
and talks my ear off.
I don't know what to do.
Why don't you do what I do?
Tell him to shut
his fat, ugly mouth.
Oh, no. It's not Mr. Clavin.
Woody. Woody.
Calm yourself. There's
no need for concern.
I'm sure he's just a lonely man
who wandered in here one
day and found a sympathetic ear.
Unfortunately, indulging him
will only aggravate the problem.
You see, people
in this situation
have a tendency to
prattle on endlessly,
totally unaware of
how others are receiving
this unwanted and
innocuous information.
The next time a neurotic
personality such as this
gets off on one of these jags,
just turn your back
and walk away,
because, you see,
the important thing is...
Just a second. I was...
Oh, you merry band!
♪ Making your way
in the world today ♪
♪ takes everything you've got ♪
♪ taking a break
from all your worries ♪
♪ sure would help a lot ♪
♪ wouldn't you
like to get away? ♪
♪ Sometimes you wanna go ♪
♪ where everybody
knows your name ♪
♪ and they're always
glad you came ♪
♪ you wanna be
where you can see ♪
♪ our troubles
are all the same ♪
♪ you wanna be where
everybody knows your name ♪
♪ you wanna go
where people know ♪
♪ people are all the same ♪
♪ you wanna go where
everybody knows your name ♪
Diane here yet?
No, no. Miss tardy
slip is late again.
She probably stopped
somewhere to think up
another lame-o excuse for
being late in the first place.
I'm sorry I'm late.
I was taking a nap,
and I forgot to set my alarm.
My down comforter
felt so toasty.
Well, you know me.
I'm something of a slumber cat.
Oh...
Uh, Jack Dalton called.
Oh, my god!
Jack Dalton?
I haven't heard that
name for months.
Jack Dalton.
Who is he? Nobody.
Mr. Nobody just landed
his private jet at hyannis port
and is coming over
to see you right now.
You never mentioned
this guy to me. How come?
Well, there's not much to say.
He's a man I dated
a bit in Europe.
Was that before or after
you dumped Dr. Crane
and sent him into
an alcoholic tailspin?
Um... after.
How long after?
Days.
I met Jack at the running
of the bulls in Pamplona.
Isn't that just like a woman?
While I wept bitterly
into the adriatic,
she was busy dodging
bovine in sunny Spain.
Frasier, I was upset.
I would've done anything.
I wasn't running to Jack.
I was running away from you.
Well, I feel better now.
As fortune would have it,
Jack came into
my life at that point,
and his love of
danger intoxicated me.
If he said, "let's try the
luge run at Saint Moritz,"
I said, "why not?"
I guess for a
brief while, I was...
Danger's mistress.
Is there anyone whose
mistress you weren't?
Put a cork in it, frasier.
Jack is from a period in my life
that I would rather
put behind me.
I'm more mature
now, more centered.
Sam.
I'm going to hide in the back.
When Jack comes,
just tell him I'm dead.
Chambers!
Jack.
Diane's dead.
Ah, ha ha!
Still light as a bird, huh?
Oh, Jack!
Listen, I want you
to meet everybody.
This is Carla tortelli.
Tortelli! Raghhh!
Easy, Hercules.
I just had chili.
I'm Woody Boyd.
Boyd! Raghhh! Ha ha ha!
I, uh... I'm cliff clavin.
Clavin! Ruff
ruff ruff ruff ruff!
Da da da da da da da boom.
Norm Peterson.
Norm.
I got a whistle to wet.
Hey, uh, barkeep,
how'd you like to
arm-wrestle me for a beer?
Woody! All right!
All righty, but I
have to warn you.
I was arm wrestling
champion of posie county.
Hey, fair enough.
Norm: All right!
1...
2... 3.
Ladies and gents, the
new champ of posie county.
All right, who's next?
You look like you could
give me a run for my money.
I think I'll take a rain check.
Come on, man.
Just for the sport of it.
Jack, I'll buy you the beer.
You don't have to beat
everybody in the bar.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What makes you
think I'm gonna lose?
Sam Malone here. I'm
the owner of the bar,
and I've yet to
lose a beer in it.
Well, there's a first
time for everything.
1...
2...
3.
So, how long are
you in town for?
Just for the day. I'm on my way
to the air races in Reno.
Reno? Yeah, that's
lovely this time of year.
Beautiful... yah!
Ah!
Ha! Well, I guess I
owe you a beer here.
Yeah. Diane...
How the hell are you?
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
My god, you look pale.
You folks should have seen her
frolicking in the
surf at mykonos.
Her little bottom was
as brown as a Berry.
The stick running
around buck naked?
It was a semiprivate beach.
Used to be a semiprivate bottom.
So, Jack, what's been
happening with you lately?
Oh, nothing much. I spent
most of last year in Tibet,
centering my
consciousness with secrets
from the book of the dead.
Fun place, Tibet.
I studied under
this Buddhist monk
who had such a
pixie-ish sense of humor.
I remember this one
particular morning.
We were clad in goatskin.
The sun was just coming
over the himalayas.
At that moment,
I took my first trip
out of my body to nirvana.
You know, a trip like that
could well be deductible.
Well, see, I'm a cpa...
Unemployed cpa.
Ah.
Kind of a funny, unemployed cpa.
Mr. Dalton, you've
had so many bizarre
and terrifying experiences.
Some people say that
I have a death wish.
Far from it. I have a life wish.
Oh, so does normie.
What? What? What?
He wishes he had one.
Hey, chambers.
Come on. Tell us all about you.
Now, the last time I saw you,
you turned down my offer
to travel around the world
because you had a
secret love back in Boston.
A baseball player, wasn't it?
Yes. Mickey mantle.
It didn't work out.
I always say the best
remedy for unrequited love
is a trip around
the world on a raft.
Sound tempting?
Jack...
I feel kind of settled now.
I'll admit that when
you knew me in Europe,
it was important for me
to test myself that way,
and I was rather
fearless, but...
But that was the
nadir of my existence.
My life now is
complete and happy,
and I'm scared of my shadow.
Whoo! Ha ha.
Well, the least you can
do is give me this evening.
Come on! Take a
spin in my new plane.
I'll show you what
that baby can do.
What kind of aircraft
you got up there, Dalton?
Messerschmitt? Fokker?
No, it's a bobcat
with a couple of
Pratt-Whitney jt15 d1a engines.
2,200 pounds of thrust apiece.
Hey, good little birdie.
Ow!
Come on, Diane. Let's go.
Jack.
Thank you for your
kind invitation, but...
Sam couldn't possibly let me go
at the beginning of my shift.
Hey, it's kind of slow tonight.
Why don't you go?
May I speak with
you a moment, Sam?
I'd really rather
not go flying tonight.
What?
Sam, please, tell him
I have to work tonight
and I couldn't possibly
accompany him.
I have a better idea.
Why don't you do it?
You were his Berry-bottom baby.
Maybe you're right.
It's up to me.
Oh, Jack.
I think it would be better
if I didn't go out
with you tonight.
No, no, no. Say it ain't so.
The crazy, impulsive
Diane I knew in Europe
has turned into
miss nine to five,
play it safe, dare
I eat a peach?
What a shame.
So long, Diane.
Well, you don't
have to be angry.
I'm not angry.
I'm just sad at what's lost.
The army of dullness
has recruited another soul.
Well, a little spin
doesn't sound so bad.
It's a very clear night.
Hey, hey!
Does the woman ever say no?
Only to you.
Jack, just one thing.
Would you mind if
Sam accompanies us?
Wait. How'd I get
on board this thing?
May I speak with you again?
What do you want?
Sam, it would mean
a great deal to me
if you came along
for protection.
He's not the kind of man
I trust myself to be alone with.
Oh, yeah. Like me, you mean.
Then you do understand.
Sam: Ok. All right.
Uh...
Jack.
I guess I'm coming along.
Hey, the more, the merrier.
Malone!
Uh, don't do that.
Shall we go?
Cliff: Hey, Dalton,
a spin up in that
little birdie of yours
sure sounds inviting.
Yeah. They'll tell
you all about it.
I guess they will.
Hmm... this is truly lovely.
The moon and stars
our only companions
as we gently brush
aside the billowing clouds.
Diane, take the controls.
What? What'd you say?
Me? I know nothing about flying.
Just put both hands
on this, like this.
That's right. That a girl.
I heard something rattling
around in back there.
I got to go secure it.
Come on, Sam. Why
don't you sit up there?
That's it.
Come on. The view's great.
Ok. Now just fly her
steady as she goes.
Don't touch any controls.
Don't touch anything.
You're headed in
the right direction.
Hi, Diane.
Uh-huh.
Hey, Jack!
What do you call this
steering wheel thing here?
Jack: It's called
a steering wheel.
No, I'm just kidding.
It's called a yoke.
Bad yoke. Ha ha ha!
This is so frightening.
And yet exhilarating.
Mm-hmm. It's ok, it's ok.
I think we're getting
the hang of this, Sam.
Yeah, yeah.
Feeling pretty powerful, huh?
I have to admit, I
kind of feel like I...
Own the sky.
Jack is really
something, isn't he?
Are you kidding?
I could do all that
macho stuff if I wanted to,
but it wouldn't make
me any more of a man.
Do I detect a hint of
raised consciousness?
A real guy doesn't
have to jump on sharks
and dodge poison darts
just to prove he's a guy.
I'm astonished.
A real guy just has to
score heavy with
the babes, that's all.
Hey, Jack!
Jack, you know, I have to admit,
you're right...
This is kind of fun.
Jack?
Yo, Jack.
Well, he couldn't
have gone too far...
Unless he bailed out.
Ha ha! Ha ha!
Jack. Jack?
Sam, he's dead.
What do you mean, dead?
I mean dead, dead.
He hasn't got a pulse!
Oh, come on. I can't believe
a guy like that is
ever going to die.
Yeah? Well, trust me.
Like hell I will.
We're going to crash.
We're going to die.
They'll check out
our dental records
to identify our remains,
and I haven't been
to Dr. Oberding
for as much as a polish
in over six months.
He's dead.
I know dead!
Ok. All right.
But we're not dead yet.
Mm-hmm.
No, no, no, no.
All right. I saw
this movie once,
where this perfectly
ordinary lady
had to land this airliner.
All we got to do now
is make radio contact
with some guy on the ground,
and he'll talk us down
onto the runway thing.
What do you remember?
What do you remember?
I remember thinking that,
"these people are in trouble."
Sam, we're going to die!
Hey, do you mind, please?
I'm in complete
control here, Diane.
Just got to find the
damn radio, that's all.
How do you know
which one is the radio?
I don't.
Will you stop
indiscriminately
pushing buttons!
Oh, my god.
I don't want to die!
You know, you're not
making this any easier.
Just... just relax, will you?
We're still flying, aren't we?
We're still going in a
basically straight line here.
And we got plenty of fuel,
according to the full
Gauge thing there.
That's a clock.
Oh. Well, all right.
Uh... it's early.
We still got a lot of time
to sort this whole thing out.
Damn!
You're right. You're right.
We're still alive.
Maybe somebody will
pick us up on their radar
or something and talk us down,
and everything
will be wonderful.
[Beeping]
Oh, Sam! What did you do?
I don't know.
Well, don't do it
again! We're sinking!
Don't be silly.
Ships sink. Planes...
Uh...
All right. I'm
going to pull back
on this thing here, right here.
Ok, here I go. All right?
Oh, this is good.
All right, all
right. Yeah, yeah.
This is good.
Absolutely wonderful.
Ok. All right.
Now we're back to normal here.
Just got to keep looking
for this damn radio.
Please, please,
please, please, please.
Aah!
Will you stop that!
People don't fly well
when people are
screaming in their ears!
I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Oh, god! Please,
please! Oh, god, please!
Oh, god.
Oh... oh...
Sam, I think we're going down.
Yeah, I think so, too.
Oh, god. I can't believe this.
All right, all right, all right.
Let's have a little dignity here
and try to be calm, huh?
How do we do that?
I don't know. Talk
about something.
Like what?
Anything. Talk about anything.
Talk about all the good things
that have happened to us, huh?
Good things?
How about all the things that
are never going to happen?
I'm never going to get married.
I'm never going to have a baby.
I'm never going to get old.
I don't even have a gray hair.
Sure, you do. Right there.
I do? Where?
Aah! Oh, please!
Sam, hold me!
Oh, god!
Oh!
It would have been us one
of these days, wouldn't it?
You and me married.
Yeah, yeah.
Yes.
Sam's and Diane's wedding.
Oh, yeah! Ha!
Oh, god.
Why didn't I ask you
when I had the chance?
Why did I go to Europe?
No...
At least we're going together.
Yeah.
I love it!
Aah!
Ha ha ha ha!
Jack! What the hell
are you doing alive?
Dalton, fly the damn plane.
It's a little trick I
learned in Tibet.
I slowed my metabolism
down to a heartbeat a minute.
Why the hell did you do that!
Fly the damn
plane, will you, man!
It's about to crash!
We're not going to crash.
We're at 20,000 feet.
Big deal, Jack!
Hey, relax, folks.
You were on autopilot
the whole time.
Well, you were when I left.
Who's been screwing
around with the controls here?
Hey, that was the rottenest,
stupidest, sleaziest thing
anyone's ever done.
Chambers, I saw comfortable
and safe and domestic
written all over
your face tonight,
and I couldn't stand it.
You needed this.
You too, Malone.
You needed to step to the brink.
You needed into the
gaping maw of death
and live to tell about it.
I'm going to stick my
fist in your gaping maw.
No, you won't. You'll
live to thank me.
From this day
forward, you're reborn.
Everything in your life
is going to be better.
You're crazy.
Food is going to taste better.
I don't care.
Flowers are going
to smell better.
You're nuts!
Sex is going to feel better.
Well, I never want
to see you again
as long as I live.
You're a big, dangerous
baby, Jack Dalton,
and regressing at a rapid pace.
Ha ha ha!
You know something?
I feel like punching
your lights out.
Sam, he's the only one who
knows how to land the plane.
That's right. Ok. All right.
But when we get on the
ground, you are dog meat.
Uh-huh. Ha ha ha!
Sam, you never did tell
us how you got that shiner.
We hit some turbulence there,
and I, uh, knocked myself
into the altigyroscope thing.
Oh, boy. When
are they ever going
to recess those things, huh?
Is that gismo there
in the shape of a fist?
All right. So Dalton caught
me with a sucker punch.
But you should see him.
We got even.
We told the faa on him.
So, what did you guys talk about
when you thought
you were going to die?
Oh, I don't know. Uh...
You remember anything, Diane?
Not a word.
There were a lot of
frightening things going on.
Well, I'm kind of tired.
I'll get ready to go.
You know, normie,
all this talk of danger
has inspired me to go out
and do something
really crazy, huh?
What do you say
you and me go out
and ring some doorbells
and run away, huh?
Yeah, yeah!
Mind if I get going, Sam?
In 10 minutes, my sitter
is going on overtime,
and my kids ain't
worth a buck an hour.
Go, go.
Thanks. You're a pal.
Uh...
Hey, Sam, I want you to know,
if I'm ever in a
life-or-death situation
and things look hopeless,
like there's no way
of getting out alive,
I want you there with me.
Thanks, buddy.
Whoa, wait. Don't
leave me here with...
Where did everybody go?
Oh, uh... Home, I guess.
Well, I guess I'll do the same.
Sam: Yeah.
Quite a night, right, Sam?
Yeah, quite a night.
Good night.
Yeah.
Look, Sam...
Some things were said between us
that have never
been said before,
and they were said because
we were facing death.
And now that the crisis is over,
I think we should set
aside some of those things
for when we can
better deal with them.
What I'm trying to say is
that I think we should,
for the time being,
forget what was
said on that plane.
Hey, what plane, huh?
The plane where you said
your deepest desire
was to marry me.
Oh, yeah. That plane. Ha.