Cheers (1982–1993): Season 2, Episode 19 - Coach Buries a Grudge - full transcript
Coach accidentally finds out that his recently-deceased friend once made a pass at his wife.
Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
Hey, everybody.
Hi, Sam. How you doing?
Surprise, surprise.
Oh, looky there.
What's the occasion?
Well, it's just a
little peace offering.
I'm trying to make
up for last night.
Well you should
feel bad about that.
No guy likes to be laughed at
at that particular moment.
I just couldn't help it.
You had that look on your face.
And for just a second there,
you looked like a flounder.
Maybe it was the light.
Apology accepted.
But this better be a pretty
damned good gift. I'll tell you that.
Well, I'll be darned.
It's a... Sweater?
An Icelandic snowflake
rag wool sweater.
I saw it in a catalog. I
just had to get it for you.
Well, thank you.
I love it. It's great.
Put it on right now.
Well, you know, I like to live
with a piece of
clothing for a little while
before I actually wear it.
Come on, Sam. I
know it's unusual,
but it looks totally
different when it's on.
One person laughs at me...
He will be exhibiting his own
insecurity and lack of taste.
I just... I just
hate looking silly.
Attention, everyone,
Sam is about to model
his new sweater for us.
Hey, look, cliffie. Goose bumps.
Ohh. There was nothing in my
horoscope about that this morning.
Does it fit all right?
Yeah. It fits ok. Why don't
you come on in and take a look.
No, no. You come out
here and show everyone
what a fashion plate you are.
Believe me, not
so much as a smirk.
Well, I never saw a
flounder in a sweater before.
♪ Making your way in the world
today takes everything you've got ♪
♪ taking a break
from all your worries ♪
♪ sure would help a lot
♪ wouldn't you
like to get away? ♪
♪ Sometimes you wanna go
♪ where everybody
knows your name ♪
♪ and they're always
glad you came ♪
♪ you wanna be where you can see
♪ our troubles
are all the same ♪
♪ you wanna be where
everybody knows your name ♪
♪ you wanna go where people
know people are all the same ♪
♪ you wanna go where
everybody knows your name ♪
low to mchale...
Hey, Sam, the TV's
on the blink again.
Where's Carla?
Carla! Get out here, will you?
The TV's on the frits again.
Work or die.
Thanks, Carla.
I have a way with
inanimate objects.
Maybe you'd like to take
a crack at norm, here.
What do you mean?
Oh, what do you mean, what do I
mean? You've been sitting here like a lump.
You've lost your zest
for life, here, norm.
We've had two overtimes already,
and you're playing
motorboat in your beer.
I'm ok.
It's just not the same since
Vera's been out of town.
I kind of miss
having her around.
Where is she?
She's went to visit her parents.
Yea, she's out
there for a week in...
Where the heck do they live?
One of those rectangular states.
Why didn't you go with her?
Parents aren't too wild about
me since I been out of work.
Oh, come on.
No, they think I'm
not trying, Sam.
They got this crackpot idea
if I go out looking every day
and send resumes everywhere,
making phone calls all the time,
that somehow by magic
a job's just gonna appear.
Mojo.
Hey, uh, Sam. Let me
have two vodka rocks.
Where are those bloody Marys?
Ah. I'm sorry... Boy,
I'm getting way behind, here.
Coach was supposed to be
back from Phoenix by now.
Phoenix?
Yeah, he's back there for
t-bone scappagioni's funeral.
He was coach's best friend
in the whole world, you know?
They were teammates
in the minors then
they both coached for the sox.
Yeah I remember that guy.
How come you didn't go, Sam?
Ah, you know, it's funny.
Coach really loved him,
but I never cared for the guy.
Yeah, well let's face it, tasting
people isn't your strong point.
Ah, yes. How would we
manage without Carla's wit?
Carla, how do you
manage without it?
What don't you like
about this t-bone person?
Uh, lots of things.
He's, uh, you know, the kind
of guy who can't pass a mirror
without checking himself out.
Pretty-boy type.
Thinks he's god's gift to women.
You know the kind.
All right! All right! All right!
There's a difference
between thinking
it and knowing it.
Hi, everybody.
Coach. Where the
hell have you been?
I'm sorry I'm late, Sam,
but old t-bone wanted to
be buried in the family plot,
and I brought the
body back with me.
How did die coach?
Some mysterious ailment
turns your flesh to cardboard?
No. No. No... See the
body's at the mortuary.
This is just a
promotional thing we did
when we were down with
the Birmingham barons.
Ol' t-bone saved
it all these years,
so I snatched it up
and brought it back
with me for cheers.
Some luck, huh, Sam?
Words fail me, coach.
It will be like having my old
buddy back with me, here,
for all time.
Actually, I think this
will be a lot better.
Sam, that's a wonderful thought.
I'm going to put this in
my office for safekeeping.
I'd hate to see it get stolen.
Thanks, Sam.
How was the funeral, coach.
Well, actually, Diane,
it was kind of gloomy.
Well, you know, coach,
after all, it's hardly an
occasion for rejoicing.
Oh, no, everything
was perfectly nice.
It was really a nice ceremony,
but they didn't say much
about the real t-bone, you know?
Well, he's been living
down there in Phoenix
for, what, a couple
of years, now?
And those people
really didn't know him.
They should've had the funeral
in Boston. This is where all
his old pals are.
You're absolutely right, Carla.
They didn't even know why
they called him t-bone down there.
Why did they call
him t-bone, coach?
I don't know, Diane. I
was hoping to find out.
I just had a wonderful idea.
Is there anyway we
can get you not to tell us?
Not a prayer.
Why couldn't we have
a memorial right here?
We could invite some
of t-bone's buddies,
and they could come
and toast his memory.
That's a terrific idea, Diane.
Then everybody could
talk about the real t-bone.
Right.
I'll make a list
of guys to call.
Wait a minute. I don't think
having a bunch of guys mourning
is that good for business.
They mourn, they drink.
Call me a sentimental
old fool, but I'm for it.
Diane, what you've
written here is just beautiful,
but you know what it could use?
A little bit more about t-bone
himself. You know what I mean?
Ok... tell me about him.
Well in his playing days,
he was a good hitter.
Uh-huh. His prowess at
the plate was legendary.
He was a fair hitter, Diane.
Fair, for the minors.
He was a capable batsman.
Well, all those hits he got
were a lot of
scratch infield hits.
His best moments
were off the field.
Now, that's the idea.
For instance, he always
made the guys laugh.
He was loved for his
irrepressible sense of humor.
He was always
making fun of people.
We admired his sardonic wit.
I've seen him ride guys till
they were reduced to tears.
He was a hateful
and terrible person.
Why don't you just
stick with what I had.
You're right, honey.
I better go practice.
[Telephone rings]
Cheers.
Oh. Hello.
Yeah, I've heard
a lot about you.
Well, hold on a
second. I'll check.
Are you in for Vera?
Sure. She's out of town.
What could it hurt? Come on.
Tracked me down, huh?
Hey, I miss you, hon.
It hasn't been the same without you
around the house these past few days.
How's your mom?
You're at our house?
Since when?
You never left?
I got to admit, I thought I heard
someone on the John this morning.
I can't believe
this man was vain.
Does this picture
do him justice?
Only a firing squad
would do him justice.
What is your problem
with this man?
I know something about him
that nobody else does.
Like what?
Just trust me. It's very sleazy.
Oh, come on, Sam. This sounds
serious. You got to tell me what it is.
No, I can't do it. I'm sorry.
How would you like
another sweater?
Once, when coach
was out of town...
It was a very long time ago...
T-bone made a play
for his wife, Angela.
No.
The rakehell.
Of course he didn't
get anywhere with her.
I guess she told me because
she had to tell somebody
after keeping it a
secret for so long.
She was afraid to tell coach, because it
would've made him crazy. It would have too.
Scum.
Oh, I know.
Making a play for
his best friend's wife.
That's something
even you wouldn't do.
Well, thank you for that, Diane.
I can't take all the credit for that
because most of my
friends wives are real ugos.
Let's just pray
that this secret goes
to the grave with t-bone.
Oh, I hope so, 'cause
if coach ever finds out,
it would put him
right in the toilet.
Oh, coach, where do you want
to put this thing for the ceremony?
Oh. In that case,
where would you
like Diane to stand?
Coach, I know you...
I hate him, Sam.
Coach, come on. Now you have
to find a way to put this behind you.
Angela and t-bone
are both in heaven now.
Let's hope he's not hitting
on her up there, huh?
Hey. Hey.
I just wish Angela
should've told me about it.
A man and a woman
shouldn't keep
secrets from each other,
no matter what it's about, Sam.
I don't agree with you, coach.
You don't?
No, I don't think so.
Let's take an outlandish
example, like us,
for instance.
In the totally fantastical,
remote, unlikely event
that you would ever succumb to
a foolish momentary temptation,
I think I would prefer,
hypothetically, at least,
to remain oblivious.
You got it.
What do you mean by that?
I was just going along
with what you just said.
Well you went along pretty fast.
Well, when you're
right, you're right.
You sounded as though
you already had
something in mind.
I don't.
You better not.
I don't. I swear.
Tell the truth.
That is the truth.
Good. Then I
wouldn't want to know.
Now I see what you've
been up to all this time, you.
You're trying to drive her
crazy... So she'll kill herself.
I love it. Now if I can
be of any help at all...
I'll keep you in mind.
Hey, Ernie.
Hey, Artie. How are you?
It's good to see you
after all these years.
You look great.
I feel fine.
Say, it could be under
happier circumstances.
When did you hear the
shocking news about t-bone?
I was in the John,
and I overheard Sam and Diane.
You knew about it?
Of course. It's
in all the papers.
Oh, my god!
The afternoon edition
even had pictures.
Pictures?
I'm a laughingstock!
Coach, you misunderstood.
Coach, I think it's great that
you're having this little ceremony
for old t-bone.
Well, there ain't gonna be any
little ceremony for old t-bone, arty.
That dirty filthy little pig.
Why, coach?
You read it in the papers!
Coach. Coach. Coach. He's
talking about t-bone dying.
Now, come on.
No, there's nothing to say, Sam.
Yes, there is, now come into my
office, here, and let's have a little talk.
Arthur, have a drink
on the house, ok.
Carla, you wanna help him
get a drink, there? Please.
What the hell do
you think your doing?
Well, I'm going to
help you with the coach.
I've known this
man for 20 years.
I think by now that I have a pretty
good idea on how to help him,
and I'm going to... By myself.
Ok, fine.
I'll be waiting right here
outside the door when you fail.
When and if you fail.
More when.
Come on, coach. You
have to go through with this.
I mean, the guys are going
to be out there any minute.
He betrayed me, Sam.
I loved him like a brother,
and he betrayed me.
You know once they were
threatening to send him
down to a double-a club,
and I swear to you, Sam,
I went up to the front office
and said, "you send t-bone down,
you got to send me down, too."
I did, Sam.
As I recall you kind of liked
it down there, too. Didn't you?
We had a great time.
Why did he do it to me?
Listen. Listen to me.
It was a one-time thing, coach.
I mean, he lost his head once.
I think you're going
to have to, uh, accept it
and forgive him.
But why did he do it? Why?
I don't know. I
can't answer that.
I just hate watching
it eat you up like this.
I wish I could cheer
you up or something.
Oh, wait! Wait! Oh, good! Good!
Ha. You haven't seen this.
This is great.
Ok, come on.
Don't I look like a dink, huh?
Look at this thing...
Ordinarily, Sam, that
would have me on the floor,
but not today.
Come on, man. Pull
yourself out of this.
This is ancient
history. It's in the past.
Yeah. For him, it's the past.
For me, it's just happening.
[Knock knock]
I can help you, coach.
Let your subconscious
speak to me.
You have to work through
your feelings about t-bone.
You have a lot of
bottled-up feelings
that need to be released.
Yeah, if I had t-bone here right
now, I'd release all of his teeth.
That's good.
That's good. So you
need to talk to t-bone.
Tell him how hurt
and angry you are,
so you can work
through your feelings.
Oh, come on,
Diane. T-bone's dead.
No. No, he isn't.
Here's t-bone right here.
Spill your guts to him.
I don't think that's
such a good idea.
It will help him.
I hate looking silly.
Di... uh, you want...
Hey, Ernie, how you doing?
It has to be
deeper, Sam, like...
[Deeper] Hey, Ernie,
how you doing?
Right. Every time he talked,
he'd wipe his nose. All right.
Hey, Ernie, how you doing?
It's "hey, Ernie,
how you doing,"
and then he'd wipe it that way.
All right, ok.
After.
Hey, Ernie, how you doing?
Sam, the sniff has to be...
The sniff is fine...
Will you two please
stop! Hey, hey, hey!
That is irrelevant.
Something is eating
away at coach's guts.
We have to address that.
Uh... ernie, your wife
was a wonderful woman.
I mean, she was
really beautiful.
I lost my head.
I mean, can you blame
me for going crazy
about something that you had
that I could never have, myself?
She was the best.
Nobody could resist her.
Come on, go on.
Make that speech for me, huh?
Come on, Ernie.
All the people out there think
that I'm a real nice guy
and a good friend.
Leave me that, huh?
T-bone,
what you did I can
never forgive for...
Never forgive you.
And you're dead now.
And there's only way I
can get even with you
is to go out there
and really do you in.
And I'm going to do it!
Coach, come on...
Just stay away from me!
Ok, everybody.
Come on. Thanks for
coming but sit down,
and let's get this
over with. Come on.
The memorial service
is about to begin.
Ok, last call before
the memorial!
Come on, now. Don't do this. It
won't make you feel any better.
I'm feeling much better
just thinking about it.
Ok, everybody set?
All right.
I had a beautiful speech
written for me here,
but I'd just rather
say a few things
from my own heart
about t-bone scarpiggione.
Uh... coach, d-don't...
Just let me get it over
with, will you, Sam?
T-bone scarpiggione
was a son-of-a...
That man was a son-of-a...
T-bone scarpiggione was
the son of an immigrant.
And like most immigrants,
he was a human being.
Human beings make mistakes.
We're just not perfect.
But I'll tell you what
isn't a mistake...
To love someone
and to forgive him...
No matter what his shortcomings.
That's not a mistake.
I loved that man.
And I forgive him.
And I know that for
the rest of my life,
every day, there's
going to be a moment...
Where I'm going to miss him.
That's all I got to say.
That was beautiful, Ernie.
Thanks, Artie.
No, I mean it.
That stuff that you said
could almost make
me forgive t-bone
for what he did to me.
For what he did to you?
Yeah.
Well, what did he do?
He went after my wife.
Yours too?
Hey, you guys got off easy.
What'd he do to you?
He borrowed $500 from me
and never even
tried to pay me back.
How is that worse than
going after our wives?
Hey, I seen your wives.
Why beat around the bush?
Let's admit it, the
guy was a fungo.
I got to admit, I
still love the guy.
After all, he never
made a pass at my wife.
Are you nuts? The man
was at your house so often,
he got his mail there.
Don't talk to me like that! My
wife would never cheat on me.
Hey! Hey! He was the
worst guy I ever knew.
We shouldn't be honoring him.
We should be
dancing on his grave.
Right. Right. Yeah.
Come on, you guys. Come
on, what are you doing?
Listen, you gotta just try and
forget about how he was in life...
And... and remember
him as he is now.
Dead.
I say we take that
cardboard cutout
and do to it
what we should have done
to t-bone while he was alive!
Let's hang him in effigy!
The hell with that!
Let's hang him
right here in Boston!
♪ Amazing grace
♪ how sweet the sound
♪ that saved a wretch like me ♪
♪ I once was lost
♪ but now I'm found
♪ was blind
♪ but now I see
♪ amazing grace
♪ how sweet the sound
♪ that saved a wretch like me ♪
♪ I once was lost
♪ but now I'm found
♪ was blind
♪ but now I see
a live studio audience.
Hey, everybody.
Hi, Sam. How you doing?
Surprise, surprise.
Oh, looky there.
What's the occasion?
Well, it's just a
little peace offering.
I'm trying to make
up for last night.
Well you should
feel bad about that.
No guy likes to be laughed at
at that particular moment.
I just couldn't help it.
You had that look on your face.
And for just a second there,
you looked like a flounder.
Maybe it was the light.
Apology accepted.
But this better be a pretty
damned good gift. I'll tell you that.
Well, I'll be darned.
It's a... Sweater?
An Icelandic snowflake
rag wool sweater.
I saw it in a catalog. I
just had to get it for you.
Well, thank you.
I love it. It's great.
Put it on right now.
Well, you know, I like to live
with a piece of
clothing for a little while
before I actually wear it.
Come on, Sam. I
know it's unusual,
but it looks totally
different when it's on.
One person laughs at me...
He will be exhibiting his own
insecurity and lack of taste.
I just... I just
hate looking silly.
Attention, everyone,
Sam is about to model
his new sweater for us.
Hey, look, cliffie. Goose bumps.
Ohh. There was nothing in my
horoscope about that this morning.
Does it fit all right?
Yeah. It fits ok. Why don't
you come on in and take a look.
No, no. You come out
here and show everyone
what a fashion plate you are.
Believe me, not
so much as a smirk.
Well, I never saw a
flounder in a sweater before.
♪ Making your way in the world
today takes everything you've got ♪
♪ taking a break
from all your worries ♪
♪ sure would help a lot
♪ wouldn't you
like to get away? ♪
♪ Sometimes you wanna go
♪ where everybody
knows your name ♪
♪ and they're always
glad you came ♪
♪ you wanna be where you can see
♪ our troubles
are all the same ♪
♪ you wanna be where
everybody knows your name ♪
♪ you wanna go where people
know people are all the same ♪
♪ you wanna go where
everybody knows your name ♪
low to mchale...
Hey, Sam, the TV's
on the blink again.
Where's Carla?
Carla! Get out here, will you?
The TV's on the frits again.
Work or die.
Thanks, Carla.
I have a way with
inanimate objects.
Maybe you'd like to take
a crack at norm, here.
What do you mean?
Oh, what do you mean, what do I
mean? You've been sitting here like a lump.
You've lost your zest
for life, here, norm.
We've had two overtimes already,
and you're playing
motorboat in your beer.
I'm ok.
It's just not the same since
Vera's been out of town.
I kind of miss
having her around.
Where is she?
She's went to visit her parents.
Yea, she's out
there for a week in...
Where the heck do they live?
One of those rectangular states.
Why didn't you go with her?
Parents aren't too wild about
me since I been out of work.
Oh, come on.
No, they think I'm
not trying, Sam.
They got this crackpot idea
if I go out looking every day
and send resumes everywhere,
making phone calls all the time,
that somehow by magic
a job's just gonna appear.
Mojo.
Hey, uh, Sam. Let me
have two vodka rocks.
Where are those bloody Marys?
Ah. I'm sorry... Boy,
I'm getting way behind, here.
Coach was supposed to be
back from Phoenix by now.
Phoenix?
Yeah, he's back there for
t-bone scappagioni's funeral.
He was coach's best friend
in the whole world, you know?
They were teammates
in the minors then
they both coached for the sox.
Yeah I remember that guy.
How come you didn't go, Sam?
Ah, you know, it's funny.
Coach really loved him,
but I never cared for the guy.
Yeah, well let's face it, tasting
people isn't your strong point.
Ah, yes. How would we
manage without Carla's wit?
Carla, how do you
manage without it?
What don't you like
about this t-bone person?
Uh, lots of things.
He's, uh, you know, the kind
of guy who can't pass a mirror
without checking himself out.
Pretty-boy type.
Thinks he's god's gift to women.
You know the kind.
All right! All right! All right!
There's a difference
between thinking
it and knowing it.
Hi, everybody.
Coach. Where the
hell have you been?
I'm sorry I'm late, Sam,
but old t-bone wanted to
be buried in the family plot,
and I brought the
body back with me.
How did die coach?
Some mysterious ailment
turns your flesh to cardboard?
No. No. No... See the
body's at the mortuary.
This is just a
promotional thing we did
when we were down with
the Birmingham barons.
Ol' t-bone saved
it all these years,
so I snatched it up
and brought it back
with me for cheers.
Some luck, huh, Sam?
Words fail me, coach.
It will be like having my old
buddy back with me, here,
for all time.
Actually, I think this
will be a lot better.
Sam, that's a wonderful thought.
I'm going to put this in
my office for safekeeping.
I'd hate to see it get stolen.
Thanks, Sam.
How was the funeral, coach.
Well, actually, Diane,
it was kind of gloomy.
Well, you know, coach,
after all, it's hardly an
occasion for rejoicing.
Oh, no, everything
was perfectly nice.
It was really a nice ceremony,
but they didn't say much
about the real t-bone, you know?
Well, he's been living
down there in Phoenix
for, what, a couple
of years, now?
And those people
really didn't know him.
They should've had the funeral
in Boston. This is where all
his old pals are.
You're absolutely right, Carla.
They didn't even know why
they called him t-bone down there.
Why did they call
him t-bone, coach?
I don't know, Diane. I
was hoping to find out.
I just had a wonderful idea.
Is there anyway we
can get you not to tell us?
Not a prayer.
Why couldn't we have
a memorial right here?
We could invite some
of t-bone's buddies,
and they could come
and toast his memory.
That's a terrific idea, Diane.
Then everybody could
talk about the real t-bone.
Right.
I'll make a list
of guys to call.
Wait a minute. I don't think
having a bunch of guys mourning
is that good for business.
They mourn, they drink.
Call me a sentimental
old fool, but I'm for it.
Diane, what you've
written here is just beautiful,
but you know what it could use?
A little bit more about t-bone
himself. You know what I mean?
Ok... tell me about him.
Well in his playing days,
he was a good hitter.
Uh-huh. His prowess at
the plate was legendary.
He was a fair hitter, Diane.
Fair, for the minors.
He was a capable batsman.
Well, all those hits he got
were a lot of
scratch infield hits.
His best moments
were off the field.
Now, that's the idea.
For instance, he always
made the guys laugh.
He was loved for his
irrepressible sense of humor.
He was always
making fun of people.
We admired his sardonic wit.
I've seen him ride guys till
they were reduced to tears.
He was a hateful
and terrible person.
Why don't you just
stick with what I had.
You're right, honey.
I better go practice.
[Telephone rings]
Cheers.
Oh. Hello.
Yeah, I've heard
a lot about you.
Well, hold on a
second. I'll check.
Are you in for Vera?
Sure. She's out of town.
What could it hurt? Come on.
Tracked me down, huh?
Hey, I miss you, hon.
It hasn't been the same without you
around the house these past few days.
How's your mom?
You're at our house?
Since when?
You never left?
I got to admit, I thought I heard
someone on the John this morning.
I can't believe
this man was vain.
Does this picture
do him justice?
Only a firing squad
would do him justice.
What is your problem
with this man?
I know something about him
that nobody else does.
Like what?
Just trust me. It's very sleazy.
Oh, come on, Sam. This sounds
serious. You got to tell me what it is.
No, I can't do it. I'm sorry.
How would you like
another sweater?
Once, when coach
was out of town...
It was a very long time ago...
T-bone made a play
for his wife, Angela.
No.
The rakehell.
Of course he didn't
get anywhere with her.
I guess she told me because
she had to tell somebody
after keeping it a
secret for so long.
She was afraid to tell coach, because it
would've made him crazy. It would have too.
Scum.
Oh, I know.
Making a play for
his best friend's wife.
That's something
even you wouldn't do.
Well, thank you for that, Diane.
I can't take all the credit for that
because most of my
friends wives are real ugos.
Let's just pray
that this secret goes
to the grave with t-bone.
Oh, I hope so, 'cause
if coach ever finds out,
it would put him
right in the toilet.
Oh, coach, where do you want
to put this thing for the ceremony?
Oh. In that case,
where would you
like Diane to stand?
Coach, I know you...
I hate him, Sam.
Coach, come on. Now you have
to find a way to put this behind you.
Angela and t-bone
are both in heaven now.
Let's hope he's not hitting
on her up there, huh?
Hey. Hey.
I just wish Angela
should've told me about it.
A man and a woman
shouldn't keep
secrets from each other,
no matter what it's about, Sam.
I don't agree with you, coach.
You don't?
No, I don't think so.
Let's take an outlandish
example, like us,
for instance.
In the totally fantastical,
remote, unlikely event
that you would ever succumb to
a foolish momentary temptation,
I think I would prefer,
hypothetically, at least,
to remain oblivious.
You got it.
What do you mean by that?
I was just going along
with what you just said.
Well you went along pretty fast.
Well, when you're
right, you're right.
You sounded as though
you already had
something in mind.
I don't.
You better not.
I don't. I swear.
Tell the truth.
That is the truth.
Good. Then I
wouldn't want to know.
Now I see what you've
been up to all this time, you.
You're trying to drive her
crazy... So she'll kill herself.
I love it. Now if I can
be of any help at all...
I'll keep you in mind.
Hey, Ernie.
Hey, Artie. How are you?
It's good to see you
after all these years.
You look great.
I feel fine.
Say, it could be under
happier circumstances.
When did you hear the
shocking news about t-bone?
I was in the John,
and I overheard Sam and Diane.
You knew about it?
Of course. It's
in all the papers.
Oh, my god!
The afternoon edition
even had pictures.
Pictures?
I'm a laughingstock!
Coach, you misunderstood.
Coach, I think it's great that
you're having this little ceremony
for old t-bone.
Well, there ain't gonna be any
little ceremony for old t-bone, arty.
That dirty filthy little pig.
Why, coach?
You read it in the papers!
Coach. Coach. Coach. He's
talking about t-bone dying.
Now, come on.
No, there's nothing to say, Sam.
Yes, there is, now come into my
office, here, and let's have a little talk.
Arthur, have a drink
on the house, ok.
Carla, you wanna help him
get a drink, there? Please.
What the hell do
you think your doing?
Well, I'm going to
help you with the coach.
I've known this
man for 20 years.
I think by now that I have a pretty
good idea on how to help him,
and I'm going to... By myself.
Ok, fine.
I'll be waiting right here
outside the door when you fail.
When and if you fail.
More when.
Come on, coach. You
have to go through with this.
I mean, the guys are going
to be out there any minute.
He betrayed me, Sam.
I loved him like a brother,
and he betrayed me.
You know once they were
threatening to send him
down to a double-a club,
and I swear to you, Sam,
I went up to the front office
and said, "you send t-bone down,
you got to send me down, too."
I did, Sam.
As I recall you kind of liked
it down there, too. Didn't you?
We had a great time.
Why did he do it to me?
Listen. Listen to me.
It was a one-time thing, coach.
I mean, he lost his head once.
I think you're going
to have to, uh, accept it
and forgive him.
But why did he do it? Why?
I don't know. I
can't answer that.
I just hate watching
it eat you up like this.
I wish I could cheer
you up or something.
Oh, wait! Wait! Oh, good! Good!
Ha. You haven't seen this.
This is great.
Ok, come on.
Don't I look like a dink, huh?
Look at this thing...
Ordinarily, Sam, that
would have me on the floor,
but not today.
Come on, man. Pull
yourself out of this.
This is ancient
history. It's in the past.
Yeah. For him, it's the past.
For me, it's just happening.
[Knock knock]
I can help you, coach.
Let your subconscious
speak to me.
You have to work through
your feelings about t-bone.
You have a lot of
bottled-up feelings
that need to be released.
Yeah, if I had t-bone here right
now, I'd release all of his teeth.
That's good.
That's good. So you
need to talk to t-bone.
Tell him how hurt
and angry you are,
so you can work
through your feelings.
Oh, come on,
Diane. T-bone's dead.
No. No, he isn't.
Here's t-bone right here.
Spill your guts to him.
I don't think that's
such a good idea.
It will help him.
I hate looking silly.
Di... uh, you want...
Hey, Ernie, how you doing?
It has to be
deeper, Sam, like...
[Deeper] Hey, Ernie,
how you doing?
Right. Every time he talked,
he'd wipe his nose. All right.
Hey, Ernie, how you doing?
It's "hey, Ernie,
how you doing,"
and then he'd wipe it that way.
All right, ok.
After.
Hey, Ernie, how you doing?
Sam, the sniff has to be...
The sniff is fine...
Will you two please
stop! Hey, hey, hey!
That is irrelevant.
Something is eating
away at coach's guts.
We have to address that.
Uh... ernie, your wife
was a wonderful woman.
I mean, she was
really beautiful.
I lost my head.
I mean, can you blame
me for going crazy
about something that you had
that I could never have, myself?
She was the best.
Nobody could resist her.
Come on, go on.
Make that speech for me, huh?
Come on, Ernie.
All the people out there think
that I'm a real nice guy
and a good friend.
Leave me that, huh?
T-bone,
what you did I can
never forgive for...
Never forgive you.
And you're dead now.
And there's only way I
can get even with you
is to go out there
and really do you in.
And I'm going to do it!
Coach, come on...
Just stay away from me!
Ok, everybody.
Come on. Thanks for
coming but sit down,
and let's get this
over with. Come on.
The memorial service
is about to begin.
Ok, last call before
the memorial!
Come on, now. Don't do this. It
won't make you feel any better.
I'm feeling much better
just thinking about it.
Ok, everybody set?
All right.
I had a beautiful speech
written for me here,
but I'd just rather
say a few things
from my own heart
about t-bone scarpiggione.
Uh... coach, d-don't...
Just let me get it over
with, will you, Sam?
T-bone scarpiggione
was a son-of-a...
That man was a son-of-a...
T-bone scarpiggione was
the son of an immigrant.
And like most immigrants,
he was a human being.
Human beings make mistakes.
We're just not perfect.
But I'll tell you what
isn't a mistake...
To love someone
and to forgive him...
No matter what his shortcomings.
That's not a mistake.
I loved that man.
And I forgive him.
And I know that for
the rest of my life,
every day, there's
going to be a moment...
Where I'm going to miss him.
That's all I got to say.
That was beautiful, Ernie.
Thanks, Artie.
No, I mean it.
That stuff that you said
could almost make
me forgive t-bone
for what he did to me.
For what he did to you?
Yeah.
Well, what did he do?
He went after my wife.
Yours too?
Hey, you guys got off easy.
What'd he do to you?
He borrowed $500 from me
and never even
tried to pay me back.
How is that worse than
going after our wives?
Hey, I seen your wives.
Why beat around the bush?
Let's admit it, the
guy was a fungo.
I got to admit, I
still love the guy.
After all, he never
made a pass at my wife.
Are you nuts? The man
was at your house so often,
he got his mail there.
Don't talk to me like that! My
wife would never cheat on me.
Hey! Hey! He was the
worst guy I ever knew.
We shouldn't be honoring him.
We should be
dancing on his grave.
Right. Right. Yeah.
Come on, you guys. Come
on, what are you doing?
Listen, you gotta just try and
forget about how he was in life...
And... and remember
him as he is now.
Dead.
I say we take that
cardboard cutout
and do to it
what we should have done
to t-bone while he was alive!
Let's hang him in effigy!
The hell with that!
Let's hang him
right here in Boston!
♪ Amazing grace
♪ how sweet the sound
♪ that saved a wretch like me ♪
♪ I once was lost
♪ but now I'm found
♪ was blind
♪ but now I see
♪ amazing grace
♪ how sweet the sound
♪ that saved a wretch like me ♪
♪ I once was lost
♪ but now I'm found
♪ was blind
♪ but now I see