Cheers (1982–1993): Season 11, Episode 7 - The Girl in the Plastic Bubble - full transcript

Fraiser climbs out on a ledge and threatens suicide after Lilith reveals her affair.

I can't believe she
wants to leave me.

Next time on Cheers...

Lilith had an affair?!

I had no idea.

The doc just got the bad news.

Yes, Frasier, I'm off
to live in the Eco-pod.

Now, some guys can
deal with rejection.

I swear to God, I'm gonna jump!

Unfortunately, that's
not the case here.

I can't lie to you,
Frasier. It's over.

It's Frasier on the edge
next time on Cheers.



I'm gonna jump!

Aw.

Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.

Hey, everybody.

So, what's the latest?

Frasier passed out about 3:00.

Aw! Poor guy.

Yeah. For someone
whose wife is leaving him,

he seems awfully upset.

Oh, God! My head! Sam,

uh... coffee, please.

Oh, Carla, uh...
about last night...

I was in pretty bad
shape, you know?

I was drunk, and I was
carrying on about Lilith.



And I have this
half-memory of you

dragging me into the
office and cleaning me up,

putting me on the couch,

laying a blanket
over me and-and...

and sitting with me
until I fell asleep.

And, well, even in
my drunken stupor,

I wanted to thank you for your...
your unexpected kindness. Thanks.

Glad to help.

Here's your coffee.

Thank you, Sam.

Geez! What time is it?

You know,

I could have sworn
I had my Rolex on.

Hey, where's my class ring?

♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪

♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪

♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪

♪ You wanna be
where you can see ♪

♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪

♪ You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. ♪

Boy, I've never
felt so low in my life.

Well, Doc, if it means
anything to ya, I'm here for ya.

It doesn't, Cliff, but thanks.

Boy, Dr. Sternin-Crane having
an affair with another guy.

Mm, this reminds me

of a terrible scandal
we had back in Hanover.

Rocked the whole
town to its core.

Mayor's wife ran off
with old Mr. Smithers.

Oh, that's not so
scandalous, Woody.

Well, Mr. Smithers was a goat.

W-Woody, why... why
don't you take a break?

Again?

Man, this day is flying!

You know what the most
painful thing about it is?

I... I didn't see it coming.

Lilith had an affair.

I had no idea.

Now she's leaving me and...

There were no signs.

Do you know what I mean, Sam?

Sam?

I'm sorry.

I'm still back on Mr. Smithers.

Now, Doc, maybe
there were signs,

you were just too
blind to see them.

Yeah, I mean,
what with Lilith, uh...

spending every night late at
work for the last six months.

You know, whenever the
two of you were together,

you were just
bickering all the time.

And, worst of all, you know,

you spend all your waking
hours sitting in this bar.

Cliffy, I don't
think he wants to...

No, Sam, you know,
I want to hear this.

Maybe it's time somebody

did splash the cold
water of reality in my face.

On the other hand, at least
I'm not a career-stagnant,

middle-aged mama's boy with
little or no sexual experience.

I know what you mean, Doc.

We have a few of
those at work... very sad.

I can't believe she
wants to leave me.

I really blew it.

Well, Fras, you know,
marriage is a very tricky thing.

It takes a lot of work and
sacrifice and compromise

from both parties to keep
it fresh and rewarding.

How can you say that?

You work less at your marriage
than anyone else in the world!

I was hoping the irony
would cheer you up.

Well, Doc, if you ask me,

you're wasting your
time sitting around here

feeling sorry for yourself,

when you should be out
there trying to get her back.

How do you suggest I do that?

Get off your butt
and take charge.

Be a caveman.

A woman likes that.

Caveman?

Trust me... Nick Tortelli...

Now there was a caveman.

In fact, the next time you see

one of those drawings of
how man evolved from the ape,

look real closely
at that second guy.

Thanks for the idea, Carla,

but I hardly think
the primitive approach

would work on a woman
as sophisticated as Lilith.

Well, then why don't you
try the romantic route?

You know, take her up to the
Cape for a romantic weekend

and treat her the
way you used to.

Oh, no, no, no... Come
on, Sam, with that bush-wa.

You know, if you want to
keep a woman in your life,

nothing beats the
old-fashioned fake heart attack.

I beg your pardon?

She goes for the door,
you go for your chest.

I mean, nobody can walk out

on somebody who's
having a coronary.

It's foolproof. I
learned it from Ma.

She uses that on you?

Or I use it on her.

It depends who's
trying to leave.

Frasier...

Well, look who's here.

I suppose this is the
part where we fight

over who gets to
keep our friends.

No...

Then why are you here?

To humiliate me again in public?

Seems to be a theme you enjoy.

No, I was worried about you.

I brought you a shaving
kit and some clean clothes.

You were worried about me?

Then you're not leaving me?

Oh, I'm still leaving you.

Frasier, this is so...

I'm sorry.

I think we should have
this discussion in the office.

Oh, no chance of
that, Dr. Sternin-Crane.

Sam's office is
his inner sanctum.

The only person who gets
to use Sam's office is Sam.

It's all right,
Woody. It's all right.

Oh, well, maybe if
Kelly ever has an affair,

I'll get to use your
precious office.

Poor Fras, huh?

What about Lilith? Huh?

She's probably just
trying to find herself.

Oh, come off it, Becs.

Nobody tries to find
themselves anymore.

And, even when it was in style,

it was just an excuse for
middle-aged people to quit work,

ride around on Harleys, and
have sex with young people.

Oh, is that right,
Miss Know-It-All?

Well, it just so happens

that my father once left for
six months to find himself.

And when he came back,

he was at peace with the world.

You could see it in his eyes

the second he came
roaring up the driveway.

Well, here we are.

Is this it?

Should I, uh... call a lawyer,
initiate divorce proceedings?

It's up to you.

You're the one making all
the decisions, apparently.

Frasier, I do not
want a divorce.

I want a trial separation.

Furthermore, I'm
going to be gone

for a while, so I need to know

that Frederick is
being taken care of

in the best manner possible.

It would be irresponsible
for me to take him

from a comfortable
and familiar home

where he feels
stable and secure.

Therefore, I would like you

to have sole custody for the
period of time that I'm gone.

Just like that?

You're not only
walking out on me,

but on your own son as well.

Oh, Frasier, you think
this is easy for me? It's not!

Please just promise me
you'll take care of my son!

Wouldn't have it any other way.

Personally, I don't
want him growing up

in your swinging
bachelorette pad,

what with your
love beads, your hi-fi

and your Dave Brubeck albums!

Frasier, if you can't
get into the '90s,

at least move into the '60s.

Well, then where
are you going to live?

All right, let me
guess. Don't tell me!

You're going to move in with
your boyfriend, Dr. Pascal!

That's right, Frasier, I am.

What's so great about this
Pascal guy anyway, huh?

I mean, the man is
obviously a crackpot.

All he's noted for is inventing
this ridiculous bubble underground.

It's called an Eco-pod, Frasier.

A self-contained

subterranean environment
which will serve

as a prototype for an
eventual space station.

Similar to the Biosphere, only
on a much more ambitious scale.

To be inhabited by moles
and gophers, no doubt.

Yes, it will house a
variety of animal species.

And, for the first year,
two human subjects as well.

Oh, really? And
where in the world

do you expect to find... Oh, no!

Yes, Frasier, I'm off
to live in the Eco-pod.

Oh, no!

It's a noble experiment.

I'm a pioneer.

The research we are going to
do is going to aid all of humanity.

This is the stupidest
day I've ever had.

It's anything but
stupid, Frasier.

Dr. Pascal is a visionary.

I'm proud to be associated
with him as we chart the future.

Oh, this will be a big hit
on the cocktail party circuit.

"Say, Fras, where's your
lovely wife this evening?"

"Well, Bob,

she's underneath the Earth's
crust with her boyfriend."

"What's new with you?"

I refuse to discuss
this any further.

You're being irrational.

No, wait, Lilith, wait.
Don't go, please.

Look, I... I'm sorry.

Please help me to understand
why you're doing this.

Well, Frasier...

ever since I was a little girl,

I've led a very
disciplined, regimented life.

But in the back of my
mind, I always had this

nagging feeling that
something was missing.

I tried to fill the void
with achievements...

Scientific awards, marriage
to a prominent man.

But deep down
inside, I still felt empty.

Then along came Googie.

Googie?

Dr. Pascal.

He's a free thinker. A radical.

I never know what
he's going to do next.

And when I'm with him,

I don't know what
I'm going to do next.

That's new for me, Frasier.

I like it.

I hope you understand.

I suppose I do.

You know, maybe I
haven't always listened.

Maybe I haven't always known
the right thing to say or do.

Just one thing I
want you to know.

I wish you the very best.

I adore you, and I always will.

Thank you.

Take good care of Frederick.

And yourself.

Good-bye, Frasier.

Good-bye, my love.

Oh! Oh, my God!

I'm having a heart attack!

Well, maybe not.

I'm going now.

I'd like to leave
a parting word.

I want you to know that
what I'm doing is very difficult.

It is not to hurt Frasier.

It's to acknowledge the
fact that I'm changing.

No one can go living year in and
year out without ever changing.

It's impossible.

Or at least it's very rare.

Well, I'm off.

I don't know what
the future holds.

Whatever happens, I only hope

I can realize my full potential.

To acquire things the
old Lilith never had.

Like a body temperature?

That's very good, Carla.

Incidentally,

I've taken your
little wisecracks

for a few years now,
you hideous gargoyle,

and if you ever open that
gateway to hell you call a mouth

in my direction again,

I'll snap off your extremities
like dead branches

and feed them
to you at gunpoint.

God! That felt good.

Well...

that was just plain rude.

Oh, hey, Fras.

How you doing, huh?

Come on, talk to us...
We're your friends.

Say something to
him, will ya? Like what?

I don't know,
somethin' positive.

Something to cheer him up.

Frasier, say, have
you lost weight?

What? That would cheer me up.

I appreciate your
concern, everyone, and...

you can stop worrying.

You see, I know exactly
how this is gonna go.

After the shock wears off,
there will be some initial pain

followed by resentment
and depression,

and a lasting
sense of insecurity,

as I ping-pong blame
between Lilith and myself.

Throughout this process,
all I have to do is...

keep telling myself that
everything is going to be okay.

Well, the shock
seems to be wearing off.

Here comes the pain.

Oh, boy.

Oh, mama, that's a big one!

Frasier, can we
do anything for ya?

Oh, no, Sam, no.

If anyone has the
inner resources

to deal with this,
it's Dr. Frasier Crane.

Trust me.

I know exactly
how to handle this.

I'm gonna jump, Lilith!

Attention, this is the police.

Do not jump. I
repeat, do not jump.

Whatever your problem
is, we can solve it.

Just go back inside.

I swear to God I'm gonna jump!

Where's that shrink we
use in cases like this?

You mean Frasier Crane?

He's not answering his pager.

Yeah, remind me to
put this in my report.

That man'll never
work in this town again.

Hey, you have your
whole life ahead of ya.

Anything good on?

Yeah, we got, uh, Oprah,
we got, uh... Quincy...

Home Shopping Network...

we got a guy on a ledge...

we got Barnaby Jones...

Wait a minute! Wait
a minute! Normie!

Normie, go back, quick.

Go back, go back,
go back... yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God!

Hey, that's that Quincy where
they buried the wrong guy!

Hey, Normie, go back to
that guy-on-the-ledge stuff.

Hey, that's just right outside.

No wonder all these
people are in here.

I wonder who the poor sap is.

Go back inside.

I swear to God I'm gonna jump!

Oh, my God! Wait, wait, wait.

Sam, uh, you find Lilith,

and Carla and I'll go
up and find Frasier.

Come on, come on, Norm,
I'm going up there, too.

Normie, come on, will ya?

A buddy of ours is on the ledge.

He's about to jump
to his death... let's go!

Geez, you're right... I
better go move my car.

Aw...

Frasier?

Hey, uh, I'll take it.

I'm a friend of his...
I think I can help.

I've operated these
before, sir. It's all right.

Frasier, it's me...
Your friend, Cliff Clavin.

Now pitching for Boston...

Hey, come on, would ya?

All right. Just
kidding, just kidding.

Uh, Fras...

Look, buddy, uh, don't think
I don't know how you feel.

Uh, it's not like I haven't
been there myself,

you know, standing
high above the city

with the wind blowing
through your hair,

praying this time you'll
have the guts to do it.

Give me that!

Frasier, Frasier, don't
listen to him, man.

So it didn't work
out with Lilith.

You know? What's the
big deal? That's okay.

What about your friends?

What about me? I care for ya.

Hell, I love ya, man!

Aw...

Yeah, I said it.

Look, a guy can love another guy

without being the kind of
guy who loves other guys.

You knew what I was
saying, didn't you, Fras?

You didn't think that I meant...

the other thing, did ya?

Hold on a second, Fras.

Take that. Talk to him.

No, it's all right.

I'm his wife. Don't
aggravate him.

I'm the reason he's up there.

He's very unstable.

Frasier, you're making
a big fool of yourself.

Don't leave me, Lilith!

It's too late, Frasier...
I've made up my mind.

I'm gonna jump!

Lie to him... tell him
you'll go back with him.

Tell him to go inside.

I can't lie to you,
Frasier. It's over.

Come on, lady!

What were we supposed to
do, go on living the charade?

Sure, we had an
amazing sex life,

but a relationship
is more than that.

I felt the confines
of our marriage

were not allowing me to grow.

Surely some of you women
know what I'm talking about.

Right on! Right on! Yay!

Why don't you tell
them about your affair?!

Well, I was in a very
vulnerable state, and...

Frasier, this is ridiculous.

I'm coming upstairs.

Fras, a-about what
I was saying earlier.

You know, there are all
kinds of different kinds of love.

Frasier!

You stay back! Okay, okay.

Rebecca, I found him!

Frasier...

Don't come near me!

I-I won't come
near you, Frasier.

Please, please,
just step inside.

Oh, Rebecca, go back to
Cheers and leave me alone.

No, Frasier, we're your friends.

Don't jump... you have lots
of friends who care about you.

Frasier, listen to me...
this is Norm Peterson.

I want you to
listen very carefully.

You left about a half a
mug of beer on the bar.

You don't suppose
that I could, maybe...

Help yourself!

Thank you.

Frasier...

Lilith, don't come near
me... I swear I'll jump!

Would you excuse us, please?

I'd like to speak
with my husband.

Okay... But before I go,
I want to say one thing.

Go ahead and jump, you coward!

Take the easy way out!

Go ahead and end it all!

Wow, that was reverse
psychology, right?

What's reverse psychology?

Frasier...

I refuse to indulge
in this little game

of emotional
blackmail any longer.

You and I both know you
have no intention of jumping.

I know you better than that.

No, you don't, Lilith.

I'm gonna jump,
because I can't go on living

knowing that you
love someone else.

Very well, Frasier.

You win.

I won't leave you.

Really?

Really.

Now, come inside.

You mean, you're
not just saying that?

No, I'm not just saying it.

I won't leave you.

I may be unhappy for
the rest of my days, but...

I will honor my
obligations as your wife.

Baby, you're the greatest!

Oh, go on, Lilith...

get out of here.

What do you mean?

I can't be happy
knowing that you're not.

Thank you, Frasier.

Well, thank you for...

getting me off the ledge.

I was gonna pretend to faint

and fall back in, but
this worked a lot better.

How you doing?

Oh, I'll be okay, Sam. Thanks.

You want anything,
you let me know.

Well, you know,
there is, uh, one thing.

Could you, uh, take the bullhorn
away from Cliff and Norm?

All right, McGerk, you'll
never take me alive! Ha-ha!

Come on, come on,
it's my turn! Come on!

Attention, K-Mart shoppers!
Attention, K-Mart shoppers!

Whoa, whoa! Guys, guys, whoa.

Hey, come on!

Frasier, I just wanted
to say good-bye.

Dr. Pascal and I

are leaving for
the desert tonight.

Are you all right?

No... but I will be.

I said good-bye to
Frederick this afternoon.

He loves the thought of Mommy

going off to live
in a big bubble.

I'm sure this will be a
special memory for him

that he will relive
over and over again

in the years of his
psychoanalysis.

Lilith, you ready?

Googie, I thought you
were going to wait outside.

Before we leave there's something
I have to say to your husband.

Uh...

I-I-I know this is an
awkward moment, Doctor,

but I have to tell you.

I was pulling up in
front of the bar just now,

and I seem to have
dinged your BMW.

Oh. Of course you did.

Well, we're off.

We've got to be going.

Good-bye, Frasier.

Good-bye, Lilith.

Oh, there's just...

there's something
I'd like to say.

I know you've got a
rough year ahead of you.

You're in for some rocky times.

I-I'm sure you'll experience
some very painful moments,

and when you do,

I'd like you to feel
free to call on me for...

sympathy and understanding.

Thank you, Frasier.

I was talking to Googie.