Cheers (1982–1993): Season 11, Episode 3 - The King of Beers - full transcript
Norm lands a job as a beer taster for a local brewery.
Next time on Cheers... Who'd have
thought I have a knack for something?
The love of beer is finally
paying off for Mr. Peterson.
Ready to see the brewery, Norm?
Oh, I've been
ready for 43 years.
He is this close
to his dream job
as the new taster
of those golden hops.
Honey, I'm home.
Yup, life doesn't get any better
if he doesn't blow
it with the boss.
What's it gonna take to
put a little smile on that face?
Next time on Cheers.
♪ With a knickknack,
paddywack, give a dog a bone ♪
♪ This old man came rolling... ♪
Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
Woody's a married
man, huh? Yeah.
Yeah, what a lucky guy.
Indeed, he is.
There's nothing
like wedded bliss.
Plus, he's got
that wedding ring.
Now, that is a real babe magnet.
Please, it's an old wives' tale.
Not so. Yeah?
Oh, it's been scientifically
proven that women
are more attracted
to married men.
The whole notion is ridiculous.
Look, I'll... I'll
prove it to you.
You see those two attractive
young females over there?
I'll go over and hit on them
relentlessly, all the while
displaying my wedding ring.
See how long it takes them
to give me the cold shoulder.
Hi.
You two ladies need
some company?
Oh, sure, I'm married, but,
uh, you know, I'm not dead.
I figure, well, uh...
Lilith is here, isn't she?
♪ Making your way
in the world today ♪
♪ Takes everything you've got ♪
♪ Taking a break
from all your worries ♪
♪ Sure would help a lot ♪
♪ Wouldn't you
like to get away? ♪
♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪
♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪
♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪
♪ You wanna be
where you can see ♪
♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪
♪ You wanna be where
everybody knows your name ♪
♪ You wanna go
where people know ♪
♪ People are all the same ♪
♪ You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. ♪
Sam, uh, Malone.
Yeah, over here.
GNS Amusements.
Oh, great.
Sign here, please.
Hey, fellas, listen
up, you know how
I've been trying to
hustle up more business
for the bar?
Well, I think this
baby's just the ticket.
Cheers is now the proud owner
of a blood pressure tester.
That's... that's great, Sammy.
I think we ought to get
some velvet ropes
outside to handle the lines.
No, no, come on, will you?
Lighten up here,
this could be fun.
What the hell is this?
They sent me a slot machine.
Well, I lived kind of a
sheltered girlhood, but offhand,
I'd say this looks like
a Gametime model 36X
with remodeled sprockets,
triple-action tumblers.
"The Big Boy".
A slot machine.
I've never played one of
these, but I've always wanted to.
Hey, hey, come on, no, don't...
don't do that,
please, it's illegal.
This is the last
thing this bar needs.
I'm gonna call and
tell them to take it back.
It's just as well, Rebecca.
These are the
devil's own machines.
They systematically rob you
of your cash and your dignity,
one nickel at a time.
Allow me to demonstrate.
Oh, hey, come on,
Frasier, don't do that.
No, relax, Sam.
This is merely for
educational purposes.
Good-bye, nickel.
Free money!
The doctor is hot!
Excuse me, sir.
I represent a market
research company.
We're doing a survey.
Oh, I'm really not interested.
Thanks. Okay.
How about you, sir? Okay.
We're looking for volunteers
to taste several brands of beer.
Uh, excuse me, Paul,
we were having a
conversation here.
You were saying? Uh, uh, well,
if you're available, just
come to this address
at 2:00 this afternoon.
- 00, sure.
Hey, listen, uh, uh,
what exactly do I do?
Well, you'll be in a room
with several other volunteers,
and you'll be tasting
several varieties of beer.
We'll pay you for your time.
Excuse me, sir.
This is gonna sound
like an odd question, but...
by any chance, were
you born in a manger?
You've been selected
to take part in this study
due to your ages and
your drinking preferences.
Norm, there seems to be a typo
here on your
average beer intake.
Wow.
Now, gentlemen,
I'd like you to each take a sip
from sample A and give
me your impressions.
Ray, what do you think?
Would you serve this
beer in your home?
Yeah, sure.
And Chuck?
Very tasty, uh...
Good aftertaste, too.
And Norm.
I don't know.
Didn't you just drink some?
Yeah, but it wasn't in my mouth
long enough to really taste it.
Hold it in your
mouth a little longer.
Try savoring it for a second,
and then swallow it.
This is great.
Wow, does anyone else
know about this savoring thing?
Now try to describe the taste.
Ah... well, it's
kind of, um, sweet,
but, uh, kind of tangy, too.
You know what I mean?
Yeah... very observant.
Yeah. What about sample B?
It's kind of tart.
Actually, I thought
it was kind of sweet.
No, no, fellas.
It's really... it's...
it's more of a smoky thing.
Right again. Yeah.
That's the new mash
that they're using.
You're amazing, Norm.
What about, uh,
sample C? Let's see.
Now, this one
misses for me, okay?
Mm-hmm. It's like
the carbonation is...
is fighting the flavor,
and the flavor is losing.
This is really getting
too easy for me.
You want to challenge
me a bit here?
Okay.
Let's try samples
D through V.
Oh, D through V.
Now, hang on a second.
I may need to cleanse my palate.
Do you have any pizza?
Oh, Carla, you're not supposed
to be playing
that... It's illegal.
So is watering drinks.
Good luck to you.
Come to mama.
Come on, come on, come on.
Darn it, this machine hates me!
Say, uh, Rebecca,
uh, can I give it a try?
Go ahead, Paul.
It's obviously empty.
Hey, hey.
Wow.
Nine nickels.
Hey, I wonder, if those chicks
over there saw me win, huh?
Yeah, Paul.
I'm sure the lack
of that 45 cents
is what kept you
out of that ménage.
Come on... come on.
Be there, be there.
Damn!
What is wrong with this machine?
Frasier won, Paul
won, Carla won.
Maybe it just hates women.
Afternoon, everybody.
Norm!
What's the story, Norm?
Boy meets beer.
Boy drinks beer.
Boy gets another beer.
In this performance,
the role of the boy
will be played by Norm Peterson.
Sammy, I want
you to pour a round
for the house and
put it on my tab.
Ooh. Oh!
Oh, thank you.
What's the occasion
there, big guy?
Well, I think I got a job.
- Hey, all right, Normie.
- All right, everybody.
Stand back, I'll
take care of this.
All right, mister, I don't know
what pod you crawled out of...
but you're not
welcome in our world.
Now, go in peace and
give us our Normie back.
Seriously, remember that
beer tasting survey group?
Turns out they value
my opinion so much,
they want me to try
out at the brewery.
All right.
Who'd have thought I
have a knack for something?
Okay, now, listen up, you.
This is my last nickel.
Now, I'm not asking for a lot.
I-I just want you
to hit, just once.
Please... for me.
Why do you hate me?
Becs. What?
Come here.
What do you want?
You are acting crazy.
You're standing there
talking to a machine,
pretending like it cares
who's feeding it nickels.
It doesn't have anything
against you personally.
You're right.
Thank you.
And why are you whispering?
I don't want it to hear
me talking to you.
Pardon me, uh, are you Mike?
Hey, you must be
the new guy, Norm?
Yeah, hi. Yeah, I'll
be your supervisor.
Oh, great.
I was, uh, looking over
your sample comments,
and, uh, well,
must say they're
very impressive.
Thank you. Uh, now,
remember, this is just a trial,
but I think you're
gonna do great.
Thanks, sir.
Uh, the job's very simple.
You'll drink random
samples of beer
off the line and
give us your opinion.
That's it.
Well, uh...
you ready to see
the brewery, Norm?
Oh, I've been ready
for 43 years, sir.
You'll be sampling beer
and submitting your
comments to the master brewer
who will evaluate
them, and in turn, he'll...
Are you... are you crying, Norm?
Nah, just got something
in my eye there.
I'll get you a Kleenex.
Honey, I'm home.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Hey, Mike.
Look, if you don't mind,
I'm gonna knock
off for lunch, okay?
Yeah, sure.
You had a great
first week, Norm.
You don't have to tell me, sir.
It was the happiest
week of my life.
Here you go, Norm.
Huh? What's this?
It's your paycheck.
Oh, no, sir, I couldn't.
No, no, absolutely
not, not for this.
Go ahead, take it! Really?
You've earned it.
You know, you were right
about that timer being
off on number three tank.
That's, uh... that's something
our computer should have
picked up a long time ago.
Well, sir, a
computer can't love.
As far as I'm concerned,
the job is yours.
Oh, really? Yeah.
There's-There's just
one more thing. Yeah?
It's, uh... it's mostly
a formality... Yeah.
But, uh, well, you have to
meet with Mr. Hoffmeyer,
the president of the brewery.
Now, if Hoffmeyer likes
you, well, you're all set.
What kind of guy
is he? Oh, he's...
a bit of a tough cookie,
but, uh, if you take your work
seriously, you'll do just fine.
Okay. Well, I'd be glad
to meet the guy. Good.
Listen, if you don't
mind right now,
I've been tasting
beer all morning, okay?
So, I'm just gonna take a
break, change my clothes
and go over to
Cheers and hoist a few.
You're, uh...
You're kidding, right?
Yeah. These
clothes will be fine.
Come on. Big money.
Come on. Big money.
Oh, show me I'm not a loser.
Can't believe you're
still playing this thing.
Sam, I have pulled
that handle 578 times,
and this machine
has given me nothing.
Well, may... maybe it's broken.
Let me try it here.
Give me that.
No. No. It's you, all right.
Come on. Big money.
I hate to see her beating
herself up like that.
Yeah, I agree.
If there was just some way
that she could win, even once.
It might serve to
break her fatalism
and bolster her self-esteem.
Plus, maybe then I'd get a
shot, 'cause I am hot, hot, hot!
Well, there must be some
way we can fix that machine
so you can win just one time.
Now you're good
at this stuff, Carla.
Can't you rig it?
Why should I?
Well, because
she'd feel better about herself,
you know, maybe even feel happy.
No, really. Why should I?
Because there's a
$20 bill in it for you.
Deal.
I'd have done it for ten.
No wonder you're
going out of business.
Afternoon, everybody.
Norm!
A little busman's holiday, Norm?
No. None of those fancy
drinks for me, Sammy.
Just give me a beer.
See this, boys? Huh?
An actual paycheck.
Oh.
Tell you what, Sammy.
Earning a salary does
something for a guy's self-esteem.
For the first time in years,
I'm actually making
an honest living.
Oh, look at that.
This says Norm Peterman.
That's 'cause Norm Peterson
is still drawing
unemployment, thank you.
Well, Norm, I must
say I've never seen you
look happier
or-or more fulfilled.
Well, thanks, Fras.
I still don't have
the job officially yet.
I got to meet the
president of the brewery.
But I tell you what... I feel
like I've found my calling.
Yeah, that's a wonderful
feeling, isn't it? Yeah.
You know, I remember
the first day I decided
to go into the healing arts.
Yeah, just the thought of
helping my fellow man...
It gave me a sense of
purpose, a mission in life.
Oh.
Oh, surprise, surprise!
Mrs. Davis. "I had
a bad childhood."
Join the club, sister!
I'm all out of nickels. Does
anybody have a nickel?
Hey, hey, where's that,
uh, tip jar of Carla's?
No. REBECCA: Well, I would
pay her back.
Going a little bit
overboard here, aren't you?
After all, it's just a
silly little machine.
It's not a silly
machine, Norman.
It is... It is a
metaphor for life.
It is. Everybody gets
to pull the handle,
and sometimes they win,
and sometimes they lose.
But I always lose.
I pull the handle, and
I get cherry, lemon,
bell!
Rebecca, has it ever occurred
to you that maybe the reason
you always lose is because
you think you're going to lose?
Oh, don't give me that crap!
I tried that positive
thinking stuff,
and I knew it wouldn't work,
and sure enough, it didn't!
You are overanalyzing things.
You got to live in the moment.
Take life as it comes, okay?
You start thinking too
much, everything falls apart.
Norm, how do you
not think too much?
You're-You're getting ready
for the biggest
interview of your life!
Yeah.
If I were you, I would
be a nervous wreck.
You know, I had a
shot at my dream job.
Yeah?
And I-I did really, really well.
And then it came time
for me to meet the
big boss, and I choked.
I went in, and-and I
complimented him,
and then I realized,
"Oh, God, I'm kissing up."
So I took back the compliment,
and then it looked
like I was insulting him.
So then I started telling
jokes, and they were really bad.
And then... And-And
then, the next thing I knew,
I was singing, "Knick
knack paddy whack" song.
And I was just singing
and singing at the
top of my lungs.
And I just kept burying
myself deeper and deeper.
And I lost my dream job.
And when I walked out
of that House of Pancakes,
I felt two inches tall.
Well, Rebecca, that's about
the most depressing thing
I've ever heard in my life.
Hey, don't... Norm,
don't listen to me.
It'll just bring you down.
Yeah. And you know what?
I've been a jinx my entire life,
but that's me.
That isn't you.
You're gonna do great.
Thanks.
Good luck.
Well, thanks a lot, Rebecca.
And for what it's worth,
I don't think you're
a jinx, all right?
Thanks.
Ah, Norm.
Mr. Hoffmeyer's on his way.
Uh, now remember,
this is just a formality.
He's heard all kinds of
good things about you,
and, well, I'm sure that
as soon as he meets you,
uh, you'll be a permanent
part of this brewery.
You seem a little
nervous. Are you, Norm?
No. No.
Oh, Mr. Hoffmeyer,
I'd like you to meet
our star taster, Norm.
Norm, Mr. Hoffmeyer.
Norm, I hear you're
doing excellent work for us.
Thank you very much, sir.
Nice pants.
I can't believe
I just said that.
Look, I'm not
trying to kiss up, sir.
I take back what I said
about those pants, okay?
Not that they're not nice pants.
I mean, of course they are.
They're-They're-They're
great pants, you know.
I just don't want you to think
that all I'm doing is
looking at your pants.
I'm also looking
at your face, sir,
and-and your shirt, your
tie, all of which are lovely.
Like a manly kind of lovely.
You know what I mean?
Good Lord, I'm not making
much sense, am I, sir?
Let me just start
all over again.
Hello. My name is Norm Pants.
Ooh! Yay. That didn't
come out right, either, did it?
I'm gonna laugh about
that one tonight, sir.
And I'm sure you will, too,
when you take those
pants off tonight.
Not that I'm thinking
about you taking
your pants off, sir!
Nothing could be
further from the truth!
I mean, well, now,
don't get me wrong.
You know, it's not like
I would be grossed out
if you took your pants off.
Go ahead, run around
naked for all I care!
After all, you'll do
whatever you want to do.
You're Mr. Hoffmeyer,
for crying out loud!
Oh, come on,
lighten up, will you?!
Why are you such a sourpuss?
Come on. What's it going to take
to put a smile
on that face, huh?
♪ With a knick knack paddy
whack, give a dog a bone ♪
♪ This old man
came rolling home! ♪
Sorry about the job there, Norm.
Oh, don't worry about it, Cliff.
What are you going to do?
I had my dream job
for a week, and I lost it.
But you've got to look on the...
on the bright side, you know.
I mean, somebody could
walk up to me tomorrow,
tap me on the shoulder, say,
"Hey, we want you to sample
various types of pretzels."
You know?
Or-Or-Or pizza.
Could happen.
Maybe, big guy.
Well, I did it. I
rigged the machine.
The next person who
pulls that handle is going
to be up to their
knees in nickels.
All right, now,
don't you feel good?
I mean, doesn't it
make you feel happy
to know you did something
for a fellow human being?
Isn't that what life's
really all about?
You don't have my 20
bucks, do you, Sam?
It's been kind of a
slow week, honey. I...
Now, wai-wai-wait.
Norm.
I just wanted to tell you
how sorry I am
about this afternoon.
Rebecca, for the
hundredth time, please relax.
It wasn't your fault.
I did it myself.
I choked under pressure.
Well, I felt so
guilty that I went out
and got us this
quart of ice cream.
Hmm.
Mmm.
This is what we losers do, Norm.
We just drown our
sorrows in ice cream.
But you know what?
Huh?
At least we're not alone.
We have each other.
You're not going to
kiss me again, are you?
'Cause I still have
to drive home.
Oh! Hey, look at that.
These are nickels, I guess, huh?
Say, why don't you, uh, play
the slot machine one more time?
Because I will lose.
Where have you been all week?
No. You know, I
feel good about this.
Why-Why-Why don't
you give it one more shot?
No. Oh, come on!
What's it gonna take
for you to understand
that I will never win?
All right, fine, fine. Come on.
Everybody step up while
Lady Luck thumbs her
nose at Rebecca Howe.
I got my nickel back.
I thought that thing
was supposed to pay off.
It's been paying off all week.
I guess it's empty.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Sorry?
This has never
happened to me before.
I broke even.
I've never broken even before.
I'm not a loser.
I'm a break-evener.
Norm is a loser.
See him eating his ice cream?
You know what this means?
It means that my
life isn't so terrible.
It's... It's so-so!
Isn't this great?!
Hey, guys,
did Rebecca call me a loser?
I'm afraid so, Norm.
Good. I thought she
said, "Leave me some."
thought I have a knack for something?
The love of beer is finally
paying off for Mr. Peterson.
Ready to see the brewery, Norm?
Oh, I've been
ready for 43 years.
He is this close
to his dream job
as the new taster
of those golden hops.
Honey, I'm home.
Yup, life doesn't get any better
if he doesn't blow
it with the boss.
What's it gonna take to
put a little smile on that face?
Next time on Cheers.
♪ With a knickknack,
paddywack, give a dog a bone ♪
♪ This old man came rolling... ♪
Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
Woody's a married
man, huh? Yeah.
Yeah, what a lucky guy.
Indeed, he is.
There's nothing
like wedded bliss.
Plus, he's got
that wedding ring.
Now, that is a real babe magnet.
Please, it's an old wives' tale.
Not so. Yeah?
Oh, it's been scientifically
proven that women
are more attracted
to married men.
The whole notion is ridiculous.
Look, I'll... I'll
prove it to you.
You see those two attractive
young females over there?
I'll go over and hit on them
relentlessly, all the while
displaying my wedding ring.
See how long it takes them
to give me the cold shoulder.
Hi.
You two ladies need
some company?
Oh, sure, I'm married, but,
uh, you know, I'm not dead.
I figure, well, uh...
Lilith is here, isn't she?
♪ Making your way
in the world today ♪
♪ Takes everything you've got ♪
♪ Taking a break
from all your worries ♪
♪ Sure would help a lot ♪
♪ Wouldn't you
like to get away? ♪
♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪
♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪
♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪
♪ You wanna be
where you can see ♪
♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪
♪ You wanna be where
everybody knows your name ♪
♪ You wanna go
where people know ♪
♪ People are all the same ♪
♪ You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. ♪
Sam, uh, Malone.
Yeah, over here.
GNS Amusements.
Oh, great.
Sign here, please.
Hey, fellas, listen
up, you know how
I've been trying to
hustle up more business
for the bar?
Well, I think this
baby's just the ticket.
Cheers is now the proud owner
of a blood pressure tester.
That's... that's great, Sammy.
I think we ought to get
some velvet ropes
outside to handle the lines.
No, no, come on, will you?
Lighten up here,
this could be fun.
What the hell is this?
They sent me a slot machine.
Well, I lived kind of a
sheltered girlhood, but offhand,
I'd say this looks like
a Gametime model 36X
with remodeled sprockets,
triple-action tumblers.
"The Big Boy".
A slot machine.
I've never played one of
these, but I've always wanted to.
Hey, hey, come on, no, don't...
don't do that,
please, it's illegal.
This is the last
thing this bar needs.
I'm gonna call and
tell them to take it back.
It's just as well, Rebecca.
These are the
devil's own machines.
They systematically rob you
of your cash and your dignity,
one nickel at a time.
Allow me to demonstrate.
Oh, hey, come on,
Frasier, don't do that.
No, relax, Sam.
This is merely for
educational purposes.
Good-bye, nickel.
Free money!
The doctor is hot!
Excuse me, sir.
I represent a market
research company.
We're doing a survey.
Oh, I'm really not interested.
Thanks. Okay.
How about you, sir? Okay.
We're looking for volunteers
to taste several brands of beer.
Uh, excuse me, Paul,
we were having a
conversation here.
You were saying? Uh, uh, well,
if you're available, just
come to this address
at 2:00 this afternoon.
- 00, sure.
Hey, listen, uh, uh,
what exactly do I do?
Well, you'll be in a room
with several other volunteers,
and you'll be tasting
several varieties of beer.
We'll pay you for your time.
Excuse me, sir.
This is gonna sound
like an odd question, but...
by any chance, were
you born in a manger?
You've been selected
to take part in this study
due to your ages and
your drinking preferences.
Norm, there seems to be a typo
here on your
average beer intake.
Wow.
Now, gentlemen,
I'd like you to each take a sip
from sample A and give
me your impressions.
Ray, what do you think?
Would you serve this
beer in your home?
Yeah, sure.
And Chuck?
Very tasty, uh...
Good aftertaste, too.
And Norm.
I don't know.
Didn't you just drink some?
Yeah, but it wasn't in my mouth
long enough to really taste it.
Hold it in your
mouth a little longer.
Try savoring it for a second,
and then swallow it.
This is great.
Wow, does anyone else
know about this savoring thing?
Now try to describe the taste.
Ah... well, it's
kind of, um, sweet,
but, uh, kind of tangy, too.
You know what I mean?
Yeah... very observant.
Yeah. What about sample B?
It's kind of tart.
Actually, I thought
it was kind of sweet.
No, no, fellas.
It's really... it's...
it's more of a smoky thing.
Right again. Yeah.
That's the new mash
that they're using.
You're amazing, Norm.
What about, uh,
sample C? Let's see.
Now, this one
misses for me, okay?
Mm-hmm. It's like
the carbonation is...
is fighting the flavor,
and the flavor is losing.
This is really getting
too easy for me.
You want to challenge
me a bit here?
Okay.
Let's try samples
D through V.
Oh, D through V.
Now, hang on a second.
I may need to cleanse my palate.
Do you have any pizza?
Oh, Carla, you're not supposed
to be playing
that... It's illegal.
So is watering drinks.
Good luck to you.
Come to mama.
Come on, come on, come on.
Darn it, this machine hates me!
Say, uh, Rebecca,
uh, can I give it a try?
Go ahead, Paul.
It's obviously empty.
Hey, hey.
Wow.
Nine nickels.
Hey, I wonder, if those chicks
over there saw me win, huh?
Yeah, Paul.
I'm sure the lack
of that 45 cents
is what kept you
out of that ménage.
Come on... come on.
Be there, be there.
Damn!
What is wrong with this machine?
Frasier won, Paul
won, Carla won.
Maybe it just hates women.
Afternoon, everybody.
Norm!
What's the story, Norm?
Boy meets beer.
Boy drinks beer.
Boy gets another beer.
In this performance,
the role of the boy
will be played by Norm Peterson.
Sammy, I want
you to pour a round
for the house and
put it on my tab.
Ooh. Oh!
Oh, thank you.
What's the occasion
there, big guy?
Well, I think I got a job.
- Hey, all right, Normie.
- All right, everybody.
Stand back, I'll
take care of this.
All right, mister, I don't know
what pod you crawled out of...
but you're not
welcome in our world.
Now, go in peace and
give us our Normie back.
Seriously, remember that
beer tasting survey group?
Turns out they value
my opinion so much,
they want me to try
out at the brewery.
All right.
Who'd have thought I
have a knack for something?
Okay, now, listen up, you.
This is my last nickel.
Now, I'm not asking for a lot.
I-I just want you
to hit, just once.
Please... for me.
Why do you hate me?
Becs. What?
Come here.
What do you want?
You are acting crazy.
You're standing there
talking to a machine,
pretending like it cares
who's feeding it nickels.
It doesn't have anything
against you personally.
You're right.
Thank you.
And why are you whispering?
I don't want it to hear
me talking to you.
Pardon me, uh, are you Mike?
Hey, you must be
the new guy, Norm?
Yeah, hi. Yeah, I'll
be your supervisor.
Oh, great.
I was, uh, looking over
your sample comments,
and, uh, well,
must say they're
very impressive.
Thank you. Uh, now,
remember, this is just a trial,
but I think you're
gonna do great.
Thanks, sir.
Uh, the job's very simple.
You'll drink random
samples of beer
off the line and
give us your opinion.
That's it.
Well, uh...
you ready to see
the brewery, Norm?
Oh, I've been ready
for 43 years, sir.
You'll be sampling beer
and submitting your
comments to the master brewer
who will evaluate
them, and in turn, he'll...
Are you... are you crying, Norm?
Nah, just got something
in my eye there.
I'll get you a Kleenex.
Honey, I'm home.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Hey, Mike.
Look, if you don't mind,
I'm gonna knock
off for lunch, okay?
Yeah, sure.
You had a great
first week, Norm.
You don't have to tell me, sir.
It was the happiest
week of my life.
Here you go, Norm.
Huh? What's this?
It's your paycheck.
Oh, no, sir, I couldn't.
No, no, absolutely
not, not for this.
Go ahead, take it! Really?
You've earned it.
You know, you were right
about that timer being
off on number three tank.
That's, uh... that's something
our computer should have
picked up a long time ago.
Well, sir, a
computer can't love.
As far as I'm concerned,
the job is yours.
Oh, really? Yeah.
There's-There's just
one more thing. Yeah?
It's, uh... it's mostly
a formality... Yeah.
But, uh, well, you have to
meet with Mr. Hoffmeyer,
the president of the brewery.
Now, if Hoffmeyer likes
you, well, you're all set.
What kind of guy
is he? Oh, he's...
a bit of a tough cookie,
but, uh, if you take your work
seriously, you'll do just fine.
Okay. Well, I'd be glad
to meet the guy. Good.
Listen, if you don't
mind right now,
I've been tasting
beer all morning, okay?
So, I'm just gonna take a
break, change my clothes
and go over to
Cheers and hoist a few.
You're, uh...
You're kidding, right?
Yeah. These
clothes will be fine.
Come on. Big money.
Come on. Big money.
Oh, show me I'm not a loser.
Can't believe you're
still playing this thing.
Sam, I have pulled
that handle 578 times,
and this machine
has given me nothing.
Well, may... maybe it's broken.
Let me try it here.
Give me that.
No. No. It's you, all right.
Come on. Big money.
I hate to see her beating
herself up like that.
Yeah, I agree.
If there was just some way
that she could win, even once.
It might serve to
break her fatalism
and bolster her self-esteem.
Plus, maybe then I'd get a
shot, 'cause I am hot, hot, hot!
Well, there must be some
way we can fix that machine
so you can win just one time.
Now you're good
at this stuff, Carla.
Can't you rig it?
Why should I?
Well, because
she'd feel better about herself,
you know, maybe even feel happy.
No, really. Why should I?
Because there's a
$20 bill in it for you.
Deal.
I'd have done it for ten.
No wonder you're
going out of business.
Afternoon, everybody.
Norm!
A little busman's holiday, Norm?
No. None of those fancy
drinks for me, Sammy.
Just give me a beer.
See this, boys? Huh?
An actual paycheck.
Oh.
Tell you what, Sammy.
Earning a salary does
something for a guy's self-esteem.
For the first time in years,
I'm actually making
an honest living.
Oh, look at that.
This says Norm Peterman.
That's 'cause Norm Peterson
is still drawing
unemployment, thank you.
Well, Norm, I must
say I've never seen you
look happier
or-or more fulfilled.
Well, thanks, Fras.
I still don't have
the job officially yet.
I got to meet the
president of the brewery.
But I tell you what... I feel
like I've found my calling.
Yeah, that's a wonderful
feeling, isn't it? Yeah.
You know, I remember
the first day I decided
to go into the healing arts.
Yeah, just the thought of
helping my fellow man...
It gave me a sense of
purpose, a mission in life.
Oh.
Oh, surprise, surprise!
Mrs. Davis. "I had
a bad childhood."
Join the club, sister!
I'm all out of nickels. Does
anybody have a nickel?
Hey, hey, where's that,
uh, tip jar of Carla's?
No. REBECCA: Well, I would
pay her back.
Going a little bit
overboard here, aren't you?
After all, it's just a
silly little machine.
It's not a silly
machine, Norman.
It is... It is a
metaphor for life.
It is. Everybody gets
to pull the handle,
and sometimes they win,
and sometimes they lose.
But I always lose.
I pull the handle, and
I get cherry, lemon,
bell!
Rebecca, has it ever occurred
to you that maybe the reason
you always lose is because
you think you're going to lose?
Oh, don't give me that crap!
I tried that positive
thinking stuff,
and I knew it wouldn't work,
and sure enough, it didn't!
You are overanalyzing things.
You got to live in the moment.
Take life as it comes, okay?
You start thinking too
much, everything falls apart.
Norm, how do you
not think too much?
You're-You're getting ready
for the biggest
interview of your life!
Yeah.
If I were you, I would
be a nervous wreck.
You know, I had a
shot at my dream job.
Yeah?
And I-I did really, really well.
And then it came time
for me to meet the
big boss, and I choked.
I went in, and-and I
complimented him,
and then I realized,
"Oh, God, I'm kissing up."
So I took back the compliment,
and then it looked
like I was insulting him.
So then I started telling
jokes, and they were really bad.
And then... And-And
then, the next thing I knew,
I was singing, "Knick
knack paddy whack" song.
And I was just singing
and singing at the
top of my lungs.
And I just kept burying
myself deeper and deeper.
And I lost my dream job.
And when I walked out
of that House of Pancakes,
I felt two inches tall.
Well, Rebecca, that's about
the most depressing thing
I've ever heard in my life.
Hey, don't... Norm,
don't listen to me.
It'll just bring you down.
Yeah. And you know what?
I've been a jinx my entire life,
but that's me.
That isn't you.
You're gonna do great.
Thanks.
Good luck.
Well, thanks a lot, Rebecca.
And for what it's worth,
I don't think you're
a jinx, all right?
Thanks.
Ah, Norm.
Mr. Hoffmeyer's on his way.
Uh, now remember,
this is just a formality.
He's heard all kinds of
good things about you,
and, well, I'm sure that
as soon as he meets you,
uh, you'll be a permanent
part of this brewery.
You seem a little
nervous. Are you, Norm?
No. No.
Oh, Mr. Hoffmeyer,
I'd like you to meet
our star taster, Norm.
Norm, Mr. Hoffmeyer.
Norm, I hear you're
doing excellent work for us.
Thank you very much, sir.
Nice pants.
I can't believe
I just said that.
Look, I'm not
trying to kiss up, sir.
I take back what I said
about those pants, okay?
Not that they're not nice pants.
I mean, of course they are.
They're-They're-They're
great pants, you know.
I just don't want you to think
that all I'm doing is
looking at your pants.
I'm also looking
at your face, sir,
and-and your shirt, your
tie, all of which are lovely.
Like a manly kind of lovely.
You know what I mean?
Good Lord, I'm not making
much sense, am I, sir?
Let me just start
all over again.
Hello. My name is Norm Pants.
Ooh! Yay. That didn't
come out right, either, did it?
I'm gonna laugh about
that one tonight, sir.
And I'm sure you will, too,
when you take those
pants off tonight.
Not that I'm thinking
about you taking
your pants off, sir!
Nothing could be
further from the truth!
I mean, well, now,
don't get me wrong.
You know, it's not like
I would be grossed out
if you took your pants off.
Go ahead, run around
naked for all I care!
After all, you'll do
whatever you want to do.
You're Mr. Hoffmeyer,
for crying out loud!
Oh, come on,
lighten up, will you?!
Why are you such a sourpuss?
Come on. What's it going to take
to put a smile
on that face, huh?
♪ With a knick knack paddy
whack, give a dog a bone ♪
♪ This old man
came rolling home! ♪
Sorry about the job there, Norm.
Oh, don't worry about it, Cliff.
What are you going to do?
I had my dream job
for a week, and I lost it.
But you've got to look on the...
on the bright side, you know.
I mean, somebody could
walk up to me tomorrow,
tap me on the shoulder, say,
"Hey, we want you to sample
various types of pretzels."
You know?
Or-Or-Or pizza.
Could happen.
Maybe, big guy.
Well, I did it. I
rigged the machine.
The next person who
pulls that handle is going
to be up to their
knees in nickels.
All right, now,
don't you feel good?
I mean, doesn't it
make you feel happy
to know you did something
for a fellow human being?
Isn't that what life's
really all about?
You don't have my 20
bucks, do you, Sam?
It's been kind of a
slow week, honey. I...
Now, wai-wai-wait.
Norm.
I just wanted to tell you
how sorry I am
about this afternoon.
Rebecca, for the
hundredth time, please relax.
It wasn't your fault.
I did it myself.
I choked under pressure.
Well, I felt so
guilty that I went out
and got us this
quart of ice cream.
Hmm.
Mmm.
This is what we losers do, Norm.
We just drown our
sorrows in ice cream.
But you know what?
Huh?
At least we're not alone.
We have each other.
You're not going to
kiss me again, are you?
'Cause I still have
to drive home.
Oh! Hey, look at that.
These are nickels, I guess, huh?
Say, why don't you, uh, play
the slot machine one more time?
Because I will lose.
Where have you been all week?
No. You know, I
feel good about this.
Why-Why-Why don't
you give it one more shot?
No. Oh, come on!
What's it gonna take
for you to understand
that I will never win?
All right, fine, fine. Come on.
Everybody step up while
Lady Luck thumbs her
nose at Rebecca Howe.
I got my nickel back.
I thought that thing
was supposed to pay off.
It's been paying off all week.
I guess it's empty.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Sorry?
This has never
happened to me before.
I broke even.
I've never broken even before.
I'm not a loser.
I'm a break-evener.
Norm is a loser.
See him eating his ice cream?
You know what this means?
It means that my
life isn't so terrible.
It's... It's so-so!
Isn't this great?!
Hey, guys,
did Rebecca call me a loser?
I'm afraid so, Norm.
Good. I thought she
said, "Leave me some."