Cheers (1982–1993): Season 11, Episode 12 - Sunday Dinner - full transcript

With new video camera in hand, Cliff, with assistant Norm, is hired by a man named Peter to videotape his parent's fiftieth wedding anniversary celebration to be held at the bar. Half way through the proceedings, the battery in the camera dies and Cliff has no alternate power supply. Rather than tell Peter as Norm would like Cliff to do, Cliff decides to continue "filming" anyway. Beyond Peter's want for the tape after all is said and done, Cliff probably wishes he had filmed the proceedings. Meanwhile, Frasier has a new temporary secretary, twenty-one year old Shauna, who directly and unabashedly hits on Frasier. On Sam's urging, Frasier decides to take Shauna up on her offer of Sunday dinner at her house. Frasier is nervous about what seems like a sure thing with Shauna. The evening doesn't end up quite the way Frasier had imagined. However, Frasier, who is forced to stay until the end of the dinner, ultimately makes the most of his evening.

Next time on Cheers...

Hi, Dr. Crane.

Oh, hello, Shauna.

Frasier's new secretary
has the hots for the boss.

Why don't you come over

to my place for dinner
on Sunday night?

Now, who says you can't
teach an old dog new tricks, huh?

But this old hound is headed
for one heck of a good shocker.

How old are you, like, 90?

And to top it off,

there's a problem
with the old boyfriend.



Oh, please!

Fraser's date with destiny,

next time on Cheers.

Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.

Hi, this is Cheers.

Well, it isn't actually
Cheers, it's Woody Boyd.

Cheers is actually the bar,

and as such, it couldn't
be expected to talk.

Woody, start again.

Why? I'm doing fine.

Anyway, uh, there's no one
here to take your call right now.

Well, actually, if
you called right now,

we could take your call,
but if you call when you're...

Woody, would you cut it out?



It's sounding stupid.

I am not.

W-W-Why do you always treat me

like I don't know
what I'm doing?

It sounds stupid, Woody.

It does not.

Hi, Sam, this is Woody.

Uh, I guess you were right.

It does sound stupid.

I'll change it tomorrow.

♪ Making your way
in the world today ♪

♪ Takes everything you've got ♪

♪ Taking a break
from all your worries ♪

♪ Sure would help a lot ♪

♪ Wouldn't you
like to get away? ♪

♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪

♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪

♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪

♪ You wanna be
where you can see ♪

♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪

♪ You wanna be where
everybody knows your name ♪

♪ You wanna go
where people know ♪

♪ People are all the same ♪

♪ You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. ♪

Hey, everybody.

How's it going?

Hey, Norm, look at this.

I just got myself a
brand-new video camera.

Ooh, nice one.

Looks kind of expensive.

Oh, yeah, it is, it is,

but it-it'll pay for
itself in no time at all.

Yeah? Yeah.

Yeah, I plan to stage some
footage for those programs,

you know, like America's
Funniest Home Videos,

Rescue 911,
Nightline, stuff like that.

Cliff, I don't think
Nightline is staged.

You are so naive.

Good afternoon, everybody.

Hey, Doc. Hey.

So, what's new?

Got a message
for you here, Fras.

Yeah, here we go.

Shauna called you.

Now, settle down, class.

Shauna is my secretary.

My temporary secretary.

She's all of 21 years
old, for God's sake.

Come on, stop it, you guys.

Have a little class, will you?

So you going to try and bag her?

No, I am not.

Although it's not entirely
out of the realm of reality.

It does seem that the lass
has a... a thing, for Dr. Crane.

Good for you.

Well, I mean, after all,
it's not so hard to believe.

I've been keeping myself
in pretty good shape.

You know, I've been
Nordic Tracking it every night.

Don't you worry, Peter.

Your parents' 50th
anniversary party will go off

without a hitch.

We'll provide
everything you need...

The food, the drinks, the
decorations, the works.

Sign here.

I can't thank you
enough for all your help.

Good, then we'll see
you on Sunday afternoon.

You'll find every
detail will be perfect.

Terrific, now all I
need is a photographer.

Hey, whoa, whoa, hey.

Whoa, whoa.

Excuse me, there, buddy boy.

I, uh, couldn't help overhearing

that you're looking
for a photographer?

That's right. Well,
you are in luck.

I'm Clifford Clavin,

one of the best camcorder
jockeys in all of Boston.

If you're in the video business,

why are you dressed
as a mailman?

Costume party down
at the Directors Guild.

Yeah.

So, what do you say?

You want me to do your
party for, for 50 clams?

Sounds terrific.

I guess I'm pretty lucky
to have run into you.

Yeah. I'll see you on Sunday.

Hey, you betcha.

Huh, huh, huh?

What do you think, Norm, huh?

It's the beginning of a
whole new career there.

Yeah.

Speaking of which, uh,

I could use an assistant
for my video endeavors.

Uh, what do you say?

I could start you off
at 20, uh, 15 bucks.

15 bucks?

I could use the money.

I've got to get Vera
a Christmas present.

Uh, Christmas was a
couple of weeks ago.

Oh, my.

Hi, Dr. Crane.

Oh, hello, Shauna.

You, uh, left some
papers on your desk,

and they looked important,

so I thought I'd
bring them over.

Well, you didn't really...

I mean, these
weren't that important.

There's no need, uh,
these could have waited.

Oh, I-I don't mind.

I-I wasn't doing
anything anyway,

and besides, it
gives me a chance

to see you outside
of the office.

I think you look
even better in here.

Yes, uh, dank
basements flatter me.

Oh, Dr. Crane.

Can I ask you a question?

Well, yes, go right ahead.

Well, this is probably
against the rules,

but would you be
at all interested in,

you know,

seeing each other outside
the office sometime?

Uh, well, uh,

oh, uh,

gosh, Shauna, I, uh, you
know, I'm-I'm terribly busy,

and of course there
is my son to think of.

Oh, hey, listen,

I-I don't want to make
you feel uncomfortable.

Um, tell you what.

Let me just go check and
see if you have any messages,

and then I'll be on my way.

Are you crazy?

Did I just hear you turn
down a date with that girl?

Come on, man, reel her in.

Oh, Sam, you don't
seem to understand.

Look, I just came off
a seven-year marriage.

It's hard to... think
of replacing Lilith.

Just go to the morgue
and open any drawer.

Listen, listen, listen, listen.

I'm not, I'm not saying
you got to replace the corp...

Replace Lilith.

All I'm saying is, you know,
ask-ask her out on a date.

Well, perhaps... i-in
a few days maybe.

No, come on, do it now.

Ask her right this sec...

I tell you, if you don't,
I'm gonna ask her out.

You got one minute
on the old Sammy clock.

All right, by George,
I'll do it right this minute.

Attaboy.

Frasier Crane is
back in the game.

No messages.

Uh, Shauna, uh,

what you were saying before, uh,

about our seeing
each other, um...

Well, uh, to put it this way,

uh, about, you know,
you and me, uh...

You got about 30 seconds.

Would you really
like to go out with me?

You bet I would.

You know, uh, I have an idea.

Instead of going out,

why don't you come
over to my place

for dinner on Sunday night?

Uh, your place?

Uh, well, I'd be delighted.

Uh, can I bring anything...
A dessert maybe?

Oh, no, Dr. Crane.

Don't bring dessert.

I'll take care of that.

You're going to get dessert!
You're going to get dessert!

I told you we're closed.

It's a private party.

Employees only.

Please.

I'll tell them I own the place.

I do it all the time.

For the last time, go home!

Ow!

Carla, will you stop being
rude to the customers?

It was Paul.

Oh, I'm sorry, I couldn't
see through the glass.

Okay, here we are, Frederick.

Hey.

It's my pal Freddy.

Go to your Uncle Sammy there.

Here we go. Oh, Sam.

Listen, I can't thank you
enough for volunteering

to fill in when the
babysitter canceled.

I mean, if you hadn't offered,

I wouldn't be able
to see Sauna tonight.

I mean, I mean... Shauna.

Wow, boy, there's
a slip for you!

Aw, it's my pleasure.

You're looking good, Freddy.

Okay, now, I brought
some of his toys here.

We've got his,
uh, his choo-choo.

Hmm.

And his blankey. Mm-hmm.

And his toy soldier.

Here you go. Ooh, cool.

And, uh... well, let's see...

Bag full of educational
crap that Lilith got him.

Ah.

And his, uh, favorite
book The Runaway Bunny.

You keep that book away from me.

How come, Carla?

I have eight kids.

I've read that book
a thousand times,

and every time I read
it, I bawl like a baby.

Oh, no kidding.

"Once there was a little bunny

Stop it. No, stop it. "who
wanted to run away..."

Stop it!

Stop it! Stop it!

Stop it! Stop it!
Stop it! Stop it!

Frasier, can I take
Freddy a minute?

Well, of course.

You remember Auntie Rebecca?

Hello. Good boy, Frederick.

Yeah, take them
both, take them both.

There you go. Thank you.

All right, Sam, now listen,

here's a list of numbers.

Here's, uh, my beeper.

This is, uh, Shauna's house.

And this is Lilith
at the eco-pod.

They got a telephone
at the eco-pod?

Well, no, it's just
for emergencies,

but, uh, listen, call her,
yank her chain for me.

I won't have a
chance to do it tonight.

I'll see if I can get to
it. Thanks. Oh, and, uh,

one other thing I need
to discuss with you.

Very important,
uh, in, uh, private.

Could you just join
me in the men's room?

In the men's room?

That's a little weird, isn't it?

Oh, Sam, get your head

out of the seventh
grade for God's sake!

We're just two men having
a private conversation.

All right, okay.

Well, don't go in with me!

How would that look?!

Oh!

All right, hey, there you are.

Okay, everybody, just relax.

Don't mind me.

Pretend like I'm not here.

There you are.
Everything's all set.

I took the liberty of making
name tags for everybody.

See? Hello, my name's Rebecca.

And this one is for you, Peter.

And your name is?

We're all family.

We know each other's names.

Well, let me make
one out for you anyway.

B-I-T-C...

Come on, man. I
got a party out here!

All right, Sam, please.

This is very important.

What do you think?

Oh, it's super.

Really?

Oh, you're ser...?

Oh, I'm... no, I'm sorry.

No, uh... oh, I can't
lie to you, man.

This is just, uh...

Well, it's-it's not you.

Damn, you know...

It looked so good on
the Styrofoam head.

Oh, hell, Sam, who
am I trying to kid?

Oh, this is ridiculous.

I'm gonna call
Shauna and cancel.

Oh, well, wait a second.

Wh-What are you doing,
man? She likes you.

Didn't you hear what she said?

"Oh, no, Dr. Crane,
don't bring dessert.

I'll take care of that."

Oh, I'm just... I'm just
too old to be dating.

Oh, stop it! Come on,
you were a ladies man

before you met Lilith,
weren't you? Well, yeah.

Yeah, you were!

Hey, look at that. Look at that.

You are a good-lookin' man.

Well, I'm not
exactly a... a dog.

Come on. Go over
there, enjoy yourself.

You know, all
you've got to do is

bring a little champagne,
some flowers,

sweet talk her a little bit.

Before you know it,
it's time to go home.

Or maybe, you don't go home.

You know what I mean?

Is that the way, uh, most
dates go for you, Sam?

No, now come on,
now, don't do that.

See, this is not a test.

You're not expected
to perform at my level.

The thing is just to...

enjoy myself, as myself.

Yes.

Okay. Thanks, Sam. Yeah, yeah.

Now, Frasier Crane...

is gonna go get some
before it gets cold.

Oh... Everything
okay in here, Sam?

Yeah, yeah, no problem just, uh,

you know, I had to help
Frasier out with something.

We've got bigger problems, Sam.

Those things are back!

Well, come on in, Dr. Crane.

Dinner's on the table.

How old are you, like, 90?

Okay, so this button's
the "on-off" button.

This, uh, this button here
makes it louder or softer.

And these two buttons right here

make everything
bluer or greener.

Those two are my favorites.

Have a ball there.

Poor kid.

Probably don't let him
watch enough TV at home.

Yeah.

It's a wonder why some
people even have kids. Oh...

Great shot. Great shot.

Oh! Hey, listen, ma'am,

would you mind
holding this in your lap

and just tilt it up at
an angle like that?

I want to do a
slow tracking shot.

Hi, sexy.

What are you going to be
doing after work tonight?

Trying to forget
you asked me that.

Well, you do great work.

Look for your, uh,

credits in the end
titles, there, sweetheart.

Cliffie, what's this red
blinking light mean?

Oh, that means
the battery's dead.

All right, give me the spare.

I'll slap it in for you.

Actually, I don't, I don't
have a spare there, Norm.

Okay, uh, no problem,
just give me the power cord.

We'll find an outlet.

These come with power cords?

What are you...? What
are you telling me?

That this camera doesn't...
this camera is useless?

These people paid
us good money, Cliff.

What are we going to do?!

Relax, will you, Norm.

We'll-We'll figure out
some kind of a plan.

Well, you'd better
come up with something.

All right, here. Here's
what we'll do. All right.

We'll just carry on and film
as though nothing's wrong.

We'll pretend the
camera's working.

Then in a couple of days
when they call us for the film,

we'll say, "We
dropped it in the mail.

It must have gotten lost."

All right? We got the 50 bucks,

nobody's the wiser.

Great, great, as long
as you have a plan.

Norm, you know,
in a couple of weeks,

nobody here's gonna remember

some stupid
anniversary party. Yeah.

Attention, everyone!

I've waited 50
years to say this.

Wait a minute, Dad.

Say it into the camera.

We want to preserve
this moment forever.

Hey, guys, come on over!

Okay, coming right
up! Come on, Norm.

Let's go capture this
moment on video tape.

I-I don't know why
it's taken me so long

to say this to you kids,

but I love you,

every one of you.

Cliff, you've got to tell them.

It's not my fault the
guy took 50 years

to tell his kids he loved them.

I mean, what kind of
father is that anyway?

All right, so there was one
moment in the whole thing.

Big whoops.

I mean, you know, with
all the drinking and yelling,

nobody's gonna
remember anything.

Grandma! Grandpa!

I flew 34 hours

in a marine cargo
plane to get here.

But it's worth
it all just to say,

"Happy Anniversary, I love you!"

Oh, Terry, my baby boy!

Thank God we're
getting this on tape!

Yeah, thank God.

My God, Terry.
They wouldn't tell us

if you were alive or dead.

There's one thing
that kept me alive.

I was thinking about
coming home to you.

Oh! Oh!

All right, Cliff, come on.

What are we gonna do here?

You got to tell them.

All right, look, look everybody.

My boss here has an
announcement to make.

Uh, yeah, everybody.

I've got to go on my break.

My assistant will take over.

All right, now, let's, uh,

squeeze in tight everybody.

So...

you're, uh, Shauna's family.

You know, when Shauna
invited me for dinner,

she didn't mention that
we'd be having dinner

with her whole family.

Interestingly enough,
many young people today

are choosing to move
back in with their parents.

We call it the, uh,
"Full Nest Syndrome."

It wasn't her choice.

Well...

Shauna's made
some bad decisions.

She's not real good
on responsibility.

Well, I must say that she, uh,

she handled herself quite
well this week at my office.

Thank you, Dr. Crane. See?!

Oh, yeah, Doctor,

I forgot I was getting
a professional opinion.

Where did you go to school?

Harvard.

Well, la-di-da.

And is this what they
taught you at Harvard?

How to take advantage
of my daughter?

Sir, I am not taking advantage.

I was merely invited for
an innocent little dinner.

Oh? Just "an
innocent little dinner"?

Mind if I check your wallet?

There's no need for that!

I don't like this, Shauna.

But why not, Daddy?

Isn't this the kind of
guy that you always

wanted me to date?

Is this the choice you give me?

Either some silver-spoon
egghead or that hippy?

Why are you bringing up Rick?

I thought I was
forbidden to see Rick.

"Rick"?

That's her old boyfriend.

Okay, I get it.

All right, thank you,
Shauna, for inviting me to be

a little pawn in your game.

Now, if you'll excuse
me, I'll just be going.

Oh, no, please stay, Dr. Crane.

Everything is fine.

Everything is just fine.

Uh, Tater Tots?

I don't know why
he likes Shauna.

She's only big up
there, 'cause she stuffs.

Shut up, Todd!

He would have found out,

in, like, a year.

Make him shut up!

And whom else have we invited

for dinner, tonight, Shauna?

If I'm right and this is in fact

the worst night of my
life, it would be Rick.

Well, you know that dropout's

not allowed in this house.

Shauna!

Rick!

You came for me.

You really do love me.

Oh, please.

That's it, I'm
calling the police.

Daddy, why can't you like Rick?

Can't you see
that we're in love?

Don't you run out on me, Shauna!

I'm your father!

Don't lock that door.

Don't lock that door.
Don't lock that door.

I think I'll just be going now.

Why? Everything is just fine.

It's just fine.

Now, who's got room for dessert?

So I guess, Freddy, uh,

you know what they're
saying is that wherever

the baby bunny goes,
the mommy bunny is...

is there waiting for
him to take care of him.

I guess I, uh, must
have touched my eye

with some of that, uh,
salt from the peanuts.

Me, too.

That's it, yeah.

Let's do the good-byes now.

Wave, yes.

See you later. Had a good time.

We're gonna need
a lot of copies of this.

Oh, yes, sir. Well,
you'll get 'em.

All right, sir.

You'll get those
copies, all right.

We're going to jail, Norm.

What do you mean "we"?

I'm only the assistant here.

Everybody, I have
something to say.

I want you all to know that

you have given me
the strength to do this.

This is too much, Cliff.

Either you tell them
now, or I'm going to.

Yeah, well, I guess I'd better

before Bigfoot walks in here

and starts singing
"The Anniversary Waltz."

I guess if you give me
the tape, we'll be going.

Oh! So you want
the tape right now?

Uh, I tell you what,
how about if I take

a shot from up
here, one last shot.

Norm, uh...
Everybody, over here!

Turn this way, uh...

let me see those
pearly whites, huh?

Okay, everybody smile.

Okay, we'll just
back it up here, Norm.

Back it up.

Open the door, Norm.

Okay, back it up. That's good.

Okay, I'm just gonna back it up.

Everybody wave, yeah.

Run like hell!

Yahtzee!