Cheers (1982–1993): Season 10, Episode 16 - One Hugs, the Other Doesn't - full transcript
Frasier has a run-in with his first wife while at a children's concert with his family.
Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
This is sick.
Just stop harassing me.
You'll get your money
when I'm good and ready.
And if you try to contact me
at the workplace one more time,
I'm gonna turn you
over to the authorities!
Jerk.
Which one of your kids was that?
That was not one of my kids.
I don't talk to
my kids that way.
Bill collector, then, huh? No,
it was my mother.
Her Social Security check
is late, like it's my
fault she's getting old.
Did you hear the way
she talked to her mother?
I could never talk to
my mother like that.
Hey, Carla, could you
give my mom a call?
♪ Making your way
in the world today ♪
♪ Takes everything you've got ♪
♪ Taking a break
from all your worries ♪
♪ Sure would help a lot ♪
♪ Wouldn't you
like to get away? ♪
♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪
♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪
♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪
♪ You wanna be
where you can see ♪
♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪
♪ You wanna be where
everybody knows your name ♪
♪ You wanna go
where people know ♪
♪ People are all the same ♪
♪ You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. ♪
It's the Crane Family Circus.
Let the mayhem ensue.
All right,
you're here, let's go.
All right, Sam, what
is the big mystery?
Where are you taking us?
Oh, I wanted to have
it be a big surprise,
but I can't keep it
to myself any longer.
Freddie, who
would you like to see
more than anyone else
on your second birthday?
Oh, Sam, you got tickets
to the Nanny G concert...
The 1992 Tickle Tummy Tour.
♪ Tickle your tummy ♪
♪ Life is kind of yummy ♪
♪ When you're feeling crummy ♪
♪ Just look up
and laugh a lot. ♪
Somebody hand me a
blunt instrument, please.
Here you go.
Use it label-side-up
so it doesn't crack.
Thanks, you're a doll.
Look,
you kids, uh, go to
the concert without me.
Frasier, this is
Frederick's first concert.
Yes, and this is my bugging
out of Frederick's first concert.
I intend to do this
all through his childhood
and teenage years.
Then, finally, when
he's in his mid-20s
and he comes to me and says,
"Father, let's go hear
Bobby Short at the Carlyle,"
I'll turn and say, "Son,
now you're talking."
Frasier, you're missing the
whole point of this concert.
The show for us
is not on the stage.
It's in the delighted
eyes of your child.
Oh, right, delighted eyes,
shiny face, yada yada yada.
Well, let's go see Nanny G.
Come on. Nanny G?
I saw her Itsy Bitsy World
concert and fell in love.
Her in a peasant blouse...
boing!
I just don't understand
why people don't
expose their children
to good music anymore.
When I was a lad, my
parents took me to see
Peter and The Wolf,
The Nutcracker Suite,
Swan Lake, not...
♪ Tickle your tummy ♪
♪ Life is kind of yummy. ♪
See, it's catchy, isn't it?
Well, sure, when I do it, but
I can sing the phone book.
Hey, guys, how you doing?
- Hey, Woodrow.
How's it going? What
are you doing here, man?
Eh, took a chance,
called a scalper.
Money talks.
That's great. Where
are you sitting?
Oh, I'm up in the second
balcony next to the last row.
At least I'm not
in the last row.
Those poor suckers.
Oh.
Say, uh, these are nice seats.
Aren't they, though?
I don't suppose
anybody would want
to trade me.
You know, someone
who wasn't, say,
as devoted a
lifelong fan as I am.
Sam?
You could at least
make eye contact.
Hey, Freddie, I'll give
you ten bucks. Woody.
Woody.
Now we can enjoy the show.
Boys and girls of all
ages, it's showtime.
And who are you here to see?
Nanny G!
I can't hear you.
Nanny G!
I still can't hear you.
Come out in the damn audience!
You'll hear 'em just fine!
Nanny G!
♪ Tickle your tummy,
life is kind of yummy ♪
♪ When you're feeling crummy,
just look up and laugh a lot ♪
♪ Ha-ha-ha-ha... ♪
I know I've seen her before.
Where, where?
I hate it when this happens.
Frasier, please be quiet.
I'm trying to hear the lyrics.
♪ ♪
♪ And nothing you
can do will turn that... ♪
Oh, my God, I know who she is.
That's Nanette Guzman.
Who? My first wife.
Who?
Uh, I was just talking to Sam.
And what were you saying to Sam?
Your first wife?
Wow.
Isn't that a kick?
I thought I was your first wife.
Daddies, you all stand
up and clap with me.
Okay?
♪ ♪
Frasier, sit down.
I'm a daddy.
What else have
you lied to me about?
Darling, I... I'm
sorry I didn't tell you.
I just couldn't seem
to find the right time.
I guess I-I just
loved you so much
that you made me forget that
there ever was another woman.
Oh, serve it on toast.
Lilith, Nanette and I
were, we were just kids.
I was first-year med school.
It only lasted a few months.
Well, I barely remember her.
I remember her cat
better... Bobo Black Paws.
He used to love to
sleep on my naked back.
Oh, God, he used to purr like
an airplane when we were...
Shoot, I can't remember.
It's all gone.
Thanks so much.
You know what?
My favorite thing
in the whole big, wide
world is making new friends.
Oh, I'll bet.
♪ When you meet someone ♪
♪ Who might become
a friend to you... ♪
So, Frasier, have
you been married
to any other well-
known performers?
If, for instance, we
should take Frederick
to the circus next month,
should I feel threatened
by Jojo The Dog-Faced Girl?
♪ I... want... to... ♪
♪ Shake your hand... ♪
Lilith, you have got to
get a handle on this thing.
The marriage
was a silly mistake.
We rectified it.
We went on with our lives,
we've never spoken since.
If we ran into each
other on the street,
she wouldn't know me from Adam.
♪ I want to shake your
hand, shake your hand ♪
♪ You and I... ♪
Oh, my God.
Don't you want to shake my hand?
She shook everyone's hand.
She even kissed some
guy in the fourth row.
They don't shake your hand in
row YY in the second balcony.
Oh... no.
They'll happily charge
you $28.50 a pop,
but that don't buy no
handshake in double Y.
So Frasier was
married to that... oh,
how would one describe her?
Bitch.
Never even told me about her.
Well, if that's what he
wants, he can have it.
♪ I want to shake your
hand, snatch you bald ♪
♪ I want to scratch
your eyes out ♪
♪ I want to drain your blood
and replace it with a... ♪
♪ Mercuric chloride,
formaldehyde ♪
♪ And alcohol solution. ♪
You had to be there.
Boy, never seen this
side of Lilith before.
I like it.
Oh, I know what
Lilith's going through.
When I was in high school,
I used to date this guy...
Corky Pasavak.
He was in drama class, but
he, but he was still real macho.
Anyway, one time he
asked me to go to the movies,
and when we were
walking down the aisle
we ran into his old girlfriend.
I don't even know
why I'm telling
this story; I mean,
I'll just end up...
getting a lump in my
throat, trailing off...
and bursting into tears.
Not this time, damn
you, not this time!
Well, I think that
was a new record.
Where is Lilith?
She's in the ladies' room.
Hey, Fras,
heard you used to be
married to a children's singer.
What's the matter?
Burl Ives turn you down?
Look, am, am I the only one
who was ever married before?
It's history, it was
a long time ago.
So I didn't tell her. So what?
Yes, Frasier, but
why didn't you tell her?
Hmm?
Marriage is built
on trust, you know.
You ever told her how
you really feel inside?
Have you ever shared with her?
Have you ever cried with her?
You're right, Norm.
I should have told her about it.
I, I'll never forgive myself.
That was beautiful, Normie.
Where'd you get it?
Last week's Matlock.
I don't know what
he got the guy off for,
but that was his summation.
Oh, it's my first husband.
Now, cut that out.
Where's my son?
Where's Frederick?
Did you sell him to the gypsies
so you could spend more
time with Nanny G Spot?
It was perfectly innocent.
Oh, Frasier, let's
just not talk about it.
You say it was a
youthful indiscretion.
I'll take you at your word.
I can do that because
I'm secure within myself.
I've also had a
wee bit of Dewar's.
So it's... it's
really behind us?
Yes, just don't mention her.
The chapter is closed.
So, in other words,
you don't want her to come
in here and apologize to you.
No.
Hi.
Storm over yet?
Time to make a rainbow?
Lilith, I'm so sorry if I
caused you any pain.
I would have hated it
if anybody had kissed my
husband the way I kissed yours.
I guess I've just
always been a...
a kissy person.
A huggy,
kissy person.
Give me a big hug.
I'd really prefer not to.
Lilith is not a huggy person.
I know someone who could
never get enough huggings.
Well...
Well, I feel like I
want to hug you.
You don't have to hug back.
And you didn't.
Nanny G, I was
wondering if you could...
Lilith, I'd really like
to make this up to you.
Ignore me like a
cheap piece of trash.
"Oh, you could? Thank
you so very much."
I have a super idea.
Frasier tells me you're
having a birthday party
for your little boy tomorrow.
How about if I come by and sing
for the kiddletinos?
Oh, well,
actually, it's not really
going to be much of a party.
It's just a small
family gathering.
Oh, hey, if, uh,
Nanny G's going to
sing, you know Vera's
nieces and nephews
would love to come.
It is free, isn't it?
Sure is. CARLA: Oh!
My God, wait till
the twins find out.
I'll be their hero.
I couldn't get
tickets to the concert.
Guess I should've tried.
It's free, right?
Actually, as much
as I'd love to invite
all of you and your little folk,
the party's going to
be in our own home,
and, frankly, it's much too...
well, I just don't
want you there.
Well, I'll tell you what, why
don't we have it in the bar?
Before we open, tomorrow
morning; it'll be fun.
Well, that's settled, then.
See you all tomorrow.
And don't forget to
have goofy dreams.
You know, most people would
make that sound corny, but...
Yeah, well, I'd better, uh,
make some phone calls.
I've got a whole
neighborhood full of brats.
If I bring 'em, they'll, uh,
probably tell me
where my car is.
Darling, are you going
to be okay with this?
Am I going to be okay with this?
Let's see.
Earlier today I discovered
that my husband
had an ex-wife he
never told me about.
Then I had the pleasure
of watching him kiss
said ex-wife in front
of a thousand children,
including his own.
Then, to top it all
off, she hugged me.
Can you deduce from
my tone whether or not
I'm going to be okay with this?
Baby, you're the greatest.
Pretty good eats, huh, Norm?
Not bad for a two-year-old.
I, myself, have been
enjoying these teeny little
tuna fish sandwiches
shaped like tiny little dinosaurs.
Yeah, quite ironic actually, uh,
seeing as how tuna, known
in Latin as Pisces middayicus...
Roughly translated
as "lunch fish"...
Was, uh, was not a
contemporary of the, uh,
prehistoric reptilian
land wanderers.
Hi, pal.
You want some apple juice?
Okay.
Frasier, where's the Nanster?
Oh, she'll be here.
You can always count on Nanette.
You know, I, I can't get over
her becoming such a big star!
Although she always
had a gorgeous voice.
Personality... God,
she'd light up a room
when she entered it. Really?
I wasn't making a direct
comparison, dear. It's...
You and, you and Nanette
are apples and oranges.
But you are by far the
finer of the two produce.
And which one would that be?
Uh... app-ranges.
Look, allow me to preempt
any further discussion
by simply saying that
you are the love of my life.
And nobody, nobody could ever
pry my eyes from
your beautiful face.
She's here! She's here!
Hi.
♪ Who is turning two today? ♪
♪ Who today is two today? ♪
♪ Freddie's turning two today ♪
♪ Hoo-de-hoo
de-hoodley-hoodley-hoo today. ♪
Isn't she wonderful?
You know, I used
to be married to her.
But now I've got this honey.
Happy birthday, Freddie!
And...
a big hello to the
birthday mother.
Great, now I'm going
to smell like gingerbread
for the rest of the day.
Cliffie.
Huh? You smell gingerbread?
Yeah, let's hunt it down.
My goodness, Frasier.
I can't believe you have
such a big, wonderful boy.
Frasier and I weren't together
long enough to
have any children.
Although we sure
did try a lot, didn't we?
I, uh, I don't remember.
I do.
Hey, Nanny G.
Hi, I'm Carla. Hi, hello.
And these are my twins,
Jesse and Elvis.
My, they're glorious.
Thanks, thanks.
They're a little shy,
but they'd both like
an autographed album.
Why, sure.
"Love, Nanny G." It's for you.
Would you like an autographed
album for your little girl?
Oh, that's so sweet.
Twenty bucks.
They grow up so fast.
Oh, sure, she's got lots of
time to hook the little consumers.
Oh, Woody.
Have a Fruit Loop necklace
and chill out, will you?
Come here. Come here.
Say, Nanny G?
Yes? Somebody here wants
to meet you. Come on,
come on. Oh, no, Sam,
you don't have to introduce us.
I recognize this fellow.
The next to last
row of the balcony,
section YY.
I couldn't forget your smile.
Although I haven't
seen it since.
There it is!
I, I...
I love you, Nanny G!
You think he bought it?
Yeah, he's an easy sale. Good.
Hey, no cuts!
You're not the boss of me.
You like that stool?
Yep.
Drink pretty good there?
Yep.
Tell you what, kiddo...
Here you go, scoot, go on.
Wish someone
would've done that for me
when I was seven years old.
Mommies, daddies,
boys and girls...
half a bar full of people
I've never seen before...
I'd like you to gather
around here at the steps
for a special sing-along
with Nanny G.
She saw me!
She saw me in the theatre
from a hundred miles away.
She's magic. Nanny G is magic!
Get a life.
Well, my, my, my, oh, my.
Well, I was going
to start by singing
"The Doodle Bug Song."
Thank you. Thank you.
But instead,
I want to begin by singing
a very special song
for a very wonderful boy.
♪ The first time ♪
♪ Ever I saw your face ♪
♪ I thought the sun
rose in your eyes ♪
♪ And the moon... ♪
Why is she looking
directly at you?
She isn't looking at me.
She's looking in the general
direction of our loving family.
I think she's singing
the song to you, Frasier.
Oh, you're being paranoid.
She's singing a lovely
song to a two-year-old child.
♪ The first time ♪
♪ Ever I lay with you... ♪
All right! That's it!
Stop the music!
Leave my man alone!
I'm sorry, I can't help it.
Frasier, I've never
stopped loving you.
Well, maybe this'll help!
Girl fight! Girl fight!
You know, I'm going to
suffer for this tomorrow,
but today, right now,
this exact moment,
I'm the happiest man on Earth.
Girls!
Well, Lilith, the
bleeding's finally stopped.
Those head wounds.
Serves you right for trying
to get between us.
Darling, I, I had to
stop the two of you.
Although I must say I was
proud to see you fight for me.
It made me feel so loved.
Of course, Nanette
was pretty vicious, too.
Oh, but you were by
far the most vicious.
Thank you.
Lilith, I...
I should have told you
about my first
marriage before, but...
I just didn't think it was
relevant to our lives today.
Frasier, I know why
you didn't tell me.
You didn't tell me because
you're a craven coward.
You know me so
well, it's frightening.
Can you ever forgive me?
I suppose I'll have to.
You know, if I must say so,
you hug better than she does.
Frasier, you're such a toady.
Yes, but I'm your toady.
Dr. Crane, I didn't
want to interrupt you
while you were bleeding,
but, uh, I found this box
underneath one of
the tables over there
when I was sweeping
up Nanny G's hair.
"To Frederick from Nanny G."
Oh, look!
It's a little Nanny G doll.
Oh, it says "push here."
♪ Here's a silly little song ♪
♪ To help you out
when things go wrong ♪
Isn't that cute?
♪ If you get lost
and can't find home ♪
♪ Just remember the
number of your phone ♪
♪ My number is 555-6792 ♪
♪ 555-6792... 555-6792 ♪
♪ That's 555... ♪ Frasier,
this is her phone number.
She's giving you
her phone number.
No, she's not.
She doesn't want
you to forget it.
She's just using
it as an example.
♪ 555... ♪
Oh, Lilith, no, don't do...
There, gone and forgotten.
NORM, CLIFF &
WOODY: ♪ 555-6792 ♪
♪ 555-6... ♪
Whoa!
Whoa! Hey!
a live studio audience.
This is sick.
Just stop harassing me.
You'll get your money
when I'm good and ready.
And if you try to contact me
at the workplace one more time,
I'm gonna turn you
over to the authorities!
Jerk.
Which one of your kids was that?
That was not one of my kids.
I don't talk to
my kids that way.
Bill collector, then, huh? No,
it was my mother.
Her Social Security check
is late, like it's my
fault she's getting old.
Did you hear the way
she talked to her mother?
I could never talk to
my mother like that.
Hey, Carla, could you
give my mom a call?
♪ Making your way
in the world today ♪
♪ Takes everything you've got ♪
♪ Taking a break
from all your worries ♪
♪ Sure would help a lot ♪
♪ Wouldn't you
like to get away? ♪
♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪
♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪
♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪
♪ You wanna be
where you can see ♪
♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪
♪ You wanna be where
everybody knows your name ♪
♪ You wanna go
where people know ♪
♪ People are all the same ♪
♪ You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. ♪
It's the Crane Family Circus.
Let the mayhem ensue.
All right,
you're here, let's go.
All right, Sam, what
is the big mystery?
Where are you taking us?
Oh, I wanted to have
it be a big surprise,
but I can't keep it
to myself any longer.
Freddie, who
would you like to see
more than anyone else
on your second birthday?
Oh, Sam, you got tickets
to the Nanny G concert...
The 1992 Tickle Tummy Tour.
♪ Tickle your tummy ♪
♪ Life is kind of yummy ♪
♪ When you're feeling crummy ♪
♪ Just look up
and laugh a lot. ♪
Somebody hand me a
blunt instrument, please.
Here you go.
Use it label-side-up
so it doesn't crack.
Thanks, you're a doll.
Look,
you kids, uh, go to
the concert without me.
Frasier, this is
Frederick's first concert.
Yes, and this is my bugging
out of Frederick's first concert.
I intend to do this
all through his childhood
and teenage years.
Then, finally, when
he's in his mid-20s
and he comes to me and says,
"Father, let's go hear
Bobby Short at the Carlyle,"
I'll turn and say, "Son,
now you're talking."
Frasier, you're missing the
whole point of this concert.
The show for us
is not on the stage.
It's in the delighted
eyes of your child.
Oh, right, delighted eyes,
shiny face, yada yada yada.
Well, let's go see Nanny G.
Come on. Nanny G?
I saw her Itsy Bitsy World
concert and fell in love.
Her in a peasant blouse...
boing!
I just don't understand
why people don't
expose their children
to good music anymore.
When I was a lad, my
parents took me to see
Peter and The Wolf,
The Nutcracker Suite,
Swan Lake, not...
♪ Tickle your tummy ♪
♪ Life is kind of yummy. ♪
See, it's catchy, isn't it?
Well, sure, when I do it, but
I can sing the phone book.
Hey, guys, how you doing?
- Hey, Woodrow.
How's it going? What
are you doing here, man?
Eh, took a chance,
called a scalper.
Money talks.
That's great. Where
are you sitting?
Oh, I'm up in the second
balcony next to the last row.
At least I'm not
in the last row.
Those poor suckers.
Oh.
Say, uh, these are nice seats.
Aren't they, though?
I don't suppose
anybody would want
to trade me.
You know, someone
who wasn't, say,
as devoted a
lifelong fan as I am.
Sam?
You could at least
make eye contact.
Hey, Freddie, I'll give
you ten bucks. Woody.
Woody.
Now we can enjoy the show.
Boys and girls of all
ages, it's showtime.
And who are you here to see?
Nanny G!
I can't hear you.
Nanny G!
I still can't hear you.
Come out in the damn audience!
You'll hear 'em just fine!
Nanny G!
♪ Tickle your tummy,
life is kind of yummy ♪
♪ When you're feeling crummy,
just look up and laugh a lot ♪
♪ Ha-ha-ha-ha... ♪
I know I've seen her before.
Where, where?
I hate it when this happens.
Frasier, please be quiet.
I'm trying to hear the lyrics.
♪ ♪
♪ And nothing you
can do will turn that... ♪
Oh, my God, I know who she is.
That's Nanette Guzman.
Who? My first wife.
Who?
Uh, I was just talking to Sam.
And what were you saying to Sam?
Your first wife?
Wow.
Isn't that a kick?
I thought I was your first wife.
Daddies, you all stand
up and clap with me.
Okay?
♪ ♪
Frasier, sit down.
I'm a daddy.
What else have
you lied to me about?
Darling, I... I'm
sorry I didn't tell you.
I just couldn't seem
to find the right time.
I guess I-I just
loved you so much
that you made me forget that
there ever was another woman.
Oh, serve it on toast.
Lilith, Nanette and I
were, we were just kids.
I was first-year med school.
It only lasted a few months.
Well, I barely remember her.
I remember her cat
better... Bobo Black Paws.
He used to love to
sleep on my naked back.
Oh, God, he used to purr like
an airplane when we were...
Shoot, I can't remember.
It's all gone.
Thanks so much.
You know what?
My favorite thing
in the whole big, wide
world is making new friends.
Oh, I'll bet.
♪ When you meet someone ♪
♪ Who might become
a friend to you... ♪
So, Frasier, have
you been married
to any other well-
known performers?
If, for instance, we
should take Frederick
to the circus next month,
should I feel threatened
by Jojo The Dog-Faced Girl?
♪ I... want... to... ♪
♪ Shake your hand... ♪
Lilith, you have got to
get a handle on this thing.
The marriage
was a silly mistake.
We rectified it.
We went on with our lives,
we've never spoken since.
If we ran into each
other on the street,
she wouldn't know me from Adam.
♪ I want to shake your
hand, shake your hand ♪
♪ You and I... ♪
Oh, my God.
Don't you want to shake my hand?
She shook everyone's hand.
She even kissed some
guy in the fourth row.
They don't shake your hand in
row YY in the second balcony.
Oh... no.
They'll happily charge
you $28.50 a pop,
but that don't buy no
handshake in double Y.
So Frasier was
married to that... oh,
how would one describe her?
Bitch.
Never even told me about her.
Well, if that's what he
wants, he can have it.
♪ I want to shake your
hand, snatch you bald ♪
♪ I want to scratch
your eyes out ♪
♪ I want to drain your blood
and replace it with a... ♪
♪ Mercuric chloride,
formaldehyde ♪
♪ And alcohol solution. ♪
You had to be there.
Boy, never seen this
side of Lilith before.
I like it.
Oh, I know what
Lilith's going through.
When I was in high school,
I used to date this guy...
Corky Pasavak.
He was in drama class, but
he, but he was still real macho.
Anyway, one time he
asked me to go to the movies,
and when we were
walking down the aisle
we ran into his old girlfriend.
I don't even know
why I'm telling
this story; I mean,
I'll just end up...
getting a lump in my
throat, trailing off...
and bursting into tears.
Not this time, damn
you, not this time!
Well, I think that
was a new record.
Where is Lilith?
She's in the ladies' room.
Hey, Fras,
heard you used to be
married to a children's singer.
What's the matter?
Burl Ives turn you down?
Look, am, am I the only one
who was ever married before?
It's history, it was
a long time ago.
So I didn't tell her. So what?
Yes, Frasier, but
why didn't you tell her?
Hmm?
Marriage is built
on trust, you know.
You ever told her how
you really feel inside?
Have you ever shared with her?
Have you ever cried with her?
You're right, Norm.
I should have told her about it.
I, I'll never forgive myself.
That was beautiful, Normie.
Where'd you get it?
Last week's Matlock.
I don't know what
he got the guy off for,
but that was his summation.
Oh, it's my first husband.
Now, cut that out.
Where's my son?
Where's Frederick?
Did you sell him to the gypsies
so you could spend more
time with Nanny G Spot?
It was perfectly innocent.
Oh, Frasier, let's
just not talk about it.
You say it was a
youthful indiscretion.
I'll take you at your word.
I can do that because
I'm secure within myself.
I've also had a
wee bit of Dewar's.
So it's... it's
really behind us?
Yes, just don't mention her.
The chapter is closed.
So, in other words,
you don't want her to come
in here and apologize to you.
No.
Hi.
Storm over yet?
Time to make a rainbow?
Lilith, I'm so sorry if I
caused you any pain.
I would have hated it
if anybody had kissed my
husband the way I kissed yours.
I guess I've just
always been a...
a kissy person.
A huggy,
kissy person.
Give me a big hug.
I'd really prefer not to.
Lilith is not a huggy person.
I know someone who could
never get enough huggings.
Well...
Well, I feel like I
want to hug you.
You don't have to hug back.
And you didn't.
Nanny G, I was
wondering if you could...
Lilith, I'd really like
to make this up to you.
Ignore me like a
cheap piece of trash.
"Oh, you could? Thank
you so very much."
I have a super idea.
Frasier tells me you're
having a birthday party
for your little boy tomorrow.
How about if I come by and sing
for the kiddletinos?
Oh, well,
actually, it's not really
going to be much of a party.
It's just a small
family gathering.
Oh, hey, if, uh,
Nanny G's going to
sing, you know Vera's
nieces and nephews
would love to come.
It is free, isn't it?
Sure is. CARLA: Oh!
My God, wait till
the twins find out.
I'll be their hero.
I couldn't get
tickets to the concert.
Guess I should've tried.
It's free, right?
Actually, as much
as I'd love to invite
all of you and your little folk,
the party's going to
be in our own home,
and, frankly, it's much too...
well, I just don't
want you there.
Well, I'll tell you what, why
don't we have it in the bar?
Before we open, tomorrow
morning; it'll be fun.
Well, that's settled, then.
See you all tomorrow.
And don't forget to
have goofy dreams.
You know, most people would
make that sound corny, but...
Yeah, well, I'd better, uh,
make some phone calls.
I've got a whole
neighborhood full of brats.
If I bring 'em, they'll, uh,
probably tell me
where my car is.
Darling, are you going
to be okay with this?
Am I going to be okay with this?
Let's see.
Earlier today I discovered
that my husband
had an ex-wife he
never told me about.
Then I had the pleasure
of watching him kiss
said ex-wife in front
of a thousand children,
including his own.
Then, to top it all
off, she hugged me.
Can you deduce from
my tone whether or not
I'm going to be okay with this?
Baby, you're the greatest.
Pretty good eats, huh, Norm?
Not bad for a two-year-old.
I, myself, have been
enjoying these teeny little
tuna fish sandwiches
shaped like tiny little dinosaurs.
Yeah, quite ironic actually, uh,
seeing as how tuna, known
in Latin as Pisces middayicus...
Roughly translated
as "lunch fish"...
Was, uh, was not a
contemporary of the, uh,
prehistoric reptilian
land wanderers.
Hi, pal.
You want some apple juice?
Okay.
Frasier, where's the Nanster?
Oh, she'll be here.
You can always count on Nanette.
You know, I, I can't get over
her becoming such a big star!
Although she always
had a gorgeous voice.
Personality... God,
she'd light up a room
when she entered it. Really?
I wasn't making a direct
comparison, dear. It's...
You and, you and Nanette
are apples and oranges.
But you are by far the
finer of the two produce.
And which one would that be?
Uh... app-ranges.
Look, allow me to preempt
any further discussion
by simply saying that
you are the love of my life.
And nobody, nobody could ever
pry my eyes from
your beautiful face.
She's here! She's here!
Hi.
♪ Who is turning two today? ♪
♪ Who today is two today? ♪
♪ Freddie's turning two today ♪
♪ Hoo-de-hoo
de-hoodley-hoodley-hoo today. ♪
Isn't she wonderful?
You know, I used
to be married to her.
But now I've got this honey.
Happy birthday, Freddie!
And...
a big hello to the
birthday mother.
Great, now I'm going
to smell like gingerbread
for the rest of the day.
Cliffie.
Huh? You smell gingerbread?
Yeah, let's hunt it down.
My goodness, Frasier.
I can't believe you have
such a big, wonderful boy.
Frasier and I weren't together
long enough to
have any children.
Although we sure
did try a lot, didn't we?
I, uh, I don't remember.
I do.
Hey, Nanny G.
Hi, I'm Carla. Hi, hello.
And these are my twins,
Jesse and Elvis.
My, they're glorious.
Thanks, thanks.
They're a little shy,
but they'd both like
an autographed album.
Why, sure.
"Love, Nanny G." It's for you.
Would you like an autographed
album for your little girl?
Oh, that's so sweet.
Twenty bucks.
They grow up so fast.
Oh, sure, she's got lots of
time to hook the little consumers.
Oh, Woody.
Have a Fruit Loop necklace
and chill out, will you?
Come here. Come here.
Say, Nanny G?
Yes? Somebody here wants
to meet you. Come on,
come on. Oh, no, Sam,
you don't have to introduce us.
I recognize this fellow.
The next to last
row of the balcony,
section YY.
I couldn't forget your smile.
Although I haven't
seen it since.
There it is!
I, I...
I love you, Nanny G!
You think he bought it?
Yeah, he's an easy sale. Good.
Hey, no cuts!
You're not the boss of me.
You like that stool?
Yep.
Drink pretty good there?
Yep.
Tell you what, kiddo...
Here you go, scoot, go on.
Wish someone
would've done that for me
when I was seven years old.
Mommies, daddies,
boys and girls...
half a bar full of people
I've never seen before...
I'd like you to gather
around here at the steps
for a special sing-along
with Nanny G.
She saw me!
She saw me in the theatre
from a hundred miles away.
She's magic. Nanny G is magic!
Get a life.
Well, my, my, my, oh, my.
Well, I was going
to start by singing
"The Doodle Bug Song."
Thank you. Thank you.
But instead,
I want to begin by singing
a very special song
for a very wonderful boy.
♪ The first time ♪
♪ Ever I saw your face ♪
♪ I thought the sun
rose in your eyes ♪
♪ And the moon... ♪
Why is she looking
directly at you?
She isn't looking at me.
She's looking in the general
direction of our loving family.
I think she's singing
the song to you, Frasier.
Oh, you're being paranoid.
She's singing a lovely
song to a two-year-old child.
♪ The first time ♪
♪ Ever I lay with you... ♪
All right! That's it!
Stop the music!
Leave my man alone!
I'm sorry, I can't help it.
Frasier, I've never
stopped loving you.
Well, maybe this'll help!
Girl fight! Girl fight!
You know, I'm going to
suffer for this tomorrow,
but today, right now,
this exact moment,
I'm the happiest man on Earth.
Girls!
Well, Lilith, the
bleeding's finally stopped.
Those head wounds.
Serves you right for trying
to get between us.
Darling, I, I had to
stop the two of you.
Although I must say I was
proud to see you fight for me.
It made me feel so loved.
Of course, Nanette
was pretty vicious, too.
Oh, but you were by
far the most vicious.
Thank you.
Lilith, I...
I should have told you
about my first
marriage before, but...
I just didn't think it was
relevant to our lives today.
Frasier, I know why
you didn't tell me.
You didn't tell me because
you're a craven coward.
You know me so
well, it's frightening.
Can you ever forgive me?
I suppose I'll have to.
You know, if I must say so,
you hug better than she does.
Frasier, you're such a toady.
Yes, but I'm your toady.
Dr. Crane, I didn't
want to interrupt you
while you were bleeding,
but, uh, I found this box
underneath one of
the tables over there
when I was sweeping
up Nanny G's hair.
"To Frederick from Nanny G."
Oh, look!
It's a little Nanny G doll.
Oh, it says "push here."
♪ Here's a silly little song ♪
♪ To help you out
when things go wrong ♪
Isn't that cute?
♪ If you get lost
and can't find home ♪
♪ Just remember the
number of your phone ♪
♪ My number is 555-6792 ♪
♪ 555-6792... 555-6792 ♪
♪ That's 555... ♪ Frasier,
this is her phone number.
She's giving you
her phone number.
No, she's not.
She doesn't want
you to forget it.
She's just using
it as an example.
♪ 555... ♪
Oh, Lilith, no, don't do...
There, gone and forgotten.
NORM, CLIFF &
WOODY: ♪ 555-6792 ♪
♪ 555-6... ♪
Whoa!
Whoa! Hey!