Charmed (1998–2006): Season 6, Episode 18 - Spin City - full transcript
Spider Demons kidnap Piper, infect Chris and cause him to mutate into a spider.
Dennis, what are you doing here?
I work here, remember?
No, I know. I mean,
what are you doing here so early?
Piper called.
Wanted me to set up for the band.
Piper called?
From where, the doctor's?
I don't know. Maybe.
Is something wrong? Is she okay?
Yeah, it's just a regular check-up
for the baby. I'm sure everything's fine.
-Mind if I ask you a question?
-Sure.
You know Piper pretty well, don't you?
I mean, you guys seem close.
Yeah, real close.
What's the deal
with the ex of hers, Leo?
You know, I mean,
dude gets her pregnant, right?
Then, what, just skips town on her?
I mean, what's up with that?
It's a long story.
As far as I'm concerned,
she deserves a hell of a lot better.
Couldn't agree with you more.
Are you hormonal
or just plain crazy?
One woman can only take so much.
Okay. If these people
walk out of their offices,
what do you think
they're gonna see?
Well, I think they won't be touching my
stomach anymore, that's want I think.
Piper, that is not a good enough
reason to freeze people.
I think it is.
It's okay, it's okay. We all just get
a little vertigo sometimes.
No wonder Chris grows up
to be such a neurotic little freak.
-So you excited?
-About what?
About what the doctor said.
That it's gonna be a healthy baby.
Well, I know he's healthy.
I've seen him 22 and walking around.
Well, you never know.
Something could happen.
Don't be such a worrywart.
Now you're starting to sound like...
[CHIMES SOUNDING]
-Hey.
-...Chris.
If this is about demons, I don't wanna
hear, because I'm on my lunch break.
No, no, no. I was just wondering
how it went with the doctor.
Well, you'll be happy to know
that you're a boy.
-That's not what I meant.
-I don't see it.
-Oh, see. It's this little thing right here.
-Excuse me.
Do you mind?
[SIGHS]
PIPER: Why are you
so edgy anyway? Relax.
Well, it's not me in there
I was thinking about, it's you.
I'm just making sure you're okay.
This is where he asks for money
to go to the movies.
CHRIS: Very funny.
Actually, in the future,
you're the one I go to for money.
PAIGE: Oh, why? Am I rich?
CHRIS: I can't tell you that.
What about me? I'm your mother.
Why don't you come to me for money?
I don't want to bother you.
You have too much to deal with.
What about your dad?
Leo's not much of a factor.
-What does that mean?
-I'd rather not talk about it.
PIPER: Future consequences?
-More like future issues.
Ooh. Father-son problems.
I have an idea.
Let's change the subject.
To what?
CHRIS:
Demons.
Extinguisher.
PAIGE:
You guys okay?
I don't know, am I?
Am I?
I don't know.
So I'm okay, right?
I mean, mini-me in there?
Well, if he wasn't, I think you'd be
the first to know. Now, sit still.
Then why were you
so worried back there?
I wasn't worried.
All right, I was a little worried
about the force field.
-What force field?
-The one she had
when she was pregnant with Wyatt.
Wait. You had a force field with Wyatt
but not with me?
Well, I didn't have one, he had one.
It was all his doing.
From the womb?
He had powers from the womb?
Unbelievable. It's not like I don't have
an inferiority complex with him already.
-Thank you.
-Did you find that demon yet?
Yes, actually I did.
It's the Spider Demon.
"An evil creature that emerges from
its hidden lair every hundred years
to capture and feed off the most
powerful magical being it can detect."
-In this case, that would be you.
-And me.
-Sort of.
-You must be so proud.
It's kind of creepy how she knew
to lay a trap for you.
Obviously, she didn't
count on us being there.
Well, at least there's
a vanquishing potion here.
Let's make this eight-legged freak
wish she'd never been hatched.
Whoa, hold it. You are not going
anywhere, Mom. This is way too risky.
He's actually right.
Without the Wyatt force-field thing...
Okay, do you have to keep
rubbing that in?
Aren't there any therapists
in the future?
We need Phoebe.
No, I don't want to interrupt
her date with Mark.
Actually, it's Mike this week.
No, it's Mitch. But who cares?
We need her.
Ever since she had that vision thing
in Magic School, you know,
the one about a demon-free life
and her being with child,
she's been on
that whole future thing.
And she wishes to accomplish that
by speed dating?
PAIGE:
I don't know.
So does the Book say anything
about that spider being poisonous?
Miss me?
I was hoping that you would
let me die in peace.
I'm sorry. I was raised to never
leave any food on my plate.
Please. Have mercy.
Oh, don't worry.
There's not much of you
left to dine on anyway.
My misery will soon be over,
but I suspect yours is just beginning.
-Oh, how so?
-You've come back empty-handed.
-You will starve.
-Hardly.
I've already found my next meal.
A powerful witch. A Charmed One.
A Charmed One?
I have heard of their coming.
Really? Must be more powerful
than I thought.
Hope my eyes aren't too big
for my stomach.
You will never trap one.
But I already have.
I have infected her whitelighter.
Soon he'll be my ally.
As for you, my little wizard,
it's been a pleasure.
[MOANING]
Gentle, please.
Oh, quit your complaining.
I'm almost done.
Paige, could you call the club
and tell them I'm gonna be a little late?
I thought we already discussed this.
You're not going without a force field.
Why, because it's so much
safer here? I have to go to work.
-I booked a band tonight.
-Let Paige cover for you.
No, I can't. I have to get back
to my temp job. I'm already late.
Blow it off. This is more important.
My temp jobs are important. That's how
people who need help find me.
Okay, I get that, I do. But right now
your sister needs your help, okay?
-Why don't we just call Leo?
-No. No.
Why not? He can help us.
Besides, Piper's in danger,
which means the baby's in danger,
which means you are in danger.
-Because we don't need him.
PIPER: Yeah, he's right.
I don't wanna open up
that can of worms.
He doesn't even know
you're pregnant.
This is my point exactly.
Look, I'm not suggesting
some sort of reunion...
He has been gone for six months.
If he's not there for us in the future,
why is he there for us now?
PAIGE:
Hey, you okay?
Yeah, I just need
to sit down for a minute.
Okay, well, I'll go deal with the club.
You work on the vanquishing potion
and call Phoebe and I when it's done.
I'll clean up.
Hi, I'm supposed
to be meeting someone.
-Right over there.
-Thanks.
So sorry. Sorry.
-Sorry.
-It's okay.
Thanks. Last time I ride BART
for a while.
The train, not the guy.
Right. Right.
Well, you look...
You look amazing, Phoebe.
Oh, that's really sweet,
Mike, thanks.
-Mitch.
-Mitch.
Mitch, right. Of course.
I'm sorry. I knew that, you know,
it's just I think I'm a little nervous.
You nervous? That's hard to believe.
Yeah, well, we both have a lot
at stake here, don't you think?
Yeah. Yeah, I guess we do.
We don't wanna waste any time.
I think we're both over the serial-dating
thing, the loveless-sex thing.
-We are?
-Don't you just want a family?
Kids?
I... I don't know.
I hadn't really thought about it,
to be honest.
Yeah, nothing. All right, so it was
great seeing you. You take care.
But, Phoebe, I...
Chris, hey.
Oh, my God, you're sweating.
What happened to your neck?
Piper was attacked by a demon.
We need you back at the house
to help with the vanquishing potion.
Okay.
Take care, Mark.
Mitch.
Chris, you coming or what?
Yeah.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
-Hello.
MAN: You didn't show up today.
Hi, yeah. I meant to call,
I really did.
I just got a little hung up at...
At work.
What do you mean? Don't you care
about these temp jobs?
No... Yes, of course.
-The temp jobs are important to me.
MAN 2: Excuse me, Miss Matthews?
Hate to bother you, love, but...
Now is not a good time, okay?
You're telling me.
[WHISPERS]
I'm supposed to be a leprechaun.
The bar's not open yet.
Why don't you try down the street.
MAN:
You don't understand.
The Wicked Witch of the Enchanted
Forest put a dastardly curse on me.
I know you helped Shamus.
Let me call you back.
You knew Shamus?
He was me brother.
Course, all leprechauns are,
but the point is we were close.
Give me a second.
Jeremy, could you
check on the beer in the back?
No worries. Okay.
Okay. How did you find me?
I didn't, for sure. I was told
to find you at your temp jobs,
but you don't seem
to be there anymore.
Tell me about it.
And I didn't want
to bother you at home.
Thank you, I appreciate that. Okay.
What did this wicked witch
do to you?
Uh, isn't it obvious?
She made me...
...tall!
Oh, that's a problem?
[SIGHS]
It's just not who I am, love.
And more importantly, it's taken away
my power to dole out luck too.
Is there any way you could
turn me back? Please.
Okay, uh...
I'm sure I can improvise something.
Uh...
You who found me in this bar
Turn back to who you really are
[LAUGHING]
God bless you, Paige.
The name is Riley,
and I'm forever in your debt.
Great. You're welcome,
but if you don't mind,
-you probably should get out of here.
-Ah...
Not before I leave you
with a token of my appreciation.
Thank you.
Hope you get that wicked witch.
I'll try.
Okay, let's do this.
I have a future to get back to.
-Who doesn't? Did you bless this?
-Yes, I blessed it, I sang to it.
What's the matter with you?
You okay?
Yeah. I think I'm just coming down
with something.
What do you mean,
from the attack?
Now who's the worrywart?
We still need Paige to bless this.
Did you call her?
Yeah, she's on her way.
She was helping me out at the club.
Who's watching Wyatt?
PIPER: Sheila. He should be
safe there till after this is over.
PHOEBE: Okay, well,
we gotta get a move on here,
because I need to find
my husband, like, yesterday.
Seriously.
What? I did the math. It's gonna
take me like a year to fall in love,
and then there's the whole
engagement and the wedding.
Then a year of wedded bliss.
Then I have to wait a year to find out
if I really wanna have his kid.
And then the pregnancy's
like nine months.
Well, ten months.
They just tell you it's nine months.
So clearly, let's move on here.
-I'm sorry, what's so funny?
-This whole family needs a shrink.
What...?
PAIGE: Hey.
-Hey.
-Where'd you get that?
-Don't ask.
CHRIS: Uh, you need to bless
this vanquishing potion.
Oh, hello to you too.
Hey, the Book says
for all three of you to bless it.
Phoebe will help you.
Piper, can I talk to you, please?
"Piper"? What happened to "Mom"?
PAIGE:
How exactly do I bless this thing?
PIPER:
With your blood. Come on.
This will just hurt a little.
What is it?
What's the matter?
-Chris, your eyes are dilated.
-Are they?
[GASPING]
[GASPING]
Okay, we got it,
and she didn't even faint.
What are you doing?
Get it!
Get it.
Wha...?
Piper.
Oh, no.
Well, there's a force field that works.
All right, I locked Chris
in the basement.
What are you doing on the floor?
[PAIGE GROANS]
Well, I'm not having a lot of luck,
that's why I'm on the floor.
I've tried orbs, knives, spells.
Nada.
-God, I hope Piper's okay in there.
-Don't.
So do you think we should
ask Chris for help?
Yeah, let's get the mutant who put
her in there in the first place to help.
Missy, that is our nephew.
He needs help too.
Okay, fine. How should we help?
Uh, how about Leo?
Are you kidding? Piper would kill us.
Well, then she can kill us
after she's saved.
Paige, Piper doesn't want Leo
to know that Chris is his son, okay?
So I don't think I could
keep that secret.
Try. Leo!
Phoebe, Paige. How are you?
Well, not so good.
We have a problem.
Perhaps we should meditate.
No, I don't wanna meditate.
Piper, right there.
[SIGHS]
The Spider Demon.
She cocoons her victims
before feeding on them.
Great, well, can you get her
out of there?
Well, the only way to get her out of
there is to vanquish the Spider Demon.
But it's okay. The cocoon is meant
for preservation, so she's safe for now.
Good, that means Chris is too.
Chris. He's... He's in there too?
No, he's not in there, Leo.
He's in the basement.
Yeah, he was acting a little crazy
so I locked him in the basement.
Yeah, after the Spider Demon
infected him.
Kind of went a little crazy,
went after her.
I'll talk to him.
I... Be careful.
Good thinking, yeah.
I'm telling you,
he has a right to know.
No, he doesn't.
LEO:
Chris?
Chris?
Chris, I'd like to talk to you.
It's Leo.
Chris?
Bastard!
-What happened?
-He attacked me.
PAIGE: I tried to warn you.
-He's got issues.
-Issues?
-Yeah, from being infected.
No, I think his issues precede that,
don't you, Paige?
Something you're not telling me?
-Actually...
-No.
Look, he's gonna find out
sooner or later, and I'm gonna bust.
-Find out what?
-If he's gonna help us,
-we're gonna have to tell him.
-It's Piper's business.
Tell me what?
Chris is your son.
Don't we all feel better?
I know I feel so much better.
How?
Spirit realm, six months ago,
you and Piper...
Leo, she's pregnant.
Why didn't she tell me?
Honestly, I think she knows how hard
it was for you to leave one son behind.
She didn't want to make it
any harder.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
Great. Excuse me.
Why is he so mad at me?
I don't know, sweetie.
He's real tight-lipped
about the future.
It's a lot for you, huh?
[SCOFFS]
Well, you gotta try to pull it together
because we need you.
Your family needs you.
Right.
-You're right.
-That's the spirit.
Well, if I remember correctly,
the Spider Demon's last victim
was a wizard.
So maybe I should go to Magic School
and see if there's something
-I could use to scry for him.
-Okay, and what about Chris?
Check the Book of Shadows.
I think there's an antidote.
Okay.
Welcome home.
Hey, will you watch Piper?
I have to go back to the club.
Right now?
Yeah, the wicked witch
has struck again.
SPIDER DEMON:
Chris?
[CHRIS GRUNTING]
Chris.
Come to me, Chris.
That's right.
Over here.
Come closer.
You are learning quickly.
-What did you do to me?
-I think you know.
Now bring me the cocoon.
No.
[GRUNTING]
You can't resist it,
what's happening to you.
Don't fight it.
Embrace your new powers.
-Use them.
-I don't understand.
You will, my sweet.
All in good time.
All in good time.
-Who did this, the wicked witch?
-No, actually, that was me.
You? Why?
I couldn't let him open the club,
let those people in here.
Not until you turn me back
into a wood nymph.
Okay, well, who's to say
there's not more coming after you?
I cannot keep the club closed all night.
Piper will kill me.
Cry me a river, sister.
We have lives too, you know.
Without me,
nature falls out of harmony.
Flowers wilt, trees wither,
streams dry up. It ain't pretty.
-And this guy.
-Hi.
He's an ogre.
A giant, terrifying ogre. Tell me, does
he look imposing to you in the least?
No, not... Not so much.
-And me, I'm supposed to be a fairy.
-You see the problem.
NYMPH: The witch's curse
is spreading like wildfire.
Pretty soon there won't be
any magic folk left.
No offense, but you don't sound like
any of the wood nymphs I've ever met.
Oh, it's the curse, I'm telling you.
The curse.
All right, all right.
Paper and pen? What, are you
gonna write the witch a letter?
Hey. I don't tell you how
to save the forest. No, I don't.
Tell me everything you know
about the wicked witch
so we can get rid of her
once and for all.
[WITCH CACKLING]
Uh-oh.
Ding dong.
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you.
We owe you, Paige.
Yeah. Great. Now, why don't
you guys get out of here
because I know a witch who's gonna
really put a curse on me unless...
What about this one, sir?
The wizard Rathmere.
He created over 500 spells
and potions
before mysteriously
disappearing in 1904.
LEO: Sounds like the right year.
Any chance you have this wand here?
It should be in the collection.
Would you excuse us, please,
Sigmund?
Of course.
Not now.
Leo, this is a serious matter...
...and one that we have been over
countless times.
You abandoned the other elders
without so much as a warning.
Yeah, well, something came up.
You can't just pop on down
whenever you feel the need arise.
You're not just putting yourself at risk,
you're putting all elders at risk too.
I'm trying to save my son.
Wyatt? Has something
happened to him?
No, not Wyatt. To Chris.
I know, I just found out myself.
I don't have time to explain.
If I don't find the demon who hurt him,
I may not figure out
-why he hates me so much.
-Hates you.
Got it. Listen, I dropped Wyatt off
in the nursery
just to be on the safe side.
I hope that's all right.
Of course.
-Chris is his son too?
GIDEON: Apparently.
Actually, come to think of it,
that does explain why he came all
the way from the future to save Wyatt.
Save him from us, you mean.
If he knew,
he wouldn't still be searching.
When the time is right,
Wyatt will be sacrificed
and the greater good
will be served.
-Do you need anything else?
-No, sweetie.
I just hope we're not too late.
I stopped off in the attic
on the way back.
I gotta tell you, Leo, whatever Chris
has against you in the future,
it can't be your
lack of determination.
LEO: Still, he might not be in this
mess if I hadn't been gone so long.
PAIGE: Well, you have
to do what you have to do.
My God, Leo. Can't you think
of anything but yourself?
PAIGE:
Phoebe.
-Yeah, that was kind of weird.
PAIGE: Yeah.
You totally bailed on us!
PAIGE: What the hell?
-Okay.
I think maybe I'm channeling
Chris' anger?
But he's in the basement.
Can you empath from so far away?
I don't know. Maybe my powers
are expanding?
Or he's closer than we think.
No!
[GRUNTING]
Chris, stop. This isn't you.
Wanna bet?
-Chris, don't.
PAIGE: He's your father.
[SCREAMS]
Bug spray. We should have used
bug spray.
Okay, I can't break free.
Can you orb?
-No, I tried.
-Damn it.
Are elders even allowed to swear?
No, but fathers are. Especially ones
whose kid tries to kill him.
-Well, technically, you can't die.
-That's not the point.
Well, it wasn't Chris, Leo,
it was a demon.
No, some of it was Chris.
I saw it in his eyes.
I think he's right.
I think that's why he can still orb.
He can be saved.
Yeah, well, can we?
Maybe with a little luck.
Shillelagh.
RILEY: Somebody called?
PAIGE: Hey.
Over here.
[LAUGHING]
Now, there's something
you don't see every day.
Yeah, thanks a lot. Can you just get us
down from here, please?
I can try, but, as you know,
luck can go either way. Good or bad.
-You take your chances.
-Yeah, well, we'll take our chances.
Very well.
[CHANTING]
[GRUNTING]
I tried to warn you, love.
I knew you wouldn't disappoint me.
Thanks to you
for showing me how.
-Now what?
-You've been ever so helpful.
But if you don't mind,
I prefer to dine alone.
[CHRIS GASPING]
So divine.
What's happening?
I gather you weren't
counting on this.
It's not just her magic
I'm feeding on.
It's her baby's too.
Yours.
I don't understand why it's not working.
Maybe I have the wrong wizard.
Or maybe because
there's nothing to find.
Leo, you gotta stop beating yourself up
over this, okay? It's not your fault.
I just... I don't understand
why he hates me so much.
Yeah, but, Leo, it's in the future.
It hasn't happened yet,
so you can change it.
If Chris lives long enough
to tell me what to change.
Wait. Why am I scrying
for the wizard?
The demon has Piper.
I should be scrying for her.
Here, use her keys.
-Got her.
-Okay, I'll take the antidote,
you take the vanquishing potion.
Paige!
-Piper didn't bless it.
-It's all we've got.
We need the power of three.
How will we make up for Piper?
Well, how about with a little help
from our friends?
-Nice catch.
-Thank you.
-So, wait, we can't get in?
-No, it's impenetrable.
PHOEBE: Great plan.
-Well, maybe we can draw her out.
LEO:
How's that?
I could just knock.
PAIGE:
Good thinking.
[POUNDING ON DOOR]
Damn it.
Can't a demon eat in peace?
You're pissing me off, you know?
PAIGE:
Yeah, that's the idea.
You think you can take me?
-Without your sister?
-We're just gonna have to see.
Now!
[FAIRY GIBBERING]
Step on her.
That's gross.
Sorry.
Give me the antidote.
No.
This is my responsibility.
Piper, are you okay?
PIPER:
I think so.
What...? What are you doing here?
Uh, it's a long story.
What's that?
Our little boy.
You gotta get out of here.
Well, hey. Welcome back.
Where's Leo?
[WEB SPINNING]
Chris, come on. Can we just
talk about this a minute?
A minute?
We have the next hundred years.
-I can't get through that thing.
-You want me to try knocking again?
-I don't think that'll work this time.
-It's okay, we'll take it from here.
-Are you sure?
-Yeah, we're positive.
But thanks for everything.
-I told you guys not to bring Leo here.
-I think he just saved your life.
Yeah, at his expense
and maybe Chris' too.
Well, at least we'll have plenty of time
to get to know each other. Dad.
LEO: You see, that's what
I'm talking about.
That's not the demon talking,
that's you talking, Chris.
It's not too late,
you just have to fight it.
Why fight when I've already won?
Tell me why you hate me
so much, Chris.
Huh?
What did I do to become
such a bad dad?
-It doesn't matter anymore.
-No?
The hell it doesn't.
Deep down, you hate my guts.
Admit it. Come on, admit it.
What? Are you afraid?
-I'm not afraid of you.
-No?
Then why don't you tell me
what I did to you, huh?
What, did I miss a school play?
Did I take away your favourite toy?
Did I play favorites with Wyatt?
[SCREAMING]
Chris, don't.
You don't know me.
-Paige, you should take the antidote.
-No, no. I'm fine.
It didn't even break my skin.
Just hurts.
-Yeah, but still...
-No, we need to save it for Chris.
-Paige.
-Ow!
-What's the matter?
-Kidney shot.
Maybe he's trying
to tell you something.
Maybe he is.
-Give me that.
-What? Why?
-So I can take it.
-What?
You've been saying whatever happens
to little Chris happens to big Chris.
-That's what you've been worried about.
-So?
So if I take this, the baby's inoculated
and Chris is just fine, right?
-Do you follow that?
-Not a word.
Just give it to me.
You don't know me.
You don't know me.
You don't know me!
Chris! No!
Chris! Chris, look at me.
Chris! Chris, look at me.
It's okay. It's over.
You gotta eat all your vegetables
and brush your teeth every day.
And don't forget to play a lot.
SIGMUND: Are these the last of them?
-Yeah, thank you.
You're suffocating the boy.
It's just, you know...
Overcompensating?
No, I... I just...
...miss him a lot.
I know.
So you think you're gonna be
all right here?
I mean, at least until after
the baby's born?
Yeah, I think so.
And Gideon's right.
This is the safest place for me,
and that's the most
important thing, right?
-I think so.
-Besides, I'm only an orb away
if the girls need me.
No, I told them to call me first.
You? You're not
going back up there?
No.
My family needs me here right now.
Yes, we do.
You know, Leo,
you can get through to him.
You just can't give up.
He's just as stubborn as you are.
Okay, can you wave goodbye?
Okay, let's go.
Come on. Let's go.
Take good care of them,
Gideon, will you?
Absolutely.
[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]
[SINGING]
Hi. Place is hopping, huh?
Yeah. Not a bad guy over there.
Is that Nick?
No, actually, that's Ron.
What, we skipped some letters
in the alphabet?
-Qs are hard to find.
-I hear you.
-Well, at least he's handsome.
-He's cute, right?
Okay. Have fun. Bye.
Hi.
PAIGE:
Okay. Drinks on the house.
OGRE:
All right.
God bless you, love.
-Cheers.
-Cheers.
Can we talk?
There is nothing to talk about.
I think there is.
Quite a bit, actually.
It doesn't matter.
It does to me, Chris.
You're my son.
I think I deserve to know what I did
that's so bad.
You were never there for me.
You were there for everybody else.
For Mom...
...Wyatt, half the world.
But you were never there for me.
You didn't have the time.
So...
...maybe you came back
from the future not just to save Wyatt.
Maybe you came back
to save us too.
I doubt it.
[SIGHS]
I work here, remember?
No, I know. I mean,
what are you doing here so early?
Piper called.
Wanted me to set up for the band.
Piper called?
From where, the doctor's?
I don't know. Maybe.
Is something wrong? Is she okay?
Yeah, it's just a regular check-up
for the baby. I'm sure everything's fine.
-Mind if I ask you a question?
-Sure.
You know Piper pretty well, don't you?
I mean, you guys seem close.
Yeah, real close.
What's the deal
with the ex of hers, Leo?
You know, I mean,
dude gets her pregnant, right?
Then, what, just skips town on her?
I mean, what's up with that?
It's a long story.
As far as I'm concerned,
she deserves a hell of a lot better.
Couldn't agree with you more.
Are you hormonal
or just plain crazy?
One woman can only take so much.
Okay. If these people
walk out of their offices,
what do you think
they're gonna see?
Well, I think they won't be touching my
stomach anymore, that's want I think.
Piper, that is not a good enough
reason to freeze people.
I think it is.
It's okay, it's okay. We all just get
a little vertigo sometimes.
No wonder Chris grows up
to be such a neurotic little freak.
-So you excited?
-About what?
About what the doctor said.
That it's gonna be a healthy baby.
Well, I know he's healthy.
I've seen him 22 and walking around.
Well, you never know.
Something could happen.
Don't be such a worrywart.
Now you're starting to sound like...
[CHIMES SOUNDING]
-Hey.
-...Chris.
If this is about demons, I don't wanna
hear, because I'm on my lunch break.
No, no, no. I was just wondering
how it went with the doctor.
Well, you'll be happy to know
that you're a boy.
-That's not what I meant.
-I don't see it.
-Oh, see. It's this little thing right here.
-Excuse me.
Do you mind?
[SIGHS]
PIPER: Why are you
so edgy anyway? Relax.
Well, it's not me in there
I was thinking about, it's you.
I'm just making sure you're okay.
This is where he asks for money
to go to the movies.
CHRIS: Very funny.
Actually, in the future,
you're the one I go to for money.
PAIGE: Oh, why? Am I rich?
CHRIS: I can't tell you that.
What about me? I'm your mother.
Why don't you come to me for money?
I don't want to bother you.
You have too much to deal with.
What about your dad?
Leo's not much of a factor.
-What does that mean?
-I'd rather not talk about it.
PIPER: Future consequences?
-More like future issues.
Ooh. Father-son problems.
I have an idea.
Let's change the subject.
To what?
CHRIS:
Demons.
Extinguisher.
PAIGE:
You guys okay?
I don't know, am I?
Am I?
I don't know.
So I'm okay, right?
I mean, mini-me in there?
Well, if he wasn't, I think you'd be
the first to know. Now, sit still.
Then why were you
so worried back there?
I wasn't worried.
All right, I was a little worried
about the force field.
-What force field?
-The one she had
when she was pregnant with Wyatt.
Wait. You had a force field with Wyatt
but not with me?
Well, I didn't have one, he had one.
It was all his doing.
From the womb?
He had powers from the womb?
Unbelievable. It's not like I don't have
an inferiority complex with him already.
-Thank you.
-Did you find that demon yet?
Yes, actually I did.
It's the Spider Demon.
"An evil creature that emerges from
its hidden lair every hundred years
to capture and feed off the most
powerful magical being it can detect."
-In this case, that would be you.
-And me.
-Sort of.
-You must be so proud.
It's kind of creepy how she knew
to lay a trap for you.
Obviously, she didn't
count on us being there.
Well, at least there's
a vanquishing potion here.
Let's make this eight-legged freak
wish she'd never been hatched.
Whoa, hold it. You are not going
anywhere, Mom. This is way too risky.
He's actually right.
Without the Wyatt force-field thing...
Okay, do you have to keep
rubbing that in?
Aren't there any therapists
in the future?
We need Phoebe.
No, I don't want to interrupt
her date with Mark.
Actually, it's Mike this week.
No, it's Mitch. But who cares?
We need her.
Ever since she had that vision thing
in Magic School, you know,
the one about a demon-free life
and her being with child,
she's been on
that whole future thing.
And she wishes to accomplish that
by speed dating?
PAIGE:
I don't know.
So does the Book say anything
about that spider being poisonous?
Miss me?
I was hoping that you would
let me die in peace.
I'm sorry. I was raised to never
leave any food on my plate.
Please. Have mercy.
Oh, don't worry.
There's not much of you
left to dine on anyway.
My misery will soon be over,
but I suspect yours is just beginning.
-Oh, how so?
-You've come back empty-handed.
-You will starve.
-Hardly.
I've already found my next meal.
A powerful witch. A Charmed One.
A Charmed One?
I have heard of their coming.
Really? Must be more powerful
than I thought.
Hope my eyes aren't too big
for my stomach.
You will never trap one.
But I already have.
I have infected her whitelighter.
Soon he'll be my ally.
As for you, my little wizard,
it's been a pleasure.
[MOANING]
Gentle, please.
Oh, quit your complaining.
I'm almost done.
Paige, could you call the club
and tell them I'm gonna be a little late?
I thought we already discussed this.
You're not going without a force field.
Why, because it's so much
safer here? I have to go to work.
-I booked a band tonight.
-Let Paige cover for you.
No, I can't. I have to get back
to my temp job. I'm already late.
Blow it off. This is more important.
My temp jobs are important. That's how
people who need help find me.
Okay, I get that, I do. But right now
your sister needs your help, okay?
-Why don't we just call Leo?
-No. No.
Why not? He can help us.
Besides, Piper's in danger,
which means the baby's in danger,
which means you are in danger.
-Because we don't need him.
PIPER: Yeah, he's right.
I don't wanna open up
that can of worms.
He doesn't even know
you're pregnant.
This is my point exactly.
Look, I'm not suggesting
some sort of reunion...
He has been gone for six months.
If he's not there for us in the future,
why is he there for us now?
PAIGE:
Hey, you okay?
Yeah, I just need
to sit down for a minute.
Okay, well, I'll go deal with the club.
You work on the vanquishing potion
and call Phoebe and I when it's done.
I'll clean up.
Hi, I'm supposed
to be meeting someone.
-Right over there.
-Thanks.
So sorry. Sorry.
-Sorry.
-It's okay.
Thanks. Last time I ride BART
for a while.
The train, not the guy.
Right. Right.
Well, you look...
You look amazing, Phoebe.
Oh, that's really sweet,
Mike, thanks.
-Mitch.
-Mitch.
Mitch, right. Of course.
I'm sorry. I knew that, you know,
it's just I think I'm a little nervous.
You nervous? That's hard to believe.
Yeah, well, we both have a lot
at stake here, don't you think?
Yeah. Yeah, I guess we do.
We don't wanna waste any time.
I think we're both over the serial-dating
thing, the loveless-sex thing.
-We are?
-Don't you just want a family?
Kids?
I... I don't know.
I hadn't really thought about it,
to be honest.
Yeah, nothing. All right, so it was
great seeing you. You take care.
But, Phoebe, I...
Chris, hey.
Oh, my God, you're sweating.
What happened to your neck?
Piper was attacked by a demon.
We need you back at the house
to help with the vanquishing potion.
Okay.
Take care, Mark.
Mitch.
Chris, you coming or what?
Yeah.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
-Hello.
MAN: You didn't show up today.
Hi, yeah. I meant to call,
I really did.
I just got a little hung up at...
At work.
What do you mean? Don't you care
about these temp jobs?
No... Yes, of course.
-The temp jobs are important to me.
MAN 2: Excuse me, Miss Matthews?
Hate to bother you, love, but...
Now is not a good time, okay?
You're telling me.
[WHISPERS]
I'm supposed to be a leprechaun.
The bar's not open yet.
Why don't you try down the street.
MAN:
You don't understand.
The Wicked Witch of the Enchanted
Forest put a dastardly curse on me.
I know you helped Shamus.
Let me call you back.
You knew Shamus?
He was me brother.
Course, all leprechauns are,
but the point is we were close.
Give me a second.
Jeremy, could you
check on the beer in the back?
No worries. Okay.
Okay. How did you find me?
I didn't, for sure. I was told
to find you at your temp jobs,
but you don't seem
to be there anymore.
Tell me about it.
And I didn't want
to bother you at home.
Thank you, I appreciate that. Okay.
What did this wicked witch
do to you?
Uh, isn't it obvious?
She made me...
...tall!
Oh, that's a problem?
[SIGHS]
It's just not who I am, love.
And more importantly, it's taken away
my power to dole out luck too.
Is there any way you could
turn me back? Please.
Okay, uh...
I'm sure I can improvise something.
Uh...
You who found me in this bar
Turn back to who you really are
[LAUGHING]
God bless you, Paige.
The name is Riley,
and I'm forever in your debt.
Great. You're welcome,
but if you don't mind,
-you probably should get out of here.
-Ah...
Not before I leave you
with a token of my appreciation.
Thank you.
Hope you get that wicked witch.
I'll try.
Okay, let's do this.
I have a future to get back to.
-Who doesn't? Did you bless this?
-Yes, I blessed it, I sang to it.
What's the matter with you?
You okay?
Yeah. I think I'm just coming down
with something.
What do you mean,
from the attack?
Now who's the worrywart?
We still need Paige to bless this.
Did you call her?
Yeah, she's on her way.
She was helping me out at the club.
Who's watching Wyatt?
PIPER: Sheila. He should be
safe there till after this is over.
PHOEBE: Okay, well,
we gotta get a move on here,
because I need to find
my husband, like, yesterday.
Seriously.
What? I did the math. It's gonna
take me like a year to fall in love,
and then there's the whole
engagement and the wedding.
Then a year of wedded bliss.
Then I have to wait a year to find out
if I really wanna have his kid.
And then the pregnancy's
like nine months.
Well, ten months.
They just tell you it's nine months.
So clearly, let's move on here.
-I'm sorry, what's so funny?
-This whole family needs a shrink.
What...?
PAIGE: Hey.
-Hey.
-Where'd you get that?
-Don't ask.
CHRIS: Uh, you need to bless
this vanquishing potion.
Oh, hello to you too.
Hey, the Book says
for all three of you to bless it.
Phoebe will help you.
Piper, can I talk to you, please?
"Piper"? What happened to "Mom"?
PAIGE:
How exactly do I bless this thing?
PIPER:
With your blood. Come on.
This will just hurt a little.
What is it?
What's the matter?
-Chris, your eyes are dilated.
-Are they?
[GASPING]
[GASPING]
Okay, we got it,
and she didn't even faint.
What are you doing?
Get it!
Get it.
Wha...?
Piper.
Oh, no.
Well, there's a force field that works.
All right, I locked Chris
in the basement.
What are you doing on the floor?
[PAIGE GROANS]
Well, I'm not having a lot of luck,
that's why I'm on the floor.
I've tried orbs, knives, spells.
Nada.
-God, I hope Piper's okay in there.
-Don't.
So do you think we should
ask Chris for help?
Yeah, let's get the mutant who put
her in there in the first place to help.
Missy, that is our nephew.
He needs help too.
Okay, fine. How should we help?
Uh, how about Leo?
Are you kidding? Piper would kill us.
Well, then she can kill us
after she's saved.
Paige, Piper doesn't want Leo
to know that Chris is his son, okay?
So I don't think I could
keep that secret.
Try. Leo!
Phoebe, Paige. How are you?
Well, not so good.
We have a problem.
Perhaps we should meditate.
No, I don't wanna meditate.
Piper, right there.
[SIGHS]
The Spider Demon.
She cocoons her victims
before feeding on them.
Great, well, can you get her
out of there?
Well, the only way to get her out of
there is to vanquish the Spider Demon.
But it's okay. The cocoon is meant
for preservation, so she's safe for now.
Good, that means Chris is too.
Chris. He's... He's in there too?
No, he's not in there, Leo.
He's in the basement.
Yeah, he was acting a little crazy
so I locked him in the basement.
Yeah, after the Spider Demon
infected him.
Kind of went a little crazy,
went after her.
I'll talk to him.
I... Be careful.
Good thinking, yeah.
I'm telling you,
he has a right to know.
No, he doesn't.
LEO:
Chris?
Chris?
Chris, I'd like to talk to you.
It's Leo.
Chris?
Bastard!
-What happened?
-He attacked me.
PAIGE: I tried to warn you.
-He's got issues.
-Issues?
-Yeah, from being infected.
No, I think his issues precede that,
don't you, Paige?
Something you're not telling me?
-Actually...
-No.
Look, he's gonna find out
sooner or later, and I'm gonna bust.
-Find out what?
-If he's gonna help us,
-we're gonna have to tell him.
-It's Piper's business.
Tell me what?
Chris is your son.
Don't we all feel better?
I know I feel so much better.
How?
Spirit realm, six months ago,
you and Piper...
Leo, she's pregnant.
Why didn't she tell me?
Honestly, I think she knows how hard
it was for you to leave one son behind.
She didn't want to make it
any harder.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
Great. Excuse me.
Why is he so mad at me?
I don't know, sweetie.
He's real tight-lipped
about the future.
It's a lot for you, huh?
[SCOFFS]
Well, you gotta try to pull it together
because we need you.
Your family needs you.
Right.
-You're right.
-That's the spirit.
Well, if I remember correctly,
the Spider Demon's last victim
was a wizard.
So maybe I should go to Magic School
and see if there's something
-I could use to scry for him.
-Okay, and what about Chris?
Check the Book of Shadows.
I think there's an antidote.
Okay.
Welcome home.
Hey, will you watch Piper?
I have to go back to the club.
Right now?
Yeah, the wicked witch
has struck again.
SPIDER DEMON:
Chris?
[CHRIS GRUNTING]
Chris.
Come to me, Chris.
That's right.
Over here.
Come closer.
You are learning quickly.
-What did you do to me?
-I think you know.
Now bring me the cocoon.
No.
[GRUNTING]
You can't resist it,
what's happening to you.
Don't fight it.
Embrace your new powers.
-Use them.
-I don't understand.
You will, my sweet.
All in good time.
All in good time.
-Who did this, the wicked witch?
-No, actually, that was me.
You? Why?
I couldn't let him open the club,
let those people in here.
Not until you turn me back
into a wood nymph.
Okay, well, who's to say
there's not more coming after you?
I cannot keep the club closed all night.
Piper will kill me.
Cry me a river, sister.
We have lives too, you know.
Without me,
nature falls out of harmony.
Flowers wilt, trees wither,
streams dry up. It ain't pretty.
-And this guy.
-Hi.
He's an ogre.
A giant, terrifying ogre. Tell me, does
he look imposing to you in the least?
No, not... Not so much.
-And me, I'm supposed to be a fairy.
-You see the problem.
NYMPH: The witch's curse
is spreading like wildfire.
Pretty soon there won't be
any magic folk left.
No offense, but you don't sound like
any of the wood nymphs I've ever met.
Oh, it's the curse, I'm telling you.
The curse.
All right, all right.
Paper and pen? What, are you
gonna write the witch a letter?
Hey. I don't tell you how
to save the forest. No, I don't.
Tell me everything you know
about the wicked witch
so we can get rid of her
once and for all.
[WITCH CACKLING]
Uh-oh.
Ding dong.
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you.
We owe you, Paige.
Yeah. Great. Now, why don't
you guys get out of here
because I know a witch who's gonna
really put a curse on me unless...
What about this one, sir?
The wizard Rathmere.
He created over 500 spells
and potions
before mysteriously
disappearing in 1904.
LEO: Sounds like the right year.
Any chance you have this wand here?
It should be in the collection.
Would you excuse us, please,
Sigmund?
Of course.
Not now.
Leo, this is a serious matter...
...and one that we have been over
countless times.
You abandoned the other elders
without so much as a warning.
Yeah, well, something came up.
You can't just pop on down
whenever you feel the need arise.
You're not just putting yourself at risk,
you're putting all elders at risk too.
I'm trying to save my son.
Wyatt? Has something
happened to him?
No, not Wyatt. To Chris.
I know, I just found out myself.
I don't have time to explain.
If I don't find the demon who hurt him,
I may not figure out
-why he hates me so much.
-Hates you.
Got it. Listen, I dropped Wyatt off
in the nursery
just to be on the safe side.
I hope that's all right.
Of course.
-Chris is his son too?
GIDEON: Apparently.
Actually, come to think of it,
that does explain why he came all
the way from the future to save Wyatt.
Save him from us, you mean.
If he knew,
he wouldn't still be searching.
When the time is right,
Wyatt will be sacrificed
and the greater good
will be served.
-Do you need anything else?
-No, sweetie.
I just hope we're not too late.
I stopped off in the attic
on the way back.
I gotta tell you, Leo, whatever Chris
has against you in the future,
it can't be your
lack of determination.
LEO: Still, he might not be in this
mess if I hadn't been gone so long.
PAIGE: Well, you have
to do what you have to do.
My God, Leo. Can't you think
of anything but yourself?
PAIGE:
Phoebe.
-Yeah, that was kind of weird.
PAIGE: Yeah.
You totally bailed on us!
PAIGE: What the hell?
-Okay.
I think maybe I'm channeling
Chris' anger?
But he's in the basement.
Can you empath from so far away?
I don't know. Maybe my powers
are expanding?
Or he's closer than we think.
No!
[GRUNTING]
Chris, stop. This isn't you.
Wanna bet?
-Chris, don't.
PAIGE: He's your father.
[SCREAMS]
Bug spray. We should have used
bug spray.
Okay, I can't break free.
Can you orb?
-No, I tried.
-Damn it.
Are elders even allowed to swear?
No, but fathers are. Especially ones
whose kid tries to kill him.
-Well, technically, you can't die.
-That's not the point.
Well, it wasn't Chris, Leo,
it was a demon.
No, some of it was Chris.
I saw it in his eyes.
I think he's right.
I think that's why he can still orb.
He can be saved.
Yeah, well, can we?
Maybe with a little luck.
Shillelagh.
RILEY: Somebody called?
PAIGE: Hey.
Over here.
[LAUGHING]
Now, there's something
you don't see every day.
Yeah, thanks a lot. Can you just get us
down from here, please?
I can try, but, as you know,
luck can go either way. Good or bad.
-You take your chances.
-Yeah, well, we'll take our chances.
Very well.
[CHANTING]
[GRUNTING]
I tried to warn you, love.
I knew you wouldn't disappoint me.
Thanks to you
for showing me how.
-Now what?
-You've been ever so helpful.
But if you don't mind,
I prefer to dine alone.
[CHRIS GASPING]
So divine.
What's happening?
I gather you weren't
counting on this.
It's not just her magic
I'm feeding on.
It's her baby's too.
Yours.
I don't understand why it's not working.
Maybe I have the wrong wizard.
Or maybe because
there's nothing to find.
Leo, you gotta stop beating yourself up
over this, okay? It's not your fault.
I just... I don't understand
why he hates me so much.
Yeah, but, Leo, it's in the future.
It hasn't happened yet,
so you can change it.
If Chris lives long enough
to tell me what to change.
Wait. Why am I scrying
for the wizard?
The demon has Piper.
I should be scrying for her.
Here, use her keys.
-Got her.
-Okay, I'll take the antidote,
you take the vanquishing potion.
Paige!
-Piper didn't bless it.
-It's all we've got.
We need the power of three.
How will we make up for Piper?
Well, how about with a little help
from our friends?
-Nice catch.
-Thank you.
-So, wait, we can't get in?
-No, it's impenetrable.
PHOEBE: Great plan.
-Well, maybe we can draw her out.
LEO:
How's that?
I could just knock.
PAIGE:
Good thinking.
[POUNDING ON DOOR]
Damn it.
Can't a demon eat in peace?
You're pissing me off, you know?
PAIGE:
Yeah, that's the idea.
You think you can take me?
-Without your sister?
-We're just gonna have to see.
Now!
[FAIRY GIBBERING]
Step on her.
That's gross.
Sorry.
Give me the antidote.
No.
This is my responsibility.
Piper, are you okay?
PIPER:
I think so.
What...? What are you doing here?
Uh, it's a long story.
What's that?
Our little boy.
You gotta get out of here.
Well, hey. Welcome back.
Where's Leo?
[WEB SPINNING]
Chris, come on. Can we just
talk about this a minute?
A minute?
We have the next hundred years.
-I can't get through that thing.
-You want me to try knocking again?
-I don't think that'll work this time.
-It's okay, we'll take it from here.
-Are you sure?
-Yeah, we're positive.
But thanks for everything.
-I told you guys not to bring Leo here.
-I think he just saved your life.
Yeah, at his expense
and maybe Chris' too.
Well, at least we'll have plenty of time
to get to know each other. Dad.
LEO: You see, that's what
I'm talking about.
That's not the demon talking,
that's you talking, Chris.
It's not too late,
you just have to fight it.
Why fight when I've already won?
Tell me why you hate me
so much, Chris.
Huh?
What did I do to become
such a bad dad?
-It doesn't matter anymore.
-No?
The hell it doesn't.
Deep down, you hate my guts.
Admit it. Come on, admit it.
What? Are you afraid?
-I'm not afraid of you.
-No?
Then why don't you tell me
what I did to you, huh?
What, did I miss a school play?
Did I take away your favourite toy?
Did I play favorites with Wyatt?
[SCREAMING]
Chris, don't.
You don't know me.
-Paige, you should take the antidote.
-No, no. I'm fine.
It didn't even break my skin.
Just hurts.
-Yeah, but still...
-No, we need to save it for Chris.
-Paige.
-Ow!
-What's the matter?
-Kidney shot.
Maybe he's trying
to tell you something.
Maybe he is.
-Give me that.
-What? Why?
-So I can take it.
-What?
You've been saying whatever happens
to little Chris happens to big Chris.
-That's what you've been worried about.
-So?
So if I take this, the baby's inoculated
and Chris is just fine, right?
-Do you follow that?
-Not a word.
Just give it to me.
You don't know me.
You don't know me.
You don't know me!
Chris! No!
Chris! Chris, look at me.
Chris! Chris, look at me.
It's okay. It's over.
You gotta eat all your vegetables
and brush your teeth every day.
And don't forget to play a lot.
SIGMUND: Are these the last of them?
-Yeah, thank you.
You're suffocating the boy.
It's just, you know...
Overcompensating?
No, I... I just...
...miss him a lot.
I know.
So you think you're gonna be
all right here?
I mean, at least until after
the baby's born?
Yeah, I think so.
And Gideon's right.
This is the safest place for me,
and that's the most
important thing, right?
-I think so.
-Besides, I'm only an orb away
if the girls need me.
No, I told them to call me first.
You? You're not
going back up there?
No.
My family needs me here right now.
Yes, we do.
You know, Leo,
you can get through to him.
You just can't give up.
He's just as stubborn as you are.
Okay, can you wave goodbye?
Okay, let's go.
Come on. Let's go.
Take good care of them,
Gideon, will you?
Absolutely.
[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]
[SINGING]
Hi. Place is hopping, huh?
Yeah. Not a bad guy over there.
Is that Nick?
No, actually, that's Ron.
What, we skipped some letters
in the alphabet?
-Qs are hard to find.
-I hear you.
-Well, at least he's handsome.
-He's cute, right?
Okay. Have fun. Bye.
Hi.
PAIGE:
Okay. Drinks on the house.
OGRE:
All right.
God bless you, love.
-Cheers.
-Cheers.
Can we talk?
There is nothing to talk about.
I think there is.
Quite a bit, actually.
It doesn't matter.
It does to me, Chris.
You're my son.
I think I deserve to know what I did
that's so bad.
You were never there for me.
You were there for everybody else.
For Mom...
...Wyatt, half the world.
But you were never there for me.
You didn't have the time.
So...
...maybe you came back
from the future not just to save Wyatt.
Maybe you came back
to save us too.
I doubt it.
[SIGHS]