Charmed (1998–2006): Season 5, Episode 22 - Oh My Goddess!: Part 1 - full transcript

I am really glad
Elise made me call you.

You're exactly the kind
of guy I've been looking for.

- Is that so?
- Oh, it is "so" so.

You're cute,
you're sweet, you're smart.

And from what I hear,
you're raking in the dough.

Well, you have quite the way
with words, don't you?

Yeah, well when it comes to
helping needy children, I'm shameless.

Come on, Evan, please do the
charity auction. It'll be fun.

It'll be fun to be auctioned
off like a side of beef.

Yeah, well, it's not like we're
asking you to marry the highest bidder.

It's just, you know, one little date
and one little tax-deductible donation,



you know, to match your lady's bid.

Is there any chance "Ask Phoebe"
will be doing some bidding?

Well, you'll just have to
sign up to find that out.

Then I graduated from
Stanford Law in '98.

Harvard Law.

That's impressive.

So do you want to
give to a charity or what?

I said Stanford, not Harvard.

Let me ask you something.
Have you been having any kind of

end-of-the-world, fire-and-brimstone
doomsday kind of dreams lately?

Wait a minute. Is this
some sort of religious charity?

No, it's not, it's for children.

Right.

Hey, to each his own.



But I'm not into the
whole fire-and-brimstone thing.

Paige, you're supposed to be flirting
with the bachelors,

- not frightening them.
- I'm sorry.

I guess I'm just a little off.

My boyfriend moved to Hong Kong.
I'm thoroughly depressed.

But I still managed to
sign up six people and you have...

- I have none people.
- None people.

Paige, I know you've been in a bad
mood, but this is getting a little crazy.

What? I barely slept all week,
I keep having these strange dreams

about ancient wars
and weird magic...

It's all very disturbing.

- Do you think they mean something?
- I don't know.

It could be hormones.

More likely it could be
my subconscious

trying to tell me something.

It worked! You're alive!

- How long?
- How long?

Three thousand years,
give or take a century.

What?

- Who are you?
- Me?

I'm the demon who spent
decades trying to free you!

Now you're gonna return the favour.

It wasn't easy either.

The world's forgotten about you.

But I had a vision.
If I could somehow revive you,

I could use your power
to bring myself to glory.

Rule the underworld
as I was always meant to!

Lmbecile.

Oh, I love it when you
smite so unexpectedly.

We have to find
Cronus and free him as well.

Do we have to?
You know he'll be furious.

I am counting on it.

For the love that is
everything good and pure

why have we never
bothered to get air conditioning?

Because we live in San Francisco

where the temperature
rarely goes above 75 degrees.

Okay, well, it's at 90 now,
can we get one today, please?

Yeah, we could, if it was
not for this little expenditure here.

Yeah, that's a lot of phone
calls to Hong Kong.

Yes, it is.

Okay, before you start yelling,
let me just explain to you

that I'm trying to figure out where
Jason and I stand and to do that

it requires a lot of phone calls.

You're gonna throw that
glass at me, aren't you?

No, honey, I get it.

You know, it is a very big phone bill.

But if you have to choose between
true love and air conditioning

I'd say it's a no-brainer.

Who are you and what
have you done to my sister?

What, I can't be in a good mood?

No, Mary Poppins wouldn't be
in a good mood in this kind of heat.

Well, Wyatt is finally
sleeping through the night

and my hormones
are back in whack

and you know,
Leo and I are finally...

- Back in the saddle?
- So to speak.

Yay, you!
God, I miss sex!

I gotta tell you, life is feeling
pretty damn good at the moment.

So where is your lucky
husband and my perfect nephew?

They are shopping for
a present for Darryl's son.

Look at you.
You're like soccer mom.

Dare I say it,
your life is almost normal?

There is nothing
normal about this heat.

Good morning, sunshine.

Oh, save the quips
and pass the caffeine.

I have work to do.

Are you gonna scry for Mother Nature
and have a Wiccan word with her?

Okay, you're way too perky,
all right?

And you're frightening me.
I'm just saying.

So you think this
weather's demonic?

I don't know,
there's just something weird.

I keep waking up all week
long with these fiery dreams.

What am I supposed to think?

You're not getting a God
complex or something, are you?

They've got medication for that.

I didn't say my dreams
caused it, I'm just...

I don't know what I'm saying.

Honey, maybe you need to
get out a little more.

Well, this isn't just
me being obsessive.

Okay, maybe a little bit, but it's
not just psychological or emotional,

I really, really think
there's something...

Magical?

Yeah, for lack of a better term.

Listen, I don't wanna be a downer,

but I'm gonna go hit the Book so I can
figure out what the hell is going on.

- Should we be worried?
- I don't think so.

But I just wish she'd
stop looking for trouble.

Because with our luck,
she's gonna find it.

There he is, as wrathful as ever.

All the more reason to leave him be.

Careful, Meta.

Demetrius, I'm telling
you we don't need him.

We have more than enough power
to rule without him, you know that.

Just imagine,
a new plague every day.

A monsoon every week.

It will be devastating.

Nevertheless, we will need his
strength to revenge our captors...

...and that is something we all want.

Oh, now, don't pout, Meta.

You might start a hurricane.

And alert them.

Now, go and find the whitelighters.

It won't be long before I free Cronus.
You know how impatient he can get.

Daddy, Daddy, show us your trick!

Trick? I'm sorry, I don't know
what you're talking about.

Hold on a second. Wait,
you have something in your ear.

I do?

Yeah.

You call that magic?

Okay, who wants hot dogs?

Let me guess, first time
the baby slept all night, huh?

How'd you know?

First few months after Mikey
was born were rough, you know.

No sleep, no time for each other.

That sounds familiar.

Yeah, but right about three or four
months, things start to level off.

- Really good again.
- Till he hits 2.

Oh, don't scare them.

Piper, I have to go.

- But we just got here.
- I know, baby, but it's the Elders.

Don't worry, she knows.

Your secret's safe with me.
Argue away.

Honey, I'm sorry,
but it sounds urgent.

Okay, well, then I need
to express to you

that this is gonna make
me feel a little abandoned.

All right, well, I understand.

I acknowledge your feelings and
I want to let you know that I love you,

even though I have to go.

- Darryl, stop.
- What's so funny?

Nothing, just...
Marriage counselling, huh?

Honey, we did it too.
We recognize the tools.

I think I hate the tools.
I'd rather just snipe later

than be open and honest
about my feelings now.

Yeah, we felt the same way.

But you know what?
Turns out the tools really helped.

- Piper, I have to go.
- Fine, go.

I mean, thank you
for considering my feelings,

and I love you and I will
see you later at home.

Okay.

Very good.

So you'll introduce
the bachelors from here

and then they'll enter from over there.

- Phoebe, you with me?
- I am all over him.

I mean it, all over it.

Phoebe, the newspaper only
sponsors one charity event a year,

and I want this to
go off without a hitch.

It will, I promise.

Okay, that's what I like to hear.

Oh, and please thank your
sister again for donating her club.

I just hope everyone doesn't melt
by the time they get here.

It's gonna be kind of hard
to auction off bachelor soup.

It is bizarre weather, isn't it?

I spoke to Jason this morning and he
says it's the same way in Hong Kong.

You spoke to Jason?

Did he mention me?

Look, not that it's
any of my business...

...but are you sure you
wanna tether yourself

to a boyfriend who's
halfway across the world?

I know.

And the truth is, this heat is
kind of making me a little boy-crazy.

It just feels really weird to end
a good relationship so abruptly.

- He's the one who moved away.
- I know.

And at the risk of advising
an advice columnist...

...I say you bid on a
bachelor or two tomorrow.

That way I can live
vicariously through you.

Oh, Elise, you brazen hussy!

Oh, my God!

- What, what is it?
- Nothing. Hold that thought.

What thought?

Paige, are you out of your mind?

As it turns out, I am not.

Listen, we are in big trouble.

Yeah, you almost exposed
our magic to a room full of people.

No, listen. I studied the I Ching,

tarot cards, runes and tea leaves and
they're all giving me the same reading.

That you need a good night's sleep?

No, that there's something big
going on in the supernatural world.

If my reading is right,
it's not just the thunder and the heat.

We could be in store
for a big earthquake or worse.

Okay, so what do you want us to do?
Do you have a plan?

Not so much a plan as a location.

I scryed for evil and one place
kept coming up red-hot.

Take this. You're gonna need it.
We're going on a trip.

Okay, there's a reason nobody
lives in this part of the world,

and it's because
they all died from the cold.

I thought you said
you wanted air conditioning.

Oh, this sucks!

Scorch mark, see if
you can get a premonition.

I don't have my gloves!

Tough it out, I got us this far.

Okay, fine.

- Did you get anything?
- Yeah, frostbite. Shush.

- Oh, hot, hot, hot!
- Hot?

No, not here hot.

- In my vision.
- Vision? Good, tell me what it is.

Two very large someones
coming out of that wall.

- Who?
- I don't know.

Demetrius.

My lord.

They did this to me.

To me!

- They will be punished.
- Punished?

I will obliterate them!

Earthquake. Did I call it or what?

Did I mention this sucks?

Yeah.

I know it's cooled off a little bit since
this morning, but what are you doing?

Defrosting.

Is this them?

- No.
- Who's them?

We're not sure yet.

- How was the party?
- Oh, just super fun.

Leo got called away
and I got to use my tools.

- What?
- Is that them?

No, they looked a little
bit more... ancient.

Will someone please
tell me what's going on?

A whitelighter's disappeared.

A whitelighter?
Like from a darklighter?

No, a darklighter's poison
is slow and painful.

This was more instantaneous,

and the Elders have no
idea what it could have been.

- It's all connected.
- What's connected?

Whatever it is that
escaped from that ice cave.

You were in an ice cave?

The heat wave, the earthquake,
my dreams,

this is bigger
than any one whitelighter.

I better drop out
of that charity benefit.

- Maybe we should cancel counselling.
- Hold it.

Wait a minute. This is exactly what we
are supposed to be learning in therapy.

When to put our lives on hold
and when not to.

But, Piper, a whitelighter was killed.

We don't know that.

He could have just clipped
his wings and he's in hiding.

- Is that possible?
- Yeah, I guess.

Look, people, we just need to
manage our lives a little bit better.

Dr. Barenson says that
needless worry and panic

serve absolutely no purpose, except to
prevent the possibility of happiness.

I am all for
the possibility of happiness.

Good, so we need to address
the immediate problem at hand

and circle the wagons
only when we have to.

Leo, maybe you should get the Elders
to put a ban on whitelighters orbing

until we figure out
exactly what's going on.

Okay, I'll meet you at therapy.

Okay, don't be late.

Is it safe for you
to orb up there right now?

Yeah. No worrying, remember?

What's going on?

What's with all the activity?
I just left here.

- It's not your concern.
- Roland, please.

Actually, we're not sure, Leo.

But we do know that
something's not quite right.

- Has another whitelighter been...?
- No.

It's something else.

Something we're not at liberty to
discuss outside the council of Elders.

Anything to do with heat waves?
Earthquakes?

What do you know?

Not much, just that Paige has been
having these strange dreams lately.

Dreams that seem pretty prophetic.

You think she foresaw
these earthquakes?

- Yes.
- That's not her power.

It's not a power,
it's more of an instinct.

An instinct?
That's what you're basing this on?

Well, it hasn't let her down
so far, has it?

Look, excuse me, but I've
just learned to rely on her instincts.

All of their instincts.

As well you should have, Leo.

Now, what did you
come up here to tell us?

Just that the girls think...

...well, that we all think
that maybe we should

ground all whitelighters
until we know for sure that it's safe.

We agree.

We'll initiate the orders
as soon as you've returned to them.

In the meantime,
keep them working on this.

It's important.

You're worried, aren't you?

You know me better than that.

At the end of the day, even we
can't change what's meant to be.

Just remember,
no matter what happens,

you must always
follow your instincts too.

Christa!

It's about time
you came to heal your charge.

Who are you? What do you want?

A whitelighter.

It's good to see you again, my lord.

You never were a good liar, Meta.

Where's the third one?

Unfortunately, whitelighters are
not as easy to find in this time.

Much has changed. Magic is
no longer practiced so openly.

Much may have changed,
but you certainly haven't.

You know, it always...

...amazed me how someone...

...as beautiful as you
could so easily turn a mortal to stone.

You haven't changed a bit, have you?

- She stays behind.
- No, she can't!

We are stronger as three than two.

We will need
every ounce of that strength

if we are to take
revenge on our captors.

But if we wait, we risk them
finding out we've been awakened.

Then even with orbs,
we will not be able to break in.

Then that is a risk
we will have to take.

Says who?

You, Demetrius?

- Are you challenging me?
- No!

No, of course he's not, Cronus.

I've brought power
enough for both of you.

You can take them and use them
to find a third whitelighter for me.

And if we can't?

Then I suppose I'll just
have to let you boys handle it.

- Leo?
- Sorry, honey.

I was starting to get
worried about you.

I know, I know,
I came as fast as I could.

Well, what happened?
What took so long?

I don't know.
They don't know.

But we can talk about it later.

Right now our first priority is us.

Good answer, because I don't think
there's enough tools in the box

to handle being stood up
at the shrink.

No way. Are you kidding me?

It sounds important.

- But you were just there.
- I know.

Look, I acknowledge that
this is very difficult for you.

You know what, screw that!
Damn it!

I'm just scared.

But I told you it was
safe orbing up there.

No, not about that.

I'm scared that, you know,
every time something good happens,

every time I actually think we
can have a normal life together,

something goes wrong.

Piper, I have to go.

I know.
And I know it's not your fault.

It's just the way that it is.

I love you.

Phoebe!

Hey, Phoebe!

- Did you find something?
- Do "Titans" ring a bell?

Titans, like from ancient Greece?
You have got to be kidding me.

Ancient gods who were entombed

because it was
the only way to stop them.

Okay, well, even if it is them,
how did they get out?

- And why go after the whitelighters?
- I don't know.

Maybe one of them was hurt,
maybe they needed healing powers.

I do know that because of
the Elders' no-orbing edict

that the only way they're gonna
get another whitelighter is if one:

Oh, no way, Paige.
Forget about it.

Why not? If I'm right,
they will come right to us.

Oh, and you're saying this
like it's a good thing?

It is! This is why
I haven't been sleeping.

This is what I've been
preparing for all year.

I have got potions here
that are stronger

than the ones
that we used on The Source.

Okay, devil's advocate: Until we
figure out how powerful they are

we shouldn't use you as bait.

Witch's advocate: There are evil
gods running around on the loose

that we should eliminate
before Wyatt gets home.

That's dirty. Why do I feel like

you're making me choose
between my sister and my nephew?

Because you're slightly over-dramatic?

I'm a little over-dramatic?

Look, can we just do this, please?

Okay, fine.

Bring on the
earthquake-causing gods.

Watch this.

Don't look into her eyes!

You all right?

Oh, my God, Paige!

Don't worry, she's all right.

Well, I mean, she's not completely all
right, obviously, but she's not dead.

Are you sure she's not?

Frankly, you see this a lot.

Museums, universities, town centres,

most of those
statues aren't really statues.

They're people like your sister
here who've been turned into stone.

- Who are you?
- Chris.

Chris Perry.
I'm... from the future.

Oh, my God!

Tell me that's just a really
good likeness of Paige.

No, it's Paige.

- A Titan turned her to stone.
- A who?

- Who are you?
- That's Chris.

- He's from the future.
- Yeah, but just like 20 years or so.

- Friend or foe?
- I'm not so sure yet.

What do you mean?
I saved Paige, didn't I?

Oh, you call that saving, do you?

Hey, I'm the one who
put my life on the line here.

I didn't have to drop
everything I was doing

just to orb in
and save her butt from...

You...? You orb?
You're a whitelighter?

Look, where I come from,

history shows Paige didn't get
turned to stone on this day.

She died.

And with her death,
the power of three died too

allowing Titans to rule and
create a world you don't wanna see.

Trust me.
I'm here to alter history.

- To help you save the future.
- Who sent you?

- I can't answer that.
- Why not?

Because anything I tell you

could risk changing the future
in ways we don't want.

Who's "we"?

All I gotta say is that
if I hadn't gotten here when I did,

Paige would've been
the third whitelighter victim.

Wait, third?
I thought only one was missing.

Not anymore.

Leo? Leo!

Honey, I'm sorry
I missed counselling but...

Forget that,
we've got bigger problems.

- What happened?
- Forget that too.

How many
whitelighters are missing?

- What?
- How many?

Two, that's what
the Elders just called me for.

Believe me now?

Who's he?

What was that?

Sorry.

We'll pay for that.

So long as you can
keep the world from ending.

It was a trap.
You were tricked.

Still, there are other whitelighters.

No, we have been discovered.

Your incompetence
has endangered us all!

My incompetence?

I only went where I was told...

...my lord.

It doesn't matter.

We can go back, they will be
no match for the three of us.

Out of the question. We have to attack
our enemies now while we still can!

I won't leave Meta behind.

It's all right, Demetrius.

You won't have to.

No!

Careful, Demetrius.

Either you're with me...

...or you're with her.

Come on, come on,
prance this way.

Here we go, here we go.

Move it, move it, move it, today!

Hey, quit manhandling us.

- We're not your pets.
- No, you're just a pain, now go on.

And don't let the neighbours see you.

Check out the size
of that oracle's... ball.

Phoebe, focus.

Oh!

I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.

Stay away from those windows.

What the hell
is going on around here?

If you haven't noticed,
the world's a mess out there.

Something terrible's going on.
Everyone senses it.

- The Titans?
- Must be.

So you guys just all came here
figuring we would stop them?

Well, you are the Charmed Ones,
aren't you?

Do you always leave
the little one unattended?

- No!
- No!

Well, just sounds like
he needs to be changed.

- I'll take care of it.
- Hold it!

You are not the nanny,
we rejected you.

No, I rejected you.

But I suppose I could fill in,
just for a bit.

Did she just hire herself?

You need to go watch her.

What about the Elders? They need
to know the Titans are back.

Can't Chris tell them?
He's a whitelighter, isn't he?

Wait a minute.

Where is he?

- Upstairs with Paige.
- And the Book.

All right, you, to the elf.

You keep an eye
on our magical houseguests.

Herd them into the basement
or something.

I'm gonna go see
what future-boy is up to.

- What are you doing?
- What does it look like I'm doing?

I'm trying to find a way to free
stone-cold Paige over here.

Step away.

Please, like I haven't
looked in this before?

By the way, you should
update your goblins entry.

It'll come in handy someday.

- Goblins?
- Yeah. Trust me, it's gonna get ugly.

Look, obviously you don't trust me.
But I touched the Book, right?

And the Book thinks I'm good,
shouldn't you?

- Maybe you found a way around that.
- Piper, come on.

I'm just trying to help.

Well, then, if that's true, why don't you
tell me how to vanquish the Titans?

Except you can't vanquish them.

You mean not without
the power of three?

Maybe not even with that.

The only way the Elders could stop
them 3000 years ago

was by infusing some mortals
with a hell of a lot of power,

way more than you guys have.

So they can do that again.

Not after what happened last time.

When the mortals trapped the Titans,
the power went to their heads.

They declared themselves gods
and forced the world to worship them.

The Elders swore they would
never allow that to happen again.

Hang on a second,
I'm having a 9th-grade flashback.

You're talking about the Greek gods,
Zeus, Athena, Aphrodite?

- They were mortals?
- Mythology left that part out.

Not the only inaccuracy, by the way.

Phoebe, what are you doing?
You're supposed to be...

I know, I know. But I thought
they could help us free Paige.

After all, a leprechaun's luck
has helped us before.

He's the leprechaun,
I'm one of the seven dwarfs.

Try to keep it straight, will you?

Sorry.

It's gonna take a lot more than
just me luck to free this one.

We're gonna need
some pixie dust too.

I'll get a fairy.
I left my axe downstairs anyway.

Okay, so where are we?

Screwed, possibly.
One thing I'm still not clear about:

If the Titans are roaming around,
why are they killing whitelighters?

Because they need
their orbing power.

Their orbing power? What on
earth would they wanna do with...?

Oh, my God.

Leo!

What did I miss?
What did she just figure out?

Nothing good.

How did you know he was cold?

Babies are what I do.

Leo?

The Titans are after the Elders.

- What?
- You have to go warn them,

but don't stay up there too long.
Hurry.

No!

Now, laddie!

Don't know what else to try.

Running out of gold too, I'm afraid.

Okay, well, there's gotta
be something we can do.

Just keep trying.

- What are you doing over here?
- Nothing.

You guys keep this stuff forever,
you know that?

You knew the Titans were
after the Elders, didn't you?

Why didn't you tell us?

I told you, there's some things
I can't tell you.

Some things you need
to figure out on your own.

Even at the risk
of making things worse?

All right, what's going on?

Leo's not responding to any of my calls
and it's been over five hours.

- I really don't know.
- Well, I really think you do.

Look. You're the one
who wanted him to go up there

in the first place. Not me.

All right, fine. Maybe I do know.

And if I'm right, he's gonna
need some serious alone time.

You know what? Cut it out
with the cryptic crap.

You need to go up there
and bring him back, now.

No more games.

Okay. Fine, I'll go.

But if I were you two,
I'd focus on freeing Paige

because you're
gonna need her, soon.

I swear to God,
if he does not come back with Leo,

I'm gonna blow his ass
back to the future, orbs and all!

You know what?

Why don't you go be with Wyatt, and
I will take care of everything up here.

I will call you
if anything happens, I promise.

- You're not breathing.
- Nope.

Breathe.

Okay, next sister.

Leo?

Why didn't you tell me?

- Why did you let this happen?!
- Easy, easy.

- Why?
- Because this had to happen!

It had to happen so you
could do what has to be done.

What are you talking about?
They're all dead.

- Gone.
- No.

Not all of them.

Some of the Elders
escaped back to Earth,

but it won't be long before
the Titans hunt them down too.

But you can still stop them.

You can still defeat the Titans.

How?

I think you know how.

It's too dangerous.

The Elders forbid it.

True.

But then again, the Elders aren't
around to stop you now, are they?

That's right, Leo.

This is what it's all about.

This is why they had to die, so you
could do something they'd never do.

To save the future for your family.

For your son.

- This is crazy.
- Maybe.

But it's our only chance.

Like it or not, you've been put in
the situation for a reason, Leo.

We both have.

Says you.

How do I know you're not trying
to manipulate this situation

for your own future?

Just the way you've
manipulated everything else.

You don't.

But what choice do you really have?

There's certainly no future
unless you do something.

I don't know.

Even if I were to believe you...

...even if I were willing...

...I couldn't.

I'm no Elder.

Well, you better start acting like one.

Now!

Hit it!

Oh, honey! Hi!

Oh, I'm so happy
to see you. Are you okay?

What happened?
Where's the Titan?

What the hell
are these guys doing here?

Long story, I'll tell you on the way.

You're welcome.

There you are.

Okay, I get the whole epic Titan
thing but what I'm not getting

is the Chris thing.

We're still trying to figure that out.

- Look who's not stoned.
- Welcome back.

You've missed a lot.

Yeah, I can't help but think
it's kind of all my fault.

I mean I'm the one who lured the
Titans here. Insert "I told you so."

Done.

I just kind of was obsessed with
the whole weird dreams thing and...

But I am so sorry for any distress
I might have caused you, Piper.

Don't worry about it.

I should have listened
to you in the first place.

Just trying not to worry, or to panic.

But I've just got this terrible feeling
in the pit of my stomach.

What kind of feeling?

That Leo's not coming back.

Sweetie.

Of course he's coming back.

How could he not?

I don't know, it's just
something that Chris said

about Leo having to
go through this alone.

I don't know.

What the hell is he doing up there?

Sorry to interrupt,
but we're all leaving now.

- Wait. Why?
- Didn't you hear the distress call?

The surviving Elders have all been
flushed out. They need our protection.

"Surviving"?

The elf will stay behind to take care
of the kid while you battle the Titans.

Wait, who said anything
about us battling the Titans?

Leo.

Leo!

- Piper.
- No.

- But she needs me.
- Not as much as the rest of us do.

You need to stay here.
Even afterwards, to coordinate.

All right.

Then you should go.
Otherwise the girls won't understand.

Good luck.

Leo!

Leo!

Leo, for God sakes,
if you can hear me...

You? Where's Leo?

He's safe, for now.

- Paige, hi.
- Hi.

Forget that.
What do you mean, for now?

- What's going on?
- What is this about us

supposedly battling the Titans?

You're about to find out.

What's that supposed to mean?

- That's what that means.
- What happened?

What are we?

You're gods.

You expect us to beat
the Titans dressed like this?

Maybe at a costume party.

That's not a costume, that represents
your new position and power.

- Power?
- Power's good.

I like power.

- Why do I like power?
- Because you are the goddess of war.

Oh, well I guess
that explains the pitchfork.

It's not a pitchfork, it's a trident.

Be careful,
that's a formidable weapon.

Right on.
Who wants to fight?

I'm a lover, not a fighter.

- You're the goddess of love.
- Naturally.

Well, then, that must make
me the goddess of sanity

because I find this ridiculous.

Actually, Leo gave you dominion over
the earth and all its natural elements.

Wait a minute.
You're saying that Leo did this to us?

Chris, you never told us.

Do you have a girlfriend
in the future?

As you can see, all of you have drives
and urges based on your powers.

Don't let them distract you, all right?

Stay focused.

Focused on the Titans.

Hold it, pal! I don't know what
what kind of game you're running here,

but Leo is not
in the god-making business.

How old are you anyway?

The Elders forbid it. And if anything,
Leo is a company man.

The Elders did forbid it.
And guess what? They're dead.

Most of them.

Leo's in charge up there now,
and he's taking a huge risk

that you won't lose your humanity
like the ancient Greek... Whoa!

You killed the Elders,
you could have prevented it.

I say we castrate him.

A little control here, ladies, please?

Can't we figure out
something else to cut off?

I told you, stay focused!

In my future,
all the Elders were killed.

That's why I came back,
to help Leo give you the power

so this would never
have to happen again.

Hey, guys, watch this.

Put that thing down!
You're gonna hurt someone.

I certainly hope so.

Do you know the kind of
damage this thing could do?

- A lot.
- Paige.

Make love, not, you know...

There's no door love can't open.

No wall love can't climb.

No hurdle love can't... hurdle.

This is Leo's strategy?

Well, he must have lost it up there,

because these girls can't
be seen in public, much less...

Oh, that reminds me.
I'm late for the bachelor auction.

I'm gonna go pick up
a guy or two, or 12.

Phoebe!

Oh, that's a good idea.

I'm gonna go get in some
target practice on some demons.

Watch out, Titans.

I knew this was gonna happen.
You gotta go after them.

Oh, no, no, no, this was your
big plan, you clean up the mess.

No, your role is to provide balance.

That's why you feel
so grounded and in control.

Wow, Chris, that was
actually pretty good.

You almost sounded like a whitelighter.
Too bad I already have one.

And if he would like me
to do something,

he can come down
and tell me himself.

Do you hear that?

You want Leo?

Then vanquish the Titans.

If you can't do that, you're gonna find
out what a world of darkness feels like.

My world.

I can sense what's left of the Elders.

They're scared
and running for their lives.

You're still angry with me
for killing her, aren't you?

Demetrius, I'm sorry.

Meta was a distraction.

Once we control the heavens,
you can have any woman you want.

I want you to know
I did what had to be done.

We needed to hit
the Elders hard and fast.

And we did. Right?

Demetrius...

...let's go finish off the Elders.

Ladies, prepare your checkbooks,
because here comes Evan.

Oh, my, my, somebody
turn the heat down in here.

I don't have to take off
my clothes or anything, do I?

That's entirely up to you.

Okay, ladies, Evan's
an internist from Sausalito.

And he promises the highest
bidder a free physical on their date.

So who'll start the bidding?

- Four hundred!
- Excellent, do I hear 500?

One thousand dollars.

Phoebe!

Can I bid on her?

- If you insist.
- That isn't, this isn't, I don't really...

I got a $10,000
limit on my credit card.

- Well, okay then.
- Eleven thousand!

- Twelve thousand.
- Thirteen thousand.

- Fourteen thousand.
- Fourteen-five!

- Fifteen thousand.
- Sixteen thousand.

- Eighteen thousand!
- Easy, boys.

There's plenty to go around.

Come on, now,
hit me with your best shot.

Give me one firm spot on which
to stand, and I will move the Earth.

Archimedes said that.

Great warrior,
and he didn't even have a trident.

Okay, on your knees.

Kiss the hand of the Paige!

Paige, my liege.

Being a goddess
does have its perks.

Paige, what are you doing?

How did you find me?

Apparently it's one of my powers,
to keep an eye on you.

What is going on here?

Oh, I'm just building an army.

I figured, what better way
to smite the Titans

than with hordes of demons, right?

Wrong.

All of you, out!

We answer only to our liege.

- I see.
- See, they're very loyal.

And you know what? I don't know why
I was wasting time studying witchcraft

when I clearly should have been
earning my general's stripes.

I said go, now!

What did you have to do that for?
I had followers.

You can't have followers.
None of us can.

Now come on, before
I unleash my wrath on you.

Not in the house.

Now let's go find Phoebe.

My word, this is a house of ill-repute.

Hardly suitable for an infant.

What do you mean?

How does that feel, Phoebe?

Oh, make sure you
peel those for me, will you?

Yes, of course.

Phoebe, we need to talk.

Yes, we do.

The world would be overflowing
with peace and love

if only we just talked more.

What are they doing here?

Oh, worshipping me,
adoring me, exalting my name.

There is so much love in this room,
I can barely stand it.

Me neither.

It's time to send your
groupies away, now.

But serving me
makes them so happy.

Thank you, bachelor number three.

All right, all of you,
show is over, move along.

We live to serve Phoebe.

Oh you do, don't you?
That's so sweet.

Piper, you need to get
some followers of your own.

It's a really great confidence-builder.

Are you eyeing me, soldier?

What the hell is this?
Goddesses gone wild?

I told you to keep them in line.
What if the Titans attacked now?

Chris, I've got it, thank you.
All of you!

Out!

Now, that's what I'm talking about.

Time for a morality check.

Leo did not give us this power so
we could form armies or love cults.

The ancient Greeks
indulged in their whims that way,

and look what they became.

Petty, evil, vindictive...

Thanks, I've got it. Now.

Hi. Can you two get it under control?

"Reason and judgment
are the qualities of a leader."

Tacitus, 100 A.D.

"Love will keep us together."

Captain and Tennille, 1970s.

Fascinating. Now can we figure
out a way to beat the Titans?

Because I for one would
like my family back soon.

Is that a jingle?

There are no Elders up there.
Who's jingling?

- It's Leo.
- Leo can jingle?

Yep. He says
an Elder's under attack.

Like it or not,
it's time to face the Titans.

Stand back, wise one.

Such bravery in the face of death.

We ain't the ones
that will be dying today.

Remind me when we're through
with the Elders to do something...

...nice for the leprechaun community.

We've beaten you before, Cronus.

- We'll do it again.
- How?

Your numbers are dwindling. By day's
end, the great Elders will all be dead.

And we'll own the heavens.

Who are you?

The Supremes.

- She wields the powers of the gods!
- Just kill the Elder.

Somebody get the Elder out.

- I can't. I can't move.
- Me neither.

Leo!

Where did they go?

- Everybody okay?
- No. Is my hair singed?

You're fine.

I guess we're not so
all-powerful after all.

- How did we get out of there?
- I guess Leo must have orbed us out.

But I don't know how.
He doesn't have that kind of power.

Well, he must have
because we're out of there.

What is this place, a sewer?

This is... sanctuary.

Oh, my, my, my.

Aren't you just the edible Elder.

Have you taken a vow of celibacy?

- Phoebe, stay on target.
- Right.

What do you mean, this is sanctuary?

It's a safe house...

...set up by Leo to protect the Elders.

Well, it doesn't look so safe to me.

I can see unprotected
points of entry all over the place.

Don't worry.
The Titans can't sense our location.

We're hidden from them
by a web of fairy magic.

Another of Leo's ideas.

- Leo did all this?
- I was surprised myself.

I'm afraid I'm one of the Elders
who always sold Leo short.

What with him
marrying a witch and all.

- No offence.
- Offence taken.

I will never make that mistake again.

Without Leo, we'd all be dead.

He's out there now tracking Elders
as we speak, moving them here.

- We owe Leo everything.
- I guess so.

Well, good luck with the Titans.

One more question:

What are you wearing
under that robe?

More robes.

Oh, that is so hot.

This is getting tired.

A warrior preparing for battle
cannot be weary.

No, I'm tired of getting all
this information second-hand.

I would like to hear it from Leo.

Piper, I'm sensing a blockage
in your spiritual energy.

- What's wrong, sweetie?
- I need to talk to my husband.

I appreciate him becoming a magical
folk hero for the masses and all,

I really do.
But enough is enough.

Leo!

Remember me, your wife?

Don't you jingle me!
I need more than a jingle here, mister!

You will get down here right now!

Are you trying to alert the enemy?

Piper, I'm sure as soon as Leo
figures out how angry you are

he's gonna come
running down here.

Okay, you can come running now.

Look, sweetie,
it's not like he's not busy.

He's saving the world.

And buying us time
to vanquish the Titans,

although I don't know where
we're gonna get the strength from.

- They had no problem with my power.
- Then let's try my power.

I've been waiting for you...

...my whole life.
- You have?

Why?

Why?

It doesn't matter.

The only thing that matters
is that you're here, and I'm here.

- Do you know what that means?
- We're here?

Right.

Together.

- Do you want me?
- Very much.

I'm all yours.

But wait, what would Cronus think?

I don't care what Cronus thinks.

If he tries to stop me, I'll just...

What are you doing, Demetrius?

The goddess wants to seduce me.

I was just playing along
till you got here.

Phooey!

End war game.

- My way didn't work.
- Nothing's working. I need a break.

How did the Greeks do it?

Well, for one thing,
there were more of them.

Like an entire
mountaintop full of them,

until their powers consumed them.

Maybe declaring themselves gods

gave them strength
to defeat the Titans.

- I'd rather be flayed alive.
- Not an option for me.

God...

I miss Leo.

Leo?

- Oh, it's just you.
- Hello to you too.

So the Elders are taken care of.

- Where's Piper?
- She's upstairs with the baby.

- Could you bring us Leo?
- He's busy.

- How's it going here?
- Not so good.

I keep trying to come up
with a plan to defeat the Titans,

but every simulation
ends the same way.

With our death.

We could really use
Leo right about now.

I'm starting to get
that impression.

- Could you bring him back?
- For the last time, no.

What is wrong with you two, huh?

- You're acting hopeless.
- I don't know.

I guess I always feel like this
right before a big battle.

And then Leo comes down,
and I don't know how he does it...

...but he makes me feel like
I have the power to do anything.

Really?
It's different for me.

It's like I forget that I even
have any training and I,

and I can't concentrate. But Leo
helps me focus and calm down.

You know, I'm starting to think
that we take Leo for granted.

Are you sure
that you can't get him?

Leo is up there, okay?

And he's gotta stay up there until...
You know what?

I'm not gonna go over this again.

What can I do to get you two
over the hump here?

Try saying this,
it always works for Leo:

"Your power comes
from your emotions."

Or what about this?
"Trust the power of three."

Or how about this one?

"I'm gonna go
check with the Elders."

Do you actually think
he checks with the Elders?

No. He probably
just orbs to a sports bar

and buys his buddies rounds of drinks.
"My wife thinks I'm up there.

Here's to the Elders."

You really are helpless without him.

Somebody's still alive up here.

We don't know that, Cronus.

Maybe the world's magic
has increased

since we were frozen in that...

Demetrius!

The trident, she had the trident.

The Greek gods have been
re-created, which means

somebody up here released
their essence as mortals.

Which means
somebody is still up here.

If you're right, and the
gods have been re-created,

then we should be after them now
before their powers grow too strong.

No.

Whoever's up here
will just create new gods.

That threat must be dealt with now.

- I am sensing something.
- Where?

It's faint.

There.

Whoever created these gods,
whoever is hiding, they're trapped.

They can't dematerialize
without exposing themselves to us.

There's only so many
places up here they can hide.

I could have sworn...

I don't see anything.

Keep looking.

I know you miss him.
I miss him too.

I need help.

Excuse me.

This is my bedroom, you can't
just walk in here anytime you want to.

Yeah, I know.
But your sisters need you.

I got them working on the Titans but I
don't know how long that's gonna last.

- I thought you needed me.
- I did. I mean, I do.

I need you because they need you.
Actually, they need Leo.

Look, will you please
just go deal with them?

What's the matter? Chris, the
all-knowing, running out of answers?

Yes, yes I am.

If that will motivate you,
yes, I'm losing control.

I'm watching history repeat itself and
nobody's doing a damn thing about it!

I feel your frustration.

Piper, if it helps, I get it. Okay? I do.

Really. You need Leo.

Your sisters need Leo.

- But if you can't stop...
- You forgot the baby.

The baby needs his father too.

Fine. But if you can't stop
missing your husband

long enough to see
the bigger picture...

There is no bigger picture
than my family.

Well, then, pay attention,
because the world I grew up in,

families hardly existed.
I never had a chance to know mine.

- Not my fault.
- Not yet.

Is that what this is about?

You blame us
for what happened to you?

I just want you
to get it right this time.

Use your power of three.

Use your power as gods.

Save the world from going to hell.

If that's what you want,
then I will say it one more time,

and maybe you will hear me.

We need Leo.

Now, excuse me,
I have to go warm up a bottle.

Don't worry.
You'll come to trust me in time.

They all will.

What are you doing?
You're gonna expose us!

That's the idea.

Did you sense that?

Someone orbed.

Hurry, go. Piper needs you.

Leo, how could you leave us?

Who are you?

Hi, Piper.

You're home.

You heard my calls, right?

Of course I did, honey.

But I had to make sure
the Elders were safe,

and then I was cornered
by the Titans.

I'm just thankful you're okay.
My mind was just racing.

I know, I felt it.

- Good thing Chris came when he did.
- Chris?

He distracted the Titans
so I could escape.

Right now they're probably following
his orb trail, so we don't have...

What's wrong with your hair?

What?

It's white.

Is it?

Wow, must be from
staying up there for so long.

I guess so.

Where are your sisters?

Well, they can wait a minute
while we spend some time alone.

And then you need to hold your son.

Spoken like a true earth goddess.

What are you talking about?

You need to channel your hearth
and home instincts to fight the Titans.

Leo, I was speaking
from the heart, not the hearth.

Hi, I'm your wife. Remember?

I do. But Chris can only
throw off the Titans for so long.

We need to be ready
with a battle plan.

Now let's find your sisters.

Ma'am, I was just coming
to check on the baby.

That's okay, because
he's actually sleeping so...

Welcome, wise one.

Oh, no, this is just my husband.
He's not an Elder.

He's just wearing
this robe because...

Why are you wearing this robe?

It was windy up there.

See? So you can take a break
because, you know,

Wyatt's asleep and...

Okay, here we go.

It says in there that Cronus
swallowed his newborn children

to keep them from overthrowing him.

What if you lure the Titans to a field,
Piper lifts them with a tornado,

and I hit them with my lightning?

I'm afraid there's no way to beat a man
who eats his own children.

- Those stories are fables.
- Leo!

Welcome home, Leo.

What do you have for me?

Paige ran every battle plan she knows,
which as a war goddess

is basically every battle
that's ever been fought.

No matter how you spin it,

warrior, seductress, earth mother,

we don't have the power
to defeat the Titans.

We can't beat them.
They're too strong for us.

See how much
this family needs you?

No.

I don't.

You can do this without me.

And it's not because you have the
power of gods or the power of three.

It's because

you're the greatest force of good that
I know, and that's why I chose you.

Oh, see? I can just feel
the confidence wash all over me.

- He's doing it.
- What is he doing?

Paige, you know exactly where to
find the power to conquer the Titans.

- I do?
- Yes, you just need to focus.

- We have to declare ourselves gods.
- That's how the ancient Greeks did it.

Chris told us not to do that.

Well, Chris is wrong.

He doesn't know you like I do.

But, Leo, the ancient Greeks
lost their humanity.

You're not the ancient Greeks.

You're the Charmed Ones.

I didn't give you
anything you can't handle.

Phoebe, you lost yourself to
the darkest love that ever existed,

and you came back.

Of course you can handle
being the goddess of love.

I never thought of it that way.

Paige, you're the goddess of war
because you've been consumed

with gaining power, but you've never
let the power consume you.

Piper...

...is it any wonder I made you
the goddess of earth?

You are everything that is
good and beautiful in this world.

The mother of my son.

You really have
that much faith in us?

Do you really even need to ask that?

It's like I've always said,
your power comes from your emotion.

And right now you need to
dig deeper than you ever have before.

Whatever motivates you,
your heart, your soul,

your darkest fears, whatever it takes.
You need to find that

and channel it into power.

Power, not to capture the Titans,

but to destroy them.

Forever.

Leo?

What's happening to me?

He's not here.

Another dead end.

No.

The orb trail's getting stronger.

We're getting closer.

We'll push ahead.

Wait, wait.

Do you sense that?

An Elder out in the open.

Do you think it's our target?

There's only one way to find out.

I'll never leave you.

I promise.

Why would you?

- Leo, what's going on?
- I'm not sure.

What do you mean you're not sure?

Chris, wherever you are,
get your ass over here!

It's okay, Chris.

This better be an emergency.

You are gonna lead the Titans
straight to us.

What's happening to my husband?

Something amazing.

You know what? Cut the crap!

You knew the Elders were gonna die.
You coached Leo up there.

You knew all of this
was gonna happen.

- Did you?
- You're not serious.

Whatever it is you think you're doing,
you need to make it stop.

Piper, nobody chose this.
It chose Leo.

What he did up there, for all of us,
was nothing short of a miracle.

Now he's receiving
the ultimate reward.

- A chance to become an...
- Don't you dare say it!

The world needs sources of good
to watch over it.

Do you know a source
of pure goodness better than Leo?

Leo is not...

He's not an Elder, okay?

Because Elders don't live on Earth.
They don't have families, okay?

Just tell him you're not an Elder.

I don't know that I can.

I think you should
get back to your sisters.

No. Not until you tell him.

They're waiting for you.

Chris is right. You need to get back
to Paige and Phoebe.

No. Not until you say it.

The Titans are
gonna be here any moment.

I said no!

He'll be okay.

You did it, Piper.

You found your power.

Now control it.
Don't let it control you.

Piper!

Where is the Elder
who created you?

It's not nice
to piss off Mother Nature.

- So much for the Titans.
- Thank God.

You're welcome.

You did it, Piper.

You found the power you needed.

You all did.

Now it's time to give it back.

Are you ready?

Just get it out of me.

How do you feel?

Free.

Anything on Piper?

- Nope, I still can't get a read.
- Just keep trying.

Okay, even if we do find her,
how are we gonna get her back?

She's on this major power trip.
She destroyed the Titans.

Not even the Greek gods
could do that.

We just gotta hope she has
some humanity still left inside.

If anyone can come back
from this, it's Piper.

I've gotta go now.

If you need me,
Chris knows how to get in touch.

Where are you going?

The Elders have returned
to the heavens, and they're calling me.

Did he just bail on us?
Is that what he did?

What about, you know,
helping us find his wife?

He's trusting in you to do that.

You need to find Piper
and talk her down

before she sets up shop somewhere
and throws the world into chaos.

Then it'll be too late for her.

Okay, maybe you missed the part
about Piper being Leo's wife.

Look, you have to understand.
Things have changed.

The Elders need Leo up there
to help restore order.

Cut to the chase, future man.

Is this about Leo being
turned into an Elder, or what?

He's on the path.

Okay, don't give us
that creepy pod-people smile.

Okay, in your world
being an Elder may be cool,

but in our world,
it pretty much sucks.

Leo is our brother-in-law.

- And our whitelighter.
- And our friend.

And we don't want to lose him.

So listen,
you go up there and tell Leo...

What is going on with this storm?

Piper.

- Piper's what's up with the storm.
- What do you mean?

Remember when the Titans
were first released?

The major weather shifts
and the earthquake?

- Yeah.
- When you have power over the earth

like the Titans did, it's bound
to suffer your emotional baggage.

And, like Leo says, our power
comes from our emotions.

Okay.

Okay, so if you're a god,
and you're angry,

and you're taking it out on the city,
where would you go?

Somewhere high where I could
enjoy the damage I'm inflicting.

Piper!

Stay away from me.

- We're taking you home.
- To your family.

What family?

To your son, Wyatt!

- Remember him?
- He needs his mother.

He already lost his father, don't take
his mother away from him too.

Where is he?

Where is Leo?

Piper, what are you doing here?

How can you do this?

Excuse us for a minute.

You asked me to marry you,
and I did.

You wanted a family,
and I gave you a son.

And now you want me
to watch you just walk away?

It's not that simple.

Then make it simple.

Because I'm trying
really hard to understand.

Piper, if I had a choice
in any of this, I would choose you.

I always have.

Then choose me now...

...and let's go home.

Don't you think I want to?

I don't know.

And that's what scares me the most.

The Elders were wrong about us.

They didn't think
our love could survive, but it did.

Our love blessed us
in ways they couldn't even imagine.

It gave you the strength
that you needed to take over for Prue.

It produced a baby
with a greater future than any of us.

And it made me...

An Elder.

Our love is transcendent, Piper.

It lifted me up so high
that this was the only possible result.

Being an Elder wasn't my destiny.

But yet, here I am because of you.

I can't just give up.

I don't know how.

You can't fight this.

Not this.

How am I supposed to do this alone?

You have your sisters.

It's not the same.

Will I ever see you again?

I don't know.

I'll always be watching over you.

But you won't be there for Wyatt.

You're gonna miss so much.

I will never leave Wyatt's side.

He will always feel my presence.

It's not the same as human love.

He needs you for that.

He's got me.

And I hope that that's enough.

But what if it's not?

As an Elder, I have the power
to take your pain away.

You can't make me forget you.

No...

...help you find peace.

I know, Elise.

Yeah, it really was a great costume.

I'm just glad that the night
was a success.

Okay. You too.

Bye.

Well, I managed to raise $18,000 for
the Bay Mirror Children's Foundation.

Gotta admit,
being a goddess did have its perks.

I even got a second date with Evan.

What's Jason gonna think?

You know, I miss Jason. I really do.

But I can't put my life
on hold for him.

You know, if he comes back
to San Francisco,

then we'll give it another shot.

How about you?
You miss being a warrior princess?

No, I do not miss
being a warrior princess.

In fact, I don't even think
I'm gonna miss being super-witch.

What do you mean?

I've been on this crazy
magic journey for so long now, I...

I just think it's time to
slow down a bit, you know.

I've kind of let my career slide,
let my friends slide.

I think I'm just tired
and I need a break.

You got it?

You know, Paige, you should
be really proud of yourself.

All that hard work paid off.

We beat the Titans.

Yeah, I am. That's great.

I guess I'm just kind of looking
forward to a change, you know?

To help me take my mind off
what we're losing.

Oh, sweetie,
you can't look at it that way.

We didn't lose him.

He'll be watching over us.

It's different.

Come in!

- Hi.
- Hey.

Hi.

Are you sure
you want us over today?

Yeah, I mean,
we don't wanna intrude.

No, you're not intruding.
This was Piper's idea.

I can only imagine what
she's going through. How's she doing?

We're not really sure.

She wanted to be alone
with the baby last night.

Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if she
didn't come out of her room for a year.

Hi, guys.

- I'm so glad you could come.
- Hi.

Hi.

We wanted to show our support.

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

Leo was...

...is...

...somebody who...

Oh, come on, guys.
This is a celebration.

Leo got promoted.

We should all be happy for him.

- I am.
- You are?

Of course I am.

Piper, you don't have to put on
a brave face. We're all here for you.

Suppressing emotions
in this family can be dangerous.

No, I'm not suppressing
anything, really. I'm okay.

Now, let's eat before
the baby wakes up from his nap.

Oh, I forgot the baby monitor.
Here. Be right back.

Okay. Let's eat.

- Go on.
- Yeah, come on, honey.

Something's wrong with Piper.

Maybe she's moved on.

But Piper doesn't move on,
she fights.

I'm telling you, that wasn't Piper.

So did the Elders decide
what to do with me yet?

Well, you've been the subject
of heated discussion.

One thing we agreed upon is...

...you can't return to the future.

I figured as much.

The time line's changed.
I don't even know what I'd go back to.

So...

...what did they decide?

The Elders voted...

...to make you the Charmed Ones'
new whitelighter.

They did?

As a reward for helping
defeat the Titans. But then...

...somehow, I figured you knew that.

You know, I can't stop thinking
about what Piper said,

and wondering myself,

if this wasn't part
of your plan all along.

Take good care of them, Chris.

Don't forget...

...l'll be watching over you.