Charmed (1998–2006): Season 4, Episode 3 - Hell Hath No Fury - full transcript

Okay, turn left up here.

And can you step on the gas a little?

Off the gas. Off the gas.

Does somebody else
wanna drive here?

Phoebe, the demon is not
waiting around for us

to come and vanquish him.

We don't even know if we have
the power to vanquish him.

Scrying for random evil
tells us nothing.

It tells us where the demons are,

and since we vanquished
two already this week,

- I'd say it's working pretty well.
- Yeah.



Thanks to Cole
for saving our butts.

Two witches and a half a demon
does not the power of three make.

So, what are we supposed to do?

Sit around and wait for them
to pick us all off?

If we weren't going after them,
they'd be coming after us.

They're coming after you
anyway, Piper.

- The Source is coming after you.
- And we won't be ready for him

because instead of teaching Paige
how to be a witch,

we are out hunting for every Tom,
Dick and Beelzebub in San Francisco.

Speaking of,
do we have a plan, or...?

- The plan is vanquish the demon.
- Great.

Have you mastered your powers,
or are you still freezing

- and exploding at random?
- Random.

But you know what they say,
there's nothing like field practice.



Turn here.

Stop.

Hey. Big, scary demon.

He's gonna blow.

Next?

"Throughout history,
witches have been misunderstood,

persecuted and destroyed.

The public hanging, drowning
and burning of women

suspected of witchcraft
is a far more recent chapter

of our history
than most people realize. "

Paige.

Yeah?

What's the hold-up
on the O' Brien application?

Well, at the moment, the only hold-up
is my boss, who's standing over me,

distracting me from my work.

Nice teeth.

Have it on my desk by noon.

Lila.

What's the O'Brien application?

Adam O'Brien? The foster kid we're
trying to get into the boarding school?

Oh, my God.

The scholarship application
is due, like, today.

I'm so lame.

Oh, Billy, I thought I told you to throw
anything from creditors in the trash.

Hi, pizza-face.

Look, I understand how difficult
it is to tear yourself away

from the cleavage in this section,

but I'm gonna need my mail
sometime today, okay?

No problem.

Go, go.

Nice rug.

What the hell?

Look at him.
What happened to his hair?

I didn't know he was bald!

Oh, I know that you're happy
that we got him, Piper,

but is it entirely necessary
to disfigure the Book?

This one could incinerate
human flesh with his eyes.

That must sting.

You think that's funny?

You could've gotten yourself killed.
Do you understand that?

Yes, Cole, I understand "killed"
very well.

Then why would you wanna keep
risking your life and Phoebe's?

Not to mention mine.

There's a legion
of bounty hunters on my ass.

I'm supposed to be laying low, but
instead I'm out protecting you guys.

You know what, Cole?
Next time you can stay home.

If you insist on taking these suicide
missions, you force me to be there,

because there's no way in hell I'm
gonna let Phoebe lose another sister.

Why don't you go see
who's at the door for us, okay?

Sure.

If it's The Source,
I'll just ask him to come back later.

We need to talk.

Piper, Cole's right. We have
a system for fighting demons,

and it's worked pretty well
the last three years.

I think Prue being killed counts
as a pretty big glitch in the system.

I know that you're angry.
I am angry too.

Then why are you fighting me
on this?

What's...? What is the problem
with getting a little proactive?

Because we're not ready
to get proactive.

That's what's wrong with it.

We're barely ready for anything
right now.

Just dealing with our everyday
normal lives is hard enough.

That is precisely the point.

The faster we get rid
of these demons,

the faster we can get back
to our everyday normal lives,

or at least what is left of them.

Knock-knock.

I...

I'm sorry to just drop by
without calling.

It's okay, don't worry about it.

I don't know exactly why I'm here.
I'm just kind of having a hard time

being surrounded by people, and...

And not be able to tell them that you
can move things with your mind?

It does not exactly
roll off the tongue.

Yeah. Well, being a witch
is tough on friendships.

That's why the whole sister thing
comes in so handy.

What are you doing?

It's a little chatty up here, so I'm
gonna go scry for evil in my room.

Scry?

Yeah.

Phoebe will explain.

I'll see you later.

It's kind of like
a supernatural LoJack.

Well, why don't you just use
that big book?

I mean, it is a book of spells, right?

Oh, it's a lot more than that.

It's kind of hard to explain.

It looks so old.

Yeah. It has survived a lot.

Fortunately, it protects
itself from evil.

It protects itself? How?

Magic.

May I?

Yeah. Technically, it's yours too.

I would walk you through it
right now,

but I have to go talk to Cole.

Well, maybe I can just
take it back to my office.

Oh, no, no. No.

It doesn't leave the house.

But just feel free
to thumb through it.

And then I'll be back
in a few minutes.

This could solve a lot of problems.

- What? What is it? What's wrong?
- You've got to talk to your wife.

Okay, Cole. Remember what I said
about being gentle?

- What about my wife?
- She's out of control.

Cole.

What?

It's just we're very worried
about her.

What happened?

She's very, very angry.

Well, of course she's angry.
She's grieving.

Right. And if she were
punching walls,

I would happily call a repairman.

The problem is she prefers
to punch demons.

- Well, I'll talk to her.
- She has no regard for her own life.

Or anyone else's.
She's Charles Bronson, cubed.

I said I'd talk to her.

Guys. Guys.

Who is Charles Bronson?

Never mind. We...

Can we please just have
a minute alone?

- Sure.
- Thank you.

It's not just that she's violent, Leo,
she's acting nothing like herself.

She's completely
dismissive of Paige, and...

I don't know what to do anymore.

Strange, isn't it?

Now on top of everything else,
you have to play the middle sister.

When you've always been the...

Screwup?

The youngest.

Yeah, I look at Paige and Piper,

and it makes me think back
to all those times

that Piper had to play mediator
between me and Prue.

Not a lot of fun, huh?

It's not a job I would've asked for.

And I'm not sure it's a job
I'm gonna be any good at, but...

I just... I don't have time
to really worry about it right now.

I'll talk to her.

Thanks, Leo.

Not to rush this tender moment,
but she's already started scrying.

I didn't mean
you couldn't use the stairs.

Okay, book. Protect yourself.

Paige? I'll be right up.

- Where's the fire?
- Oh, you know, work.

Lunch break's over. Gotta go.

But we didn't even get to talk.

Oh, yeah. It's all right. Don't worry.

Will you come by later?

Sure. Yeah, absolutely.

Bye.

Bye.

Look, honey...

...it isn't just that it's dangerous.

Leo, whitelighters are supposed
to guide, not judge.

Just because I'm doing things
a little bit differently

doesn't mean
that there is a problem.

Piper, I'm your husband...

...not just your whitelighter.

And when you speak to me like that,
there is a problem.

I can't help you
unless you talk to me.

It hurts to talk, Leo.

It hurts to breathe.

So unless you have some idea
of how to bring Prue back,

I don't wanna talk right now.

Is that what you don't wanna say?

Is that you still blame me
for not being able to bring her back?

No, Leo. I don't blame you.

I blame evil.

Why...? Why do you think
I am doing all of this?

- For kicks?
- Honestly?

I think you're doing it
because it's easier

than confronting
what you're really feeling.

- Demon.
- What?

I have work to do.

Cole, Phoebe, let's go.

Nothing like a copy room
with a view.

Hey, Clearasil.

What's popping?

Don't worry about him, Billy.
He's a jerk to everybody.

Yeah, I know.

That's why his mail gets lost.

Frequently.

Hey, is there something wrong
with this copier?

The copier? I don't think so.

I just ran off a whole bunch.

Everything keeps coming up blank.

Are you trying to copy a book?

No. It's nothing. It's cool.

Well, if you need me to do it for you,
just say the word.

Thanks. You're sweet.

Let the object of objection
Become but a dream

As I cause the seen
To be unseen

- You okay, Billy?
- Yeah.

I just... I got a little head rush.

Oh, my God. It worked.

Oh, my God.

Paige? Is everything okay?

It will be from now on.

Piper, Cole and I do not
support you in this.

If you insist on doing it,
you're going in alone.

Okay, I'll see you at home.

I told you that wouldn't work.

- It was worth a shot.
- Wait a minute.

Do you smell smoke?

It's in there.

Stop. Stop. No...

Get back, I'll blow it up.

Go on.

- Piper?
- Yeah, yeah.

Crap.

Okay.

Piper.

- What?
- Cole.

Piper, let them go.

They're... They're immune
to my powers.

Unfortunately, Cole isn't.

- Piper, unfreeze him.
- What if I blow him up?

Cole.

I'm gonna take out those
chain-smoking bitches

if it's the last thing I do.

It might be the last thing you do.

That's very supportive, Cole.
Whose side are you on?

At the moment,
I'm on Phoebe's side.

Well, the last time I checked,
Phoebe was still my sister,

which technically puts her
on my side.

- Why are we arguing?
- We're not arguing.

We're discussing, Piper.
You are arguing.

- And look, you're already hurt.
- I'm fine.

- You can't stop coughing.
- And your control over your powers

seems to be getting worse,
not better.

Well, our powers
are tied to our emotions,

so it makes sense that they
would be a little off right now.

All the more reason to lay low.
These demons are dangerous.

All the more reason
to vanquish them, okay?

That is what we do. Eliminate evil.

Regardless of the consequences.
Now you sound like Prue.

Okay, Cole, I'm going to vanquish
the cancer girls

with or without your help.

So either tell me what you know,
or get out of the way.

They're called Furies.

- Like from mythology?
- The dog-faced women from hell?

They're modern knockoffs.
Their m. o. is the same, though.

- They punish evildoers?
- Exactly.

Wait. Wouldn't that
make them good?

Well, these Furies
have no temperance.

They'll go after a shoplifter
as soon as a murderer,

and they take
great pleasure in the kill.

Great. Then we'll take
great pleasure in the vanquish.

What aren't you telling us?

So they go after evildoers.
Have they attacked you before?

When they focus
their thoughts on you,

they force you to hear the cries
of all your former victims.

You're not the demon
who did those things anymore.

Evil got the Book of Shadows.

How did evil
get the Book of Shadows?

- Oh, no.
- Oh, no, Phoebe?

A demon has
the Book of Shadows.

"Oh, no" doesn't quite cover it.

- Let me go see what I can find out.
- No, wait.

Piper?

Promise me you're not
gonna overreact.

Is that even possible?

I think that maybe...

Well, it might...
Might be feasible that...

...Paige borrowed the Book.

What? Why...? Why...?

Why would you think that?

See, now, this is what I meant
about overreacting.

- It's just that I...
- You let Paige

take the Book of Shadows
out of the manor?

Well, no, I did not let her.
It's just, she left pretty quick...

- ... and it looks like she might have...
- Out of the window?

- Piper, I am...
- Phoebe, why would you

even leave her alone with it?

Well, because she's our sister.

Not for long.

- Are you coming?
- To vanquish your sister?

I think I'll sit this one out.

It's unbelievable.

Maybe it was the light
from the copy machine.

God, this day is amazing.

- I mean, you went and got cute.
- You think?

Totally. And then my car loan comes
through, like, out of nowhere.

My credit is worse than Paige's.

- You know, I still can't believe all this.
- This is amazing.

Sir, I am taking full responsibility
for being late with the application.

I'm simply asking
for a deadline extension.

Well, I can't give you a deadline...

Well, I'm asking that you
not punish Adam O'Brien,

who's already had
a tough enough life, for my mistake.

Someone has to straighten
this thing out.

Sir, all I'm saying is...

These words will travel
Through the minds

Of stubborn parties and unbind

The thoughts too rigid to be kind
A compromise they'll disentwine

How does 6;00 on Friday sound?

Six o'clock Friday is perfect.

Thank you so much.

- Victory.
- You got the extension?

- Yeah.
- Unbelievable.

You're into all that
witchy stuff, right?

- Excuse me?
- Well, I'm just thinking

that there must be something
in the stars today.

I mean, Billy's face,
my car, now this.

Is there a full moon or something?

I don't know, but whatever it is,

I'm gonna call my student-loan sharks
and take full advantage of it.

Oh, good. Me too.

You know, Paige, as a lawyer,

I could get those nasty creditors
off your back so easily.

And if you can't afford to pay me,

I could always
just take it out in trade.

Or I could just sue your ass
for sexual harassment.

And pay you with my big fat
punitive settlement.

The way you dress?

The judge would admire
my restraint.

That's it.

Perfect. I'll just change "demon"
to "dirtbag. "

I don't understand
how someone can be that stupid.

I don't understand why
you haven't stopped ranting

since we left the house.

You're right. You're right. I'm sorry.

- Yes, Paige made a mistake.
- A mistake?

- She stole from us.
- She borrowed. Borrowed.

She... She threw our family heritage
out of the window.

Well, that's because we never took
the time to explain its significance.

It was just a book to her.

Okay, Phoebe, it is not just a book.

It's like... It is like part of our family.

Paige is not a killer.
She didn't kill anyone.

And she's not a demon
that we're on our way to vanquish.

- I get that, Phoebe.
- Do you?

Because I don't think that you do.

- You all right...?
- Hey.

Get away from me. Hey.

- What the hell is going on?
- This is not funny.

Oh, Donnie. Give mama some sugar.

Who's the man? You are.

You are so...

...busted?

Hello.

You stole our sacred book

so you could perform magical
plastic surgery on yourself?

You think I did this on purpose?

My body was perfectly fine
just as it was, thank you.

I mean it. Get away from me!

Piper, you could've just blown up
a dozen innocent people.

- I took a chance.
- See? Are you listening to yourself?

- What happened?
- I don't know. They just grew.

Oh, right. And you had
nothing to do with that.

Did you cast any spells?

One.

- Five.
- Five?

Okay, what did you do just before
you turned into Betty Boop?

Well, I cast a spell on the slimeball
I work with

so I could give him a taste
of his own medicine.

That the slimeball?

And that's the backfire.

- Backfire?
- You misused magic

to make him the object of ogling,

and the spell backfired
and did the same thing to you.

Which you would've learned
if you had bothered to ask,

but now, instead
of vanquishing demons,

we're gonna have to spend
the afternoon fixing your mess.

Okay, Piper, call Leo and get him
to orb this slimeball back home.

We have to protect him until we can
figure out a way to reverse the spell.

Paige and I will grab the Book
and meet you there.

Are my boobs gonna stay
this way forever?

Not if I can ever find the spell.

What about Piper?

She gonna stay mad at me forever?

No. It's just...

...she hasn't really
been herself lately.

You know, a lot of ups and downs...

...since Prue...
You know? Like us all.

The last thing I wanted to do
was add to your guys' stress.

I just wanted to get back at Donnie.

Yeah, and I understand
the temptation, Paige. I really do.

But I told you, the Book
does not leave the house.

Right. Sorry.

My boobs are in the way.

Can you put it into third for me?

All right. Ready? Here we go.

All right.

Did you find the spell yet?

No, but I found the demons.

- Oh, my God.
- What?

You can't say "demons" followed
by "Oh, my God. " I'm new at this,

- I'm likely to panic.
- Okay.

Fury smoke kills bad guys, right?

But in good people, it looks
for a portal of unexpressed fury.

- And?
- It builds until it consumes

your humanity,
and it turns you into a Fury.

We fought the Furies today.

Piper got smoked.

Wait. Are you saying
that Piper is turning into a demon?

It wouldn't be the first time.

Step on it and hit the clutch.
I'm going into fourth. Ready?

On three. One, two, three.

Easy, Piper.

What, are you protecting him now?

What the hell's going on?

And what's with the chicks?
They've gone crazy.

This chick just saved your ass,
you snivelling ingrate.

- Do you see what I mean?
- Who said you could get up?

- What's the matter with you?
- Oh, my God.

Okay, honey, look.
I don't know what's going on,

but we really need to talk.

Leo, you know what?

I'm sick of talking.

Now we really need to talk.

Piper, you do not use your powers
on a mortal, do you hear me?

Back away slowly, Leo.

What?

She's becoming a Fury.

There's no reasoning with her now.

Piper, you're a good witch.
Do you hear me? Fight this.

Oh, God, help.

No!

Cole.

I... Well...

That wasn't very nice.

Cole hit her with an energy ball.

Leo, it was low voltage.

Would you prefer
he'd let her kill an innocent?

I'd prefer that he wouldn't use
his demonic powers on my wife.

I can't believe that you let him
go look for her.

This is all my fault. I shouldn't have
stolen the Book of Shadows.

- You stole the Book of Shadows?
- Leo.

Leo, concentrate, please.

I just hope he finds her fast,

because if this is anything
like the time I turned into a banshee,

- she's gonna be hungry for a kill.
- I'm sorry. A banshee?

Yeah, a demonic screamer.
Kind of trampy, feeds on pain.

I think I need to sit down.

- Paige.
- What?

You only said I couldn't use magic
to punish him.

Okay, Leo.

You orb Donnie back to his office.

Heal him there, then make sure he
doesn't narc us out for being witches.

- How?
- I don't know. Be creative.

What about Piper?

You have to do your job,
and let us do ours.

We'll get your wife back.
I promise.

I hate to ask, but how are we
going to get his wife back?

I mean, she's kind of
a full-on demon.

No, she's not full-on.
She doesn't have the talons yet.

That probably comes
with the first kill.

Besides, if we were able to save her
when she turned into a Wendigo...

A Wendi-what?

A Wendigo.

It's kind of like a werewolf,
only meaner.

Is this the spell that you used?

Is there some sort of spell I could do,
you know, in advance

so I could not become,
maybe, a banshee or...

What word did you
sub "demon" with?

"Dirtbag. "

"Dirtbag. "

Okay.

Hand.

Guided spirits, hear our plea

Annul this magic, let it be

Please let it be.

Do you think it worked
a little too well?

- Leave me...
- Shut up!

I've been looking for you.

- Damn it.
- Why isn't it working?

Because Piper
isn't a witch anymore.

Well, can't you just
scry for evil then?

Do you have any idea how much evil
is running around San Francisco?

Damn it, Piper.

Cole. Thank God.

- Don't thank him yet.
- You didn't find her?

I didn't get a chance to look.
Every time I used my sensing powers,

a bounty hunter sensed me.
I fought off three of them.

- I'm sorry.
- No, it's... It's okay.

Somehow everything's
gonna be okay.

I don't have even a little idea
how everything's gonna be okay.

- Phoebe.
- You know why? Because nothing

- is okay.
- Phoebe?

My sister is a Fury,
my boyfriend is a demon...

- Oh, baby. You're bleeding.
- Phoebe.

Didn't you say you found me because
Piper cast a spell to find a lost witch?

Yes, but I also said
that Piper's not a witch anymore.

Yes, but if I could substitute
the word "dirtbag" for "demon,"

why can't we substitute
the word "sister" for "witch"?

Would that work?

Well, no. Not if she's
already looking for a kill.

- The call won't be strong enough.
- Why not?

Because of the pull of evil.

When I was possessed
by the Woogie,

- the blood lust was so strong.
- Woogie?

- Don't ask.
- The point is...

...I don't think she'll answer the call.

Then we'll add bait.

No. No, are you kidding me? No.

The Furies go after evildoers, right?

Paige, we are not using
the love of my life as bait.

Yes, we are. It's perfect.

Cole, you have been a demon
for over a century.

That is a lot of victims. The pain
of their cries alone can kill you.

But as you said, I'm not the demon
who did those things anymore.

And if facing my crimes
helps save your sister...

- Cole, I...
- Phoebe...

I would do almost anything
for you, you know that.

But I will not be a coward for you.
Please don't ask me to be.

We'll need some of your blood.

Right.

Knife.

- Power of the sisters rise
- Power of the sisters rise

- Course unseen across the skies
- Course unseen across the skies

- Come to us who call you near
- Come to us who call you near

- Come to us and settle here
- Come to us and settle here

- Blood to blood, I summon thee
- Blood to blood, I summon thee

- Blood to blood, return to me
- Blood to blood, return to me

I know where evil dwells.

You sure about this?

I'm good at a lot of things.
Waiting is not one of them.

Honey, what are you doing?

I'm trying to do that orb thingy.

I can't seem to get
the hang of it, though.

- What happened?
- You orbed.

- I did?
- It's a fear response.

So until you learn how to control it,
you just have to...

- Get scared?
- Pretty much.

All right.

- Well, that shouldn't be too difficult.
- Good.

Then we will orb, we will levitate,

we will juggle knives if we have to,

just to keep the Furies
distracted from Cole.

Okay, but what I don't get is how we
un-demon Piper once she gets here.

Well, we have to close the portal
of unexpressed fury.

Unexpressed? I think
she's been raging for days.

That's because there's something
she's not saying.

- Which is?
- I don't know.

But I think I have an idea.

They're close.

Paige.

I did it again.

Sorry. I'm so sorry.

Phoebe.

Nice decoy, Piper. Two points.

Cole.

Cole.

Come on.

Lamp.

Sorry.

Really sorry.

Cole is not your problem, Piper,
and you know it.

Book.

Please let there be
something in here.

Cole, don't.

You think I abandoned you.

You think it's my fault
that Prue died.

You blame me. So just admit it.

You don't wanna kill me, Piper.
You don't even know me.

You okay?

It's not about me.
It's not about Phoebe.

Leo.

Phoebe's not the sister
who abandoned you.

- It's Prue.
- Leo, do something.

Where did he take them?

To what Piper's really angry at.

Tell her, Piper.
It's all right to hate her.

You should hate her.

When my parents died,
I hated them for it.

I was alone, and I hated them.

It is okay to hate Prue.

How dare you!

How dare you leave me?

How could you go and die
and leave me here all alone?

Please come back.

I need you. Please come back.

It's okay. It's okay, honey.

It's not okay.

She risked her life every day.

She never thought about
what would happen

to me and Phoebe
if she was gone.

I know.

How could she think
that I could live without her?

Did you sleep?

Yeah. Actually,
better than I have in a while.

It's quiet, isn't it?

Early and late.

It's just really, really quiet.

Prue was always the first one up,

and the last one down.

It's strange,
the things that you miss.

So...

...how scary was I?

Heck, I've seen worse.

I've been worse.

But...

...about Paige.

- She completely freaked.
- No. She handled it.

Better than most people would,
I think.

She saved your life.

She definitely is a Halliwell.

Last name or no.

I know I haven't been
the most welcoming.

I just...

I miss Prue so much.

It's hard to imagine opening up
to someone else.

With everything that happens
in our lives,

love just feels like an invitation
for more pain.

So maybe...

...maybe you don't start with love.

Maybe you just start with "Thanks. "

South Bay Social Services.

Muffins.

Thanks.

Busywork. I'm best in the kitchen.

Prue was the one
that liked to chase demons.

Man, he's like a whole new Donnie.

What did Leo say to him?

I don't know.

He's a miracle worker,
that husband of mine.

So how are you?

I've had bad hours,

and hours that aren't quite so bad.

I guess you know how it is.

Yeah.

When my parents died,
there were some days

I didn't think I'd survive the sadness.

It'll never be okay
that she's gone, Piper.

But I promise it will get better.

You know, Leo could fix that for you.

It's my first war wound.
I think I'll wear it with pride.

Unfortunately, in this family,
it will not be the last.

Well, every family
has its pros and its cons.

A couple of demon battles
in exchange for the power

to clear up my friend's skin,
I'd say it's worth it.

The power to what?

He's cute, isn't he?

You should've seen him yesterday.

Okay, you saved my life.

So I guess we're even on
the Book of Shadows swipe.

But, Paige, there are rules
to being a witch.

Rules that you will have to
learn and follow.

Well, not to be difficult,
but you're married to our whitelighter,

and Phoebe's shacking up
with a demon,

so on balance,
maybe my friend could stay cute?

Okay.

My, my, my.

That pile looks about the same size
as it did about an hour ago.

Oh, that was my fault.

I distracted her with muffins.

And you are...?

I'm her sister.