Charmed (1998–2006): Season 4, Episode 18 - Bite Me - full transcript

Paige! Where are you?

Look out!

Hurry.

Claws of pain we have to sever
Demon, you are gone forever

Sorry to bother you,
but she was immune to my powers.

That's okay, I was just
getting ready to leave work.

- Oh, honey, you're hurt.
- It's okay. It's just a scratch.

So how's it going?
How's the new place?

Great and great.

- How about you?
- Can't complain.

Ditto.



Well, it's good to know
that we can live apart

and still kick some butt
if we have to, right?

So do I wanna ask about this demon
with the bad manicure?

A Harpy, part of a faction.

Tried to kill us to move up
in the world, you know.

Pretty standard stuff.

You wanna stay for dinner?

I would love to,

but Cole is planning this whole
romantic thing for us tonight.

Yeah, I just thought, you know,
maybe we could talk.

Why? Are you okay?
Is everything okay?

Yeah. Everything's fine. I just thought
maybe we could catch up.

Another time.

Do you want me to orb you home?



No. Cole's not so crazy about you
orbing in without calling first.

Except for emergencies, you know?

- You understand.
- Sure.

Whatever.

Okay. I'm gonna go.

I'll call you guys.

No orbing?

Don't start
with the suspicions, Paige.

Cole's probably just trying
to protect their privacy.

He's trying to protect something.

I'm just trying to protect our assets.

And the only way to do that
is to cut our losses,

consolidate our resources.

Keep the competition
from killing you.

Us.

- Fine, what are you proposing?
- A merger.

Everyone here
has similar agendas, right?

So why don't we work together
to accomplish them?

You're late. Sit down.

Where was l?

You were just encouraging us
to hold hands and be friends.

It's a new millennium.

We need to think in new ways
to ensure our own survival.

Let's face it, it's a
demon-eat-demon world out there.

Each one of you leads a faction.

But that is the problem.

You're too busy
trying to kill each other.

In the end, everyone loses.

Tell that to the Grimlocks.

They tried to vanquish us
just last week.

You had it coming.

Care to try again?

My point exactly.

Infighting has always been
our undoing.

And I have learned
from the humanity in me.

The only way for us to defeat good

is to work together
to achieve common goals.

And who will decide
what these goals are?

You?

Unless someone
wants to challenge me.

Meeting's adjourned.

Hi, honey. You're home early.

Vegetarian egg-white omelette,
just the way you like it.

That's sweet, honey, but I think
my stomach has other plans.

- What's the matter?
- Headache, upset stomach.

- It's going around right now.
- So maybe you should call in sick?

While so many relationships
are in peril?

What would San Francisco do
without my advice column?

I gotta go.

I wanna invite my sisters over
for dinner this week.

- Is that okay?
- Well, we just moved out.

Yeah, I know, but I wanna
show them the place.

Besides, I don't want them to think

that they're not still
part of my life, you know?

Fine, just no orbing, all right?

Already taken care of.

- What happened?
- Oh, nothing.

My shoulder just got in the way
of a Harpy's claw, that's all.

A Harpy? You got attacked?
Why didn't you tell me?

I didn't think it was that
big a deal. That's why.

Well, it is to me.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

It's just...

I think I deserve to know
when my wife gets hurt.

You're right. You do.

Excuse me, Mr. Turner?

Your 9:00 is waiting in the lobby.

Julie, what are you doing here?

You didn't tell me she was here.

Well, we're working
out of the apartment today.

They're painting my office.
You don't mind, do you?

No. No, of course not.

Make yourself at home.

I will, thank you.

Pretty little witch,
if you're into that sort of thing.

I am.

Get the leader of the Harpies.

I want to explain to her the
consequences of attacking my wife.

You don't really expect me
to wage war on the new Source

without even talking
to him first, do you?

It's a waste of time.
He'll never bring you back from exile.

He's heard the stories
of what you did.

That was a different time
and a different Source.

Still, it's not going to happen.

I wouldn't be here
if I wasn't sure of that.

Then what makes working for us
any better than working for him?

You ought to listen better.
I don't work for anyone.

We'd be equals, partners.

And once The Source is dead,
we'd go our separate ways.

So?

I'll let you know...

...when I'm ready.

I want you to offer
the new Source an olive branch.

And if he refuses?

Then Keats has a new ally,
and we have a new enemy.

Go.

Plenty of leftovers.

Probably won't have to do
any cooking for a week.

I like to cook.

Well, there's less dishes to do,
and that's a good thing, right?

I guess.

It's just with Phoebe and Cole gone,
it's so quiet around here.

Everybody I grew up with is gone.

Still, we can make it noisy again

with kids, people who will
grow up with us.

We have an extra room now, right?

Right.

Sorry. Am I interrupting?

Actually, I need to get going.

There's an upsurge
in demonic activity

and the Elders wanna
figure out why.

Well, since that demonic activity
spilled into our living room last night,

I'm assuming it has something
to do with us.

Well, keep an eye out, and I'll
let you know if I find anything out.

- I love you.
- I love you too.

You okay?

Me? Yeah, I'm fine.

Liar.

Look, I know I am not Phoebe,
but I am still your sister,

and you can talk to me, you know.

It's-- It's just silly.

My period was late this month
by a couple of days.

And I guess I got
my hopes up a little.

That's not silly, honey.
You want kids, right?

Yeah, of course.

It's just that we've been trying, and--

- For a couple of months.
- Four. But who's counting?

Oh, Piper, you're not
baking cookies, you know?

It's gonna take some time.

Yeah, I know. I guess
I was just worried that,

you know,
something could be wrong.

Getting flung around by demons isn't
exactly conducive to making babies.

Okay, A, you're gonna have kids.
You saw that in your future.

And B, I am living proof
that magic happens

when whitelighters
and witches get together.

So the sooner you stop
worrying about it,

the sooner I will be an aunt.

- Thanks.
- You're welcome.

The leader of the Harpies
won't be coming to see you.

I'm afraid things
got out of hand for her.

Nice work.

- What's next?
- Rowan's waiting to see you.

Apparently, the queen
would like in on the new alliance.

Send him in.

He'll see you now.

Thank you for the audience.

- The queen sent me to tell you--
- Tell your queen

that if she steps a foot
inside my realm,

she'll beg me to banish her again.

Sent me to tell you
that we've learned our lesson,

and we're willing to serve you.

No, thanks. I already have
enough demons betraying me.

You haven't even heard our offer.

I think you should be leaving now.

- Paige.
- I just thought I'd pop in.

- From where?
- The kitchen.

- I'm not interrupting anything, am l?
- No. We're done here.

Elevator's that way, Rowan.

What the hell
do you think you're doing?

This is exactly why I don't want
you people orbing in here.

You people? Nice.

- What do you want?
- Phoebe.

I think Piper needs to talk to her.

Well, you missed her.

But why don't you orb on over
to the newspaper.

I'm sure those journalists
can keep a secret.

Just tell her I stopped by, okay?

And dare I ask, why is it so dark
in here in the middle of the day?

Migraine, which
you're only adding to.

You know what, Cole, just bite me.

After you.

Nice guy, huh?

Cole.

- You a lawyer?
- No.

Why?

Because only another lawyer
would think that.

No, I was being sarcastic.

About being a lawyer?

No, about thinking
he was a nice guy.

- Sorry.
- No.

- I'm Rowan.
- Paige.

- Yeah.
- Nice to meet you.

- So how long have you disliked Cole?
- Ever since I first met him.

You?

Pretty much just recently,
ever since he married my sister.

Do you have any siblings?

Oh, yeah. My family's real big.

Then you know what it's like
to have to bite your tongue.

Been there, done that.

Listen, I'd like to continue this,
but we've just run out of floors.

Any chance we could get together?

Well, my sister-- My other sister
owns this nightclub called P3.

And I'll be there later
if you wanna stop by.

- I'll drop in.
- Okay.

- Are you coming?
- Oh, no, underground parking.

You're certain of her identity?

She's the sister
of The Source's new bride.

That makes her a Charmed One.

This might be our lucky day.

And you said meeting with
the new Source would be useless.

He refused your offer, didn't he?

Yes, but he gave us something
much more valuable instead.

If we can get
a Charmed One on our side,

we can use her magic to take over
the underworld before The Source can.

We can destroy him
and anyone else who opposes us.

Yeah, but she's a witch.
They don't change sides on a whim.

Oh, I think I can get her
to see things our way.

With your permission, of course.

By all means.
Take whomever you need.

Your mystery man
still pulling a disappearing act?

I can't believe he stood me up.

Well, I'm glad
I'm not dating anymore.

Yeah, well,
I should've known better

than to think I could
meet a guy through Cole.

Paige, I have two words for you:
Broken and record.

If you keep this up, you're just gonna
end up pushing Phoebe further away.

She's right.

- That's more than two words.
- Hi.

Do I still get free drinks here
or do I have to pay now?

You don't look so good.
Are you okay?

That's partly why I'm here.

I thought it was just a bug,
and now I'm not so sure.

So I'm wondering if maybe
it has something to do with,

you know, the scratch.

Maybe you're turning into a Harpy.

Oh, God. Are you?

Well, that's how Piper turned into
a Wendigo. Or is it the Fury?

I've turned into so many things,
I can't keep track.

You know, I wouldn't worry.
You can't turn into a Harpy

just by getting scratched.

Yeah, but still.
Do you mind--? You know.

Hey, hey, hey.

A little discretion in public.

Hey.

- Feel any better?
- A little, I think.

So any word from the Elders
on what's going on?

- No, not yet.
- Why? What's going on?

A lot of bad guys,
apparently, more than usual.

- Should we be worried?
- Nope. Not until after dinner.

- You want to join us?
- Okay, sure. Why not?

I'm not gonna go.

I don't want Rowan thinking
I was waiting for him

if he shows up this late.

God forbid. You buying?

You kidding?

Phoebe, I think you should try
to find a moment to talk to Piper.

- Why, is something wrong?
- No, not really.

I just think she could use
your support about something.

That's why I orbed over
to your place this morning to talk to--

Wait! You orbed to my place?

After I specifically asked you not to?
Paige, what were you thinking?

I was just trying to help Piper.

- Was Cole upset?
- A little.

A lot.

Great, Paige. Just great.

I was just trying to help.

So am I the weirdest case
you've ever seen?

I don't know. I've worked
the night shift for a while now.

Seen some pretty strange things.

Yeah, but these were bats, doc.

Paige! Paige!
Oh, my God. Are you okay?

- What happened?
- Bats. Lots of bats.

- You the sisters?
- Yeah. Is she gonna be all right?

Honestly, if she hadn't been found
by somebody in time,

she might have bled to death.

- But she's gonna be okay?
- Yes.

After some rest and rabies shots.

You got attacked by bats
outside of my club?

That can't be natural. Can it?

Well, bat bites aren't completely
unheard of in the city.

I have a friend over at County

who treated one
a couple of months ago.

Right, but these were bats. Plural.

I'll be right back. Excuse me.

Sounds more natural
than supernatural to me.

- Yeah. Well, I'm thinking vampires.
- Vampires? That'd be different.

- No, that's not possible.
- Why not?

Well, because as far as I know,
vampires attack in human form

and not as a swarm of bats.
You know, it's gotta be something else.

True. Vampires have been ostracised
from the underworld for centuries.

As far as I know, they're a part
of a whole different network now.

I'm sorry, Lisa here
is gonna draw some blood

so we can run some tests.

- That mean I can go home?
- Well, I don't see why not.

I'm gonna get you started
on antibiotics

and then schedule the first
of the rabies shots in the morning.

Okay, now make a fist.

Relax your hand now.

I'm almost done.

- You okay?
- Yeah, as long as I don't look.

I didn't mean you.

Phoebe?

Damn it. Where is she?

What about the Grimlocks?

The Grimlocks?
You think they attacked her?

If they did, I'll crush their skulls
with my bare hands.

Who said romance was dead?

We were talking about
who we could trust, remember?

Grimlocks, yea or nay?

Sorry. Yeah.

Grimlocks are okay.

Keats is the only one I don't trust.

- That's gotta be her.
- I could only hope.

- Phoebe?
- Hi, honey.

Are you all right? I called your cell.
You didn't pick up.

Yeah, well, that's probably
because I was unconscious.

- What? Did a demon hurt you?
- No, it was nothing like that.

I just-- I fainted.

- Fainted?
- Yeah, it was no big deal.

Why do people gotta keep
their high beams on?

Phoebe, people
just don't faint for no reason.

Well, I've been pretty rundown,
and the doctor said I might be anaemic.

He took some blood
to make sure that's all it is.

Well, maybe you ought to get Leo
to check the Harpy scratch in case--

I already did and he said
there's nothing to worry about.

Besides, we have bigger
demonic issues

that we have to deal with right now.
Paige was bitten by a bunch of bats.

Bats? Are you sure?

- I'm sure he's all broken up about it.
- Yeah, she's okay.

Leo's gonna heal her
when we get home.

So you wanna meet us there?

I am home, Phoebe. You called me.

I meant the manor. I'm sorry.

I'm on my way.

You think it was Rowan?

He must've been trying to turn her--

You can't let them
get a Charmed One on their side.

- They'll be too powerful.
- Don't you think I know that?

Damn it.

Gather the faction leaders.

The queen wants a war.
She's got one!

- Where are you going?
- To the manor!

To help save Paige.

- "Manticore."
- Bites but doesn't fly.

- "Phoenix."
- Flies but doesn't bite.

- "Chupacabra."
- God bless you.

Flies and bites
but only attacks livestock.

What about shape-shifters?

What about this
being a waste of time?

Look at me. I'm fine.

Let's just call it a night.

Paige, if you're tired, just go to bed.

We'll wake you up
if we find something.

Fine.

I'll be asleep.

She's a delight.

She's been through a lot.
She needs some rest.

Isn't there some way you can help us
narrow down the suspects?

With every demonic faction in town,
it makes it kind of hard.

Okay. So, what's going on?

Is there a demon convention
in San Francisco or what?

Yes, there is a demonic
electoral college.

They've called a meeting
and they're voting in a new Source.

- You think?
- Well, not the voting part. But maybe.

I mean, there's gotta be
somebody pretty powerful

that's bringing together
these factions.

- Which means--
- Evil may have a new leader.

- Cole.
- Honey, I came soon as I could.

I'll be fine. Don't worry.

- How's Paige? Where is she?
- She's sleeping. I healed her.

- Are you sure?
- Yeah. Why?

Do you know
what we're up against?

Bats that bite can only be
one thing, vampires.

No, we ruled them out.
It doesn't seem like their m.o.

Have you ever seen a vampire?

No, but I've read about them.

Well, I've dealt with them.

You can trust Anne Rice,
or you can trust me.

I think he might be right.

Wait, you dealt
with vampires as a demon?

How is that possible? I thought
they were pariahs in the underworld.

Well, I wasn't too picky
who I dealt with.

I didn't care that The Source
had banished them

- for selling him out to his enemies.
- Why attack a Charmed One now?

- What do they want?
- There must be a power struggle.

- Trying to overtake the underworld.
- By killing Paige?

No, by turning her into a vampire.

Paige?

Paige?

Where'd she go?

Oh, my God! Paige!

Watch out!

I ransacked the whole house,
and this is all I could find.

Okay. So, what do we do
about the holy water?

I can get some.

You know, that stuff's only gonna
help you fight off the vampires.

It's not gonna change Paige back.

Yeah, I'm working on that.

According to the Book,
if you kill a vampire queen,

then all her little vampires
die with her.

Really? Interesting.

They certainly don't like
to spread that around.

But that's not gonna work,
because then it'll kill Paige too.

No, not if she hasn't bitten anyone.

Apparently, the transformation
only takes place after blood is spilled

or in this case, sucked.

Okay, so we have to kill
the queen fast.

How do we vanquish her?

With the power of three.

Of course, can't anything be easy?

Oh, it gets worse.

Vampires are immune
to witch powers.

Well, I'll get the holy water once l
fill in the Elders about the new Source.

New Source?
There's a new Source?

Yeah, we think so.

- Any idea who it is?
- No, not yet.

Okay, let's just focus
on finding Paige.

So if you were undead,
where would you be?

- Cemetery?
- Right, let's go.

We don't got a lot of time.

We got a bunch of them
to check out--

Well, Phoebe...

...I don't want you to go.

- What?
- Well, it's too dangerous.

What happens if you faint again,
but this time in a vampire attack?

- Baby, that's not gonna happen.
- Well, how can you be sure?

I don't wanna lose you.

I don't wanna lose Paige.
I don't understand.

Weren't you just telling us
that we had to save Paige?

Well, yeah, but that was before
I had all the facts.

You need the power of three.

I'm sure Paige is not gonna be
in a rhyming mood.

So, what do you suggest?

That we let her spend eternity
as a vampire?

She's still my sister.

And that doesn't change
because I happen to be sick.

Or because I'm your wife.

The vampires are trying to convert
my wife's sister, a Charmed One.

I'm interpreting this
as an act of war against me.

Wait a second now.
Let's not overreact.

Maybe this is some kind
of a misunderstanding.

I don't misunderstand anything.

I want the vampires exterminated.

- Every last one of them.
- But vampires multiply too fast.

We could never get them all.

If we kill the queen,

they all die.

I've never heard that.
What's your source?

Are you questioning my orders?

No, of course not.

I want the queen.

Dispatch your forces.

Tell them to torture
any vampire they see.

Make them talk.

But don't forget

my wife is out there too.

Anyone lays a claw on her

will answer to me.

- Leave.
- As you wish.

What about the other sister?

Are you gonna let her die
with the queen?

It would eliminate
the Charmed Ones.

Phoebe would be devastated.

But I wouldn't be.

Sorry to interrupt you during dinner.

That's all right, I've had better.

- Is she here then?
- Just arrived.

She's perfect.

She'll fit right in.

I thought you'd like her.

Are you hungry, my dear?

Famished.

That's wonderful.

Now, for your first meal,

I have two savoury victims in mind.

Here you are.

Anything for you, my queen.

I want you to go back
to your sisters, Paige.

Take a taste of your own blood.

It will seal your conversion
and turn them as well.

That's genius.

With the power of three
on our side,

The Source will be no match for us.

My sisters are very powerful.

They won't join us willingly.

I don't think I can do it alone.

Oh, my darling. Look around you.

That's what families are for.

What are you doing here, Keats?

- I have to get a message to the queen.
- Well, why don't you take it yourself?

Because someone
might be following me.

Tell her she needs
to leave town fast.

- The Source is--
- The Source is what?

Where's the queen, Keats?

You can vanquish me if you want,
but I'm not telling you anything.

Do you really think that
vanquishing you is the worst I can do?

So let's try this again.

Where is the vampire queen?

They're not here.

They must be looking for you.

Do-gooders.

I was hoping to get this over with.

Now, just relax.

You're only innocent once.

But I'm starving.

I feel like I've been waiting
for this moment my whole life.

- What are you smiling at?
- I was just thinking of my first time.

Tell me about it.

It's better than you
can possibly imagine.

Danger, excitement,

the warm glow you feel afterwards.

There's nothing like it.

How many have you had?

I don't keep track.

The faces all fade away.
It's the taste you remember.

And what was l, just fast food?

Oh, hardly.

Just relax. Clear your mind.

You are a hunter now.

You have the ability
to find your prey.

I don't understand.

You will.

Close your eyes...

...and focus.

I know where they are.

Oh, you're a natural.

Tell the queen to expect company.

Hey, wait!

Hey! Wait!
We just wanna talk to you.

What is going on?

That's the fourth demon tonight
to run away from us.

Well, maybe word got out
that we killed The Source?

- The old Source.
- You had to mention that, didn't you?

I don't get it. We've been
chasing demons all night,

searching cemeteries all night,
and no freaking vampires.

This is ridiculous.

We gotta figure out something else
before the sun comes up.

What's the matter? You okay?

Yeah, just a little dizzy.

Those tombstones
aren't actually moving, are they?

Phoebe, this is not funny.

Maybe this is more
than just being rundown.

Maybe you're pregnant.

That is funny.

Actually, it's not so funny.

I went to the drugstore. I got a test.

I peed on a stick and I anxiously
awaited the results in two minutes.

- And?
- And...

It was negative, thankfully.

Yeah. Well, mine was too.

You thought you were pregnant?

For about a minute and a half.

Oh, honey, I am so sorry.

No, it's okay. It's no big deal.

Yes, it is. To you it is.

Is this what you wanted
to talk to me about?

I had no idea.

- It's okay. I understand.
- No, it's not okay.

I left the manor, not the family.

I still want to be a part of your life.

All of it.

You sure?

You come over here.

- Don't I get a hug?
- Paige.

- How did you find us?
- We share the same blood, Piper.

I sniffed you out.

Paige, listen to me.

We can go back to the manor,

and we'll find something
to change you back.

- Hold it.
- Why you gotta be like that?

Now it's time
we really bond as sisters.

Paige, we are just trying
to help you, damn it!

Catch me if you can.

Okay, Leo, come on.
Come on. Orb.

Where are we? I can't see a thing.

Good.

Well, which one's Paige?

How should I know?

Welcome to our family.

Stay away from us,

or you'll get an eyeful of holy water
and a chest full of wood.

You'd only be delaying
the inevitable.

Now, why can't we do this
without a fight?

Paige, we're your sisters.
You're not a vampire yet.

We're offering immortal life.

An eternity together as sisters.

Now, isn't that preferable to death?

Are those our only two choices?

Because I prefer the scenario
where you die

and we get to stay human.

If you could have killed me,
you would've done so already.

We both know that.

- We gotta get out of here.
- Not without Paige.

Words will never
make them understand.

No, but they will.

Incoming!

Look out!

Leo, holy water!

Let's go!

Leo!

No, my babies!

Come before The Source kills us all.

We gotta get Paige.

The Source.

I should have bitten you.

Yeah. Well, bite this.

- What's going on?
- The queen must be dead.

Paige!

Paige?

In-laws.

Paige, thank God you're alive.

Are you all right?

- The Source.
- The Source?

- What do you mean?
- He was here.

Just now? You saw him?

The queen must have posed
a threat to him.

Well, that would explain
why he wanted to kill her.

But why not Paige or us?

I don't know.
Let's just count our blessings

and get the hell out of here.

You're up early.
Vampire nightmares?

Oddly enough, no.

Just some other thoughts.

Any you want to share?

You wouldn't be interested.

Try me.

They're about Cole.

I'm listening.

Okay, remember the guy
that stood me up?

How could l? I never met him.

Yeah, you did actually.

He was one of the vampires.

And I first met him at the penthouse.

He was there seeing Cole.

Now, I know what you're gonna say.

Maybe Cole didn't know
he was a vampire,

and we should probably give him
the benefit of the doubt.

And you're right, we should.

So then why do I get
the sinking feeling

that you might be on to something?

- You do?
- Well, it's just a lot of little things,

Iike him not wanting you to orb in,

- him not wanting us to--
- Save me?

Go after vampires.

I mean, I'm not saying
that he's a demon, okay?

Because we both know
that's not possible.

We both know anything is possible.

Okay. But what if we're wrong?

Then we lose Cole
and Phoebe forever.

We're not wrong.
Something is not right.

- Hello?
- Hi. It's Paige.

Paige? How are you feeling?

Human again, thank God.

Yeah, thank God.

Is Phoebe there?

She's still sleeping. Is it important?

I'll just call her later.

Who was that?

Oh, nobody. How you feeling?

Better.

Good.

Phoebe,

I'm never gonna be okay with you

chasing demons anymore.
You can't change that.

And you can't change the fact

that they're gonna
keep coming after me.

And that I have sisters
that need me.

- I understand.
- Do you?

Because yesterday,
it seemed like you didn't.

Well, I just don't want
anything to happen to you.

Ever.

Is that so bad?

No.

I'll be at work.

Hello? This is Phoebe Halliwell.

Hi, doctor.
Did the test results come in?

I'm what?

I double-checked
the results myself.

You're pregnant, Miss Halliwell.

Congratulations.

Miss Halliwell?

Miss Halliwell? Hello?