Charlie's Angels (1976–1981): Season 5, Episode 14 - Angel on a Roll - full transcript

Ted Markham has opened 12 different bank accounts under different names and wearing disguises, only to rob their ATM's in one fell stroke. Kris volunteers to get close to Markham and let him 'spend some of that money' on her in order to catch him. When Ted invites her to go to Vegas with him Kris accepts, and starts to grow fond of the charming thief. Meanwhile, an angry casino owner and his goon follow Marham and Kris, thinking they are are double act out to rob more casino's.


CHARLIE: Once upon a time,

there were three
beautiful girls.

Oh!

Two of them graduated
from the police academy.

The other graduated from
a top school for models.

And they each reaped the
rewards of their exciting careers.

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

But I took them away from all
that and now they work for me.

My name is Charlie.

Now, Mr. C, if
you'll just sign this.

(CHUCKLES)

Right... Right there.

Good, thank you.

Now, Mr. C, this
is the card you use

if you wish to withdraw
cash from your account

with our automatic teller
device out on the street.

You may withdraw up to $100.

Would you like me to
show you how it works?

Not necessary.

Well... (CHUCKLES)

If you have any problems, you
just feel free to call me, okay?

I am most grateful.

(LAUGHS)

(MACHINE BEEPING)

(MACHINE BEEPING)

CHARLIE: Angels, I'm afraid we're
facing a rather mind-boggling situation.

Twelve banks were hit, Charlie?

That's right, Kelly,
12 different banks.

Twelve different depositors

who used their cards to rip off
the automatic tellers machine.

And here is a list of the banks
and the names of the depositors.

Hmm.

What was the
total loss, Charlie?

A little more than a
quarter of a million,

about $20, 000 from each bank.

So 12 people were walking around
with $20,000 a piece in $100 bills?

Twelve men.

Ismail Stang, Oliver
Krupp, Ulysses Smith?

Very international group.

Who's our client
on this, Charlie?

The president of one of
the banks is a friend of mine,

and he's persuaded the other
bank presidents to hire us.

Okay, anybody have any ideas
of how to get a handle on this?

Well, there is one
common denominator here.

Which is?

That each of the
12 banks installed

the same make and
model of automatic teller,

which was the
Rancaway's model 541A.

Well, that means that at
least one of these 12 men

knew how to jimmy
that particular model.

Right.

I'm going to research
the Rancaway Corporation

while you four split up,

cover the 12 banks.

You mean hopefully get a
description of Sam Prong,

Arville Wilkes,
Montgomery Smith...

That is an odd-sounding group.

Odd but clever.

Okay Angels, stay in touch.

Well, what do you
say we press on,

meet back here for lunch
and compare notes, okay?

- Mmm-hmm.
- Okay.

Your depositor,
uh, Edward Waters,

can you remember
what he looked like?

Hmm... Yes.

Yes, as a matter of
fact, I do recall him.

Moderate build, yes.

Oh, about six feet.

Graying hair,

uh, mid 40s.

Rather distinguished
looking but odd sort of duck.

You've just described yourself.

Ah, but he was English!

Oh, English! Well,
how could you tell?

He spoke very properly, yes.

And he dressed English.

Smoked a pipe.

Yes, wore a plaid coat.

Funny hat.

- Bowler?
- I'm afraid I didn't ask him.

(CHUCKLES)

No, I mean his hat,
was it a bowler hat?

Ah, my, yes, I
believe that he did.

Well, uh, thank you very much.

Well, you're quite welcome,
I hope I've been helpful.

Yes, so do I.

- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.

You issued the automatic
tellers card to a Mr. C?

Yes.

Can you describe Mr. C?

Well, he couldn't hardly...

Couldn't hardly what?

See!

He wore very thick glasses.

Ah, how large a man was he?

Well, it was hard to tell, he
was stooped over quite a bit.

- Elderly?
- Yes.

With a goatee.

I hope you catch that old fox.

We'll try.

So tell me, Mr. Yamaguchi...

Uh, it is Yagamuchi.

"Yag" before "Mu".

Takeshigi Yagamuchi.

- Right.
- Right.

Uh, your depositor,
Morales Morales...

Uh, why do you keep
repeating yourself?

Well, uh, I'm not
repeating myself,

uh, that's his name, you see.

Senor Morales Morales.

(CHUCKLES) Odd name.

Yes.

Do you remember him?

I think I do.

Can you describe him?

Tall.

How tall?

Very tall, six feet.

Do you recall his complexion?

Pale.

Senor Morales Morales was pale?

Perhaps his hat was
too big, no sunlight.

He wore a somb... Somb...

Sombrero?

Sombrero.

You are repeating
yourself again.

Sorry.

Uh, do you remember
anything else about him?

- Mustache.
- Ah.

And did he have an accent?

I did not notice.

(PHONE RINGS)

Yes?

He's here.

For you.

Ah, thank you.

Hello?

Yes.

All right, I'll be right there.

Well, thank you very much.

You've been very
helpful, very helpful.

(CHUCKLES) Sorry.

BOSLEY: Food's here!

Ah, how'd it go?

Learn anything
about our dirty dozen?

- They're an odd group, Bosley.
- Very odd.

A most unlikely gang of thieves.

Yeah, well, we just may
have a line on their leader.

A fellow by the name
of Ted Markham.

Name doesn't ring a bell.

Well, Ted Markham is a
computer electronics genius

who, for the past two years,

worked for the
Rancaway Corporation.

He designed their
automatic teller, the 541A.

So far Mr. Markham hasn't
broken the law, Bosley.

He also installed the 541A

in each of the 12 banks
that was robbed last night.

Still not against the law.

And this morning, Mr. Markham quit
his job at the Rancaway Corporation.

Well, a lot of people
quit their jobs, Bos.

Yes, I know, but don't all of these
coincidences make you terribly suspicious?

Well, it's suspicious, but hardly a
case to take to the District Attorney.

I agree.

But most of these $100 bills
have sequential serial numbers.

So the moment that we catch
Mr. Markham squandering said bills,

we nail him.

The moment "we" catch?

Well, actually,

Charlie's idea was that just one of you
three lovelies would take the assignment.

You mean Mr. Markham should
squander some of those bills on one of us?

Mmm-hmm, that's the plan.

Here's a photo of Mr. Markham

that the head of personnel at
Rancaway Corporation sent over.

Well now, this case might
have possibilities after all.

Mmm, not bad.

- Uh, Bosley?
- Mmm?

You can tell Charlie
I'll take the assignment.

- Well...
- Hey! Wait a minute,

don't we get to vote
on this or something?

Well, I vote that, uh, Mr. Markham
spends some of those bills on me.

I would say that you two
have been out-maneuvered.

You're right, Kelly.

This case has
definite possibilities.

Charlie, we've been in front
of this apartment for two hours.

So far, Mr. Markham hasn't
gotten out to greet the day.

Did Kelly and Julie
have any luck?

So far, they can learn nothing
about the names on that list.

All 12 depositors have
post office boxes for mailing.

- No addresses?
- Or phone numbers.

You know, Charlie,
it occurs to me...

Wait a minute,

I think Mr. Markham
is up and about.

I'll get back to you later.

- If you need any help...
- I'll get to you.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

You drinking?

Scotch rocks and, uh, whatever
the gentleman would like.

(INAUDIBLE)

The gentleman doesn't
drink while he's gambling.

What's your friend
got on his wrists?

(CHUCKLES)

Any fellow that won't let me
buy him a drink is no friend.

Open.

Not me.

- How about you?
- I'll open.

- 100.
- I'll see it.

Oh.

Everybody's in.

How many?

- Two.
- Two for you.

And three for you.

One for you.

I'll take two.

Mmm-hmm.

All right.

I'll stay.

MARKHAM: Aces.

DEALER: Hmm.

Big winner.

You've been staring.

I like your moves.

Let me buy you a drink?

You wouldn't let me buy you one.

Well, I can't keep track
of the cards when I drink.

Ruins my concentration.

Give the lady another.
I'll, uh, have mineral water.

All right, sir.

Interesting watch.

- You noticed?
- (CHUCKLES)

- I noticed you won
a lot of money.
- (CHUCKLES)

What is it, some kind
of magic poker machine?

No, it's just a
calculator, simple one.

Helps me keep track of the
cards, figure percentages.

Hmm, yes, you do seem to know
your way around a poker table.

It's one of my interests.

What are your other interests?

Dice, roulette,

pretty ladies...

In that order?

Depends upon the lady.

What about this lady?

Oh, I get the feeling you
could be top of the list.

Hmm, it's the only way to fly.

Here you go.

To being top of the list?

Ah, nice grip you got there.

I don't like your watch.

Well, you don't have to wear it.

I don't like people that
come to my place and cheat.

Oh, I don't cheat,
I'm just very smart.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Now, you let go of my wrist,

- or I'll break
some of your parts.
- (LAUGHS)

- Listen, pal, I think
maybe you better leave.
- Ah.

(GRUNTS)

I think I just outwore
my welcome.

Uh, I think you did.

I didn't get your name.

- Ted Markham.
- Kris Munroe.

Hi. (CHUCKLES)

You, uh, think we're
about to become an item?

I think we're about to become a
statistic if we don't get out of here.

You got a car?

Right there.

My place or yours?

I'll follow you to your house.

How about Vegas?

- Pardon?
- Will you follow me to Vegas?

- We could
catch a jet from LAX.
- Are you kidding?

Oh, I never kid on Wednesdays.

Well, I'll have to stop by my
place and get a few things.

Not necessary.

What you need, I'll buy.

(CHUCKLES) I have to warn
you, I have very expensive taste.

I wouldn't have
it any other way.

My car's over there.

I'll follow you to the airport.

I think you better
get in my car, quick.

- Hey, that fellow has a gun.
- So do I.

Yeah, so I noticed. Why?

I'll explain later! Get in.

Don't let him get away.

(GUNSHOT FIRES)

Nice.

Go get the car.

- Uh, I suppose you've noticed
they're shooting at us.
- Yeah, I noticed.

Now, I must tell you, I get very
upset when people shoot at me.

It's worse when they hit you.

(CHUCKLES) You look on
the positive side, I like that.

MARKHAM: You just
answered my question.

- KRIS: What question?
- About why you have a gun.

Because you obviously
know how to use one.

(TIRES SQUEALING)

(TIRE RIM CLANKING)

(SIGHS)

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

- You know something?
- What?

You're something else.

Yeah?

You just made top of the list.

Still game for Vegas?

Um, well, whatever's fair.

(CHUCKLES)
Definitely top of the list.

Listen, relax, I'm all right.

Yeah, I'm getting the
tire fixed right now.

So why were they
shooting at you?

They thought Markham
was cheating at cards.

- Well, was he?
- / don't know.

I do know he's a
very clever gambler.

But, Kris, do you have to
go to Vegas with Markham?

Why don't you just grab a handful of
those $100 bills that he's flashing around

so we can check
the serial numbers.

Bosley, I haven't had a chance
to grab any of those $100 bills.

Besides, that's called stealing.

That is also called
gathering evidence.

If Markham's guilty, it's
called gathering evidence.

But if he's innocent,
it's called stealing.

Did you come up with
anything on his 12 accomplices?

No, we had a
handwriting specialist in

to check the signature
cards at the banks

and he said that all 12 people
had very strange penmanship.

Which could mean maybe
they don't exist at all.

What do you mean?

I'm not sure yet, but
take a look at this.

At what?

Kris, I'm looking at the first letter of
the names on the list of the depositors,

in the order the
deposits were made.

And?

Julie, read the letters.

[-O-U-S-0...

M-E-M-O-N-E-Y.

[-O-U...

Some... Some money.

Let me look at that.

BOSLEY: IOU some money.

No wonder that handwriting
expert was going crazy.

None of those 12 men,
including Mr. C, exist.

What? Wait a minute. Twelve
people opened accounts.

I don't think so. I think
one person, one man,

Mr. Ted Markham
opened those accounts.

Disguises? You mean
he wore disguises?

Right. A thief with a
sense of the absurd.

IOU some money.

(GASPS) Uh, listen, I gotta go.

I'll call you when
we get to Vegas.

- Wait a minute, Kris.
- I can't. Markham's coming.

I'll get back to you.

Car's ready.

Well, I checked my
service, I'm all clear.

Listen, I called the airport and all
the flights from Las Vegas are booked.

But we can drive it in five
and half hours from here.

You really are
anxious to see Vegas.

Oh, there are many
things I'm anxious to see.

Vegas is just a necessary
stop along the way.

Let's go.

- I'll drive first shift.
- Okay.

Well, you were right,
they stopped to fix the tire.

That was their second mistake.

Yeah.

What was their first?

Messing around
with me and my club.

So now what do we do?

Don't worry, I'll think of something.
For now, we just follow them.

(ENGINE STARTING)

Well, I guess you figured out
where they're going on this road, huh?

That's right.

Vegas.

Right.

Listen, we could waste them
right out here in the desert.

I mean, right now.

Yeah, we could do that.

But on the other hand, if they
start hitting one of the casinos

for some big bucks...

Well, I could make myself look real
good by tipping off the management.

Get friendly with some
of the heavyweights.

(CHUCKLES) Like you always say,

"If you just had
friends in Vegas."

Yeah, I wouldn't be running
that dump I've been running.

-Now we just keep following
them and who knows, -(SIGHS)

We may turn this into a profit.

(LAUGHS)

Right.

Yeah.

(LAUGHS)

Hi. May I help you?

Hi. We need a room and I
need a couple of hours sleep.

Excuse me.

Uh, let's make that rooms.

Two bedroom suite?

Is that S-U-I-T-E or S-W-E-E-T?

Both.

Good. I will need a place to
put all those little necessities

that I didn't pack that
you are going to buy me.

Oh, right. Toothbrush,
toothpaste...

Gowns, furs, diamonds.

(KRIS CHUCKLES)

Um, you have a suite?

Mmm-hmm. Two
bedrooms. $400 a night.

We're in luck.
They're having a sale.

(CLEARING THROAT)

You are so fortunate.

Why, it suits you perfectly.

Isn't she fortunate?

Very fortunate.

You know, it'd be a
crime if she didn't have it.

A travesty.

Have you got a total?

That's $1,264.50.

Listen, why don't
you go to the tables.

I'll take care of all of this,

take everything up to the suite
and meet you in about a half an hour.

Okay.

Half an hour.

You know what? I'd like to
put this on my credit card.

I don't understand.

The lady wishes to have her
own little bankroll for the casino.

Yes?

Exactly.

I understand.

It will take just a few
moments to check this out.

All right.

Listen, uh, do you mind
if I use your telephone?

Of course not.

Thank you.

(PHONE RINGING)

Townsend Associates.

- Hi, Bos.
- Oh, Kris. Where are you?

Vegas. Grab a pencil, will you? I have
some of those serial numbers for you.

Oh, you, uh, you got
some of the bills, huh?

Right.

Well, you don't sound
too happy about it.

I don't, do 1?

How come?

(SIGHS) Well, I don't
know. Start writing, will you?

B-2-8...

5-0-5-8-4-9-A.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

18.

And six is 22.

(LAUGHING)

WOMAN ON P.A.: Telephone
call for Miss Kris Munroe.

Miss Munroe, please pick
up the house courtesy phone.

- Would you excuse me a minute?
- Sure.

Operator, this is Kris Munroe.

Hi, Bos.

Listen, Kris, those serial
numbers you gave me,

I put them into the computer
and Markham is our man.

Oh.

I'm kind of sorry to hear that.

I was growing rather
fond of Mr. Markham.

I'm not gonna like
seeing him go to jail.

Well, you won't
see him go to jail,

unless you get him back to
California, where they can arrest him.

Bos, he's winning big.

The last thing he's gonna
want to do is go back to LA.

Well, then you've gotta think of
something to bring him back here,

because the wheels of
justice move very slowly.

And if he should leave the country or
something, they will never catch him.

Okay. I'll think of something.

Bye.

Unbelievable!

- Stay there.
- (CHUCKLES)

(PHONE BUZZING)

Yes?

WOMAN: (ON INTERCOM) There
are a couple of men here to see you.

They say it's urgent.

And Steve is
calling on line three.

Uh, send them
in after this call.

WOMAN: Yes sir.

Okay.

Steve, what's up?

Yeah, listen. Some fellow with a
funny wristwatch is hitting us pretty hard.

What do you mean
"funny wristwatch"?

I don't know. It... It's
some sort of calculator.

Another card counter.

Yeah, probably.

Well, how much
is he into us for?

Well, about $300,000.

Three... Well, shut
him down! Quick!

Right. Yes, sir.

- (KRIS GASPS)
- Twenty one.

- (LAUGHS) Unbelievable.
- (CHUCKLES)

A little, uh, support.

Uh, ladies and gentlemen,

this table is closed.

- What?
- What are you talking about?

Sir, the management
thanks you for your patronage.

We want you to use the
hotel, rooms, shows, no charge.

But you won't take my
action at your tables. Right?

No, sir.

And I doubt if any of the other casinos
will either, after we speak to them.

You can't do that.

STEVE: Sir, we can
do anything we want.

Now, as I say, you're welcome to
enjoy the other diversions of the hotel.

There's no charge.

Well, that's a rotten deal.

Madam, you have to understand...

Look, don't madam me, big mouth.

And honey, don't let
him push you around.

Look, let me handle this, okay?

We can stay here as long as
we like and do whatever we like.

Cash him in.

Who are you? Who
are you? Wait a minute.

(GROANING)

(KRIS SCREAMING) Put me down!

I told you I
wanted to handle it.

Well, I wanna go back to LA.

Well, I don't.

I don't think you
have much choice.

Here are your winnings.

You can count them
on your way out of town.

Well, it's been a
little slice of heaven.

CASINO OWNER: You tell Steve the next
time he has something urgent to tell me,

to tell me before
I lose 300 grand.

300 grand?

They got 300 grand?

They're not gonna
have it for long.

Get the car.

Pull in there.

- What?
- Over there, at the bank.

How come?

Pull in.

Okay.

I'll be right back.

(RINGING)

Oh, boy. Never fails.

Townsend Agency.

Oh, Kris. Where are you?

In front of a bank on
the outskirts of Vegas.

Where's Markham?

In the bank with $300,000
he won at the table.

What... Is he depositing it?

Probably.

BOSLEY: Are you on
your way back to LA?

Yeah.

And he's not suspicious of you?

No.

BOSLEY: Where's the first place you
think he'll go after you cross the border?

Well, he left his car at that
poker parlor in Gardena.

I think he wants to
sneak in and get it.

Well, we'll be there
waiting with the police.

Right.

You don't sound too thrilled.

No. No, I'm all right.

Um... We should
be there about 4:00.

Okay, we'll be waiting.

Okay.

(ENGINE STARTING)

(ENGINE STARTING)

So quiet.

Oh, I've got a lot on my mind.

Yeah, me too.

Have you ever seen the country
between Rome and Zurich?

Rome and Zurich?

It's best to go by train.

At least that's what I've
been told. I haven't been there.

Yet.

Neither have I.

So what do you think,
should we go there first?

- (LAUGHS) Just like that?
- Just like that.

We could take one of
those little chalets in the Alps.

Maybe go over to
Davos, ski there.

Maybe Kitzbuhel.

You do ski, don't you?

- Mmm. A little.
- Well, little's enough.

They tell me half
the thrill is the view.

The feeling of freedom.

That's what you were told, huh?

Many times.

So where should we
spend the summers?

I don't know.

Come on, think. Your choice.

I have this painting
in my house.

It's a Van Gogh.

Reproduction, of course.

It's of this wheat
field in Auvers.

I've always wanted to go there.

Auvers is...

Where Van Gogh died.

Do you know the
last 70 days of his life

he must have painted
over 100 paintings?

No kidding.

It's true.

The man was absolutely driven.

He died so young.

But he saw so much
and he... He felt so much.

He cared so deeply.

All my life I've
worked with machines.

I'm very good with machines.

I always put what I felt aside.

I waited to have enough money,

so that I'd never have to
look at another machine again.

Now I do.

Now, like your friend Van Gogh,

all we have to do is see,

feel and care.

You realize, of course, I am
hopelessly mad about you.

(SIGHS)

I kinda like you, too.

(SIGHS)

When are we gonna move on 'em?

He must have left
his car at my place.

He might just be
going back for it.

So we wait till then?

That's right.

Like they say, "Home
court advantage."

Okay, will do.

Well, Charlie finally
got in touch with the DA

and brought him up to date
with what's been going on.

So a warrant has been
issued for Markham's arrest

and a patrol car should
be here in a few minutes.

None too soon.

Let's get it over with.

Listen, I don't
see the two fellows

whose windshield
you spidered, but...

Let's not hang around.

- Follow me to my place, okay?
- Okay.

(TIRES SQUEALING)

Ted, look out!

Bos, tell that patrol
car to step on it.

- Okay.
- Come on.

Get her! I'll get him.

You stay right there.

(CHUCKLES)

Now, if there's enough
money in this bag,

maybe I won't bruise
you up too much.

(CHUCKLES)

(LAUGHING)

(GUN SHOT)

Guess where I'm gonna put the
next one if you don't drop that gun.

Drop it.

Who the hell are you?

I'm the lady who's
gonna blow your socks off

if you don't put that gun down.

BOSLEY: Police will
be here IN a minute.

- MARKHAM: Who called
the police?
- I did.

Who are you?

John Bosley,
Townsend Associates.

(SCOFFS) Townsend Associates?

They're friends of
mine. They're detectives.

We work together.

You're a detective?

I'm sorry.

Well, I always have had a
fatal attraction to machines.

(POLICE RADIO CHATTER)

"You have the right
to remain silent.

"If you give up the
right to remain silent,

"anything you say can and will be
used against you in a court of law.

"You have the right to
speak with an attorney..."

Officer, uh, you can let him go.

- What?
- The charges have
been dropped.

- KRIS: What?
- Yeah, that's right.

Seems that just a little while
ago, each of the 12 banks

received a transfer of money.

From that bank you
stopped at outside of Vegas.

Wait a minute. Say
that again, Bos?

He paid the money back.

With interest.

And now the banks don't
want to be embarrassed

by any public disclosures
of what he did to them

so they're refusing
to prosecute.

Incredible as it may seem,

he's a free man.

Oh, by the way, Officer,
the DA wants you to call him.

You took the money
to bankroll yourself.

What was the name of that place
in France you wanted to see again?

Auvers.

Right. Auvers.

I guess it wouldn't be the same if
we went there together now, hmm?

I guess not.

Why don't you go there?

I'd love for you to see it.

For both of us.