Charlie's Angels (1976–1981): Season 4, Episode 4 - Angels at the Altar - full transcript

Kelly is maid of honor at her friend Sharon's wedding. But there are several attempts to murder the groom. Tiffany goes undercover as a violinist, Bosly tends bar and Kris joins the wedding party as a maid.

CHARLIE: Once upon a time

there were three little girls
who went to the police academy.

One in Los Angeles.

One in San Francisco.

The other in Boston.

And they were each
assigned [BUZZING]

very hazardous duties.

But I took them
away from all that

and now they work for me.

My name is Charlie.



Sharon, it's gorgeous.

Wait till Scott gets
a look of this on you.

Yours will be just as beautiful.

Oh, not quite.

Take good care
of this, will you?

Oh, I will.

And you make sure that
Scott doesn't see you in that.

Not a chance.

Oh, what a weekend
it's gonna be.

We'll do all the things we did

on my 18th birthday, remember?

Oh, no, not everything.

I am not getting
sick on champagne.

Oh, remember, I fell
down in front of that guy,

the big guy, on the... On the...

On the high school
football team.

I'd forgotten that.

And if Randy hadn't
caught your arm,

you would have looked
great all over the rug.



I'm sorry.

How did Randy take it?

He kept congratulating me,

telling me that he
wanted me to be happy.

"If that skier of yours is
such a great guy," he said...

Well, am I? Hm?

What other kind of guy could
I fall in love with in one day?

One glorious day.

By the way, I had
lunch with Randy today.

Oh, Scott.

No, now we needed to talk.

There where some
things that, uh,

needed to be said between us.

You know, in another
situation I think

he and I could
become good friends.

Am I lucky or am I lucky?

Maybe a little of both.

Listen, I gotta get
back to the store now.

I wanted to say goodbye to you.

No you didn't. You came
here to get a look at my dress.

Come on, Kelly, we'll
walk him to the car.



Why'd you park way out here?

Driveway's full
of delivery vans.

Ah. Couldn't get near the house.


You all right?



I'm fine.

Just because I'm not rich

doesn't mean I'm gonna
ruin the neighborhood.


You sure you're all
right, I'll get started.

I'm fine.


Can I speak to you?

I mean professionally.


Nearly being hit by a car

running up on the
curb doesn't sound

like much of an accident to me.

You say this
isn't the first time

something like
this has happened?

Well, two weeks ago there was
a gas leak in Scott's apartment.

What did the gas
company say? Broken fitting.

Which could have been the result

of a simple malfunction.

Well, then, last week.

He was in the stock room

of the sporting
goods store he runs.

A cable broke on a weight
machine he was demonstrating.

Two hundred and fifty
pounds just missed his head.

A cable broke on a new machine?


Oh, Bert, that's Scott's
partner in the store,

thinks that one of the stock
boys assembled it incorrectly.

KRIS: Sharon, is it
a good partnership?

Oh, sure.

Bert needs Scott.

People come into the store
just because they like the idea

of buying from a
former champion skier.

What about competitors who
have lost to him in the past?


Even the guy he was in
business with up in Aspen,

Dick Guzman,

they went out of business
angry, but not that angry.

KELLY: Sharon there
is another possibility.

Maybe someone doesn't
want Scott to marry you.


Oh, no, no. Not Randy.

Well, he did have
trouble readjusting

to civilian life after Vietnam.

He was in a sanatorium,
you told me that yourself.

Do you know where to
find this Randy, Sharon?

At the wedding. He'll
be the photographer.

Sharon, you're kidding.

It's all right. He's a
very good photographer

and Scott said it was
all right between them.

But that was before someone
tried to hit Scott with a car.

Looks to me like we're
going to a wedding.

I think Tiffany is right.

Bosley, make the
arrangements. Okay.

Kris, why don't you
start with Burt Marshall?

Let's see if Scott's
partner really is his partner.

Everything is gonna be okay.

Don't worry.

I'll try.


You will be there for
the bachelor party, right?

Of course.

Stop worrying. I wouldn't
miss this for anything.

This is one best man who
knows all his responsibilities.

Good morning.


Okay, listen, I gotta go pick
up my tux at the cleaners.


My partner is the only guy I
know who'd own his own tuxedo.

That was Scott Miller,
wasn't it? The skier.

Must be something
being partners with him.

We're a good team.

He's into slaloms,
I like waterskiing.

What can I show you?

Well, I was gonna go
to Aspen this weekend,

uh, do a little hiking.

And maybe a little
soaking in the hot tub?


Is this all they're wearing?

This is the most
they're wearing.

Uh-oh. I don't know.


SHARON: Kelly.


Mother was wondering
where you were.

What happened? Did you get lost?

Oh, no. Come on. Come on.

Wait till you see where we're
going to have the ceremony,

it looks like an
open air cathedral.

Oh, my gosh. How
are you feeling?

Oh, I don't know.

I think that I
overreacted yesterday.

You know how things always
look brighter in the morning?


I think that if I told
Scott that I hired you

he'd have my head.

Oh, all you should think
about is the wedding.

You know, just concentrate
on walking down the aisle.


A little further.



SHARON: There it is.

KELLY: Beautiful.

WOMAN: Contrasting
ferns and that, really.

Well, they're better
than those plastic things

we had in the place in
Vegas when we got married.

Heh-heh. Oh.

Hey, Mom and
Dad, look who's here.

Now you see what happens
when the bright young MD

gets bowled over
by the cutest showgirl

this side of the
Casino de Paris, eh?

He didn't marry me for my money,

he married me for my time-step.

that's not true. The only way

that she would show
me how those showgirls

held up those big hats
was for me to marry her.


Oh, Sharon, I want you to
know I've been practicing.

You're really gonna
go through with it?

KELLY: Go through with what?

She gonna sing at the ceremony.

Oh, great.

She's afraid I'll
go into one of my

comedy routines in
between choruses.

"Good evening, wedding-lovers,

a funny thing happened to
me on the way to the wedding."

Gloria, Gloria.



Uh-oh. Grandpa's at the bar.


Yes, beverage of this
kind were very common

on those old English
country estates.

Somewhat pagan, of course.

And so were Easter eggs
and maypole dancing.


One martini won't kill me.

Martini's are out these days.

And make sure
of that. Spoilsport.

Well, who have we here?

You remember Kelly, grandpa.

Oh, indeed I do, Kelly, my dear,

How you have blossomed.

Ha-ha. Thank you.

Seventy-eight years old
and he refuses to lie down.

Oh, well, I think
that's admirable.

Well, in that case my dear,

what are you doing
later on this evening?

Oh, grandpa, he
hasn't changed at all.

Come on, girls.

Reverend Depugh is
waiting for us in the house.

Well, I'm gonna wait right here.

Fresh air's good
for us old geezers.

Bartender, make
sure it's just fresh air.

See you later, now.

Uh, think about
this evening, kiddo.


You know, back in the early '20s

there was a drink
called "The Fresh Air."

Oh, boy, oh, boy.

Made up of three parts gin,

a little grape juice,
and a dash of bitters.

Hm, sounds awful.

Right you are,

skip the grape
juice and the bitters.



Well, I'll be... I never thought
I'd see him around here again.

Who's that?


In the name of Randy Todd.

Sharon was gonna marry him

till that skier swept her away.

Well, Mr. Todd doesn't look
like he's here to make any trouble.

Last time he was
here with Sharon

he was talking loud and nasty.


Let me tell you
something, young fella,

I don't like people
who go around

threatening other
people's fiancée.


WOMAN [ON PA]: Flight
116 now boarding in Gate 4.

All passengers for
flight 419 to Chicago,

we now board at Gate 43.

MAN: Claudia.

What are you doing here?


Does that answer your question?


It's a good thing I
didn't ask Sharon

to pick me up at the airport.

Well, she wanted to, but, uh,
who do you think stopped her?

I can guess.

Couldn't wait to see you.

That's better.

That's only the beginning.

How's it going?


Accident number four
is just about to happen.

The car?

Oh, no, that, uh,
was number three.

Food poisoning? When?

As soon as I get
back to my apartment.

Oh, wait for me to
get back to the house.

I don't want to miss this.

Let's go.


Oh, Sharon, you
won't need a suit.

Right. I guess you don't
need tailored clothes on Maui.


How about this print?

I like it. Garish.

But that goes for everything
south of the 20th parallel.

Couldn't you honeymoon
in a place where

everyone doesn't look
so disgustingly healthy?

Good idea. We'll
go to Cleveland.

When did you get in?

came from the airport.

You look radiant.

What a beautiful bride
you're going to make.

This is my cousin
Claudia Harver.

She introduced me to Scott.

This is Kelly Garrett, my
best friend from high school.

Hi, nice to know you. Hello.

Scott's on the phone, dear.

He sounds very strange.

Excuse me.


my love. I'm gonna be a little late.

Something I ate
didn't agree with me.






What if it wasn't
something he ate?

Don't be silly, Sharon.
What else could it be?

Daddy, is he all right?

Yes, but, uh, good thing that
he was calling you when it hit.

He is going to be all right?

Oh, he's gonna be fine.

It's a good thing
Uncle Mark's a doctor.

Can I see him? Sure.

I don't think you wanna see him.

My darling, my poor darling.

Thanks for coming
so quick, baby.

Was it food poisoning?

Yes, it was.

SCOTT: That and my stupidity.

I brought a sandwich home
from the deli a few days ago,

and I put the potato
salad in the fridge.

Then I came in today
and I was hungry.

MARK: It was there
more than a few days,

mayonnaise must have turned bad.

Well, I've had a lot
on my mind lately.

See what you do to men, Sharon?

I'm sorry if I upset you.

That's all right, just
as long as you're okay.

GLORIA: Well, that settles it.

The man needs a
woman looking after him.

Come on, you're going to
our house. Get your things.

And you'll stay till
after the wedding.

MARK: That's probably
the culprit right there.

Just making sure
it gets thrown away.


Hey, I didn't know Tiffany
could play the violin.

Well, I don't think Heifitz
has anything to worry about.

You never know when
one of these little sidelines

might come in handy.

Lab said they'll have
that potato salad analyzed

as soon as they can.

Great. By the way,
that was good thinking.

Hey, Kelly. It's your turn.

CLAUDIA: Try to look
pretty, dear. Do your best.


Mrs. Kellerman wants
individual portraits

of all the wedding party.


Well, my dear, we do seem
to gravitate towards each other,

don't we? Yes.

And always when I have to
have a picture taken or something.

I'll see you later, okay?

Here you'd think a man of
my experience would have

a little better sense
of timing, wouldn't you.


Here's to unrequited
love, bartender,

and to not going gently
into that good night.

And here's to one margarita.


And to you, my friend.


Truly the juice from
a contented cactus.

I'm gonna want you to
look right up here, now.

Mm-hm. Little bit more.

You comfortable?

It's fine. Good.

Open your lips
just a little bit.


You and Sharon
always did violate

Maznick's rule
about girlfriends.

What's that?

Oh, he's a guy I
knew in Vietnam.

It states that beautiful girls

never have
beautiful girlfriends.

That's Maznick's rule.

Now, that's very important
when arranging double dates.




Sharon told me
you had a hard time

when you came back from Vietnam.

That's over now.

You know, to be very honest,

I'm surprised to see you here.

I guess everybody
thinks I'm crazy.

Oh, of course not.

I mean, you must
admit, it's kind of unusual

for a guy to be at his
ex-fiancée's wedding.

We go on, no matter what.

Besides, if Sharon and I
aren't meant to be together,

well, how do you fight that?

You're very understanding.

What am I supposed
to do, shoot that guy?

All right, look, I'm
gonna do one more here.

Up a little more.

[CLICKS] Good.

There are other photographers.

Yeah, that's what I
said. Next thing I know,

Scott comes up to me, says
he wants to be my friend,

we ought to have lunch together,

I'm the only photographer
Sharon really wants.

So that's why you said yes.

That and the fact
I need the bread.

And the recommendation.

Now, let's do one more
for protection, huh?

Right here.

Give it to me, now.

Go on.

[CLICKS] Good.

So looks like we all got
exactly what we wanted.

Sounds like Scott's
some kind of politician.

Yeah, he thinks of everything.

Including lunch.

Yep, he's a terrific cook.

You ate at his place?




On top of everything else,
the fellow's a gourmet chef,

regular cordon bleu.

You didn't know that?

No, I didn't.

KRIS: Well, the question is,

what is a cordon bleu chef
doing eating spoiled potato salad?

Especially after he's
just prepared a meal

earlier in the day.

Well, he said he
had a lot on his mind.

I can believe that.

This does make four near misses.

He's just lucky
whoever's trying to kill him

isn't doing a
very good job of it.

Yeah. Real lucky.

Kris, I don't like the
way you're saying that.

Sorry, just thinking
like a detective.

Listen, I'm off to Aspen.

I'll let you know if
Scott's ex-partner

likes him as much
as his new one does.

And I'll call you if
anything comes up, okay?

Okay. Bye.

All right, people. Let's pretend

it's the real thing, now.

In time to the music, please.


Lovely. Very lovely.

Uh, the best man and the...

The maid of honor now, please.

In cadence, in cadence.

Grandpa, it's your turn.

Uh, to be on the other side.

Grandpa, you
are in the lily pond.

To the right please.

To the right, get
out of the lily pond.

Thank you.

And now the father of the bride
escorting our vision in white,

our raison d'être.

I said, Mr. Kellerman
and Sharon, please.

DEPUGH: Stop the music.

Sharon must be
somewhere with Scott.

They were upstairs
a few minutes ago.

You mean you don't
know where they went?

They're in love, they
probably wanna be alone.

After the ceremony
they can be alone.

They can be up to their
ears alone for all I care.

GLORIA: Come on, everybody,

let's go find them.

Oh, I'm so sorry, reverend.

I know you understand about
young people, I apologize.



I know where they went.


Over there, in the woods.

Thank you, sweetheart.
Thank you very much.

This way?

If it was you that was lost,

I'd know where to
find you. In the bar.

If it was me that was
lost, I'd be in the bar.

Get out of the lily pond.

That preacher's gonna kill us.

Hm. In that case,
he won't get paid.

Don't worry so much.


Are you two all right?

Did you see who did it?


But he came from over there.

Oh, my God! Sharon!

Darling, are you hurt?

Are you hurt?

You all right, sweetheart?


Tiff, did you pass anyone?
He ran through there.

No. Is she hurt?
Is Sharon all right?

Yes, just scared.

Did you see anyone
running the other way?

No, no one.


Mark, who did this?

Who did this, I... [♪♪♪]



Will you go upstairs and
get...? No, I'm not going.

KELLY: Everybody,
just wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Did anybody see anything?

No, we didn't see anything.

Wait, please.

There's something I must say.

I'm endangering you.


We must... call off the wedding.

What? Call off the wedding?

Listen, please.

Now, what happened out there...

It wasn't an accident.

I think somebody's
trying to kill me.

This is not the first
time this has happened.

I-I think I'm gonna call
for police protection.

I don't think that's necessary.

Well, I do.

He only wants me.

Whoever it is, I'll handle it.

Scott, do you have any
idea who might be doing this?

SCOTT: Possibly an old enemy.

But I can't believe
he'd go this far.

What if he misses
you and kills Sharon?

No way. I'm for
calling the police.

Excuse me, I think I have
something to say about this.

If anything happened to
you, I'd never forgive him.

Claudia, you're the best
cousin a girl ever had,

but I'm supposed to
take a vow tomorrow.

In sickness or in health,

good times or bad, right?

Now, if all of this had
happened after the ceremony,

there'd be no question,
and as far as I'm concerned,

there's no question right now.

Delaying the ceremony is
not gonna change a thing.

But I'm still for
calling the police.

I-I think Claudia's right.

Excuse me, but
wouldn't that be beautiful?

Sharon and I married
under police guard?

Hey, the something blue

could be, uh, their uniforms.


What else can we do?

This guy seems to
strike from the back.

Now, if we all stick
together between now

and the time Sharon and I
go off on our honeymoon,

might work.

Right, if we stay in a crowd,

he wouldn't dare try anything.

Sorry, I don't like it.

Well, it is the only way I
will let the plans go forward.


We're right in the middle of
my wedding rehearsal, right?


Let's get on with it.

All right.

Everybody out.

You think it'd be worthwhile
to search the woods?

We'd never find that
slug before the ceremony.

Okay, what do we got?


Except for the lab
analysis of the potato salad.


And the mayonnaise had gone bad.

He's lucky he
didn't get any sicker.

Couple more bites...
Bosley, did you notice

what Randy Todd was doing
during all that excitement?

Now that you
mention it, no, I didn't.


MAN: Yeah, I knew him.

Wanna get to the point?

Let me show you
some identification.

"Townsend Detective Agency."


So I'm investigating
an attempted murder.

I am still not impressed.

Unless, of course,
uh, I'm the target.

Ha, no. As a matter of fact,

it's your ex-partner,
Scott Miller.


Listen, I appreciate you
being real candid, but...

If I'm suspect number
one, how am I doing it?

Personalized guided missiles

launched from on
top of the mountain?

No, a hit man would be cheaper.

Not that cheap.

You ought to see
my bank account.

Ever since he took
up with that lady.


She kept telling
him to pull out.

She convinced him that she
knew how they both could get rich.

Mr. Guzman, it would
be very helpful to me

if you could tell me
the name of this lady.

Claudia Harper,
but who's Sharon?

She's the lady that Scott's
marrying this weekend.

Oh, Scotty getting married?

Claudia's not gonna like that.

Not at all.

MAN: Attention, please.
Coming through. Make way.

May I please have
your kind indulgence?

I think you've all had
enough to drink by now

so that you're all
a little bit uncouth

and you probably think
a big, beautiful naked girl

is gonna come
up out of this cake.

Not in this house.

Another tankard, innkeeper.

And you keep me
to a two-drink limit.

Don't you, uh, need a steady
hand to take those pictures?

If it's a little out of
focus, they think it's arty.


Where's my drink?

Why don't you go a little easy?

What do you think this is,

some sort of a Van
Nuys singles bar?

Fill it up.

I don't think so.

You know,

I haven't punched anybody
out since I was in Saigon.

Wait! Wait, wait, take it easy.

This is a nice party.
No need to spoil it, huh?

You okay?

I thought I was over all that.


BURT: It's all right,
just take it easy.

You're right.

Too much liquor
does bad things to me.


RANDY: Where's Scott?

He was over there.

While Mr. Marshall
was playing referee,

Mr. Miller slipped out the
door. He headed for the woods.


How's the party going, Bos?

Our bridegroom
just slipped away.

Well, not to meet
Sharon. She's right here.

Well, uh, grandpa says he
saw him head for the woods.

I don't like it, Bos.

All right, look, I'll see
what I can find out.

You stay with her.



You're not planning a
little midnight rendezvous

with Scott, are you?

That's not a bad idea.

They aren't doing anything
weird down there, are they?

Well, that's why we have
Bosley down there bartending.






Hi, listen. My plane's gonna
leave in a couple seconds,

but I wanted you to know that
Richard Guzman is not our man,

but I do have a name
for you to check out.

It's "Claudia Harper."

I guess she's an
ex-girlfriend of Scott's.

Anyway, this Guzman said
she's not a very graceful loser.


Claudia Harper.

Oh, there's my
plane, I gotta go.

Talk to you later. KELLY
[ON PHONE]: Kris!

Something wrong?

Have you seen Claudia lately?

Well, she went for a walk
about 10 minutes ago.

Stay here. Lock the door,
don't move until I get back.

I mean it, Sharon.


Shh, shh.

Scott and Claudia.

KELLY: Well, I'd say she
definitely doesn't want to kill him.



Oh, it's beautiful.
Thank you, Laura.


Come in.

Oh, boy, do you look beautiful.

It is pretty. Isn't it?


Thank you, Laura.

Oh, Kelly. I am so happy
I can hardly breathe.

No doubts? No last
minute butterflies?

We've solved Scott's problem.

We're moving to Europe,
right after the honeymoon.

Just let him try to
find us, whoever he is.


Switzerland, maybe Italy.

Scott knows all about Europe.

He's skied everywhere.

Sharon, have you
told your parents?

I wanted your reaction first.

Maybe it would
be the best thing.

I knew you'd feel that way.

Especially after that scare
you threw my way last night.

"Don't move, Sharon, don't
leave the room, Sharon."

Be glad it was nothing.

It wasn't nothing.

It got me thinking clearly
for the first time in a long time.

It's the perfect solution.

Can you imagine actually
living in a Swiss chalet?

Oh. Don't you think you
should save some of that energy

for your wedding night?

Haven't you ever been in love?

Isn't she the most beautiful
bride you've ever seen?

Just wish I were sure she
was going to be the happiest.

What's that mean?

I understand you
introduced them.

Uh. Like a fool.

What's that supposed to mean?

Who would have thought
they'd hit it off so fast?

How can you fight it?

Must have been very hard on you.

Well, it wasn't one
of my better moments.

I went on a chocolate
mousse binge,

gained 10 pounds.

That's the most I
ever gained over a guy.

You wanna know the truth, Kelly?

Yes, I do.

Sharon's better for Scott
than I ever would have been.

So that's what you were talking
about in the woods last night?

Oh. Huh.

So that's what
all this is about.

You're afraid that Scott
is still carrying on with me,

but marrying Sharon
for her money.

You didn't hear
what we were saying

when you were snooping
around out there, did you.

No. Well, you should have.

I'm not proud of myself,
but I gave it one last try.

It's over, Kelly.

It really is.

And I want nothing but
the best for both of them.

Mom, have you seen my perfume?

Guess it had to happen
sometime today, didn't it.

Yeah, I guess it did.



So I hope my being here
isn't making you uncomfortable.

Scott insisted that
you wanted me.


I wanted you to come,
but I didn't think you would.

You want me to go?

No. Not unless you want to.

I'll just take this one minute
at a time, I'll be all right.


I care about you.

I always will.


Unfortunately, not the
way I care about you.

Randy, don't.

That's okay, I don't blame you.

I-I can see how
you'd go for the guy.

I just want you to know that...

I-I still love you
and I do understand.



Mr. Kellerman.

Well, it's, uh... time, darling.

We... have to go.


You, come with me. Need
help with the drinks, this way.

about to begin, gentlemen,

we're about to begin.

All right, everybody
in the bridal party,

we are gathering on the
lawn for the promenade.

BOSLEY: All right, we
better compare notes fast.

Did you talk to Cousin Claudia?

I don't know what
to make of her.

She didn't deny a thing.

She said she made one last try

and he turned her down.

She seemed to really
feel guilty about it.

That's not what it
looked like to me.

Could be true.

Maybe she made one last attempt

before she got desperate
enough to really kill him.

You think she's crazy
enough to try something now,

in front of everybody?

I think we better warn Sharon.

Warn her? Warn her about what?

That we saw Claudia kissing
Scott in the woods last night?

That we think she still
might be in love with him?

If only we had proof.

What are you
looking at, Claudia?

I was just wondering what
Sharon's nosy maid of honor

had to talk to about
with a bartender, a maid,

and a violinist.

Well, whatever it is, I
wouldn't worry about it.

That's the difference
between us, Burt.

I worry about everything.

Relax, Claudia.

This is one wedding
no one will ever forget.

And we'll be worth a fortune.

Now, if she had the gun,

the one that was used
on Scott and Sharon,

That'd be proof, all right.

Well, listen. When everybody
gets involved in the ceremony,

I'll sneak upstairs and
check out Claudia's room.

Just to be safe, let's
check out all the bedrooms.

If we don't find a gun,
maybe we'll find something.

I'll try to get away
later too, if I can.

Well, whatever
you do, do it fast.

I gotta go.

If we stop this wedding,
we'd better be right.

Poor Kelly. Really hard on her.



You're more nervous than I am.

Everything's gonna
be fine, you'll see.



DEPUGH: Dearly beloved,

we are gathered together
here in the sight of God,

and in the face of this company,

to join together this
man and this woman

in holy matrimony,

which is an honorable
estate, instituted of God...

Oh. Sorry.

Who's room is this? Claudia's.

Why don't you try
the next one. Shall do.

DEPUGH: For our
hearts shall rejoice in him,

because we have
hoped in his holy name.

Let thy merciful kindness,
oh, Lord, be upon us,

like as we do put
our trust in thee.


♪ Oh, promise me That
someday you and I ♪

♪ Will take our love
Together to some sky ♪

♪ Where we can be
alone And faith renew ♪

♪ And find the hollows
Where those flowers bloom ♪

♪ Those first... ♪

GLORIA: ♪ Oh, promise me ♪

♪ Oh, promise ♪

♪ Me ♪







KRIS: Help!


Help! Help!


I'm in the closet.

Hand the wedding band
to the bridegroom, please.

Scott, take the bride's hand.

Okay. Hurry, hurry.

Okay, listen to me,
now, listen to me.

This is Burt Marshall's room.

I found a sniper's
rifle in that suitcase.

We gotta go. Wait.

Why would Burt wanna kill Scott?

He doesn't wanna kill Scott.
But supposing he's aiming

at Scott and he
accidentally hits Sharon.

After the wedding, Scott would
be the tragic, grieving widower.

Right, a very rich
grieving widower.

And then in a year or
so he can marry Claudia.

I just saw her in the hallway.

Did you ever stop a
wedding? First time.

Do you, Scott Miller,

take this woman,
Sharon Rose Kellerman,

to be your lawfully wedded wife,

to love, honor and cherish,

as long as you both shall live?

I do.

And do you, Sharon
Rose Kellerman,

take this man, Scott Miller,

to be your lawfully
wedded husband,

to love, honor and cherish,

as long as you both shall live?

I do.

If there be anyone here who
knows why these two people

should not be joined
in holy matrimony,

let him speak now or
forever hold his peace.


Then by the power vested in
me by the state of California,

and the holy church,

I hereby declare you
to be... KRIS: Wait!

Hold it up! Wait! Hold it!

Wait! TIFFANY: Hold everything.


I'm so sorry, but
you can't marry him.

I found a sniper's
rifle in his suitcase.

What is all this?

Claudia locked
Kris in the closet.

Who are these people?

KRIS: They're
all in it together.

Claudia, Scott, and Burt.

TIFFANY: Burt was gonna
kill Sharon by accident.

Scott would get her money.

Yes, and Claudia was
gonna help him spend it.

Scott, that... That's crazy.

You have to tell
me that's not true.

Mark! Listen here, I... [♪♪♪]


I'll kill her. I mean it.

right where you are.

Oh, poor...


We'll take it from here.

You see, Angels,

Scott planned to be the
perfect, grieving widower

for a year or so,

while he and Burt opened a chain

of sporting goods stores,

and then Claudia would
just drift back into his life.

It would seem perfectly
natural, after all.

She is one of the family.

I feel so stupid.

Don't be silly.

He was good-looking,
charming, sophisticated.

All the attributes of the
well-crafted con man.

He fooled us too.

He had to, if his plan
was going to work.

Sharon, it's nice to see
that you're handling it so well.

Well, I stay home,
watch TV, read a lot.

I told her she ought
to get out more.

Well, Randy called
a couple of times,

but I don't know.

After the way I treated
him when I was with Scott.

Good photographer, Randy.

You ought to see the
portrait he did of you.

I'll call him
eventually, I guess.

Maybe you won't have to.


Hi yourself.

We just thought we'd
give you a little nudge.