Charlie's Angels (1976–1981): Season 2, Episode 2 - Angels on Ice - full transcript

When two skaters at an ice show disappear, the owner calls Charlie and sends the girls to check it out. Later the security guard at the arena is also taken, told by the kidnappers to call the owner and tell him that he's sick but he's sending someone to replace him. Later Kelly and Kris try out for the show and somehow make it. Later two skaters come out of nowhere and offer to fill in for the missing skaters, and they do well and are accepted. Kelly finds the whole things suspect. Later the show's handyman is also taken. And one of the replacement skaters has a relative who can fill in for the man.

Once upon a time

there were three little girls

who went to the police academy.

Two in Los Angeles...

the other in San Francisco...

and they were each assigned

very hazardous duties...

but I took them
away from all that

and now they work for me.

My name is Charlie.

Why do I get the feeling

that this was not
strictly for fun?


Uh, well, as a matter of fact

Max has had a few
minor problems lately.

What kind of problems, Bosley?

Well, a couple of nights ago

somebody broke into his office.

You mean he was robbed?

Well, not exactly.
Max isn't sure.

It seems that somebody
broke one of his files

but nothing was taken.

Well, that doesn't
make much sense.

Well, it might not mean anything

but we'll talk to Max,
and if we've got a job,

then we're working.

And if not, well, come
on, we've had a good time.

First, somebody
breaks into my office

Now my two lead skaters
are gone! Vanished!

And what do I have?

I'll tell you what I have.

Missing stars is what I have!

A show is what I have not.

Yeah, what can I do for you?

How about some results?

Soon, Max, soon.

Max, you can't risk
blowing our cover.

Shall we hit the ice
for a little practice?

Just my luck.

Who the devil are you?

I'm Olga. This is Luisi.

Olga, Luisi.

We would like to audition.

Now, come on, dear, just
like we've been rehearsing.

One and two and aim and fire.


Even better than perfect.

All right now, when
will they all be fixed?

Well, I figure if
I work all night

you can have them
tomorrow for rehearsal.

I thought I was the
only crazy working late.

What is it, Halloween
or something?

Help! Wait a minute!
Get away from me!

Is this some kind of a...?

Who's this?

This is my cousin Dergus.

Dergus is a master
woodcarver and a machinist

and he works very cheap.

Can you fix muskets?

Dergus can fix anything.

Listen to this.

Okay, you're hired
until we find Iggy.

Then you're fired.

Now we get it right, or
there's no lunch money.

There are no food stamps.

Now are you prepared
to do it correctly?

Because we're going to
stay here all day until we do.

May we please commence? Okay?

Now, from the
top of the following.

We're in... and...
one, two, three, four

five, six, seven, eight.

One, two, three, four

five, six, seven, eight.

One, two, three, four, five, six

seven, eight.

One, two, three,

four, five, six, seven, eight.

One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight.

One, two, three...
Wait, wait, wait

exclamation point!

What is this, children?

Your positions are way off.

Sorry, we forgot.


Forgot is for amateurs.

Is this intellectual

or do we have some
kind of a language barrier?

Hold it children. I'll be back.

Just stay loose.

Look, you came
in, you represented

that you were wonderful skaters.

You seemed to be wonderful.

Hey, girl, you're doing good.

Well, that's the first
time they've goofed.

Well, they're only human.

I wonder.

What does that mean?

I don't know, exactly.

It's like I said before.

Their arrival here,
knowing the routines...

Very fortuitous.

You think they have
something to do with all this?

Until we figure
out what all this is

there's no way
to tell, is there?

Listen, I think I'm going
to concentrate on Billy.

If he has Sabrina's
teeth marks in his hand

then we'll know
that he was the one

she took a bite on in
Helene's apartment, right?

You just be careful, okay?

Believe it. See ya.

Everybody who's not
involved in this number

get off the ice, please.

Max, tell me something.

The file that was broken into

in your office the other
night, what was in it?

Nothing worth stealing.

Just the floor plan of the
audience seating section.

Seating section?

Yes, you know, who
sits where and what...

Why do you ask?

I'll let you know
when I know, okay?

You're the only
new one who's nice.

I don't like those other
two, Olga and Luisi.

Billy, I don't like
them much, either.

Clear the end of the ice
so we can bring the set on.

Here you go.

Clear this end of the
ice. Come on now.

Did you know Helene?

Oh, no, I don't know her.

I hear she's real nice, though.

She was.


Sometimes, things don't turn
out the way they're supposed to.

Know what I mean?

No, I don't know
what you mean, Billy.

Can you tell me more about it?


Do, do you like
spaghetti with meatballs?

We were talking about meatballs?

I cook that the best.

Oh, you like to cook?

I love to cook...
Spaghetti with meatballs.

Is that all?


I also cook meatballs
and spaghetti.

That's great. I like
a change of pace.

Would you like
me to cook for you?

The meatballs are really small.

I can put four in
my mouth at once.

You put four meatballs
in your mouth at one time?

For you, I'd do five.

Uh... please?

Well, who could turn
down five meatballs?


Did you like the meatballs?

Yeah, I liked them a lot.

Helene loved those meatballs.

She was a lot of fun.

You really liked Helene
a lot, didn't you, Billy?

Before she went
with him, Jack, maybe.

Then I don't love her
very much any more.

Don't you tell
anybody that I love her.

Don't do it!

I don't want that!

Oh, I won't Billy.

I don't want anybody
to think Billy's stupid.

It's my fault.

I did it.

They said they'd
take him, not her.

Just him, and they lied!

Who lied, Billy?

They did.

Who are they?

Billy, who took Helene?

Who are they?

They said they'd take
him and not her, just him!

Billy, what happened?

Look, you can trust
me. I'm your friend.

You can tell me.

Oh... they called
on the phone and...

they said they'd
leave the door open.

They'd give me some money
and they'd take Jack away.

He was bad for her.

He was married! He
was no good for her.

Said they'd give me some money

and I could buy
Helene a present.

Billy... Billy... who are they?

Oh, I don't know.

They threw me money
out of a big, blue car.

They lied!

Oh, Helene!


Everything always changes.

This world stinks.


Oh, the ice is melting.

Oh, it's getting soft out there.

Okay, Billy, now listen to me.

Those people that
threw the money

out of the car, did
you see their faces?

No... I couldn't see.

They promised they
wouldn't touch her.

Okay, it's okay.

Now listen, you
didn't see their faces

but did you hear anything?

Did you hear a name or anything?


I couldn't hear
and I couldn't see.

Oh, it's my fault.

Oh... Oh...
Please... It's my fault.


Question is, who are the
people who did the kidnapping?

Paid them to set
up the kidnapping?

Who are they?

He says he doesn't know.

He has to know.

He says he doesn't know,
Max. And I believe him.

And it wouldn't do us any
good to have him arrested.

He doesn't really
understand what it is he did.

We do know one thing.
We know who to watch.

We do?

The convenient replacements...

Olga and Luisi. KRIS: Mm-hmm.

And their cousin Dergus
the man who fixes things.

Okay. Finished. Closed.

I shut down the
show, we call the cops

and we arrest all of them.

But what about "the
show must go on," Max?

What are you giving me
with "the show must go on"?

No show must go on when
there are lives at stake!

Max, we don't have any
tangible evidence to arrest them.

So what can we do?

They'll make their
move, and we'll be there.

Considering the
extreme water shortage

don't you think it would
be extremely patriotic

if all of us would
just drink wine?

Uh, domestic wine, of course.

Uh... tell me... Yes?

Have you seen a large,
blue limousine lately?

A large blue...?

You are the second
lady that's asked me that.

Don't look now.

It is just pulling in
over your shoulder...

and, you know, I think you...

lady limousine lovers

might actually save America.

Well... off to the wine cellars.

Hey, sister, what's happening?

An emergency, baby. I
need help, and I mean now.

Like, what kind of help?

Big blue limousine
just rounded the corner.

Can you get behind
it for $20 bucks?

$20 bucks?

I can definitely get behind and
follow that car. Hop on, baby.

Big, bad limo, watch out

because here come big, bad
Jo Jo on your downtown side.

Hey, there it is!

I can't see them!

Honey face, if they're up
there, Jo Jo's going to find them.

There they are.

Jo Jo, you're dynamite!

Hey, you know I always did
want to play cops and robbers

and be the good
guy for a change.

I assume that they
are the bad guys?


Hey, look here. You need
any help from a brother?

If it gets me off, I
won't even charge you.

Thanks. The next move's mine.

Okay, but don't be
bad-mouthing me

when I'm gone, you understand?

Anybody asks me
about Jo Jo, he's the best.

Hey, you got potential, sister.

Take care of yourself.

ACCENT: Oh. Well, hello there.

My, my, what a
fine figure of a man.

My, aren't you something?

If you'll excuse me

I heard there's some very
fine vittles in that direction.

Room is private.

She came from there.

She dancer.

I want to thank you for
being so kind and courteous.

I'm going to be sure
and talk about you

to my cousin Erma Dean, now.

Section D, East.

Section D, East.

They got her, Charlie.
Somehow they got her.

Okay, where do we start looking?

The show opens tonight.

I got a feeling
Kelly's disappearance

is tied into that somehow.

If we're ever going
to see her again

we better find out
how... and quick.

And they haven't had a
musket in their hands yet!

Does anyone realize
that we open tonight!

Now I know I promised

I would not show my
stunning face in here again.

But meanwhile, we have
skaters but no muskets

So may I please be
privy to your plans?

The muskets are ready.

Oh, finally.


What are you talking
"no"? Are they ready or not?

If not, you're fired Marcus
And don't tell me your name.

I fix them. I give them out.

What is this idiot
talking about, Max?

I made them, I hand them out.

That's just what I
need on opening night.

A temperamental repairman!

Let him, let him!

Make sure you
coordinate all music cues.

All lead skaters
will be responsible

for coordinating
your own music cues.

Okay, come on, boys and girls.

Let's get a move on. Come
on, come on, come on.

Time is of the essence.

Wait a minute, where's Kelly?

We open tonight.

Where is Kelly?

She's not that good a skater.

Oh, she's fired.

All right, uh,

we're just going
to do it with five.

Now, from the peel off.

And, one, two, three,
four, five, six, seven, eight.

Two, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight.

Three, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight.

Four, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight.

Five, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight.

Six, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight.

Muskets up.

Aim and fire.

Well, what is this?

What is this?

Where are the flags?

Where are the flags?

All right, Mr. Big Shot,
now where are the flags?

Where are the flags
for our featured skaters?

I haven't put them in.

But you needn't worry.

They'll be ready tonight.

It must have been
chloroform, honey.

They used it on
all of us, I, I think.

The question's still the same...

What do those
bozos want with us?

What did we do?

In the restaurant
while I was dancing

in between the Arabic

I kept hearing English
words like "Section D, East."

"Section D, East"...

That must be an oil field
they own, or something.

No, no, no. "Section D, East"

that's where the VIPs
sit in the Sports Arena.

Hey, wait a minute.

That file that was
broken into in Max's office,

it had the seating arrangement
for the Sports Arena.

Did Max tell you who would
be sitting in that section?

Oh, he mentioned something
about oil people, I think.

Oil people?


Hey, hold on.

Oil, Arabs, Arab restaurant,
that's the connection.

That's it. It's got to be.

Ladies and gentlemen,
please make certain

you are seated
in the right section.

Please check your ticket stubs.

If you need any assistance

any one of our ushers will
be pleased to assist you.

Um... Good d... I
beg your pardon...

I beg your pardon? If an...

Any word on Kelly?

Sabrina, everybody I
know who's available

is out there looking.

Nothing yet.

Charlie, why have you got
Bosley and me covering Section D?

What are we looking for?

The people in our blue
limo with diplomat plates

are sheiks from one of the
Middle Eastern countries.

These people have
bought out Section "D"

for tonight's opening.

Well yeah, what does that mean?

It's obvious these sheiks are

either the problem
or the solution.

Now, Kelly's abductors have
been using that limousine.

Maybe they'll be sitting
in Section D, I don't know.

But it is clear that the trouble

is coming from, or
going to, that section.

Well, that's pretty confusing

but if it's all we've got to
go on, we'll do our best.

All right.


We don't know what
we're looking for.

Well, we will know
when we see it.

We better know.

Kelly's life may depend on it.


Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

All right.

Okay, Paul.

Got him all right?





All right, here I go.

Climb on his shoulder. Easy.

Jack! Iggy!

All right.

I need three more feet.

I can't hold on much longer now.

How do I get down?


Oh. Wait a minute,
Jack. Hold it steady.

Iggy! Iggy!

Everybody all right?

I'm okay.

Just barely.

There's got to be a
way, but what way?

Are you okay?

Yeah. Are you?


Give me a hand with that board.

Lucky, before I
was an ice skater

I used to work in the circus.


Ladies and gentlemen,
please take your seats.

The show will
begin in five minutes.

Show time in five minutes,
ladies and gentlemen.





Hold on, there.

Hold on, Kelly.

That's it. Good girl.

That's it.

I'll come back and
get you or send help.

Just hang on.

Live like traitors...
die like traitors.

No time for questions, Max.

Just call Charlie and
give him that address.

Tell him he'll find Jack,
Helene, Paul and Iggy there.

All of them? All of them.

Are they all right? Kelly!
Kelly, what's going on?!

No time, Max.
Just... I'll explain later.

Billy? Yeah?

Oh, Billy, you got to hide me.

What? You got to hide me.

I can get Helene back,
but I need you help.

Helene? Helene's all right?

She's fine, but you
got to hide me now.

I'll explain it to you later.

Here. Here.

Where is she?

Who? The one called Kelly.

All the skaters are on the ice.

She came this way.

She must be here.

I told you, all the
skaters are on the ice.

Dergus thinks you lie.

It's late.

Let's go.

The girl, we've got to find her.

She can't do anything now.

It's too late.

Get everything ready.

Lucky for you I got to go.


Come on, Billy, I got
to get into costume.

Hold on.

She has to be on the ice.

Are you, Billy the towel boy

telling me, Alvin,
the Artistic Director

of this entire show, what to do?


Well, actually, the routine
does work better with six.

Come on boys and girls, speed!

Speed is of the essence.

When are you going
to get Helene back?

Soon, Billy, soon. Come on.

Are you sure you're all right?

I'm fine, and so are the others.

I'll feel terrific

when we figure out the
mystery of Section D.

Right. Well, so what
do in the meantime?

I don't know.

Play it by ear,
honey, play it by ear.


Bosley, look.

All right.

And now here's Denny
Dare and Kris Munroe.

Our clowns.

What is she doing?

Come here.


What are you...
What are you doing!?

I have to talk to you.

You have to do it in
front of 10,000 people?

Just act funny. You act funny.

I can't stand up.

Come on, Bos. Where?

To the tunnel.

Charlie said to watch Section D.

We'll watch it from the tunnel.

What's going on?

Someone's gonna get
killed if we don't get there.

Come on. Huh?

Tomorrow, our country will be

in the hands of
the true patriots.


What is this, children?

Your positions are way off.

You know, that's the
first time they goofed.

Well, they're only human.

I wonder.


You okay, Sabrina?


Between me and the night

you ain't so tough, Gergis.


What's in a name,
you camel eater?

If we hadn't stopped them

they would have shot all
the people in Section D.

And tried to gain control

of an awful lot
of the world's oil.

Were they all from
the same group?

No, no. They're dissidents
from the underground

of six Arab countries.

Wouldn't you know it.

The sheiks come here
for an OPEC meeting

go out for a little

and end up as the
stars in a shooting gallery

and they don't even know it.
- They do now.

They're on their way back
home with presents for the loyal,

and plans to put the
underground six feet lower.

Wait a minute.

What's this expense?

$50 for a belly dancing outfit?

I bought everything
but her perfume.

If we go out of business

I can always go
into belly dancing.

Mm-hm. And I can
always clown around.

And Bosley, we're going
to need 12 more dollars.

What for?

Give them the money, Bosley.

I have a feeling they're
going to buy an old friend

a very old present.

Ah, vintage wine
and a trio of lovelies.

I tell you the truth,
my beauties...

I deserve this.

Now, here's to my
health and your hearts

and may love abound in this

needful world.

You suppose we could
get Mason to reform?

Give up his vino?

Not as long as there's
a water shortage.


All true patriots!