Cardinal Burns (2012–…): Season 2, Episode 3 - Episode #2.3 - full transcript
Hello!
Hello!
Hello!
Hello!
Hello!
Anybody!
Hey! Hey!
Hey, how you doing? Yeah, good.
How are you? Yeah, good, good.
How funny. How funny.
You still in..?
Crouch End, yeah. Crouch End.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, been there
for a while now, so...
Yeah, it's good though. Yeah?
Yeah, I like it there, yeah.
And you're in..? Camden.
Camden, oh, yeah.
I was in Chalk Farm for a little bit,
but then I went straight back.
It's not far anyway. I used
to work in Chalk Farm. Oh, wow.
Are you still with..? Sarah?
No, we're not together
any more, but... Oh.
Erm, I should probably get going.
OK? Yeah, OK, all right, nice one.
All right, take care.
But you're good, though?
Everything's all right?
Yeah, yeah, all good.
Yeah, you're well?
Yeah, yeah. Well, you know...
considering... Yeah.
All right, cool.
Right, yeah, nice one, bye.
Hello! Hello!
So as you can see,
our second quarter turnover is down.
Sorry to interrupt.
Andy, I just need to flirt with
Louise, Stella, Nicky, Diane...
I'm sorry to be a stickler, new guy.
Actually, we've got quite
a lot of work to get through,
so we really need to crack on.
So you're saying I can flirt?
No, I'm saying the opposite of that.
So I can't flirt?
Now isn't a good time, is it?
So I can't flirt now?
I'd rather you didn't.
But I'm still the office flirt?
Yeah, if you like. Thank you.
So, yeah, if you look at the
figures in front of you...
You're the fire starter,
twisted fire starter.
What's up, NG?
It's a pussy drought.
Haven't seen one
like this since '96.
Yeah, getting a bit thin
on the ground, isn't it?
Oh, well, guess who's just been
made fire warden for the day,
while Steve's away
sick for norovirus?
Oh, this is good news.
We could use this as
a flirtational device. How?
What's this? It's a baked potato.
Not yet, it's still just a potato.
How long would it take
to bake in a microwave?
Seven to eight mins.
And what would happen if you
cooked it for 90 mins?
You'd start a fire! That's right.
Mmm!
..eight, seven, six, five,
four, three, two, one.
Right, this is it!
This is not a drill.
Ow!
This is not a motherfucking drill.
Let's move out, people. Come on!
Nicky, Stella, through that door!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Clear!
Come on, come on, come on, come on!
I need all the guys to form
a queue on my right-hand side,
all the ladies form
a queue to my left.
Let's do this, people. Come on!
Right, OK, ladies,
those of you who are either married
or in a long-term relationship,
please raise your arm for me.
All of those ladies
with their arms raised,
please join the men
on my right-hand side.
Let's go, let's go! Great news.
You can all go home, I'm giving
you the rest of the day off.
What you waiting for?
Seriously, guys, let's go.
Keep going!
All right.
So...
all the single ladies,
all the single ladies.
False alarm, ladies.
It was simply an over-baked potato,
The coast is clear.
OK, you heard the man.
Back in we go. Let's go, girls!
Come on!
Here's a story, right.
About a year ago, I'm at home
and the telephone goes
and I pick up the telephone
and a voice says, "It's Stephen."
I said, "Well, I know
about three Stephens.
"Can you be a bit more specific?"
He said, "Well,
it's Steven Spielberg."
I said, "Now we're
getting somewhere."
He said, "I'm making
a film about Abraham Lincoln
"and I'd like you to play Lincoln."
I said, "Well, that sounds nice."
He said, "How would you like
to come over to Los Angeles
"and have a little face to face?"
I said, "That would be grand."
He said, "Listen, how would you
feel about wearing a fake beard
"for the role of Lincoln?
Because I've tried it on
"and, to be honest with you,
it is a little bit itchy."
"The last thing I want is
two weeks into filming.
"You say, 'It's too itchy, Steven'
"and then you don't
want to do the film."
I said, "Steven, I'll do the film
whether it's itchy or not",
and he said this,
and I like this bit.
He goes, "And that's why
you're Daniel Day-Lewis",
and we had a good old
chuckle about it.
He said, "Listen, when
you get to Los Angeles,
"I'm going to send someone to pick
you up from the plane station."
I said, "Steven, you don't have
to do that, cos I can get a cab."
He said, "I know I don't have to do
it." He said, "I want to do it."
He said, "Don't worry
about the money.
"It doesn't come out of my pocket."
He said, "The company
will pay for it."
I said, "In that case,
you can send a Rolls-Royce!"
And we had a good old
chuckle about it, you know.
He said, "Listen, I've got to go now,
cos given half the chance,
"I'll witter on all day." He said,
"I've got a little film to make",
and here I am a year later and
I'll let you into a little secret -
the beard is quite itchy,
but whatever you do,
don't tell Steven!
Hey-hey! Woo! Get off!
Take his crisps.
Ooh...
Oi! Give me back my nachos!
Give them back to me!
Woo-hoo!
Fat boy! Get off!
Here you are.
Oh, you're clever.
Psst! Hey, you, tugboat.
Come!
Why you let those other boys
push you around, making you cry?
Oh, fuck off!
You have much to learn.
I take you under my wing, innit?
What?! I teach you the way...
of the warrior.
Up and down. Up and down.
It's all in the wrist.
This'll teach you the art
of concentration.
Very nice. How's this
teaching me about punching?
Sh!
A good warrior is always quiet.
Oh, and B-T-W,
when you walk on my rug
with your dirty work shoe,
you must put newspaper down.
They represent the stepping stone
every warrior must cross.
Oh, this is bullshit.
A little bit.
Hey, two-scoops,
how we getting on?
When are we gonna learn
about fighting? Shut up!
You are learning the second and most
important rule of being a warrior -
patience and spacing.
This kid.
Hey, cookie doll, this cocktail bar
coming along real fine.
Well, what I did was I sketched
it out on the paper, cut it out,
I drew it on the MDF and then
just cut it out with a jigsaw.
Then with the other side,
I just made it... Well, family
bucket, now you are human weapon.
Hey, I got you a little present.
It's a token of my, how you say?
Appreciation!
Oh, nachos, smoky cheese flavour.
Well wicked.
Oh, you've eaten half of these,
you fucking prick.
What can I say? Guilty as charged!
Yeah, get them really nice
and straight. That's nice.
Je m'appelle Banksy,
et je suis un artiste de la rue.
The reason why I'm speaking French
is cos this weekend,
we're playing host to Le Rat,
the godfather of French street art.
Thanks for letting Le Rat
use your bedroom, Daniel.
Whatever. 'We've been in
correspondence for a while, '
so I suppose in some ways,
you could call us pen pals.
Le Rat! Le Rat, ici!
Le Rat, ici!
'Now this man is a true
visionary, a renegade, '
and I for one can't wait to see
what he's got up his sleeve.
Hello, Banksy. Bienvenue!
How exciting is this, eh?
Le Rat in Hadley Wood.
How was the journey?
Did you get your connecting train OK?
Shall we go? Yeah, let's go.
'Le Rat comes with a
dangerous reputation
'and he's not afraid
to push the envelope.'
Sorry about the mess.
Well, you certainly brought
the weather with you.
Entrez, entrez.
This is my wife, Jill.
Le Rat. Welcome.
Bonjour. Hello, Jill.
Oh, is that for me? No.
And this is my stepson, Daniel.
Jill's son from a previous marriage.
You all right? And these are my
biological children, James and Sarah.
Say hello!
- Bonjour.
- That's right!
So, do they have
Pret A Manger in France?
Jill had prepared an
incredible French spread,
giving Le Rat and I a chance
to really talk shop.
Well, I've had a good
couple of years, you know?
I've sold a few pics,
shifted a few books.
Keeps me in cars and toys.
So, Le Rat, tomorrow we thought
we'd get up bright and early,
maybe go to the RAF museum
before hitting Bicester village,
and then in the evening, we've
managed to get tickets for Stomp.
I'm not interested
in Stomp, Banksy.
We are street artists.
The street is our canvas.
Why don't we go create now?
What, now? Yes, now!
Yeah, all right. Sod it!
Now!
Yeah, I would say
if we're gonna go now,
let's avoid London city centre,
cos it is gonna be pandemonium.
Let's stick to Hadley Wood.
Allez, allons-y.
OK, allons-ys.
'I believe that spontaneity lies at
the heart of all great street art.'
That is top-notch stuff.
Look at that control, Daniel.
How do you say "top-notch"
in French, Le Rat?
Tiptop.
"Tiptop."
Oh, no.
It's my brother-in-law, Douglas.
You do know you're illegally parked?
Ah!
All right, Douglas. Pulling
your chain. How are you, Banks?
Yeah, all right, how are you?
You all right? This is your...
Is this your pen friend? Bonjour.
How long you over here for?
He's just over here for the weekend.
Got anything planned?
Well, I was gonna take him
to the RAF museum tomorrow.
Oh, yeah, yeah, they've got that
interactive Chinook exhibition.
But, failing that, you could
always take him to Monkey World.
Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Uncle Douglas!
Shit, shit, shit!
Le Rat, you just shot Douglas!
He knows too much.
Le Rat, could I see that, please?
Oh, what?!
Jill's gonna go 'narners!
I thought you were an anarchist!
I AM an anarchist, tenfold,
but I've got my limits!
Put that down, Daniel, put it down!
No, don't point it at Daddy.
Ah! Oh, shit!
Daniel... you just shot... Daddy.
Oh, my days. Daddy's...
Daddy's feeling very sleepy.
Daniel.
Good luck in your life, Daniel.
Now go!
'We haven't seen Le Rat since.'
Last I heard, he'd blown up a
Pret A Manger in London city centre.
I guess the moral to this story
is "don't trust the French."
PR has always been
a huge part of my life.
That's just not good enough.
It's lazy. And this week,
this busy little bee was starting up
her own public relations agency.
Look out, London,
you're about to get stung.
Let's get that done by three o'clock
today, that'd be great.
It's Monday morning and I'm
recruiting for my new PR agency.
OK, let's start.
First candidate, please.
It's Yumi, isn't it?
Yeah.
So what do you think you can
bring to Belvedere?
I am people person, very good under
pressure and the strong work ethic.
Hold up your sign so I can see it.
Thank you.
Now I have to ask this
because the job requires it,
but how are you with early starts?
I am early bird catching the worm.
Thank you.
OK, I've thought long and hard about
this and I've made my decision.
Yumi, we just don't cluck.
For me and for everyone here
at Belvedere PR, that is crucial.
I want this so bad.
Rachel, please!
Olivia, you've made it. Welcome to
Belvedere PR. How do you feel?
Deflated. Not you - her.
I feel great.
Today was the launch
of Tinkerbell Cupcakes
and, as anyone will tell you, the trick
to all good PR is creating a buzz.
Everyone's saying Tinkerbell
Cupcakes are really taking off.
That's great, we've created a buzz.
Cupycake? Hi. Cupycake?
Cupycake?
Cupycake?
That's good.
Let's keep these upright.
Hi, my name is Timothy Hilton.
Hi, Timothy.
I run a chain of hotels you may have
heard of called Premier Welcome Inn.
Wow. I heard there was a real
buzz around these cupcakes.
I'd like to trial them
across our chain.
Oh, wow! Um... yeah.
It's a potentially very
lucrative contract,
so trust me -
you don't want to fuck it up.
Ah...
Ah...
Ah...
..choo!
Right, the deal's off.
Come on, everyone, we're leaving.
Timothy Hilton, no!
Cupycake?
It's cup-cake, you bat!
Rachel! Please!
Next week on Young Dreams...
I organise my first photo shoot.
And let me see those big blue eyes,
and pout those lips.
Shake that little bootie of yours.
Yumi goes shoplifting.
And I give Olivia a new haircut.
Oh, my God, it's so you.
Right, that's me done.
I finished the grouting
in the bathroom, I laid
down the flooring, so unless there's
anything else, think I'll get going.
Good job, Man Boob. You have proved
your immovable force, like marble,
but the true warrior is
also fluid like water.
And the only way to become like water is
to build a water feature in my garden.
So I suppose that's going to teach me
about courage and honour then, is it?
Yeah, yeah.
Something like that.
So what sort of thing you
got in mind, then?
Japanese water garden, or Tuscany
shabby-chic type of thing?
I don't know. Surprise me,
why don't you?
I'll see what I can do. Now go!
Hey, Bingo Wing, how we getting on?
Hang on.
And there she blows.
I'm quite pleased with that.
A true warrior is never content.
He should always move forward.
Oh, save it, Chin,
when's the koi carp arriving?
Oh, I don't know.
Got to e-mail the guy, innit.
Some problem with his van or
some bullshit.
Oh, that's a shame.
It'd be good to see them in situ.
Anyway, here's a little
token of my appreciation.
Oh, nachos! Multi-pack. Wicked.
Oh, you little cock,
you've eaten all the good ones.
I can't argue with that.
Fact, the school rookies,
I'm back to school bully.
Packing tools fully you
pack the real puss.
Ooh!
So smilers, looking like that?
All right, new contender up-to-date.
Curtis, where you at from?
Excuse me, here we go. Excuse me.
Let's go. Come on.
No way. Set it up.
You supposed to be standing in front
of us all opposing me.
I'm a king and you're a fool to me,
you're never coming close to me.
Smoke you like a reefer, I'm the
fire, you're the crow to me.
In fact, you should worship me
like beads upon a rosary.
Oh!
That's going to be a hard
one to come back from.
That's OK. Here we go.
Are you ready for this?
Are you ready? Hit it.
One, two, I buckle my shoe.
Three, now the four,
I get on the floor.
A five, six,
get your rhythm sticks.
Seven, eight, nine, ten,
let's go again.
I said lay on five, on the side,
up above, down below.
Sorry, but you're too slow to play
all five.
Ha-ha ha, ha-ha!
Yeah, buddy, then want some... I don't
mean to brag, I don't mean to boast,
but I'm like hot
butter on warm toast.
I'm smooth to the groove,
I get enough to eat.
I take my tea with two sugars -
just like me, it's sweet.
Christmas time comes once a year,
it's the time to give good cheer.
Kisses under the mistletoe, look out
the window, it's starting to snow.
Are you supposed to be standing...?
Oh, ladies, in the place to be.
I'm a loverman, it's plain to see.
I move from the east,
I move from the west,
when it comes to good loving
I'll pass the test.
Hey, ha-ha ha, ha-ha ha, ha-ha ha-ha
ha, ha-ha ha,
hee hee heh, ha-ha ha, ha-ha...
ha-ha... huh...
Hey, you two, get a room. Ha-ha!
Oh, I love the hat,
I hate the hat.
Hey, you, save me some - I mean it.
Ah!
Hey, hey, smile, Chuppa Chup.
Oh, fuck off, Chin, I'm serving.
So, what do you think of my party?
Well, you do have some
interesting friends.
I like to mix in some very
colourful circles.
You know, Chin,
when I first met you, I thought
you were a bit of a cock,
but now I've gotten to know you,
you do have a good attitude to life.
Although you do have
illusions of grandeur.
I do like to, how you say,
pamper myself. Ooh!
And then I just added some nutmeg
to give it some spice.
I'd love to stand here
and take the credit
but I just followed a recipe.
Oh, excuse me.
Honestly, what are people like?
Unbelievable.
Yeah, what do you want?
Woo, look at me! Hula hoop!
Hey Dum Chuck, where the music?
Oh, calm down! Where am I going to
get 500 quid from? I'm only 12.
Oh, prawn ball, tell me you didn't!
It was an accident. Tell him, Chin.
Listen, Mr Budgie Smuggler,
can't we just come to some kind of,
how you say, agreement?
That's £500. OK.
This is it, Cheese Puff, your training finally
complete. Now you're ready to be a warrior,
ready for battle! Oh, get fucked, Chin, look at the
size of him. No, no, no, you're definitely ready.
Oh, you really are a cunt!
Oh, fuck! Ah! Ah!
Oh, oh!
Oh, Chin! Don't just stand there!
Do something.
Well, there you have it,
ladies and gentlemen.
But don't worry, he'll bounce back.
Ow!
Well, my mum said you were
weird. Do something!
Hello!
Hello!
Hello!
Hello!
Anybody!
Hey! Hey!
Hey, how you doing? Yeah, good.
How are you? Yeah, good, good.
How funny. How funny.
You still in..?
Crouch End, yeah. Crouch End.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, been there
for a while now, so...
Yeah, it's good though. Yeah?
Yeah, I like it there, yeah.
And you're in..? Camden.
Camden, oh, yeah.
I was in Chalk Farm for a little bit,
but then I went straight back.
It's not far anyway. I used
to work in Chalk Farm. Oh, wow.
Are you still with..? Sarah?
No, we're not together
any more, but... Oh.
Erm, I should probably get going.
OK? Yeah, OK, all right, nice one.
All right, take care.
But you're good, though?
Everything's all right?
Yeah, yeah, all good.
Yeah, you're well?
Yeah, yeah. Well, you know...
considering... Yeah.
All right, cool.
Right, yeah, nice one, bye.
Hello! Hello!
So as you can see,
our second quarter turnover is down.
Sorry to interrupt.
Andy, I just need to flirt with
Louise, Stella, Nicky, Diane...
I'm sorry to be a stickler, new guy.
Actually, we've got quite
a lot of work to get through,
so we really need to crack on.
So you're saying I can flirt?
No, I'm saying the opposite of that.
So I can't flirt?
Now isn't a good time, is it?
So I can't flirt now?
I'd rather you didn't.
But I'm still the office flirt?
Yeah, if you like. Thank you.
So, yeah, if you look at the
figures in front of you...
You're the fire starter,
twisted fire starter.
What's up, NG?
It's a pussy drought.
Haven't seen one
like this since '96.
Yeah, getting a bit thin
on the ground, isn't it?
Oh, well, guess who's just been
made fire warden for the day,
while Steve's away
sick for norovirus?
Oh, this is good news.
We could use this as
a flirtational device. How?
What's this? It's a baked potato.
Not yet, it's still just a potato.
How long would it take
to bake in a microwave?
Seven to eight mins.
And what would happen if you
cooked it for 90 mins?
You'd start a fire! That's right.
Mmm!
..eight, seven, six, five,
four, three, two, one.
Right, this is it!
This is not a drill.
Ow!
This is not a motherfucking drill.
Let's move out, people. Come on!
Nicky, Stella, through that door!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Clear!
Come on, come on, come on, come on!
I need all the guys to form
a queue on my right-hand side,
all the ladies form
a queue to my left.
Let's do this, people. Come on!
Right, OK, ladies,
those of you who are either married
or in a long-term relationship,
please raise your arm for me.
All of those ladies
with their arms raised,
please join the men
on my right-hand side.
Let's go, let's go! Great news.
You can all go home, I'm giving
you the rest of the day off.
What you waiting for?
Seriously, guys, let's go.
Keep going!
All right.
So...
all the single ladies,
all the single ladies.
False alarm, ladies.
It was simply an over-baked potato,
The coast is clear.
OK, you heard the man.
Back in we go. Let's go, girls!
Come on!
Here's a story, right.
About a year ago, I'm at home
and the telephone goes
and I pick up the telephone
and a voice says, "It's Stephen."
I said, "Well, I know
about three Stephens.
"Can you be a bit more specific?"
He said, "Well,
it's Steven Spielberg."
I said, "Now we're
getting somewhere."
He said, "I'm making
a film about Abraham Lincoln
"and I'd like you to play Lincoln."
I said, "Well, that sounds nice."
He said, "How would you like
to come over to Los Angeles
"and have a little face to face?"
I said, "That would be grand."
He said, "Listen, how would you
feel about wearing a fake beard
"for the role of Lincoln?
Because I've tried it on
"and, to be honest with you,
it is a little bit itchy."
"The last thing I want is
two weeks into filming.
"You say, 'It's too itchy, Steven'
"and then you don't
want to do the film."
I said, "Steven, I'll do the film
whether it's itchy or not",
and he said this,
and I like this bit.
He goes, "And that's why
you're Daniel Day-Lewis",
and we had a good old
chuckle about it.
He said, "Listen, when
you get to Los Angeles,
"I'm going to send someone to pick
you up from the plane station."
I said, "Steven, you don't have
to do that, cos I can get a cab."
He said, "I know I don't have to do
it." He said, "I want to do it."
He said, "Don't worry
about the money.
"It doesn't come out of my pocket."
He said, "The company
will pay for it."
I said, "In that case,
you can send a Rolls-Royce!"
And we had a good old
chuckle about it, you know.
He said, "Listen, I've got to go now,
cos given half the chance,
"I'll witter on all day." He said,
"I've got a little film to make",
and here I am a year later and
I'll let you into a little secret -
the beard is quite itchy,
but whatever you do,
don't tell Steven!
Hey-hey! Woo! Get off!
Take his crisps.
Ooh...
Oi! Give me back my nachos!
Give them back to me!
Woo-hoo!
Fat boy! Get off!
Here you are.
Oh, you're clever.
Psst! Hey, you, tugboat.
Come!
Why you let those other boys
push you around, making you cry?
Oh, fuck off!
You have much to learn.
I take you under my wing, innit?
What?! I teach you the way...
of the warrior.
Up and down. Up and down.
It's all in the wrist.
This'll teach you the art
of concentration.
Very nice. How's this
teaching me about punching?
Sh!
A good warrior is always quiet.
Oh, and B-T-W,
when you walk on my rug
with your dirty work shoe,
you must put newspaper down.
They represent the stepping stone
every warrior must cross.
Oh, this is bullshit.
A little bit.
Hey, two-scoops,
how we getting on?
When are we gonna learn
about fighting? Shut up!
You are learning the second and most
important rule of being a warrior -
patience and spacing.
This kid.
Hey, cookie doll, this cocktail bar
coming along real fine.
Well, what I did was I sketched
it out on the paper, cut it out,
I drew it on the MDF and then
just cut it out with a jigsaw.
Then with the other side,
I just made it... Well, family
bucket, now you are human weapon.
Hey, I got you a little present.
It's a token of my, how you say?
Appreciation!
Oh, nachos, smoky cheese flavour.
Well wicked.
Oh, you've eaten half of these,
you fucking prick.
What can I say? Guilty as charged!
Yeah, get them really nice
and straight. That's nice.
Je m'appelle Banksy,
et je suis un artiste de la rue.
The reason why I'm speaking French
is cos this weekend,
we're playing host to Le Rat,
the godfather of French street art.
Thanks for letting Le Rat
use your bedroom, Daniel.
Whatever. 'We've been in
correspondence for a while, '
so I suppose in some ways,
you could call us pen pals.
Le Rat! Le Rat, ici!
Le Rat, ici!
'Now this man is a true
visionary, a renegade, '
and I for one can't wait to see
what he's got up his sleeve.
Hello, Banksy. Bienvenue!
How exciting is this, eh?
Le Rat in Hadley Wood.
How was the journey?
Did you get your connecting train OK?
Shall we go? Yeah, let's go.
'Le Rat comes with a
dangerous reputation
'and he's not afraid
to push the envelope.'
Sorry about the mess.
Well, you certainly brought
the weather with you.
Entrez, entrez.
This is my wife, Jill.
Le Rat. Welcome.
Bonjour. Hello, Jill.
Oh, is that for me? No.
And this is my stepson, Daniel.
Jill's son from a previous marriage.
You all right? And these are my
biological children, James and Sarah.
Say hello!
- Bonjour.
- That's right!
So, do they have
Pret A Manger in France?
Jill had prepared an
incredible French spread,
giving Le Rat and I a chance
to really talk shop.
Well, I've had a good
couple of years, you know?
I've sold a few pics,
shifted a few books.
Keeps me in cars and toys.
So, Le Rat, tomorrow we thought
we'd get up bright and early,
maybe go to the RAF museum
before hitting Bicester village,
and then in the evening, we've
managed to get tickets for Stomp.
I'm not interested
in Stomp, Banksy.
We are street artists.
The street is our canvas.
Why don't we go create now?
What, now? Yes, now!
Yeah, all right. Sod it!
Now!
Yeah, I would say
if we're gonna go now,
let's avoid London city centre,
cos it is gonna be pandemonium.
Let's stick to Hadley Wood.
Allez, allons-y.
OK, allons-ys.
'I believe that spontaneity lies at
the heart of all great street art.'
That is top-notch stuff.
Look at that control, Daniel.
How do you say "top-notch"
in French, Le Rat?
Tiptop.
"Tiptop."
Oh, no.
It's my brother-in-law, Douglas.
You do know you're illegally parked?
Ah!
All right, Douglas. Pulling
your chain. How are you, Banks?
Yeah, all right, how are you?
You all right? This is your...
Is this your pen friend? Bonjour.
How long you over here for?
He's just over here for the weekend.
Got anything planned?
Well, I was gonna take him
to the RAF museum tomorrow.
Oh, yeah, yeah, they've got that
interactive Chinook exhibition.
But, failing that, you could
always take him to Monkey World.
Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Uncle Douglas!
Shit, shit, shit!
Le Rat, you just shot Douglas!
He knows too much.
Le Rat, could I see that, please?
Oh, what?!
Jill's gonna go 'narners!
I thought you were an anarchist!
I AM an anarchist, tenfold,
but I've got my limits!
Put that down, Daniel, put it down!
No, don't point it at Daddy.
Ah! Oh, shit!
Daniel... you just shot... Daddy.
Oh, my days. Daddy's...
Daddy's feeling very sleepy.
Daniel.
Good luck in your life, Daniel.
Now go!
'We haven't seen Le Rat since.'
Last I heard, he'd blown up a
Pret A Manger in London city centre.
I guess the moral to this story
is "don't trust the French."
PR has always been
a huge part of my life.
That's just not good enough.
It's lazy. And this week,
this busy little bee was starting up
her own public relations agency.
Look out, London,
you're about to get stung.
Let's get that done by three o'clock
today, that'd be great.
It's Monday morning and I'm
recruiting for my new PR agency.
OK, let's start.
First candidate, please.
It's Yumi, isn't it?
Yeah.
So what do you think you can
bring to Belvedere?
I am people person, very good under
pressure and the strong work ethic.
Hold up your sign so I can see it.
Thank you.
Now I have to ask this
because the job requires it,
but how are you with early starts?
I am early bird catching the worm.
Thank you.
OK, I've thought long and hard about
this and I've made my decision.
Yumi, we just don't cluck.
For me and for everyone here
at Belvedere PR, that is crucial.
I want this so bad.
Rachel, please!
Olivia, you've made it. Welcome to
Belvedere PR. How do you feel?
Deflated. Not you - her.
I feel great.
Today was the launch
of Tinkerbell Cupcakes
and, as anyone will tell you, the trick
to all good PR is creating a buzz.
Everyone's saying Tinkerbell
Cupcakes are really taking off.
That's great, we've created a buzz.
Cupycake? Hi. Cupycake?
Cupycake?
Cupycake?
That's good.
Let's keep these upright.
Hi, my name is Timothy Hilton.
Hi, Timothy.
I run a chain of hotels you may have
heard of called Premier Welcome Inn.
Wow. I heard there was a real
buzz around these cupcakes.
I'd like to trial them
across our chain.
Oh, wow! Um... yeah.
It's a potentially very
lucrative contract,
so trust me -
you don't want to fuck it up.
Ah...
Ah...
Ah...
..choo!
Right, the deal's off.
Come on, everyone, we're leaving.
Timothy Hilton, no!
Cupycake?
It's cup-cake, you bat!
Rachel! Please!
Next week on Young Dreams...
I organise my first photo shoot.
And let me see those big blue eyes,
and pout those lips.
Shake that little bootie of yours.
Yumi goes shoplifting.
And I give Olivia a new haircut.
Oh, my God, it's so you.
Right, that's me done.
I finished the grouting
in the bathroom, I laid
down the flooring, so unless there's
anything else, think I'll get going.
Good job, Man Boob. You have proved
your immovable force, like marble,
but the true warrior is
also fluid like water.
And the only way to become like water is
to build a water feature in my garden.
So I suppose that's going to teach me
about courage and honour then, is it?
Yeah, yeah.
Something like that.
So what sort of thing you
got in mind, then?
Japanese water garden, or Tuscany
shabby-chic type of thing?
I don't know. Surprise me,
why don't you?
I'll see what I can do. Now go!
Hey, Bingo Wing, how we getting on?
Hang on.
And there she blows.
I'm quite pleased with that.
A true warrior is never content.
He should always move forward.
Oh, save it, Chin,
when's the koi carp arriving?
Oh, I don't know.
Got to e-mail the guy, innit.
Some problem with his van or
some bullshit.
Oh, that's a shame.
It'd be good to see them in situ.
Anyway, here's a little
token of my appreciation.
Oh, nachos! Multi-pack. Wicked.
Oh, you little cock,
you've eaten all the good ones.
I can't argue with that.
Fact, the school rookies,
I'm back to school bully.
Packing tools fully you
pack the real puss.
Ooh!
So smilers, looking like that?
All right, new contender up-to-date.
Curtis, where you at from?
Excuse me, here we go. Excuse me.
Let's go. Come on.
No way. Set it up.
You supposed to be standing in front
of us all opposing me.
I'm a king and you're a fool to me,
you're never coming close to me.
Smoke you like a reefer, I'm the
fire, you're the crow to me.
In fact, you should worship me
like beads upon a rosary.
Oh!
That's going to be a hard
one to come back from.
That's OK. Here we go.
Are you ready for this?
Are you ready? Hit it.
One, two, I buckle my shoe.
Three, now the four,
I get on the floor.
A five, six,
get your rhythm sticks.
Seven, eight, nine, ten,
let's go again.
I said lay on five, on the side,
up above, down below.
Sorry, but you're too slow to play
all five.
Ha-ha ha, ha-ha!
Yeah, buddy, then want some... I don't
mean to brag, I don't mean to boast,
but I'm like hot
butter on warm toast.
I'm smooth to the groove,
I get enough to eat.
I take my tea with two sugars -
just like me, it's sweet.
Christmas time comes once a year,
it's the time to give good cheer.
Kisses under the mistletoe, look out
the window, it's starting to snow.
Are you supposed to be standing...?
Oh, ladies, in the place to be.
I'm a loverman, it's plain to see.
I move from the east,
I move from the west,
when it comes to good loving
I'll pass the test.
Hey, ha-ha ha, ha-ha ha, ha-ha ha-ha
ha, ha-ha ha,
hee hee heh, ha-ha ha, ha-ha...
ha-ha... huh...
Hey, you two, get a room. Ha-ha!
Oh, I love the hat,
I hate the hat.
Hey, you, save me some - I mean it.
Ah!
Hey, hey, smile, Chuppa Chup.
Oh, fuck off, Chin, I'm serving.
So, what do you think of my party?
Well, you do have some
interesting friends.
I like to mix in some very
colourful circles.
You know, Chin,
when I first met you, I thought
you were a bit of a cock,
but now I've gotten to know you,
you do have a good attitude to life.
Although you do have
illusions of grandeur.
I do like to, how you say,
pamper myself. Ooh!
And then I just added some nutmeg
to give it some spice.
I'd love to stand here
and take the credit
but I just followed a recipe.
Oh, excuse me.
Honestly, what are people like?
Unbelievable.
Yeah, what do you want?
Woo, look at me! Hula hoop!
Hey Dum Chuck, where the music?
Oh, calm down! Where am I going to
get 500 quid from? I'm only 12.
Oh, prawn ball, tell me you didn't!
It was an accident. Tell him, Chin.
Listen, Mr Budgie Smuggler,
can't we just come to some kind of,
how you say, agreement?
That's £500. OK.
This is it, Cheese Puff, your training finally
complete. Now you're ready to be a warrior,
ready for battle! Oh, get fucked, Chin, look at the
size of him. No, no, no, you're definitely ready.
Oh, you really are a cunt!
Oh, fuck! Ah! Ah!
Oh, oh!
Oh, Chin! Don't just stand there!
Do something.
Well, there you have it,
ladies and gentlemen.
But don't worry, he'll bounce back.
Ow!
Well, my mum said you were
weird. Do something!