CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (2000–2015): Season 10, Episode 9 - Appendicitement - full transcript
Nick, Greg and Hodges 'abduct' unamused colleague Henry for what they claim will reverse his history of miserable birthdays at dream barbecue Henry's Hog restaurant, way in the desert. After a long drive and a near-serious crash which wrecks the car, they find the place closed since 5 months for hepatitis hazard. Inside are the corpse of cook Gomez and a raccoon attached to his battered. They only people who turn up are the night watcher Slick and his hag driver Shirley, former colleagues and lovers, until Nick makes another horrible discovery. Meanwhile Asian Lily's help call failed to get the police in time to prevent her drowning in the bath tub of house owner Bernard Higgins, who maintains his innocence until his incurable illnesses are fatally aggravated by the stress of Brass's hostile interrogation. The autopsy really gets Langston's attention, given a Dr. Jeckyl signature and second potential cause of death.
Yeah, I need you back here
as soon as possible, Ray.
We're holding down the fort tonight.
I just collected the
last finger on my 4-20.
I'll be on my way after that.
Okay.
Good night, Catherine.
Thank you for the time off.
Go, before I change my mind.
Good night, John.
Hey! What the...?!
Look, buddy, you got the
wrong guy! That hurt! Ow! Ow!
- Hit it! All clear. Get moving.
- What the hell?!
- My arm!
- Shut up!
Look, what do you want from me?
You know what we want.
I don't. I swear to God.
I don't know anything.
That's not what Harry says.
Who's Harry?
Don't be stupid, Henry.
Now's no time to play dumb.
'Cause Harry don't like
it when people play dumb.
Understand?
Please, look, if you
just give me a hint,
I'll tell you anything you want to know.
Oh, my God!
No...
Happy birthday, Henry.
What?
Happy birthday! Hey, man!
You scared the crap out of me!
What's the matter with you idiots?!
Hey, hey, come on! I'm driving!
It was all for a laugh! God!
Henry, my friend, you are
about to have the best birthday
of your life, because we are taking you
to the one, the only,
Harry's Hog Hideout.
- Yeah!
- What's a hog hideout?
It's only the best
barbecue known to mankind.
It's a little bit of a drive,
but don't worry. Greg knows where it is.
I thought you said you knew where it is.
It's just a bit of a drive, y'all.
Look, if this place, if it's so great,
then how come I've never heard of it?
Come on, man.
A little trust, baby.
Come on. It's your birthday.
- Yeah.
- I hate my birthdays.
They always suck.
Oh, great, we got a
full moon tonight, too,
so every nut job in
the state will be out.
I'm surprised at you, Henry.
There's absolutely no
statistical evidence linking
lunar cycles to an
increase in irrational,
careless, or criminal behavior.
Are you sure about that?
Ow!
Everybody okay? Huh?
- You got a little something.
- What?
Aah, I think I sprained my ankle.
Damn!
I rolled that bad boy, didn't I?
I'd say.
Anybody got cell phone service?
- Nope. -
Uh-uh. No.
Doesn't really matter.
Harry's is about a mile
up that way, I think.
We can walk it.
Whoo!
Gee...
- Thanks.
- Here you go.
Thanks, brother.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Let's go. Ow!
Gentlemen, we've arrived.
Doesn't look real open, does it?
"Notice:
"Closed by the Board of Health.
"Suspected point of origin:
a hepatitis B outbreak.
Date of
closure: 7-3-09."
Oops.
That's five months ago.
Nice. You were gonna give me hepatitis
for my birthday. Thanks.
Still got no reception.
All right, maybe there's
a working phone inside.
Let's take a look around.
Happy birthday.
I think we got a dead body here, boys.
Best birthday ever.
It appears this man has a large
raccoon sticking to his face.
Ah. Procyon lotor.
The common North American raccoon.
This is quite a specimen, too.
Bet that sucker weighs
at least 30 pounds.
357 in his hand.
No blood pool around the body.
No apparent entry wounds.
No signs of decomp.
This is a recent event, fellas.
The entire upper half of his body
looks like it was singed.
Hey. Let's roll him.
Oh, no, I... I'm not a coroner.
Greg, help me out here.
Take a look back there.
No apparent entry wounds on
the posterior aspect, either.
Okay.
Maybe the raccoon leapt
through that window ninja-style,
and before this guy could shoot it,
it landed on him and
chewed his face off.
Well, I guess we should call it in, huh?
Oh, that's right.
We've got no reception.
Well, it looks like something
propelled them both through that window
at a high velocity.
All right, I tell you what.
Greg, you and Hodges take
a look around outside.
I'm going to clear this building,
see if I can find a phone.
Henry...
stay with the body.
My pleasure.
You come here often?
911 operator. What is your emergency?
Please help me!
He's trying to kill me!
Ma'am, please try and remain calm.
Try to get to a safe place, but stay
on the line with me. Do you understand?
Ma'am? Ma'am?
Are you still with me?
Dispatch, possible person in distress.
917 Villacot? Circle.
Please respond.
Got one body-- female
in the bathroom.
No pulse. I'll call it in.
Roger that. I'm still
clearing the first floor.
I'm checking the other rooms.
Somebody help!
But when help arrived, it was too late.
The victim lay dead on the floor,
and the killer had vanished.
Sir, you need to wake up.
Sir, Las Vegas Police Department.
You need to wake up, sir.
Hey, Mr. Higgins, wake up.
He just keeps nodding off, sir.
Come on, man.
Bernard, come on!
What...?
Why are you guys in my house?!
Because there's a dead
girl in your bathroom.
What?!
There's a pattern of reddish
abrasions ringing her neck,
consistent with somebody
forcing her head underwater.
With her fighting back,
that's a noisy way to go.
I'm gonna see what's
up with sleeping beauty
- in the other room.
- All right.
David, anchors aweigh.
- Okay, ready?
- Yep.
Cath?
There's something in her arm.
Looks like a broken hypodermic.
In other words,
she might've been drugged.
Her name is Lily.
Lily Chow Ping.
What was your relationship to her?
Girlfriend, I guess you could say.
She was just gonna take a
bath and wake me up in an hour.
We were gonna go for dinner.
So you're telling me you
slept through the whole attack?
Attack?!
Oh, God, there was an attack...
I have apnea.
Which means I have a
chronic sleep deficit.
When I put on the machine,
I'm dead to the world.
Who would want to kill Lily?
Well, that's what
we're here to find out.
You o... you okay?
I have Crohn's disease.
You know what that is?
Yes, an inflammatory disorder
of undetermined etiology.
It ulcerates the intestine.
It can be very painful.
You can't get rid of it, which is why
I feel like my guts are
on fire all the time.
Well, do you need medical attention?
- No. Not at the moment.
- Okay, then come with us.
We have some more questions.
Oh, Lily, God.
A woman was attacked and violently
drowned in his own bathroom
and he says he slept
through the whole thing?
Well, being connected
to a CPAP is kind of like
being connected to a ventilator.
It's a noisy machine, and
it's a reasonable alibi.
And Mr. Higgins knows a
lot about reasonable alibis.
He's a big fan of true crime.
Compressed ethylene gas.
Used book of matches.
Somebody's been playing with fire.
Gee, I wonder who.
Gnawed bones and trash
at the bottom of a barrel.
Raccoon bait.
Really?
You know, I had a hat
like that when I was a kid.
Except I wore it on the back of my head.
The other kids would make fun of me
and occasionally beat
me up, but I didn't care,
'cause I was...
¶ Davy, Davy Crockett ¶
¶ King of the wild frontier ¶
- Hold it right there.
- Oh!
I'll unload both barrels on you
and I'll turn you into a pink mist.
Don't you think I won't.
Did you kill my friend?
Well, I go away and come back.
He's dead and you're here.
Put that gun down on the floor.
And end up like Gomez?
I don't think so. You think I'm crazy?
Calm down.
- Yes, please calm down.
- You calm down!
Hey, we're law enforcement.
Put that gun down right now!
No!
Look, you may get a shot off.
You may even kill my young friend there.
But then I will unload on you.
I can't miss from here
and you don't wanna be
dead, now, do you?
You're a cop.
That's right.
Mystery solved, gentlemen,
courtesy of the A-Team--
Whoa! Who the hell are you?!
I just work in the lab.
We're crime scene investigators.
I'm gonna reach in my pocket
and I'm gonna show you my badge.
Lookie here.
See that?
That's legit.
There you go. Nobody has to get hurt.
Yeah, tell that to Gomez.
Give me that shotgun.
You all cops?
Here you go.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, good man.
Uh, sir, I think we can explain
what happened to your friend.
You see, it looks like he
baited the pipe out back
to lure the raccoons,
filled it with ethylene gas
and then tried to ignite it.
Unfortunately, he didn't realize that
the gas was pooling at the bottom
so, when he resorted to other methods...
It was an accident.
That's Raccoonzilla.
In life, he and Gomez
was locked into a hatred
that surpasseth understanding.
Uh... Raccoonzilla?
Well, that's the meanest,
vilest rodent that
ever strode the planet.
Technically, not a rodent.
What?
You're book-smart.
Gomez...
he was a good man.
You kept to yourself,
but you always had a smile
and a helping hand for others.
You're gonna be missed.
I saw him alive less than an hour ago.
How in the hell did you
boys get here so fast?
We're off duty.
We came for the ribs.
And the hepatitis.
What are you doing here?
I'm the handyman.
Well, I was the handyman.
I'm the night watchman now.
- Do you have a
car? - Uh-uh, no.
A buddy dropped me off.
Somebody's coming.
That'd be Shirley, Harry's wife.
Where is Harry anyway?
I'd better let Shirley tell you.
Damn it all to hell!
Who put that pig there?
Who are these assclowns?
Gomez was an artist.
He was a genius with the flesh of a pig.
Kept all his recipes locked
up secret inside his head.
Now, why did you have to go do
that to yourself, you dumbass?
Now we are never gonna
get this place reopened.
You can always hire another chef.
No...
No one cooks swine like Gomez did.
He's the heartbeat of this place.
I thought Harry was.
He was nothing but the front man.
Yeah, where is Harry?
Bastard cleared out the accounts,
took off six months ago.
A month later, Board
of Health shut us down.
Wouldn't surprise me
if Harry had something
to do with that, too.
If I ever catch up to him,
I'm gonna wring his ass dry.
At least I've got the martini olives.
So, Greg says that the car is toast.
And reeking of alcohol.
I think that this is the same
broad that ran us off the road.
Yeah, that's what we just said.
All right, we gotta find a way
to get some backup out here.
Hey, is there not a working
phone in here anywhere?
No.
There's a ham radio buried in the back.
Keep an eye on her.
That broken needle in the victim's arm
contained ketamine.
- Party drug.
- Prelim tox on the victim
shows no traces of
ketamine in her system.
Maybe the party hadn't gotten started.
According to your measurements,
the fragment we
extracted from the victim
was part of a 16-gauge needle.
Right.
The only needles we found
at Bernard Higgins' house
were 31-gauge.
He could've had a different
kit for his recreational stuff.
What about this bloody piece of metal
that was found on the
floor under the recliner?
It's high-grade stainless steel,
probably from a hand tool.
Maybe scissors or a pair of snips.
I'm running the blood for DNA.
Well, if it comes back the vic's,
Bernard's got a serious problem.
You have to believe me.
I would never hurt Lily.
We, we loved each other.
I wouldn't expect a man
like you to understand
how this petite, exquisite creature
could love a man like me, but I...
Our hearts touched.
She used to call me...
It's Mandarin for "bountiful panda."
Sounds a lot sexier in Mandarin.
Listen,
I'm just not seeing it that way.
In fact, I think she came
to tell you that it was over.
She was tired of banging Sasquatch.
So you kind of got all jammed up.
You roughed her up.
You roofed her with ketamine.
That didn't work.
She ran away. She called 911.
So you had to kill her.
You've got it all wrong.
I'm a very sick man.
You have to believe me...
Cut the crap, Bernie. Come on.
Sorry.
I'm a narcoleptic.
It's a very serious disease.
But it never stopped me from
making a success of myself.
When I'm under stress, it gets worse.
Tell me about the beautiful friend Lily.
She comes to Vegas once
in a while on a layover.
Oh.
She was an international
flight attendant.
And, yes, all right, I
would pay her expenses
when she was in town.
Show her a good time...
You know, Bernie...
you're beginning to try
my patience a little bit.
Come on.
Bernie.
Stick with me now.
Call my doctor if you
don't believe me, all right?
I can't sleep.
I just drop off when
I'm under... stre...
Bernie.
Bernie!
Hey. Bountiful!
Bountiful Panda...
Uh-oh.
Ooh.
There's a radio here somewhere.
I know that, uh...
Lift it up...
Ah. Here.
Be careful.
Oh, that's a...
That's just a walk-in.
No radio in there.
I
- I wouldn't go in there, if I was you.
You don't move, Slick.
I mean it. Just freeze.
I'm froze.
It's rubber!
Yeah, yeah.
Harry used to make Shirley
give first-timers the tour.
Never failed to scare
the crap out of them.
Should've seen the look on your face.
Yeah, you got me.
Eh, that's the kind of guy Harry was.
Always good for a laugh.
Yeah, let's find that radio.
You think I don't know what
you see when you look at us?
Bunch of ignorant, drunk crackers.
Shiftless peckerwoods.
Let me tell you something.
We built this place out of nothing
with our hands and our
sweat and our determination.
Mayor of Vegas used to eat here.
All right-- if I can't find a
phone, I'm going to make one.
Keep an eye on her.
We had politicians, celebrities,
rubbing up elbows with the common man.
Some nights, we had eight,
ten limos stacked out up front.
Then Harry took off.
All went to hell.
He didn't care who he hurt.
Are you sure, though, that I
can't fix you boys one of these?
You know, uh, I could
use a little boys' room.
Yeah. Yeah. Toilets is all stuffed up.
There's one in the basement.
But you don't want to
use that one, believe me.
There's like, a million black
widow spiders down there.
It's like black widow
convention is what it is.
You know, you just
puff up and die, so...
Use the bushes.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What
am I supposed to do?
You heard Greg. Keep an eye on her.
You...
are going to drink a man drink.
Just like that.
Really?
Moonshine.
Hello? Hello?
Is anybody out there?
Earthlings, your days are numbered.
The Imperial Armada will arrive on...
Well, maybe you could fix it.
Well, that depends.
You got any spare vacuum
tubes laying around?
Got a vacuum cleaner.
This place was a gold mine.
That man...
he walked away with $250,000.
All I got...
was a postcard.
Just to rub it my face in.
"Shirley,
"by the time you read this,
I will be sippin' pi?a coladas
"on a island somewheres far away
"with the new love of my life,
"who is much younger than you.
"Don't come looking for me
'cause I'm all gone. Good-bye. Harry."
You ever hear anything
so mean in all your life?
No, ma'am.
You're real cute.
You know that?
Now, what'd you say
y'all come out here for again?
It's my birthday.
Well...
why don't you come over here
and give your auntie Shirley some sugar?
Oh, uh, no, I can't.
I'm-I'm engaged...
I'm married, actually.
Uh, I have syphilis.
- Perfect. Me, too.
- What?
You ever see a really advanced
case of Crohn's disease?
Only tissue sections
on microscope slides.
Gross.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
It's kind of amazing he lasted
as long as he did.
Well, he was on heavy doses
of broad-spectrum antibiotics.
It may have helped.
COD's coronary infarction
with complicating factors of
widely disseminated sepsis.
Hello, Catherine.
I found an errant shoe impression
in Bernard's bathroom.
It doesn't belong to the cops,
and it appears to be a size 13...
Bernie was a ten.
There was somebody
else in this bathroom.
So Bernie may have
been telling the truth.
I'll let you know if
I find anything else.
All right, thank you.
What's the plural of "appendix"?
"Appendices"?
That's what's at the end of a book.
"Appendixes" doesn't
quite sound right, does it?
Then "appendixes" it is,
because this is definitely not right.
This man has two appendixes.
One's healthy; the
other's clearly septic.
Is it possible that this
is a natural condition?
Well, genetically, I
suppose it could happen.
The septic appendix
has been sutured to the intestine.
He has a scar in his navel.
It's consistent with
laparoscopic surgery.
There's only one guy who
does this kind of work.
Dr. Jekyll.
He's back.
It's about time.
Where's Nick and Greg?
Outside.
Wha... come on!
Go fish.
It's rummy.
It's gin rummy.
Forget it.
You think you can make it work?
Yeah, all we gotta do is go up the pole
and clip these taps into the main line.
All right, on three.
One, two, three.
So, I, uh, found an
ethylene gas processing plant
down in the basement.
Old Slick and Shirley
are running a distillery.
Of course they are.
And I told him, that's your baby.
I didn't make that baby by myself,
- and I need some money!
- Uh, Excuse me.
Uh, this is an emergency.
That's what I told him!
And you're never going to
believe what he said back to me.
That rat...
- Willows.
- Oh, Catherine.
Hey, it's Greg.
You're not going to
believe what happened.
So everything's been called in.
Highway patrol and a
coroner are on their way.
But listen, you two are going to
have to come down to the station
and answer a few questions, okay?
That's-that's routine.
This should all be cleared up soon.
It's a good thing, too.
That guy is getting pretty ripe.
I'm sure, he wasn't too good
in real life either, but now...
I need to wash up.
Hey, see if you can
find an air freshener.
Aah! Oh, my God!
- What happened?
- Aah!
It's sulfuric acid! Aah!
All right, put your
hand under cold water.
Ow! Aah!
Here, here.
The charcoal will neutralize the acid.
Yeah. Ah.
More. More charcoal!
Just keep it underwater.
Whoa!
What do we have here?
Check it out, guys.
Y'all want to tell me who this is?
Who?
Well, I don't know.
You tell me, Shirley.
I got no idea.
Slick?
I don't know.
You know what? That's okay.
Just sit tight.
We're gonna figure this out.
All right, the sutures
had started to dissolve,
which means that the septic appendix
was inserted into his body
about four to seven days ago.
The blood on the piece of steel I found
was not Lily's; it was Bernie's,
and it was most likely
from a laparoscopic scissor.
Dr. Jekyll has moved on to
living victims, Catherine.
He is escalating.
Okay.
Joseph Bigelow, about two months ago,
was found with his
intestines tied into a bow.
Operated on postmortem.
What does he have in
common with Bernard Higgins?
Joseph Bigelow:
lounge piano player, homeless.
Bernard Higgins:
self-help real estate guru.
Different ages,
different social circles,
different physical types.
Nothing leaps to mind.
We'll run DNA on the septic appendix.
If the donor's in CODIS,
it might give us a lead.
We can check hospital records...
There are almost 200 appendectomies
that are performed in
Las Vegas every month.
If the appendix was stored
in formaldehyde and
flushed prior to surgery,
it could've been in storage for years.
Right, which means it could've
come from just about anywhere.
Bernie was a narcoleptic,
the perfect victim for a surgeon
who doesn't want his patients
to know they'd been operated on.
Right.
And Jekyll performed
the surgery in Bernie's home.
All of which suggests
that Jekyll knew him.
But maybe not as well as he thought.
Bernie was so full of meds
that I suspect the
appendix didn't kill him
as quickly as Jekyll planned.
Well, say Jekyll saw Bernie
somewhere, up and about,
after he was supposed to be dead.
Wouldn't that piss him off?
And like many serial killers,
it might have compelled him
to finish what he started.
So Jekyll goes back to the house,
packing ketamine to subdue
Bernie, and he surprises Lily.
She runs. She calls 911.
He chases her, tries to
inject her, but fails.
He hears the sirens,
and he leaves before he
can finish Bernie off.
And all we have of him,
maybe, is a size 13 shoe.
Well, if Bernie and
Jekyll did know each other,
then maybe there's something that
connects them back at the house.
Poor guy.
Gomez?
I meant the raccoon.
I got Harry's medical records
and dental X-rays here.
Number three, MOL amalgam.
Number 30, full gold crown.
You know, I'm no forensic odontologist,
but that's Harry.
You will be missed.
Not by pigs.
Look what we got here.
Gomez has got a record.
Busted for forgery in
San Antonio 13 years ago.
Jumped bail while awaiting trial.
Whereabouts unknown.
Until now.
A little help?
Oh! Oh.
Oh, way to go, little guy.
This guy's ribs are completely missing.
It looks like they were cut
along the sternum and spine.
The restaurant was closed,
due to a hepatitis outbreak,
a month after Harry disappeared.
Harry had hepatitis B.
Which has an incubation
period of roughly four weeks.
You know what that means, don't you?
Mmm. I have always loved Harry's ribs.
Where is Harry tonight?
You know, honey,
I'm not sure where he got off to.
I'm sure he's here in spirit.
I just can't believe Harry's dead.
I never killed nobody.
I ain't that kind of woman.
Anyway, I loved the man
until the day he disappeared.
Now, if you ask me...
it was Slick.
Now, why would he do that?
'Cause... before Harry
came to town, I was...
You was what?
Slick's fianc?e.
Oh.
Harry swept me off my feet.
I am not proud of what I did.
So you dumped Slick for Harry?
Yes, sir.
I broke Slick's heart.
And then, after Harry disappeared,
I was in the vulnerable
state, and Slick forgave me.
He took me back, but I think
that he bumped Harry off,
get him out of the way,
so he could have me all
to his self once again.
What man wouldn't?
I'm not one to cast aspersions,
but Harry and Shirley were
at each other's throats
night and day.
Shirley's what you might
call a, uh, uh, uh...
a first-class bitch on wheels.
She told me she dumped
you and ran off with Harry
and broke your heart.
She said that.
Yeah.
I'm the one kicked that tramp out,
and she went crawling on
her belly back to Harry.
Oh, she spun her feminine wiles,
but he grew... he grew
wise to her trampy ways.
You know, I thought he got out
while the getting was good,
but I will bet you dollars to donuts,
it was that whore
that barbecued his ass.
They both had motive,
and they're both accusing
each other of killing Harry.
So far, we have no evidence
that suggests either
of them actually did it.
Could be either one or both,
or-- or-- it could be
somebody else altogether.
My money is on someone else altogether.
Hey, Hop-Along.
What do you got there?
A postcard Harry sent
Shirley after he was dead,
which is why I had Mandy
print it-- and get this:
She got a hit for Gomez's
mother, a 60-year-old
truck-stop hooker in Boca Raton.
So I ran the handwriting through QD.
It was an excellent forgery.
It was good enough to
fool Shirley, kite a check
and empty their bank accounts.
But, wait, where did you get...
An exemplar of Harry's handwriting?
From his bank.
Time out. Let me get this straight.
Gomez, a convicted forger,
wrote the postcard, sent it
to his mother, who then mailed it back
to Shirley all the way from Florida?
Yes! See, it's a deliberate attempt
to obscure the details of Harry's death.
See, I think Shirley really
believed Harry ran out on her.
But why? Why would Gomez...
- Kill Harry?
- Yeah.
I don't know.
I bet Harry knew Gomez was on the lam,
and was using it to
keep him under his thumb.
One day Gomez just got
sick and tired of it.
Huh.
You know, this birthday
didn't suck after all.
Oh! Aah!
Ow.
We got Bernie's computers,
Rolodex and personal correspondence.
Everything that we collected
will go into storage, in case...
In case Jekyll strikes again?
He will, you know.
Well, this is what's been bugging me.
With Joey Bigelow,
Jekyll took the man's bow tie
and then left another
bow tie, so to speak,
inside his body.
But with Bernie, Jekyll
gave him another appendix.
I'm just wondering, what did he take?
as soon as possible, Ray.
We're holding down the fort tonight.
I just collected the
last finger on my 4-20.
I'll be on my way after that.
Okay.
Good night, Catherine.
Thank you for the time off.
Go, before I change my mind.
Good night, John.
Hey! What the...?!
Look, buddy, you got the
wrong guy! That hurt! Ow! Ow!
- Hit it! All clear. Get moving.
- What the hell?!
- My arm!
- Shut up!
Look, what do you want from me?
You know what we want.
I don't. I swear to God.
I don't know anything.
That's not what Harry says.
Who's Harry?
Don't be stupid, Henry.
Now's no time to play dumb.
'Cause Harry don't like
it when people play dumb.
Understand?
Please, look, if you
just give me a hint,
I'll tell you anything you want to know.
Oh, my God!
No...
Happy birthday, Henry.
What?
Happy birthday! Hey, man!
You scared the crap out of me!
What's the matter with you idiots?!
Hey, hey, come on! I'm driving!
It was all for a laugh! God!
Henry, my friend, you are
about to have the best birthday
of your life, because we are taking you
to the one, the only,
Harry's Hog Hideout.
- Yeah!
- What's a hog hideout?
It's only the best
barbecue known to mankind.
It's a little bit of a drive,
but don't worry. Greg knows where it is.
I thought you said you knew where it is.
It's just a bit of a drive, y'all.
Look, if this place, if it's so great,
then how come I've never heard of it?
Come on, man.
A little trust, baby.
Come on. It's your birthday.
- Yeah.
- I hate my birthdays.
They always suck.
Oh, great, we got a
full moon tonight, too,
so every nut job in
the state will be out.
I'm surprised at you, Henry.
There's absolutely no
statistical evidence linking
lunar cycles to an
increase in irrational,
careless, or criminal behavior.
Are you sure about that?
Ow!
Everybody okay? Huh?
- You got a little something.
- What?
Aah, I think I sprained my ankle.
Damn!
I rolled that bad boy, didn't I?
I'd say.
Anybody got cell phone service?
- Nope. -
Uh-uh. No.
Doesn't really matter.
Harry's is about a mile
up that way, I think.
We can walk it.
Whoo!
Gee...
- Thanks.
- Here you go.
Thanks, brother.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Let's go. Ow!
Gentlemen, we've arrived.
Doesn't look real open, does it?
"Notice:
"Closed by the Board of Health.
"Suspected point of origin:
a hepatitis B outbreak.
Date of
closure: 7-3-09."
Oops.
That's five months ago.
Nice. You were gonna give me hepatitis
for my birthday. Thanks.
Still got no reception.
All right, maybe there's
a working phone inside.
Let's take a look around.
Happy birthday.
I think we got a dead body here, boys.
Best birthday ever.
It appears this man has a large
raccoon sticking to his face.
Ah. Procyon lotor.
The common North American raccoon.
This is quite a specimen, too.
Bet that sucker weighs
at least 30 pounds.
357 in his hand.
No blood pool around the body.
No apparent entry wounds.
No signs of decomp.
This is a recent event, fellas.
The entire upper half of his body
looks like it was singed.
Hey. Let's roll him.
Oh, no, I... I'm not a coroner.
Greg, help me out here.
Take a look back there.
No apparent entry wounds on
the posterior aspect, either.
Okay.
Maybe the raccoon leapt
through that window ninja-style,
and before this guy could shoot it,
it landed on him and
chewed his face off.
Well, I guess we should call it in, huh?
Oh, that's right.
We've got no reception.
Well, it looks like something
propelled them both through that window
at a high velocity.
All right, I tell you what.
Greg, you and Hodges take
a look around outside.
I'm going to clear this building,
see if I can find a phone.
Henry...
stay with the body.
My pleasure.
You come here often?
911 operator. What is your emergency?
Please help me!
He's trying to kill me!
Ma'am, please try and remain calm.
Try to get to a safe place, but stay
on the line with me. Do you understand?
Ma'am? Ma'am?
Are you still with me?
Dispatch, possible person in distress.
917 Villacot? Circle.
Please respond.
Got one body-- female
in the bathroom.
No pulse. I'll call it in.
Roger that. I'm still
clearing the first floor.
I'm checking the other rooms.
Somebody help!
But when help arrived, it was too late.
The victim lay dead on the floor,
and the killer had vanished.
Sir, you need to wake up.
Sir, Las Vegas Police Department.
You need to wake up, sir.
Hey, Mr. Higgins, wake up.
He just keeps nodding off, sir.
Come on, man.
Bernard, come on!
What...?
Why are you guys in my house?!
Because there's a dead
girl in your bathroom.
What?!
There's a pattern of reddish
abrasions ringing her neck,
consistent with somebody
forcing her head underwater.
With her fighting back,
that's a noisy way to go.
I'm gonna see what's
up with sleeping beauty
- in the other room.
- All right.
David, anchors aweigh.
- Okay, ready?
- Yep.
Cath?
There's something in her arm.
Looks like a broken hypodermic.
In other words,
she might've been drugged.
Her name is Lily.
Lily Chow Ping.
What was your relationship to her?
Girlfriend, I guess you could say.
She was just gonna take a
bath and wake me up in an hour.
We were gonna go for dinner.
So you're telling me you
slept through the whole attack?
Attack?!
Oh, God, there was an attack...
I have apnea.
Which means I have a
chronic sleep deficit.
When I put on the machine,
I'm dead to the world.
Who would want to kill Lily?
Well, that's what
we're here to find out.
You o... you okay?
I have Crohn's disease.
You know what that is?
Yes, an inflammatory disorder
of undetermined etiology.
It ulcerates the intestine.
It can be very painful.
You can't get rid of it, which is why
I feel like my guts are
on fire all the time.
Well, do you need medical attention?
- No. Not at the moment.
- Okay, then come with us.
We have some more questions.
Oh, Lily, God.
A woman was attacked and violently
drowned in his own bathroom
and he says he slept
through the whole thing?
Well, being connected
to a CPAP is kind of like
being connected to a ventilator.
It's a noisy machine, and
it's a reasonable alibi.
And Mr. Higgins knows a
lot about reasonable alibis.
He's a big fan of true crime.
Compressed ethylene gas.
Used book of matches.
Somebody's been playing with fire.
Gee, I wonder who.
Gnawed bones and trash
at the bottom of a barrel.
Raccoon bait.
Really?
You know, I had a hat
like that when I was a kid.
Except I wore it on the back of my head.
The other kids would make fun of me
and occasionally beat
me up, but I didn't care,
'cause I was...
¶ Davy, Davy Crockett ¶
¶ King of the wild frontier ¶
- Hold it right there.
- Oh!
I'll unload both barrels on you
and I'll turn you into a pink mist.
Don't you think I won't.
Did you kill my friend?
Well, I go away and come back.
He's dead and you're here.
Put that gun down on the floor.
And end up like Gomez?
I don't think so. You think I'm crazy?
Calm down.
- Yes, please calm down.
- You calm down!
Hey, we're law enforcement.
Put that gun down right now!
No!
Look, you may get a shot off.
You may even kill my young friend there.
But then I will unload on you.
I can't miss from here
and you don't wanna be
dead, now, do you?
You're a cop.
That's right.
Mystery solved, gentlemen,
courtesy of the A-Team--
Whoa! Who the hell are you?!
I just work in the lab.
We're crime scene investigators.
I'm gonna reach in my pocket
and I'm gonna show you my badge.
Lookie here.
See that?
That's legit.
There you go. Nobody has to get hurt.
Yeah, tell that to Gomez.
Give me that shotgun.
You all cops?
Here you go.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, good man.
Uh, sir, I think we can explain
what happened to your friend.
You see, it looks like he
baited the pipe out back
to lure the raccoons,
filled it with ethylene gas
and then tried to ignite it.
Unfortunately, he didn't realize that
the gas was pooling at the bottom
so, when he resorted to other methods...
It was an accident.
That's Raccoonzilla.
In life, he and Gomez
was locked into a hatred
that surpasseth understanding.
Uh... Raccoonzilla?
Well, that's the meanest,
vilest rodent that
ever strode the planet.
Technically, not a rodent.
What?
You're book-smart.
Gomez...
he was a good man.
You kept to yourself,
but you always had a smile
and a helping hand for others.
You're gonna be missed.
I saw him alive less than an hour ago.
How in the hell did you
boys get here so fast?
We're off duty.
We came for the ribs.
And the hepatitis.
What are you doing here?
I'm the handyman.
Well, I was the handyman.
I'm the night watchman now.
- Do you have a
car? - Uh-uh, no.
A buddy dropped me off.
Somebody's coming.
That'd be Shirley, Harry's wife.
Where is Harry anyway?
I'd better let Shirley tell you.
Damn it all to hell!
Who put that pig there?
Who are these assclowns?
Gomez was an artist.
He was a genius with the flesh of a pig.
Kept all his recipes locked
up secret inside his head.
Now, why did you have to go do
that to yourself, you dumbass?
Now we are never gonna
get this place reopened.
You can always hire another chef.
No...
No one cooks swine like Gomez did.
He's the heartbeat of this place.
I thought Harry was.
He was nothing but the front man.
Yeah, where is Harry?
Bastard cleared out the accounts,
took off six months ago.
A month later, Board
of Health shut us down.
Wouldn't surprise me
if Harry had something
to do with that, too.
If I ever catch up to him,
I'm gonna wring his ass dry.
At least I've got the martini olives.
So, Greg says that the car is toast.
And reeking of alcohol.
I think that this is the same
broad that ran us off the road.
Yeah, that's what we just said.
All right, we gotta find a way
to get some backup out here.
Hey, is there not a working
phone in here anywhere?
No.
There's a ham radio buried in the back.
Keep an eye on her.
That broken needle in the victim's arm
contained ketamine.
- Party drug.
- Prelim tox on the victim
shows no traces of
ketamine in her system.
Maybe the party hadn't gotten started.
According to your measurements,
the fragment we
extracted from the victim
was part of a 16-gauge needle.
Right.
The only needles we found
at Bernard Higgins' house
were 31-gauge.
He could've had a different
kit for his recreational stuff.
What about this bloody piece of metal
that was found on the
floor under the recliner?
It's high-grade stainless steel,
probably from a hand tool.
Maybe scissors or a pair of snips.
I'm running the blood for DNA.
Well, if it comes back the vic's,
Bernard's got a serious problem.
You have to believe me.
I would never hurt Lily.
We, we loved each other.
I wouldn't expect a man
like you to understand
how this petite, exquisite creature
could love a man like me, but I...
Our hearts touched.
She used to call me...
It's Mandarin for "bountiful panda."
Sounds a lot sexier in Mandarin.
Listen,
I'm just not seeing it that way.
In fact, I think she came
to tell you that it was over.
She was tired of banging Sasquatch.
So you kind of got all jammed up.
You roughed her up.
You roofed her with ketamine.
That didn't work.
She ran away. She called 911.
So you had to kill her.
You've got it all wrong.
I'm a very sick man.
You have to believe me...
Cut the crap, Bernie. Come on.
Sorry.
I'm a narcoleptic.
It's a very serious disease.
But it never stopped me from
making a success of myself.
When I'm under stress, it gets worse.
Tell me about the beautiful friend Lily.
She comes to Vegas once
in a while on a layover.
Oh.
She was an international
flight attendant.
And, yes, all right, I
would pay her expenses
when she was in town.
Show her a good time...
You know, Bernie...
you're beginning to try
my patience a little bit.
Come on.
Bernie.
Stick with me now.
Call my doctor if you
don't believe me, all right?
I can't sleep.
I just drop off when
I'm under... stre...
Bernie.
Bernie!
Hey. Bountiful!
Bountiful Panda...
Uh-oh.
Ooh.
There's a radio here somewhere.
I know that, uh...
Lift it up...
Ah. Here.
Be careful.
Oh, that's a...
That's just a walk-in.
No radio in there.
I
- I wouldn't go in there, if I was you.
You don't move, Slick.
I mean it. Just freeze.
I'm froze.
It's rubber!
Yeah, yeah.
Harry used to make Shirley
give first-timers the tour.
Never failed to scare
the crap out of them.
Should've seen the look on your face.
Yeah, you got me.
Eh, that's the kind of guy Harry was.
Always good for a laugh.
Yeah, let's find that radio.
You think I don't know what
you see when you look at us?
Bunch of ignorant, drunk crackers.
Shiftless peckerwoods.
Let me tell you something.
We built this place out of nothing
with our hands and our
sweat and our determination.
Mayor of Vegas used to eat here.
All right-- if I can't find a
phone, I'm going to make one.
Keep an eye on her.
We had politicians, celebrities,
rubbing up elbows with the common man.
Some nights, we had eight,
ten limos stacked out up front.
Then Harry took off.
All went to hell.
He didn't care who he hurt.
Are you sure, though, that I
can't fix you boys one of these?
You know, uh, I could
use a little boys' room.
Yeah. Yeah. Toilets is all stuffed up.
There's one in the basement.
But you don't want to
use that one, believe me.
There's like, a million black
widow spiders down there.
It's like black widow
convention is what it is.
You know, you just
puff up and die, so...
Use the bushes.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What
am I supposed to do?
You heard Greg. Keep an eye on her.
You...
are going to drink a man drink.
Just like that.
Really?
Moonshine.
Hello? Hello?
Is anybody out there?
Earthlings, your days are numbered.
The Imperial Armada will arrive on...
Well, maybe you could fix it.
Well, that depends.
You got any spare vacuum
tubes laying around?
Got a vacuum cleaner.
This place was a gold mine.
That man...
he walked away with $250,000.
All I got...
was a postcard.
Just to rub it my face in.
"Shirley,
"by the time you read this,
I will be sippin' pi?a coladas
"on a island somewheres far away
"with the new love of my life,
"who is much younger than you.
"Don't come looking for me
'cause I'm all gone. Good-bye. Harry."
You ever hear anything
so mean in all your life?
No, ma'am.
You're real cute.
You know that?
Now, what'd you say
y'all come out here for again?
It's my birthday.
Well...
why don't you come over here
and give your auntie Shirley some sugar?
Oh, uh, no, I can't.
I'm-I'm engaged...
I'm married, actually.
Uh, I have syphilis.
- Perfect. Me, too.
- What?
You ever see a really advanced
case of Crohn's disease?
Only tissue sections
on microscope slides.
Gross.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
It's kind of amazing he lasted
as long as he did.
Well, he was on heavy doses
of broad-spectrum antibiotics.
It may have helped.
COD's coronary infarction
with complicating factors of
widely disseminated sepsis.
Hello, Catherine.
I found an errant shoe impression
in Bernard's bathroom.
It doesn't belong to the cops,
and it appears to be a size 13...
Bernie was a ten.
There was somebody
else in this bathroom.
So Bernie may have
been telling the truth.
I'll let you know if
I find anything else.
All right, thank you.
What's the plural of "appendix"?
"Appendices"?
That's what's at the end of a book.
"Appendixes" doesn't
quite sound right, does it?
Then "appendixes" it is,
because this is definitely not right.
This man has two appendixes.
One's healthy; the
other's clearly septic.
Is it possible that this
is a natural condition?
Well, genetically, I
suppose it could happen.
The septic appendix
has been sutured to the intestine.
He has a scar in his navel.
It's consistent with
laparoscopic surgery.
There's only one guy who
does this kind of work.
Dr. Jekyll.
He's back.
It's about time.
Where's Nick and Greg?
Outside.
Wha... come on!
Go fish.
It's rummy.
It's gin rummy.
Forget it.
You think you can make it work?
Yeah, all we gotta do is go up the pole
and clip these taps into the main line.
All right, on three.
One, two, three.
So, I, uh, found an
ethylene gas processing plant
down in the basement.
Old Slick and Shirley
are running a distillery.
Of course they are.
And I told him, that's your baby.
I didn't make that baby by myself,
- and I need some money!
- Uh, Excuse me.
Uh, this is an emergency.
That's what I told him!
And you're never going to
believe what he said back to me.
That rat...
- Willows.
- Oh, Catherine.
Hey, it's Greg.
You're not going to
believe what happened.
So everything's been called in.
Highway patrol and a
coroner are on their way.
But listen, you two are going to
have to come down to the station
and answer a few questions, okay?
That's-that's routine.
This should all be cleared up soon.
It's a good thing, too.
That guy is getting pretty ripe.
I'm sure, he wasn't too good
in real life either, but now...
I need to wash up.
Hey, see if you can
find an air freshener.
Aah! Oh, my God!
- What happened?
- Aah!
It's sulfuric acid! Aah!
All right, put your
hand under cold water.
Ow! Aah!
Here, here.
The charcoal will neutralize the acid.
Yeah. Ah.
More. More charcoal!
Just keep it underwater.
Whoa!
What do we have here?
Check it out, guys.
Y'all want to tell me who this is?
Who?
Well, I don't know.
You tell me, Shirley.
I got no idea.
Slick?
I don't know.
You know what? That's okay.
Just sit tight.
We're gonna figure this out.
All right, the sutures
had started to dissolve,
which means that the septic appendix
was inserted into his body
about four to seven days ago.
The blood on the piece of steel I found
was not Lily's; it was Bernie's,
and it was most likely
from a laparoscopic scissor.
Dr. Jekyll has moved on to
living victims, Catherine.
He is escalating.
Okay.
Joseph Bigelow, about two months ago,
was found with his
intestines tied into a bow.
Operated on postmortem.
What does he have in
common with Bernard Higgins?
Joseph Bigelow:
lounge piano player, homeless.
Bernard Higgins:
self-help real estate guru.
Different ages,
different social circles,
different physical types.
Nothing leaps to mind.
We'll run DNA on the septic appendix.
If the donor's in CODIS,
it might give us a lead.
We can check hospital records...
There are almost 200 appendectomies
that are performed in
Las Vegas every month.
If the appendix was stored
in formaldehyde and
flushed prior to surgery,
it could've been in storage for years.
Right, which means it could've
come from just about anywhere.
Bernie was a narcoleptic,
the perfect victim for a surgeon
who doesn't want his patients
to know they'd been operated on.
Right.
And Jekyll performed
the surgery in Bernie's home.
All of which suggests
that Jekyll knew him.
But maybe not as well as he thought.
Bernie was so full of meds
that I suspect the
appendix didn't kill him
as quickly as Jekyll planned.
Well, say Jekyll saw Bernie
somewhere, up and about,
after he was supposed to be dead.
Wouldn't that piss him off?
And like many serial killers,
it might have compelled him
to finish what he started.
So Jekyll goes back to the house,
packing ketamine to subdue
Bernie, and he surprises Lily.
She runs. She calls 911.
He chases her, tries to
inject her, but fails.
He hears the sirens,
and he leaves before he
can finish Bernie off.
And all we have of him,
maybe, is a size 13 shoe.
Well, if Bernie and
Jekyll did know each other,
then maybe there's something that
connects them back at the house.
Poor guy.
Gomez?
I meant the raccoon.
I got Harry's medical records
and dental X-rays here.
Number three, MOL amalgam.
Number 30, full gold crown.
You know, I'm no forensic odontologist,
but that's Harry.
You will be missed.
Not by pigs.
Look what we got here.
Gomez has got a record.
Busted for forgery in
San Antonio 13 years ago.
Jumped bail while awaiting trial.
Whereabouts unknown.
Until now.
A little help?
Oh! Oh.
Oh, way to go, little guy.
This guy's ribs are completely missing.
It looks like they were cut
along the sternum and spine.
The restaurant was closed,
due to a hepatitis outbreak,
a month after Harry disappeared.
Harry had hepatitis B.
Which has an incubation
period of roughly four weeks.
You know what that means, don't you?
Mmm. I have always loved Harry's ribs.
Where is Harry tonight?
You know, honey,
I'm not sure where he got off to.
I'm sure he's here in spirit.
I just can't believe Harry's dead.
I never killed nobody.
I ain't that kind of woman.
Anyway, I loved the man
until the day he disappeared.
Now, if you ask me...
it was Slick.
Now, why would he do that?
'Cause... before Harry
came to town, I was...
You was what?
Slick's fianc?e.
Oh.
Harry swept me off my feet.
I am not proud of what I did.
So you dumped Slick for Harry?
Yes, sir.
I broke Slick's heart.
And then, after Harry disappeared,
I was in the vulnerable
state, and Slick forgave me.
He took me back, but I think
that he bumped Harry off,
get him out of the way,
so he could have me all
to his self once again.
What man wouldn't?
I'm not one to cast aspersions,
but Harry and Shirley were
at each other's throats
night and day.
Shirley's what you might
call a, uh, uh, uh...
a first-class bitch on wheels.
She told me she dumped
you and ran off with Harry
and broke your heart.
She said that.
Yeah.
I'm the one kicked that tramp out,
and she went crawling on
her belly back to Harry.
Oh, she spun her feminine wiles,
but he grew... he grew
wise to her trampy ways.
You know, I thought he got out
while the getting was good,
but I will bet you dollars to donuts,
it was that whore
that barbecued his ass.
They both had motive,
and they're both accusing
each other of killing Harry.
So far, we have no evidence
that suggests either
of them actually did it.
Could be either one or both,
or-- or-- it could be
somebody else altogether.
My money is on someone else altogether.
Hey, Hop-Along.
What do you got there?
A postcard Harry sent
Shirley after he was dead,
which is why I had Mandy
print it-- and get this:
She got a hit for Gomez's
mother, a 60-year-old
truck-stop hooker in Boca Raton.
So I ran the handwriting through QD.
It was an excellent forgery.
It was good enough to
fool Shirley, kite a check
and empty their bank accounts.
But, wait, where did you get...
An exemplar of Harry's handwriting?
From his bank.
Time out. Let me get this straight.
Gomez, a convicted forger,
wrote the postcard, sent it
to his mother, who then mailed it back
to Shirley all the way from Florida?
Yes! See, it's a deliberate attempt
to obscure the details of Harry's death.
See, I think Shirley really
believed Harry ran out on her.
But why? Why would Gomez...
- Kill Harry?
- Yeah.
I don't know.
I bet Harry knew Gomez was on the lam,
and was using it to
keep him under his thumb.
One day Gomez just got
sick and tired of it.
Huh.
You know, this birthday
didn't suck after all.
Oh! Aah!
Ow.
We got Bernie's computers,
Rolodex and personal correspondence.
Everything that we collected
will go into storage, in case...
In case Jekyll strikes again?
He will, you know.
Well, this is what's been bugging me.
With Joey Bigelow,
Jekyll took the man's bow tie
and then left another
bow tie, so to speak,
inside his body.
But with Bernie, Jekyll
gave him another appendix.
I'm just wondering, what did he take?