CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (2000–2015): Season 10, Episode 18 - Field Mice - full transcript

(siren wails)

(sighs)

I am not ready for this.

Yeah, you are.

Besides, you got to be.

Dr. Ray's still on leave
from the concussion.

We're all tapped out.

I got a multiple in northtown.

Call me if you need
anything, okay?

(indistinct chatter)

(garbled police radio
transmission)



(flashbulb pops)

(flashbulb pops)

(flashbulb pops)

(coughing)

Damn it, Derrick, you're
screwing up my one-to-ones.

Derrick:
Sorry.

This stuff is giving me
the desire for pancakes.

Woman: Yeah, me, too.
(laughter)

(groans) kids.

Okay,

Crime cadets, this is
serious crime-fighting business,

So... Back to
being dead,

Please.

Excuse me, CSI Hodges?



Yes.

CSI Hodges,

Th-that's me. Katy cypress.
Nice to meet you.

Look, I know

That this is just a program
for wannabe csis.

And this exercise does test

Observational and
evidence-collection skills.

Yes.
Is it at least based

On a real case?

No.

This is just
brute-force rote work.

I couldn't agree with you more.
The real fun

Is nailing bad guys.

And that's about
interpreting the evidence

And solving a real mystery.

That's what... You do,

And that's what I want to do.

Okay.

I'll tell you what.

Let's finish up here,
and then you

Grab a couple
of your cadet buddies

And meet me at the crime lab

For a real challenge...

If you're
up to it.

Oh, I am up to it.

Guillermo.

He'd love to do it.

(laughs):
He has no life.

I collect spores,
molds and fungi.

You, too, Derrick...
it'll be fun.

(beeping)

Grab a seat.

(laughs)

Are we waiting on Derrick?

Uh, no. He's not coming.

He has video-game

Issues.

Ah.
These files

Are from a case we investigated
four months ago.

You said you wanted
to match wits with real csis.

Now's your chance.

Among the many consequences

Of a construction boom
are structures

That are thrown together
with little regard

For building codes.

The fire department
responded quickly.

But even so,
the lower three levels

Of this apartment building were
almost completely consumed.

The firemen, or,
as we like to call them,

The "evidence
eradication crew,"

Got the blaze under control.

But they were
utterly unprepared

For the astonishing sight
waiting there to greet them.

Oh, boy, do I
remember that one.

It was an incredible case.

I mean, like, you would never
even believe it was possible

Unless you saw
the evidence yourself.

Yeah, which is why
I was about to show it to them.

Oh.

Hey. I'm Wendy.

And you are...?

Crime cadets.

Guillermo.

Katy: Could we see the
body already,

Please?

Yeah. Okay.

Hey.

I tell it better than you.

Trust me, you guys

Are really gonna enjoy this.

What used to be
the parking garage

Was filled with the contents
of a dozen apartments,

Everything charred

Virtually beyond recognition...

With one incredible exception.

The csis had never seen
anything like it.

I've never seen
anything like it.

There's barely a mark on her.

Given the amount of available
fuel consumed by this fire,

I'd say we should be looking

At a pile of roasted
flesh and bone.

The body must have been put here
after the fire was extinguished.

There were a dozen cops

And two dozen firefighters
on the scene.

The likelihood of anyone
carrying a body into this

And getting out unseen
is... Slim to none.

Hodges:
That's when I said...

It's as if...
The fire refused to touch her.

Excuse me?

And then Wendy said...

Hodges:
The question is,

Is it miracle or murder?

Uh, please familiarize yourself
with this evidence report.

(quietly): That's what you're
doing, you're lying to children?

It's a teaching exercise.

It's an exercise in self-love.

Just play along
and be a role model, please?

Uh, no. Why would
I play along with you?

Because if you
can't even imagine yourself

Out in the field, how
will you ever expect ecklie to?

(loudly):
Okay, so there we were.

The question is,
is it miracle...

Or murder?

Either way, she tried as best
as she could to survive.

(laughs)

Sounds like something
I would say.

Sync by kuniva

who... Are you?

who, who, who, who?

who... Are you?

who, who, who, who?

I really wanna know

who... Are you?

oh-oh-oh
who...

come on, tell me who are you,
you, you

are you!

A few pounds there, barclay.

You been working out
or something?

Yeah, new diet.

No more donuts or sugary snacks,
just-just pure protein.

All beef, all day.

Trading the diabetes
for a heart attack.

(phone rings) good call.

Yeah, what's up, cath?

I'm in mega-lo-mattress hell.

Found another db in a quilt.
I'll be here a while.

Oh, that's okay... I just
wrapped up

My 419, I'll hold down the f...
(man clears throat)

(retching)

(laughter)

Nicky?

(laughs)

Woman:
Oh, my God!

(loud retching)

Nicky? You there?

Yeah, yeah, I'm here.

(retching)

Yeah, it looks like
I'm gonna be tied up

For a little while longer
here, Catherine.

Barclay: Need paramedics and
hazmat down to the squad.

Guillermo:
Okay, I see it.

The concrete around the furnace
is pitted and chipped,

Most likely from
rapid thermal expansion.

It's called "spalling."

Now, take a look

At the vent pipes.

What do they tell you?

They're Rusty.

And since fire is essentially

A rapid oxidation reaction...

It means that the furnace

Is most likely
where the fire started.

Very good.

This has got to be arson.

What makes you say that?

Most fires are either started

Because of insurance fraud or
to cover up evidence of a crime.

Guillermo:
And that certainly is a crime.

Were all the tenants

Accounted for?

And were any able to
identify the victim?

Good questions...

For a Detective.

So, all the tenants
have been accounted for.

I showed her picture
around, but, uh,

No one recognized her.

Or so they say.

Thanks, Captain.
We'll, uh, let you know

What we come up with.
(chuckles)

That's great.

You know what?
Nobody gives a damn

About life or death.

That's the truth.
So why should I?

Why should you?

(slurring): Do you know what
the best thing to do is?

Is to just to go home...

And cuddle up
with someone you love...

And just...

Forget...

...Just forget about
all this-this...

Madness.

(Hodges exhales)

But that would let them all
off the hook, wouldn't it?

So, you know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna go home,
I'm gonna get painted up,

Put on some kevlar,

Go on a five-state
shooting spree

And take out these scumbags
one at a time. Screw 'em.

And then let

Copper-jacketed
justice take its

Sweet release.

Ooh, ouch.

(chuckles) what?

(laughing)

What?!

What the heck? No.

(laughs): No, I'm not going
to do that, all right?

(sputters)

No, I choose life.

Keep me apprised.

Hodges: Fyi, the alcoholism
rate among police officers

Is double the national average.

Suicide rate's triple.

Really?
Katy: Hey, uh, wait a second.

That tub... where's it from?

It's, uh, from apartment 2b,
second floor.

Simms:
Whose tenant just happened

To be out of town
right before the fire.

Does he have a record?

No, but he wasn't exactly
a model citizen, either.

He'd had run-ins
with the landlord before

Over illegal sublets.
Okay.

Check this out...

Off-the-books sublet girl
was in the tub

When the fire breaks out.

She dies of carbon monoxide
poisoning,

Leaving no marks on the body.

She was still in the tub

When the flames
torched the floor

And it all came tumbling down.

So, the bath oil on her
skin acts like a shield

Long enough to protect her
from the flames until

She is discovered.
That's not a bad theory.

And for a while,
it was our theory.

It was also the wrong theory.

Hodges:
Most essential oils

In bath gels have a flash point

Of under 250 degrees.
With a fire that hot,

It would've actually
drawn the flames to her,

Not protect her.
All right.

Well, since we know it's arson,

If we identify the victim,

It could lead us to the arsonist.
Yeah.

What'd you get from autopsy?

For that, you'll need a coroner.

And, uh, luckily,
I happen to know where we

Can find one.

Take five.

Andrews: Hey, Hodges.
Oh, hey, Henry.

Yes?
Remember that time

You said that thing about your
having a higher commitment

To the lab
and the pursuit of justice?

Yeah, I've probably said that more than once.
Yeah, you have.

For the record,
I find it admirable

And Wendy does, too.

She does?
Yeah.

We were chatting about it last
weekend at the blood bank.

We donate together.

Oh.

No, b-positive.

Actually, Wendy and I have

A lot in common.

We dabble in calligraphy,

We're both passionate

About french neoclassical
architecture,

And we are both
allergic to eggplant.

Look, I was just thinking
that I should ask her out

On a date, and I assume that
you'd be cool with that,

Due to your admirable
commitment to the lab.

So are you

Cool with that?

Totally.
Great.

Great, yes, see?
That is awesome.

Thank you, you're
a man of principle.

(chuckles)

Uh, Wendy.

Simms: Hey.
Andrews: Hello.

What's up? Good.
How are you? Hi.

Um, I was wondering if you want
to go out to eat tonight

After work.

Yeah. Yeah?
Okay.

All right, yeah, I'm just gonna...
(simms chuckling)

Man (over p.A.):
Attention, all personnel...

Quarantine is still in effect
until further notice.

Continue to observe all
class-four protocol.

(devices beeping)

No Anthrax, no ricin,
no botulinum.

And no plague and no tularemia.

We're good, people.

Area's clear.

(sighs)

Well, if it's not in the air
or a contact toxin,

It has to be something
they ate or drank.

Wouldn't be the first
time a bunch of cops

Cheaped out on a dinner
and ended up

Spewing out of both ends.

You're a CSI.

It's not your problem.

I think I'm making it
mine tonight.

Sanders:
Have you

Encountered any cases recently

With similar symptoms?

Projectile vomit,
sweats, diarrhea?

I mean, it could be
almost anything thing.

You know, there's

A lot of stuff going around.

This town is a petri dish.

(grunting)

Hey, Jenkins...

How you doing?
(moans)

I will get out of here

In a second to let you
get back to sleep.

But I need you to tell me
everything you had to eat

Or drink today.

(muttering)

(retching)

Uh, nurse?

Hey, kids, you know,
a lot of people

Believe that all a coroner
does is determine

Cause, manner,
and time of death.

And in a case like this,

There is so much more
to discover.

All you have to do is look.

Her prints weren't
in the system.

And no bodies matching
her description

Were in missing persons.

The condition of her...

...Area is consistent
with recent sexual activity.

But her wet mount
came back negative

For, uh...

Semen?
Thank you.

I believe this woman had

Safe sex before she died.
Guillermo: Could we get

To the c.O.D. Please?

Not so fast.

You'll miss it.

The victim had

Very poor dental hygiene:

Plaque with numerous cavities,

Crowns made of white gold...

A substance not commonly used
in the United States.

All of which led me to conclude
that the victim was Russian...

Guillermo:
Russian or eastern european.

Obviously.

This is, uh, "vokovushka,"

The Russian mighty mouse.

Perhaps she was a tourist?

What are these

Glossy patches on her skin?

I-I don't know.

I sent samples to trace.

Talk to trace.

Actually, trace loves to talk.

I'd suggest carving out

A couple hours and taking snacks.
C.O.D.?

Right.

There's no soot in the trachea.

(cat meowing, man laughs nearby)

Lung tissue color

Is normal.

(laughing)

(laughter, meowing continue)

There's no sign
of carbon monoxide

Pink at all.
(meowing)

Meow.

(phone ringing)

(sighs)

Hello, morgue.

Of course.
I'm always ready.

Right.

All right, the csis are
on their way down.

She didn't inhale smoke.

Give me your notes.
Give me your notes.

Get out!

(clears throat)

Phillips: You see, tox
revealed a bac

Of .30 with several
benzodiazepine sedatives,

Along with zolpidem
in her system.

Now, while the individual levels
were sublethal...

The combination was...

Deadly. That's right.

C.O.D. Was multiple drug
overdose.

The victim was dead
before the fire.

I was about to say that.

Too bad I said it first.

Stokes:
Here you go.

Now, we're starting off small.

This is only the
stuff from the desks

Of the officers who
actually got sick.

This is starting small?

Yep.

And you better get the
gcms fired up, boss.

Greg's bringing in vomit,
blood and fecals.

(slapping)

(tapping rhythmically)

Get it going.

Simms:
In an arson investigation,

After you find the area
of origin,

The next thing you look for
is any sort

Of incendiary device,
faulty wiring,

Flammable fluid...
basically any ignition source

In the general vicinity.

Hey, Wendy.

Come take a look at this.

It's a natural gas line.

It's uncapped.

There's no tarnish
on these tool marks.

This was done recently.

Yeah.

Did you find the gas cap
at the scene?

Hodges.
Hmm?

Uh, no.

And we sifted
through a ton of char.

Katy:
I'm sure you're still

Finding soot in places
you don't want to talk about.

Well, no gas cap
means no accident.

That proves that, uh,
we're right about arson.

So it would seem.

(grinding)

Simms: We removed a
section of the pipe

To preserve the tool marks.

But what we didn't know

Was that this crime scene...

It very well
could have been our last.

(grinding)

(clattering)

No!

(sighs)

Simms: Shortly thereafter, the
city declared the building

Structurally unsound, and...

That was the last time
CSI was allowed in.

He saved my life.

He saved the evidence, too.

What do you mean,
the gcms run isn't done yet?

It was supposed to be done
an hour ago.

I don't know what's going on.

Well, I have a bunch
of sick cops

Who need answers,
and if you have

To pull another shift
to get it done,

You're going to have to.

Let me look at this.
(sighs)

Henry,

The run cycle's been altered.

You set it to
perform a cleaning

And test cycle
after each sample.

No, I didn't set it like that.
I swear.

Well, maybe a power interruption
could have reset it

To a default.

There you go.

Problem solved.

You lucked out.

Yeah.

The uncapped gas line

Was the fuel.

What else do you
need to make a fire?

A spark.

That's right.

And I've got a whole box
full of sparks right over here.

Take a look.

According
to this maintenance record,

This breaker box was serviced
the same day as the fire.

Guillermo: And it looks
like the same company

Maintains the gas lines.
Hodges: They do.

The police questioned
the maintenance man,

But the csis found this
in his van.

Katy:
The pipe cap?

The arsonist kept evidence
of the crime on him?

Serial killers often
keep souvenirs.

The maintenance man
told the cops that he had gone

To the apartment building
to service the gas line

And removed the cap,
which had become corroded.

But when he returned to his van

To find a replacement,
he found he didn't have one,

So he left.

He left the gas line uncapped?

He said he forgot.

He thought he closed
the gas line completely, but he

Must have left a slow leak,
which he didn't notice

Because he was losing
his sense of smell...

Or so he claimed.

His medical records
confirmed that.

Guillermo:
So, natural gas

Gradually filled the room...

Katy:
Until there was enough,

So that when the furnace
clicked on...

(clicking)

Whoosh.

Indeed.

It was an accident.

Which means that it wasn't set

To destroy the victim's body.

Our theory was completely wrong.

Hodges: You said you
wanted a challenge.

Andrews:
Wendy!

Hey.
Hi.

Uh, I got great news.

I had to call in a couple
of favors, but I got us

A reservation
at the eiffel tower restaurant.

It's, like,
the best view in Vegas.

Wow.

Andrews: That's cool, right?
Simms: It-it's, uh...

A little more
fancy-pants

Than the cop diner
that I'd been picturing.

(chuckling):
No. I, um... I was going

To surprise you,
but then I thought, you know,

The gentlemanly thing to do

Would be to let you know,
so you could dress

Appropriately for the occasion.

I'm going to go home on
my lunch break and get my suit.

You're wearing a suit?

Ce sera parfa?t.

It means, "it will be perfect."

Simms:
Um...

(chuckling)

Stokes: According to Henry,
there were no drugs,

Poisons or toxins in any

Of the food or drink samples
I collected.

We'll just have to test

Every consumable in the station.

It's shigella.

Positive?
I called in a favor

At the hospital's microbio lab.

We just did cultures
on each of the sick unis.

They all have it.

Okay, well,
shigella is food-borne.

It typically vectors through
unsanitary handling practices.

Yeah, but something
doesn't make sense.

According to what the unis told me between pukes...
(man clears throat)

...None of them ate any
of the same things today,

So how did they all come down

With the same
bacterial infection?

Stokes: I might be able to answer that.
I'll call you back.

Hey, Nick. What's up?

Hold out your hands, metcalf.

And, uh, don't touch me,

Please.

So, basically, we have
an accidental fire

And a victim whose body

Managed to remain
unburned in it.

Guillermo:
These patches on her skin,

Did you guys get
anything useful from trace?

You always get
something from trace.

CSI Hodges.
Trace tech Langston.

What do you have for me?

The question, CSI Hodges,
is what don't I have for you?

I used, uh, polarized light
microscopy to identify

The glossy patches
on your victim's skin.

And not to sound corny, but I
think you'll find the results

A-maize-ing.

Starch molecules.

Vaporized cornstarch,
to be precise.

Did you know the word
"cornstarch" is derived

From the middle English
"sterchen"

Meaning "to stiffen,"
which is apropos

To the condition of your Vic.

(laughs) Langston, the way
that your rapier wit

Envelopes critical information,
is just so...

Thrilling?

That's exactly
what I was going to say.

Now, you say you derived
these results

From a simple
polarized light test?

Lesser men would have

Resorted to using the gcms.

Why use a sledgehammer
to kill a fly?

I bow to the master.
Nonsense.

"you are great.
I am great."

M-5.
The ultimate computer.

Star trek, the original series.

Is there any other?

It's like you're inside my head.

(both laughing)

That trace tech sounds kinda...

Obsequious.

Misunderstood.

You look concerned.

I am.

How does somebody get coated
in vaporized cornstarch?

Body powder?

Simms: It's a health-conscious
alternative to talc.

I doubt that powder would be
thick enough to account for...

Peanuts.

Cornstarch peanuts.

Packing material.

She was killed and packed
in the box with the peanuts.

The cardboard and the
cornstarch acted as insulation,

To protect the body
from the flames.

Until the firemen arrived,

Blasting everything
with their hoses,

Which separated
her from whatever

Remained of the box.

Congratulations.

You have just matched
wits with the csis.

Simms: Nicely done.
Hmm!

Okay, so what's next?

Based on what we have here,
nothing.

That's as far we got.

But we never id'd the body.

Or the killer.

Neither did we.

What?

That sucks.
Hodges: Yes.

But what doesn't suck
is that yesterday,

The city declared the building
structurally sound.

So, after you have
your parents fax me

Their written permission
indemnifying

The crime lab for any
injuries you may sustain,

We're going on a field trip.

So, my suit's done then?

Great. No, I'm on my way.

You didn't crease the pants
though, did you, mom?

'cause there is nothing
worse than...

(rattling, hissing) huh?

Oh, no. No, no, no.
I'll call you back.

No, no-no-no.

Not today.

What?

Ow.

(coughing)

Ah! No!

Car trouble?

Yeah, no kidding.

This ruins my whole
lunch break,

And I had things to do.

You know, Henry, maybe
you should stay out

Of parking garages.

Bad things seem
to happen to you there.

(music plays over stereo)

Willows:
Henry?

Hmm? I don't mind taking
time out of my day

To check out your radiator hose,

'cause, clearly,
it means a lot to you.

But you need to back off.
You are ripe.

Sorry.

My car's been spending
a lot of time in the shop.

I just wanted to know

What's wrong before I
take it in again.

Well...

I can tell you one thing.

This is not defective.

These holes are straight
and uniform,

Which suggests they were

Mechanically introduced
from the outside in.

Somebody poked my hose.

(whispers):
Sorry.

Sure, yeah, you could
have a Shady mechanic,

But as far as car sabotage
goes, this is amateur hour.

I mean, you really
want to do some damage,

You pop out a spark plug

And throw rocks
into the cylinder.

Radiator hose...
third grade stuff.

You been pissing off a lot
of third graders lately?

Hodges! (groans)

You know, when you told me
to join you for some fun,

I really didn't realize
it was going to be

As wonderful as this.

As your humble tech, I would
like to thank you very much

For entrusting me
with such an important job.

Listen, just remember
to label all

Bindled evidence.
Chain of custody is not just

A suggestion, you know.

Don't push it, Hodges.

Okay.
All right.

Hey.

Did I miss anything?

Thanks for texting me, k.

Sure, I mean, the team
isn't the same without...

Oh!

(both laughing)

Okay.

Oh.
Yes.

(laughing)

(coughs) fire scenes
always smell this bad?

Yes.

Katy: Just let me
know if you find

Anything that matches the burn
pattern that we found earlier.

Why do you feel
compelled to lie to us?

About what, exactly?

You don't have to be

A real CSI to know that
you and Hodges are not.

I suspect Hodges
is a trace tech,

Because I doubt any real
CSI would wax so rhapsodic

About that
particular specialty.

And, clearly, that man

Does not relish being outdoors.

(splutters) that, and the fact

That you two obviously spend

An inordinate amount
of time with each other,

Would suggest that you're

Most likely a lab tech, too.

I'm DNA.

So, why lie?

I guess I'm afraid
that maybe I'm going

To wake up one morning
and I'm going to think

That I spent most of life

Fighting crime in a test tube.

Just because something
is the size of a molecule

Doesn't mean that it can't be
filled with intrigue

And excitement.

Csis gather the evidence,

But analysis is really
what gives it meaning.

You need both

To find the truth.

Derrick:
Found some crispy-ass denim.

Webster:
They look like men's jeans.

A quarter and two pennies.

Dinner's on me.

Dead girl's a blonde, right?

Katy: That's her.
"stacia borsala."

Hungarian passport.

Looks like I've got what's left
of a blister pack of...

"zolpidem."

This is so warped,
I doubt I'm going to get

Any prints off of it.
The victim had zolpidem in her system.

We did it.

We id'd the Vic.

I'm sorry, who?

In your face, csis.
(laughter)

Techs and
crime cadets, we rule.

Hello.

Metcalf doesn't have
shigella on his hands.

Oh, that's surprising.

A bit of a relief, actually.

(over phone):
Yeah, but get this.

The bacteria that infected
the squad room,

Turns out to be the same strain
that closed down

A day care center
in summerlin last week.

Hold on.

A day care center, huh?

Yep, half a dozen preschoolers.

Must've been quite a mess.

I don't think
that's a coincidence.

Stokes:
The stuff that got 'em sick came

From your pastry box.

What's the deal, bud? Hmm?

You get tired of the
guys in the station

Stealing your food,
so you thought

You'd lace a few of your
goodies with some shigella,

Teach 'em a lesson?
No.

Yes, the guys steal my food,

Although those lowlifes
would never admit it.

But, look,

I would never...

Wh-what's shi-wha?

Shigella... it's a bacteria, man.

Come on, now. Don't make this
any harder on yourself.

What'd you do?
Did you get

The sample from your
kid's day care center?

I don't know where the pastries
came from, all right?

I stopped eating
sugary snacks, remember?

Oh, and this isn't my kid's,

It's my-my girlfriend's kid.

My-my ex-girlfriend,
we just broke up.

But I got nothing
against the kid.

You know, it's a good drawing,
he's talented.

Was it a nasty break-up?

Is there a pretty kind?

Where can I find her?

Stokes: So in revenge
for breaking up with you,

You decide to give

Sergeant barclay some
delicious, homemade baked goods

Tainted with your
child's shigella.

What did you do,
save a diarrhea diaper

And lace some
in with the icing?

No. Well, what you
didn't know was

That sarge had just gone
on a little post-break-up diet.

Too bad for the cops
who stole his food.

Your prints were on it.

It was a gift.
I left it

For barky as a peace offering.

Without telling him?
The worst

You can do is have me
reprimanded for bad hygiene.

You can't prove
malicious intent.

That will be up to the d.A.

You caused a disruption
at a police station,

Which could've cost lives.

You're looking
at a class-b felony.

Would it help if I said
I was really, really sorry?

Willows: I have to say I'm impressed
with the initiative. I mean,

This case had kind
of fallen off the radar.

What made you follow up on it?

It was...

You know, for the children.

No, really, why?

Simms:
I have sex stains

Right here.

Anything usable?

Maybe.

I'm going to try
magnetic bead separation.

It works best
for getting results

From inhibited surfaces.

If the inhibited surface
is a negative,

Then it needs

A strong positive
to draw it out.

Yeah, it also needs an outside
Agent to activate

The... Attraction.

Couldn't the outside Agent
contaminate the entire process?

No, it's not strong enough.

In fact, it's really

Only there to get
things started.

Sounds like a delicate process.

Hmm, it is.
One that requires

A lot of patience.

It's worth it,

Because...

Once the two
are bound together,

Everything else is left behind.

Okay.

Let me know

How it turns out.

(sighs)

Hey! I know what
you're doing,

And I know why you're doing it.

You're trying to ruin
my date with Wendy.

Well, it's not gonna happen.

I followed protocol.

I asked you if it was
cool, and you said "yes."

Henry, I understand you're having
a bad day, but I really don't see

How I factor into any of it.
Oh, fine, then I'll spell it out for you.

First, you monkeyed
with my gcms,

And when that didn't work,
you took it to the next level.

But that didn't work, either.

Our date is still on.

I hired a limo.

That's kind of flashy
for a first date.

Stay out of my lab and stay
out of my life, or else.

Or else what?
Back off, man.

I'm a toxicologist.

I know every
odorless, colorless,

Vomit-inducing
liquid known to man.

You think about that

The next time you eat lunch.

Ds are added
to a sample of the stain from

The jeans, the DNA actually
binds to sites on the metal.

And then in the magnetic field,
the beads with the DNA

Are separated from the rest
of the soup.

Now, this particular
sample came back

As a mixture, so we just

Subtract out
the victim's profile.

And we get...

An unknown male.
All we've got to do

Is match it to a tenant
in the building.

You just made denim
speak for the dead.

Brass:
I'm sure

You'll all be willing to give us
a DNA sample to assist

In our investigation. There's a bunch of
other people whose apartments burned up.

Why are we the only ones here?

You just got lucky, I guess.

Fine, just show me
the cup to pee in

Or take my blood or whatever,
but I gotta be at my job

In 20 minutes,
so can we get this done?

That's the attitude.
Let's go. All right.

Hey, uh, look,

Giving DNA to cops... Uh...

The way I see it, that's
an invasion of my privacy,

So I'm going to decline.

You know, just on principle.

Sure, I respect your rights.

What's your name?
Melvin dodge.

Melvin dodge.

Apartment 3c.

I just have a few
things to follow up on,

So why don't we have a chat?

Just you and me.

Okay, okay.

According to the landlord,
you moved in

Three days before the fire.

Boy, that's a tough break.

Has the town been treating
you any better since?

Yeah, I got a job dealing craps
over at the palermo.

They let me go, though.

Layoffs.
There is a recession going on.

Maybe that's not
the best time to move.

Three days before the fire,

That's barely enough
time to unpack.

Yeah, I was totally living out

Of boxes.
Boxes?

You know what I
hate about boxes?

The stuff they put in them... the
peanuts... they get everywhere.

I learned something about them.

You know, they're not
made out of styrofoam.

To be friendly to the environment,
they're made out of cornstarch.

They keep things from
getting crushed, and also,

Keeps a dead girl
from going up in flames.

Look, I can get your DNA
in about ten seconds.

Tell me what happened
right now,

And maybe we can
knock the charge

Down to involuntary
manslaughter.

That's a break for you.

I didn't know
she was going to die.

I met her at haze.

She was new in town, too.

She didn't know
anybody, either.

We started drinking. A lot.

She got flirty. She asked me
if I had any drugs.

I told her I had
zolpidem back at my place.

She starts talking about all
the dirty things we can do

If we popped a couple.

15 minutes later,
she's doing things to me

I've only seen online.

Then I woke up
the next morning...

Babe?

And there she was.
Hey, come on.

Hey, wake up.
Dead.

I don't know what happened.

She said that she had
done it before.

I guess I just wasn't
thinking straight.

So you put her body
in one of your boxes, figured

You'd throw it
in a dumpster later?

Was that the plan?

I guess so.

But then, I got home that night

And I saw that the whole place
was going up in flames.

The fireman came up
and he told me that

My apartment had been
completely destroyed.

I kind of felt like
I got lucky again.

How do you feel now?

Let's do some writing.

This guy's life
is totally over.

How do you deal with this
day after day?

It's good work when you know
you're on the right side.

Captain brass?

I just want to say that
I think it's awesome

The way you've pulled
your life back together.

Did you get

Into a program?

Who are you?

And what's he been telling you?

What?

Oh, come on...

Oh, no way.

This isn't funny!

What the...?!

(grunting)

(exclaims)

(whimpers):
Help. My face...

Help.

(banging)

Lab tech down! Aah!

Wait, is that acetone?

Ah...

It is the best way to
dissolve cyanoacrylate, Henry.

Yeah... ah!

That's toxic.

Well, not so much, if you
keep your mouth closed

And cover your eyes with that.

Okay.
Lucky for you,

I was feeling better and decided
to come to work today.

There's no telling how long
you could've been stuck here.

Obviously,

Someone has not been adhering to
lab policy against pranks,

Which is strange because we're
usually such a cohesive group.

Please stop.
I think it's a terrible

Injustice, because you...

(groans)

...Are the glue

That holds this
whole place together.

Let's see.

Mm-hmm. Looks like someone

Shimmed the lock, then

Applied contact adhesive

To the interior surfaces
of your locker.

Yeah, well,
I have a very good idea who.

Stick it to him, Henry.

Hey. I saw you and Henry

In the hall before...
Look, I haven't been messing with Henry.

I'm not trying to spoil
your date, and I hope that

You guys have
a very nice life together.

I really wasn't trying
to blame you for anything.

I was just checking in.

Why are your hands
in your pockets?

Because I'm socially awkward,

And it gives me
a sense of security.

You know,
after Henry accused me,

I began to suspect
that someone was trying

To pin their
practical jokes on me.

So I mixed up
a little something called

"detection spray" and I put
it all over the surfaces

That I felt that Henry would be
most vulnerable to pranks,

Including his locker.

It's essentially
a ninhydrin solution,

Which goes on clear,
then reacts

With the amino salts
in perspiration,

Leaving a stain on anyone
who touches it.

And the more that the perp
tries to wash it off,

The more the stain spreads.

That's really fascinating.
I should go.

It can last up to five days.

You may want to wear a dress
with pockets tonight.

I'm not proud of this.

Then why

Did you do it?
Because, originally,

I really wanted
to go out with Henry.

Because he's everything that
I know I should be looking for.

He's adorable

And charming and funny and

Sweet and nice to me...
Okay, I get it.

He's peachy.
But then, I realized

That what
I'm supposed to want...

Isn't what I do want.

So...

Basically,
I did the mature thing

And I tortured the poor guy
with practical jokes all day,

Thinking that it might make him
cancel the date.

That does sound like
something I'd do.

All right, Hodges,
Henry tells me that you

Reprogrammed the gcms.

And glued my face to my locker

And poked my hose.

Willows: Whatever.
If this is true, you're looking

At a formal reprimand and
days off. Did you do it?

Simms:
Can I just say something?

I am so sorry...

That you didn't
stop me earlier.

You see, Wendy

Suspected what I was up to, and
she was urging me to come clean.

I swear,
it'll never happen again.

Mea culpa.

Can you forgive me?

This is going to go on

Your permanent record.

You got your

Confession... happy?

Hmm.

Nobody likes a snitch.

(whimpers)

(Hodges clears throat)

Henry, I am so, so sorry.

I guess this means
our date's off?

Oh, yeah.

I guess I need some time

For my face to heal!

Can I get a rain check?

Mmm!

It's never going to happen.

(sighs)

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