CHiPs (1977–1983): Season 4, Episode 2 - Sick Leave - full transcript
The CHiPs try to persuade a fellow officer to take sick leave after he takes unnecessary risks.
[CHATTERING]
One of those guys could be president
of the United States one of these days.
Yeah, if they ever get
through pledge week.
We get through pledge week.
Isn't Chris in a
fraternity this year?
Yeah. My son, you know, he spends
all his time in class and the library.
A real studious type, you
know? Scholarship winner.
He helped me, uh, get my A in
Incan Civilization ♪♪ last year.
- Heh. Still into archeology?
- Yeah.
Six more years of this and
I'm off to Machu Picchu, Peru.
- Right now, I'm off to the Harbor Freeway.
- The Harbor Freeway or Indianapolis?
What kind of crack is that?
We've been hearing some
weird stories about you lately.
Uh, about your driving. Heh-heh.
Like how overnight you're in a
class with the pole sitter at Indy.
Well, how about it, lead
foot? Any truth to the rumors?
[HORN HONKING]
The dean's car again.
[SIREN WAILING]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
Call it off. Pull it over.
- I can't.
- What do you mean, you can't?
Come on, all we're into is a
prank and it's getting out of hand.
I'm on probation. They
catch me, I'm expelled.
- Better that than dead.
- I will be dead if my father catches me.
Hold on.
[TIRES SCREECHING]
I lose those thieves,
I'll hold you responsible.
- All right?
- Phew.
[ENGINE STALLING]
Hey, Andy.
What is this? It quits on
me when I'm going good.
I could have got those jerks.
There's a nice paved street here, you
didn't have to fly off the embankment.
Monday morning quarterback.
I make one of the greatest
moves of my career, he complains.
[TIRES SCREECHING]
Come over tonight. Throw
a couple steaks on the fire.
- I'll bring the wine.
- And the girls.
- One girl. Get your own.
- I'll take a stab at it.
Hey, just the two
guys I want to see.
Probably about that old piece of
pottery I showed him yesterday.
This whole building's probably
sitting on the Lost City of the Incas.
- Now we're gonna have to move.
- Grossie, would I kid you about your dice?
Whoops.
[SIGHS]
I wanna apologize
to you two guys...
for, uh, yelling at you.
- Yelling?
- Yeah.
You know, when I
chewed you two guys out.
I wanna apologize for that.
You just tried something that didn't come
off, that's all. You weren't yelling at us.
Come on, Jon. Don't treat
me with kid gloves, huh?
Hey, look, all you
did was suggest that...
maybe we, uh, Monday-morning
quarterbacked you.
- And maybe we did.
- No, it wasn't...
It wasn't what I said.
It was the way I said it.
And that's what I wanna
apologize for, see?
Because I was way out of line...
and I'm really sorry for that.
Sure, but...
Hey, Jon, come on.
Let the guy off the hook.
Yeah. I didn't know the
guy was on the hook.
[EXHALES]
Apology accepted.
[sesame]
[INHALES DEEPLY]
Thanks, you guys.
[BLUBBERING] I
wouldn't have done it.
Can't... Can't
accept an apology.
[sesame]
[KNOCKS ON DOOR]
Dad?
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Hey, Chris
boy. Hey, what a pleasant surprise.
What are you doing here, huh?
I figured I might see my closest
relative at least once today.
What? Aren't we
going out for dinner?
Professor Dictor gave
us a test. I'm spending
the next couple of
nights in the library.
Oh, boy, this Professor
Dictor, what a martinet.
- You guys know each other, don't you?
- Yeah.
You're free to break some
bread with me and Jon?
- He sure is.
- Okay, be at my place in one hour, okay?
I'll be there.
Can you give me a
ride back to campus?
- I took the bus down.
- Yeah, sure. Come on.
How are you feeling today?
Are you kidding? I feel
great. I'm on top of the world.
[IN UNISON] Cancel the girls.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
[HELICOPTER WHIRRING]
MAN 1: What are they doing?
MAN 2: What are we sitting here for? MAN
3: It's those Upsilons. Let's go get them.
[ALL CHATTERING]
They're stealing the bird.
Come on, Dad. You're a cop,
aren't you gonna go after them?
[LAUGHING]
[HORN HONKING]
[LAUGHING]
You okay?
ANDY: It was just like chasing
the greased pigs at a county fair.
[CHUCKLING]
I think I cracked
a rib laughing.
Just think, in years to come, that stunt
will become a legend on Fraternity Row.
Yeah.
Even my no-sense-of-humor son is
gonna get hysterical over that one.
Chris didn't think it was funny?
He thought I should
have gone after them.
You should have.
What if that helicopter
would have dropped
that pledge or the statue?
Oh, sure. I can see me in
my economy four banger...
chasing some helicopter
across town. Mm.
Hey, did I tell you guys that it looks like
Chris is going to get that scholarship?
Didn't know he was up for one.
Why do you think he spends all
of his nights at the library, Ponch?
Look at him, he's got
that look on his face again.
Oh, I'm just... Heh. I'm just
wondering who swiped that statue.
Does Chris know anything?
Yeah.
The Upsilons. They're
gonna be talked to.
That's, uh, the
engineering students, right?
Yeah. They'd be the ones
that know about the helicopters.
[LAUGHING]
Oh, hey, before I forget.
That should about cover it.
[CHUCKLES]
Cover what? What's
that for, Andy?
Well, you know I don't
take freebies, Ponch.
I mean, you know that about me.
It's for all this,
that's what it's for.
Hey. You're my guest, Andy.
I invited you to dinner.
If it was gonna be Dutch treat,
I would have said so, but it isn't.
Yeah. Put your money away, man.
Don't patronize me, eh, Ponch!
I beg your pardon, Andy.
You think I don't know?
You really think I don't know
why you invited me here tonight?
Well, I got news for you, pal.
I understand perfectly.
Andy, come on.
You're a guest here.
Hey' “R's okay' Jenny.
All right, Andy. Why do you
think I invited you here for?
Tell us what you think.
Because you think
I'm crazy, don't you?
Just take a look at
the look on your face.
Jon and Ponch, it's as
plain as day, you know.
I got news for you, you
guys can go pound sand.
You, and you, and Getraer...
and all of you!
One, two, three,
four, five, six, seven.
That better cover it, and if
you don't like it, then sue me.
[DOOR SLAMS]
[PONCH CLEARS THROAT]
What brought all that on?
[CHATTERING]
Andy's not here yet.
What?
PONCH: Ah, nothing.
Yeah, I've been thinking the same thing.
I wonder if we should confide in Getraer.
Yeah, and if we do and it
turns out that Andy's just tired...
we've badmouthed
a damn good officer.
All right, I just have a
few items this morning.
Number one, scratch 63
boy from the beat priority.
Uh, Stokowski's taking
four hours of CTO and
won't be hitting the
bricks until 1300 hours.
And for those of you
working the north end...
a pledge week note on the
kidnapping of the Xi Chi fraternity statue.
- The bird.
- The bronze bird.
It happens to have been
given as a gift to Xi Chi...
by the immortal Franz Brokappe
himself, a former brother.
- So the statue's valuable, right?
- Valuable enough to be held for ransom.
And not for
birdseed either, huh?
[ALL LAUGHING]
You never disappoint
your fans, do you?
Okay, that's it. Get to work.
I'd like to talk to Andy's son
Chris at the college library.
Who knows? I might
even take out a book.
Ha-ha-ha. That will be the day.
CHRIS: I don't know what's wrong with
him. I was hoping you guys could tell me.
All I know is he's got something on his
mind, enough to give him a headache.
You mean that
literally? I mean, uh...
migraine headaches?
That's what he claims.
He keeps saying
it's nothing serious...
but he squinches up
his eyes, it's hard for
him to breathe, takes
aspirin by the handful.
Does he ever yell at
you for no reason at all?
Wouldn't call headaches
that bad "no reason."
- Yeah, but I mean, he does do it?
- And then he gets real apologetic, right?
Apologetic?
He breaks into tears.
Yeah, we know.
Either that or he
starts laughing.
You should have seen him when
they helicoptered away the statue.
- Did he tell you about that?
- It cracked him up.
I thought he'd asphyxiate himself.
He just couldn't stop laughing.
You ever tried to talk to
him? I mean, pin him down?
He claims that there's
nothing to talk about.
He says that, um, I'm
making him paranoid.
Next thing I'm gonna do is go around
tilting all the pictures on the walls...
and then telling him that
they're perfectly straight.
Sometimes I don't
think he's kidding.
I wanted to talk to you
guys, ask if you'd talk to him.
You think he'd be more open
with us than he'd be with his son?
Maybe.
Maybe not.
I don't know.
It sure won't hurt to try, man.
It's like there's somebody
else inside of him.
Somebody coming between us.
I wanna help him, I
just don't know how.
We'll do the best we can,
I promise you that, Chris.
- And you can believe him.
- Thank you.
BAKER: See you later.
I feel better already.
[MOTORCYCLE APPROACHING]
Uh-oh.
Oh, well, well, well.
A drop and a pickup.
[TIRES SCREECHING]
[SIREN WAILING]
Okay, joker, you wanna
race? We're gonna race.
[CHUCKLING]
Come on, Luke Skywalker,
off your spaceship! Ha-ha-ha!
Okay, you win the
battle, we'll win the war!
Excuse me, sarge,
but no one told me...
that there was a ransom
payoff going down.
Excuse me...
I mean, I thought I had a
good narcotics bust going down.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I guess you did.
I mean, I would have
yelled at me too, you know?
I would have yelled at me too.
Hey, listen, tell me. How much are
they trying to extort for that statue?
GETRAER: Don't ask.
[SIGHS]
Boy, oh, boy. This is
some day, isn't it? Heh.
Boy, you know, you guys...
WOMAN [OVER PA]: Dr. Wilson
to ICU, please. Dr. Wilson.
Dr. Grant, call 3 West, please.
Dr. Grant.
[TIRES SCREECHING]
Hey, boys. Let's go
celebrate, what do you say?
- Celebrate what, Andy?
- My clean bill of health, man.
- That fainting didn't mean a thing.
- You could have fooled us.
There it is.
Black and white.
Nothing wrong with
me except I gotta cut out
some of those late
nights and wild parties.
- Doctor's orders.
- What's this about the celebration?
Well, I thought we'd go hoist a few at
the Boom Boom Bazaar. What do you say?
How does that fit in with
no late nights and parties?
Right, scratch the
Boom Boom Bazaar.
Home and hot milk
it is. You guys can't
blame me for wanting
to whoop it up a little.
It takes a load off my
mind. I'll see you guys.
- How did you know it'd be here?
- Had to be.
What's his name, the Upsilon
president? His dad owns this garage.
[CLICKS FINGERS]
Well, there's nobody around.
Wanna strike while the iron's hot?
I say they're gonna throw the
book at us if they figure us out.
For what? It's just a
college pledge week prank.
Then we're gonna give
them the ransom back?
Did you hear that?
Give the ransom back?
[HORN HONKING]
- Watch out!
- Get your own bird, Ups!
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Let's go.
[HORN HONKING]
[HORN HONKING]
[SIREN WAILING]
63 Boy, to any unit northbound,
vicinity of Barham Drive and 4th Street.
In pursuit two vehicles.
One, flatbed truck with
a statue not tied down.
The other, 1970 Plymouth...
California license, uh...
3-5-0 Boy, Adam, Robert.
Mary 3 and 4 responding, 63.
We'll be coming up 4th from the
Harbor Freeway. Will attempt to intercept.
10-4, Punch.
Hey, that cop wants
us to pull over, man.
For what? All we're doing is chasing
the guys who stole the goshawk.
- They stole their own statue?
- Yes. Machiavellian, aren't they?
There's two more on
motorcycles. Would you pullover?
Oh, boy, just what we needed.
They want you to stop, so stop.
Stop! Come on, I mean it!
- I'll switch the gears.
- Man, we'll make it.
- You may not know when to quit, but I do.
- Hey!
[CHATTERING]
BAKER: All right,
knock it off. Knock it off!
HAROLD: Hey.
Hey, hey, all we were doing was
rescuing our own statue, officer.
That's not all you were doing.
Hey, you want me to bring you up on
charges in front of fraternity council?
ANDY: Uh...
might have to wait with that until we bring
you up on charges in front of the judge.
[ANDY LAUGHING]
Well, what do you think, boys?
We make a great team, don't we?
Team, Andy? You almost
turned us into peanut butter.
That's colorful,
Ponch, but it's not true.
I was in complete
control all the way.
- Jon, why doesn't he understand that?
- I don't understand it, Andy.
You're risking our lives. Is
that what you're trying to tell us?
Oh, come on, Jon.
We weren't risking anything.
Trust me. We're heroes.
[PONCH SIGHS]
I don't know about you, man,
but I don't see any improvement.
Clean bill of health.
All he was doing was waving that note
in front of us, he didn't let us read it.
WOMAN [OVER PA]:
Dr. Stockley, telephone call.
Dr. Stockley.
Dr. Stockley, telephone call.
STOCKLEY: Stockley.
Dr. Stockley? We had you paged.
We'd like to consult you about
a colleague, Andy Stokowski.
You know I'll wanna
see some authorization.
We thought you would.
CHRIS: Officer
Stokowski is my father.
Oh, and you want clarification
of the diagnosis I gave him?
- He said he'd been overdoing it.
- Fatigue was implied.
- Fatigue?
- Being a neurosurgeon...
we couldn't understand why he would
consult you on a case of overwork.
That's what he told
you? Overwork?
Why am I surprised?
I should be used to it.
It's a lot more serious
than that, isn't it?
You got a backbone?
You gonna collapse on me?
- Maybe you better sit down.
- That bad?
Your father has a
lesion on the brain.
It's large. It's malignant.
It's inoperable.
It's terminal.
All right, sir. Thank
you. Drive carefully.
Well, well, well.
You boys pull up here to, uh,
talk about my little party, huh?
BAKER: Party?
Yeah. My party at the
Boom Boom Bazaar.
Jonny, what's happening
to your memory, huh?
We didn't come to talk
about your party, Andy.
We just came from talking
with Chris and Dr. Stockley.
You had no right.
You had no right to do that,
Ponch. It's none of your business.
It is our business.
You almost killed us, and
I don't think you knew it.
Who do you think you're
talking to, some rookie?
Jon, no matter what's wrong
with me, it doesn't affect my work.
That's exactly what we're
talking about. It does, Andy.
[CHUCKLING]
Boy, you boys are really
something, you know that?
You'd think I was
gonna die tomorrow.
He said you'd deny it.
Deny what?
That I have a brain tumor?
Yeah, okay.
What's there to deny?
I've got a brain tumor.
I got maybe a year
or two left, so what?
What would you be
doing, Ponch? Huh?
Would you be sitting at home,
looking at some game show or soap?
That's a real
useful life, isn't it?
That's exactly why I didn't wanna
tell anybody what was wrong with me.
Because you guys are looking at me here
now like I got this thing in my head...
and that completely alters your
judgment of my competence.
Andy, our judgment of your competence
was altered before we knew what was wrong.
Now, that's impossible.
I've been at the top of my form through
this, and you say I haven't, you're a liar.
So let Sergeant Getraer
be the judge of that.
Jonny, please.
Please.
Please, you can't do this to me.
You guys, you go to Joe,
you think I got two years left?
I got two mon... I got
maybe two weeks left.
Is that what you wanna do?
You know how many lives I can
save out there during that time?
Even if it's one life, you
think it wouldn't be worth it?
[SIGHS]
Okay.
Okay.
It's all right.
There's no problem,
I'll go talk to Getraer.
You guys just relax, sit here,
and, uh, tell yourselves what, uh...
What great friends
you are to me.
Yeah, sure, it's easy for you.
You'll be off suspension by
the time next term rolls around.
I'll be pumping gas in
my old man's filling station.
Look, some other college is bound to take
you. I mean, your grades aren't that bad.
Yeah? Who's gonna pay for
my tuition? My living quarters?
Your old man isn't
really gonna cut you off.
He means it, Paul.
Those lousy Upsilons
really did it to me this time.
I don't think anyone
meant to single you out.
They're gonna regret it, though.
I'm not going without
taking a few of them with me.
Hey, if you're thinking of doing something
crazy again, you can count me out.
Don't worry about it, buddy.
I'm gonna take care
of this one all by myself.
Do that.
BAKER: You wanna
talk to us, sarge?
Yeah. I, um, want to talk to
you about Andy Stokowski.
You two must've had
a pretty heavy talk.
A party at the Boom Boom
Bazaar is your idea of heavy, Frank?
That's what he told you about?
You're supposed to know about it. He
said you were co-chairmen of the event.
What?
Maybe he just, uh,
forgot to tell you about it.
Whatever. The point is, I'm not
against you having the party...
I'm just against the place
in which he wants to hold it.
- You know, I would have thought...
- Look, I'm not a prude, Jon.
Where you guys go on
your off duty is up to you...
except when that place
is under surveillance
by the local Vice
and Narcotics squads.
[CHUCKLES]
It's not funny, Frank.
I want you guys to
have a talk with him.
- Uh...
- All right, Jon.
Yeah, we'll talk to him.
[SIGHS]
Come on, you know how early the parking
lot fills up around the Hollywood Bowl.
If we don't get there by 6, it'll take us
fill the concert starts to find our seats.
Especially when you've
got Perlman doing that
Mendelssohn violin
concerto you told me about.
The place will
probably be packed.
- Yeah, what's the symphony?
- It's Mahler's "First."
- Mahler.
- There you go.
[ENGINE STARTS]
PONCH: Andy?
- Open the door.
- Andy?
- Hey, Andy, open the door!
PONCH: Andy.
We're gonna have to call an
ambulance. Andy, open the door!
[MUTTERING]
Ambulance?
- What are you guys, sick or what, huh?
- Never mind us, what about you?
ANDY: Oh, boy.
[SIGHS]
Huh.
I gotta pullover and rest
my eyes for a minute...
and the next thing I know, I'm 3
Rip van what's-his-name, huh?
When did you pullover
to, uh, rest your eyes?
Jon, I'm joking.
When do you think it was, this
morning? Yesterday afternoon?
Why don't you
call in for a break?
Oh, boy. No sense of humor.
Kind, considerate, courteous,
but no sense of humor.
[GRUNTS]
Oh.
Oh, we're in for a
real storm, aren't we?
Andy, there isn't
a cloud in the sky.
What are you
talking about, Ponch?
Look how dark it is.
You kidding me?
You kidding me, boys?
We're not kidding, Andy.
[CRYING]
Oh, so soon.
So stinking soon.
Stockley said it was
gonna happen like this, but...
Damn, he said it
could be a year.
This ain't even a month.
What kind of doctor is this?
Andy, uh, did the doctor
say you'd go blind?
[CHUCKLES]
[SIGHS]
No, no, no.
It's gonna be all right. It's
getting lighter already. It's, uh...
I'm... I'm gonna be all right.
You're not gonna be
all right, and you know it.
You didn't go to Getraer's
office this morning.
Ponch!
I'm not quitting before
I have to! I'm not!
BAKER: Andy, Andy,
wait... Wait a minute.
You don't have to quit.
Just take some light
duty or some sick leave.
What, a desk job?
I'm afield officer.
I'm a cop.
[ALL SCREAMING THEN HORN HONKS]
He's crazy!
He's getting back at you because
he was kicked out of school!
[HORN HONKING]
- Here he comes again!
- Aah!
[HORN HONKING]
We'll handle that, Andy.
[MUTTERING]
Andy, don't do it, man!
[MOTORCYCLES REVVING]
LA. 15, Mary 3 and 4 in pursuit
of reckless driving suspects...
northbound San Diego freeway.
[SCREAMING]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
Oh, not now.
[SCREAMING]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
[SIREN WAILING]
He's all yours!
[MAN GRUNTING]
Come on, there's gas
coming out! Move it!
WOMAN: Mary's inside!
- Move it!
- I'll get her!
- She's hurt!
Roll an ambulance
and 11-85 for one.
Are you guys all right?
[HEART THUMPING]
[MARY SCREAMING]
- Are you all right?
- Uh, yeah. I am.
Uh, I think I am.
BAKER: Don't move.
Don't move, man.
Can't move.
My back.
A piece of metal.
Shrapnel.
Don't move, man.
I mean it. All right?
It's okay, Jon.
It's all right.
Remember when I said...
if I could save one life...
it would be worth it?
Chris?
"In memory of Officer
Andrew Stokowski, CHP...
with gratitude and affection...
from members of the Xi
Chi and Upsilon fraternities...
graduating class of 1981."
STUDENTS [SINGING]: Should
auld acquaintance he forgot
And never brought to mind?
I don't think I'm gonna
wait until I get home.
I'm gonna start crying
like a baby right here.
Your father deserves
every bit of it.
I just had this feeling.
He'd like it a whole lot
more if the bird had, like,
a big cigar in its beak
and a pair of sunglasses.
You know something?
That's the truth.
Why don't we go pick it up and,
uh, sneak back later tonight, huh?
You got it.
STUDENTS [SINGING]:
For auld lang syne
[English - us - SDH]
One of those guys could be president
of the United States one of these days.
Yeah, if they ever get
through pledge week.
We get through pledge week.
Isn't Chris in a
fraternity this year?
Yeah. My son, you know, he spends
all his time in class and the library.
A real studious type, you
know? Scholarship winner.
He helped me, uh, get my A in
Incan Civilization ♪♪ last year.
- Heh. Still into archeology?
- Yeah.
Six more years of this and
I'm off to Machu Picchu, Peru.
- Right now, I'm off to the Harbor Freeway.
- The Harbor Freeway or Indianapolis?
What kind of crack is that?
We've been hearing some
weird stories about you lately.
Uh, about your driving. Heh-heh.
Like how overnight you're in a
class with the pole sitter at Indy.
Well, how about it, lead
foot? Any truth to the rumors?
[HORN HONKING]
The dean's car again.
[SIREN WAILING]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
Call it off. Pull it over.
- I can't.
- What do you mean, you can't?
Come on, all we're into is a
prank and it's getting out of hand.
I'm on probation. They
catch me, I'm expelled.
- Better that than dead.
- I will be dead if my father catches me.
Hold on.
[TIRES SCREECHING]
I lose those thieves,
I'll hold you responsible.
- All right?
- Phew.
[ENGINE STALLING]
Hey, Andy.
What is this? It quits on
me when I'm going good.
I could have got those jerks.
There's a nice paved street here, you
didn't have to fly off the embankment.
Monday morning quarterback.
I make one of the greatest
moves of my career, he complains.
[TIRES SCREECHING]
Come over tonight. Throw
a couple steaks on the fire.
- I'll bring the wine.
- And the girls.
- One girl. Get your own.
- I'll take a stab at it.
Hey, just the two
guys I want to see.
Probably about that old piece of
pottery I showed him yesterday.
This whole building's probably
sitting on the Lost City of the Incas.
- Now we're gonna have to move.
- Grossie, would I kid you about your dice?
Whoops.
[SIGHS]
I wanna apologize
to you two guys...
for, uh, yelling at you.
- Yelling?
- Yeah.
You know, when I
chewed you two guys out.
I wanna apologize for that.
You just tried something that didn't come
off, that's all. You weren't yelling at us.
Come on, Jon. Don't treat
me with kid gloves, huh?
Hey, look, all you
did was suggest that...
maybe we, uh, Monday-morning
quarterbacked you.
- And maybe we did.
- No, it wasn't...
It wasn't what I said.
It was the way I said it.
And that's what I wanna
apologize for, see?
Because I was way out of line...
and I'm really sorry for that.
Sure, but...
Hey, Jon, come on.
Let the guy off the hook.
Yeah. I didn't know the
guy was on the hook.
[EXHALES]
Apology accepted.
[sesame]
[INHALES DEEPLY]
Thanks, you guys.
[BLUBBERING] I
wouldn't have done it.
Can't... Can't
accept an apology.
[sesame]
[KNOCKS ON DOOR]
Dad?
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Hey, Chris
boy. Hey, what a pleasant surprise.
What are you doing here, huh?
I figured I might see my closest
relative at least once today.
What? Aren't we
going out for dinner?
Professor Dictor gave
us a test. I'm spending
the next couple of
nights in the library.
Oh, boy, this Professor
Dictor, what a martinet.
- You guys know each other, don't you?
- Yeah.
You're free to break some
bread with me and Jon?
- He sure is.
- Okay, be at my place in one hour, okay?
I'll be there.
Can you give me a
ride back to campus?
- I took the bus down.
- Yeah, sure. Come on.
How are you feeling today?
Are you kidding? I feel
great. I'm on top of the world.
[IN UNISON] Cancel the girls.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
[HELICOPTER WHIRRING]
MAN 1: What are they doing?
MAN 2: What are we sitting here for? MAN
3: It's those Upsilons. Let's go get them.
[ALL CHATTERING]
They're stealing the bird.
Come on, Dad. You're a cop,
aren't you gonna go after them?
[LAUGHING]
[HORN HONKING]
[LAUGHING]
You okay?
ANDY: It was just like chasing
the greased pigs at a county fair.
[CHUCKLING]
I think I cracked
a rib laughing.
Just think, in years to come, that stunt
will become a legend on Fraternity Row.
Yeah.
Even my no-sense-of-humor son is
gonna get hysterical over that one.
Chris didn't think it was funny?
He thought I should
have gone after them.
You should have.
What if that helicopter
would have dropped
that pledge or the statue?
Oh, sure. I can see me in
my economy four banger...
chasing some helicopter
across town. Mm.
Hey, did I tell you guys that it looks like
Chris is going to get that scholarship?
Didn't know he was up for one.
Why do you think he spends all
of his nights at the library, Ponch?
Look at him, he's got
that look on his face again.
Oh, I'm just... Heh. I'm just
wondering who swiped that statue.
Does Chris know anything?
Yeah.
The Upsilons. They're
gonna be talked to.
That's, uh, the
engineering students, right?
Yeah. They'd be the ones
that know about the helicopters.
[LAUGHING]
Oh, hey, before I forget.
That should about cover it.
[CHUCKLES]
Cover what? What's
that for, Andy?
Well, you know I don't
take freebies, Ponch.
I mean, you know that about me.
It's for all this,
that's what it's for.
Hey. You're my guest, Andy.
I invited you to dinner.
If it was gonna be Dutch treat,
I would have said so, but it isn't.
Yeah. Put your money away, man.
Don't patronize me, eh, Ponch!
I beg your pardon, Andy.
You think I don't know?
You really think I don't know
why you invited me here tonight?
Well, I got news for you, pal.
I understand perfectly.
Andy, come on.
You're a guest here.
Hey' “R's okay' Jenny.
All right, Andy. Why do you
think I invited you here for?
Tell us what you think.
Because you think
I'm crazy, don't you?
Just take a look at
the look on your face.
Jon and Ponch, it's as
plain as day, you know.
I got news for you, you
guys can go pound sand.
You, and you, and Getraer...
and all of you!
One, two, three,
four, five, six, seven.
That better cover it, and if
you don't like it, then sue me.
[DOOR SLAMS]
[PONCH CLEARS THROAT]
What brought all that on?
[CHATTERING]
Andy's not here yet.
What?
PONCH: Ah, nothing.
Yeah, I've been thinking the same thing.
I wonder if we should confide in Getraer.
Yeah, and if we do and it
turns out that Andy's just tired...
we've badmouthed
a damn good officer.
All right, I just have a
few items this morning.
Number one, scratch 63
boy from the beat priority.
Uh, Stokowski's taking
four hours of CTO and
won't be hitting the
bricks until 1300 hours.
And for those of you
working the north end...
a pledge week note on the
kidnapping of the Xi Chi fraternity statue.
- The bird.
- The bronze bird.
It happens to have been
given as a gift to Xi Chi...
by the immortal Franz Brokappe
himself, a former brother.
- So the statue's valuable, right?
- Valuable enough to be held for ransom.
And not for
birdseed either, huh?
[ALL LAUGHING]
You never disappoint
your fans, do you?
Okay, that's it. Get to work.
I'd like to talk to Andy's son
Chris at the college library.
Who knows? I might
even take out a book.
Ha-ha-ha. That will be the day.
CHRIS: I don't know what's wrong with
him. I was hoping you guys could tell me.
All I know is he's got something on his
mind, enough to give him a headache.
You mean that
literally? I mean, uh...
migraine headaches?
That's what he claims.
He keeps saying
it's nothing serious...
but he squinches up
his eyes, it's hard for
him to breathe, takes
aspirin by the handful.
Does he ever yell at
you for no reason at all?
Wouldn't call headaches
that bad "no reason."
- Yeah, but I mean, he does do it?
- And then he gets real apologetic, right?
Apologetic?
He breaks into tears.
Yeah, we know.
Either that or he
starts laughing.
You should have seen him when
they helicoptered away the statue.
- Did he tell you about that?
- It cracked him up.
I thought he'd asphyxiate himself.
He just couldn't stop laughing.
You ever tried to talk to
him? I mean, pin him down?
He claims that there's
nothing to talk about.
He says that, um, I'm
making him paranoid.
Next thing I'm gonna do is go around
tilting all the pictures on the walls...
and then telling him that
they're perfectly straight.
Sometimes I don't
think he's kidding.
I wanted to talk to you
guys, ask if you'd talk to him.
You think he'd be more open
with us than he'd be with his son?
Maybe.
Maybe not.
I don't know.
It sure won't hurt to try, man.
It's like there's somebody
else inside of him.
Somebody coming between us.
I wanna help him, I
just don't know how.
We'll do the best we can,
I promise you that, Chris.
- And you can believe him.
- Thank you.
BAKER: See you later.
I feel better already.
[MOTORCYCLE APPROACHING]
Uh-oh.
Oh, well, well, well.
A drop and a pickup.
[TIRES SCREECHING]
[SIREN WAILING]
Okay, joker, you wanna
race? We're gonna race.
[CHUCKLING]
Come on, Luke Skywalker,
off your spaceship! Ha-ha-ha!
Okay, you win the
battle, we'll win the war!
Excuse me, sarge,
but no one told me...
that there was a ransom
payoff going down.
Excuse me...
I mean, I thought I had a
good narcotics bust going down.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I guess you did.
I mean, I would have
yelled at me too, you know?
I would have yelled at me too.
Hey, listen, tell me. How much are
they trying to extort for that statue?
GETRAER: Don't ask.
[SIGHS]
Boy, oh, boy. This is
some day, isn't it? Heh.
Boy, you know, you guys...
WOMAN [OVER PA]: Dr. Wilson
to ICU, please. Dr. Wilson.
Dr. Grant, call 3 West, please.
Dr. Grant.
[TIRES SCREECHING]
Hey, boys. Let's go
celebrate, what do you say?
- Celebrate what, Andy?
- My clean bill of health, man.
- That fainting didn't mean a thing.
- You could have fooled us.
There it is.
Black and white.
Nothing wrong with
me except I gotta cut out
some of those late
nights and wild parties.
- Doctor's orders.
- What's this about the celebration?
Well, I thought we'd go hoist a few at
the Boom Boom Bazaar. What do you say?
How does that fit in with
no late nights and parties?
Right, scratch the
Boom Boom Bazaar.
Home and hot milk
it is. You guys can't
blame me for wanting
to whoop it up a little.
It takes a load off my
mind. I'll see you guys.
- How did you know it'd be here?
- Had to be.
What's his name, the Upsilon
president? His dad owns this garage.
[CLICKS FINGERS]
Well, there's nobody around.
Wanna strike while the iron's hot?
I say they're gonna throw the
book at us if they figure us out.
For what? It's just a
college pledge week prank.
Then we're gonna give
them the ransom back?
Did you hear that?
Give the ransom back?
[HORN HONKING]
- Watch out!
- Get your own bird, Ups!
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Let's go.
[HORN HONKING]
[HORN HONKING]
[SIREN WAILING]
63 Boy, to any unit northbound,
vicinity of Barham Drive and 4th Street.
In pursuit two vehicles.
One, flatbed truck with
a statue not tied down.
The other, 1970 Plymouth...
California license, uh...
3-5-0 Boy, Adam, Robert.
Mary 3 and 4 responding, 63.
We'll be coming up 4th from the
Harbor Freeway. Will attempt to intercept.
10-4, Punch.
Hey, that cop wants
us to pull over, man.
For what? All we're doing is chasing
the guys who stole the goshawk.
- They stole their own statue?
- Yes. Machiavellian, aren't they?
There's two more on
motorcycles. Would you pullover?
Oh, boy, just what we needed.
They want you to stop, so stop.
Stop! Come on, I mean it!
- I'll switch the gears.
- Man, we'll make it.
- You may not know when to quit, but I do.
- Hey!
[CHATTERING]
BAKER: All right,
knock it off. Knock it off!
HAROLD: Hey.
Hey, hey, all we were doing was
rescuing our own statue, officer.
That's not all you were doing.
Hey, you want me to bring you up on
charges in front of fraternity council?
ANDY: Uh...
might have to wait with that until we bring
you up on charges in front of the judge.
[ANDY LAUGHING]
Well, what do you think, boys?
We make a great team, don't we?
Team, Andy? You almost
turned us into peanut butter.
That's colorful,
Ponch, but it's not true.
I was in complete
control all the way.
- Jon, why doesn't he understand that?
- I don't understand it, Andy.
You're risking our lives. Is
that what you're trying to tell us?
Oh, come on, Jon.
We weren't risking anything.
Trust me. We're heroes.
[PONCH SIGHS]
I don't know about you, man,
but I don't see any improvement.
Clean bill of health.
All he was doing was waving that note
in front of us, he didn't let us read it.
WOMAN [OVER PA]:
Dr. Stockley, telephone call.
Dr. Stockley.
Dr. Stockley, telephone call.
STOCKLEY: Stockley.
Dr. Stockley? We had you paged.
We'd like to consult you about
a colleague, Andy Stokowski.
You know I'll wanna
see some authorization.
We thought you would.
CHRIS: Officer
Stokowski is my father.
Oh, and you want clarification
of the diagnosis I gave him?
- He said he'd been overdoing it.
- Fatigue was implied.
- Fatigue?
- Being a neurosurgeon...
we couldn't understand why he would
consult you on a case of overwork.
That's what he told
you? Overwork?
Why am I surprised?
I should be used to it.
It's a lot more serious
than that, isn't it?
You got a backbone?
You gonna collapse on me?
- Maybe you better sit down.
- That bad?
Your father has a
lesion on the brain.
It's large. It's malignant.
It's inoperable.
It's terminal.
All right, sir. Thank
you. Drive carefully.
Well, well, well.
You boys pull up here to, uh,
talk about my little party, huh?
BAKER: Party?
Yeah. My party at the
Boom Boom Bazaar.
Jonny, what's happening
to your memory, huh?
We didn't come to talk
about your party, Andy.
We just came from talking
with Chris and Dr. Stockley.
You had no right.
You had no right to do that,
Ponch. It's none of your business.
It is our business.
You almost killed us, and
I don't think you knew it.
Who do you think you're
talking to, some rookie?
Jon, no matter what's wrong
with me, it doesn't affect my work.
That's exactly what we're
talking about. It does, Andy.
[CHUCKLING]
Boy, you boys are really
something, you know that?
You'd think I was
gonna die tomorrow.
He said you'd deny it.
Deny what?
That I have a brain tumor?
Yeah, okay.
What's there to deny?
I've got a brain tumor.
I got maybe a year
or two left, so what?
What would you be
doing, Ponch? Huh?
Would you be sitting at home,
looking at some game show or soap?
That's a real
useful life, isn't it?
That's exactly why I didn't wanna
tell anybody what was wrong with me.
Because you guys are looking at me here
now like I got this thing in my head...
and that completely alters your
judgment of my competence.
Andy, our judgment of your competence
was altered before we knew what was wrong.
Now, that's impossible.
I've been at the top of my form through
this, and you say I haven't, you're a liar.
So let Sergeant Getraer
be the judge of that.
Jonny, please.
Please.
Please, you can't do this to me.
You guys, you go to Joe,
you think I got two years left?
I got two mon... I got
maybe two weeks left.
Is that what you wanna do?
You know how many lives I can
save out there during that time?
Even if it's one life, you
think it wouldn't be worth it?
[SIGHS]
Okay.
Okay.
It's all right.
There's no problem,
I'll go talk to Getraer.
You guys just relax, sit here,
and, uh, tell yourselves what, uh...
What great friends
you are to me.
Yeah, sure, it's easy for you.
You'll be off suspension by
the time next term rolls around.
I'll be pumping gas in
my old man's filling station.
Look, some other college is bound to take
you. I mean, your grades aren't that bad.
Yeah? Who's gonna pay for
my tuition? My living quarters?
Your old man isn't
really gonna cut you off.
He means it, Paul.
Those lousy Upsilons
really did it to me this time.
I don't think anyone
meant to single you out.
They're gonna regret it, though.
I'm not going without
taking a few of them with me.
Hey, if you're thinking of doing something
crazy again, you can count me out.
Don't worry about it, buddy.
I'm gonna take care
of this one all by myself.
Do that.
BAKER: You wanna
talk to us, sarge?
Yeah. I, um, want to talk to
you about Andy Stokowski.
You two must've had
a pretty heavy talk.
A party at the Boom Boom
Bazaar is your idea of heavy, Frank?
That's what he told you about?
You're supposed to know about it. He
said you were co-chairmen of the event.
What?
Maybe he just, uh,
forgot to tell you about it.
Whatever. The point is, I'm not
against you having the party...
I'm just against the place
in which he wants to hold it.
- You know, I would have thought...
- Look, I'm not a prude, Jon.
Where you guys go on
your off duty is up to you...
except when that place
is under surveillance
by the local Vice
and Narcotics squads.
[CHUCKLES]
It's not funny, Frank.
I want you guys to
have a talk with him.
- Uh...
- All right, Jon.
Yeah, we'll talk to him.
[SIGHS]
Come on, you know how early the parking
lot fills up around the Hollywood Bowl.
If we don't get there by 6, it'll take us
fill the concert starts to find our seats.
Especially when you've
got Perlman doing that
Mendelssohn violin
concerto you told me about.
The place will
probably be packed.
- Yeah, what's the symphony?
- It's Mahler's "First."
- Mahler.
- There you go.
[ENGINE STARTS]
PONCH: Andy?
- Open the door.
- Andy?
- Hey, Andy, open the door!
PONCH: Andy.
We're gonna have to call an
ambulance. Andy, open the door!
[MUTTERING]
Ambulance?
- What are you guys, sick or what, huh?
- Never mind us, what about you?
ANDY: Oh, boy.
[SIGHS]
Huh.
I gotta pullover and rest
my eyes for a minute...
and the next thing I know, I'm 3
Rip van what's-his-name, huh?
When did you pullover
to, uh, rest your eyes?
Jon, I'm joking.
When do you think it was, this
morning? Yesterday afternoon?
Why don't you
call in for a break?
Oh, boy. No sense of humor.
Kind, considerate, courteous,
but no sense of humor.
[GRUNTS]
Oh.
Oh, we're in for a
real storm, aren't we?
Andy, there isn't
a cloud in the sky.
What are you
talking about, Ponch?
Look how dark it is.
You kidding me?
You kidding me, boys?
We're not kidding, Andy.
[CRYING]
Oh, so soon.
So stinking soon.
Stockley said it was
gonna happen like this, but...
Damn, he said it
could be a year.
This ain't even a month.
What kind of doctor is this?
Andy, uh, did the doctor
say you'd go blind?
[CHUCKLES]
[SIGHS]
No, no, no.
It's gonna be all right. It's
getting lighter already. It's, uh...
I'm... I'm gonna be all right.
You're not gonna be
all right, and you know it.
You didn't go to Getraer's
office this morning.
Ponch!
I'm not quitting before
I have to! I'm not!
BAKER: Andy, Andy,
wait... Wait a minute.
You don't have to quit.
Just take some light
duty or some sick leave.
What, a desk job?
I'm afield officer.
I'm a cop.
[ALL SCREAMING THEN HORN HONKS]
He's crazy!
He's getting back at you because
he was kicked out of school!
[HORN HONKING]
- Here he comes again!
- Aah!
[HORN HONKING]
We'll handle that, Andy.
[MUTTERING]
Andy, don't do it, man!
[MOTORCYCLES REVVING]
LA. 15, Mary 3 and 4 in pursuit
of reckless driving suspects...
northbound San Diego freeway.
[SCREAMING]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
Oh, not now.
[SCREAMING]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
[SIREN WAILING]
He's all yours!
[MAN GRUNTING]
Come on, there's gas
coming out! Move it!
WOMAN: Mary's inside!
- Move it!
- I'll get her!
- She's hurt!
Roll an ambulance
and 11-85 for one.
Are you guys all right?
[HEART THUMPING]
[MARY SCREAMING]
- Are you all right?
- Uh, yeah. I am.
Uh, I think I am.
BAKER: Don't move.
Don't move, man.
Can't move.
My back.
A piece of metal.
Shrapnel.
Don't move, man.
I mean it. All right?
It's okay, Jon.
It's all right.
Remember when I said...
if I could save one life...
it would be worth it?
Chris?
"In memory of Officer
Andrew Stokowski, CHP...
with gratitude and affection...
from members of the Xi
Chi and Upsilon fraternities...
graduating class of 1981."
STUDENTS [SINGING]: Should
auld acquaintance he forgot
And never brought to mind?
I don't think I'm gonna
wait until I get home.
I'm gonna start crying
like a baby right here.
Your father deserves
every bit of it.
I just had this feeling.
He'd like it a whole lot
more if the bird had, like,
a big cigar in its beak
and a pair of sunglasses.
You know something?
That's the truth.
Why don't we go pick it up and,
uh, sneak back later tonight, huh?
You got it.
STUDENTS [SINGING]:
For auld lang syne
[English - us - SDH]