CHiPs (1977–1983): Season 3, Episode 8 - Hot Wheels - full transcript
It's not often
I'm honored with riding
with such
a high-ranking partner.
Well, with men on vacation
and Ponch in the hospital
it gives me an excuse
to get out and about.
Any objection to me
as a partner?
Uh, you know, I think I'm
gonna write a book sometime.
Uh, title it...
"Partners I've Known."
Yeah?
'Attention, structure fire'
'vicinity Peterson and Bryant.'
'Units available for 11-84,
identify.'
- Yeah.
LA 15, S 2 and Mary 3 and 4
away. We'll handle.
- Yeah, fire's in the back.
- On your right, by the vault.
Hey.
Hey, grab a hat.
Hey!
Okay, let's go.
There's a hot one back there.
Go get it.
We're moving around back.
Give me some clearance.
- You got it.
- Thanks. Appreciate it.
Wanna hold that, Getraer?
What did I tell you, huh?
It's a piece of cake.
Fantastic.
Nobody noticed nothing,
not even the cops.
Fire Department, we love you.
Come on, you guys.
Don't make me laugh.
- My ribs are killing me.
- Yeah, yeah.
You know, I suppose you would
have checked the firemen's IDs
just as they stepped out
of the bank.
Or known instinctively
that it was only a smoke bomb
in the stairwell,
uh, right, Sherlock?
Of course.
Yeah, what I don't understand
is, uh
where did they get hold
of the pumper truck?
Too bad you didn't catch
the number on that baby.
Oh, you would have,
uh, naturally.
Well, outside of eyeballing
bank robbers
what are you
and your new partner up to, huh?
Well, actually,
it's been quite pleasant.
- Uh, no heartburn--
- And no high jinks.
Yeah, as a matter of fact, uh..
...I feel like a new guy.
And I've enjoyed it too
thoroughly. Now, come on.
Uh, look, Ponch,
is there anything you need?
Uh, yeah, what I need is out
of here. The sooner, the better.
Come on.
Uh, I'll see you later, alright?
'Have fun.'
Hey, Jon, I hear they're gonna
hold the firemen's ball
at the millionaire's club
this year.
Oh, we have a comedian
in our midst.
I suppose
you would have recognized
what the rubber jackets
were up to.
Let's just say I'm glad
it was you and the sergeant
that took the call, okay?
I suppose, uh, that's your idea
of funny, huh, Grossie?
That's hilarious.
I wish I had thought of it.
That's shades of Bill Clayton.
That's the kind of thing
he used to pull.
Yeah, I forgot how stupid Bill
Clayton used to make me feel.
I assume all of you know
who Senator Dictor is
and, uh, what he's running for.
President.
We read the papers.
Uh-huh. Well, guess
who's coming to town.
- Day after tomorrow.
I bet every protester
in town is home
shining up their picket signs.
Which is why all branches
of enforcement are coordinating
their efforts
for the senator's visit.
There goes our weekend.
Yeah, well,
we're getting augmentation
from Riverside
and San Bernardino. Even so..
Well, when do we start
gearing up?
Uh, first thing in the morning.
I suggest that you don't do
any heavy carousing tonight.
Hey.
'Alright. That's it.'
Forget the ladder.
Get your helmet--
- Forget them. Let's go.
You know, the week
before old Bill left
he put me through about
eight days of sleepless nights.
Yeah, sounds like him.
Yeah, the guy would call me
up at 2:00 in the morning
and say, "Hello, is Sue there?
Hello, Sue? Hey, fella,
put Sue on the phone."
He strung that out
for a whole week?
Oh, yeah, and then
about 4:00 in the morning
I'd get a call that would say
"Hi. This is Sue.
Do I have any messages?"
Well, I recall
old Bill wanted blue skies
and fresh air,
I wonder how he likes them.
Tell you one thing,
probably better than I liked
those 4:00 in the morning
telephone calls.
Yeah, it looks like somebody's
moving out of your apartment.
Oh, no, it's probably
old Caroline Bannik
in the first floor apartment,
she was thinking
about moving to Vancouver.
I don't know.
Maybe it's the Wissets.
They were complaining
about their plumbing and--
Jon.
Hey, wait a minute. Hey, that,
that's my Charlie Russell.
Hey, wait, that's
my Charlie Russell print.
What are you guys doing here?
This is my furniture.
- That's my coffee table.
- We've got papers here.
- Well, let me see the papers.
Just a minute, alright?
Be careful with that.
Sure, double-check the address.
- That's not my signature. Look.
- No, it's not.
Of course not, it's his.
Gotcha, Jon.
- Bill Clayton.
How you doing?
You look terrific.
I couldn't be better.
How are you, Joe?
No way.
Last time I shook hands with you
you nearly buzzed my arm off.
Look, uh,
what are you doing here?
Senator Dictor.
I'm here to greet him.
What do you think?
I'd come here to see you?
And everything
was going so well.
You can stay with me. I got
plenty of room if you want.
Oh, yeah, I know.
I'm already moved in.
Come on.
Let's go talk about it.
Anyway, what did you guys
do without me anyways?
As I said yesterday,
we've been able to get
a little help from Riverside
and San Bernardino
while the senator's
in our jurisdiction.
The big guy over there
is Walter Blitz.
Behind him,
we got Bobby Brownell.
On the other side of the room,
say hello to Ira Firestone.
Bill Clayton whom I assume
has been detained, uh..
...I think most of you know.
Okay. Let's get out among them.
Hiya, sarge.
Hey, Grossie, you old Turk, you.
- 'Hey, Bill!'
- Whoo!
- Good to see you. Really nice.
- Nice to see you, man.
Hey, wait a minute, guys.
I want you to meet someone.
This is Bill Clayton.
Bonnie Clark.
- Nice meeting you, Bonnie.
- Jedidiah Turner.
- Jedidiah.
- Barry Baricza, the big man.
- Hey, big man.
Oh, uh, incidentally,
yeah, late yesterday
some thieves using a water
and power company cherry picker
knocked off a jewelry store
in Encino.
Four men
posing as DWP employees, uh..
- Yeah, our Ersatz firemen.
Yeah, that's what
I was thinking.
And check the bulletin board
before you leave.
I made some assignments
for the senator's visit.
Right.
- Okay, good to see you.
- Good to have you with us.
Anyway, so I had this guy
return the phone call to wolf.
- Now I remember it.
You were always one step
ahead of me, weren't you?
You know, no wonder
Getraer is leery of you.
Well, what can I tell you?
- You have a good day, Grossie.
- You too, buddy.
Okay.
You're a natural born
con man, Bill.
And there are some
natural born marks.
- Ow!
- Gotcha! Woo hoo hoo!
You hot-wired my seat, you fink.
You see He
was always one step ahead of me.
You're a good man, Grossie.
I'd like to curve by the
hospital and check on old Ponch.
Why not?
What's to stop us?
'Units in the vicinity
of Venice and Overland'
'we have a report of a man
jogging southbound Venice'
'wearing a football helmet,
pantyhose, and army boots.'
Good old LA.
Nothing ever changes.
You should've seen Grossman
when he hit the start-up button.
He yelled out, like, "Help!"
And then lift off.
It was the funniest thing
I ever saw.
Yeah, Bill's a funny guy,
alright.
Yeah.
You know, I'm really surprised
that Jon didn't say anything
to you about that mailbox gag.
That was a riot.
Yeah, well, it must've,
uh, slipped his mind.
I don't have a uniform
in this field.
But personally, I'd like
to see Bill stick around.
Uh, he's good from around,
you know.
Yeah, yeah, they, you know,
they used to call him, uh
Laugh-a-milli Clayton.
Yeah, you know, I bet,
I bet he and Jon are out there
right now just having a ball.
'Uh, wrong.'
Hey.
Hey, partner,
good to see you, man.
Hey, I don't know about you,
but, uh
for a sick man,
you look a little chipper.
Yeah, I'm feeling good too,
and by the way
they might let me out of here
tomorrow, the next day.
Really? That's fantastic.
Hey, where's your new partner,
Jon?
Uh, Bill?
Oh, he's getting some breakfast.
He says my cooking's
for, uh, the birds.
- Yeah, till I throw him out.
Oh, excuse me, doctor.
'I didn't know you were here.'
Are you talking to me?
I'm new on this floor.
We haven't met yet.
Well, uh, why don't you
introduce yourself, Dr. Arles?
I'm not a doctor,
I'm a mechanic.
That's what he says.
It's time
for the patient's bath.
- Good day, gentlemen.
- He's all yours.
What happened
to my regular nurse?
- Yeah.
- She was transferred.
That's too bad.
We were simpatico.
Let go of the sheet...
and turn over.
When do you have to turn this
thing back to the company?
When I tell my boss
it's fit for service.
Don't worry about it.
When we need it, it'll be ready.
- No sweat.
They make movies in this town,
remember?
What's the big idea?
He told us to test this thing.
Let's test it.
There's two cops behind us.
You better slow down.
It's no use. Give it up.
And lose my license?
No way, baby.
Look out!
LA 15 Mary 3. 11-80.
Roll, uh, paramedics
and a wrecker to Bluebird Canyon
at Dead Man's Curve
on the double.
They're unconscious,
but they're alive.
Wedged in here like sardines.
Yeah, and we're-we're all
going over, 600 feet down.
Grab it!
Easy, baby. Easy.
Wait a minute. Hold it!
Well, I am open
to any suggestions.
I wish I had one.
Easy.
Glad you could make it.
- You make it six.
Push!
Look, I think I have an idea
if you guys can hold it.
Go, man.
My back's about had it.
- Yeah.
- 'Yeah, go ahead. Do it.'
Just hang in there.
We'll get it.
We're looking good.
Just hang in there.
Easy for you to say.
Okay, Bar, don't get caught in
between these, okay? Be careful.
Alright.
Come on, Jon.
Hurry, please.
Get them out of there.
Alright, now you grab the leg.
You just pull.
- Alright, go.
- Alright. Let me go first.
I got it.
Let's get the other one.
That was fast thinking, Jon.
Yeah, you just barely
got them out of that car too.
Tell me about it.
Oh, my back's never
gonna be the same.
You guys both did
a heck of a job.
Hey, well, you weren't so bad
yourself, slick. Put it there.
Hey, what..
Gotcha.
Hey, tell the guys
to hang loose.
I'll be in touch by tomorrow.
Yeah.
Well, it took you long enough.
Where you been?
Next time, I take this thing
for a test drive
remind me to take a toolbox.
You still got
an ignition problem?
I guess I'm not the mechanic
I thought I was.
Well, get on it and find
out what the trouble is.
'Yes, sir.'
Oh, wow. A scanner. Terrific.
Yeah, it's kind
of a going-home present.
AC/DC. It's got batteries in it.
You can turn it on.
'8-11-98. S 1.
San Diego Freeway.'
Hey, our calls.
The sheriff's, Fire Department.
I'm gonna have a good time
with this.
You can listen to everybody.
Look, everybody who chipped in
signed the card.
Ponch..
...you've been
just a wonderful patient.
Hmm, bye-bye, Dotty.
I'll never forget you.
Okay. Bye.
Um, not bad.
Oh, wait till you meet,
uh, Betty Jo.
Hey, listen, you got a line
on the firemen
who ripped off the bank?
Right, you mean, thieves,
not firemen.
We think they're the same guys
who ripped off
a jewelry store last night.
Yeah, with the aid of a cherry
picker, Harlan told me.
Bye-bye, darling.
I'll never forget you.
Betty Jo, huh?
Ah, no. That was Lisa.
Can't wait to meet Betty Jo.
You know, Joe, I've been
thinking about those crooks.
Has it occurred
to anybody to check
the Central
Vehicle Maintenance Depot?
Say again?
Where else would the same
people get ahold of a fire truck
and a DWP cherry picker?
'I mean, they all work
on everything down there.'
Fire engines, cop cars.
Even CHP vehicles.
I'm glad to see your brain
wasn't, uh..
Ponch, thanks for everything.
Oh, bye-bye, Debbie.
I'll never forget you.
- No, no, no, no.
Betty Jo is my nurse.
The nurse.
Uh, is there anything else
I can help you with?
Oh, yeah, about a half dozen
threatening phone calls
to assassinate Senator Dictor
while he's in town.
Sorry, my crystal ball's
in hock.
- Hey, Ponch.
- 'Hey, Jon.'
You know,
I used to have a partner
that looked a lot like him.
Oh, yeah, well, that'll probably
come back to you slowly.
Look, the car's
downstairs waiting for you
and the wheelchair's
on its way, huh?
I guess you've been really busy,
uh, you and Bill, huh?
Oh, w-well..
Yeah, up to here.
What's with it, Buster?
Didn't I tell you
to put on your shoes and socks?
Fellas, this is my true love.
Uh, Betty Jo?
Right. She's just the greatest.
Knock it off
and give me your foot.
See?
I hate to leave you,
Betty Jo, you know?
Yeah, marry me or set me free.
Come on, folks. Now, keep it
back, please. Keep it back.
'Come on, folks. Keep it back,
please. Keep it back.'
'Thank you. Come on.'
'Let's go. Keep it back.
We got a sick man in there.'
'Go ahead. If we have to take
him out, we'll need some room.'
So give us an aisle, please.
Please. Thank you.
Just give us a bit of an aisle
in here. Thank you very much.
Folks, please keep it back.
Okay, they're coming
through now. Come on, folks.
Give us a little,
little aisle here, please.
Little aisle, come on.
Little aisle, thank you.
Thank you.
Come on, give us room.
We need a little aisle here.
Thank you.
Little..
Thank you.
Little bit of an aisle.
Thank you very much.
Okay, here we go. Easy.
Alright, thank you.
Swing it around.
Thank you very much.
Just keep it back, folks.
Thank you.
Thank you, folks.
How much do you figure
this stuff is worth?
I don't know,
but with what we've got here
and what we'll get tomorrow
at the senator's hotel--
Hey, there's a cop behind us.
Lie down and cover up.
I can clear the intersections
for you.
Which hospital
are you heading for?
Thanks, officer. You're
too late. We just lost him.
Yeah, I was afraid of that
when I saw you slowing down.
Well, why risk an accident
if you don't have to?
You're a good man.
See you next time.
My pleasure.
How was I to know those bums had
just robbed a jewelry store?
I'm no mind reader.
Hey, fire truck, cherry picker.
Yesterday, an ambulance.
Kind of makes you wonder
about today, doesn't it?
Today every cop in the city has
just one thing on their mind.
Making sure that nothing happens
to the great Senator Dictor.
Yeah? What time does that
great man arrive, huh?
Well, in about 30 minutes,
which reminds me
I'm assigned to a freeway
overpass. I better be going.
Hey, uh, what happened to Jon
last night?
I thought
he was gonna come around.
Oh, he and Bill
went to a football game.
'Uh, USC, I think.'
- No.
Thanks.
I'm glad you're home, Ponch.
Yeah, you got tired
of hospital food, right?
You said you didn't want it.
- 'Hey.'
Enjoy your salad.
'Mary 3 and 10,
call box Santa Monica 243.'
'Disabled vehicle. Contact RO.'
Well, this was
Poncherello's idea.
I should have thought of it
but, uh, well, I didn't.
"Central
Vehicle Maintenance Depot?"
Yeah, well,
what about Senator Dictor?
You've been relieved
of that assignment.
This could turn out
to be more important.
Hey, hey, you wanna help me
pull a number
on that partner of yours?
Ponch? Oh, come on.
Give the guy a break.
Now, look, we-we'll tell him
that you've decided to partner
with me in the country
and then I'll take a picture
of the look on his face.
Look, you really think
he's gonna buy me
wanting to live with your rotten
sense of humor again?
Afraid you're gonna
hurt his feelings?
Well, as a matter of fact,
uh, yeah.
You're here early.
What's the occasion?
This crate's overdue.
I thought I'd try and get
her back in service today.
Those paramedics pick up
that ambulance yet?
Yes, sir.
'What's wrong
with that black and white?'
Clutch, water pump, generator.
- That's next on the agenda.
Alright, try to get back
before noon, okay?
'This was the scene earlier
today as the controversial'
'Senator Dictor arrived at Los
Angeles International Airport'
'where he will motorcade
to the Carlisle Hotel.'
'Right now,
our mini camera is standing by'
'at the hotel
where security is increasing'
'awaiting the arrival
of the senator.'
'In his speech tonight,
we have..'
Hi, this is Poncherello. May I
have Sergeant Getraer, please?
What did I tell you? There
are cops all over the place.
Nobody's even gonna notice us.
It's not getting in I'm worried
about. It's getting out.
We split on my signal, remember
every bit of confusion's
gonna work to our advantage.
Let's go.
Yes, ma'am, if the sergeant's
not in, have them patch me
through to com center.
Right, I'll hold.
I want you folks in the back
of the store. Now, move.
You're afraid of assassination
from one of us?
You heard the man, folks.
Back of the store.
If I didn't know better,
I'd think this was a holdup.
Just hang on to that thought,
pops. You can't go wrong.
Jon Baker, right?
He's a motor officer, 15 Mary 3.
Have him call me at home.
It's urgent.
What's wrong?
A little misfire in your spark?
- No, sir.
- Well, that's good.
Because I got about 30 vehicles
ahead of you
and a long sudden rash
of test drives.
Oh, test drives of what?
Uh, fire trucks,
cherry pickers, ambulances?
Uh, consider those questions
official.
Well, no. This morning,
it happened to be a cop car.
Why all the sudden interest
here?
'15 Mary 3, 10-21 Mary 4
at home. Urgent.'
LA 15 Mary 3. 10-4.
Look, can I use your telephone?
Yeah, right.
Right this way. Come on.
Okay, so it's only a hunch, Jon.
But these guys aren't killers,
they're thieves.
And one of the best
jewelry stores in town
is located in the lobby
of that hotel.
Look, Ponch, uh, as I recollect,
the last time we played
one of your hunches,
it cost us a couple days off.
Yeah, but that was the old
impulsive Ponch.
This is the new Ponch, man,
the thinker.
Hey, uh, you recognize this guy?
- Uh, just a second, Ponch.
- He works here.
In the last three days,
he's tested a cherry picker
an ambulance, and a fire truck.
Today, it's a black and white.
It's the guy I saw
in that phony bank fire.
I'm positive. Hey, Ponch.
'Units in the vicinity
of Carlisle Hotel..'
Shh. Listen, Jon, listen.
Listen up.
'...the jewelry store.'
'Suspect, four male Caucasians
between 20 and 30'
'wearing police uniforms.
Possibly armed with a .38.'
'Believed driving
a black and white patrol car.'
You hear that, man?
You hear that?
Hey, you just keep on thinking,
partner. I'll see you later.
Boss is gonna blow his top.
Gotta get back to work.
Why go in at all?
You're a wealthy man now.
Wanna get wealthier.
We're all gonna get wealthier.
How many gates
you have in the yard?
Three, and they're all open.
Okay, close two,
and leave that one open.
Just barely.
The driver limped in here.
She was hitting on about three.
I'll close the gate for you.
Now, tell me,
just what makes you think
Mr. Bright intends
to return back here?
He came back every other time,
didn't he?
Get away from here. Hurry.
Come on.
Good heavens.
What happened to you?
This isn't funny, Jon.
Not one bit.
Just look at this uniform.
Come on. Here.
Give me your hand.
You..
Where did you pick up
Mr. Bright's accomplices?
Oh, at their homes.
Bright couldn't wait
to give the information.
Hmm.
Uh, you like that better
than a pair of pajamas?
Not nearly so drafty.
That's for sure.
You know something, Jon?
I really missed this place.
The station,
the room, the people.
- I even missed you, partner.
Well, that's funny.
Uh, were you gone?
I really hadn't noticed.
Oh, hey, I hear you and, uh,
Bill took a football game
in the other night.
How was it?
Uh, well, let's just say
that, uh
the company left
something to be desired.
Is that a fact?
Hey, Ponch, the fact is
I think I'm growing out
of the likes of Bill Clayton.
Is that what you wanted to hear?
Who Hey, I don't know
what you're talking about, man.
See you later.
No, Jedidiah, old Jon
better look out the next time
I'm back in town because
a practical joker never forgets.
Oh, still think
he oiled you down, huh?
He'll claim he did
and win everlasting fame.
How do you figure that?
As the only living man
who ever got even
with Bill Clayton.
Before you leave, you might
wanna take care of these.
- 'The bills you owe.'
What bills?
The repairs, number one,
to Baker's mailbox
and the adjoining ones, to the
seat of Grossman's motorcycle
'and number three,
for charges to reimburse'
'the maintenance depot
to clean up an oil spill.'
'Total bill, 101.40.'
This is a joke, isn't it?
I mean, you guys are
now doing it to me, right?
Uh, should have charged him
double.
Joe, you know about this?
Have you seen these?
Yeah, I've, uh..
I've, uh, seen
and, uh, approved.
It's not fair, man.
It's not fair, and you know it.
I mean, what are you people
trying to do to me?
What is this?
Gotcha!
Alright, alright.
Let's get back to work.
Hey, you guys.
- Hey!
- Hey, Ponch.
- Welcome back!
I'm honored with riding
with such
a high-ranking partner.
Well, with men on vacation
and Ponch in the hospital
it gives me an excuse
to get out and about.
Any objection to me
as a partner?
Uh, you know, I think I'm
gonna write a book sometime.
Uh, title it...
"Partners I've Known."
Yeah?
'Attention, structure fire'
'vicinity Peterson and Bryant.'
'Units available for 11-84,
identify.'
- Yeah.
LA 15, S 2 and Mary 3 and 4
away. We'll handle.
- Yeah, fire's in the back.
- On your right, by the vault.
Hey.
Hey, grab a hat.
Hey!
Okay, let's go.
There's a hot one back there.
Go get it.
We're moving around back.
Give me some clearance.
- You got it.
- Thanks. Appreciate it.
Wanna hold that, Getraer?
What did I tell you, huh?
It's a piece of cake.
Fantastic.
Nobody noticed nothing,
not even the cops.
Fire Department, we love you.
Come on, you guys.
Don't make me laugh.
- My ribs are killing me.
- Yeah, yeah.
You know, I suppose you would
have checked the firemen's IDs
just as they stepped out
of the bank.
Or known instinctively
that it was only a smoke bomb
in the stairwell,
uh, right, Sherlock?
Of course.
Yeah, what I don't understand
is, uh
where did they get hold
of the pumper truck?
Too bad you didn't catch
the number on that baby.
Oh, you would have,
uh, naturally.
Well, outside of eyeballing
bank robbers
what are you
and your new partner up to, huh?
Well, actually,
it's been quite pleasant.
- Uh, no heartburn--
- And no high jinks.
Yeah, as a matter of fact, uh..
...I feel like a new guy.
And I've enjoyed it too
thoroughly. Now, come on.
Uh, look, Ponch,
is there anything you need?
Uh, yeah, what I need is out
of here. The sooner, the better.
Come on.
Uh, I'll see you later, alright?
'Have fun.'
Hey, Jon, I hear they're gonna
hold the firemen's ball
at the millionaire's club
this year.
Oh, we have a comedian
in our midst.
I suppose
you would have recognized
what the rubber jackets
were up to.
Let's just say I'm glad
it was you and the sergeant
that took the call, okay?
I suppose, uh, that's your idea
of funny, huh, Grossie?
That's hilarious.
I wish I had thought of it.
That's shades of Bill Clayton.
That's the kind of thing
he used to pull.
Yeah, I forgot how stupid Bill
Clayton used to make me feel.
I assume all of you know
who Senator Dictor is
and, uh, what he's running for.
President.
We read the papers.
Uh-huh. Well, guess
who's coming to town.
- Day after tomorrow.
I bet every protester
in town is home
shining up their picket signs.
Which is why all branches
of enforcement are coordinating
their efforts
for the senator's visit.
There goes our weekend.
Yeah, well,
we're getting augmentation
from Riverside
and San Bernardino. Even so..
Well, when do we start
gearing up?
Uh, first thing in the morning.
I suggest that you don't do
any heavy carousing tonight.
Hey.
'Alright. That's it.'
Forget the ladder.
Get your helmet--
- Forget them. Let's go.
You know, the week
before old Bill left
he put me through about
eight days of sleepless nights.
Yeah, sounds like him.
Yeah, the guy would call me
up at 2:00 in the morning
and say, "Hello, is Sue there?
Hello, Sue? Hey, fella,
put Sue on the phone."
He strung that out
for a whole week?
Oh, yeah, and then
about 4:00 in the morning
I'd get a call that would say
"Hi. This is Sue.
Do I have any messages?"
Well, I recall
old Bill wanted blue skies
and fresh air,
I wonder how he likes them.
Tell you one thing,
probably better than I liked
those 4:00 in the morning
telephone calls.
Yeah, it looks like somebody's
moving out of your apartment.
Oh, no, it's probably
old Caroline Bannik
in the first floor apartment,
she was thinking
about moving to Vancouver.
I don't know.
Maybe it's the Wissets.
They were complaining
about their plumbing and--
Jon.
Hey, wait a minute. Hey, that,
that's my Charlie Russell.
Hey, wait, that's
my Charlie Russell print.
What are you guys doing here?
This is my furniture.
- That's my coffee table.
- We've got papers here.
- Well, let me see the papers.
Just a minute, alright?
Be careful with that.
Sure, double-check the address.
- That's not my signature. Look.
- No, it's not.
Of course not, it's his.
Gotcha, Jon.
- Bill Clayton.
How you doing?
You look terrific.
I couldn't be better.
How are you, Joe?
No way.
Last time I shook hands with you
you nearly buzzed my arm off.
Look, uh,
what are you doing here?
Senator Dictor.
I'm here to greet him.
What do you think?
I'd come here to see you?
And everything
was going so well.
You can stay with me. I got
plenty of room if you want.
Oh, yeah, I know.
I'm already moved in.
Come on.
Let's go talk about it.
Anyway, what did you guys
do without me anyways?
As I said yesterday,
we've been able to get
a little help from Riverside
and San Bernardino
while the senator's
in our jurisdiction.
The big guy over there
is Walter Blitz.
Behind him,
we got Bobby Brownell.
On the other side of the room,
say hello to Ira Firestone.
Bill Clayton whom I assume
has been detained, uh..
...I think most of you know.
Okay. Let's get out among them.
Hiya, sarge.
Hey, Grossie, you old Turk, you.
- 'Hey, Bill!'
- Whoo!
- Good to see you. Really nice.
- Nice to see you, man.
Hey, wait a minute, guys.
I want you to meet someone.
This is Bill Clayton.
Bonnie Clark.
- Nice meeting you, Bonnie.
- Jedidiah Turner.
- Jedidiah.
- Barry Baricza, the big man.
- Hey, big man.
Oh, uh, incidentally,
yeah, late yesterday
some thieves using a water
and power company cherry picker
knocked off a jewelry store
in Encino.
Four men
posing as DWP employees, uh..
- Yeah, our Ersatz firemen.
Yeah, that's what
I was thinking.
And check the bulletin board
before you leave.
I made some assignments
for the senator's visit.
Right.
- Okay, good to see you.
- Good to have you with us.
Anyway, so I had this guy
return the phone call to wolf.
- Now I remember it.
You were always one step
ahead of me, weren't you?
You know, no wonder
Getraer is leery of you.
Well, what can I tell you?
- You have a good day, Grossie.
- You too, buddy.
Okay.
You're a natural born
con man, Bill.
And there are some
natural born marks.
- Ow!
- Gotcha! Woo hoo hoo!
You hot-wired my seat, you fink.
You see He
was always one step ahead of me.
You're a good man, Grossie.
I'd like to curve by the
hospital and check on old Ponch.
Why not?
What's to stop us?
'Units in the vicinity
of Venice and Overland'
'we have a report of a man
jogging southbound Venice'
'wearing a football helmet,
pantyhose, and army boots.'
Good old LA.
Nothing ever changes.
You should've seen Grossman
when he hit the start-up button.
He yelled out, like, "Help!"
And then lift off.
It was the funniest thing
I ever saw.
Yeah, Bill's a funny guy,
alright.
Yeah.
You know, I'm really surprised
that Jon didn't say anything
to you about that mailbox gag.
That was a riot.
Yeah, well, it must've,
uh, slipped his mind.
I don't have a uniform
in this field.
But personally, I'd like
to see Bill stick around.
Uh, he's good from around,
you know.
Yeah, yeah, they, you know,
they used to call him, uh
Laugh-a-milli Clayton.
Yeah, you know, I bet,
I bet he and Jon are out there
right now just having a ball.
'Uh, wrong.'
Hey.
Hey, partner,
good to see you, man.
Hey, I don't know about you,
but, uh
for a sick man,
you look a little chipper.
Yeah, I'm feeling good too,
and by the way
they might let me out of here
tomorrow, the next day.
Really? That's fantastic.
Hey, where's your new partner,
Jon?
Uh, Bill?
Oh, he's getting some breakfast.
He says my cooking's
for, uh, the birds.
- Yeah, till I throw him out.
Oh, excuse me, doctor.
'I didn't know you were here.'
Are you talking to me?
I'm new on this floor.
We haven't met yet.
Well, uh, why don't you
introduce yourself, Dr. Arles?
I'm not a doctor,
I'm a mechanic.
That's what he says.
It's time
for the patient's bath.
- Good day, gentlemen.
- He's all yours.
What happened
to my regular nurse?
- Yeah.
- She was transferred.
That's too bad.
We were simpatico.
Let go of the sheet...
and turn over.
When do you have to turn this
thing back to the company?
When I tell my boss
it's fit for service.
Don't worry about it.
When we need it, it'll be ready.
- No sweat.
They make movies in this town,
remember?
What's the big idea?
He told us to test this thing.
Let's test it.
There's two cops behind us.
You better slow down.
It's no use. Give it up.
And lose my license?
No way, baby.
Look out!
LA 15 Mary 3. 11-80.
Roll, uh, paramedics
and a wrecker to Bluebird Canyon
at Dead Man's Curve
on the double.
They're unconscious,
but they're alive.
Wedged in here like sardines.
Yeah, and we're-we're all
going over, 600 feet down.
Grab it!
Easy, baby. Easy.
Wait a minute. Hold it!
Well, I am open
to any suggestions.
I wish I had one.
Easy.
Glad you could make it.
- You make it six.
Push!
Look, I think I have an idea
if you guys can hold it.
Go, man.
My back's about had it.
- Yeah.
- 'Yeah, go ahead. Do it.'
Just hang in there.
We'll get it.
We're looking good.
Just hang in there.
Easy for you to say.
Okay, Bar, don't get caught in
between these, okay? Be careful.
Alright.
Come on, Jon.
Hurry, please.
Get them out of there.
Alright, now you grab the leg.
You just pull.
- Alright, go.
- Alright. Let me go first.
I got it.
Let's get the other one.
That was fast thinking, Jon.
Yeah, you just barely
got them out of that car too.
Tell me about it.
Oh, my back's never
gonna be the same.
You guys both did
a heck of a job.
Hey, well, you weren't so bad
yourself, slick. Put it there.
Hey, what..
Gotcha.
Hey, tell the guys
to hang loose.
I'll be in touch by tomorrow.
Yeah.
Well, it took you long enough.
Where you been?
Next time, I take this thing
for a test drive
remind me to take a toolbox.
You still got
an ignition problem?
I guess I'm not the mechanic
I thought I was.
Well, get on it and find
out what the trouble is.
'Yes, sir.'
Oh, wow. A scanner. Terrific.
Yeah, it's kind
of a going-home present.
AC/DC. It's got batteries in it.
You can turn it on.
'8-11-98. S 1.
San Diego Freeway.'
Hey, our calls.
The sheriff's, Fire Department.
I'm gonna have a good time
with this.
You can listen to everybody.
Look, everybody who chipped in
signed the card.
Ponch..
...you've been
just a wonderful patient.
Hmm, bye-bye, Dotty.
I'll never forget you.
Okay. Bye.
Um, not bad.
Oh, wait till you meet,
uh, Betty Jo.
Hey, listen, you got a line
on the firemen
who ripped off the bank?
Right, you mean, thieves,
not firemen.
We think they're the same guys
who ripped off
a jewelry store last night.
Yeah, with the aid of a cherry
picker, Harlan told me.
Bye-bye, darling.
I'll never forget you.
Betty Jo, huh?
Ah, no. That was Lisa.
Can't wait to meet Betty Jo.
You know, Joe, I've been
thinking about those crooks.
Has it occurred
to anybody to check
the Central
Vehicle Maintenance Depot?
Say again?
Where else would the same
people get ahold of a fire truck
and a DWP cherry picker?
'I mean, they all work
on everything down there.'
Fire engines, cop cars.
Even CHP vehicles.
I'm glad to see your brain
wasn't, uh..
Ponch, thanks for everything.
Oh, bye-bye, Debbie.
I'll never forget you.
- No, no, no, no.
Betty Jo is my nurse.
The nurse.
Uh, is there anything else
I can help you with?
Oh, yeah, about a half dozen
threatening phone calls
to assassinate Senator Dictor
while he's in town.
Sorry, my crystal ball's
in hock.
- Hey, Ponch.
- 'Hey, Jon.'
You know,
I used to have a partner
that looked a lot like him.
Oh, yeah, well, that'll probably
come back to you slowly.
Look, the car's
downstairs waiting for you
and the wheelchair's
on its way, huh?
I guess you've been really busy,
uh, you and Bill, huh?
Oh, w-well..
Yeah, up to here.
What's with it, Buster?
Didn't I tell you
to put on your shoes and socks?
Fellas, this is my true love.
Uh, Betty Jo?
Right. She's just the greatest.
Knock it off
and give me your foot.
See?
I hate to leave you,
Betty Jo, you know?
Yeah, marry me or set me free.
Come on, folks. Now, keep it
back, please. Keep it back.
'Come on, folks. Keep it back,
please. Keep it back.'
'Thank you. Come on.'
'Let's go. Keep it back.
We got a sick man in there.'
'Go ahead. If we have to take
him out, we'll need some room.'
So give us an aisle, please.
Please. Thank you.
Just give us a bit of an aisle
in here. Thank you very much.
Folks, please keep it back.
Okay, they're coming
through now. Come on, folks.
Give us a little,
little aisle here, please.
Little aisle, come on.
Little aisle, thank you.
Thank you.
Come on, give us room.
We need a little aisle here.
Thank you.
Little..
Thank you.
Little bit of an aisle.
Thank you very much.
Okay, here we go. Easy.
Alright, thank you.
Swing it around.
Thank you very much.
Just keep it back, folks.
Thank you.
Thank you, folks.
How much do you figure
this stuff is worth?
I don't know,
but with what we've got here
and what we'll get tomorrow
at the senator's hotel--
Hey, there's a cop behind us.
Lie down and cover up.
I can clear the intersections
for you.
Which hospital
are you heading for?
Thanks, officer. You're
too late. We just lost him.
Yeah, I was afraid of that
when I saw you slowing down.
Well, why risk an accident
if you don't have to?
You're a good man.
See you next time.
My pleasure.
How was I to know those bums had
just robbed a jewelry store?
I'm no mind reader.
Hey, fire truck, cherry picker.
Yesterday, an ambulance.
Kind of makes you wonder
about today, doesn't it?
Today every cop in the city has
just one thing on their mind.
Making sure that nothing happens
to the great Senator Dictor.
Yeah? What time does that
great man arrive, huh?
Well, in about 30 minutes,
which reminds me
I'm assigned to a freeway
overpass. I better be going.
Hey, uh, what happened to Jon
last night?
I thought
he was gonna come around.
Oh, he and Bill
went to a football game.
'Uh, USC, I think.'
- No.
Thanks.
I'm glad you're home, Ponch.
Yeah, you got tired
of hospital food, right?
You said you didn't want it.
- 'Hey.'
Enjoy your salad.
'Mary 3 and 10,
call box Santa Monica 243.'
'Disabled vehicle. Contact RO.'
Well, this was
Poncherello's idea.
I should have thought of it
but, uh, well, I didn't.
"Central
Vehicle Maintenance Depot?"
Yeah, well,
what about Senator Dictor?
You've been relieved
of that assignment.
This could turn out
to be more important.
Hey, hey, you wanna help me
pull a number
on that partner of yours?
Ponch? Oh, come on.
Give the guy a break.
Now, look, we-we'll tell him
that you've decided to partner
with me in the country
and then I'll take a picture
of the look on his face.
Look, you really think
he's gonna buy me
wanting to live with your rotten
sense of humor again?
Afraid you're gonna
hurt his feelings?
Well, as a matter of fact,
uh, yeah.
You're here early.
What's the occasion?
This crate's overdue.
I thought I'd try and get
her back in service today.
Those paramedics pick up
that ambulance yet?
Yes, sir.
'What's wrong
with that black and white?'
Clutch, water pump, generator.
- That's next on the agenda.
Alright, try to get back
before noon, okay?
'This was the scene earlier
today as the controversial'
'Senator Dictor arrived at Los
Angeles International Airport'
'where he will motorcade
to the Carlisle Hotel.'
'Right now,
our mini camera is standing by'
'at the hotel
where security is increasing'
'awaiting the arrival
of the senator.'
'In his speech tonight,
we have..'
Hi, this is Poncherello. May I
have Sergeant Getraer, please?
What did I tell you? There
are cops all over the place.
Nobody's even gonna notice us.
It's not getting in I'm worried
about. It's getting out.
We split on my signal, remember
every bit of confusion's
gonna work to our advantage.
Let's go.
Yes, ma'am, if the sergeant's
not in, have them patch me
through to com center.
Right, I'll hold.
I want you folks in the back
of the store. Now, move.
You're afraid of assassination
from one of us?
You heard the man, folks.
Back of the store.
If I didn't know better,
I'd think this was a holdup.
Just hang on to that thought,
pops. You can't go wrong.
Jon Baker, right?
He's a motor officer, 15 Mary 3.
Have him call me at home.
It's urgent.
What's wrong?
A little misfire in your spark?
- No, sir.
- Well, that's good.
Because I got about 30 vehicles
ahead of you
and a long sudden rash
of test drives.
Oh, test drives of what?
Uh, fire trucks,
cherry pickers, ambulances?
Uh, consider those questions
official.
Well, no. This morning,
it happened to be a cop car.
Why all the sudden interest
here?
'15 Mary 3, 10-21 Mary 4
at home. Urgent.'
LA 15 Mary 3. 10-4.
Look, can I use your telephone?
Yeah, right.
Right this way. Come on.
Okay, so it's only a hunch, Jon.
But these guys aren't killers,
they're thieves.
And one of the best
jewelry stores in town
is located in the lobby
of that hotel.
Look, Ponch, uh, as I recollect,
the last time we played
one of your hunches,
it cost us a couple days off.
Yeah, but that was the old
impulsive Ponch.
This is the new Ponch, man,
the thinker.
Hey, uh, you recognize this guy?
- Uh, just a second, Ponch.
- He works here.
In the last three days,
he's tested a cherry picker
an ambulance, and a fire truck.
Today, it's a black and white.
It's the guy I saw
in that phony bank fire.
I'm positive. Hey, Ponch.
'Units in the vicinity
of Carlisle Hotel..'
Shh. Listen, Jon, listen.
Listen up.
'...the jewelry store.'
'Suspect, four male Caucasians
between 20 and 30'
'wearing police uniforms.
Possibly armed with a .38.'
'Believed driving
a black and white patrol car.'
You hear that, man?
You hear that?
Hey, you just keep on thinking,
partner. I'll see you later.
Boss is gonna blow his top.
Gotta get back to work.
Why go in at all?
You're a wealthy man now.
Wanna get wealthier.
We're all gonna get wealthier.
How many gates
you have in the yard?
Three, and they're all open.
Okay, close two,
and leave that one open.
Just barely.
The driver limped in here.
She was hitting on about three.
I'll close the gate for you.
Now, tell me,
just what makes you think
Mr. Bright intends
to return back here?
He came back every other time,
didn't he?
Get away from here. Hurry.
Come on.
Good heavens.
What happened to you?
This isn't funny, Jon.
Not one bit.
Just look at this uniform.
Come on. Here.
Give me your hand.
You..
Where did you pick up
Mr. Bright's accomplices?
Oh, at their homes.
Bright couldn't wait
to give the information.
Hmm.
Uh, you like that better
than a pair of pajamas?
Not nearly so drafty.
That's for sure.
You know something, Jon?
I really missed this place.
The station,
the room, the people.
- I even missed you, partner.
Well, that's funny.
Uh, were you gone?
I really hadn't noticed.
Oh, hey, I hear you and, uh,
Bill took a football game
in the other night.
How was it?
Uh, well, let's just say
that, uh
the company left
something to be desired.
Is that a fact?
Hey, Ponch, the fact is
I think I'm growing out
of the likes of Bill Clayton.
Is that what you wanted to hear?
Who Hey, I don't know
what you're talking about, man.
See you later.
No, Jedidiah, old Jon
better look out the next time
I'm back in town because
a practical joker never forgets.
Oh, still think
he oiled you down, huh?
He'll claim he did
and win everlasting fame.
How do you figure that?
As the only living man
who ever got even
with Bill Clayton.
Before you leave, you might
wanna take care of these.
- 'The bills you owe.'
What bills?
The repairs, number one,
to Baker's mailbox
and the adjoining ones, to the
seat of Grossman's motorcycle
'and number three,
for charges to reimburse'
'the maintenance depot
to clean up an oil spill.'
'Total bill, 101.40.'
This is a joke, isn't it?
I mean, you guys are
now doing it to me, right?
Uh, should have charged him
double.
Joe, you know about this?
Have you seen these?
Yeah, I've, uh..
I've, uh, seen
and, uh, approved.
It's not fair, man.
It's not fair, and you know it.
I mean, what are you people
trying to do to me?
What is this?
Gotcha!
Alright, alright.
Let's get back to work.
Hey, you guys.
- Hey!
- Hey, Ponch.
- Welcome back!