CHiPs (1977–1983): Season 3, Episode 16 - Jailbirds - full transcript

Man's dream, huh, Ponch?

To soar like a bird
on the wing.

And that's from a guy

who spends all his free time
with his horses.

Well, I have
no choice, Ponch.

I can't find a bird
big enough to saddle.

Wish we had a clubhouse that
dirt didn't always fall into.

Yeah.

Well, it's like
the old pioneer days, Bobby.

They lived in sod houses.

- You know, dirt.



Oh.

Come on, we better hurry
or we'll miss the school bus.

See your driver's license
and registration, please?

Look, I'm already
late to work.

First it's the wife,
and now it's you guys.

What did I do?

Officer, I asked you
what I did.

Do you mind answering
the question?

You were across
the double line

coming over that bridge

wrong side of the road.

Alright.

Alright, I was upset.
Those kids shook me up.

What kids?



The two kids
on the embankment.

Well, hey, you know, there were
two kids on that bank

but you...you fellas
didn't see 'em, huh?

Hey, listen,
kids or no kids

we observed erratic operation
of your vehicle, alright?

'Now, you being a fireman,
a public servant in uniform'

don't you think you could set
a little better example?

Could I just have the ticket
and forget the lecture?

Read this and sign.

That's the bottom line?

Thanks a lot.

Here. Thank you very much
and have a nice day.

You know, if you want to go
hang gliding this weekend

I'll reserve a couple
of gliders Saturday.

Sounds great,
but what about your horse?

The horse gets airsick.

- Ha ha ha!
- Morning.

- Sarge.
- Hi, sarge.

Hey, Jon, look at this.

"EMT."

"Three hours a day
for two work weeks.

Volunteers will be accepted
for the current class."

At UCLA, a beautiful campus,
beautiful girls

beautiful air-conditioned rooms.

No angry motorists..

...no smoggy freeway.

It's a vacation with pay
and fringe benefits. Ha!

To make sure it's clear

in all of your
bright little minds

reports are not complete until
every line has been dealt with

either with
the information requested

or a line drawn through it
indicating that it has been read

but does not apply.

I-I know, I know.

You all knew that, right?

Okay. Anything
from the floor?

'Poncherello.'

Uh, sarge, if it's true

there's an emergency medical
training course coming up.

Jon and I would like
to volunteer.

Hey, I've heard about that.
I'd like a shot at it, too.

So would I!

Alright, alright, alright.
Hold it. Hold it.

Frank, you don't usually
volunteer for anything.

We think the course is
a good opportunity, sarge.

In most cases, we arrive at
the scene before the paramedics.

'Sometimes we can help,
but more often'

'all we can do is keep the crowd
back and stand there'

'helpless to assist
the victims.'

We'd like to learn how to do
more. We could save lives.

Frank...huh.
You surprise me.

No. You-you impress me.
Alright, you got it.

- Hey!
- Hey, what do you mean..

Wait a minute! Alright, alright,
hold it! Hold it!

'Hold it, hold it.'

Like the notice said

only two CHP volunteers
will be accepted.

And Baker and Poncherello
had their bids in first.

- Uh, excuse me.
- 'Grossman.'

I took the EMT Course at
Santa Monica Hospital last June.

Or was it July?

June.

That's right.
It was June.

And I wouldn't have volunteered
for it in any event--

Grossman, make your point.

I didn't see any notice.

- Neither did I.
- Hey, that's right.

I didn't see one, either.

'What's'

Well, maybe
the rest of you

should take a page out of
Baker and Poncherello's book.

Now, obviously
they had the interest

to check the notices
on the bulletin board.

Jon, Frank, report to UCLA
at 3 o'clock this afternoon.

Congratulations, Ponch.

You pulled off
another one.

Whatever does he mean?

If you had to eat every piece
of cake you grabbed off

you'd weigh 300 pounds.

- I don't know.

But I'm sure glad he's on our
side of the law.

Ha ha ha!

Sarge, about
tomorrow morning..

Why would you want to come
to work over three hours late?

UCLA. 3:00 to 6:00.

We'll be putting in
three hours there.

Yeah, but you're
on the A shift.

6:00 A.M.

But, sarge,
that's a 12-hour day.

That's okay, Jon.
Think of the overtime.

- No, Frank.

No overtime.

I thought you guys
read the notice?

You volunteered for EMT
on your own time.

Did I?

Mm-hmm.

Look at this.

"Non-compensated basis."

Well, always read
the small print, Jon.

Yeah. I'll try
to remember that.

See, Jon? Money isn't
the only compensation going.

You make a point, but too bad
we're ten minutes late.

Hey, no way we're gonna
get off duty at 2:30

and make it here by 3 o'clock
unless we come in uniform.

Keep some clothes in the locker,
change there, huh?

'...covering the good
Samaritan laws of California'

'and other states is..'

Are you gentlemen sure
you have the right room?

This class started
at 3 o'clock.

- Uh, sorry about that.
- Sorry.

You are..

- Uh, Baker.
- Poncherello.

Oh, yes, it's the triple A
with a gun.

Well, fear not,
ladies and gentlemen

the highway patrol
has landed.

Late.

Alright,
I'm a paramedic.

I teach this class, and my name,
as you know, is Michael Adams.

'Now, it's my purpose
to qualify you'

'as emergency medical
technicians'

valuable and essential
lay members

of a life-saving profession.

'In this course,
we'll cover everything'

from pulmonary
and cardiac arrest

to burns, shock, exposure--

Connie!

Get his arm!
Help him!

Wait a minute.
Let me give you a hand there.

Stop.
This is wrong.

The man has an obstruction
in his throat

and he's unable to breathe.

'Alright, the first thing
we have to try'

is to remove that obstruction
from his throat.

The head has to be lower
than the body.

'And we try first to remove that
object from the airway.'

'Now, if that
doesn't work'

with the heel of our hand

between the shoulder blades
we firmly hit.

Alright, now, if that
hadn't have worked

'we would have gone to
mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.'

Is there, uh,
is there some reason

you fellows are
losing interest?

What would you have done?

We learned the
Heimlich method.

You did?
Would you please be seated?

Thank you.

This is my assistant
Roy Hanson.

As you probably all know,
this was a demonstration.

Thanks, buddy.

Alright, we have to give some
credit to the stewardesses.

'At least they tried
to do something.'

Uh, since our CHiPs. people
already know the Heimlich method

we won't bore them
with it.

We'll take that up
the next time they're late.

Nice campus, huh?

No highways,
no smoke..

Hey, and fringe benefits.

Huh. I think we let him off
too easy on that citation.

The supplies and equipment
for care of the airways

artificial ventilation,
suction, oxygenation

they're placed at the front
of the litter.

Those for cardiac resuci..

'Poncherello..'

'...Baker..'

...control of
external hemorrhage

the administration
of intravenous agents

and the monitoring
of blood pressure

where would I place
that equipment?

Beside the litter.

That's a good guess.

Beside the litter.

'So a tourniquet is only used
in very severe cases.'

Such as an amputation.

Most bleeding is venous
and not arterial

and can be easily controlled
by direct pressure.

Well, that's about it, uh, until
3 o'clock tomorrow afternoon.

Don't forget to read
the first ten chapters tonight.

All of you.

That's the longest
three hours I've spent

since time was invented.

Well, it's YMCA Boys' Night
tonight.

They hate long lectures.
They got to be in bed early.

I'll be home by 10:00, huh.

Mike, you know
you probably won't.

Someone will talk.
You'll stay.

Will you say goodnight
to Warren for me..

Honey, take the time.
He's in his room.

Margo, I don't need
the pressure.

There it is, huh?
Take a look.

Honey, it's the YMCA,
the church

the high school,
the service club.

Every night,
there's something.

If I look concerned
for you, I am.

Well, you know,
this is my work.

You know how I feel about it.
You've always known.

Yes, but I don't know
how you feel

about yourself anymore
or your home.

You can't go day
and night forever, Mike.

Yeah, I can.

Long as I'm needed.

Where

Fine. Go.

But your wife and son
are here.

Mike, we love you.

This is really
something.

Not many of these
around.

When you said "One glider,"
I thought you were crazy.

Well, maybe I am.
One's cheaper than two.

Can we get down there?

We can try.

We can land
on that ledge.

You are crazy,
but we can try.

Left arm
is shattered.

He's got a bleeding artery,
Ponch. It's under the armpit.

We're gonna have
to apply some pressure.

'It's almost impossible.'

'It's gonna take
the rescue team an hour'

'to get here
and get him out.'

I don't think
he can make it.

Hang in there, pal. Just
hang in there. We got you.

Cut your strap,
Ponch.

Put this under here
for pressure.

We need a rope!
A long rope!

We can belay him up or down
but down's a whole lot faster.

Either way, we'll bust
his artery wide open.

Either way, he's gonna
either bleed to death

or die of shock.

'Hey, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.'

Let's fly him down.

Yeah, maybe.

You said I'm crazy.

They were yelling
for a rope.

Hey, down there!
This is the highway patrol!

I've got a nylon rope!

Bonnie Clark?

'Who is that'

Jon and me.
We need the rope. Tie it off!

- Yeah.

I'm gonna take
the pressure off.

Alright.

- Better hurry up.
- Alright.

Okay, Ponch,
give me your chute.

Ah!

Is it tight?

- Okay.
- 'Okay.'

Jon, Ponch,
here's the line!

- Okay, I got him.
- Alright. Swivel him around.

I can help you take off, meet
you down there, help you land.

LA-15, 7 Charles.

Notify beach patrol
and roll a rescue vehicle

to Ladder Point beach.

We have an 11-80.

'10-4, 7 Charles.'

Whenever you're ready.

Alright, go!

You'll be alright,
okay, pal?

How about you?

Piece of cake.

Poncherello, Baker,
and I'm Clark.

Got it.

I'm gonna make a fortune
with these pictures.

Hey, you guys
were terrific!

Hey, thanks a lot.

Anytime!

'I want this exercise treated'

as if it were
absolutely real.

So you keep your minds
on what's important.

'Assess your patients' needs..'

work quickly,
and get 'em ready for transport.

Alright,
let's get at it.

'Poncherello'

You guys
are really heroes.

We just happened
to be there.

Well, you'll get another
chance to be heroes..

only this time, there won't be
any photographers around.

Alright, get the man on the man
on the board and up the hill!

Up the hill?

Hey, fella,
can you help us out?

Not me.
I'm unconscious.

This is really fun.

I'm glad we're here,
Jimmy.

Yeah. Me, too.

It's better than being
yelled at all the time.

That baby-sitter,
that's all she ever does

when mom's at work,
yell at us.

'That's what
baby-sitters do.'

They're a real pain
sometimes.

Those truckers!
Now we got to clean up again.

Working day and night
so we can take a class

we'll probably get
flunked out of anyway.

I'm sorry I got you
into this, partner.

Yeah, I had visions
of sugarplums

just like you did, Ponch.

I'm still sore from pulling that
guy up the hill three times.

We got to get Adams
off our back.

I mean, no way I'm spending
all that time studying

at class, at work, at home

and then not even
get certified.

Jon, you can only solve
half the problem

by talking it over
with yourself.

Still not sure
this is a good idea.

Huh. You talking
to yourself?

Oh. You must be
Poncherello and Baker.

Right.

Please come on in.

Please sit down.

Mike isn't home yet, but he
should be here any minute.

Thank you.

'Officer Poncherello'

Officer Baker, I would like you
to meet my son, Warren.

Warren is just learning
to use his brand-new legs.

Warren. Here you are, Warren.

'Oh.'

They teach you how
at the hospital.

At first,
I fell down a lot.

'And when I grow bigger'

I get bigger..

...prothestic devices.

Prosthetic. Prosthetic.

Well, artificial legs.

'Anyhow, my mom helps
me out a lot'

and the doctors say
I'm doing just fine.

Dr. Stegman
really does say

he's never seen anyone
adjust so quickly.

What is this?
What are you guys doing here?

Mike, they looked for you
at the office

and called you there.

I told them
you'd be glad to see them.

Well, you were wrong.

Warren,
go to your room, son.

Now.

Listen, we just thought
maybe we could help you

straighten out the problem
you seem to be having--

Well, then keep your nose
where it belongs

and your mind
on what's important.

Wait a minute.
What does that mean?

It means that my kid would've
not have lost his legs..

if anybody...anybody
at that accident

had have known what you guys are
supposed to be learning in EMT.

Mike, I don't--

'You know, if you clowns'

paid as much attention
to your classwork

as you do to harassing citizens
and chasing down headlines

you might, you just might
learn something..

...that could prevent a kid
from being handicapped for life.

Ponch, we better be going.

You realize Adams ignored us
in class yesterday?

First time he hasn't
singled us out.

Yeah. The calm
before the storm.

You know what he's been doing
for the past three years?

Yeah.

Blaming himself and everybody

else for his son's accident.

It's pretty heavy,
you know?

I just parked my car, got out
and that idiot smashed into it.

He has to be loaded.

- No. Maybe he is.

Alright, folks, make some room.
Please step back.

Come on, step back.

Okay, buddy. Hey, come on.

Come on.

He's out like a light.

I don't smell any booze.

'Uh-oh. A medical tag.'

'Coronary.'

'Let's get him
on the ground.'

- I'll blow, you push.
- Alright.

Not bad.

Whee!

Alright,
you've checked out the victim

severe head and neck injuries
and a fractured tibia.

What do you do first?

Immobilize the neck
with a cervical collar.

Alright.

Next?

Secure the head and neck
to a short spinal board.

Right.

'Next.'

Uh, secure the victim's

upper body to the board

and remove him
from the vehicle.

That's wrong.

Poncherello..

'We've secured the victim's
head and neck'

'to the short spinal board.'

Why can't we remove him
from the vehicle?

He also has a broken tibia.

His broken leg
should be immobilized

by fixing it to
the opposite leg with bandages.

I got it wired.

Alright,
now we can safely remove

the victim from the vehicle.

Is that correct, Baker?
Baker?

Well, is there any danger
of fire or explosion?

No.

Well, you don't move
a neck injury

without a long spinal board.

You might cause damage
to the spinal cord

therefore causing
paralysis.

That's right.

I got it wired, too.

Whoa. That was close,
huh, Jimmy?

Yeah. Oh, look.
More dirt.

Do we clean it up?

No. We better go home before
that baby-sitter finks on us.

Jimmy! Jimmy! Get up!

Jimmy! Jimmy, get up!
Come on!

LA-15, Mary 4 and 3.
10-97..

Step back, please. Get back from
the car, would you, please!

Step back there.
Thank you.

Paramedics be here
in a second.

What do you got?

He's pretty well
banged up.

Gonna have a hard time
getting him out.

This door's welded close.

- 'Help!'
- Jon, listen. He's not alone.

'Help! Help!'

There's a kid.

'Help!'

'Help! Help!'

It's right here, Jon!
Right here! Listen!

'Help! Help!'

Help! Help!

Have you done
anything for him?

I left him alone. I don't know
what his injuries are yet.

- 'Help!'
- Listen, we got a problem.

We got a kid buried
in a dugout.

I need a shovel.

Well, do you know
where to find it!

Help! Help!

Come on, Jimmy.

Help! Help!

Depressed frontal
skull fracture

'sternum is depressed'

lacerations
and cervical damage.

- Get it.

Are you gonna
get us out?

We're coming!
Are you alright?

My brother's hurt!

Who's all in there?

'Me and Jimmy!
Hurry, please!'

Alright!
What's your name?

Bobby Shelton!

Okay, Bobby,
listen to me..

...we'll be with you
in a second...alright?

'Okay.'

Okay. I'll go in.

Hi, Bobby. I'm Ponch.

Can you help
my brother?

Sure. No problem.

Let me check him out.

Tell you what, Bobby

he needs a bandage
for his head

and we need you outside
so you can help pull him out.

So what you do is

you slide out
on your belly, okay?

- I'll be right with you.

Sure.

Better take a look
at the guy's hips.

I think he has
a broken pelvis.

We're gonna need
a long board.

- Right. Good idea.
- Okay.

Come on, son.

Thanks.
The other one's unconscious.

'Head injuries,
maybe some ribs. If I can--'

I'll get him.

'Bobby, this is Joe.'

How you doing, Bobby?

He's got a boy
just about your age.

And what's more,
he's the sergeant.

We're gonna bring
his brother Jimmy out.

Well, okay, Bobby,
you want to tell me about it?

- Poncherello!
- 'Yo!'

These broken ribs
are no problem!

Bring me a dressing
for his head!

You got it!

Okay, son, alright?

Uh. Uh..

Ah!

- Yeah.

Hey. Can..

Can you get out
from under me?

Come on, try.

No. No, sir.

Adams!

Yo!

Hey, you okay?

Well, I think the boy is.

Aren't you, son?

Yeah. I don't hurt much,
but-but I can't move.

Alright, alright.
Just try to relax.

He's gonna be fine!

Gonna be alright.

Hey, how about you?

Well, actually, I..

I think maybe
I got a little problem.

What's the story?

Adams is going into shock.

If there's a collapse in there
before the wrecker gets here

you could get trapped
in there yourself.

What, and ruin
a uniform? Never.

Mister

You-you know what..

You got two good legs,
you can do..

'Adams!'

'Okay, Adams!'

'You got oxygen and a blanket!
Pull them in!'

'Adams!'

Hey, man, you're going into
shock! People die of shock!

Remember that lecture
you gave?

Don't matter.
The legs are gone.

What's the matter, Adams?

You afraid you'll
lose your legs..

...and wind up being a freak
like your son, huh?

That's what you think
of your kid, right?

Some kind of
a crippled freak!

I love my son.

'Baloney!'

All that extra work,
EMT classes

lectures every night, huh?

It's my duty.

I got to train those people,
to know what to do

so no more kids
lose their legs.

'That's a cop-out, man.'

'You're running away
from something'

'you don't like to look at.'

You got a son that needs you

a wife that needs your support!

I ain't running away
from nothing!

No, you're just lying there,
you're giving up.

Poncherello..

...if I ever get
my hands on you..

Well, you won't
unless you grab

that blanket and oxygen
and you use it!

Argh!

It's gonna be okay.

You got no right
to talk to me like that.

Hey, man,
you were passing out.

It made you fight,
didn't it?

I know what you're doing.

It's not a bad technique.

You sure got the mouth
for it.

I thought you guys
were mad at each other.

No, Jimmy.
We're old buddies.

Alright, Liotta

code 4 on everything
but the 11-85.

'You want a code 20?'

- Negative.
- '10-4.'

Bobby, it's not
that caves are bad

but it's just
that most caves

are made out of big,
strong rocks, right?

Now, the caves that you dig,
you can't dig them in rock.

- Yeah.

Now, any cave you dig
in the dirt

no matter how much
fun it is

eventually,
it's gonna collapse

just like that one did.

So don't dig
any more caves, alright?

Okay.

Jon, Ponch, come on in.

Thank you.
You sure it's safe?

Well, I know he can't
chase you out.

Warren, Mike,
Jon and Ponch are here

with my permission.

Well, well, well,
look who's here.

'Yeah. But look
who's pushing the chair.'

What are you clowns
doing here?

Well, uh, we wondered why
you didn't show up in court

for that speeding ticket
we wrote you.

Because I was guilty,
that's why.

Look, if I admit
that a couple of CHiPs

knocked some sense
into my head

would you guys admit that
I saw those two kids?

Yeah, man, did you ever.

How are they?

Oh, they're fine,
Jimmy and Bobby

but they promised
they'd never dig a cave again.

Uh, look,
I'm not really that good

at saying thank you or..

You guys are alright.

Did you finish
that course?

Of course we did.

- Certified EMTs.
- That's right.

Hey, my dad's gonna have good
legs in six or eight weeks.

I mean, his own,
not prothestic ones.

Prothetics.

Prosthetic. Prosthetic.

- That's what I said.
- Yeah, mom.