CHiPs (1977–1983): Season 2, Episode 17 - The Matchmakers - full transcript

Jon and Ponch are matchmakers for two lonely people: an officer forced to retire and a widow pressured by the city to move.

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All right, Cora,
it's now or never.

Now! Do it!

I'll be with you in a minute.

L.A. 15, 7 Mary 3, roll a tow
unit for Sepulveda Basin Road.

DISPATCHER: 10-4, 7 Mary 3.

- Are you hurt?
- No.

You gonna need a paramedic?

No, Jon.

This isn't my week
to do anything right.

Will you run that by me again?



Guess I'm gonna have
to find a deeper lake.

Uh... Come on, let's
get you out of here.

I'm sorry I got your boots wet.

That's okay. Come on. Come on.

I think what we have here
is an attempted suicide.

A deputy sheriff
came this morning.

Told me I have two days to get out
before they come in with bulldozers.

Two days.

I'm gonna lose my trees.

My garden. My animals.

So I say, "Cora,
what's the use?"

What do you think, she
really try to deep-six herself?

- Ahem. Ponch, you're wet, buddy.
- Sorry.

I don't know, don't think
so, we gotta do something.



We either gotta give her a
$150 reckless driving ticket...

or remand her to the
county mental ward.

So it's either one
or the other, huh?

Uh... I don't know. I guess
we don't have any choice.

We have to give her a
reckless driving ticket...

or remand her to the
county mental ward.

I'll take the ticket.

You know, we're gonna have some
time off. Let's tag along with Sindy...

maybe there's
something we can do.

We can have brunch.

I mean, that'd be
okay, wouldn't it? Sure.

We can have ranch
eggs, omelets, uh...

and blueberry muffins
and OJ right off the tree.

Sounds good to me.

Okay?

This is it. Isn't it great?

Hi.

I found it in 1964.

Ever since then it's
been home and heaven.

It's beautiful, Cora.

I never knew a place
like this still existed.

Yeah, I'm surprised
it lasted this long.

The whole valley
used to be like this.

Now it's all cut up for
houses and swimming pools.

I guess I always knew the
landlord would sell this place...

but I always kept on hoping.

The more I hoped, the more I began to believe
that I'd be able to stay here forever.

Like magic, you know?

All the wishing's not
gonna change the fact...

that you only got two
days' grace to move.

I know. I know.
I'm a procrastinator.

Come on, see some
more of my animals.

Hey, hold it. Hold it, look
at the face on that one.

Doesn't that remind you
of Getraer? Ha-ha-ha.

That's Sweetmeat.

Yeah, that's sweet-faced
Getraer, that's who that is.

And this is Cassie.

Sweetest milk in the world, except
when she's in the onion patch.

- Why don't you give her some carrots?
- All right. Hi, Cassie.

Mm. CORA: Whoo.

Here.

Here. Ha-ha-ha.

And this is Bucky,
king of the barnyard.

He's been with me the longest.

I think he knows
something's wrong.

Uh, hey, listen, I got a feeling
something's gonna work out.

But we gotta be getting
back on our beat now.

But we haven't had brunch
yet. Wait, I'll gather some eggs...

Uh, Cora, I'm sorry, we
just don't have time, all right?

Well, I could stay and help make a
list of everything that needs to get done.

Could you?

Listen, guys, um...

I was desperate, and I
didn't know what to do.

I'm so glad you found me.

You're good people.

Okay, next time you need
anybody, you know who to call.

We have a new officer
on our shift, Derk Hutchins.

As you know, I don't usually
make a big deal about these things...

but this is a special case.

Derk has been riding
motors for over 30 years.

Well, thanks a lot.

Thirty years, I might
add, without a scratch.

Now, Derk got his highway savvy
from the original members of the patrol.

Guys who were around before
radios or helmets or freeways.

Derk, it's an honor and a privilege to
have you complete your duty on our shift.

Get acquainted, troops.
You might learn something.

Okay, that's it.

Watch me weep. I'm
just counting the days.

Hard to believe you're
leaving, but congratulations.

Thanks, but there's more
to life than just motoring.

Besides, I gotta make
room for them new heroes.

Hey. Is it true you've ridden every motor
model that the CHP has put on the road?

And I still ride them. Why
don't you come out sometime...

and see my collection, okay?

Well, that's a deal, but I promise
you, I'm gonna bring along...

my boots and my helmet.

He's quite a guy.

I'm gonna fly the coop myself
and chew up pavement with him.

I mean, how many guys can say
they've ridden with a 30-year man, huh?

I tell you, sarge, there's one
guy that can't wait to hang it up.

No, no, no.

Things are not as they appear.

He used every loophole in
the book to extend his duty...

but the computer up in
Sacramento finally put its foot down.

No, no, what we're looking
at is a very proud man.

We have a report of a
multiple vehicle 1 1-80.

Responding units identif y.

7 Mary 3 and 4 responding
from Wheatland. ETA of three.

I'm all right. Get out of here.

I blew a tire. I
couldn't help it.

This thing went out of control.

Come on, you people,
get out of here, get back.

Come on, move back.

Hey, believe me, it was an
accident. The front tire blew.

And then this thing
went out of control.

- Believe me, officer.
- All right, okay. Just relax, all right?

- He's alive.
- All right, people, the load is loose here.

We don't want anybody hurt. Please
move back, okay? Give us room. Come on.

Come on.

The guy is jammed in that car.

Not gonna get him free
till we get the car away.

You wanna step over here?

I'm afraid that load'll fall on us
before we can cut him out of there.

- You got any extra cable?
- Yeah, I got some in the truck.

- I'll get it. I know where it is.
- All right. Listen...

you risk getting the car
if we secure the load?

- Okay.
- All right.

Okay, you go get
your head fixed. Go on.

No, Derk. I want you down here.

No time, sarge. Just grab the
cable and give me some slack.

Roll with it, sarge.

We have to ask you
to get out of the car.

- What the heck did I do?
- It's an emergency.

- Why me?
- Sir, we are within our jurisdiction. Please!

Come on.

What's going on here?

Now, Derk, if that load falls,
you jump towards me, you hear?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Just leave me alone.

Give me some more slack.

Hey, that's my
car they're using.

Our car.

Okay, Derk, now, nice and easy.

Come on.

Ah...

You okay?

Why wouldn't I be?

I get the idea he wasn't too
thrilled with me looking out for him.

Hey, you know, his last week.

He probably wants to
squeeze out every thrill he can.

Well, I don't want the
resident patriarch...

going out in a blaze
of glory on my shift.

Really worried about him, huh?

Just keep your eye
on him. Do you mind?

You never did tell me
how it went last night.

Jon, she was everything
you said she was.

Hey, what did I tell you?
You two are muy simpático.

There was one problem, pal. You built
me up so much she knew all my moves.

Just trying to get
the ball rolling.

Yeah, well, a quarter past 9,
the ball rolled right out the door.

Mm.

That's too bad.

High art, Jon.
Matchmaking is high art.

I rarely attempt it myself.

The secret is to
tantalize people...

so they'll wanna experience
each other for themselves.

Where's Mommy?

I want Mommy.

Mommy.

He's got my child!

Take it easy, sweetie.

He's got my daughter! Get him!

- No. No. No!
- Settle down! Settle down, ma'am.

It's gonna be okay.
- Lisa! Lisa.

Just be cool, friend. I'm a PI.

Got all the papers. So, uh,
please, let's just be cool, huh?

Private investigator, huh?

Well, step out very
carefully, Mr. PI.

I read you.

Take it easy, pal.
Just take it easy.

- Lisa!
- Mommy!

Lisa. Oh, are you all right?

I'm only trying to return the
child to her rightful parent.

I'm her legal parent. I am.

That man, he's working
for my ex-husband.

I mean, Lisa's
only money to him.

He lives in Nevada and if he's raising
an heir, it's a big inheritance for him.

Now, look. Now, fellas, look, I'm
legit. Now, the kid belongs to her father.

Liar! I mean, it's not
even been decided yet.

Okay, okay, this is
not the place, all right?

- Turn around, put your hands on your head.
- Oh...

Well, bye, Lisa. Maybe we
can, uh, play some later, huh?

Oh...

You really enjoy your
work, don't you, pal?

Yeah, well, I, uh, guess that
makes two of us, don't it, old-timer?

Wait a minute, Derk.

We'll take care of this.
Take care of the ladies, huh?

Yeah. But be careful.

I wouldn't want this gentleman
to fall and hurt himself.

Hey, Getraer really say
to keep an eye on him?

Is this Rose Lawton?

Rose, Cora Gilford
over on Wandamere.

Yeah, hi.

Well, not so good, uh, thanks.

I gotta move.

The reason I'm calling is I
gotta find a place for the animals.

And it'll only be for
a couple of weeks...

I see.

Oregon, huh?

Seems like everybody I know who
has some room has moved away.

Me?

No, don't worry about it.

Things will work
out. They always do.

Yeah.

Thanks anyway, Rose.

Bye.

The unit rolling to the 615-1
northbound Harbor Freeway...

north of Avenue 43,
ETA is 20 minutes.

Well, this must be the place.

15, 8 Adam responding 1 1-83...

Golden State Freeway at the
Pasadena Freeway intercross.

15, 4 Mary 1, 10-29.

Hey, Derk.

15, 6 Mary 2, 10-4 all 10-22...

Hey, Derk.

- Hey. Ha-ha. Uh...
- Roadway now clear.

Creature of habit. Let
me turn it down. Ha-ha.

15-6, 10-4 on your 21 1...

Hey, the Katzenjammer
Kids. It's good to see you.

- Hey.
- 15, 1 Mary 1...

I guess that kind of
fills in the gaps, huh?

Yeah. Yeah, it does. Uh...

Hey, what you guys up to today?

Just a little dune-jumping.
Thought we'd drop in...

and check your place out.

Oh, I see. This is where the
young Turks come to see...

if the old lobo can make
it on his own, huh? Huh?

You'll probably get an
"attaboy" from the sergeant.

Right, Derk, but
that's just the excuse.

What we want is to
see your collection.

Hey, that's more
like it. Come on.

Looks like you got the history
of motorcycles crammed in here.

Ah, just some old thumpers
from a day gone by.

You know what this is?

That's the Henderson, 1914.

Engine runs backwards.

It's the only one of
its kind ever made.

I've been trying to correct
the balance on this baby.

It's crazy. I can't
keep on the road.

Hey, how would you
fellas like to maybe, uh...

crack open a couple
of old Harleys, huh?

Whoo!

Oh, gosh, not yet.

Mrs. Gilford? Animal Control.

This is something
I don't want to do.

It's time, isn't it?

I have an order to remove all
animals from these premises.

The Department will board
them at reasonable cost...

until you can afford to
find someplace to put them.

If you don't pay,
or if you can't...

the Department will
set them up for sale.

Or in some legal manner...

otherwise dispose of them.

I always thought it
would work out, somehow.

I let you down. I
let you all down.

Now.

Do it now or never!

Oh!

Cora Gilford, what's the matter
with you? Can't you do anything right?

Attention all units, report of 1
1-83, white pickup over the side.

Topanga Canyon Road near Summit.

- Quick, give me a lift.
- Not this time, Derk.

You too, huh?

We know her, Derk,
and I'm the lightest. I'll go.

Cora?

Hurry up, Ponch.

Cora?

She's unconscious.

- This truck's gonna go any minute.
- Yeah.

Hey.

Easy, easy.

Who are you?

Hutchins. I live over the ridge.

Oh.

- Am I okay?
- How do you mean that, Cora?

You almost took us
with you this time, lady.

No, no, it was an accident.

Oh, come on, we've been
with you before. Save it, huh?

But I'm okay, nobody's hurt.

Uh-huh. First you go to
Valley General for observation.

Or you go to a nice, padded
room so you won't hurt anybody.

Oh!

I think I got whiplash.

Oh...!

- Valley General, quick, come on.
- Oh! Oh...

When you guys finish officiating
here, bring my Harleys back, would you?

Wait a minute. Out with it, huh?

All right, you've been taking over lately.
It's your thing, go ahead and do it.

What a zoo, eh?

Yeah. And we're the keepers.

- Hey, Jon, what if Derk and Cora...?
- You're not serious. I mean...

Hey, why not? If they could just
get a good look at each other...

Huh. Yeah, that'd
be quite a fight, huh?

Yeah.

Also might be good therapy too.

You know, deserve each other.

Well, she is one lucky lady.

Look, fellas, I'm sorry I got so
snappy. I guess I got carried away.

Yeah, I guess you did.

But I guess I ran my
mouth off a little too, huh?

Listen, why don't you
do the follow-up on this?

- I'm off-duty.
- Hey, so are we, but you got here first...

and I think Baricza'd
appreciate the help.

Huh. I would. I would.

Well, you got it.

Yo, yeah, this is Davies.

Look, uh, I'm zeroed in, but the price
and the expenses are gonna go up.

Hey, hey, look, hold it. I mean,
either you want the kid or you don't.

Say the word, I'll drop it.

Okay.

Look, I got some
plans to firm up...

but I'll put the kid in your
hands by the end of the week.

Yeah. Don't worry.
I'll let you know.

Miss Gilford?

I'm Officer Hutchins. I'd like
to ask you a question or two.

It won't take long.

Oh...

The uniform. You weren't
wearing it yesterday.

Were you trying to kill
yourself up there yesterday?

Yes and no.

I wanted to.

I was heading
right for that cliff.

And then suddenly I knew I
couldn't be a coward anymore.

And then this car came from nowhere,
and I lost control of my truck and...

You don't believe me, do you?

Cora, we believe you.

Cora, we know you've been
having a pretty awful time lately.

Yeah.

They took my animals.

It scared them so.

It seemed like there
wasn't anything left.

I can't afford the
boarding fees.

They'll be sold.

Or destroyed.

Listen, you two are
almost neighbors.

You wouldn't know anybody
who could, uh, help us out...

with the animals, would you?

- Hey, now, wait a minute, you guys...
- Come on, it's only temporary.

And think of the advantages.

- Be like owning your own...
- What are you up to?

Wait a minute, everything's
right. You just go out there...

- do a little thing with this animal...
- You guys really play dirty.

I'd do all the work myself. It
wouldn't be any trouble at all.

Thank you, thank
you. Oh, thank you.

Okay, one more reminder.

Secret Service seminar
tomorrow night, 7:30 p.m.

Derk.

Not one word. You
promised. Not one word.

Okay, not one word, but would
you step up here a minute, please?

The rest of you, hit your beats.

Now, if you'll permit
me to say so privately...

I enjoyed having you with us...

and this is your last
day, so, um, stay loose.

Staying loose is how I
made it through 30 years.

- See you around.
- Ha-ha. Okay.

Not one word.

- Hey, congratulations!
- Congratulations!

Derk?

Hey, Hutchins. Derk!

- Hutchins!
- Yeah, yeah?

- Somebody to see you up front.
- Okay.

- Go get them, Derk.
- Yeah, Derk.

- Hey, baby.
- See you. Thanks a lot.

Cora.

- Hey, you look pretty good.
- Oh. Huh.

Thank you.

Cold hands.

Well, you know what
they say. Warm heart.

You going out today?

Yeah, it's something
between me and myself.

Wanna have dinner later?

Cora, the man is
supposed to ask the woman.

That's old-fashioned.

Ah.

Seven-thirty okay?

Be careful.

Oh, for Pete's sake.

How you doing, pal?

- Everything all right?
- It's all right.

Okay. Look, uh, half now, half
when we land in Reno, all right?

Now, look, I want that plane
at the end of the runway.

I want the engine hot
and ready to go, okay?

I'll be ready. I don't plan
to get nailed for kidnapping.

Kidnapping? Will you come on?

It's a custody fight. It's the
muddiest legal area of them all.

It's not a very tidy world.

Uh-huh. Look at the smarts you
got, huh? You're gonna go far.

I'll see you tomorrow, right?

Now, you eat all
your cake, okay?

Lisa, wait for Mommy, honey.

- Who is it? DAVIES:
Dry cleaning.

- Dry cleaning, Mommy.
- Thank you, darling. I love you.

- What are you doing?
- Take it easy, nobody'll get hurt.

No, no, no, please, no.

No, please, no. Oh!

- No!
- Mommy!

No, Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!

No, no, no, Lisa!

Lisa!

You think it's a real romance?

I don't know. Like you
said, matchmaking is an art.

But I think Cora's
kind of turned on.

West Valley units, we
have a reported kidnap.

Last seen southbound
on West Valley Road.

Units responding, identif y.

7 Mary 3 and 4 will cover the
405 northbound from Santa Monica.

10-4, 7 Mary 3.

7 Charles, suspect is heading southbound
to the 405. I'm rolling from Mulholland.

7 Mary 3 and 4 will intercept
the suspect from Sunset.

What's going on?

- I wanna go home. I wanna go home.
- All right, Lisa. All right, Lisa, now, just...

- I want my mom!
- Lisa, will you be quiet, now?

He's taking the Sunset off.

7 Charles, I lost contact
at Sunset and 405.

He didn't turn east,
I'd have seen him.

Take the freeway south,
he might have gone back on.

Okay, you take Sepulveda,
I'll take Cloverfield.

7 Mary 9 in pursuit
of the 207 suspect...

southbound on Bundy off Pico.

Jon, the kid's father lives in Las
Vegas. He's heading for the airport.

I want my mom!

Stay. All right,
go, go, go, let's go.

All right, come on, let's go.
Let's get this turkey off the ground.

Come on, they're almost here, haven't
you got any more speed on this thing?

Go, come on, come on, go, go.

Let's go. Take off, will you?

- Take off, will you?
- I can't, he's jammed the controls.

Okay, flight's canceled.
You wanna step out?

- Davies, I want the little girl.
- All right, all right, she's yours.

- Come out of there.
- Don't you guys ever give up?

- Move it. Put your left hand on your head.
- All right.

Well, you have a lot to
tell your mommy, don't you?

Okay. Hey, I think
she's gonna be okay.

Hi, sweetheart, my name is Sindy.
You wanna take a ride in my police car?

- Be seeing you.
- Okay.

Well, did you learn your airplane-stopping
technique at the Academy, Poncherello?

Hey, I was just following
your orders, sarge.

My orders?

- You said we were supposed to...
- Supposed to look after me, huh?

Yeah, um, and if
I didn't move in...

Derk would have had a chance
to mess up a perfect safety record.

After all, I can afford it.

Poncherello, if you think that I
would do a stunt like that, you're crazy.

I mean, life is
too short as it is.

Oh!

Here they are, the
rest of the family. Ha!

Hi, guys.

Oh, Cassie. Oh,
Cassie, look, look.

Isn't it marvelous?

It's all so beautiful,
we're all together again...

and you're gonna
really like it here.

Uh... It's temporary, of course.

Huh...

- Come on, you ungrateful mutt.
- Cassie, mind your manners.

Oh, Derk's in trouble now.

All right, come
on in here, you...

Never heard of such a
thing as a goat in a garage.

- Over here.
- Come on, you guys. Oh...

Derk, watch out.

- What? Oh!
- Watch out!

Derk! Oh, take this, can you?

Are you all right?

She just wants you to pet her.

- Come on.
- Very sweet.

All it takes is a little tenderness.
Now, Cassie, come on.

Derk, before this is over, you'll be
gassing up goats and milking motorcycles.

- Hey, Derk.
- Yeah?

Look.

They're already paying rent.

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