CHiPs (1977–1983): Season 1, Episode 14 - Rustling - full transcript
The CHP investigate a group of cattle rustlers trying to cheat insurance companies.
Hi.
What's up?
Put your hands
where I can see 'em.
Hey.
Put your right hand
on your right ear.
You're not gonna handcuff me.
Okay, so I won't cuff you.
You're gonna regret this.
I heard that one before.
Well, not the way I play it.
Hey, mister, you just made a war
zone out on the city streets.
You better count your blessings.
We don't have to
call an ambulance.
Read him his rights, Baker.
I know my rights.
Yeah, you just don't know
about the rights
of others, right?
LA 15, 7 Mary 4
send an 11-85 for storage
and one unit
for an 11-48 to Parker.
'10-4, 15 to 7 Mary 4.'
Believe that guy?
He wants us
to call his attorney.
Yeah, well, he can do that
after they take him in.
Yeah, don't give him
any openings, I've a feeling
he's the type that's
gonna try to get even.
He doesn't care who he hurts.
Hey, Ponch, let's get these
reports filled out fast.
I gotta make
an important phone call.
You start
and I'll be right with you.
Ponch?
Hey, I gotta stop
by personnel. Honest.
I've heard that one before.
Hey, man,
I got my rights too.
Hey, sweetheart.
How's my favorite sex object?
- Oh.
- Hey, come on, Mamie.
The word's all
over headquarters.
You're my favorite.
Only when you want something.
But you summoned me. I was
just on my way to your office.
Oh, I'll save you the trouble.
Here, sign this.
Right there.
If you can't write,
make your mark.
When are you gonna break down
and give me a date, Mamie, huh?
'When are you gonna stop
teasing old ladies?'
You know, I've half a mind
to take you up on it.
Just to see the
expression on your face.
Take a good look, love.
This Friday, eight o'clock.
You're kidding.
Almost. It's Jon's birthday.
- And I'm--
- I'm his birthday present.
No, not quite.
I'm throwing him--
A birthday party.
Right on. How'd you know?
I'm psychic.
Okay. What kind of a party
is it gonna be?
A surprise party.
Right again.
So don't breathe a word,
and let's each kick in.
Surprise!
I haven't got five bucks.
Surprise! It'll cost you ten.
But it just wouldn't be
a party without you, Mamie.
See me tomorrow.
You got it.
Hey, Jon, where you been?
I thought you'd be--
Yeah, I know, you thought I'd
be writing our reports, right?
- Wrong, huh?
- Right.
I've just been talking
to Sergeant Getraer about
furthering your career
and I think, I convinced him
you'll make a better officer.
If you had a little more
experience at report writing.
Now, this thing,
if you don't know, is a 5-5-5.
This is a 2-0-2.
And, uh, this little
unfamiliar object is a pencil.
Now...see you in
the AM partner, okay?
That'll about to do it, Gil.
No, there's still room
for a couple more.
We been here more
than 20 minutes already.
Anyone on those car could've
spotted us and blown a whistle.
Let's not get greedy.
In and out. Hit and run.
Okay, Buck.
Hey, Jon, I made some
plans for us Friday night.
You're free, aren't you?
You mean, this
coming Friday night?
Well, I don't mean
next year Friday night.
Yeah, well, don't
count on it. I got a date.
Well, listen, you tell
whoever she is that we can
all double-date Saturday night.
Friday night it's
you and me, okay?
What do you mean? Something
going on I don't know about?
No. No, I just thought we
ought to get to know each other.
You know, spend
more time together.
Tell you what, we spend
40 hours a week plus overtime
in getting to know
each other, if I knew you--
15, 7 Mary 3 and Mary 4, LA.
Report of Livestock
on the Golden State
freeway at Calgrove.
Repeat, a report of Livestock
on the Golden State
freeway at Calgrove.
LA 15, 7 Mary 3 and 4.
Copy, uh, rolling
south from Broadway.
Hey, you ever want
to be a cowboy, Tex?
You ever want to be a motor cop?
Come on, let's go.
'Okay, let's get 'em movin'.'
Clean out this place.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- You lose many?
- Sure did.
It could take hours, though, to
put together a real head count.
Hey. Look at that.
They cut the wire
backed the truck right up there.
Now, how come you suppose
folks didn't notice?
'Must've taken 'em hours
to herd up that many cattle.'
Hey, partner.
They used a dirt bike.
Sure did, and two
different kinds too.
You mean a motorsickle?
Heh. Yeah.
Excuse me.
What's the world coming
to when folks start using
motorsickles to
do cattle rustling?
Listen, how would you like
to go to a swinging party?
- Yeah, I would.
- 'Alright.'
Slide me ten bucks and, uh,
don't let Jon see you do it.
- Why, isn't he invited?
- Yeah, he is.
But he doesn't know it yet.
You got it.
Good morning.
Good morning...ma'am.
Did I do something wrong?
You went through
an orange light at red drive.
Red drive, where is that?
'Look, there's no
such thing as red drive.'
You ran a red light
back there at orange drive.
I just said that.
- You said it backwards.
- Oh!
Would you mind stepping
over here at the corner, please?
May I see your
driver's license, please?
Uh, excuse me.
I'm her uncle.
Maybe I can be of some help.
Thank you, dear.
Everything grows beautifully
here in California.
Ah, here it is.
You want to take it out, please?
Well, it's, uh..
...it's in your
partner's pocket.
Hey, how did you do that?
Well, it's really
not very difficult.
We, uh...we do it for a living.
That's very interesting.
Oh, I'll get it.
Now, officer, what time is it?
Um-mm..
Always carry a spare.
- There you are.
- Thank you.
There we are.
You are now
a magician's assistant.
You owe me $6 dues.
Forget it,
I was only kidding.
Hey, would you
sign this, please?
Oh, no! Do you have to?
Yes, ma'am.
Do you have a pen?
Right here.
Uh, maybe you better use mine.
That way the ink won't vanish.
Uh, my card.
The great Marvello, huh?
Hey, Jon, he's terrific, huh?
Yeah, he's great.
You're so serious. We're just
trying to lighten up your life.
No, really, I appreciate it.
It's, uh, just I'm trying
to lengthen yours.
Here you go.
Hey, it's been fun.
Don't spoil it.
I'll be in the car.
Gotcha.
Can you believe that guy?
He had my watch,
my marksmanship badge--
Your gun, and, uh..
Got a minute, Sarge?
Uh, yeah.
How would you like
to go to a party?
Uh, Poncherello, you invite
your friends to parties.
- You my friend.
- Yeah, but are you mine?
Anyway, the party is for Jon.
His birthday, a surprise.
'And everybody is contributing.'
- Surprise party for Jon, huh?
- 'Mm-hmm.'
Alright, I tell you what,
I'll bring you some vegetables
from my garden.
How about that?
Great, I was hoping you would.
Uh, listen,
bring ten bucks worth
'cause that's what
everybody else is kickin' in.
Ten bucks worth of vegetable?
Oh, you mean ten dollars.
Hi, Sarge. Sorry I'm late.
I was filling out
the reports alone.
Oh, hey, you should
have called me, Jon.
Yeah, Getraer.
Yeah, 'course
I know where they are.
They're standing right here.
'Uh, but we didn't
get a subpoena.'
Uh-huh. Okay, right.
Thanks.
Uh, that was the CA's office.
'That guy, Ambrose,
you busted yesterday?'
He's demanded an immediate trial
and they're gonna
give it to him.
Division 65 in 30 minutes.
- Okay, we're gone.
- Okay.
Alright, Poncherello.
'Here's your ten bucks.'
I should get a receipt.
- Thanks, Sarge.
- 'Hmm.'
Right.
After additional
high-speed pursuit
within the parking facility
'the suspect's vehicle
collided with another'
which was parked.
After a minor altercation
'the suspect was
taken into custody.'
Are you saying that
Mr. Ambrose resisted arrest?
Uh, Your Honor,
the defense will stipulate
that the defendant
apparently...resisted arrest.
- Cross-examine?
- No.
We have no desire to
keep this fine young officer
'from his duties any longer
than is necessary, your honor.'
'No questions.'
You're excused.
The people rest, your honor.
I, uh, call Mr. Ambrose.
Fine young officer?
It's the old end-around.
You better keep
your eye on the ball.
Mr. Ambrose..
...did you in fact..
...resist arrest?
Oh, well.
I admit it might
have looked that way
but...in actual fact,
when officer Poncherello there
raised his handcuffs
'I thought he was
gonna hit me with 'em.'
'So, naturally,
I just pushed him away.'
'Little like a sort
of a reflex reaction?'
- 'Yes, sir.'
- In self-defense?
Yes, sir, uh, well,
that's what I thought
in the heat of
the moment but...after
sober reflection,
I realized that..
...I was wrong.
And in fact,
Officer Poncherello there
'did not attempt to assault me.'
And, uh..
...I would like to apologize.
'I realize now that he
was just doin' his duty.'
Of course.
Now, Mr. Ambrose, did you..
...you have heard the testimony
regarding your alleged
reckless driving?
Yes, sir, and I would not
challenge one word of it.
Well, now, you were indeed..
...driving recklessly.
No, sir.
But it certainly must have
looked that way, uh..
...in fact, I had no
more control of that car
than those two officers
sitting over there.
'Why wouldn't you explain
that further, Mr. Ambrose?'
Here it comes.
Well..
...in order to conserve fuel
I had the car in cruise control.
Now, the device stuck
when I approached the off-ramp
and I just simply
could not slow down.
'Your honor, we submit
that what we have here'
is not reckless driving
but simply a, a failure
in equipment.
You may cross-examine,
Counselor. If you wish.
Uh, may we have
a moment, your honor?
Of course.
Uh, Mr. Ambrose would
you explain to the court
the manner in which
the uh, cruise control
on your automobile operates?
Sure, uh..
...well, you just
get up to speed
you press a button,
and it keeps it on that speed
'until you step on the brakes.'
'Only this time,
it just didn't cut out.'
'Now, aside from pushing
the button and stepping'
on the brake paddle,
do you have any understanding
of the mechanics of the cruise
control of your automobile?
No, I just drive 'em.
I don't build 'em.
Of course.
Now, at the time of
your arrest did Officers
Poncherello and Baker
conduct a mechanical
'inspection of your car?'
Well, a superficial
examination, yeah.
Now, how superficial?
Well, uh, windshield wipers,
horns, tail lights, like that.
Stop lights?
Yeah, but they never looked
at the cruise control.
I understand, but the things
they did inspect
tail lights, stop lights, horn.
They were all
in good working order?
Yes, sir.
They all worked perfectly.
Your honor, we have no more
questions for Mr. Ambrose.
I'd like to recall
Officer Poncherello.
What's this all about?
Where's he been?
Officer Poncherello.
Would you tell the court
if it's normal procedure
for you to conduct
a mechanical inspection
following an arrest
such as you described earlier?
No, sir,
but we figured Mr. Ambrose
would try to get cute with us.
'He says you didn't inspect
his, uh, cruise control.'
We didn't have to.
We knew it was in perfect shape.
'Would you tell
the court how you knew?'
Yes, sir.
When you press the brake,
the cruise control disengages
'and the stop lights
are activated.'
'If that circuit..'
...had malfunctioned
for any reason..
...the stop lights
wouldn't have worked.
Your honor, Officer Baker
just stepped out
to his partner's motorcycle
and presented me
with this statement
taken yesterday
from the service manager
'of the automobile agency'
'where Mr. Ambrose
purchased his car.'
'It corroborates Officer
Poncherello's testimony.'
'And the uh,
service manager's agreed'
to appear as a expert witness
if the court deems necessary.
Your honor..
..,my client begs
to change his plea
'to guilty as charged.'
'You may step down,
Officer Poncherello.'
The defendant will
approach the bench.
Nice work.
You know what
the fellows always say
be prepared.
Mr. Ambrose
you recklessly endangered
the public safety.
I fine you $250 and damages.
And sentence you to five days
in county jail. Remanded.
LA, 7 Mary 3, I have
an 11-80 west of Hollywood.
10-4, 15, 7 Mary 3.
'Is there anyone
that can hear me?'
'Oh, please get me out of here.'
'Oh, hurry, please?'
Oh, my God!
Help me, please. Hurry.
Help me.
Oh! I must be caught
on something.
'Help me. Hurry.'
'Oh, God! Oh, God!'
We're on fire!
Okay, just hold
on to me, come on.
I'll get you outta here.
Come on, hold on to me.
Help me, please!
Ahh! It hurts, don't.
Okay.
Okay.
Is that better?
Yeah.
I couldn't breathe.
Just hold me.
It's alright.
Put your hands
where I can see 'em.
Look, Officer--
Put your hands
on the wheel, now!
You don't understand.
I was, uh, going--
- Hey!
- Come on.
You don't understand.
You don't, I, uh,
I didn't see your lights
until just, I was coming down
Put your right hand
over your head.
You didn't see my lights?
No, I didn't see 'em.
I didn't see anything.
And I suppose you didn't see
what happened a mile back.
No. Was it good?
'Listen, Mister'
you're stone drunk.
You might have killed
someone back there.
Ah, that car was--
Minding its own
business. Innocent.
Wait, you're not,
you're not kidding, are you?
You...you mean I might really..
...I might really
have killed somebody.
Mister, why would I kid you?
I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
No! Oh, no!
I'm sorry.
- Oh, no.
- Move.
Oh, no!
- Spread your feet.
- Oh!
The pain seems to be going away.
That's good.
It hurt so much before
and now, I can't feel anything.
I can't move my legs.
Hey, it's okay.
Just don't try. Just lie
perfectly still, alright?
Hey, what's your name?
I'm Susan.
Susan Wyatt.
- Listen, Susan.
- 'It's Susie.'
Yeah.
Well, how old
are you Susie Wyatt?
I'm 17.
- You go to school?
- 'Valley High.'
I was going to an awards thing.
At the Palladium.
Are you gonna get an award?
Uh-huh.
I'm the honored graduate.
Bet you got all A's, huh?
No.
I got one B.
'In cooking.'
But it's okay, 'cause
I'm gonna be a nurse anyway.
You just remind me to get sick
and not to get hungry, okay?
Okay, they're gonna take you
away from me now, Susie.
The paramedics are here, okay?
You guys are slowing down.
The fire unit beat you here.
Yeah, yeah, okay.
What do we got here, Jon?
She had her legs pinned, uh,
she's not feeling any pain now.
You're going to be
okay, right, Susie?
You'll be okay. You'll probably
be in the hospital in no time.
Listen, they'll probably keep
you in there for observation.
You keep your eyes open, okay?
Watch those nurses
do their thing.
'Okay, easy does it.'
Okay.
I'm gonna have to
leave you now, Susan.
Oh, no!
Hey, come on,
you're gonna be alright.
Listen, I'll keep in touch.
Okay?
No, I will. I promise.
You're going to AM briefing?
Have a choice?
Sure, if you want
I'll square with the Sarge.
That's not the point, Ponch.
I wouldn't want to miss
anything important, though.
Uh, the cattle rustlers
struck again
last night in the Saugus area.
'The same MO.'
'A hole in
the fence, dirt bikes.'
'That's their third hit.'
'The section 28,
10-A of the vehicle code'
authorizes you to pull
over any vehicle you suspect
is carrying stolen timber
farm produce, poultry
or livestock.
And how do we determine
if the vehicle load is stolen?
Through examination
of the driver's
bills of lading
and weight certificates.
Carrying a complete description
of the uh, load, weight
point of origin,
and destination.
Now, pay particular attention
to the weight certificates.
They can only be
issued by authorized
state-approved
public weigh stations.
Now, keep in mind that
these dudes are, uh..
...rustlers.
They're not forgers.
Now there's been some, uh..
...pressure on this.
'Not only the cattle growers'
'but their insurance companies
are demanding actions.'
'So, uh..'
...let's, um..
'...let's give it to 'em, huh?'
Okay. Next item.
Uh, Marie Davis,
third floor, please.
- Hello.
- Hi, Marie. This is Jon.
Not Jon Baker, couldn't be.
'I'm sure he lost
my number a long time ago.'
Hey, come on,
give me a break, okay?
You know what my life is like.
' I know what mine is like.'
And I know, it's
a lot better when I see
some old friends
once in a while.
Okay, love, you've properly
chastised me now.
Will you want to do me a favor?
Check for an accident victim.
I knew it wasn't cupid
suddenly getting to you.
- What's her name?
- Susie, uh, Susie Wyatt.
- She came in today.
- Hold on.
- 'Jon?'
- Yeah.
'They're getting her
ready for surgery now.'
It's too soon to tell if there's
any permanent spinal damage.
Okay, thanks a lot. I'll be
talking to you soon, okay?
I'm counting on it. Oh, and,
Jon, the flowers are beautiful.
Oh, what do you mean?
'The flowers in the kids room.'
The card's signed
"From the boys at CHP"
but I assumed they're from you.
Oh, yeah, well, uh, you assumed
wrong, but, uh, thanks anyway.
I'll be talking to you later.
- Bye-bye.
- 'Bye-bye.'
That was the hospital. They're
getting ready to do surgery.
They don't know if she's
gonna be paralyzed yet.
Tough.
Oh, by the way, do you--
do you know if there's
a florist around here?
Yeah, Wilson's on the corner,
but you don't have..
Yeah, you know what,
it really bothers me
to work with a partner
with such a heart of stone.
Ah, you guys gonna
put in a full day's work
or am I gonna have to start
awarding half days off
anytime you handle
an accident, huh?
- I guess we work.
- Oh, well, congratulations.
I'm sure the commissioner
will be grateful.
LA 15, 7 Adam.
I'm effecting a stop
on a cattle truck.
Southbound San Diego
at Mulholland.
License number is VN-6862.
Please roll, uh,
a backup unit for assistance.
10-4, 7 Adam.
Any unit in
the vicinity of Mulholland
roll and assist 7 Adam
with a stop involving
a cattle truck.
LA, 7 Mary 4. We're rolling
Northbound from sunset.
10-4, 7 Mary 4.
Gentlemen, could
you please climb out?
Hey, Mr. Hoskins,
how you doing?
Why, Howdy.
It's, uh, officer, uh,
Baricza, ain't it?
Yeah.
Hey, now,
wouldn't it be nice
if you was stopping
me to tell me
you got my stolen stock back?
Well, no stocks, sir.
That's a job
for the sheriff's department.
But I was stopping you
to check your bill of lading.
Uh, well, I don't
need no bill of lading.
I don't quite understand
that, Mr. Hoskins.
Could you step down and follow
me over to the shoulder, please?
Oh, you bet.
Yes, sir. Anything to oblige.
Uh, now about this lading bill
see there ain't none because
these cattle's ain't been sold.
Matter of fact,
this is the same herd
you saw the other day,
or what's left of 'em
after them cattle rustlers
got through with me.
Ah, I'm just moving 'em
up to the north range.
'It's better grazing up there.'
Well, I guess you've
a weight certificate, then.
Uh, no, sir. I don't.
I don't have no call
for that red tape neither.
You say these
are the same cows, huh?
Oh, absolutely.
'Though I really wouldn't
expect a city boy'
'to be able to tell
one from the other.'
But the brand I saw on those
cows the other day was..
...it's a kind of
a bar in front of an H.
The brand in there
is an X in a circle.
Oh, well, it, uh,
don't mean a thing.
Well, I don't know
that much about it, sir.
But it seems to me
that these steers
come from some other ranch,
other than your own.
Well, I can see how
you'd think that.
But the truth is,
circle X is another
'one of my registered brands.'
As a matter of fact
I think we have our
certificate of brand
registration up
in there somewhere.
Don't we, Buck?
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Here you go, Officer.
Hey, I'm okay.
Go get those guys.
Well, what do we got here?
Looks like a couple
of wet rats to me.
So, this Hoskins guy
was collecting two ways.
First, he sells his cattle,
reports 'em stolen.
Then he collects from
the insurance company.
No, no, wait
a minute, old buddy.
You don't need a key.
I know a locksmith.
Surprise!
- 'Happy birthday.'
- 'Hey!'
Happy birthday,
you handsome thing.
Oh, thank you, Mamie,
uh, Fritz, Gross, Bar
Sarge, thanks a lot,
but I mean..
Listen, when it's my birthday
I'll do the same for you.
When you what does what?
When it's my birthday,
in a couple months from now.
Today is your birthday.
I got it right outta
your personnel file.
Hey, wait a minute. Come here.
Excuse me, Sarge.
Listen.
Oh, wait a minute, Ponch.
You got my employee number.
Not my birthday.
Aww!
Ponch.
'Oh, great, Ponch.
Really great.'
Alright, so it's
not your birthday.
So, what?
Somebody's birthday, huh?
Yeah, that's right.
Here have some.
Uh, what's its name?
Zucchini.
I grew it in my garden. Here.
- Hey, how about you?
- Oh, no, thanks, Sarge.
Hey, what's wrong?
You don't like zucchini?
Hey, I love it,
but, uh, I'm the host here.
And I got some hosting to do.
Here, h-have another one.
- Umm?
- Come on.
Folks, listen up.
I want you to meet
the classiest magician around.
Known from San Pedro to Burbank
as Marvello the great.
Thank you.
And this here
is his niece, Virginia.
Well, I brought
a few of my friends.
52 to be exact. Let's see
what we can do with that.
Have a little fun
with a pack of cards, huh?
Few cards hanging
around the joint.
Eh, goodnight.
Just a regulation pack of cards.
Let's see what they
look like, fanned out.
- Pretty. Hm-mm.
- Mmm.
Here's what they look like
in a 25-cent poker game.
'How about hitting
the big game?'
Awful hand.
Hey, Jon, uh,
you got a phone call.
- Hello?
- 'Jon?'
I just thought
you'd like to know
that Susie Wyatt
is outta surgery.
And...it looks like
she's gonna be okay.
Hey, alright.
You just made my birthday party.
Well, it's not
exactly my birthday.
It's a party. You wanna come?
Yeah, what time
you get off duty?
Okay, I'll pick
you up in an hour.
Alright, thanks a lot. Goodbye.
- He's the greatest, huh?
- Uh, no, he's not the greatest.
Susie Wyatt's the greatest.
She's gonna be alright.
Alright.
- Okay.
- Excellent cut.
There you are,
definitely cut, right?
Behind the back.
In less than 30 seconds, we put
the rope back together again.
Watch, One, two!
Three! Made it.
What are you laughing at?
You think that's
easy with arthritis?
Oh, that was great, Marvello.
But don't you do magic too?
There's a reason one illusion
that I've been working on
but I was saving it
for my opening in Vegas.
Ah, when you say "was" does
that mean you'll do it now, huh?
Well, it's, uh,
very extraordinary.
It's never been done
on any stage before.
Oh, come on.
You're not gonna, uh,
what, disappoint
30 highway patrolmen, are you?
Well, since you put it that way.
Do you have any milk?
Oh, milk? Yeah.
And, I'll need
a sheet of newspaper.
- Newspaper?
- There's some right there.
- Right here.
- Fine.
Eh, we'll form this into
a...what they call a cornucopia.
'There we are.'
Now, we-we might say that this
piece of paper is watertight.
Or should I say...milk-tight.
Watch! Would you mind
all stepping back?
- Yeah.
- Plenty of room.
It's a big act. There we go.
Watch!
Voila!
Watch everybody. Now watch!
You know this costs
30 bones in Vegas.
What's up?
Put your hands
where I can see 'em.
Hey.
Put your right hand
on your right ear.
You're not gonna handcuff me.
Okay, so I won't cuff you.
You're gonna regret this.
I heard that one before.
Well, not the way I play it.
Hey, mister, you just made a war
zone out on the city streets.
You better count your blessings.
We don't have to
call an ambulance.
Read him his rights, Baker.
I know my rights.
Yeah, you just don't know
about the rights
of others, right?
LA 15, 7 Mary 4
send an 11-85 for storage
and one unit
for an 11-48 to Parker.
'10-4, 15 to 7 Mary 4.'
Believe that guy?
He wants us
to call his attorney.
Yeah, well, he can do that
after they take him in.
Yeah, don't give him
any openings, I've a feeling
he's the type that's
gonna try to get even.
He doesn't care who he hurts.
Hey, Ponch, let's get these
reports filled out fast.
I gotta make
an important phone call.
You start
and I'll be right with you.
Ponch?
Hey, I gotta stop
by personnel. Honest.
I've heard that one before.
Hey, man,
I got my rights too.
Hey, sweetheart.
How's my favorite sex object?
- Oh.
- Hey, come on, Mamie.
The word's all
over headquarters.
You're my favorite.
Only when you want something.
But you summoned me. I was
just on my way to your office.
Oh, I'll save you the trouble.
Here, sign this.
Right there.
If you can't write,
make your mark.
When are you gonna break down
and give me a date, Mamie, huh?
'When are you gonna stop
teasing old ladies?'
You know, I've half a mind
to take you up on it.
Just to see the
expression on your face.
Take a good look, love.
This Friday, eight o'clock.
You're kidding.
Almost. It's Jon's birthday.
- And I'm--
- I'm his birthday present.
No, not quite.
I'm throwing him--
A birthday party.
Right on. How'd you know?
I'm psychic.
Okay. What kind of a party
is it gonna be?
A surprise party.
Right again.
So don't breathe a word,
and let's each kick in.
Surprise!
I haven't got five bucks.
Surprise! It'll cost you ten.
But it just wouldn't be
a party without you, Mamie.
See me tomorrow.
You got it.
Hey, Jon, where you been?
I thought you'd be--
Yeah, I know, you thought I'd
be writing our reports, right?
- Wrong, huh?
- Right.
I've just been talking
to Sergeant Getraer about
furthering your career
and I think, I convinced him
you'll make a better officer.
If you had a little more
experience at report writing.
Now, this thing,
if you don't know, is a 5-5-5.
This is a 2-0-2.
And, uh, this little
unfamiliar object is a pencil.
Now...see you in
the AM partner, okay?
That'll about to do it, Gil.
No, there's still room
for a couple more.
We been here more
than 20 minutes already.
Anyone on those car could've
spotted us and blown a whistle.
Let's not get greedy.
In and out. Hit and run.
Okay, Buck.
Hey, Jon, I made some
plans for us Friday night.
You're free, aren't you?
You mean, this
coming Friday night?
Well, I don't mean
next year Friday night.
Yeah, well, don't
count on it. I got a date.
Well, listen, you tell
whoever she is that we can
all double-date Saturday night.
Friday night it's
you and me, okay?
What do you mean? Something
going on I don't know about?
No. No, I just thought we
ought to get to know each other.
You know, spend
more time together.
Tell you what, we spend
40 hours a week plus overtime
in getting to know
each other, if I knew you--
15, 7 Mary 3 and Mary 4, LA.
Report of Livestock
on the Golden State
freeway at Calgrove.
Repeat, a report of Livestock
on the Golden State
freeway at Calgrove.
LA 15, 7 Mary 3 and 4.
Copy, uh, rolling
south from Broadway.
Hey, you ever want
to be a cowboy, Tex?
You ever want to be a motor cop?
Come on, let's go.
'Okay, let's get 'em movin'.'
Clean out this place.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- You lose many?
- Sure did.
It could take hours, though, to
put together a real head count.
Hey. Look at that.
They cut the wire
backed the truck right up there.
Now, how come you suppose
folks didn't notice?
'Must've taken 'em hours
to herd up that many cattle.'
Hey, partner.
They used a dirt bike.
Sure did, and two
different kinds too.
You mean a motorsickle?
Heh. Yeah.
Excuse me.
What's the world coming
to when folks start using
motorsickles to
do cattle rustling?
Listen, how would you like
to go to a swinging party?
- Yeah, I would.
- 'Alright.'
Slide me ten bucks and, uh,
don't let Jon see you do it.
- Why, isn't he invited?
- Yeah, he is.
But he doesn't know it yet.
You got it.
Good morning.
Good morning...ma'am.
Did I do something wrong?
You went through
an orange light at red drive.
Red drive, where is that?
'Look, there's no
such thing as red drive.'
You ran a red light
back there at orange drive.
I just said that.
- You said it backwards.
- Oh!
Would you mind stepping
over here at the corner, please?
May I see your
driver's license, please?
Uh, excuse me.
I'm her uncle.
Maybe I can be of some help.
Thank you, dear.
Everything grows beautifully
here in California.
Ah, here it is.
You want to take it out, please?
Well, it's, uh..
...it's in your
partner's pocket.
Hey, how did you do that?
Well, it's really
not very difficult.
We, uh...we do it for a living.
That's very interesting.
Oh, I'll get it.
Now, officer, what time is it?
Um-mm..
Always carry a spare.
- There you are.
- Thank you.
There we are.
You are now
a magician's assistant.
You owe me $6 dues.
Forget it,
I was only kidding.
Hey, would you
sign this, please?
Oh, no! Do you have to?
Yes, ma'am.
Do you have a pen?
Right here.
Uh, maybe you better use mine.
That way the ink won't vanish.
Uh, my card.
The great Marvello, huh?
Hey, Jon, he's terrific, huh?
Yeah, he's great.
You're so serious. We're just
trying to lighten up your life.
No, really, I appreciate it.
It's, uh, just I'm trying
to lengthen yours.
Here you go.
Hey, it's been fun.
Don't spoil it.
I'll be in the car.
Gotcha.
Can you believe that guy?
He had my watch,
my marksmanship badge--
Your gun, and, uh..
Got a minute, Sarge?
Uh, yeah.
How would you like
to go to a party?
Uh, Poncherello, you invite
your friends to parties.
- You my friend.
- Yeah, but are you mine?
Anyway, the party is for Jon.
His birthday, a surprise.
'And everybody is contributing.'
- Surprise party for Jon, huh?
- 'Mm-hmm.'
Alright, I tell you what,
I'll bring you some vegetables
from my garden.
How about that?
Great, I was hoping you would.
Uh, listen,
bring ten bucks worth
'cause that's what
everybody else is kickin' in.
Ten bucks worth of vegetable?
Oh, you mean ten dollars.
Hi, Sarge. Sorry I'm late.
I was filling out
the reports alone.
Oh, hey, you should
have called me, Jon.
Yeah, Getraer.
Yeah, 'course
I know where they are.
They're standing right here.
'Uh, but we didn't
get a subpoena.'
Uh-huh. Okay, right.
Thanks.
Uh, that was the CA's office.
'That guy, Ambrose,
you busted yesterday?'
He's demanded an immediate trial
and they're gonna
give it to him.
Division 65 in 30 minutes.
- Okay, we're gone.
- Okay.
Alright, Poncherello.
'Here's your ten bucks.'
I should get a receipt.
- Thanks, Sarge.
- 'Hmm.'
Right.
After additional
high-speed pursuit
within the parking facility
'the suspect's vehicle
collided with another'
which was parked.
After a minor altercation
'the suspect was
taken into custody.'
Are you saying that
Mr. Ambrose resisted arrest?
Uh, Your Honor,
the defense will stipulate
that the defendant
apparently...resisted arrest.
- Cross-examine?
- No.
We have no desire to
keep this fine young officer
'from his duties any longer
than is necessary, your honor.'
'No questions.'
You're excused.
The people rest, your honor.
I, uh, call Mr. Ambrose.
Fine young officer?
It's the old end-around.
You better keep
your eye on the ball.
Mr. Ambrose..
...did you in fact..
...resist arrest?
Oh, well.
I admit it might
have looked that way
but...in actual fact,
when officer Poncherello there
raised his handcuffs
'I thought he was
gonna hit me with 'em.'
'So, naturally,
I just pushed him away.'
'Little like a sort
of a reflex reaction?'
- 'Yes, sir.'
- In self-defense?
Yes, sir, uh, well,
that's what I thought
in the heat of
the moment but...after
sober reflection,
I realized that..
...I was wrong.
And in fact,
Officer Poncherello there
'did not attempt to assault me.'
And, uh..
...I would like to apologize.
'I realize now that he
was just doin' his duty.'
Of course.
Now, Mr. Ambrose, did you..
...you have heard the testimony
regarding your alleged
reckless driving?
Yes, sir, and I would not
challenge one word of it.
Well, now, you were indeed..
...driving recklessly.
No, sir.
But it certainly must have
looked that way, uh..
...in fact, I had no
more control of that car
than those two officers
sitting over there.
'Why wouldn't you explain
that further, Mr. Ambrose?'
Here it comes.
Well..
...in order to conserve fuel
I had the car in cruise control.
Now, the device stuck
when I approached the off-ramp
and I just simply
could not slow down.
'Your honor, we submit
that what we have here'
is not reckless driving
but simply a, a failure
in equipment.
You may cross-examine,
Counselor. If you wish.
Uh, may we have
a moment, your honor?
Of course.
Uh, Mr. Ambrose would
you explain to the court
the manner in which
the uh, cruise control
on your automobile operates?
Sure, uh..
...well, you just
get up to speed
you press a button,
and it keeps it on that speed
'until you step on the brakes.'
'Only this time,
it just didn't cut out.'
'Now, aside from pushing
the button and stepping'
on the brake paddle,
do you have any understanding
of the mechanics of the cruise
control of your automobile?
No, I just drive 'em.
I don't build 'em.
Of course.
Now, at the time of
your arrest did Officers
Poncherello and Baker
conduct a mechanical
'inspection of your car?'
Well, a superficial
examination, yeah.
Now, how superficial?
Well, uh, windshield wipers,
horns, tail lights, like that.
Stop lights?
Yeah, but they never looked
at the cruise control.
I understand, but the things
they did inspect
tail lights, stop lights, horn.
They were all
in good working order?
Yes, sir.
They all worked perfectly.
Your honor, we have no more
questions for Mr. Ambrose.
I'd like to recall
Officer Poncherello.
What's this all about?
Where's he been?
Officer Poncherello.
Would you tell the court
if it's normal procedure
for you to conduct
a mechanical inspection
following an arrest
such as you described earlier?
No, sir,
but we figured Mr. Ambrose
would try to get cute with us.
'He says you didn't inspect
his, uh, cruise control.'
We didn't have to.
We knew it was in perfect shape.
'Would you tell
the court how you knew?'
Yes, sir.
When you press the brake,
the cruise control disengages
'and the stop lights
are activated.'
'If that circuit..'
...had malfunctioned
for any reason..
...the stop lights
wouldn't have worked.
Your honor, Officer Baker
just stepped out
to his partner's motorcycle
and presented me
with this statement
taken yesterday
from the service manager
'of the automobile agency'
'where Mr. Ambrose
purchased his car.'
'It corroborates Officer
Poncherello's testimony.'
'And the uh,
service manager's agreed'
to appear as a expert witness
if the court deems necessary.
Your honor..
..,my client begs
to change his plea
'to guilty as charged.'
'You may step down,
Officer Poncherello.'
The defendant will
approach the bench.
Nice work.
You know what
the fellows always say
be prepared.
Mr. Ambrose
you recklessly endangered
the public safety.
I fine you $250 and damages.
And sentence you to five days
in county jail. Remanded.
LA, 7 Mary 3, I have
an 11-80 west of Hollywood.
10-4, 15, 7 Mary 3.
'Is there anyone
that can hear me?'
'Oh, please get me out of here.'
'Oh, hurry, please?'
Oh, my God!
Help me, please. Hurry.
Help me.
Oh! I must be caught
on something.
'Help me. Hurry.'
'Oh, God! Oh, God!'
We're on fire!
Okay, just hold
on to me, come on.
I'll get you outta here.
Come on, hold on to me.
Help me, please!
Ahh! It hurts, don't.
Okay.
Okay.
Is that better?
Yeah.
I couldn't breathe.
Just hold me.
It's alright.
Put your hands
where I can see 'em.
Look, Officer--
Put your hands
on the wheel, now!
You don't understand.
I was, uh, going--
- Hey!
- Come on.
You don't understand.
You don't, I, uh,
I didn't see your lights
until just, I was coming down
Put your right hand
over your head.
You didn't see my lights?
No, I didn't see 'em.
I didn't see anything.
And I suppose you didn't see
what happened a mile back.
No. Was it good?
'Listen, Mister'
you're stone drunk.
You might have killed
someone back there.
Ah, that car was--
Minding its own
business. Innocent.
Wait, you're not,
you're not kidding, are you?
You...you mean I might really..
...I might really
have killed somebody.
Mister, why would I kid you?
I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
No! Oh, no!
I'm sorry.
- Oh, no.
- Move.
Oh, no!
- Spread your feet.
- Oh!
The pain seems to be going away.
That's good.
It hurt so much before
and now, I can't feel anything.
I can't move my legs.
Hey, it's okay.
Just don't try. Just lie
perfectly still, alright?
Hey, what's your name?
I'm Susan.
Susan Wyatt.
- Listen, Susan.
- 'It's Susie.'
Yeah.
Well, how old
are you Susie Wyatt?
I'm 17.
- You go to school?
- 'Valley High.'
I was going to an awards thing.
At the Palladium.
Are you gonna get an award?
Uh-huh.
I'm the honored graduate.
Bet you got all A's, huh?
No.
I got one B.
'In cooking.'
But it's okay, 'cause
I'm gonna be a nurse anyway.
You just remind me to get sick
and not to get hungry, okay?
Okay, they're gonna take you
away from me now, Susie.
The paramedics are here, okay?
You guys are slowing down.
The fire unit beat you here.
Yeah, yeah, okay.
What do we got here, Jon?
She had her legs pinned, uh,
she's not feeling any pain now.
You're going to be
okay, right, Susie?
You'll be okay. You'll probably
be in the hospital in no time.
Listen, they'll probably keep
you in there for observation.
You keep your eyes open, okay?
Watch those nurses
do their thing.
'Okay, easy does it.'
Okay.
I'm gonna have to
leave you now, Susan.
Oh, no!
Hey, come on,
you're gonna be alright.
Listen, I'll keep in touch.
Okay?
No, I will. I promise.
You're going to AM briefing?
Have a choice?
Sure, if you want
I'll square with the Sarge.
That's not the point, Ponch.
I wouldn't want to miss
anything important, though.
Uh, the cattle rustlers
struck again
last night in the Saugus area.
'The same MO.'
'A hole in
the fence, dirt bikes.'
'That's their third hit.'
'The section 28,
10-A of the vehicle code'
authorizes you to pull
over any vehicle you suspect
is carrying stolen timber
farm produce, poultry
or livestock.
And how do we determine
if the vehicle load is stolen?
Through examination
of the driver's
bills of lading
and weight certificates.
Carrying a complete description
of the uh, load, weight
point of origin,
and destination.
Now, pay particular attention
to the weight certificates.
They can only be
issued by authorized
state-approved
public weigh stations.
Now, keep in mind that
these dudes are, uh..
...rustlers.
They're not forgers.
Now there's been some, uh..
...pressure on this.
'Not only the cattle growers'
'but their insurance companies
are demanding actions.'
'So, uh..'
...let's, um..
'...let's give it to 'em, huh?'
Okay. Next item.
Uh, Marie Davis,
third floor, please.
- Hello.
- Hi, Marie. This is Jon.
Not Jon Baker, couldn't be.
'I'm sure he lost
my number a long time ago.'
Hey, come on,
give me a break, okay?
You know what my life is like.
' I know what mine is like.'
And I know, it's
a lot better when I see
some old friends
once in a while.
Okay, love, you've properly
chastised me now.
Will you want to do me a favor?
Check for an accident victim.
I knew it wasn't cupid
suddenly getting to you.
- What's her name?
- Susie, uh, Susie Wyatt.
- She came in today.
- Hold on.
- 'Jon?'
- Yeah.
'They're getting her
ready for surgery now.'
It's too soon to tell if there's
any permanent spinal damage.
Okay, thanks a lot. I'll be
talking to you soon, okay?
I'm counting on it. Oh, and,
Jon, the flowers are beautiful.
Oh, what do you mean?
'The flowers in the kids room.'
The card's signed
"From the boys at CHP"
but I assumed they're from you.
Oh, yeah, well, uh, you assumed
wrong, but, uh, thanks anyway.
I'll be talking to you later.
- Bye-bye.
- 'Bye-bye.'
That was the hospital. They're
getting ready to do surgery.
They don't know if she's
gonna be paralyzed yet.
Tough.
Oh, by the way, do you--
do you know if there's
a florist around here?
Yeah, Wilson's on the corner,
but you don't have..
Yeah, you know what,
it really bothers me
to work with a partner
with such a heart of stone.
Ah, you guys gonna
put in a full day's work
or am I gonna have to start
awarding half days off
anytime you handle
an accident, huh?
- I guess we work.
- Oh, well, congratulations.
I'm sure the commissioner
will be grateful.
LA 15, 7 Adam.
I'm effecting a stop
on a cattle truck.
Southbound San Diego
at Mulholland.
License number is VN-6862.
Please roll, uh,
a backup unit for assistance.
10-4, 7 Adam.
Any unit in
the vicinity of Mulholland
roll and assist 7 Adam
with a stop involving
a cattle truck.
LA, 7 Mary 4. We're rolling
Northbound from sunset.
10-4, 7 Mary 4.
Gentlemen, could
you please climb out?
Hey, Mr. Hoskins,
how you doing?
Why, Howdy.
It's, uh, officer, uh,
Baricza, ain't it?
Yeah.
Hey, now,
wouldn't it be nice
if you was stopping
me to tell me
you got my stolen stock back?
Well, no stocks, sir.
That's a job
for the sheriff's department.
But I was stopping you
to check your bill of lading.
Uh, well, I don't
need no bill of lading.
I don't quite understand
that, Mr. Hoskins.
Could you step down and follow
me over to the shoulder, please?
Oh, you bet.
Yes, sir. Anything to oblige.
Uh, now about this lading bill
see there ain't none because
these cattle's ain't been sold.
Matter of fact,
this is the same herd
you saw the other day,
or what's left of 'em
after them cattle rustlers
got through with me.
Ah, I'm just moving 'em
up to the north range.
'It's better grazing up there.'
Well, I guess you've
a weight certificate, then.
Uh, no, sir. I don't.
I don't have no call
for that red tape neither.
You say these
are the same cows, huh?
Oh, absolutely.
'Though I really wouldn't
expect a city boy'
'to be able to tell
one from the other.'
But the brand I saw on those
cows the other day was..
...it's a kind of
a bar in front of an H.
The brand in there
is an X in a circle.
Oh, well, it, uh,
don't mean a thing.
Well, I don't know
that much about it, sir.
But it seems to me
that these steers
come from some other ranch,
other than your own.
Well, I can see how
you'd think that.
But the truth is,
circle X is another
'one of my registered brands.'
As a matter of fact
I think we have our
certificate of brand
registration up
in there somewhere.
Don't we, Buck?
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Here you go, Officer.
Hey, I'm okay.
Go get those guys.
Well, what do we got here?
Looks like a couple
of wet rats to me.
So, this Hoskins guy
was collecting two ways.
First, he sells his cattle,
reports 'em stolen.
Then he collects from
the insurance company.
No, no, wait
a minute, old buddy.
You don't need a key.
I know a locksmith.
Surprise!
- 'Happy birthday.'
- 'Hey!'
Happy birthday,
you handsome thing.
Oh, thank you, Mamie,
uh, Fritz, Gross, Bar
Sarge, thanks a lot,
but I mean..
Listen, when it's my birthday
I'll do the same for you.
When you what does what?
When it's my birthday,
in a couple months from now.
Today is your birthday.
I got it right outta
your personnel file.
Hey, wait a minute. Come here.
Excuse me, Sarge.
Listen.
Oh, wait a minute, Ponch.
You got my employee number.
Not my birthday.
Aww!
Ponch.
'Oh, great, Ponch.
Really great.'
Alright, so it's
not your birthday.
So, what?
Somebody's birthday, huh?
Yeah, that's right.
Here have some.
Uh, what's its name?
Zucchini.
I grew it in my garden. Here.
- Hey, how about you?
- Oh, no, thanks, Sarge.
Hey, what's wrong?
You don't like zucchini?
Hey, I love it,
but, uh, I'm the host here.
And I got some hosting to do.
Here, h-have another one.
- Umm?
- Come on.
Folks, listen up.
I want you to meet
the classiest magician around.
Known from San Pedro to Burbank
as Marvello the great.
Thank you.
And this here
is his niece, Virginia.
Well, I brought
a few of my friends.
52 to be exact. Let's see
what we can do with that.
Have a little fun
with a pack of cards, huh?
Few cards hanging
around the joint.
Eh, goodnight.
Just a regulation pack of cards.
Let's see what they
look like, fanned out.
- Pretty. Hm-mm.
- Mmm.
Here's what they look like
in a 25-cent poker game.
'How about hitting
the big game?'
Awful hand.
Hey, Jon, uh,
you got a phone call.
- Hello?
- 'Jon?'
I just thought
you'd like to know
that Susie Wyatt
is outta surgery.
And...it looks like
she's gonna be okay.
Hey, alright.
You just made my birthday party.
Well, it's not
exactly my birthday.
It's a party. You wanna come?
Yeah, what time
you get off duty?
Okay, I'll pick
you up in an hour.
Alright, thanks a lot. Goodbye.
- He's the greatest, huh?
- Uh, no, he's not the greatest.
Susie Wyatt's the greatest.
She's gonna be alright.
Alright.
- Okay.
- Excellent cut.
There you are,
definitely cut, right?
Behind the back.
In less than 30 seconds, we put
the rope back together again.
Watch, One, two!
Three! Made it.
What are you laughing at?
You think that's
easy with arthritis?
Oh, that was great, Marvello.
But don't you do magic too?
There's a reason one illusion
that I've been working on
but I was saving it
for my opening in Vegas.
Ah, when you say "was" does
that mean you'll do it now, huh?
Well, it's, uh,
very extraordinary.
It's never been done
on any stage before.
Oh, come on.
You're not gonna, uh,
what, disappoint
30 highway patrolmen, are you?
Well, since you put it that way.
Do you have any milk?
Oh, milk? Yeah.
And, I'll need
a sheet of newspaper.
- Newspaper?
- There's some right there.
- Right here.
- Fine.
Eh, we'll form this into
a...what they call a cornucopia.
'There we are.'
Now, we-we might say that this
piece of paper is watertight.
Or should I say...milk-tight.
Watch! Would you mind
all stepping back?
- Yeah.
- Plenty of room.
It's a big act. There we go.
Watch!
Voila!
Watch everybody. Now watch!
You know this costs
30 bones in Vegas.