C.H.U.E.C.O. (2023–…): Season 1, Episode 9 - Código simio - full transcript

♪ Chueco ♪

"POSSESSED CHUECO"

Aren't you eating?

I'm not hungry today.

What's up? Are your fleas revolting?

Today would be
my dearest Uncle Giancarlo's birthday.

I didn't notice the date.

Kids, kisses to heaven. Gianca, I'm sorry.

It's the first birthday without him,
and I miss him.

I remember him walking
by his favorite place,

Mount Kilimanjaro,



with his silk robe open
and his golden G-string.

And humming in Italian.

♪ Buongiorno ♪

I want to be with Giancarlo again.
How do we do that?

Ahh! I know, I know!

I... I got it!

With an Ouija board, like in the movies.

The Ouija board is a pagan,
anti-scientific mechanism.

Oh, honey, he's afraid. He's afraid.

Afraid? That would be
irrational and immature.

Juan, your cell phone. Call Jaime.

There.

Hi? Jaime, would it be okay
to have a sleepover at your place tonight?

So, who votes to play the Ouija today?



I've been preparing for this for years.

Ta-da!

I cut out all the emojis.

We have a yes, a no,

a happy face and even a croissant.

Right, if I were a ghost,
I would need a croissant.

Congratulations, nice thinking, sis.

Okay, let's start.
Put your hands close to the glass.

Oh, spirits from the depths
of heaven and hell!

Is there anyone around willing to talk?

(gasps)

(mysterious music playing)

It said yes!

Huh? Gianca, is that you?

(all gasping)

MARTIN: There it goes again.

What's up, Uncle? How are you?

I don't think he likes this death thing.

Do you remember Delfi and Martin?

Hey, say hi to Uncle.

- Hi...?
- Hi, hi.

They're really great.

The youngest one isn't here.

He's as smart as if he'd eaten
the periodic table.

Now you tell us something.

What number's coming up in the lotto?

Have cars learned to fly?

Have dogs grown something, I don't know...

(stammering)

He muted him. How do we unmute him?

I think Uncle Gianca wants him to shut up.

No...

(all screaming)

(babbles)

(gibbers)

(in Giancarlo's voice)
Buongiorno! Sono io, Giancarlo!

Oh, I'm so glad you called.

I was about to celebrate my birthday
with Einstein and Pascal.

Albert Einstein is a little arrogant,
but it's all relative.

Capisce? It's scientific comedy.

(babbles)

(in Chueco's voice)
Gianca! Come on, give me a hug. Gianca...

I missed you.

Look, Gianca, look. This is the house.

(babbles)

(in Giancarlo's voice)
A little small, isn't it?

You deserve to live like a king, Chueco.

You're the king of the apes.

Of the talking apes!

(babbles)

(in Chueco's voice) Gianca,
I think it's fine, the house is nice.

(babbles)

(in Giancarlo's voice)
Nothing is more important than you.

You're the furry son I never had.

- Shh! Could you lower your voice?
- You're the...

If my dad wakes up, he'll be angry.

What? Are you having restrictions?

You're not a simple pet.

You're a miracle of science. My miracle!

And this family should listen to you,
respect you and answer,

"Yes, Chueco, at your service,"
24 hours a day.

Isn't that so?

I'm going to find out, excuse me.

(babbles)

(panting)

(in Chueco's voice) What a trip.

Once I ate a fermented banana,
and it felt the same.

How are you?

I don't know, but I don't have
Giancarlo inside anymore.

What? Where did he go?

(babbles)

(in Giancarlo's voice) Buongiorno!

Oh, no... Del?

No, sono io... Gianca, again. Ha!

Whoa, I've never had hair so long.

Me piace.

Gianca, come on, leave Delfi
and go back to your party.

Look, I think it's time for the cake.

Oh, relax.

I just want to get to know
this family better

to make sure they're
the company you deserve.

You're a rebel.

You're a rocker.

The typical teenager who joins all causes.

(in Delfina's voice)
I'm not typical at all!

(in Giancarlo's voice) You probably
keep your dolls somewhere

and sometimes play with them.

(in Delfina's voice) No, leave that!

Aww, this little guy
looks very anti-establishment.

(in Delfina's voice)
No, no, the thing is I...

collect figurines, that's it.

(in Giancarlo's voice) Come on, relax.

I just want to know
how you are with Chueco.

My Chuequito.

If you tell me, I set you free.

(in Delfina's voice) Uh, yes, well, I...

I think of Chueco as another sibling.

Considering my two biological brothers
also have some deficiencies.

I mean...

I love Chueco very much.

Mister... uncle?

(in Giancarlo's voice)
Perfect, that's enough. I'm gone!

Excuse me.

Ah!

What was that? What happened?

(in Delfina's voice)
He's gone. What a relief.

I felt itchy here,
as if I was to grow a beard.

That's great, I thought
this would never end.

(in Giancarlo's voice) Buongiorno!

(Chueco groans)

This is going to be a long night.

Ball.

Game consoles, soccer posters. Easy peasy.

This specimen lacks neurons in the brain.

(breathes deeply)

(in Martin's voice) No, that's not true.
That's a lie. It's not true what...

(in Giancarlo's voice) Then tell me,
what's the capital city of China?

(in Martin's voice) The capital of China?

Japan! Japan, isn't it? It's Japan...

(in Giancarlo's voice)
Very good, now tell me, six times eight?

(in Martin's voice) No, come on.
Come on, please.

You know I have phobia of pop quizzes.

(in Giancarlo's voice) Finally, tell me,
how do you get along with Chueco?

(in Martin's voice) With Chueco?

Well, Chueco is my mate for everything.

He's my best friend, like my brother.

We go
on all kind of adventures together and...

I think I'm happier
since he's living with us.

Aww.

(grunts)

(babbles)

(in Giancarlo's voice) Grazie a tutti.

I appreciate the love and affection
you're giving to my creation.

I was afraid I'd find despicable beings
who would mistreat him.

But no, luckily you're only a little dumb.

What's going on here?

You're being naughty again, Chueco?

I'm fed up. It's always something.

Shut up, and I want you
sleeping in five minutes.

Or you won't have breakfast, furry animal.

Ah...

(in Giancarlo's voice) And who is that?

That was Amanda.

Does she always treat you like that?

(babbles)

(in Chueco's voice)
No, not at all, Gianca.

Why don't you go back to your place?

Einstein must be waiting for you.

Time is relative, but not that much.

I promise next time I'll visit you,
if you want.

No, no, no.

No, no, no, on second thought, no.

It was nice seeing you, Gianca.

I send you... I send me...

Well, I send us kisses for everybody.
Yes, bye, bye.

(babbles)

What happened?

(in Chueco's voice) He left!

What? Just like that?

I don't have him. Do you, Martin?

I've stopped insulting myself,
so I don't think so.

I thought it'd be harder.

I couldn't even sing
happy birthday to Gianca.

Can I sing it to you?

We have to figure out
how to keep Amanda quiet

so Juan doesn't find out
what you made me do.

- What?
- "We" made you do?

It's a figure of speech, you know?

No, I know,

we can tidy our rooms
and make our beds for a few days

and that will convince her.

I don't know, I had a different idea.

We can threaten her!

JUAN: Hi! Good morning, family.

How nice, you're all here.
What were you talking about?

About... YouTubers.

I'm not in.

(in Giancarlo's voice) Buongiorno!

Buongiorno!

I don't know what that's about.
Coffee, please.

It can be small, big,

or the contradictory decaf coffee.

But go and pour it yourself,
you have legs.

What?

Oh, you're really pulling that accent off,
Amanda.

For a second, I thought
you were somebody else.

But no, no! Not at all.

How could you be somebody else?

That would be impossible.

It's you, the great Amanda. Right, guys?

Yes, what a great imitation.

Yes, great.

Why don't we go to the kitchen?

And you can show us
all the accents you can do.

And some scrambled eggs, too.

Okay, go, go.

And coffee for me, per favore.

Uncle, leave Amanda!

And... no.

I have a better idea.
Amanda can leave this house.

It's obvious she mistreats you

and doesn't deserve to live
with a wonderful being like you.

But, Aman... Uncle, that's not true.

I am a wonderful being, that's true.

Say arrivederci to Amanda.

- Arrivederci, Aman...
- Shh!

Amandita, I'm surprised
at how good you are at accents.

I can imitate Spaniards very well.

Listen. (clears throat)

Manuel, tío, you've eaten my cheese.

I haven't practiced it in a while.

And my coffee?

I want a raise, dude.

"Dude"?

Amanda, I gave you a raise last week.

That's a thing of the past.

You'll give me a raise every time I ask.

And I think I want to ask every week.

(laughing)

You're good at that accent, Amandita.
Awesome, great. Bravo!

Dad, this is...

A surprise joke for Fool's Day!

But today's isn't Fool's Day.

That's the surprise.

We'll be right back,
we'll prepare Christmas joke.

Yes!

But I was talking to that dude.

And you'll continue later.
Today you're awesome,

totally empowered, huh?

If I was able to make an ape talk,

I can have this woman kicked out.

I do like this, and she'll be fired.

I do like this... like this...

I could do it with my other body.
Death is awful!

Uncle, Amanda has been in the family
for a million years.

My dad will fire her over his dead body.

That's an idea...

- No!
- No, no.

He means my dad
couldn't run the house without her.

That's another idea.

To make Juan unable
to run the house with her.

- Excuse me!
- No!

- No, no.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no...

(both screaming)

Oh!

Please. I needed this so much.

Delicious.

I like it with sugar.

Look, Juancito...

roles are going to change.

We're going to flip the tortilla.

From now on, you'll take care
of the kids and the house,

and I'm going to read, rest
and pretend I play the piano, okay?

Pretend you play the piano?

Amanda, let's calm down a little,

because I don't understand
what's going on,

and I ask we have this chat
within certain logic.

I, Juan, am here to listen
to any work claim you have.

Well, I don't want to work any more.

That's a claim I can't attend to.

We have to run this house,
and I have a job, and that's not it.

That doesn't help our dynamic as a couple.

Amanda, you and I are not a couple.

Are you leaving me?

No! Or I am, but it's not you, it's me.

I don't know!
I don't know what's going on.

All you need to know

is that I like my coffee
with three spoons of sugar.

Andiamo, andiamo.

(in Amanda's voice) Juanito, don't do it.

Oh, Amanda...

(in Giancarlo's voice)
Who told you to stop?

Three spoons and a little cream.

To your place!

A credit card!

In movies, doors can be opened
with a credit card.

Chueco, we don't have a credit card.

- I don't even know what that is.
- Oh, God...

Martin, it's to pay for things.
It's like money.

Ah! I've got that.

What are we going to use that for?

Let me try.

(gasps)

(screams)

(groans)

Why did you let me try?

Kids, come here, look.

Come on, jump, it's easy. Come on.

Yeah, right, it's easy for you
because you're a chimp.

And you're a couple of chickens.

(imitates chicken clucking)

Okay, I'll do it.

- But ladies first.
- What?

Why are you going last?

It's simple.

To analyze the risks
and consequences of your attempts.

Ta-da! Coffee,
just like my Amandita asked for.

(in Giancarlo's voice)
Thank you. Though you took your time.

(in Amanda's voice) Oh, Juan. No, you...

Take this coffee.

You don't have to serve me. What's that?

- I don't know. Okay, I'll take it.
- Yes, take it.

(in Giancarlo's voice)
You won't contradict me!

(in Amanda's voice)
I'll contradict you all I want.

- (in Giancarlo's voice) Who?
- (in Amanda's voice) You.

(in Giancarlo's voice)
Me? Tell it to my face!

- (thuds)
- (shrieks)

JUAN: What happened?

We're okay!

- (in Giancarlo's voice) No.
- (in Amanda's voice) Yes.

(in Giancarlo's voice) No.

Why don't we give Amanda a day off?

No, I need to talk to her.
What's going on?

- You don't know who you're messing with.
- But I'm not...

(in Amanda's voice) You don't either.

(in Giancarlo's voice)
You're messing with me.

I know I'm not very perceptive,
but there's something weird going on here.

(doorbell dings)

Oh, no. I won't go.

Yes, you have to go. No, I can't...
Yes! I'm like Amanda.

- (sighs) Hello.
- Hello.

Oh, Patri, oh, Patri!

Is it a bad time?

(in Giancarlo's voice) The law is always
present, except when it's important.

I want to confess a crime.
Take me to prison.

You won't go to prison, Amanda.
Calm down. It's a joke.

What's that, Amanda?

I can't stop stealing money from Juan.

- Please, that's a lie.
- It's true.

- (in Amanda's voice) It's a lie.
- (in Giancarlo's voice) It's true.

This is very weird. Are you okay, Amanda?

I'm a kleptomaniac.
I can't stop stealing money.

And the only way to prevent it
is taking me to prison.

- Take me, ask for backup.
- Fine.

- (in Amanda's voice) Don't!
- (in Giancarlo's voice) Ask for it.

Amanda, what are you doing with my cell?

Let's calm down.

No, no. Easy.
Has she been like this for a while?

No, for a little, but it feels
like 427 years, Patri.

Calm down. Did you take anything, Amanda?

Well, only fun stuff. Ask for backup.

Oh, geez! My cell phone.

(in Amanda's voice) It wasn't me.

It really is a very weird case.

Do you need anything?

(in Giancarlo's voice)
Well... a life sentence.

- I can't.
- Half a sentence?

I can't do that either.

I don't know how to solve this case.

Make her some linden tea... with lemon.

Good luck, gorgeous!

Yeah, some tea
will probably solve everything, Patri.

Kids...! (shrieks)

I'm glad you're here.
You know I'm a responsible father.

But I can't handle this,
so you take care of it.

Take care of her, make her tea,
which solves everything,

and listen, watch your cell phones.

- Take care of it.
- Amanda...

It's more serious than I thought.
I'll call a doctor when I'm back.

- No!
- No, not a doctor.

We don't believe in doctors in the jungle.

If we have a problem,
we roll around in rhino drool.

- I'll take care of it.
- You won't,

and no rhino drool.

Please, you're in charge.

- Okay.
- I'm out of here.

Stare at this pendulum
and don't look away...

That's not a pendulum, it's my cell.

I'm from Argentina, and there, we make do.

Your eyelids feel very heavy.

And I don't believe in those...

You're asleep...

Can you hear me, Gianca?

- Yes...
- Yes?

You're on top of a ten-step staircase.

There's a door at the end.

Slowly, you go down and down.

Chueco, hurry,
my dad will be back any minute now.

The stairs become an escalator,
and you're there.

You open the door, and where are you?

Well, I have no idea.

Your favorite place, Mount Kilimanjaro.

Don't you feel the breeze? The breeze!

And the water... the water on your face.
There.

(blower whirring)

You love this place.

You have everything
you've ever dreamed of, wanted and needed.

There's even chips here, look.

Yeah! With onion and cheese.

I want to stay here forever.

I want to stay, in my G-string.

If it's absolutely necessary, that's fine.

Well, I loved you very much.
Arrivederci! Bye.

You stay there enjoying yourself.
Bye, Giancarlo.

Wait, Amanda doesn't have to stay there.

Amanda, go back to the door.

(in Amanda's voice)
What's this awful place full of bugs?

Amanda, open the door and leave.

Okay. There's a staircase.
What do I do, sweep it?

No, no. Go up! Come back to us!

I'm going to count to three.

I'm going to snap my fingers
and you'll wake up on the couch.

One, two, three...

I can't do it either.

(snaps)

(in Amanda's voice)
Kids, did you have breakfast?

Amanda! We missed you!

I never thought I'd say it,
but I missed you too, Amanda.

(in Giancarlo's voice)
Well... Chueco, I'll never forget you.

No, Giancarlo, no. Stop it, please.

Believe me, I'm happy here.

Everybody loves me.

Living here, I miss you a little less,

but I still miss you and love you.

And I would have loved
to tell you that more.

But I love you, and I tell it to you now.

I love you, Gianca!

And I love you.

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, Giancarlo ♪

(kisses) ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

(in Giancarlo's voice) Well, Chueco,

I'm leaving because Einstein and Marilyn
want to celebrate my birthday.

(chuckles)

Goodbye, arrivederci.

(shrieks)

What's going on here?

Amanda, are you okay?

Oh, gross!

We gave her the tea you suggested.

- Yes.
- JUAN: Okay. Okay, okay.

And why do you have a fish tank?

I was thirsty.

- Here's your juice.
- (cheering)

Hey, Amanda, do you think you could
not tell my dad what happened?

Maybe. Only if you make your bed
and tidy your room for a week.

And mine too.

What are you talking about?

What happened?

Nothing important.

We can forget
this awful weekend forever now.

(in Giancarlo's voice) Buongiorno!

(all gasp)

♪ Chueco ♪

(theme music playing)