C.H.U.E.C.O. (2023–…): Season 1, Episode 8 - Sopa de macaco - full transcript
After a check-up, the vet advises Juan to feed Chueco special canned food for chimpanzees. But he doesn't like this and is not willing to change his diet so he mixes the contents of the cans with Juan's food. But the ape food turns out to have an unexpected side effect on humans.... hair growth.
♪ Chueco ♪
"CHUECO, THE ALIEN"
Martín, stop pretending to study
and clear the table. Dinner is ready.
Oh, and, chimp...
According to the chore chart,
it's your turn to set the table.
And I'm not in the mood to argue.
Are you ever in a good mood?
When I don't see your furry face,
I'm in ecstasy.
What a coincidence. I feel the same way.
Then you set the table.
I wouldn't play so hard, Chuequito.
Yes, chimp. Who knows, you may find
two spoonfuls of laxative in your meal.
Well, think about it.
You're the one who cleans, Amandita.
Where's the remote?
Were you looking for this?
Oh, I don't need it.
What are you doing? No!
What did you do?
I cut off your umbilical cord.
And maybe, if you set the table quickly,
I could let you watch
the end of your show.
(grunting)
As if it's hard to plug a cable back in.
(vocalizing)
It's a piece of cake. Let's see.
This goes here...
There.
(grunts)
DELFINA: There's no Internet!
MARTIN: No, my game was cut off!
VICENTE: This is a catastrophe!
What did you do?
It was all Amanda's fault!
Uh-huh.
DELFINA, MARTIN, VICENTE: Uh-huh.
-Uh-huh.
-DELFINA, MARTIN, VICENTE: Uh-huh.
-No.
-No.
-No.
-No!
Oh. Okay.
Okay, thank you.
So?
They're sending a technician.
Great! I'll be able to finish my thesis.
In ten days.
Ten days without Internet and TV?
Copa América starts tomorrow.
I have to deliver my draft.
Now you really did it, chimp.
Hey, wait. Are you telling me
you're all addicted to technology?
Come on.
It's not funny, Chueco.
I have to study all day! I've got exams.
Come on, Martín.
You're still holding your joystick.
I'm going to Jaime's to study.
The situation here is unbearable.
And I'm going to Alberto's.
Dad, Ema says I can stay with her.
-Wait. I'll take you. Hold on.
-I'm going with you.
Where?
Anywhere. Far from this horrible chimp.
(chuckles)
No Internet and alone. Be strong, chimp.
I'm going.
At least tell me
where you left the whisky.
Two more days and we'll have Wi-Fi back.
I can't even remember its smell.
You look a little desperate, huh?
Argentina and Mexico are playing today,
and I'm going to miss it.
If you can keep a secret,
I may have a solution.
A secret? Secret is my middle name.
Okay.
This afternoon, I'm going to watch TV
at Patricia's place.
-Our neighbor Patricia?
-Yes.
I go there every afternoon,
through the bathroom window.
Chueco, Patricia is a police officer.
She works in the afternoon.
And she has a surround-sound system
that is amazing.
I'm bringing nachos.
Nachos?
No! Listen, Chueco.
If my dad finds out,
I'll be grounded until I'm 40.
Okay. Somebody got the...
(imitates chicken clucking)
...gene from his dad. Chicken.
The game starts at six.
I'll be there five minutes before.
(scat singing)
What's going on? Help!
Now!
(Chueco chattering)
You can screech all you want, monkey.
Nobody will hear you here.
Guillermo, if you talk that fast,
it won't understand.
Right, you're right.
How would you talk to it
so it understands you?
(Chueco chattering)
No screech. Nobody hear.
-Now it understood.
-It's a monkey, David! A monkey.
It won't understand
no matter how you talk to it.
Are you studying, Martín?
Now he'll hear me.
I won't allow this anymore. Chueco!
What happened, Dad?
That furball with legs. That... that...
Lying bag of fleas?
Yes!
Long-fingered demon?
And anything else you can think of!
He used my credit card again.
-Chueco!
-Where is he? Why isn't he answering?
I studied too much.
I'm going to take a nap.
Wait. Hold on.
Martín, you know where he is.
Martín...
No, why would I...? I think...
He went upstairs to study for his exams!
Study?
No. Tell us where he is, liar. You know.
I won't talk without an attorney!
The police could take him for stealing
the neighbors' packages.
Martín, there's a neighbor alert.
They say the thief
is furry and with a funny face.
Please, talk.
This is unacceptable!
How did you break into Patricia's?
I swear you'll be three months
without TV and... without whisky!
Chueco, show up now.
We're having a talk, man to man.
Hands up!
(shrieks)
Juan! Why are you yelling at the plants?
Patricia, please,
lower the pruning shears. Lower them.
Sorry, I thought you worked
in the afternoon.
I took the day off.
How do you know my schedule?
Why were you looking for Chueco
in my garden?
Patricia, I'm sorry.
It's awkward, but, well,
I have a tip that Chueco has been sneaking
into your house all this week.
No, really?
Yes, Martín told me he snuck in through
the bathroom window to watch TV.
Juan, don't be so gullible.
It's obvious Martín made that up
to mess with you. Wise up!
I've been home all day,
and I haven't seen Chueco anywhere.
Are you sure?
Of course. If it helps you,
we can check my security camera footage
and you'll see.
I installed security cameras
to catch the thief
that's been stealing packages for months.
That's great. Have you discovered
any relevant info yet? Any familiar face?
Not yet, but when I catch him...
Oh, no!
I swear I tell him not to take them.
-No, Juan, look!
-What?
Chueco has been kidnapped.
What?
(cell phone chimes)
Yes!
The doctor has transferred half the money.
Great!
Guillermo, give me four.
David, I was thinking. You know, think.
That thing you only do in leap years.
What?
Never mind. The thing is I thought
if the doctor was so quick
to accept paying triple,
maybe the monkey's family
could pay a ransom, too.
Too bad you didn't think
about the ransom earlier.
Why?
What do you mean?
The doctor has paid half,
you can't ask for a ransom now.
You know what, champ?
After all these years,
your mind still amazes me.
My mother always says that.
Okay. I'll go out for a while.
Where are you going?
To leave a ransom note
with the monkey's family.
You stay here.
Watch it and think about the riddle.
If you haven't figured it out
when I come back,
I'll explain it to you.
Okay, got it.
Fine. Don't take it out of the cage.
No matter what, okay?
-And if it gets sick?
-It won't get sick.
And if it screeches because it's bored
and wants to play?
David!
Guillermo.
Are you thinking about taking it out
to play with it?
Only if I was really bored.
Look, that monkey is a wild animal.
And it's four times stronger than you.
You can't take it out.
Under no circumstance. Got it?
-And if it gets sad because...?
-Nothing will happen, David! Nothing.
And if the monkey bothers you,
you shoot it with a tranquilizer dart!
I'll go before I kill you or die.
One of those two.
You make me nervous.
(sighs)
Always with "you make me nervous."
Hey, is Guillermo your boss?
No, he's my cousin.
But he's always been bossy.
Easy, you almost fell out of your chair.
Don't be afraid.
What? You're... you... you're...
Yes, I'm talking, yes.
Hey, put that down! What are you doing?
Guillermo was clear: "If the monkey
bothers you, shoot it with the dart."
No. Guillermo said,
"If the monkey bothers you, shoot it."
But monkeys don't talk.
Are you following me?
No.
In conclusion, I'm not a monkey.
And you don't have to shoot me.
And what are you?
Isn't it obvious I'm an alien?
From planet Furby in the Andromeda galaxy?
And what are you doing here?
You tell me, you brought me here!
I don't mean in the cage, I mean on Earth.
What are you doing on Earth?
Yeah, that. Well, it's...
it's part of the tour.
The tour?
Yes, the tour with the travel agency,
you know?
One month on Earth,
living with the natives. Earth is great.
Really nice! It's my first time here.
I'm glad I paid the contingency fee,
you know?
(Chueco chuckles)
The what?
The con... the insurance! You know,
if something unexpected happens...
Like, I don't know, being kidnapped,
they send a rescue team. Yeah.
A rescue team?
Yeah.
They must be on their way now.
A shame. They'll have to liquefy
your brain. What a pity.
What?
Yes, there can be no witnesses
as to the existence of aliens.
If the rumor spreads,
our touristic spot is ruined.
I'll call the police so they file
the kidnapping report, I mean, theft.
As it is an exotic animal, we need...
Patricia, sorry to interrupt you.
Is there any chance to rescue Chueco
without police, without protocol?
Sorry. Why? Don't you own Chueco legally?
Of course we do, we have
papers everywhere. But...
-But what?
-But what?
I need a grown-up meeting.
We need to tell Patricia Chueco can talk.
No way, she'll think
we need to be in straitjackets.
She's known us forever,
she won't think we're crazy.
She is a little crazy, too, right?
But let's think.
If Patricia tells the police
and other officers find Chueco,
do you think there is any chance
Chueco will stay quiet?
You're great! You're my heroes.
Hey, would you mind
stopping by a taco joint on our way home?
No!
You're right. If another police officer
grabs Chueco, he'll be in the news.
No. Hands.
It's decided.
What do you mean he can talk?
What is that supposed to mean?
That he can communicate
using a structured system
with certain principles
of formal combination.
What the what?
No, it's out of our reach. Thank you, son.
My uncle performed an intervention
in Chueco's brain that lets him talk.
So he doesn't ever shut up.
I don't believe it. I almost fell for it.
You're making fun of law enforcement.
-Dad!
-What?
Look what I found...
"If you want to see the monkey again,
gather 10,000 dollars in 24 hours."
Amanda?
My... my eyes are sweating.
That's called crying.
How could I cry
over that insufferable beast?
No, they're tears of joy
that he won't be coming back.
And if they dare touch him,
you'll know me!
Oh, Chuequito.
I don't want to have my brain liquefied.
Don't worry.
You won't even notice the difference.
But we didn't know. We really thought
you were just a monkey.
Anyway, if I told my people...
No, forget it.
If you told them what?
I can tell them
the galaxy-beeper messed up.
The what?
Yeah, a chip I have in my ear.
If I'm not where I'm supposed to be,
it sends a signal.
-But if I tell them it was a mistake...
-Yeah, tell them that.
They'll see me in this cage
and they'll know.
No, we'll get you out. I'll get you out.
And how do I explain I'm so far
from the tour? Maybe you can call a taxi.
A taxi for what?
So you take me to the moon,
what do you think?
Was the moon part of the tour?
What are you doing?
I told you to leave the monkey
in the cage. You're a fool!
No, Guillermo, it's not a monkey.
It's an alien.
Come on, tell him.
(chattering)
Come on, tell him what you told me.
I swear on God's name, on Grandma's,
that he was talking just a moment ago.
Yes? I swear, if it wasn't
because Grandma begged me
to teach you a trade,
I wouldn't allow you to work.
-No, but... I swe...
-Hey, okay.
That's it, David, that's it.
I'll go get something to eat. Try to spend
half an hour without being a fool.
Excuse me. I'll take this
or you'll open the cage and you know...
Your friend is really not cool.
So now you talk.
Why didn't you talk to Guillermo?
You made me look like a fool.
I did talk. I said, "Earthling,
set me free or we'll liquefy you."
You didn't say that. You said,
I remember, you said...
(imitates monkey chattering)
That's because only people with
higher intelligence can understand aliens.
So, if you understand me when I talk,
what kind of creature are you?
One with higher intelligence?
Right! You're a genius, dude!
I've always known I was smarter
than Guillermo, but he and Grandma...
Forget it. Look, I have a plan.
Thank you, chief.
So?
It turns out these kidnappers
aren't very bright.
A David Cabezas rented the van
they used to take Chueco.
They have records. They're dangerous.
One gave his parole officer
the address of a warehouse
where he works with his cousin.
Okay. Everything would point
to Chueco being in that warehouse.
It'd be the first place I'd go looking.
-Okay.
-Do you want me to send a police car?
Agent, can we turn on the siren?
(both screaming)
No.
The best option would be
to find him ourselves.
Fine, let's go then. Go! Come on.
Chueco needs to see somebody he trusts.
-Okay.
-Don't freak out.
You're with Agent Patricia.
If things get ugly,
we'll call for back-up, don't worry.
No, but when things get ugly how?
Define "ugly"?
Dad! Do you want me to go?
-If she wants to go, I won't say no.
-Juan!
No! How could you go? No, I'll go.
But when I calm down. Fan me,
I don't know what's going on.
By the time your panic attack ends,
Chueco will be on another continent.
Well...
I'll go!
I think that's a great idea.
Amanda, listen. I'm the children's father.
If something happens to me,
they'll be alone. But if you die...
-Dad!
-What?
Shut up and give me your phone
because mine is dead.
-Please.
-How loud.
-A little.
-Come on, girls!
Find Chueco! You can do it!
(David laughing)
You make my tummy ache, Chueco...
What are you doing?
We're telling jokes.
What are you laughing at?
Chueco said... I won't tell you,
you'll be offended.
Just what I needed,
your last two neurons melted.
Grandma will be really happy.
(chattering)
No, but he wetted his bed until he was 12.
Why did you tell him that, David?
What's the big deal? Didn't you say
he doesn't understand?
That's it, David, that's it!
-Hey, what's up?
-What's up?
I'm sick of being laughed at.
We're not laughing at you,
we're laughing at your face.
David! It got the key, David!
What are you doing?
The monkey is running away!
-That's the idea.
-David, let go!
Run, Chueco, run!
Freeze!
See? I told you he could talk.
So you wetted your bed until you were 12?
Maybe it was a flow problem.
Did you check with your accountant?
(laughs)
What? You didn't like the joke? Take this!
This tranquilizer dart didn't work.
It didn't work, it didn't work,
it's working, David, it's...
Did you see that?
Like a special agent.
I just needed a tuxedo.
-Now you have to take me with you.
-Excuse me?
You have to take me.
When Guillermo wakes up, he'll kill me.
Okay, I'll ask my people.
Give me a cell phone.
Hello? Juan, it's Chueco.
No, chimp, it's me, your worst nightmare.
Amandita, I'm so distressed
that I'm glad to hear you.
Where are you calling from?
We're in... Where are we?
The industrial area,
by the Peaches square.
-CHUECO: Did you get that?
-Yes. Patricia and I are on our way.
Perfect! They sell
the best quesadillas at that square.
See you there.
Chueco! Stay where you are.
We're almost there. We're close.
See you at the stands!
-He hung up on me.
-Who?
The chimp, Chueco.
I'm tempted to turn around
and take you to the loony bin.
-No. Stop! It's here.
-(car screeches)
Go!
The area is clear.
I saw.
Freeze, nobody move.
I don't think they can, Pato.
Here's the two kidnappers
all wrapped up for you.
No, you won't believe it.
I said, "You know what?
I won't tell any more jokes."
Bam! And I sent them to sleep.
Chueco!
Pato, are you okay?
Yes. I can't get used to Chueco talking.
It's a miracle.
After a few hours,
you'll think it's a curse.
Hey, Amandita, you're tough.
I was told you even cried over me.
Of course I didn't.
I wept for joy that I wouldn't have
to see you again, filthy chimp.
I told the kidnappers
there was a more interesting ape
than me at the house.
They looked you up online,
and they took it back.
No. Let there be peace. Stop it.
In the end, Chueco came back home, kids.
(ominous music plays)
Keep laughing, Gustozzis.
You got away this time.
Next time, you won't.
(laughs)
♪ Chueco ♪
Translated by: Ianina Antonetti
"CHUECO, THE ALIEN"
Martín, stop pretending to study
and clear the table. Dinner is ready.
Oh, and, chimp...
According to the chore chart,
it's your turn to set the table.
And I'm not in the mood to argue.
Are you ever in a good mood?
When I don't see your furry face,
I'm in ecstasy.
What a coincidence. I feel the same way.
Then you set the table.
I wouldn't play so hard, Chuequito.
Yes, chimp. Who knows, you may find
two spoonfuls of laxative in your meal.
Well, think about it.
You're the one who cleans, Amandita.
Where's the remote?
Were you looking for this?
Oh, I don't need it.
What are you doing? No!
What did you do?
I cut off your umbilical cord.
And maybe, if you set the table quickly,
I could let you watch
the end of your show.
(grunting)
As if it's hard to plug a cable back in.
(vocalizing)
It's a piece of cake. Let's see.
This goes here...
There.
(grunts)
DELFINA: There's no Internet!
MARTIN: No, my game was cut off!
VICENTE: This is a catastrophe!
What did you do?
It was all Amanda's fault!
Uh-huh.
DELFINA, MARTIN, VICENTE: Uh-huh.
-Uh-huh.
-DELFINA, MARTIN, VICENTE: Uh-huh.
-No.
-No.
-No.
-No!
Oh. Okay.
Okay, thank you.
So?
They're sending a technician.
Great! I'll be able to finish my thesis.
In ten days.
Ten days without Internet and TV?
Copa América starts tomorrow.
I have to deliver my draft.
Now you really did it, chimp.
Hey, wait. Are you telling me
you're all addicted to technology?
Come on.
It's not funny, Chueco.
I have to study all day! I've got exams.
Come on, Martín.
You're still holding your joystick.
I'm going to Jaime's to study.
The situation here is unbearable.
And I'm going to Alberto's.
Dad, Ema says I can stay with her.
-Wait. I'll take you. Hold on.
-I'm going with you.
Where?
Anywhere. Far from this horrible chimp.
(chuckles)
No Internet and alone. Be strong, chimp.
I'm going.
At least tell me
where you left the whisky.
Two more days and we'll have Wi-Fi back.
I can't even remember its smell.
You look a little desperate, huh?
Argentina and Mexico are playing today,
and I'm going to miss it.
If you can keep a secret,
I may have a solution.
A secret? Secret is my middle name.
Okay.
This afternoon, I'm going to watch TV
at Patricia's place.
-Our neighbor Patricia?
-Yes.
I go there every afternoon,
through the bathroom window.
Chueco, Patricia is a police officer.
She works in the afternoon.
And she has a surround-sound system
that is amazing.
I'm bringing nachos.
Nachos?
No! Listen, Chueco.
If my dad finds out,
I'll be grounded until I'm 40.
Okay. Somebody got the...
(imitates chicken clucking)
...gene from his dad. Chicken.
The game starts at six.
I'll be there five minutes before.
(scat singing)
What's going on? Help!
Now!
(Chueco chattering)
You can screech all you want, monkey.
Nobody will hear you here.
Guillermo, if you talk that fast,
it won't understand.
Right, you're right.
How would you talk to it
so it understands you?
(Chueco chattering)
No screech. Nobody hear.
-Now it understood.
-It's a monkey, David! A monkey.
It won't understand
no matter how you talk to it.
Are you studying, Martín?
Now he'll hear me.
I won't allow this anymore. Chueco!
What happened, Dad?
That furball with legs. That... that...
Lying bag of fleas?
Yes!
Long-fingered demon?
And anything else you can think of!
He used my credit card again.
-Chueco!
-Where is he? Why isn't he answering?
I studied too much.
I'm going to take a nap.
Wait. Hold on.
Martín, you know where he is.
Martín...
No, why would I...? I think...
He went upstairs to study for his exams!
Study?
No. Tell us where he is, liar. You know.
I won't talk without an attorney!
The police could take him for stealing
the neighbors' packages.
Martín, there's a neighbor alert.
They say the thief
is furry and with a funny face.
Please, talk.
This is unacceptable!
How did you break into Patricia's?
I swear you'll be three months
without TV and... without whisky!
Chueco, show up now.
We're having a talk, man to man.
Hands up!
(shrieks)
Juan! Why are you yelling at the plants?
Patricia, please,
lower the pruning shears. Lower them.
Sorry, I thought you worked
in the afternoon.
I took the day off.
How do you know my schedule?
Why were you looking for Chueco
in my garden?
Patricia, I'm sorry.
It's awkward, but, well,
I have a tip that Chueco has been sneaking
into your house all this week.
No, really?
Yes, Martín told me he snuck in through
the bathroom window to watch TV.
Juan, don't be so gullible.
It's obvious Martín made that up
to mess with you. Wise up!
I've been home all day,
and I haven't seen Chueco anywhere.
Are you sure?
Of course. If it helps you,
we can check my security camera footage
and you'll see.
I installed security cameras
to catch the thief
that's been stealing packages for months.
That's great. Have you discovered
any relevant info yet? Any familiar face?
Not yet, but when I catch him...
Oh, no!
I swear I tell him not to take them.
-No, Juan, look!
-What?
Chueco has been kidnapped.
What?
(cell phone chimes)
Yes!
The doctor has transferred half the money.
Great!
Guillermo, give me four.
David, I was thinking. You know, think.
That thing you only do in leap years.
What?
Never mind. The thing is I thought
if the doctor was so quick
to accept paying triple,
maybe the monkey's family
could pay a ransom, too.
Too bad you didn't think
about the ransom earlier.
Why?
What do you mean?
The doctor has paid half,
you can't ask for a ransom now.
You know what, champ?
After all these years,
your mind still amazes me.
My mother always says that.
Okay. I'll go out for a while.
Where are you going?
To leave a ransom note
with the monkey's family.
You stay here.
Watch it and think about the riddle.
If you haven't figured it out
when I come back,
I'll explain it to you.
Okay, got it.
Fine. Don't take it out of the cage.
No matter what, okay?
-And if it gets sick?
-It won't get sick.
And if it screeches because it's bored
and wants to play?
David!
Guillermo.
Are you thinking about taking it out
to play with it?
Only if I was really bored.
Look, that monkey is a wild animal.
And it's four times stronger than you.
You can't take it out.
Under no circumstance. Got it?
-And if it gets sad because...?
-Nothing will happen, David! Nothing.
And if the monkey bothers you,
you shoot it with a tranquilizer dart!
I'll go before I kill you or die.
One of those two.
You make me nervous.
(sighs)
Always with "you make me nervous."
Hey, is Guillermo your boss?
No, he's my cousin.
But he's always been bossy.
Easy, you almost fell out of your chair.
Don't be afraid.
What? You're... you... you're...
Yes, I'm talking, yes.
Hey, put that down! What are you doing?
Guillermo was clear: "If the monkey
bothers you, shoot it with the dart."
No. Guillermo said,
"If the monkey bothers you, shoot it."
But monkeys don't talk.
Are you following me?
No.
In conclusion, I'm not a monkey.
And you don't have to shoot me.
And what are you?
Isn't it obvious I'm an alien?
From planet Furby in the Andromeda galaxy?
And what are you doing here?
You tell me, you brought me here!
I don't mean in the cage, I mean on Earth.
What are you doing on Earth?
Yeah, that. Well, it's...
it's part of the tour.
The tour?
Yes, the tour with the travel agency,
you know?
One month on Earth,
living with the natives. Earth is great.
Really nice! It's my first time here.
I'm glad I paid the contingency fee,
you know?
(Chueco chuckles)
The what?
The con... the insurance! You know,
if something unexpected happens...
Like, I don't know, being kidnapped,
they send a rescue team. Yeah.
A rescue team?
Yeah.
They must be on their way now.
A shame. They'll have to liquefy
your brain. What a pity.
What?
Yes, there can be no witnesses
as to the existence of aliens.
If the rumor spreads,
our touristic spot is ruined.
I'll call the police so they file
the kidnapping report, I mean, theft.
As it is an exotic animal, we need...
Patricia, sorry to interrupt you.
Is there any chance to rescue Chueco
without police, without protocol?
Sorry. Why? Don't you own Chueco legally?
Of course we do, we have
papers everywhere. But...
-But what?
-But what?
I need a grown-up meeting.
We need to tell Patricia Chueco can talk.
No way, she'll think
we need to be in straitjackets.
She's known us forever,
she won't think we're crazy.
She is a little crazy, too, right?
But let's think.
If Patricia tells the police
and other officers find Chueco,
do you think there is any chance
Chueco will stay quiet?
You're great! You're my heroes.
Hey, would you mind
stopping by a taco joint on our way home?
No!
You're right. If another police officer
grabs Chueco, he'll be in the news.
No. Hands.
It's decided.
What do you mean he can talk?
What is that supposed to mean?
That he can communicate
using a structured system
with certain principles
of formal combination.
What the what?
No, it's out of our reach. Thank you, son.
My uncle performed an intervention
in Chueco's brain that lets him talk.
So he doesn't ever shut up.
I don't believe it. I almost fell for it.
You're making fun of law enforcement.
-Dad!
-What?
Look what I found...
"If you want to see the monkey again,
gather 10,000 dollars in 24 hours."
Amanda?
My... my eyes are sweating.
That's called crying.
How could I cry
over that insufferable beast?
No, they're tears of joy
that he won't be coming back.
And if they dare touch him,
you'll know me!
Oh, Chuequito.
I don't want to have my brain liquefied.
Don't worry.
You won't even notice the difference.
But we didn't know. We really thought
you were just a monkey.
Anyway, if I told my people...
No, forget it.
If you told them what?
I can tell them
the galaxy-beeper messed up.
The what?
Yeah, a chip I have in my ear.
If I'm not where I'm supposed to be,
it sends a signal.
-But if I tell them it was a mistake...
-Yeah, tell them that.
They'll see me in this cage
and they'll know.
No, we'll get you out. I'll get you out.
And how do I explain I'm so far
from the tour? Maybe you can call a taxi.
A taxi for what?
So you take me to the moon,
what do you think?
Was the moon part of the tour?
What are you doing?
I told you to leave the monkey
in the cage. You're a fool!
No, Guillermo, it's not a monkey.
It's an alien.
Come on, tell him.
(chattering)
Come on, tell him what you told me.
I swear on God's name, on Grandma's,
that he was talking just a moment ago.
Yes? I swear, if it wasn't
because Grandma begged me
to teach you a trade,
I wouldn't allow you to work.
-No, but... I swe...
-Hey, okay.
That's it, David, that's it.
I'll go get something to eat. Try to spend
half an hour without being a fool.
Excuse me. I'll take this
or you'll open the cage and you know...
Your friend is really not cool.
So now you talk.
Why didn't you talk to Guillermo?
You made me look like a fool.
I did talk. I said, "Earthling,
set me free or we'll liquefy you."
You didn't say that. You said,
I remember, you said...
(imitates monkey chattering)
That's because only people with
higher intelligence can understand aliens.
So, if you understand me when I talk,
what kind of creature are you?
One with higher intelligence?
Right! You're a genius, dude!
I've always known I was smarter
than Guillermo, but he and Grandma...
Forget it. Look, I have a plan.
Thank you, chief.
So?
It turns out these kidnappers
aren't very bright.
A David Cabezas rented the van
they used to take Chueco.
They have records. They're dangerous.
One gave his parole officer
the address of a warehouse
where he works with his cousin.
Okay. Everything would point
to Chueco being in that warehouse.
It'd be the first place I'd go looking.
-Okay.
-Do you want me to send a police car?
Agent, can we turn on the siren?
(both screaming)
No.
The best option would be
to find him ourselves.
Fine, let's go then. Go! Come on.
Chueco needs to see somebody he trusts.
-Okay.
-Don't freak out.
You're with Agent Patricia.
If things get ugly,
we'll call for back-up, don't worry.
No, but when things get ugly how?
Define "ugly"?
Dad! Do you want me to go?
-If she wants to go, I won't say no.
-Juan!
No! How could you go? No, I'll go.
But when I calm down. Fan me,
I don't know what's going on.
By the time your panic attack ends,
Chueco will be on another continent.
Well...
I'll go!
I think that's a great idea.
Amanda, listen. I'm the children's father.
If something happens to me,
they'll be alone. But if you die...
-Dad!
-What?
Shut up and give me your phone
because mine is dead.
-Please.
-How loud.
-A little.
-Come on, girls!
Find Chueco! You can do it!
(David laughing)
You make my tummy ache, Chueco...
What are you doing?
We're telling jokes.
What are you laughing at?
Chueco said... I won't tell you,
you'll be offended.
Just what I needed,
your last two neurons melted.
Grandma will be really happy.
(chattering)
No, but he wetted his bed until he was 12.
Why did you tell him that, David?
What's the big deal? Didn't you say
he doesn't understand?
That's it, David, that's it!
-Hey, what's up?
-What's up?
I'm sick of being laughed at.
We're not laughing at you,
we're laughing at your face.
David! It got the key, David!
What are you doing?
The monkey is running away!
-That's the idea.
-David, let go!
Run, Chueco, run!
Freeze!
See? I told you he could talk.
So you wetted your bed until you were 12?
Maybe it was a flow problem.
Did you check with your accountant?
(laughs)
What? You didn't like the joke? Take this!
This tranquilizer dart didn't work.
It didn't work, it didn't work,
it's working, David, it's...
Did you see that?
Like a special agent.
I just needed a tuxedo.
-Now you have to take me with you.
-Excuse me?
You have to take me.
When Guillermo wakes up, he'll kill me.
Okay, I'll ask my people.
Give me a cell phone.
Hello? Juan, it's Chueco.
No, chimp, it's me, your worst nightmare.
Amandita, I'm so distressed
that I'm glad to hear you.
Where are you calling from?
We're in... Where are we?
The industrial area,
by the Peaches square.
-CHUECO: Did you get that?
-Yes. Patricia and I are on our way.
Perfect! They sell
the best quesadillas at that square.
See you there.
Chueco! Stay where you are.
We're almost there. We're close.
See you at the stands!
-He hung up on me.
-Who?
The chimp, Chueco.
I'm tempted to turn around
and take you to the loony bin.
-No. Stop! It's here.
-(car screeches)
Go!
The area is clear.
I saw.
Freeze, nobody move.
I don't think they can, Pato.
Here's the two kidnappers
all wrapped up for you.
No, you won't believe it.
I said, "You know what?
I won't tell any more jokes."
Bam! And I sent them to sleep.
Chueco!
Pato, are you okay?
Yes. I can't get used to Chueco talking.
It's a miracle.
After a few hours,
you'll think it's a curse.
Hey, Amandita, you're tough.
I was told you even cried over me.
Of course I didn't.
I wept for joy that I wouldn't have
to see you again, filthy chimp.
I told the kidnappers
there was a more interesting ape
than me at the house.
They looked you up online,
and they took it back.
No. Let there be peace. Stop it.
In the end, Chueco came back home, kids.
(ominous music plays)
Keep laughing, Gustozzis.
You got away this time.
Next time, you won't.
(laughs)
♪ Chueco ♪
Translated by: Ianina Antonetti