C.H.U.E.C.O. (2023–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - San Valentín - full transcript

♪ Chueco ♪

(theme music plays)

"CHUECO'S ACES"

Yes, gentlemen, here's the chosen one.

What a delight. My candles?
Are they all there?

Jasmine. Jasmine two. An empty candle.

Chueco, were you hungry?

Juancito, you're getting ready
for another exciting Friday night, huh?

Each member of this household has a plan.

I set it all up.
I've got my sofa, the TV is off.

There's silence, solitude,



a book, a trip, the piano.

Yes, I'm stressing just listening to you.

-♪ We're leaving ♪
-♪ We're leaving ♪

Music to my ears, bye.

I'm leaving. I left food in the fridge.

Amandita, do you have plans for tonight?

Yes, I have an ax-throwing tournament
with the girls.

Huh?

I'd love it if you went so I had
a moving, furry, and talking target.

Okay, okay, okay.

(door opens, then shuts)

Are we alone? Yes! The night is ours.

Oh, yeah, how fun!

Juancito, you're going
to kill me with boredom.



I need some action.
I'm rotting, locked up in here.

Please, let's do something fun.

Easy, Chueco.

Calm is underrated in the world.

It was very different with Giancarlo.

The world was an adventure.

Fun! Excitement!

Listen, do you have friends?

You.

Before I came along,
you didn't have anybody?

Yes, of course, Chueco... There was...

Um... no.

Listen. Do you know
how we're going to tell when you die?

How?

From the smell coming
from underneath your bedroom door.

(unsettling music plays)

Chueco, how terrible!

(doorbell dings)

Who dares interrupt my quiet Friday?

Who is it?

-What's up, neighbor? How is it going?
-Gus, how are you? Fine.

Listen, do you have an ice tray
you could lend me?

It's not a tray,
it makes parallelepiped shapes.

-I just need to chill whisky.
-Okay, okay.

I've got some friends
coming to play poker.

-And whisky flows like gas!
-Yes.

(chattering)

What's up with him? You haven't fed him?

He's had a weird day.

Give me a sec and I'll get it for you.

Thank you.

No, look at this antiquity.

Watch this, watch this. (exclaims)

Wise up, Juan!

Wise up how?

Poker. It's a guys' game.

Though you're rather...

(imitates chicken clucking)

You're calling me a chicken, aren't you?

Why is poker so important for you?

It brings back memories, you know?

Me, Giancarlo, Las Vegas...

(upbeat music playing)

I'll tell you something
in case I wasn't clear.

If Juan Gustozzi says
there'll be no poker at his house...

-Mm-hmm?
-...there will be no poker at his house.

(Chueco humming)

-Hmm?
-Ah!

Does this guy have to be in here?

He's making me nervous.

No, no, easy, easy.
Chueco, stop it, stop it.

(laughter)

The other day I was watching
Demon Truck races.

I go, and I raise.

How cool, man.

You should have seen those beasts.

All that universe
makes me feel in ecstasy.

(shrieks)

I see.

I go and I raise.

Do you like cars?

You should check out
my new convertible, man.

Technically, what does it convert to?

A wiener dog!

(both laughing)

A wiener dog!

Your turn, wiener dog.

Uh, I'm not going.

(chatters)

Chueco!

You would have won.

You look like a rookie.

I'm just getting my engine ready. Vroom.

-(chattering)
-The furry dude is hungry.

-And we're thirsty.
-JUAN: Yes.

Don't you have some beers?

Yes, I'll go get something.

I'll go into convertible mode
with my horsepower and I'll go.

(Juan chuckles)

-I'm going. Oh, God.
-Yes, yes.

I wanted to be in my pajamas.
I've never drunk a beer in my life.

Don't get into conversations
you know nothing about.

A convertible is a car with no roof.

-Really?
-This game

consists of finding the most gullible one,

and turning him into a piñata
to clean him out.

And you're the candidate, Juancito.

I go, and I add 100.

-I'm not going.
-No, no way.

Are you hypnotizing me?

You're bluffing. You're bluffing.

If you're so sure, you'll go then, right?

No way, sir. No way. Show me.

You would have won.

You fell again.

-Did you learn how to play in kinder?
-Kinder!

JUAN, GUSTAVO, RASPA: Ahh!

I'll go get some beers and...

And let's call it a night, please.

Who are those baboons?
They were eating me up with their eyes.

The little gentleman here will tell you.

Hey, did you get pastrami?

RASPA: Rookie, we're waiting for you.

They definitively
don't respect you, Juancito.

It's what we street philosophers call...

"a poker death."

Juan, are you playing poker?

You can't even play rock paper scissors.

Of course I can! Rock paper scissors.

No, I can't.
But, please, don't criticize me.

Then go to the living room.
They really worship you.

Now I'll go out there

and I'm going to show
how much Juan Gustozzi is worth.

Do you trust me?

Okay.

I'm going all in.

You won't fool me this time.

Are you sure?

Eyebrows slightly raised,

reddish eyes, lip movement...

You didn't get any, Juancito.

Those are not signs, he's allergic.

No, no way. I'm not going.

(chattering)

Take the dirty chimp away.

Yes, in a minute.

(whispering) Chueco, what do you want?

(both chattering)

Stop it, Chueco! I'm tired.

(grunts)

-What's up, Chueco?
-Help me, help me.

What do I do?

Go out there
and make Juancito stick, please.

Make him stick...

You have to stop this massacre.

Who wants some snacks?

Amanda, you can't interrupt a poker game.

It's very important to feel strong
so you play better

and don't make the wrong decisions.

Your turn, hotdog.

Amanda, please, let us finish.

-Yes.
-Okay.

(Amanda chuckles)

Are you in or not?

Not only am I in, but I raise.

-You don't have enough.
-Shut up.

I raise a little.

If you're so sure, there's
a lot of things you can bet here.

You want to bet heavy?

Let's bet heavy.

Poor Juancito...

He usually looks bad,
but I've never seen him like this.

He lost Mom's piano.

The one she gave him years ago.

It's more important than his hands.

(note plays)

Oh... E...

I'm going to miss you forever...

(note plays)

G...

You're the love of my life...

(note plays)

F sharp...

So many melodies together...

(sobbing)

All this is your fault, chimp.

I left him with his book, his slippers,

as boring as always, and you ruined it.

If he loses his piano, he'll die.

No! We'll all die.

Do you remember
when he had to have the piano repaired?

(trumpet playing)

That was the worst week ever.

There is a way to fix it,

but I need you to trust
in my ancient wisdom this time.

(inspirational music playing)

No, no, no.
I'm not good at this, Chueco. I'm not.

You're too good a person,
and that's no good.

I know!

Let's try to work positively. Listen.

People change.

Okay, come on.

And I trust you can become
a horrible person.

Repeat after me.

I'm the worst!

I'm the worst...

I'm a liar!

I'm a liar!

Louder! I'm a bad person!

I'm a bad person!

Forget it, you're Bambi.

-Forget it, you're Bambi.
-No, not that!

(groans)

Juan doesn't have the gene.

It's like trying to explain
the laws of thermodynamics to a child.

The laws of what?

Thermodynamics, Amanda.

-I'll explain it to you some other day.
-Okay.

The point is my dad's skills
are rather limited.

Well, he has his limits...

Which are many.

Yes. And we can't ask him for more.

Could you have this encouraging talk
when I'm not in front of you?

I think what we have to do now

is to change our strategy radically.

What strategy? I don't get it.

Cheating.

Never!

Hi, guys, how are you? Hi.

-I got you some beers.
-Great.

You've done more than your part.

-Why the hood, dude?
-Well, I...

I applied some hair dye
and I'm letting it work.

Hair dye?

The night starts well, huh?

The night...

Hair dye? Really?

They just got here and they've already
lost all respect for you, Juancito.

Wild Boar to Corso, first stage over.

They didn't notice the mic. Over and out.

Hey, we should take this piano now, right?

Look at this sofa, it's very nice.

Hey, and the painting. It seems original.

-It's signed.
-The signature is cool.

They're just saying this
to make you nervous.

The dishwasher is new, isn't it?

(sniffing)

(sniffs)

(snorts)

I'm going.

You're on your own, Raspa.

No way.

(clears throat)

He's lying, he's lying.

Bet. Bet and raise, Juancito!

-Are you sure?
-Of course!

I go and... and...

And I raise.

I go.

And I raise more.

I go.

Oh, you're going...

(chuckles)

Shh, shh, shh...

(Juan laughs)

Who won? Who won? The chips come to daddy.

♪ The dance of the...
The dance of the... ♪

Yay, yay! Come on, Juancito, come on!

(upbeat music playing)

(snorts)

Okay.

I'm going to need another table
for all the chips.

Please, gentlemen, excuse me for a second.
I need to go to the restroom.

Excuse me.

(laughs)

(whistling)

You're doing great, Juan, please.

Chueco, turn it off.

(gasps)

Some privacy, please.

I don't know what you're doing,
but Raspa is suspicious.

Raspa can calm down.
My luck changed, that's it.

Don't let it change too much.
This guy is dangerous, Juan.

-He's a criminal.
-What?

Yes. This guy made Al Pacino cry
in a shooting.

Gustavo, breathe, calm down.
You brought two criminals to my house?

Yes. I'm sorry, sorry.

I'm their pet, Juan.
They like hanging out with a famous actor.

You're the famous actor?

Gustavo, what are we going to do? What?

Gentlemen,
it's time for the definitive hand.

I'm not going.

No way.

-I'm not going.
-Yes, you are. You go.

No... (murmuring)

Yes, you are. Juan, come on.

Your turn, rookie.

Yes, yes, Mr. Raspa, yes... no...

He has to go.

-What did you say?
-I go and raise, yes.

Take that hood off.

-What hood?
-Take that hood off.

Easy, Raspa, easy.
I have the hair dye setting, please.

-Take that hood off!
-Okay, okay.

So you're cheating...

No, sir, no.

The thing is... Boca, Boca!

Copa Libertadores,
Boca, San Lorenzo game, listen.

Let me hear.

Boca is controlling, but San Lorenzo
won't let them keep their game.

The ball is in the rival's area.

The audience is heated,
ladies and gentlemen.

What a match! What a match we're living.

BOTH: Ahh!

CHUECO: The bleachers are exploding,
like my heart.

A big fan.

Let's end this game, please.

(gobbles, then gasps)

-I think we need to calm down.
-Yes, my hand is hurting.

-Let's end with this.
-Yes.

So are you going or not, hotdog?

(gibbers)

-I can't hear you.
-(gibbers)

What? Why are you so shy?

I see you and I raise the bet.

I raise it more.

I need to finish this
because I have a job to do.

I'm going.

You know what?

This job consists of visiting a buddy.

Bruno Martinelli, you know him?

I mean, I know a Bruno,

but I don't think it's the same,
because he's a pianist.

No, I don't think it's the same.

Mm-mm.

He's in no condition to play a piano.

Why?

Because we call my buddy "Seven Fingers."

And I think when this visit is over,

we'll have to call him "Six Fingers."

-(exclaims)
-Or five...

Five would be one-armed.

Don't choke, don't choke, man.

You know what?
I raise and I'm going all in.

You're too good a person,
and that's no good.

Wise up, Juan!

I go all in, too.

So we make things even.

Because my Bruno
can't play the piano currently.

We were both very good pianists.

We were competing to be main piano
in the National Symphony Orchestra.

It's a nice story, do you have time?

I'm going to tell it, but I need
something to drink. Amanda!

Could I please ask you to bring me

my work bag that's in the kitchen

with my pills for the voice?

I need to clear my throat.

Thank you, Amanda. You're so kind.

Now I'll tell you the story.
The day of the audition...

...with Bruno, we had some difficulties.

What did I play?

Oh, a piece by Rachmaninoff.
A delight. Do you know him?

-Hey.
-And I was great.

Because if I'm good at something...

...it's executing.

The position was for me, definitively.

In fact, Bruno couldn't audition that day.

Now that I think of it,
I didn't hear him play ever again.

Some people say...

...he had an accident.

That's weird.

I couldn't find the pills.
Leave it there, Gus.

So, let's finish this game.

-Does this bother you?
-No, no.

Where were we? I know.

All pointing to the same side.
Well organized.

Raspa, what are you going to do?

I'm not going.

I didn't hear you.
What are you going to do?

I'm not going!

Oh...

A little lie.

(Juan and Gustavo laughing)

Chips come to daddy...

-See you later, Dad.
-Have a nice Friday.

Bye, children, take care.
Enjoy, enjoy. (sighs)

Yes, ma'am, yes.
Two first-class tickets to Las Vegas.

Yes, first-class.
Extra first-class, I'd say.

Please. Yes, of course, of course.

The date? Yes, on the weekend of the 23rd.

It's the world poker championship

and my client can't miss it,
you know what I mean?

Chueco, Chueco. Hold on.

What are you doing?

(upbeat music plays)

♪ Chueco ♪

(theme music plays)

Translated by: Ianina Antonetti