C.H.U.E.C.O. (2023–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - Chueco de Ases - full transcript
Chueco is bored so he convinces Juan to host a poker game with Gustavo and his tough friends. Juan tries to fit in and win the game, but he ends up losing his most prized possession: the piano. Chueco is determined to get Juan's piano back, so he tries to teach him the art of cards and deception, but it is impossible. The pair is left with no choice but to resort to a plan that never fails: cheating.
♪ Chueco ♪
"CHUECO AND THE SPA"
(doorbell rings)
(insect buzzing)
Beautiful creature, fly away.
Bye.
-Hi.
-Hi.
My name is Lupe Romero, I come from SPA.
-That's great, we're all tense.
-(both laughing)
The SPA, Society Protector of Animals.
-Excuse me.
-Yes.
-Welcome, welcome.
-LUPE: Thank you.
I'm here to verify this home offers
the basic indispensable conditions
-for the primate's survival...
-JUAN: Right.
...as stipulated in article 9, section P
-of Mr. Giancarlo Gustozzi's will.
-(metal clanking loudly)
-JUAN: Mm-hmm.
-If that's not the case,
-I will proceed to find...
-CHUECO: No, no, no, no!
...a home appropriate for the ape's needs.
Is that clear?
-I know what a will is.
-(metal clanking continues)
If she doesn't like
how we look after Chueco, she'll take him.
-Exactly.
-No, no.
Chueco. No, Chueco. Chueco, no.
For instance, is subduing and hitting him
normal in this home?
Who let you grab my jewelry?
-Take it off. No, Chueco.
-(Chueco growling)
Let it go.
Aha!
(both laughing nervously)
No, that's a game.
We play all the time like that.
Chueco is playful. He's very happy here,
he always says so.
With his eyes.
He says it with his eyes.
He's very expressive, you know.
-Fine.
-JUAN: Fine.
-And that smell?
-Yes.
We were about to eat, so please...
You don't need to ask, I'll stay.
It will be very useful. Excuse me.
I'd like some water from a Turkish spring.
Sure.
Fine, okay, let's start
with introductions.
I'm Juan Gustozzi, world-renowned pianist.
-These are my children...
-There's no need.
For me: "Male subject.
Daughter one, son two."
Uh, okay, it will be very technical.
And Amanda, our housekeeper.
"Female subject, old of age."
Here's your Turkish bathwater.
(snickers)
-Look who's here.
-AMANDA: Ay!
Does Chueco eat at the table with you?
JUAN: Uh...
Um, i-is that wrong?
Does he or not?
Chueco is part of the family,
and if we all eat at the table,
Chueco should too.
He eats at the...
...table.
Pretend I'm not here.
-Mm?
-Okay.
So, how do you eat? Let's see.
(belching)
Chueco, please, do as we taught you.
(belching)
He... burps.
Excuse me, where's the toilet?
Yes, please. It's that way.
Listen closely, especially you, Chueco.
Now, put in practice
the manners your mom and I taught you.
It's now or never.
For example...?
For example "thank you,"
"you're welcome," "excuse me."
And not burping at the table.
Ah, okay. Anything else I should say?
You don't say anything, Chueco.
Not saying "excuse me" makes me look rude.
Let me be clear.
This lady can take you away.
So from now on, good manners,
behavior and sobriety.
Straight, hair.
Well, I already got her watch. You'll see.
What? Give me that!
-Give me that.
-But...
No cell phones, no TV,
no elbows at the table and no kleptomania.
Here she comes. Sit up straight.
We were waiting for you, Lupe.
Very good.
Ah! Let's continue.
Oh, Father, would you be so kind,
if that's your will,
to pass me a little
of that exquisite liquid concoction?
Juice, juice. (laughing)
Have some, Del. Have some.
Me too...
Me too, Father. Father, yes.
Please, thank you, excuse me,
you're welcome, good afternoon.
(forced laughter)
I see you're all very polite.
JUAN: Yes, very, they are.
But I don't care.
I want to know the quality of the home
you're giving Chueco.
Of course.
Daughter one.
For example, what do you do?
I... well, I study
and have a band with some friends.
Ah. That's very important,
because music soothes animals.
-Yes, we knew.
-What kind of music?
-I have a band of...
-Strings.
Strings, it's a string quartet.
This last semester they were playing
Vivaldi, very interesting.
-Beautiful.
-Beautiful, yes.
Son two, how are you doing at school?
Hanging on, not so well.
JUAN: No, but he's doing quite well.
Quite well. Well is well, right?
(all laughing awkwardly)
Martín is a little shy to say it,
but he's gifted.
So he sometimes gets bored at school.
I understand.
Female subject.
How do you get along with the primate?
We have our days.
The other primate.
Ah! Ahh...
I love Chueco.
Oh, honey.
Out of all the monkeys in this house,
he's the cutest monkey.
Monkey, monkey, baby, baby.
(groans)
Oh, how sweet. He's asking for a kiss.
I'm going to roast you without potatoes
so as not to ruin the potatoes. (kisses)
Well, this is enough for me.
I've analyzed what I needed.
(family sighs in relief)
Lupe, what a pleasure having you here.
You've seen how loving and polite we are.
It's the ideal environment for the animal.
Honestly, you're doing everything...
...wrong.
Chueco is not a polite child,
he's a primate.
He's an ape, mm?
Chueco needs to show
instinctive, wild behavior.
-Okay.
-To make sure this will happen,
I'm going to install cameras here.
C... C... Cameras?
Yes, so I can watch 24 hours.
I'll be back in a few days
with the final decision.
Okay? I'll go get the cameras.
No, not the cameras. Lupe, not cameras...
-Cheers.
-Cheers.
Oh, cheers.
JUAN: So, you can't talk for two days.
Do you agree, Chuequito?
Actually...
-(coughing)
-Oh, my eye, oh.
Chueco, why don't you go eat your lice?
Ah!
Why don't you eat yours?
I need my freedom of expression.
Stop it!
-Father.
-Stop it.
Cheers, Father.
Bless you.
(laughs nervously) Father, Father.
JUAN: You have to act like an ape
for two days.
No way...
No way.
No way.
No way!
Good morning.
Ooh! (laughs)
(Juan screams)
♪ I love life, I love life ♪
The cameras are there.
Sorry, my bad.
That's the thing about live streaming.
I'm alive. I like being alive.
Pet, come on, down.
The pet goes down.
No, stop!
Down there. Food, floor, quiet.
(Chueco grumbling)
Ah! What a beautiful morning, pet.
Very good monkey,
eating his food off the floor.
Where do you think you're going?
I'm going to the bathroom.
Do you need the details? It won't be nice.
Bad monkey.
Monkeys don't go to people's bathrooms.
Where do monkeys go?
Here, in the litter box,
like kittens, meow, meow.
I'll go here today,
but check your bed tomorrow.
-What are you doing?
-(screams)
Chueco, what are you doing in my...?
The camera...
How is he going to answer
if he's a monkey?
Oh, little monkey.
You can't sleep in the bed.
Beds are for intelligent beings.
I'm worried where you're sleeping.
For non-talking primates like you,
we have this.
Okay? Now go to sleep.
I'm leaving, Chuequito.
(snoring)
(chuckles)
(gasps)
Chueco?
Delfina, here.
Here.
Why are you there?
Delfi, I'll give you three options.
One, I threw myself in the garbage.
Two, I'm in a portable tanning bed.
And three, I'm hiding!
Why are you hiding in the trash can?
Because I can't stand this animal life.
I'm not an animal.
Technically, maybe.
The thing is
it's only been one day
of this disgraceful life,
and I feel I'm forgetting
how to behave like a decent person.
Do you understand me?
Do you know what I dreamed?
That I became wild.
I climbed to the top of a building
and planes flew by me
and shot at me.
Um, Chueco, that's not a dream,
that's the plot of a movie.
Ah, that's why it had subtitles.
(sniffing)
-Ugh, you stink!
-I know.
I should have emptied the can
before getting in. My bad.
Easy, Chuequito, come on.
Step by step.
If you made it up,
you... will... make... it... down.
I'm dizzy.
Luckily, I can throw up in the can.
(retching)
Lupe is about to be here.
We made it through the week.
(doorbell rings)
Now you have to behave like an ape.
-Okay?
-Yes!
I mean, yes.
If Lupe wants to see my wildest side,
I'll show it to her.
(laughing mischievously)
JUAN: Mm, mm, mm!
Lupe, give us your feedback
on everything you saw with the cameras.
We gave our best.
I had a problem.
JUAN: Mm-hmm?
I forgot the password.
Yes, I couldn't remember
if it was my birthday,
the name of my first pet
or my grandma's hometown.
So I couldn't see anything.
Dad.
So...
You couldn't see anything?
-Zero.
-Okay.
I did watch some great series.
If you want, I can tell you,
they're awesome.
-Did you watch Darío Duval's latest?
-Fascinating.
Later. We'll talk about series later.
We'll talk about series later.
-I wanted to ask you, Lupe...
-Yes.
...about Chueco's development,
because it's as ape as it gets.
Of course, that's why I came here.
To observe the ape's behavior
and see how it manages.
Chueco, not the hair, no.
Chueco, that's it, there.
Chueco!
No, that's fine. It's fine.
No, it's obvious
it feels very comfortable.
That's important, it's important.
Yes, right.
Chueco.
Very good, honey.
What are you going to draw?
Chueco, no!
Is that my lipstick?
-No, it's mine.
-Ah.
Don't even think...
-No, easy. It's delicious.
-Look.
Stop it, Chueco. Stop it.
I got hungry. Here's water
so you can clean. Sorry.
-It's water from a Turkish spring.
-LUPE: Thank you.
-Amanda, Amanda...
-(Lupe screams)
-No.
-Chueco!
Obviously you were able to awaken
the wildest side of this unbearable ape.
-Stop it!
-Sorry, Lupe.
Please, somebody has to take care
of this spoiled monkey.
Please, don't take Chueco, no.
-Oh, Chueco.
-Stop it, no.
I don't know what to do!
Oh, my God!
I will definitely not take
this spoiled monkey.
The police have to take it. The police.
I won't take it
to torture animals at the SPA.
-Okay.
-It's a mess. I'm leaving.
-I'll walk you out, Lupe. Sorry.
-I can see myself out.
(insect buzzing)
(shouts)
(sighs)
Great, I'm staying!
♪ Chueco, Chueco, Chueco ♪
-Come on, Chueco!
-Great!
-Cheers!
-Cheers!
-To Chueco.
-To Chueco!
♪ Chueco ♪
(doorbell rings)
-Yes.
-Hello, how are you? Good morning.
How are you?
Very well.
Oh, no, Mariano Zabaleta?
-Yes. How are you?
-All fine.
Good morning. I'm here next door,
I was waiting for a package,
a racket, a big package.
I think maybe it came here by mistake.
-Did you see it?
-It's such an honor to meet you.
I really do think you are
the greatest tennis player in Argentina.
-Or in the whole world.
-Thank you.
(cell phone dings)
I'm getting security footage,
and the package arrived.
-A dog is getting it?
-A dog?
It's putting it under its arm.
Its arm?
-And it climbs a tree.
-A tree?
How terrible.
No, we don't have a dog here.
Or thieves, anything.
I'll go find that dog to get the package.
Thank you, have a good day.
-Bye.
-Bye.
So, who wants to play a tennis match
with Chueco?
(glass shattering)
Chueco!
(closing theme music playing)
"CHUECO AND THE SPA"
(doorbell rings)
(insect buzzing)
Beautiful creature, fly away.
Bye.
-Hi.
-Hi.
My name is Lupe Romero, I come from SPA.
-That's great, we're all tense.
-(both laughing)
The SPA, Society Protector of Animals.
-Excuse me.
-Yes.
-Welcome, welcome.
-LUPE: Thank you.
I'm here to verify this home offers
the basic indispensable conditions
-for the primate's survival...
-JUAN: Right.
...as stipulated in article 9, section P
-of Mr. Giancarlo Gustozzi's will.
-(metal clanking loudly)
-JUAN: Mm-hmm.
-If that's not the case,
-I will proceed to find...
-CHUECO: No, no, no, no!
...a home appropriate for the ape's needs.
Is that clear?
-I know what a will is.
-(metal clanking continues)
If she doesn't like
how we look after Chueco, she'll take him.
-Exactly.
-No, no.
Chueco. No, Chueco. Chueco, no.
For instance, is subduing and hitting him
normal in this home?
Who let you grab my jewelry?
-Take it off. No, Chueco.
-(Chueco growling)
Let it go.
Aha!
(both laughing nervously)
No, that's a game.
We play all the time like that.
Chueco is playful. He's very happy here,
he always says so.
With his eyes.
He says it with his eyes.
He's very expressive, you know.
-Fine.
-JUAN: Fine.
-And that smell?
-Yes.
We were about to eat, so please...
You don't need to ask, I'll stay.
It will be very useful. Excuse me.
I'd like some water from a Turkish spring.
Sure.
Fine, okay, let's start
with introductions.
I'm Juan Gustozzi, world-renowned pianist.
-These are my children...
-There's no need.
For me: "Male subject.
Daughter one, son two."
Uh, okay, it will be very technical.
And Amanda, our housekeeper.
"Female subject, old of age."
Here's your Turkish bathwater.
(snickers)
-Look who's here.
-AMANDA: Ay!
Does Chueco eat at the table with you?
JUAN: Uh...
Um, i-is that wrong?
Does he or not?
Chueco is part of the family,
and if we all eat at the table,
Chueco should too.
He eats at the...
...table.
Pretend I'm not here.
-Mm?
-Okay.
So, how do you eat? Let's see.
(belching)
Chueco, please, do as we taught you.
(belching)
He... burps.
Excuse me, where's the toilet?
Yes, please. It's that way.
Listen closely, especially you, Chueco.
Now, put in practice
the manners your mom and I taught you.
It's now or never.
For example...?
For example "thank you,"
"you're welcome," "excuse me."
And not burping at the table.
Ah, okay. Anything else I should say?
You don't say anything, Chueco.
Not saying "excuse me" makes me look rude.
Let me be clear.
This lady can take you away.
So from now on, good manners,
behavior and sobriety.
Straight, hair.
Well, I already got her watch. You'll see.
What? Give me that!
-Give me that.
-But...
No cell phones, no TV,
no elbows at the table and no kleptomania.
Here she comes. Sit up straight.
We were waiting for you, Lupe.
Very good.
Ah! Let's continue.
Oh, Father, would you be so kind,
if that's your will,
to pass me a little
of that exquisite liquid concoction?
Juice, juice. (laughing)
Have some, Del. Have some.
Me too...
Me too, Father. Father, yes.
Please, thank you, excuse me,
you're welcome, good afternoon.
(forced laughter)
I see you're all very polite.
JUAN: Yes, very, they are.
But I don't care.
I want to know the quality of the home
you're giving Chueco.
Of course.
Daughter one.
For example, what do you do?
I... well, I study
and have a band with some friends.
Ah. That's very important,
because music soothes animals.
-Yes, we knew.
-What kind of music?
-I have a band of...
-Strings.
Strings, it's a string quartet.
This last semester they were playing
Vivaldi, very interesting.
-Beautiful.
-Beautiful, yes.
Son two, how are you doing at school?
Hanging on, not so well.
JUAN: No, but he's doing quite well.
Quite well. Well is well, right?
(all laughing awkwardly)
Martín is a little shy to say it,
but he's gifted.
So he sometimes gets bored at school.
I understand.
Female subject.
How do you get along with the primate?
We have our days.
The other primate.
Ah! Ahh...
I love Chueco.
Oh, honey.
Out of all the monkeys in this house,
he's the cutest monkey.
Monkey, monkey, baby, baby.
(groans)
Oh, how sweet. He's asking for a kiss.
I'm going to roast you without potatoes
so as not to ruin the potatoes. (kisses)
Well, this is enough for me.
I've analyzed what I needed.
(family sighs in relief)
Lupe, what a pleasure having you here.
You've seen how loving and polite we are.
It's the ideal environment for the animal.
Honestly, you're doing everything...
...wrong.
Chueco is not a polite child,
he's a primate.
He's an ape, mm?
Chueco needs to show
instinctive, wild behavior.
-Okay.
-To make sure this will happen,
I'm going to install cameras here.
C... C... Cameras?
Yes, so I can watch 24 hours.
I'll be back in a few days
with the final decision.
Okay? I'll go get the cameras.
No, not the cameras. Lupe, not cameras...
-Cheers.
-Cheers.
Oh, cheers.
JUAN: So, you can't talk for two days.
Do you agree, Chuequito?
Actually...
-(coughing)
-Oh, my eye, oh.
Chueco, why don't you go eat your lice?
Ah!
Why don't you eat yours?
I need my freedom of expression.
Stop it!
-Father.
-Stop it.
Cheers, Father.
Bless you.
(laughs nervously) Father, Father.
JUAN: You have to act like an ape
for two days.
No way...
No way.
No way.
No way!
Good morning.
Ooh! (laughs)
(Juan screams)
♪ I love life, I love life ♪
The cameras are there.
Sorry, my bad.
That's the thing about live streaming.
I'm alive. I like being alive.
Pet, come on, down.
The pet goes down.
No, stop!
Down there. Food, floor, quiet.
(Chueco grumbling)
Ah! What a beautiful morning, pet.
Very good monkey,
eating his food off the floor.
Where do you think you're going?
I'm going to the bathroom.
Do you need the details? It won't be nice.
Bad monkey.
Monkeys don't go to people's bathrooms.
Where do monkeys go?
Here, in the litter box,
like kittens, meow, meow.
I'll go here today,
but check your bed tomorrow.
-What are you doing?
-(screams)
Chueco, what are you doing in my...?
The camera...
How is he going to answer
if he's a monkey?
Oh, little monkey.
You can't sleep in the bed.
Beds are for intelligent beings.
I'm worried where you're sleeping.
For non-talking primates like you,
we have this.
Okay? Now go to sleep.
I'm leaving, Chuequito.
(snoring)
(chuckles)
(gasps)
Chueco?
Delfina, here.
Here.
Why are you there?
Delfi, I'll give you three options.
One, I threw myself in the garbage.
Two, I'm in a portable tanning bed.
And three, I'm hiding!
Why are you hiding in the trash can?
Because I can't stand this animal life.
I'm not an animal.
Technically, maybe.
The thing is
it's only been one day
of this disgraceful life,
and I feel I'm forgetting
how to behave like a decent person.
Do you understand me?
Do you know what I dreamed?
That I became wild.
I climbed to the top of a building
and planes flew by me
and shot at me.
Um, Chueco, that's not a dream,
that's the plot of a movie.
Ah, that's why it had subtitles.
(sniffing)
-Ugh, you stink!
-I know.
I should have emptied the can
before getting in. My bad.
Easy, Chuequito, come on.
Step by step.
If you made it up,
you... will... make... it... down.
I'm dizzy.
Luckily, I can throw up in the can.
(retching)
Lupe is about to be here.
We made it through the week.
(doorbell rings)
Now you have to behave like an ape.
-Okay?
-Yes!
I mean, yes.
If Lupe wants to see my wildest side,
I'll show it to her.
(laughing mischievously)
JUAN: Mm, mm, mm!
Lupe, give us your feedback
on everything you saw with the cameras.
We gave our best.
I had a problem.
JUAN: Mm-hmm?
I forgot the password.
Yes, I couldn't remember
if it was my birthday,
the name of my first pet
or my grandma's hometown.
So I couldn't see anything.
Dad.
So...
You couldn't see anything?
-Zero.
-Okay.
I did watch some great series.
If you want, I can tell you,
they're awesome.
-Did you watch Darío Duval's latest?
-Fascinating.
Later. We'll talk about series later.
We'll talk about series later.
-I wanted to ask you, Lupe...
-Yes.
...about Chueco's development,
because it's as ape as it gets.
Of course, that's why I came here.
To observe the ape's behavior
and see how it manages.
Chueco, not the hair, no.
Chueco, that's it, there.
Chueco!
No, that's fine. It's fine.
No, it's obvious
it feels very comfortable.
That's important, it's important.
Yes, right.
Chueco.
Very good, honey.
What are you going to draw?
Chueco, no!
Is that my lipstick?
-No, it's mine.
-Ah.
Don't even think...
-No, easy. It's delicious.
-Look.
Stop it, Chueco. Stop it.
I got hungry. Here's water
so you can clean. Sorry.
-It's water from a Turkish spring.
-LUPE: Thank you.
-Amanda, Amanda...
-(Lupe screams)
-No.
-Chueco!
Obviously you were able to awaken
the wildest side of this unbearable ape.
-Stop it!
-Sorry, Lupe.
Please, somebody has to take care
of this spoiled monkey.
Please, don't take Chueco, no.
-Oh, Chueco.
-Stop it, no.
I don't know what to do!
Oh, my God!
I will definitely not take
this spoiled monkey.
The police have to take it. The police.
I won't take it
to torture animals at the SPA.
-Okay.
-It's a mess. I'm leaving.
-I'll walk you out, Lupe. Sorry.
-I can see myself out.
(insect buzzing)
(shouts)
(sighs)
Great, I'm staying!
♪ Chueco, Chueco, Chueco ♪
-Come on, Chueco!
-Great!
-Cheers!
-Cheers!
-To Chueco.
-To Chueco!
♪ Chueco ♪
(doorbell rings)
-Yes.
-Hello, how are you? Good morning.
How are you?
Very well.
Oh, no, Mariano Zabaleta?
-Yes. How are you?
-All fine.
Good morning. I'm here next door,
I was waiting for a package,
a racket, a big package.
I think maybe it came here by mistake.
-Did you see it?
-It's such an honor to meet you.
I really do think you are
the greatest tennis player in Argentina.
-Or in the whole world.
-Thank you.
(cell phone dings)
I'm getting security footage,
and the package arrived.
-A dog is getting it?
-A dog?
It's putting it under its arm.
Its arm?
-And it climbs a tree.
-A tree?
How terrible.
No, we don't have a dog here.
Or thieves, anything.
I'll go find that dog to get the package.
Thank you, have a good day.
-Bye.
-Bye.
So, who wants to play a tennis match
with Chueco?
(glass shattering)
Chueco!
(closing theme music playing)