C.H.U.E.C.O. (2023–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - Chueco y su macaco - full transcript
Juan wants to play the piano at a charity event hosted by his neighbor, Gustavo. However, Chueco accidentally speaks in front of Gustavo so Juan has to make him believe that he is practicing a ventriloquism act with the ape. Gustavo is very impressed and invites him to participate in the event as a ventriloquist. Juan refuses but Chueco messes things up to get what he wants.
♪ Chueco ♪
"MACAQUE SOUP"
(groaning)
Juan, tell my children
I've always loved them.
Chueco, you don't have children.
Guillermina, Chueco Junior.
I see the light.
You see the light?
And now?
-No.
-And now?
-Now I do.
-How about now?
And now?
Answer, Chueco.
It's an ape, sir. It won't answer.
We've got the results.
JUAN: Doctor, is it serious?
Do you know what this is?
No, don't tell me it's a thrombus, a cyst,
an inoperable tumor.
This is a whole potato,
with skin, unchewed.
This is a chicken leg.
And these are headphones.
My headphones.
Is that the tumor? Is it?
That is your whisk.
He ate it, too.
What do we do?
I'd suggest you get a new one.
Chueco shouldn't be fed human food.
I understand, but Chueco's hunger
is out of control,
and he enjoys eating too much.
We sell great canned food for chimps.
-It's great for indigestion.
-(Chueco grumbling)
Also, they have dried fruit,
eggs, insects, carrion.
(sobbing)
Easy, Chueco, easy.
Do you have any Bolognese-flavored food?
Look, this is important
for Chueco's health.
Time to go on a diet, Chueco.
Thanks, doctor, thanks. (sighs)
Juan, you can't even die in peace.
Did you eat my whisk?
There's no proof.
What? It's hanging there.
Ah, that scanner isn't reliable.
Where's the corkscrew I ate last ni...?
Yes, it's reliable. Yes, yes, yes.
Wait while I get more cans
from the deposit.
Yes, of course. There's no hurry.
You might not be in a hurry...
Chueco, please, I asked you not to talk.
No.
You made me shut up
while my rights were violated.
What rights, Chueco?
My right to eat chips with ketchup.
(Juan sighs)
(screeches)
What's going on? Did you have a stroke?
Sofía, Martín's new coach, just walked in.
I don't want her to see me.
Great camouflage.
I thought you were a Doberman.
Stop it! Stop it!
Hey, Juan?
-Sofi.
-Hi!
-Hi. What a coincidence.
-Yes.
It's crazy to meet here.
-Yeah, right? Crazy.
-Yeah.
I didn't know you had
such an exotic friend.
Yes, exotic, right word.
-Pleased to meet you.
-Sofía.
Well... Hey, let go!
-Let go.
-How sweet.
Yes, I'm very private and don't
reveal much about my life. But he is...
What is your name?
Chueco.
Hi, Chueco.
Hey, you look so human I don't know
which of you the vet checked.
(snickers)
Okay, let's make plans to go jogging,
like we said we would.
Yes, I've been super busy.
I've been busy with...
I've been eating...
sleeping, and...
and... breathing.
It was all at once, and I couldn't.
I scared you
with the 10 kilometers, right?
Ha!
The concept that can scare Juan Gustozzi
has not been developed yet.
-Okay. (laughing)
-What's in that box?
It's my little Curry.
I brought her in for a check-up.
It's a tarantula.
(shrieks)
She's so pretty
and so furry.
VETERINARIAN: Sofía Lozano.
-It's my turn.
-Yes.
-Nice to see you.
-Same.
Bye, Sofi.
If you find time for that date,
let me know.
Yes, I'll let you know.
(laughing)
Why are you laughing?
I thought you were a loser with women,
but seeing that reminded me
of the sinking of the Titanic.
Have a little mercy.
I haven't dated in a long time.
I'm going to laugh about this for years.
I'm going to laugh until I...
I want to kill myself.
Tonight will be wonderful.
There will be leftover chicken,
nobody will eat up the bread.
Are you enjoying your can, monkey?
Since you say my food
is never enough for you,
that's all yours. Enjoy it.
This food smells like...
(sniffing)
Like your sock, Juan. Gross.
You're so dramatic.
It probably smells like fruit.
Yes? If you're so sure, you try it. Here.
I have no problem.
JUAN: So...
(retching)
No, Del, no.
It's nothing.
Don't worry, Del,
they're probably vegetarian.
You're making such a fuss over some cans.
You complain just out of habit.
(gags, coughs)
It does smell like Dad's socks.
And it tastes like Dad's socks.
JUAN: What's up with my socks today?
The podiatrist told me it's not me,
it's the shoes, so stop it.
Anyway, Martín, do you know
who I ran into? Your coach, right.
She's really a lovely woman.
We talked a lot. Chit, chat.
All about you.
She only talks about you, the things...
I don't know about soccer, but that.
Did she say anything about me?
What did she say about my hair?
What did she say about this mane? Pull.
I'm trying a tonic for hair loss
that is supposed to be bomb.
Amanda, what's in the dinner?
-It wasn't me, it was the monkey.
-What?
Really? Delicious, I never had
anything so good in my life.
(chuckles)
-(shrieks)
-What?
-Sofía. Sofía.
-Ay!
"Hi, Juan, I'd love to have dinner
tomorrow at your place with you."
(shrieks)
(Juan stuttering)
"Yes, I think Chueco is fun,
but I wouldn't say he's attractive."
Did you text Sofía?
I won her over in a second.
In conclusion, we can say
you're less seductive than an ape. Ha!
Okay, okay. Tomorrow, at this house,
there will be a date.
Are you having a date with my coach?
If the team finds out, I'll be a joke.
Go play, no problem.
-The tonic?
-In the bathroom.
-Is my hair falling out?
-No.
-What else? Socks.
-Socks.
Where's the soap? I'll wash them.
What else? Nothing. Socks, date, yes.
(yawns)
You'd better work miracles.
I hope Gustavo didn't lie.
Let's see.
(in low voice) Hello, Sofía.
What a starry night, and a star fell
into my living room. (laughs)
You're in trouble, Juan.
The day has come.
I need to call the florist,
the chocolatier,
the plumber, the gas installer...
(shrieks)
Who are you and why are you in my house?
(gasps)
Sofía, Sofía.
(screaming)
Who are you and why are you in my house?
JUAN: It's Juan.
It's me, Juan.
John, the apostle?
Juan, the Argentinian who plays
the piano weirdly, who doubts everything.
Kids, it's Dad.
No, Amanda, I think it is Juan.
No, I'm not sure.
But...
What happened to you?
Last night, I put on
the tonic Gustavo gave me,
and it's the most effective product
in the world.
Dad, I don't think it was the tonic.
I think it was the monkey food.
Del, why would I eat mon...?
-Chueco.
-Yes.
Did you food poison me?
This is crazy. It's got so many
side effects, they barely fit here.
-Let me see.
-It can cause insatiable hunger...
intermittent transformation
into Pavarotti...
endless hair growth.
Endless... hair... growth?
But today, I have a date with...
(singing operatically) ♪ Sofía ♪
Will you go on a date with Sofía?
This is a call for justice.
Don't worry, Dad.
-Chueco and you were food poisoned.
-JUAN: Yes.
We're calling the company right now.
(operatically) ♪ Where are we going? ♪
If my friends know
my dad and my coach are going out,
nobody will take me seriously.
Martincito,
do you think Sofía will come back here
if she sees your dad as the yeti?
Luckily, you have me.
To organize the "macaque" plan.
Macaque plan?
Macaque plan.
No, you listen to me.
My dad is very ill
because of your product.
You need to take it off the market.
Yes, he still has human shape.
But that's not enough!
No, of course he hasn't eaten
your product since last night.
Have you eaten the product again?
No, not at all.
How come you're not responsible
for the side effects?
They're in really fine print on the can.
I demand compensation.
At least 10 million...
Hello?
They hung up on me.
This is immoral.
They could be hurting more people.
Or even worse, animals.
It's over, honey. Let it go.
No, this won't stay like this.
This is a public health threat.
I will report them. (squeals)
They're great, great.
Come on, caveman.
Have another snack.
Sofía can't see me like this.
She can't see me, it's over.
The date is cancelled.
What...? How?
Since when are men afraid of hair?
Where's my elegance, my neatness?
I think you're looking for excuses
to be a coward.
So, are you a coward?
I'm not a coward.
Say it louder, I can't hear you.
I'm not a co...
(operatically) ♪ O Sole Mio ♪
You know what?
I need to face this.
Sofía will come here,
and this date will happen,
and no one will interfere.
And most attractive men in history
have had thick beards.
For example?
Santa Claus.
-Ho, ho, ho.
-Ha!
Come on, champ, I like it.
Can you tell me what you're doing?
The plan was he wasn't going to see Sofía.
Come on, Martín, wise up.
I want him to eat up those cans
so I can continue eating chicken.
The plan is good for both of us.
I need that dinner
so the cans are used up.
And you need to ruin it
so Sofía never comes back.
Do you understand?
(laughing mischievously)
There, you look really handsome.
She's the Beauty and you're the Beast. Ha!
I can change your look, too,
so you look like a bald cat.
-No!
-Wait, aren't those my chips?
It's really bad to accuse
a poor ape on a diet.
-Give them back to me.
-No.
Please, family, some peace.
I'm practicing my faces.
Oh...
Insatiable hunger
is the worst of the side effects.
Or the best.
I got you.
Don't even think that with the can problem
we're sharing food again.
Look what Martín made for me.
My baby is growing up.
What is it?
No, no, no.
(operatically) ♪ No ♪
(chuckles)
This doesn't stop growing.
Juan, the tonic for hair loss,
"Not a Fool's Hair," is a fraud.
No, what do you mean a fraud?
The tonic only made you lose more hair.
This way, the company makes sure
you keep buying their product.
Capitalism for dummies.
(both scream)
Juan, look on the bright side,
you were not bald, you were just a fool.
(laughing)
Bye.
The real bright side
is that this information
can solve the disaster
of your Neanderthal look.
Yes, yes, yes.
I've been analyzing
the composition of the lotion,
and I found applying it
directly on the scalp
can stop the growth of new hair.
I did it!
I got in touch with the Federal Prosecutor
for the Consumer.
I have a radio interview in five minutes
and another one with the news tomorrow.
That's great, Del.
Yes.
I organized an easy plan
we're calling "Perfect Evening."
Wow! I love it!
Well, well, well.
-Ta-da!
-Ta-da!
I wasn't expecting
a table with so much love...
Martín, honestly,
does this date bother you or not?
Of course not, Daddy.
You know your happiness will always be
more important than mine.
Get a thermometer. He's sick.
Move, excuse me,
my gourmet appetizer needs to be
at the perfect temperature.
Excuse me, I need to help Amanda.
Not only is he ill, it's very serious.
Hey, next week, can you take me
to a meeting with the president?
No bus leaves me nearby.
We're having a meeting about the cans.
Yes.
Uh, honey, sometimes
you need to let go a little.
You can't embrace all causes in the world.
Maybe you're right.
-(cell phone chimes)
-Oh!
(gasps) It's the UN.
Yes, maybe the next one. Good luck.
(sighs)
Ah! Good evening, sir,
here we work with tips in advance.
Why are you wearing that costume?
Go upstairs. Sofía will come soon.
It's not a costume, I'm a waiter.
Chueco, it's not funny.
You can't be seen like this.
Go to Delfina's room.
Is this how you treat the friend
who solved your problem?
No, that's how I treat
the friend who caused it.
Do you have any other scanner
to prove that?
No, I don't have a scanner.
But I do have a funnel and macaque soup.
Room, Delfina, quiet, now.
-(doorbell dings)
-Go to Delfina's room.
Open the door, hi, open the door.
-Hi.
-I didn't know if I should bring anything.
No, it's perfect. You didn't need to...
I mean, I didn't expect much.
No. I mean...
I was expecting you, who are perfect.
-May I come in?
-What?
-May I come in?
-Oh, yes, yes, yes. Come in.
Of course we have to establish
stricter regulations
in food quality controls.
A second, I can't hear you.
Hello? Hello?
Macaque Junior, answer, over.
Why am I Macaque Junior?
It's obvious who Macaque Senior is.
-You?
-No, your dad.
Have you put the can in the first course?
No.
Amanda hasn't left yet.
She's acting in her own soap opera.
(gasps) Is it for me?
The award for the best cook in town?
Thank you, you shouldn't have.
(in English) Thank you.
(in Spanish) What? Yes.
Yes, I've had to deal
with a horrible monkey
who eats my chicken, but it's fine.
Ah! Oh! (chuckles)
I present to you my best dish.
So the teacher comes in and says,
"Students, I told you today in class
we'd make you do 20 squats."
And I had my backpack full of ingredients
because I thought he meant 20 quesadillas.
Oh, mes chéries...
Bon appétit.
-Thank you, it looks delicious.
-Yes, yes...
(laughing uncomfortably)
Yes, sorry.
Let's try this.
Mmm!
Lately, Amanda has been using something
that makes everything delicious.
-Mmm.
-Let's see.
Mmm. Mmm?
What is it?
No. What is it? Are you okay?
Are you okay or not?
This is delicious.
-What's in it? It tastes like...
-Like sock.
-Right.
-Like sock.
But in a good way, right?
Right, in a good way.
It reminds me,
once I was in a piano concert
-and the conductor...
-Juan.
-What?
-What's on your face?
-Did you grow a beard?
-No.
No, it's not possible.
It's this lamp, it's a tricky lamp.
It forms shadows.
It's nothing, nothing.
Just a sec, I'll be right back. Eat.
This lamp...
(Juan chuckles)
Perfect, you're a greater conqueror
than Alexander the Great. Ha!
Yes, sir! Yes, sir!
Come on, open the door.
Am I okay? (exhales)
Come on.
(clears throat)
Phase 2 begins.
Next time, add more, we have a lot. Over.
It's easy for you to say.
You're not on the set
of Recipes of Guadalupe.
JUAN: Amandita, can you come here
for a second?
Oops.
Great.
Amanda...
(both snicker)
Where was I? Oh, yes.
He was a disgrace.
The day I caught him cheating on me,
do you know what he said?
"Didn't you want me to exercise more?
Kissing you exercises 34 muscles."
(Juan chuckles)
Pretty quick for a guy
whose brain is in his biceps.
-Excuse me.
-Well, well, well. (chuckles)
-That's it.
-How cute.
That's it.
-Can I tell you the truth?
-Mm-hmm.
I'm tired of pretending, Juan.
Mm-hmm?
I'm not even interested
in dating a sporty man.
(screams)
I prefer someone who's honest.
-What about you?
-Me, honest. Me, honest.
Don't you see a nest here?
Me, honest. (laughs)
You're so silly.
No, I meant what are you looking for?
Uh...
Anyway, you can't imagine
how my fool of an ex
destroyed my self-esteem
and my confidence.
Is anything wrong?
Are you being funny and wearing costumes
while I open up my heart?
-Juan!
-Sorry.
I'll go to the toilet and solve it.
(operatically) ♪ O Sole ♪
This is out of control, son.
You said you'd stop it.
It's an improvised formula!
What do you mean "improvised," Vicente?
I'm eight, Juan.
That's not enough, add more.
Chueco, it's dangerous to put more on.
It's too tight.
But we want today to be tight.
We want them to hold tight.
Chueco, stop it!
Stop you two, start.
Dad, I got the OMS
to launch an international alarm...
Dad?
Stop, everybody!
Don't touch my hair!
I don't care about the alarm, or your age,
or your jokes.
I have a date, and I want to finish it.
Will you help me or not?
(Chueco chuckles)
JUAN: Oh, Sofi, I'm ready, sorry.
I had a quarrel with soap.
Foam here, foam there.
But I'm here now.
I think I'm dreaming.
Well, me too.
What? No, no.
(operatically) ♪ No ♪
I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
(laughs nervously)
You realized, this is part of a musical
we did with my children.
It's "Juan and the Crazy Hair."
I found this kid putting
monkey food in my dishes.
Monkey food?
Macaque soup, Martín?
Really? Is this your fault?
No, I didn't make your hair pink.
You didn't listen when I said your date
would leave me without friends.
You're right, but for the first time
in his life, your father has a da...
(siren blaring)
-Chueco! Go upstairs right...
-(knock at door)
Freeze, FBI.
(gasps)
Where's the radioactive element
"macaque soup"?
Dad, I'm sorry. I can explain!
Why are you pink?
I don't think I'm feeling well.
(all gasp)
And... there.
I have to confess
I've never had a date like this.
Next time you're food poisoned
with monkey food on a date,
tell them Juan Gustozzi went all the way.
I even had the FBI come, Sofi.
Sofi...
I want to tell you something.
Um, I want...
to apologize for not being brave enough
to be honest with you.
People say I can be a little fearful.
Well, today was the day. (chuckles)
I wanted you to like me for me.
But I'm basically a mess.
I like that you're clumsy.
-And that you make bad jokes.
-Yes.
Juan, I don't want you to hide
who you are, you know?
On the contrary,
I want to get to know you.
Always with honesty.
Okay, okay. Always with honesty.
You still have a little...
(sighs)
Ah, how did everything end, champ?
Sofía looked pretty nice with a beard.
It was an unforgettable night.
Ah.
Unforgettable is the chaos you made here.
We almost ended up at the police station.
But I did you a favor.
With that dull date you had planned,
Sofía would have left.
If she comes back,
it's for the "Chueco touch."
What's that?
Nothing, dessert.
Are you eating my new whisk?
Give it to me. Let it go, Chueco.
Look, look, look! The TV.
♪ Macaque soup, macaque soup ♪
♪ Fabulous ♪
♪ Macaque soup, macaque soup ♪
♪ Nutritious ♪
♪ Macaque soup, macaque soup ♪
♪ Macaque soup, macaque ♪
♪ Macaque soup, delicious ♪
♪ Fabulous ♪
♪ Macaque soup, macaque ♪
(closing theme music playing)
"MACAQUE SOUP"
(groaning)
Juan, tell my children
I've always loved them.
Chueco, you don't have children.
Guillermina, Chueco Junior.
I see the light.
You see the light?
And now?
-No.
-And now?
-Now I do.
-How about now?
And now?
Answer, Chueco.
It's an ape, sir. It won't answer.
We've got the results.
JUAN: Doctor, is it serious?
Do you know what this is?
No, don't tell me it's a thrombus, a cyst,
an inoperable tumor.
This is a whole potato,
with skin, unchewed.
This is a chicken leg.
And these are headphones.
My headphones.
Is that the tumor? Is it?
That is your whisk.
He ate it, too.
What do we do?
I'd suggest you get a new one.
Chueco shouldn't be fed human food.
I understand, but Chueco's hunger
is out of control,
and he enjoys eating too much.
We sell great canned food for chimps.
-It's great for indigestion.
-(Chueco grumbling)
Also, they have dried fruit,
eggs, insects, carrion.
(sobbing)
Easy, Chueco, easy.
Do you have any Bolognese-flavored food?
Look, this is important
for Chueco's health.
Time to go on a diet, Chueco.
Thanks, doctor, thanks. (sighs)
Juan, you can't even die in peace.
Did you eat my whisk?
There's no proof.
What? It's hanging there.
Ah, that scanner isn't reliable.
Where's the corkscrew I ate last ni...?
Yes, it's reliable. Yes, yes, yes.
Wait while I get more cans
from the deposit.
Yes, of course. There's no hurry.
You might not be in a hurry...
Chueco, please, I asked you not to talk.
No.
You made me shut up
while my rights were violated.
What rights, Chueco?
My right to eat chips with ketchup.
(Juan sighs)
(screeches)
What's going on? Did you have a stroke?
Sofía, Martín's new coach, just walked in.
I don't want her to see me.
Great camouflage.
I thought you were a Doberman.
Stop it! Stop it!
Hey, Juan?
-Sofi.
-Hi!
-Hi. What a coincidence.
-Yes.
It's crazy to meet here.
-Yeah, right? Crazy.
-Yeah.
I didn't know you had
such an exotic friend.
Yes, exotic, right word.
-Pleased to meet you.
-Sofía.
Well... Hey, let go!
-Let go.
-How sweet.
Yes, I'm very private and don't
reveal much about my life. But he is...
What is your name?
Chueco.
Hi, Chueco.
Hey, you look so human I don't know
which of you the vet checked.
(snickers)
Okay, let's make plans to go jogging,
like we said we would.
Yes, I've been super busy.
I've been busy with...
I've been eating...
sleeping, and...
and... breathing.
It was all at once, and I couldn't.
I scared you
with the 10 kilometers, right?
Ha!
The concept that can scare Juan Gustozzi
has not been developed yet.
-Okay. (laughing)
-What's in that box?
It's my little Curry.
I brought her in for a check-up.
It's a tarantula.
(shrieks)
She's so pretty
and so furry.
VETERINARIAN: Sofía Lozano.
-It's my turn.
-Yes.
-Nice to see you.
-Same.
Bye, Sofi.
If you find time for that date,
let me know.
Yes, I'll let you know.
(laughing)
Why are you laughing?
I thought you were a loser with women,
but seeing that reminded me
of the sinking of the Titanic.
Have a little mercy.
I haven't dated in a long time.
I'm going to laugh about this for years.
I'm going to laugh until I...
I want to kill myself.
Tonight will be wonderful.
There will be leftover chicken,
nobody will eat up the bread.
Are you enjoying your can, monkey?
Since you say my food
is never enough for you,
that's all yours. Enjoy it.
This food smells like...
(sniffing)
Like your sock, Juan. Gross.
You're so dramatic.
It probably smells like fruit.
Yes? If you're so sure, you try it. Here.
I have no problem.
JUAN: So...
(retching)
No, Del, no.
It's nothing.
Don't worry, Del,
they're probably vegetarian.
You're making such a fuss over some cans.
You complain just out of habit.
(gags, coughs)
It does smell like Dad's socks.
And it tastes like Dad's socks.
JUAN: What's up with my socks today?
The podiatrist told me it's not me,
it's the shoes, so stop it.
Anyway, Martín, do you know
who I ran into? Your coach, right.
She's really a lovely woman.
We talked a lot. Chit, chat.
All about you.
She only talks about you, the things...
I don't know about soccer, but that.
Did she say anything about me?
What did she say about my hair?
What did she say about this mane? Pull.
I'm trying a tonic for hair loss
that is supposed to be bomb.
Amanda, what's in the dinner?
-It wasn't me, it was the monkey.
-What?
Really? Delicious, I never had
anything so good in my life.
(chuckles)
-(shrieks)
-What?
-Sofía. Sofía.
-Ay!
"Hi, Juan, I'd love to have dinner
tomorrow at your place with you."
(shrieks)
(Juan stuttering)
"Yes, I think Chueco is fun,
but I wouldn't say he's attractive."
Did you text Sofía?
I won her over in a second.
In conclusion, we can say
you're less seductive than an ape. Ha!
Okay, okay. Tomorrow, at this house,
there will be a date.
Are you having a date with my coach?
If the team finds out, I'll be a joke.
Go play, no problem.
-The tonic?
-In the bathroom.
-Is my hair falling out?
-No.
-What else? Socks.
-Socks.
Where's the soap? I'll wash them.
What else? Nothing. Socks, date, yes.
(yawns)
You'd better work miracles.
I hope Gustavo didn't lie.
Let's see.
(in low voice) Hello, Sofía.
What a starry night, and a star fell
into my living room. (laughs)
You're in trouble, Juan.
The day has come.
I need to call the florist,
the chocolatier,
the plumber, the gas installer...
(shrieks)
Who are you and why are you in my house?
(gasps)
Sofía, Sofía.
(screaming)
Who are you and why are you in my house?
JUAN: It's Juan.
It's me, Juan.
John, the apostle?
Juan, the Argentinian who plays
the piano weirdly, who doubts everything.
Kids, it's Dad.
No, Amanda, I think it is Juan.
No, I'm not sure.
But...
What happened to you?
Last night, I put on
the tonic Gustavo gave me,
and it's the most effective product
in the world.
Dad, I don't think it was the tonic.
I think it was the monkey food.
Del, why would I eat mon...?
-Chueco.
-Yes.
Did you food poison me?
This is crazy. It's got so many
side effects, they barely fit here.
-Let me see.
-It can cause insatiable hunger...
intermittent transformation
into Pavarotti...
endless hair growth.
Endless... hair... growth?
But today, I have a date with...
(singing operatically) ♪ Sofía ♪
Will you go on a date with Sofía?
This is a call for justice.
Don't worry, Dad.
-Chueco and you were food poisoned.
-JUAN: Yes.
We're calling the company right now.
(operatically) ♪ Where are we going? ♪
If my friends know
my dad and my coach are going out,
nobody will take me seriously.
Martincito,
do you think Sofía will come back here
if she sees your dad as the yeti?
Luckily, you have me.
To organize the "macaque" plan.
Macaque plan?
Macaque plan.
No, you listen to me.
My dad is very ill
because of your product.
You need to take it off the market.
Yes, he still has human shape.
But that's not enough!
No, of course he hasn't eaten
your product since last night.
Have you eaten the product again?
No, not at all.
How come you're not responsible
for the side effects?
They're in really fine print on the can.
I demand compensation.
At least 10 million...
Hello?
They hung up on me.
This is immoral.
They could be hurting more people.
Or even worse, animals.
It's over, honey. Let it go.
No, this won't stay like this.
This is a public health threat.
I will report them. (squeals)
They're great, great.
Come on, caveman.
Have another snack.
Sofía can't see me like this.
She can't see me, it's over.
The date is cancelled.
What...? How?
Since when are men afraid of hair?
Where's my elegance, my neatness?
I think you're looking for excuses
to be a coward.
So, are you a coward?
I'm not a coward.
Say it louder, I can't hear you.
I'm not a co...
(operatically) ♪ O Sole Mio ♪
You know what?
I need to face this.
Sofía will come here,
and this date will happen,
and no one will interfere.
And most attractive men in history
have had thick beards.
For example?
Santa Claus.
-Ho, ho, ho.
-Ha!
Come on, champ, I like it.
Can you tell me what you're doing?
The plan was he wasn't going to see Sofía.
Come on, Martín, wise up.
I want him to eat up those cans
so I can continue eating chicken.
The plan is good for both of us.
I need that dinner
so the cans are used up.
And you need to ruin it
so Sofía never comes back.
Do you understand?
(laughing mischievously)
There, you look really handsome.
She's the Beauty and you're the Beast. Ha!
I can change your look, too,
so you look like a bald cat.
-No!
-Wait, aren't those my chips?
It's really bad to accuse
a poor ape on a diet.
-Give them back to me.
-No.
Please, family, some peace.
I'm practicing my faces.
Oh...
Insatiable hunger
is the worst of the side effects.
Or the best.
I got you.
Don't even think that with the can problem
we're sharing food again.
Look what Martín made for me.
My baby is growing up.
What is it?
No, no, no.
(operatically) ♪ No ♪
(chuckles)
This doesn't stop growing.
Juan, the tonic for hair loss,
"Not a Fool's Hair," is a fraud.
No, what do you mean a fraud?
The tonic only made you lose more hair.
This way, the company makes sure
you keep buying their product.
Capitalism for dummies.
(both scream)
Juan, look on the bright side,
you were not bald, you were just a fool.
(laughing)
Bye.
The real bright side
is that this information
can solve the disaster
of your Neanderthal look.
Yes, yes, yes.
I've been analyzing
the composition of the lotion,
and I found applying it
directly on the scalp
can stop the growth of new hair.
I did it!
I got in touch with the Federal Prosecutor
for the Consumer.
I have a radio interview in five minutes
and another one with the news tomorrow.
That's great, Del.
Yes.
I organized an easy plan
we're calling "Perfect Evening."
Wow! I love it!
Well, well, well.
-Ta-da!
-Ta-da!
I wasn't expecting
a table with so much love...
Martín, honestly,
does this date bother you or not?
Of course not, Daddy.
You know your happiness will always be
more important than mine.
Get a thermometer. He's sick.
Move, excuse me,
my gourmet appetizer needs to be
at the perfect temperature.
Excuse me, I need to help Amanda.
Not only is he ill, it's very serious.
Hey, next week, can you take me
to a meeting with the president?
No bus leaves me nearby.
We're having a meeting about the cans.
Yes.
Uh, honey, sometimes
you need to let go a little.
You can't embrace all causes in the world.
Maybe you're right.
-(cell phone chimes)
-Oh!
(gasps) It's the UN.
Yes, maybe the next one. Good luck.
(sighs)
Ah! Good evening, sir,
here we work with tips in advance.
Why are you wearing that costume?
Go upstairs. Sofía will come soon.
It's not a costume, I'm a waiter.
Chueco, it's not funny.
You can't be seen like this.
Go to Delfina's room.
Is this how you treat the friend
who solved your problem?
No, that's how I treat
the friend who caused it.
Do you have any other scanner
to prove that?
No, I don't have a scanner.
But I do have a funnel and macaque soup.
Room, Delfina, quiet, now.
-(doorbell dings)
-Go to Delfina's room.
Open the door, hi, open the door.
-Hi.
-I didn't know if I should bring anything.
No, it's perfect. You didn't need to...
I mean, I didn't expect much.
No. I mean...
I was expecting you, who are perfect.
-May I come in?
-What?
-May I come in?
-Oh, yes, yes, yes. Come in.
Of course we have to establish
stricter regulations
in food quality controls.
A second, I can't hear you.
Hello? Hello?
Macaque Junior, answer, over.
Why am I Macaque Junior?
It's obvious who Macaque Senior is.
-You?
-No, your dad.
Have you put the can in the first course?
No.
Amanda hasn't left yet.
She's acting in her own soap opera.
(gasps) Is it for me?
The award for the best cook in town?
Thank you, you shouldn't have.
(in English) Thank you.
(in Spanish) What? Yes.
Yes, I've had to deal
with a horrible monkey
who eats my chicken, but it's fine.
Ah! Oh! (chuckles)
I present to you my best dish.
So the teacher comes in and says,
"Students, I told you today in class
we'd make you do 20 squats."
And I had my backpack full of ingredients
because I thought he meant 20 quesadillas.
Oh, mes chéries...
Bon appétit.
-Thank you, it looks delicious.
-Yes, yes...
(laughing uncomfortably)
Yes, sorry.
Let's try this.
Mmm!
Lately, Amanda has been using something
that makes everything delicious.
-Mmm.
-Let's see.
Mmm. Mmm?
What is it?
No. What is it? Are you okay?
Are you okay or not?
This is delicious.
-What's in it? It tastes like...
-Like sock.
-Right.
-Like sock.
But in a good way, right?
Right, in a good way.
It reminds me,
once I was in a piano concert
-and the conductor...
-Juan.
-What?
-What's on your face?
-Did you grow a beard?
-No.
No, it's not possible.
It's this lamp, it's a tricky lamp.
It forms shadows.
It's nothing, nothing.
Just a sec, I'll be right back. Eat.
This lamp...
(Juan chuckles)
Perfect, you're a greater conqueror
than Alexander the Great. Ha!
Yes, sir! Yes, sir!
Come on, open the door.
Am I okay? (exhales)
Come on.
(clears throat)
Phase 2 begins.
Next time, add more, we have a lot. Over.
It's easy for you to say.
You're not on the set
of Recipes of Guadalupe.
JUAN: Amandita, can you come here
for a second?
Oops.
Great.
Amanda...
(both snicker)
Where was I? Oh, yes.
He was a disgrace.
The day I caught him cheating on me,
do you know what he said?
"Didn't you want me to exercise more?
Kissing you exercises 34 muscles."
(Juan chuckles)
Pretty quick for a guy
whose brain is in his biceps.
-Excuse me.
-Well, well, well. (chuckles)
-That's it.
-How cute.
That's it.
-Can I tell you the truth?
-Mm-hmm.
I'm tired of pretending, Juan.
Mm-hmm?
I'm not even interested
in dating a sporty man.
(screams)
I prefer someone who's honest.
-What about you?
-Me, honest. Me, honest.
Don't you see a nest here?
Me, honest. (laughs)
You're so silly.
No, I meant what are you looking for?
Uh...
Anyway, you can't imagine
how my fool of an ex
destroyed my self-esteem
and my confidence.
Is anything wrong?
Are you being funny and wearing costumes
while I open up my heart?
-Juan!
-Sorry.
I'll go to the toilet and solve it.
(operatically) ♪ O Sole ♪
This is out of control, son.
You said you'd stop it.
It's an improvised formula!
What do you mean "improvised," Vicente?
I'm eight, Juan.
That's not enough, add more.
Chueco, it's dangerous to put more on.
It's too tight.
But we want today to be tight.
We want them to hold tight.
Chueco, stop it!
Stop you two, start.
Dad, I got the OMS
to launch an international alarm...
Dad?
Stop, everybody!
Don't touch my hair!
I don't care about the alarm, or your age,
or your jokes.
I have a date, and I want to finish it.
Will you help me or not?
(Chueco chuckles)
JUAN: Oh, Sofi, I'm ready, sorry.
I had a quarrel with soap.
Foam here, foam there.
But I'm here now.
I think I'm dreaming.
Well, me too.
What? No, no.
(operatically) ♪ No ♪
I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
(laughs nervously)
You realized, this is part of a musical
we did with my children.
It's "Juan and the Crazy Hair."
I found this kid putting
monkey food in my dishes.
Monkey food?
Macaque soup, Martín?
Really? Is this your fault?
No, I didn't make your hair pink.
You didn't listen when I said your date
would leave me without friends.
You're right, but for the first time
in his life, your father has a da...
(siren blaring)
-Chueco! Go upstairs right...
-(knock at door)
Freeze, FBI.
(gasps)
Where's the radioactive element
"macaque soup"?
Dad, I'm sorry. I can explain!
Why are you pink?
I don't think I'm feeling well.
(all gasp)
And... there.
I have to confess
I've never had a date like this.
Next time you're food poisoned
with monkey food on a date,
tell them Juan Gustozzi went all the way.
I even had the FBI come, Sofi.
Sofi...
I want to tell you something.
Um, I want...
to apologize for not being brave enough
to be honest with you.
People say I can be a little fearful.
Well, today was the day. (chuckles)
I wanted you to like me for me.
But I'm basically a mess.
I like that you're clumsy.
-And that you make bad jokes.
-Yes.
Juan, I don't want you to hide
who you are, you know?
On the contrary,
I want to get to know you.
Always with honesty.
Okay, okay. Always with honesty.
You still have a little...
(sighs)
Ah, how did everything end, champ?
Sofía looked pretty nice with a beard.
It was an unforgettable night.
Ah.
Unforgettable is the chaos you made here.
We almost ended up at the police station.
But I did you a favor.
With that dull date you had planned,
Sofía would have left.
If she comes back,
it's for the "Chueco touch."
What's that?
Nothing, dessert.
Are you eating my new whisk?
Give it to me. Let it go, Chueco.
Look, look, look! The TV.
♪ Macaque soup, macaque soup ♪
♪ Fabulous ♪
♪ Macaque soup, macaque soup ♪
♪ Nutritious ♪
♪ Macaque soup, macaque soup ♪
♪ Macaque soup, macaque ♪
♪ Macaque soup, delicious ♪
♪ Fabulous ♪
♪ Macaque soup, macaque ♪
(closing theme music playing)