C.H.U.E.C.O. (2023–…): Season 1, Episode 13 - Chueco se va - full transcript

♪ Chueco ♪

"CHUECO LEAVES"

(piano playing "Las Mañanitas")

♪ This is the birthday song
King David used to sing ♪

♪ To all the cute chimps
We sing it like this ♪

(piano flourish playing)

Now you can.

Can I blow out the candles now?

No, no, no. One more time.

(piano flourish continues)

Now you can.



(blows)

-Martin...
-Martin! How childish...

Way to go, beast.

Now we can't eat the cake.

You baked it, Amandita,
so it was already inedible.

But you know what? I'll eat it anyway.

No!

Chueco, did you make a wish?

I'll guess what he asked for.

He asked for a convertible, a mansion,
a jet ski, a massage voucher...

Nothing like that.

I've come to understand material things
aren't important, you know?

My only wish is to stay
with this wonderful family

who adopted me a year ago.



And from the bottom of my heart,
thank you, family.

-Aw...
-Give me your hand, Chueco.

I love this non-materialist side,
you've reached places...

So much so, Chueco...
Let me go, that's it.

...that, right now,
I'm going to break your gift.

What? No, wait. Are you crazy, Juan?

Don't even think of it.
Where's my gift? Give it to me.

Dear Chueco, from the Gustozzi family.

Happy birthday. Applause.

(shrieks)

And he got materialistic again.

A trip to the Caribbean!

Dad, are we really going?

Of course. I found some private bungalows,
so Chueco, instead of talking to us,

can talk to the sand,
the palm trees, the fish...

Yeah, he can talk under the water.

I'm going to volunteer
to clean plastic off of the beach.

Anyone else?

No way.

The only plastic I want to see
is the straw in my coconut cocktail.

(cell phone ringing)

I'm with Chueco.

One second. Hello, yes.

The first thing I'll do
is go shark snorkeling.

JUAN: Nooo!

But what happened?

Uncle Giancarlo's lawyer just called

and said they heard
from my uncle's son who lives in Italy.

Impossible!

Chueco, easy.

No, I mean, it must be an illegitimate son

or Gianca would have told me.

The thing is,
according to the Italian legal system,

my uncle's son
should be Chueco's guardian.

ALL: What?

Chueco, they're taking you away.

-Juan! You can't allow that.
-I know.

So, who is that legal system,
and why does it care where Chueco is?

I say if the Italian law
wants to take the chimp,

they'll have to face this Mexican law.

Yes!

JUAN: I don't understand.

My uncle's original will,
that's no longer valid?

No. Not at all.

One more time. Once a child appears,

Alessio,

the Italian law determines
he is the rightful heir.

How can the Italian law be so sure
this man is Giancarlo's son?

It's very simple.

We gathered a copious amount of hair

from Mr. Gustozzi's mansion
and a DNA test was done.

My uncle's mane was something wonderful.

I could have inherited that, right?

Sorry, sorry.

So, who is this cousin of mine? Who is it?

His name is Alessio Lombardi.

RAQUEL: He lives in Bologna
with his wife and two children.

Apparently that Alessio
is a famous violinist in Europe.

But why has he appeared now?

Honey, the smell of money
is much more powerful

than the smell of sweaty chimp.

(chuckles)

You'd sweat like a chimp, too,
if your life was at stake.

Alessio's mother had
an intense love story with Mr. Gustozzi.

-Really?
-Yes, but that story had to end,

because her family
wanted to marry her to a count.

-A count?
-So she marries this count,

but she marries...

-...pregnant.
-Pregnant...?

-Of course, nobody knows.
-Sure.

It was only on her deathbed
that she confessed to Alessio

that his father
wasn't the count, but Gian...

-Carlo!
-Exactly.

When Alessio started
searching for his biological father,

-he found out he's already...
-No...

...passed away. It's a painful story.

-It seems like it's straight out of a...
-Soap opera.

Precisely, in The Rich Can be Poor Too,

Carlos Eduardo

pretends to be
Sergio Gabriel's illegitimate son

to receive the inheritance.

But when Sergio Gabriel is dying,

Carlos Eduardo came to tell him that no,

he wasn't his son, he was his father.

That's biologically impossible.

No, because he had taken a potion
to make him eternally young.

I'm lost.

Quiet!

I need to concentrate to prepare my plan.

So, to sum up,
I need your signature on each page.

It says you've been duly informed...

Ma'am, one second.

I understand, but, beyond the money,

is there anything
we can do so Chueco stays...

stays with us?

No.

-Again, no.
-No, I got it. I got it.

I'm really sorry, but it's the way it is.

There is no way.

But Chueco's secret must remain a secret.

Whatever that is.

Just sign here.

(sighs)

CHUECO: Fine. It's over!

The famous secret

is that this ape can talk.

He got away...

-Fine, as I was saying...
-Yes.

...it's fundamental...

that nobody, except for you, of course,
and Chueco's new family,

know his secret.

So I didn't hear what just happened.

What do you mean?
She's hard of hearing, huh?

I'll say it louder.

As a talking being, I have a right
to express my wishes and opinions.

And my wish is to live
with the Gustozzi family.

Dad, I think you'll have to interpret
what Chueco says to the lady.

Perfect, good idea.

Raquel, Chueco wants to convey to you
that he wants to stay here.

I think I was clear.
It's legally impossible. Please.

One second. Chueco, Raquel says...

I heard her.

Listen, I'm no show monkey
you can move around as you want.

Chueco says...

My duty here is to make sure
the law is followed.

The only law I obey
is the law of the jungle.

And in the Gustozzi pack,

Juan is the alpha male,
and I have to do as he says.

Chueco says I'm the alpha male...

Do you really think I'm the alpha male?

Well...

Let's see. Chueco has no right to decide.

And if we returned the inherited money
to the Lombardi family,

could we keep Chueco?

-What Amanda wants to say...
-Yes, I can hear her.

Raquel, then give us an answer.

We don't care about the money.
We want Chueco.

Would you really be willing
to give up the money for me?

Chueco, we're family.

Mr. Gustozzi arranged
for Chueco to be taken care of,

that the money and Chueco
can't be separated.

She's tough, huh.

Maybe if we cry a little?

Okay. Tears, three, two, one.

So, family, what do we do
to convince them? What?

I've thought it over.
We have to make them dislike Chueco.

(chuckles) Hey, Vicentito,
that's impossible.

What can I say?

I'm the George Clooney of apes.

Cute, talented, one-of-a-kind...
With me, it's love at first sight.

Yeah, well...

We love you very much, Chuequito,

but sometimes you can be
a little and a lot...

More like quite a whole lot...

Even a little too much...

Ah, so that's what you think of me.

Well, maybe the new family
will appreciate me a little more.

Chueco, come on. Don't get like that.

We all have our flaws,
but we still love each other.

Without you, we'd die of sadness.

Okay, okay, I get it.

But I still don't know what to do
to be unbearable.

That's my plan. You have to act
like a tyrant, throw tantrums.

-A dictator.
-Arbitrary.

-Overwhelming.
-Superficial.

Don't look at me, you know
I don't know many words.

But you can burp at the table.
That's cool and gross.

There, finally, a good idea!

(belches)

(all hooting)

Smile one, smile two.
Okay, it's show time.

Welco...!

(ethereal music playing)

-Hi, nice to meet you. Juan Gustozzi.
-Hello.

Hello, Alessio. Likewise. My wife, Elena.
From Buenos Aires, like you.

-Argentinian? Welcome.
-Yes. Thank you.

And these are our children.
Lucía, Leonardo.

-Your children are great.
-Thank you.

Hi, well. This is my...

She is Delfina. Tie up your hair.

He's Martin.

And Vicente, who's the best
of the bunch, is in the kitchen.

There's Amanda, the soul of our home.

-Un piacere, concerle.
-Il piacere è nostro, parla italiano?

A few words, I don't parlo italiano.

We won't talk
about Amanda's Italian lessons,

or we would be here all day.

-It's so quiet, where's...?
-Juan.

You know, I saw you in 2002, playing
with the Buenos Aires Philharmonic.

Yes, sir.

-Brahms...
-Brahms...

-Piano concert...
-Number two.

What a pleasure.

Let's not talk about piano concerts,
or we will be here all day.

Quiet, Amandi.

But tell me, what did you think?

Beautiful. I was touring
Latin America a lot at that time.

-Music?
-Among other things.

How are you? I wanted to meet you.

Really?

I saw online how you saved
the sanctuary in the Lacandon jungle.

-Impressive.
-Oh, it was nothing.

My girlfriend Emma helped me with that.

Do you like environmental issues too?

Lucía is president of Greenpeace
at her high school.

And Delfina is...

Delfina is... she's very feisty.

I wanted to meet my cousin, too,
the ball wizard.

-How do you know?
-I looked you up online too.

You scored a goal in your school final.
And Vicente's experiment.

That doesn't matter,
but do you like soccer?

I love soccer and chemistry.

Martin too. He's a chemistry fan.

We can't get him out of the books.

You must be the genius chef
who made all these wonders.

I wouldn't say a genius.

-How nice!
-Thank you.

-Welcome. We're glad you're here.
-Thank you.

It's beautiful.

(metal clanking)

Your conversation
must be really interesting,

because everybody's forgetting
about the chimp

who's the reason
for this nice family reunion.

-Chue...
-Chueco.

(Juan murmuring)

JUAN: Let me introduce you to Chueco.

As you may have noticed, Chueco can talk.

Qual è il miracolo della scienza questa?

My husband wants to know what
this miracle of science is, and me too.

-It was the year...
-No, please.

We'd like to hear it from Chueco.

Amazing. A human with manners.

Amanda, did you see? Look, it's possible.

You see, my friend Giancarlo
discovered that altering a gene...

Gene FoxP2!

You had to be human.

Sorry, I got too enthusiastic.
But I'm a vet...

She said she's a vet.

And now I like you even less.

In my doctoral thesis, I stated

that chimpanzees
are more intelligent than humans.

But, as they "can't talk,"
it can't be proven.

But... Honey!

So now you're my new favorite person.

Chueco, a pleasure to meet you.

A dream come true.

I know, I know.

Chueco doesn't like to be touched...

Sorry to interrupt this wonderful moment.

I do need you to understand

this ability Chueco has of talking,

of talking all the time, annoyingly...

it's a secret that has to be kept.

-Would you give us a minute?
-Yes, sure.

Family meeting.

Can you tell me what you're doing?

Why aren't you doing what we talked about?

You're charming them.

I told you, it's very hard
to restrain my charisma.

Bring out
your rude and aggressive charisma,

or the Lombardis will get you
a first-class ticket to Italy.

Ah, I'm going to Italy in first-class.

(clearing throat simultaneously)

The family has discussed,

and we feel we're completely able
to keep Chueco's secret.

No. It's not about
your ability as a family,

it's about Chueco's ability
to keep his secret.

Yes, maybe. Juan is right.

I can be a little impulsive.

Once Juan had to convince our neighbor

he was a ventriloquist so he didn't know
I was the one talking.

Be ruder.

-More?
-More.

Okay.

Maid! I want my coconut dessert. Now!

Please, that's awful, Chueco,
how can you talk to Amanda like this?

Chueco.

I brought coconut dessert for you,
made by me.

No, really?

And my specialty.

Macarons.

Macarons...

Alessio's specialty is pastries.

What a coincidence.
Mine is eating pastries.

Hey, these Italian guys
have an excellent sense of humor.

Lucía.

When Chueco lives with you,
you can forget about having friends over.

Don't worry.

We have a huge villa, and Chueco's house

will be far from the main house

and he won't bother anyone.

But Chueco is very sociable.
He can't be alone all day.

Well, this was a surprise for Chueco,

but since you look worried,
we can tell you now.

What are we talking about?

Chueco will never be alone.

He'll be accompanied by Lulú and Cocó.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Hold on. Who's Cocó? Who's Lulú?

I warn you, I'm not friends with any pet.

They're two chimp sisters
I rescued from a lab last year.

They now live with us.

(shrieks)

(chattering)

Chueco.

I've never seen you
act more like an ape, Chueco.

-Meeting in the kitchen, please.
-Yes, please. Let's go.

Easy. The image is enough.

-Juan.
-Yes?

I've already told the lawyer this, but...

we'll give you half the money
of your uncle's inheritance.

(imitates monkey chatter)

Oh, Juan!
I've never seen you act so human.

Lulú and Cocó are really cute!

See you in a bit.

This is the plan.

Chueco, you say you forgot
something in your room,

jump out of the window,
and I'll be there waiting in my van.

If I drive all night,

by tomorrow morning we'll be
at my parents' house in Sayulita.

We've got to hide him.

Okay. Amanda is right.
That's a possibility.

But we have to accept it,
the Lombardis are awesome!

They're angels.

-Don't you see it?
-What?

The Lombardis
do the same we do, but better.

Do you mean...?

There's something fishy here.

Okay, family, we have to get it together
and make a decision.

I'm sorry, Chueco,
but the responsibility is all yours.

Look, I'm very worried
about Lulú and Cocó.

Yes. A friend would be good for them,

someone who can understand them,
entertain them...

I feel it's my responsibility.

I have no choice. I have to go with them.

Fine. Then in this clause, Mr. Lombardi

becomes the official guardian
of Chueco and his secret.

Logical. And also, Mr. Gustozzi
obtains four million dollars,

courtesy of Mr. Lombardi, in an act
of courage and ultimate generosity.

Before we finish, I'd like to say
that if, for any reason,

you as a family decide
to go back on this transaction,

we'd be thrilled
to welcome Chueco back into our home.

Sorry, but I have to interrupt

because for any change in any clause,
I have to charge you extra.

No, I think what Juan means

is just to be sure we're going
to take good care of Chueco, right?

-Is that your fear?
-Mm-hmm.

I promise we will.
We will take good care of Chueco.

I promise you for me, for my daughter.

I promise you for my son.

I promise you por la mia moglie.

-I also promise...
-I think we get it.

We'll wait for you outside, Chueco.

Take your time.

Alessio, thank you
for giving us space as a family.

-Please.
-Chueco will be out in a second.

Okay, family.

Chueco has to say goodbye.

Amandita, I'll miss your dry chicken.

Oh, and you're the furry lousy beast
I've loved the most ever.

Come and give me a hug!

No, you smell like a strainer.

Okay. Oh, Chuequito...

And you, Martin,
keep up Chueco's tradition.

You listen, huh?

Don't let a week go by without mischief.

-I've taught you a lot, haven't I?
-I won't, master.

-Brother.
-Oh, brother.

And you, Del, promise me
The Lunatics won't split up

now that I won't be here
to drive your career.

I promise.

Some day we'll go to Bologna
to play in your honor.

Yes!

And you, Vicentito,
listen, don't change a bit.

You're great just as you are.

Chueco, I had so many things to teach you.

-I love you!
-Me too.

And you, Juan,

you're a mess as a father.

You're the most infuriating creature
I've ever met.

You're also a mess
in any practical aspect of life.

Anywhere you go, mayhem breaks out.

Now that I won't be here to prevent it,

you'll be tricked a thousand times.

Chueco, you tricked me
more than a thousand times.

Yes, but I was careful.

Because I know you have
the biggest heart in the world.

You're my best friend, Chueco.

(Juan and Chueco whimpering)

There, there, there. That's it.

Figure out what you need to do
to bring the Gustozzi family to Italy.

I'll be waiting for you.

(sighs)

I just want you to know...

I ate all the supper
while I was waiting in the kitchen.

The first-class ticket is for real, huh?

(Chueco vocalizing)

(chuckles)

And my new family? Where are they?

-Chuequito.
-(ominous music playing)

I'm glad to see you again.
It's been so long.

-(chuckles)
-(gasps)

Macarato!

Chuequito forgot his suitcase.

Classic Chueco.

-We've been deceived!
-What?

The Lombardis aren't taking Chueco.

No, it's not possible. No.

(car revving)

Family!

(in unison) Chueco!

♪ Chueco ♪

(theme music playing)