C.H.U.E.C.O. (2023–…): Season 1, Episode 12 - Chueco poseso - full transcript
Chueco watches a horror movie and is determined to communicate with the spirit of Uncle Giancarlo using a Ouija board. Things obviously don't go according to his plans, and the spirit possesses Chueco's body. They finally manage to get it out of him, but Giancarlo refuses to leave. He starts to possess the rest of the family. Things soon become very strange.
♪ Chueco ♪
"VALENTINE'S DAY"
This TV has top picture quality.
Totally different to the matchbox
we used to have.
This one is 70 inches.
Ah, we apes know
that the more it itches, the better. Ha!
I'm changing to soccer now.
What? No! What are you doing?
Leave it there. Don't touch it.
It's in the middle of the episode.
If I stop watching now,
the neighbor's parrot,
who's such a bigmouth,
will surely spoil it.
How can you spoil a documentary?
It's not a documentary,
it's a reality show.
My dad Tongo was the main character
in Furry Primates, season three.
They called him "the handsome ape."
I got something of that, right?
Very good! I heard all I needed to hear.
What are you doing, Juan?
-You're being tested.
-A test?
Martin, I'd never do that to you.
I was talking to Chueco, son.
A vet?
No, Chueco, no. It's just a person
who wants to observe you.
You know, Gustavo is working
on this soap opera, what's it called?
-Ah, Wild Passions?
-Right. Do you like it?
Not at all. I like it even less
than Amanda's food.
So, Gustavo wants
the protagonist to like him,
Fernando de la Rosa, a very handsome guy.
And he plays a kid who grew up
in a family of gorillas.
So Gustavo asked me to come here
with this Fernando,
so they could observe your...
well, your behavior, Chueco.
-(chattering)
-(Fernando imitates monkey chatter)
-Ah!
-Ah!
(both grunting)
(both chattering)
(snarls)
(Fernando chattering)
Quite a character.
So, how was I?
I'll go get a treat.
This is for you, Chuequito.
Please, Fernando,
make yourself comfortable.
I have never seen
such an acting exercise, please.
Artist to artist, I ask you,
your manager works with composers, right?
Excuse me, I thought
our great actor might be hungry.
Don't faint, please.
These tamales are a poem.
Oh, Fernando, thank you.
Excuse Juan for not introducing us,
he's so rude.
I'm Amanda, general director
and manager of this house,
and I'm at your service.
Whatever you need.
If you want me to wash your shirt,
or iron your shirt,
or anything that means
you taking off your shirt...
At your service.
Juan, here you have a real master
in the culinary art.
(giggles)
And she's barely what? 37?
Almost. Reverse those numbers like this,
and that's her age. But well, that's it.
Fernando, now that you're here,
I feel soundtracks are my thing,
and I'd like to show you my art, may I?
Of course.
Animals need our help!
Come on, you just need to sign!
A little doodle...
Free hamburgers!
Animals in danger!
Animals in danger...
Listen, girls, what's this fuss?
It's a peaceful protest.
It's not peaceful to my ears.
And you're not wearing the uniform,
why is that?
You know what? You're grounded.
You'll have to clean the teachers' lounge
every afternoon,
all week. All week.
-All week?
-All week?
Yes. All week.
-But Friday is Valentine's Day.
-No buts.
What?
But... but, what are you doing?
Shut it! You've been watching
that documentary for two weeks.
-The TV isn't yours.
-But... but...
What do you mean it's not mine?
You bought it for me
because of the 70 itches.
(laughs sarcastically) Inches, Chueco.
Yeah, it itches.
No, no, come on. Don't change it.
Chueco, please, I'm...
Chueco, calm down.
Amanda's new crush will fade quickly.
She always goes back to Chayanne.
I need the TV to watch my reality.
That ridiculous Fernando
is a complete lie.
(shrieks)
I know, I know, I know!
You can pretend
you're Fernando de la Rosa.
You write Amanda a letter full of insults.
She won't like him.
Amanda won't believe it, though...
A letter, with some changes...
I don't know... A "Fernando" here...
A rose over there...
This letter will make her horrified
of Fernando for good.
Ahh...
I don't get it.
Amanda, Amanda.
I met this actor,
the one from yesterday, this...
He gave me this letter for you.
-(gasps) Fernando de la Rosa?
-That's the one. Let's read it.
We won't read it. Give it to me.
"Fernando de la Rosa,
your faithful lover."
I knew it, I knew we had chemistry.
In my good days,
men like Fernando, they fought over me.
-In ancient times. (laughs)
-AMANDA: Oh, Chueco.
"My wild passion,
I can't stop thinking about you
since yesterday.
When I looked into your eyes,
I could only think of kissing you and..."
(chuckles)
Oh, that's something! How... how bold.
We're made for each other.
Yes, my wild passion, I agree with you.
The chicken! Oh!
Uh, but...
But what chicken? Amanda!
That was not the plan.
(Juan laughing)
(sniffing)
No! No, chicken, who did this to you?
(screams)
It's too hot.
"Fernando de la Rosa...
your faithful lover"?
Calm down, Juan. Calm down, Juan.
"My wild passion, I can't stop
thinking about you since yesterday.
When I looked into your eyes,
I could only think of..."
(exclaims)
(Chueco giggles)
No, fool, you ate her lover's louse.
Oh, that's crazy. (laughs)
-Your name was Chueco, right?
-What's up, Juancito?
I seduced him unintentionally.
Read and learn.
Let me see.
Listen, this letter...
I won't deny it. He sure is attractive.
But he'll have to accept a no from me.
My magnetism is uncontrollable.
Do you want to try it?
If you have any kind of magnetism,
it's your fridge face.
This letter...
No, Juan, this letter is mine!
-Please, what happened to your face?
-Nothing, that's Amanda.
No, that letter is mine.
No, woman, this letter is mine.
See, "agile hands," hello.
"Raspberry lips," hello.
If he talked about your mouth,
he'd say dry chili lips.
(exclaims)
(Chueco laughs) She got you, Juancito.
Amanda is lethal when she wants to be.
Give me a sec
and you'll see what's lethal.
Listen, Amanda, you're blinded.
You have to accept I'm the object
of desire of many women...
and men.
That letter is mine.
That letter is mine.
Well, maybe the letter is mine.
You never know.
This creature even smells of roses.
Enjoy yourselves. I'm jealous, Chueco.
(chatters)
Filthy creature.
I smell of puddle.
(chattering)
Another child?
What's this, the monster house?
What do you have there?
This is Whiskers, for my Science homework.
It's a hamster.
(screaming)
(laughing)
Is that chimp laughing at me?
Wait, who are you?
Who am I? Who are you? Brat!
I am Fernando de la Rosa,
protagonist of...
How are things over here?
...and a hopeless lover of children,
that's who I am.
Go play with your mouse, kid.
Everything okay?
Perfect, yes, we had
some domestic issues to resolve,
but everything's cool now.
Fernando, hey, it's Juan, the pianist
with little hair and little talent.
I wanted to invite you back to my house
to study Chueco,
the beautiful ape I introduced you to.
Can you tell me what you are doing?
Why are you inviting him?
It all went wrong.
We'll have to switch to plan B.
Have you seen the time? We're running
out of time to collect signatures.
(clears throat) Del...
I wanted to ask you
if you'd like to have a...
Meeting with the student board
to report this immoral
and unfair treatment?
No. No, I feel we have...
To put up with a too critical attitude
from the teachers? Yes.
No. No, no, no, Del.
It's Valentine's Day,
and we're here, just the two of us,
and I wanted to tell you that...
Wait!
Students from Los Tejos School,
the animal sanctuary
in the Lacandon Jungle
is in danger, and it needs our help.
(telephone rings)
-Hello?
-(Muzak plays over telephone)
-Who was it?
-(laughs nervously) Run.
So the plan is to stay
and live here forever?
Yes, we could survive eating mosquitos
and when they're gone,
we can cook the board.
No...
There's no more time
to collect signatures.
We didn't get enough.
The sanctuary will be destroyed.
This was useless and...
And we didn't go to the party.
Didn't you say you didn't want to go?
I mean, yes, well...
I used to love Valentine's Day. A lot.
My mom would pick me up from school
and take me to the movies.
She'd buy me chocolates...
She said it was the day to celebrate
all kinds of love, not just romantic love.
And then, well... she died.
And I became disinterested.
And that's why I no longer celebrate
any kind of love.
What do you mean?
Your love for the world
is the most authentic I've ever seen.
And I'm sure your mom
would be super proud.
You think?
Even if I've been grounded like 117 times?
Maybe she wouldn't love so much
the part where we decide to live here
and eat mosquitos,
but the rest, I'm sure she'd love it.
Like I do.
That's so nice.
So nice.
So nice.
(emotional music playing on TV)
Wonderful, please, Fernando.
Your performance was great.
What do you say, should we toast?
Oh, yes...
-What shall we get? Some wine?
-No, champagne.
No, Fernando likes wine.
-No, champagne.
-You want wine, right?
-JUAN: He said wine...
-AMANDA: Champagne, champagne.
I'm here.
I'm sorry, what's this monster doing here?
You're the actor who's financing
the destruction of the animal sanctuary.
Excuse me? I don't know
what you're talking about.
By the way, how many more children
are going to show up here?
I'm the youngest, but the most adult.
Excuse me,
do you have any idea how many animals
are suffering because of your whim?
I repeat, pubertal screamer...
I don't know what you're talking about.
Now I am... a pubertal screamer!
Can you tell me, then, who this guy is
and why he is in all the pages
of this great injustice?
He's a very lucky gentleman.
Because he looks just like me.
-(Chueco chuckles)
-(mouse squeaking)
A mouse. A mouse. Oh!
(Fernando shouting)
A mouse, a mouse!
-(squeaking continues)
-(shrieks)
What's going on here?
-And your muscles of steel?
-And your hair?
What are you looking at?
What are you looking at?
You know what? This house is a zoo.
I hate monkeys, I hate children.
Here it's all either one or the other.
You know what?
Yes, I'm building a mega resort
in that sanctuary full of monkeys.
Do you know why?
Because that freaking monkey reality show
filmed in that sanctuary...
beats us in the ratings every week.
And this family...
led by this lady with emotional needs...
(both gasp)
...a failed pseudo-pianist...
(both gasp)
The most ridiculous thing I've ever seen.
You know what?
I am the most important thing
that happened to you. Me!
-And I'm leaving.
-You missed an arm.
Wait, wait.
Before leaving, you'll want to talk to me,
because I've been recording everything.
Fine!
If you don't want me to post this video,
you'll have to stop the destruction
of the sanctuary.
Fine. You win.
But, hey, I have lawyers.
Well, one lawyer.
A neighbor who is a lawyer...
That was exciting, wasn't it?
(Delfina squeals)
I liked you before,
but now I feel like I'm going to explode.
Wait, what, how?
Do you like me?
Yes, wasn't it obvious?
My girl has found love and I...
I haven't.
Not only are you alone,
your behavior these last few days
was terrible, Amanda.
Shut up, Juanito...
What? I don't remember anything.
-Me neither.
-Cheers!
-Cheers.
-Shall we go eat?
-Let's. Bye.
-After you.
Love, love...
♪ Chueco ♪
-(doorbell dings)
-JUAN AND AMANDA: I won't go.
Who said it first?
Hi, how are you? Good morning.
I'm looking for a package and I wanted
to see if it was left here by mistake.
You're Tommy Muñoz, the DJ!
Yes, I am. Yes, yes.
What are you doing here?
-I'm looking for a lost package.
-No, I mean here, in Mexico.
Excuse me, I didn't want to interrupt,
but Amanda is conducting an interrogation.
No, Juan, I'm a superfan of Tommy.
Every time I go to festivals,
I listen to his Latin remixes.
Amanda, what's that with the door?
-Calm down. Are you a musician?
-Exactly.
We can play piano four hands
whenever you want.
Juan, you don't get it. Excuse him.
About the package. Have you seen it?
It's a pair of professional headphones
and I really need them.
-Excuse me, professional headphones?
-Yes.
Um, no, sir, we haven't seen them.
But if we have any news,
we'll get in touch with you.
We'd never keep something that's not ours.
You can leave me your number
and I'll call you as soon...
Too much.
No. Thank you. I'll come by again.
Yes, please. Very kind.
You could come by on my birthday
to play some music.
-Amanda!
-Juan...
-(dance music playing)
-(Chueco scat singing)
These headphones I found are awesome!
-Chueco!
-Chueco!
(theme music playing)
Translated by: Ianina Antonetti
"VALENTINE'S DAY"
This TV has top picture quality.
Totally different to the matchbox
we used to have.
This one is 70 inches.
Ah, we apes know
that the more it itches, the better. Ha!
I'm changing to soccer now.
What? No! What are you doing?
Leave it there. Don't touch it.
It's in the middle of the episode.
If I stop watching now,
the neighbor's parrot,
who's such a bigmouth,
will surely spoil it.
How can you spoil a documentary?
It's not a documentary,
it's a reality show.
My dad Tongo was the main character
in Furry Primates, season three.
They called him "the handsome ape."
I got something of that, right?
Very good! I heard all I needed to hear.
What are you doing, Juan?
-You're being tested.
-A test?
Martin, I'd never do that to you.
I was talking to Chueco, son.
A vet?
No, Chueco, no. It's just a person
who wants to observe you.
You know, Gustavo is working
on this soap opera, what's it called?
-Ah, Wild Passions?
-Right. Do you like it?
Not at all. I like it even less
than Amanda's food.
So, Gustavo wants
the protagonist to like him,
Fernando de la Rosa, a very handsome guy.
And he plays a kid who grew up
in a family of gorillas.
So Gustavo asked me to come here
with this Fernando,
so they could observe your...
well, your behavior, Chueco.
-(chattering)
-(Fernando imitates monkey chatter)
-Ah!
-Ah!
(both grunting)
(both chattering)
(snarls)
(Fernando chattering)
Quite a character.
So, how was I?
I'll go get a treat.
This is for you, Chuequito.
Please, Fernando,
make yourself comfortable.
I have never seen
such an acting exercise, please.
Artist to artist, I ask you,
your manager works with composers, right?
Excuse me, I thought
our great actor might be hungry.
Don't faint, please.
These tamales are a poem.
Oh, Fernando, thank you.
Excuse Juan for not introducing us,
he's so rude.
I'm Amanda, general director
and manager of this house,
and I'm at your service.
Whatever you need.
If you want me to wash your shirt,
or iron your shirt,
or anything that means
you taking off your shirt...
At your service.
Juan, here you have a real master
in the culinary art.
(giggles)
And she's barely what? 37?
Almost. Reverse those numbers like this,
and that's her age. But well, that's it.
Fernando, now that you're here,
I feel soundtracks are my thing,
and I'd like to show you my art, may I?
Of course.
Animals need our help!
Come on, you just need to sign!
A little doodle...
Free hamburgers!
Animals in danger!
Animals in danger...
Listen, girls, what's this fuss?
It's a peaceful protest.
It's not peaceful to my ears.
And you're not wearing the uniform,
why is that?
You know what? You're grounded.
You'll have to clean the teachers' lounge
every afternoon,
all week. All week.
-All week?
-All week?
Yes. All week.
-But Friday is Valentine's Day.
-No buts.
What?
But... but, what are you doing?
Shut it! You've been watching
that documentary for two weeks.
-The TV isn't yours.
-But... but...
What do you mean it's not mine?
You bought it for me
because of the 70 itches.
(laughs sarcastically) Inches, Chueco.
Yeah, it itches.
No, no, come on. Don't change it.
Chueco, please, I'm...
Chueco, calm down.
Amanda's new crush will fade quickly.
She always goes back to Chayanne.
I need the TV to watch my reality.
That ridiculous Fernando
is a complete lie.
(shrieks)
I know, I know, I know!
You can pretend
you're Fernando de la Rosa.
You write Amanda a letter full of insults.
She won't like him.
Amanda won't believe it, though...
A letter, with some changes...
I don't know... A "Fernando" here...
A rose over there...
This letter will make her horrified
of Fernando for good.
Ahh...
I don't get it.
Amanda, Amanda.
I met this actor,
the one from yesterday, this...
He gave me this letter for you.
-(gasps) Fernando de la Rosa?
-That's the one. Let's read it.
We won't read it. Give it to me.
"Fernando de la Rosa,
your faithful lover."
I knew it, I knew we had chemistry.
In my good days,
men like Fernando, they fought over me.
-In ancient times. (laughs)
-AMANDA: Oh, Chueco.
"My wild passion,
I can't stop thinking about you
since yesterday.
When I looked into your eyes,
I could only think of kissing you and..."
(chuckles)
Oh, that's something! How... how bold.
We're made for each other.
Yes, my wild passion, I agree with you.
The chicken! Oh!
Uh, but...
But what chicken? Amanda!
That was not the plan.
(Juan laughing)
(sniffing)
No! No, chicken, who did this to you?
(screams)
It's too hot.
"Fernando de la Rosa...
your faithful lover"?
Calm down, Juan. Calm down, Juan.
"My wild passion, I can't stop
thinking about you since yesterday.
When I looked into your eyes,
I could only think of..."
(exclaims)
(Chueco giggles)
No, fool, you ate her lover's louse.
Oh, that's crazy. (laughs)
-Your name was Chueco, right?
-What's up, Juancito?
I seduced him unintentionally.
Read and learn.
Let me see.
Listen, this letter...
I won't deny it. He sure is attractive.
But he'll have to accept a no from me.
My magnetism is uncontrollable.
Do you want to try it?
If you have any kind of magnetism,
it's your fridge face.
This letter...
No, Juan, this letter is mine!
-Please, what happened to your face?
-Nothing, that's Amanda.
No, that letter is mine.
No, woman, this letter is mine.
See, "agile hands," hello.
"Raspberry lips," hello.
If he talked about your mouth,
he'd say dry chili lips.
(exclaims)
(Chueco laughs) She got you, Juancito.
Amanda is lethal when she wants to be.
Give me a sec
and you'll see what's lethal.
Listen, Amanda, you're blinded.
You have to accept I'm the object
of desire of many women...
and men.
That letter is mine.
That letter is mine.
Well, maybe the letter is mine.
You never know.
This creature even smells of roses.
Enjoy yourselves. I'm jealous, Chueco.
(chatters)
Filthy creature.
I smell of puddle.
(chattering)
Another child?
What's this, the monster house?
What do you have there?
This is Whiskers, for my Science homework.
It's a hamster.
(screaming)
(laughing)
Is that chimp laughing at me?
Wait, who are you?
Who am I? Who are you? Brat!
I am Fernando de la Rosa,
protagonist of...
How are things over here?
...and a hopeless lover of children,
that's who I am.
Go play with your mouse, kid.
Everything okay?
Perfect, yes, we had
some domestic issues to resolve,
but everything's cool now.
Fernando, hey, it's Juan, the pianist
with little hair and little talent.
I wanted to invite you back to my house
to study Chueco,
the beautiful ape I introduced you to.
Can you tell me what you are doing?
Why are you inviting him?
It all went wrong.
We'll have to switch to plan B.
Have you seen the time? We're running
out of time to collect signatures.
(clears throat) Del...
I wanted to ask you
if you'd like to have a...
Meeting with the student board
to report this immoral
and unfair treatment?
No. No, I feel we have...
To put up with a too critical attitude
from the teachers? Yes.
No. No, no, no, Del.
It's Valentine's Day,
and we're here, just the two of us,
and I wanted to tell you that...
Wait!
Students from Los Tejos School,
the animal sanctuary
in the Lacandon Jungle
is in danger, and it needs our help.
(telephone rings)
-Hello?
-(Muzak plays over telephone)
-Who was it?
-(laughs nervously) Run.
So the plan is to stay
and live here forever?
Yes, we could survive eating mosquitos
and when they're gone,
we can cook the board.
No...
There's no more time
to collect signatures.
We didn't get enough.
The sanctuary will be destroyed.
This was useless and...
And we didn't go to the party.
Didn't you say you didn't want to go?
I mean, yes, well...
I used to love Valentine's Day. A lot.
My mom would pick me up from school
and take me to the movies.
She'd buy me chocolates...
She said it was the day to celebrate
all kinds of love, not just romantic love.
And then, well... she died.
And I became disinterested.
And that's why I no longer celebrate
any kind of love.
What do you mean?
Your love for the world
is the most authentic I've ever seen.
And I'm sure your mom
would be super proud.
You think?
Even if I've been grounded like 117 times?
Maybe she wouldn't love so much
the part where we decide to live here
and eat mosquitos,
but the rest, I'm sure she'd love it.
Like I do.
That's so nice.
So nice.
So nice.
(emotional music playing on TV)
Wonderful, please, Fernando.
Your performance was great.
What do you say, should we toast?
Oh, yes...
-What shall we get? Some wine?
-No, champagne.
No, Fernando likes wine.
-No, champagne.
-You want wine, right?
-JUAN: He said wine...
-AMANDA: Champagne, champagne.
I'm here.
I'm sorry, what's this monster doing here?
You're the actor who's financing
the destruction of the animal sanctuary.
Excuse me? I don't know
what you're talking about.
By the way, how many more children
are going to show up here?
I'm the youngest, but the most adult.
Excuse me,
do you have any idea how many animals
are suffering because of your whim?
I repeat, pubertal screamer...
I don't know what you're talking about.
Now I am... a pubertal screamer!
Can you tell me, then, who this guy is
and why he is in all the pages
of this great injustice?
He's a very lucky gentleman.
Because he looks just like me.
-(Chueco chuckles)
-(mouse squeaking)
A mouse. A mouse. Oh!
(Fernando shouting)
A mouse, a mouse!
-(squeaking continues)
-(shrieks)
What's going on here?
-And your muscles of steel?
-And your hair?
What are you looking at?
What are you looking at?
You know what? This house is a zoo.
I hate monkeys, I hate children.
Here it's all either one or the other.
You know what?
Yes, I'm building a mega resort
in that sanctuary full of monkeys.
Do you know why?
Because that freaking monkey reality show
filmed in that sanctuary...
beats us in the ratings every week.
And this family...
led by this lady with emotional needs...
(both gasp)
...a failed pseudo-pianist...
(both gasp)
The most ridiculous thing I've ever seen.
You know what?
I am the most important thing
that happened to you. Me!
-And I'm leaving.
-You missed an arm.
Wait, wait.
Before leaving, you'll want to talk to me,
because I've been recording everything.
Fine!
If you don't want me to post this video,
you'll have to stop the destruction
of the sanctuary.
Fine. You win.
But, hey, I have lawyers.
Well, one lawyer.
A neighbor who is a lawyer...
That was exciting, wasn't it?
(Delfina squeals)
I liked you before,
but now I feel like I'm going to explode.
Wait, what, how?
Do you like me?
Yes, wasn't it obvious?
My girl has found love and I...
I haven't.
Not only are you alone,
your behavior these last few days
was terrible, Amanda.
Shut up, Juanito...
What? I don't remember anything.
-Me neither.
-Cheers!
-Cheers.
-Shall we go eat?
-Let's. Bye.
-After you.
Love, love...
♪ Chueco ♪
-(doorbell dings)
-JUAN AND AMANDA: I won't go.
Who said it first?
Hi, how are you? Good morning.
I'm looking for a package and I wanted
to see if it was left here by mistake.
You're Tommy Muñoz, the DJ!
Yes, I am. Yes, yes.
What are you doing here?
-I'm looking for a lost package.
-No, I mean here, in Mexico.
Excuse me, I didn't want to interrupt,
but Amanda is conducting an interrogation.
No, Juan, I'm a superfan of Tommy.
Every time I go to festivals,
I listen to his Latin remixes.
Amanda, what's that with the door?
-Calm down. Are you a musician?
-Exactly.
We can play piano four hands
whenever you want.
Juan, you don't get it. Excuse him.
About the package. Have you seen it?
It's a pair of professional headphones
and I really need them.
-Excuse me, professional headphones?
-Yes.
Um, no, sir, we haven't seen them.
But if we have any news,
we'll get in touch with you.
We'd never keep something that's not ours.
You can leave me your number
and I'll call you as soon...
Too much.
No. Thank you. I'll come by again.
Yes, please. Very kind.
You could come by on my birthday
to play some music.
-Amanda!
-Juan...
-(dance music playing)
-(Chueco scat singing)
These headphones I found are awesome!
-Chueco!
-Chueco!
(theme music playing)
Translated by: Ianina Antonetti