Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1996–2003): Season 7, Episode 5 - Selfless - full transcript

Previously on
Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

You seem determined
to put an end to all my fun,

just like you always did
when we were dating.

You dated a troll?

Well, he wasn't a troll then.

He was just
a big, dumb guy.

- Where is everyone?
- At the new high school.

Buffy's got some kind
of job there.

Spike's insane
in the basement.

- Willow?
- There you are.

We're really glad
that you're back.



Did you turn this nice lady's ex
into a giant worm monster?

Yes.

I got the impression
that you enjoy inflicting...

Causing pain sounds
really cool, I know,

but turns out
it's really upsetting.

- Didn't used to be.
- It's the talk of the order.

- They're calling you Miss Soft Serve.
- Excuse me?

No death, no eviscerations, you're not
goading women into anything inventive,

and you're not delivering
when it is.

It was a glitch. I am
so back in the vengeance fold.

My advice to you is do exactly what
everyone else does all the time.

- Got it.
- Do what everyone else does,

wear what everyone else wears,
say what everyone else says.

- Okay.
- People may say something to you you don't understand.



Just don't be afraid to keep your mouth shut
and pretend like you know what they're saying.

You know, Dawn,
I've been to college before.

People may say something like, "My
protein window closes in an hour."

Just nod and smile.
"Mm-hmm."

Turns out it has something
to do with fitness.

Have you talked
to her lately?

Not since that night
with the Gnarl demon.

And that wasn't exactly the kind of
"How have you been?" kind of talking.

More the "Pierce its eye with
something sharp" kind of talking.

I'm thinking
I should call her.

I just don't want you
to get your hopes up.

"- Hopes"?
- - Oh, no, no, no.

There are no hopes. Anya and I are done.
I love being single.

I'm a strong, successful male
who's giddy at the thought...

of all the women I will no doubt
be dating in the near future.

Strong, successful males
say "giddy"?

- I just worry about her. That's all.
- Anya?

Yeah. She seems so sad.

She should try acting
like everybody else more.

Apparently, it's what all the
kids are doin' nowadays.

Well, I'm not sure
I get the sad vibe,

but there's definitely a vengeance
vibe worth worrying about.

Oh, that? No, no.
I don't worry about that.

She was hurt, and she just
turned back to what she knew...

when I, you know.

But that's not her anymore.
I hope you're right.

She turned that worm guy back before
any real damage happened, right?

It'll just
take some time.

I really think
she's coming around.

What have I done?

I don't trust
what I see anymore.

I don't know how
to explain it exactly.

It's like I've been
seein' things.

Dru used to see things,
you know?

She'd always be starin' up at the
sky watchin' cherubs burn...

or the heavens bleed
or some nonsense.

I used to stare at her and think she'd
gone completely "sack of hammers."

But she'd see the sky
when we were inside,

and it'd make her so happy.

She'd see showers.
She'd see stars.

Now I see her.

Spike.
I'm in trouble, Buffy.

I can help you.

I could never ask,
not after...

It's different.
You're different.

I could never ask.

Spike, it's me.

It's you and it's me,
and we'll get through this.

Never.

We'll get through this.

Spike.
This basement is killing you.

This is the Hellmouth. There
is something bad down here...

Possibly everything bad.

Can't hear you.
Can't hear you.

You have a soul?
Fine. Show me.

Scream "Montressor"
all you like, pet.

Get up and get out
of this basement.

I don't have
anywhere else to go.

It's not like I've been gone for that long, and
I've already done all the reading I missed.

And I can sign up... Willow, Willow.
It's okay.

We'll get you caught up in no time.
Really?

What am I gonna say, "No, I don't want
my best student back in my class"?

Of course I noticed that drop-off in
your grades at midterms last year,

and I was concerned.
Yeah, that was...

But then, voilà,
you turned it around...

and aced all your finals
like, boom... magic.

Yeah, similar to but...
Look,

come see me during
office hours tomorrow,

and we'll talk about
what we need to do

to get you caught up,
all right?

Uh, okay.
Thanks, Professor.

Anya.
Anya.

Willow, hi.
What are you doing here?

Oh, I am starting
back up at school again.

Yeah, I can't believe
how great everyone's been.

I-I was a little worried, but I
already have books and homework,

and they even said they'd give
me periodic surprise quizzes...

just to make up for the
ones that I missed and...

Wh-What...
What are you doin' here...

walkin' out of the fraternity
house in the middle of the day?

Oh, I... Um,

I have a new boyfriend now.
He lives here.

- That's great.
- Yeah. We just had lots and lots of sex.

Okay.

This is so great. I am so
happy to see you've...

moved on.

Yes, we're tremendously happy
together.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm
late for something... important.

Oh, okay.
See ya later.

Hello?

Is anybod...

I take it back.

I take it back.
I take it back.

I take it back.
I take it back.

I take it back.
I take it...

I take it back.
I take it back.

I take it back.
I take it back.

I take it back.

I take it back.
I take it back.

- I take it back.
- It's okay. You're okay.

I-I take it back.
What? What do you take back?

What happened?
There's gonna be a party.

Everyone's gonna be there.

Everyone's bringing a date.
I'll have a great time.

But it was just me...

and them.

He broke up with me
in front of them.

I was a game.
It was all a game.

Uh, it's okay.
You're okay now.

They laughed,
and they laughed.

And I cried,
and they laughed.

And I yelled, "Just once",

"I wish you could all feel what it's
like to have your hearts ripped out.

Just once, I wish... ".

And then it came.

Okay.

Come on. What came?
What did this?

A spider.

Where did it go?

What do you mean?

The spider...
Where is it now?

Protect!

For God's sake,
shut your whimpering mouth!

I-I'm sorry.

Impressive.
Thank you.

What is that,
a Woodlow transmogrific spell?

Thornton's Hope.
Thornton's Hope?

But how did you get
the troll element?

Eel's-bane. Eel's-bane.
Brilliant.

What'd he do?

Bar matron.

A load-bearing bar matron.
Is there any other kind?

I'm sorry.
How rude of me.

Allow me to introduce myself.
My name is D'Hoffryn.

I am Aud.
Are you?

I am afraid you don't
see your true self.

You are Anyanka.

I'm a patron of a family of sorts.
We're vengeance demons.

I'm sure you've heard of us.
No. I'm sorry.

Oh, well, that's quite...
No, don't feel bad.

I, uh... I don't
talk to people much.

I mean, I talk to them,
but they don't talk to me...

except to say that
your questions are irksome...

and perhaps you should take your furs
and your literal interpretations...

to the other side
of the river.

I get the sense that your talents are
not fully appreciated here, Anyanka.

We'd like you to join us. Why do you
keep calling me that? My name is Aud.

Perhaps.
But Anyanka is who you are.

What would I have to do?

What you do best... help wronged
women punish evil men.

Vengeance. But only to
those who deserve it.

They all deserve it. That's where
I was goin' with that, yeah.

Oh! Hello.

Willow, hey, is everything...

Oh. Spider demon.
Wait. Hold on.

Are you all right?
Uh. Like how?

Uh-huh. Uh-huh, wait.
Okay, go ahead.

No, no, no, no. It's all good.
I'll get Xander to go.

But, seriously, you just...

What, ripped out the heart?
My God.

Hey, did you get that
physics class you wanted?

This is just wonderful,
Anyanka.

There's even talk of having
some sort of ceremony.

I can't tell you how many
times today I've heard,

"Anyanka is back
to her old self again."

Honey, what is it?
What's wrong?

It's nothing.
I just...

There was just so much
screaming, so much blood. Mmm.

I... I'd forgotten how much damage
a Crimslaw demon could do.

Oh, tell me about it.
They can be feisty little guys.

And impossible to house-train. I mean,
once they start nesting, forget...

Are you okay?
Oh, did something happen?

I guess I'm just
a little rusty.

I didn't think it would
hit me like this.

Oh, sweetie.
This is perfectly normal.

It's a reflex. You'll get
over it in no time. Trust me.

Oh, Hallie, I can't tell you
how good it is.

Thank goodness you're here.
Oh, sweetie, of course.

It's just, lately, what with
everything that's been going on,

I've had trouble
even remembering...

- Get out.
- Lemon drop.

- If you think I'm gonna...
- Get out.

It's okay.

Well, okay.

If you need anything,
you holler.

Anya, you have to stop this.

Do you know what they did to her?
Do you?

It was a game.

They were humiliating her.
Anya, listen to me.

You're in trouble.
You know it.

I'm here to help you.

You're here to...

Well, that's great, Willow.

Flayed anybody lately, have you?
How quickly they forget.

I haven't forgotten
one second of it.

- What do you want?
- I want to help you.

- They got what they deserved.
- No. They...

I am a vengeance demon.
Do you understand that?

No.
Try.

They got what they deserved.

Thanks for sidekicking. I
didn't want to trouble Willow.

I figure she's got enough to
do, first day back and all.

Are you kidding? We're doing
vent work at the site.

Anything's better than breathing
Freon for eight hours.

So, she say
what this thing is?

Some sort of
spider demony thingy.

She had to go pretty quickly. I think she
had to sign up for classes or something.

Ah, yes. There is little
that can distract the Willow...

when she's on the hunt
for the mighty syllabi.

I don't know. I think she's a little
more nervous than she was letting... on.

How big she say this thing was?
She didn't.

But I can't imagine she'd
send us out if it wasn't...

The heart's completely ripped out.
This is our guy.

Or a copycat spider demon.

What's this black stuff?
I don't know.

Oh! It's sticky. Willow
said it was a spider demon.

Maybe it's his webbing. This
isn't springy, high-flying fun.

Xander.

Is that it?

I can't tell. There's definitely
something moving up there.

Maybe we can somehow
lure it.

Xander!

No!

You okay?

Buffy? Where'd it go?

I think we need more swords.
Uh-huh.

I say we go home,
pick up more swords...

and some sort of spidery
demon protection amulet.

We come back and...

Or...

I'm more concerned with
where that thing came from.

If there are more of those spider demons
running around, we need to know about it.

We should hit the research.
Find out if...

I know
where it came from.

- How many?
- Ten, 12.

When were you planning on telling us?
I'm telling you now.

Great. Thank you.

Willow, it's Anya.
How could you let us...

How could you
not have told us?

Xander. How could you
not have told me?

Xander, it's okay.

She didn't tell us
for a reason.

She didn't tell us because
she knows what I have to do.

I have to kill Anya.

I swear
I'm in awe of you.

Oh, stop.
Oh, I will not.

I grant wishes.

- It's all inside the girl.
- I just bring it out.

Yes, I'm sure this is
what she had in mind.

Well, I don't know about her
mind, but it was in her heart.

Russia was ready to explode. All we
did is just give it a little push.

What should we do with
the rest of our evening?

I hear they're going
to raze the Winter Mansion.

I thought we'd head down
to Madame Dubasov's.

No better spot for vengeance
than a brothel. Oh.

It's always
work, work, work with you.

Well, of course.
What else is there?

"What else is there?" Why,
the whole world, for one.

Darling, take a look around.
There's a lot to see.

There's a revolution
going on outside...

that you are somewhat
responsible for.

Aren't you the teeniest bit
interested?

What is there
to be interested in?

The worker will overthrow
absolutism...

and lead the proletariat to a
victorious Communist revolution,

resulting in socioeconomic
paradise on earth.

It's common sense really. I have
better things to worry about.

But, Anyanka, there's
a whole world out there.

Yes, filled with wronged women
who need my help.

Oh, you're talking about work.
I'm talking about life.

Vengeance is what I do, Halfrek.
I don't need anything else.

Vengeance is what I am.

She's not the Anya
that you knew, Xander.

She's a demon. That doesn't
mean you have to kill her.

Don't act like this is easy for me.
You know it's not.

There are other options.

I've considered them.
When?

Just now? Took you all of 10 seconds to
decide to kill one of your best friends?

The thought that it might come to
this has occurred to me before.

It's occurred to you too.

But we can change
what she did, fix it.

These are mystical deaths, right?
There has to be something.

I don't have anywhere near
that kind of power.

I didn't have
that kind of power when...

And I... I don't think
I trust the power I do have.

It's okay.

Xander, I know this is
hard for you to hear,

but it's what I have to do.

Hard for me to hear?
Buffy, you want to kill Anya.

I don't want to.
Then don't.

This isn't new ground. When our friends go all
crazy and start killing people, we help them.

Sitting right here. I'm sorry.
But it's true.

It's different. Because you don't
care about her the same way I do.

Buffy, I still love her.
I know.

And that's why you can't see
this for what it really is.

Willow was different.
She's a human.

- Anya's a demon.
- And you're the Slayer.

I see now
how it's all very simple.

It is never simple.
No, of course not.

You know, if there's
a mass-murdering demon...

that you're, oh, say, boning,
then it's all gray area.

Spike was harmless.
He was helping.

He had no choice.
And Anya did.

She chose
to become a demon... twice.

You have no idea
what she's going through.

I don't care what she's going through.
No, of course not.

You think we haven't
all seen this before...

The part where you just
cut us all out,

just step away from everything
human and act like you're the law?

- If you knew what I felt...
- I killed Angel!

Do you even remember that?

I would have given up
everything I had to be with...

I loved him more than I will
ever love anything in this life,

and I put a sword through
his heart because I had to.

And that all
worked out okay.

Do you remember cheering me on?
Both of you.

Do you remember giving me
Willow's message?

- "Kick his ass."
- I never said that.

This is different.
It is always different!

It's always complicated.

And, at some point, someone
has to draw the line,

and that is always
going to be me.

You-You get down on me
for cutting myself off,

but, in the end, the Slayer
is always cut off.

There's no mystical guidebook,
no all-knowing council.

Human rules don't apply.

There's only me.

I am the law.

- There has to be another way.
- Then please find it.

I can't.
I'm-I'm sorry.

Nomina D'Hoffrynis.

Behold D'Hoffryn,
Lord of Arashmahar,

he that turns the air
to blood and rains t...

Ms. Rosenberg,
how lovely to see you again.

Have you done something
with your hair?

Hello, D'Hoffryn. I figured
I'd be hearing from you soon.

The flaying of Warren Mears...
Oh, truly inspired.

That was "watercooler"
vengeance.

Yes. Lloyd has a sketch
of it on his wall.

That's not me anymore.
Is that right?

So, I didn't feel your
presence earlier today?

I didn't feel
a bit of the old you?

We need to talk about Anya.

Very well.
Let's talk about Anyanka.

I thought
I might find you here.

Have you forced yourself
to look at the bodies yet?

- What do you want?
- I want to help you.

Everyone
is so considerate today.

I should've slaughtered people weeks ago.
I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for everything I did to
you, everything I put you through.

Thank you.
All better.

Thank goodness you got here in time.
You don't understand.

This isn't an intervention.
Buffy's coming to kill you.

- She's coming to try.
- Did everybody have their "crazyflakes" today?

You guys are friends.
How could you talk like this?

I have a job to do,
and so does Buffy.

Xander, you've always seen
what you wanted to,

but she knew, sooner or later,
it would come to this.

Buffy, get outta here.

- Get out of my way, Xander.
- No.

Get out of her way, Xander.

This is getting to be
a pattern with you, Buffy.

Are there any friends of yours
left you haven't tried to kill?

Come on, Buffy. Don't you
have a clever retort for me?

- Anya, I'm sorry.
- You're apologizing to me?

What fight are you watching?

Or is this like one of your little pop
culture references I don't get...

'cause I'm a vengeance...

I just want...

happy... ending.

Honey.

Honey.
What? I'm awake.

I'm okay.

Honey, was-was that weird...

That thing earlier
with the singing...

and the coconuts?

What?

No. It's fine.

♪ Oh, no ♪

♪ Mustard on my shirt ♪
♪ Mustard ♪

♪ I'll never get it out ♪
♪ My favorite dress shirt ♪

♪ Dry-clean it ♪
♪ How could you serve ♪

♪ Mustard ♪♪

Are you still hungry?
Because I'd be...

♪ Mr. Xander Harris ♪

♪ That's what he is
to the world outside ♪

♪ That's the name
he carries with pride ♪

♪ I'm just lately Anya ♪

♪ Not very much to the world
I know ♪

♪ All these years
with nothing to show ♪

♪ I've boned a troll
I've wreaked some wrath ♪

♪ But on the whole
I've had no path ♪

♪ I like to bowl
I'm good with math ♪

♪ But who am I ♪

♪ Now I reply ♪

♪ That I'm the missus ♪

♪ I will be his Mrs. ♪

♪ Mrs. Anya Christina
Emmanuella Jenkins Harris ♪

♪ What's the point of loving ♪

♪ I mean
except for the sweaty part ♪

♪ What's the point
of losing your heart ♪

♪ Maybe if you're lucky ♪

♪ Being a pair
makes you twice as tall ♪

♪ Maybe you're not losing
at all ♪

♪ No need to cover up my heart ♪

♪ Plus see above
re sweaty part ♪

♪ So maybe love is pretty smart
Then so am I ♪

♪ I found my guy ♪

♪ And I'll be Mrs. ♪

♪ I will be his missus ♪

♪ Mrs. Anya "Lame-Ass Made-Up
Maiden Name" Harris ♪

♪ We'll never part ♪

♪ Not if we can ♪

♪ And if we start ♪

♪ Then here's my plan ♪

♪ I'll show him
what bliss is ♪

♪ Welcome him with kisses ♪

♪ 'Cause this is a missus
who misses her man ♪

♪ He's my Xander
and he's awfully swell ♪

♪ It makes financial sense
as well ♪

♪ Although he can be...
I'll never tell ♪

♪ Just stand aside ♪

♪ Here comes the bride ♪

♪ I'll be Mrs. ♪

♪ I will be his missus ♪

♪ I will be... ♪♪

Anya.

I'd forgotten how much
swords through the chest hurt.

You know better than that,
Buffy.

Takes a lot more
to kill a vengeance demon.

Oh, I'm just getting started.

Stop trying
to save me, Xander!

Oh, please, don't mind me. Continue
with whatever it was you were doing.

Oh! Breathtaking.

It's like somebody slaughtered
an Abercrombie & Fitch catalog.

Easy now. I'd be gone
before you could swing.

Isn't that
just like a Slayer?

Solving all her problems by
sticking things with sharp objects.

I talked to your friend,
Ms. Rosenberg.

She's a firebrand.
I have high hopes for her.

Stay away from Willow.

Oh, he's gallant,
isn't he?

I understand
what you saw in him.

Ms. Rosenberg seems to think Anyanka would
be better-suited outside the vengeance fold.

I think we already know
what Lady "Hacks Away" wants.

And the young man, well, he
sees with the eyeballs of love.

But I'm not sure if anyone's bothered to
find out what Anyanka herself really wants.

Her name is Anya. Actually,
a funny historical sidebar.

Her original name was...
I wanna take it back.

I'm sorry.
What was that?

I wanna take it back.

I want to undo
what I did.

Hmm.
You want to take it back.

Must be 12 bodies in there.

Such a thing... not easily done...
but not impossible.

You're a big girl, Anyanka.
You understand how this works.

The proverbial scales
must balance.

In order to restore the lives of the
victims, the fates require a sacrifice...

The life and soul
of a vengeance demon.

Do it.
Wait!

- Stay out of this, Xander.
- Okay, right.

That seems smart.

He just said you have to die.

Perhaps there's some sort of...
alternate price.

Xander,
you can't help me.

I'm not even sure
there's a me to help.

I understand the price.
Do it.

You're sure?
This is your wish?

This is my wish.

Undo what I did.

Very well.

No!

Anya.

Hallie?

Who did you think
you were dealing with?

Did you think it would be
that easy to get away? Why?

Why?
Because you wished it!

But she was yours.
The way you were mine?

Haven't I taught you
anything, Anya?

Never go for the kill
when you can go for the pain.

Hold him back, Slayer. Wouldn't
want anyone to get hurt.

I've got plenty of girls.

There will always
be vengeance demons,

but now you, Anya,
you're out.

Congratulations.
Your wish is granted.

You should have killed me.

Oh, I wouldn't worry
about that.

From beneath you,
it devours.

Be patient.
All good things in time.

Go. I'll check
on the boys.

Anya, wait.

Xander, please,
just go away.

Whatever's between us,
it doesn't matter.

You shouldn't
be alone in this.

Yes, I should.

My whole life...

I've just clung
to whatever came along.

Well, speaking as a "clingee,"
I kinda didn't mind.

Thanks... for everything.

Xander.

What if I'm really nobody?

Don't be a dope.

I'm a dope.

Sometimes.

Well, that's a start.

Grr! Arrgh!