Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1996–2003): Season 6, Episode 8 - Tabula Rasa - full transcript

Previously on
Buffy the vampire slayer.

- We're getting married.
- Did you know about this?

He said he couldn't imagine the rest of his
life without me. And then he gave me this.

Ante up.

You play for kittens?

Have you spoken to dawn about
that incident at Halloween?

I thought you took care of that.

- Right.
- What would I do without you?

Willow, you're using
too much magic.

What do you want me to do, just
sit back and keep my mouth shut?

Well, that'd be a good start.



Shh, forget it
ever happened.

Forget.

But I think I was in heaven.

I was torn out of there,

pulled out by my friends.

Can we talk?

Vocal cord-wise? Yes.

With each other? No.

We have to talk.

About what?

We kissed, Buffy.

So?

We... we kissed.

You and me.



All gone with the wind, with the
rising music and the rising... music.

What was that, Buffy?

A spell? Oh, don't get all
prim and proper on me.

I know what kind of girl
you really are.

Don't I?

What we did is done.

But I will never kiss you,
spike, never touch you ever,

ever again.

Now, easy, boys.

No need
to get physical, eh?

Is there, Mr. spike?

You know
this guy?

Yeah.
What do you want?

Uh, me? Uh, there are a lot of
things I would like, Mr. spike.

A house in bel air with a
generously sized swimming pool,

and, of course, the 40
Siamese that you owe me.

Take it easy.
You'll get your kittens.

Oh, I trust you, Mr. spike.

Oh, god. What is it with you guys?
Why kittens?

- Why can't you just use money
like everybody else?

She's funny.
I like funny in a girl.

I just need
a little more time.

Oh, time, time, time
is what turns kittens into cats.

Look, I don't want to
see anyone get hurt.

Boys.

Then you'd better
close your eyes.

I said she was
the slayer, boss.

Ah, good for you.

The vampire slayer.

Have you ever given any thought to, uh,
freelance work? Debt collecting, perhaps?

No, thank you.

Boss, he's gone.
Spike has split.

Ah, well, that's what
I get for socializing.

All right, come on, boys.

He'll locate Mr. spike and,
uh, talk to him a little more.

Oh, it was
a genuine pleasure.

If I would just stop saving his life,
it would simple things up so much.

Do you think she
walked around on clouds...

Wearing, like, birkenstocks
and played a harp?

'Cause those are
just not flattering.

You know, the clunky sandals,
not a harp.

I mean, who doesn't
look good with a harp?

What? I-I'm just saying
what everyone's thinking.

Right, baby?

You are attractive and
have many good qualities.

It's totally not stupid...

To wonder what
it was like for Buffy.

But it could have been any one of
a zillion heavenly dimensions.

All we know is that it was a good
place and she was happy there.

We took her away from that.
We wrecked it for her.

We didn't wreck.
We didn't know.

We didn't want to know.

We were so selfish.
I was so selfish.

Maybe we were.

I just feel weird feeling bad
that my friend's not dead.

It's too mind-boggling.

So I've decided
to simplify the whole thing.

Me like Buffy.

Buffy's alive, so me glad.

Not to be miss psycho pep squad, but we have
got to stop obsessing about what we did...

And start trying to make
things better for Buffy.

I'm with
miss psycho pep squad.

We need to spend more time
with her, just hang out.

Maybe have
weekly dinners over here,

or a book club...
Short books... videos.

I can fix it.
I know a spell.

No. No more spells.

Then what?

This isn't something that's
gonna be fixed by a video club.

I know I messed up, okay,
and I wanna fix it.

I can't believe that we are
talking about this again.

You know how powerful magic is,
how dangerous.

You could hurt someone.
You could hurt yourself.

But I know a spell that will make
her forget she was ever in heaven.

God, what is wrong
with you?

I'm gonna go get that phone
you probably don't hear it.

High-pitched ring. Ears like a dog.
I'm gonna help you with that.

Do you think
I'm stupid?

I know you used
that spell on me.

Tara, I'm sorry, i...

Don't. Just... don't.

There's nothing you can say.

Tara, I didn't mean to...
To what?

Violate my mind like that?

How could you, Willow?

How could you
after what glory did to me?

Violate you?
I...

I didn't mean
anything like that.

I-I just wanted us
not to fight anymore.

I love you.

If you don't want to fight,
you don't fight.

You don't use magic
to make a fight disappear.

But i... I just wanted to make
things better... better for us.

But you don't get to decide
what is better for us, wil.

We're in a relationship. We are
supposed to decide together.

Okay.

I realize that i...
I did it wrong.

You did it the way
you're doing everything.

When things get rough,
you...

You don't even consider
the options.

You just...
You just do a spell.

It's not good for you,
Willow.

And it's not
what magic is for.

But i...
I just wanna help people.

Maybe that's how it started,
but...

You're helping yourself now,
fixing things to your liking.

Including me.

Tara, no.

I don't think
this is gonna work.

Hey.

It is.
It... it's working.

Tara, please.

I... I need you, baby.

I... I need you.

I-I don't need magic.

I-I don't. I... let me
prove it to you. Okay?

I-I will go a month...

Without doing any magic.

I-I won't do a single spell.
I swear.

Go a week.

One week without magic.

Fine. Fine.
That's easy.

Go a week,
and then we'll see.

I don't know, I just...

I think we both need some,
I don't know, space.

I can't believe
I'm saying this.

Are you saying
you're gonna leave me?

I have to.

Uh-huh.

You have to be
strong.

- I-I'm trying to...
- Trying to what? Desert me?

Abandon me? Leave me all alone
when I really need somebody?

I don't want to leave.

So don't.

Please don't.

I can't do this
without you.

You can.
That's why I'm going.

As long as I stay, you
will always turn to me...

If something comes up that
you feel you can't handle,

and I'll step in,
because...

Because I can't bear
to see you suffer.

Me too.
Hate suffering.

Had about as much of it
as I can take.

Believe me,

I'm loathe to cause
you more, but this...

I've taught you all I can
about being the slayer,

and your mother taught you what
you needed to know about life.

You're not gonna trust that until
you're forced to stand alone.

But why now?

Now that you know where I've
been, what I'm going through?

Now more than ever.

The temptation to give up is going to
be overwhelming, and I can't let...

So I won't.
No giving up.

You can be here,
and I can still be strong.

Buffy,
I've thought this over...

And over.

I believe it's
the right thing to do.

You're wrong.

Willow, come on.
You ready?

Not so much.

You go ahead. Tell Giles to hold up.
I'll be there in a sec.

Fine.

Hurry up. You don't wanna miss the
lowdown on our latest featured creature.

For Buffy and Tara
this I char.

Let Lethe's bramble
do its chore.

Purge their minds
of memories grim,

of pains from recent
slights and sins.

When the fire goes out,
when the crystal turns black,

the spell will be cast.

Tabula Rasa.
Tabula Rasa.

Tabula Rasa.

So, what do we got? Sorry?

What kind of
ooglie-booglies?

Lizardy types, or zombies,
or vampires, or what?

There are no
ooglie-booglies, dawn.

Thanks for the jacket.
It's cold out there.

Not a problem. The cold only makes
me stronger and more macho-like.

I'm glad you're here.
Um...

I have something
I really have to tell you all.

I know it feels like we've
been through this before.

Just jump to the chase.
Tell them that you're...

- Spike?
- Holy moly!

- You need to give me asylum.
- I'll say.

No need to get cute.
It's a disguise.

Happens there's a bloke
I'd rather not see just now.

You met him, I believe. Toothy
bloke with the baby seal breath.

Nasty fellow, him,
and ugly too.

He's got a mouthful of choppers just waiting
to be yanked out and worn as necklaces.

Well, now we've recovered
from spike's sartorial humor,

I'll jump...
To the chase.

Um,

I'm headed
back to England,

and I plan to stay...

Indefinitely.

Now? Not now. I mean, not after...
Everything.

Yes, now.

For real this time?

'Cause, honest to Pete, a young
shopkeeper's heart can only take so much.

- Not that I want you to go.
- I can't do this. I just...

- I-i need to...
- Buffy.

Listen.

I know this must be awful
for you, and I'm sorry.

I... I'm so sorry
for what we...

"I'm sorry."
Everybody's sorry.

I know that you guys are just trying to
help, but it's just... it's too much.

And-and i... i can't
take it anymore.

If you guys...

If you guys
understood how it felt...

How it feels...

It's like I'm dying in...

Huh?

- Hey.
- Hey?

Hello?

Aaah!

Who...

Who are you people?

- Don't worry.
- Please don't hurt me.

Oh, it's okay.
I don't know anyone here either.

Yeah? Who are you?

I, uh...

Okay, who are you freaks?

You don't know me?

Not a clue. But you were
just all, like, "oh, hey."

Yeah, 'cause I thought you were
a girl and I'd remember, but...

Well, I am a girl. I'm not
sure who I am exactly, but...

Why was I on the ground? And
why are you all staring at me?

- Is this some psych test? Am I getting paid for this?
- It's not just you.

Does anyone
remember anything?

Nope.

Maybe we all got terribly drunk,
and this is some sort of blackout.

I don't think I drink.

I don't see any booze.
I don't feel any head bumps.

- I don't see Allen Funt.
- Who?

Okay, I'm not panicking.
I'm not. I'm not.

- Stop looking at me like I'm panicking.
- - Take it easy, guy.

No one's hurt.
Right?

And none of us look
all hatchety-murdery.

So we're probably
safe here.

Wherever here is.

Look at the stuff
on these shelves.

Weird jars
of weird stuff.

Weird books
with weird covers.

Like magic for beginners...
Oh!

This is a magic shop.
A real magic shop.

Maybe that's it.
Maybe something magic happened.

Magic?

Magic's all balderdash
and chicanery.

I'm afraid we don't know
a bloody thing.

Except I seem to be British, don't I?
And a man.

With glasses. Well, that
narrows it down considerably.

I don't like this. It's okay.
Don't worry.

We'll take care
of each other.

We'll get our memory back, and
it'll all be right as rain.

Oh, listen
to Mary Poppins.

He's got his crust all stiff and
upper with that Nancy-boy accent.

You Englishmen
are always so...

Bloody hell.

Sodding. Blimey.
Shagging. Knickers. Bollocks.

Oh, god.
I'm English.

Welcome to
the Nancy tribe.

You don't suppose you and i...
We're not related, are we?

There is a ruggedly
handsome resemblance.

And you do inspire a...

Well, a particular
feeling of familiarity...

And... disappointment.

- Older brother?
- Father.

Oh, god,
how I must hate you.

- What did I do?
- There's always something. And what's with the trollop?

Hey.
Her?

- I saw you sleeping together.
- Resting together.

Look! It's okay.

We're engaged.
Oh.

It's a lovely ring.

Oh, great. A tarty stepmom
who's half old daddy's age.

Tarty?
Old? You little twerp.

I'm young enough
to still get carded.

Carded!
Driver's licenses!

It's me.
Alexander Harris.

Cute picture.
Hey, I exist.

I'm Willow Rosenberg.
Willow.

- Funny name.
- I think it's pretty.

- What do you got?
- Tara.

- And look, I'm a student at uc sunnydale.
- Me too.

Maybe we're study buddies.

I don't have a wallet.

Don't worry.
Me neither.

But here, look.

You're dawn.

Or "umad."

I'm, uh, called
Rupert Giles.

Rupert.

Rupert?

You're not too old to put
across my knee, you know, Sonny.

Anyway,
what did I call you?

Um...

"made with care
for Randy."

Randy Giles?

Why not just call me horny Giles,
or desperate-for-a-shag Giles?

I knew there was a reason
I hated you.

Randy's a family name,
undoubtedly.

Oh, hey, I have a name
on my jacket.

"Harris."
Harris?

That's my last name. Maybe I have a
brother, and you go out with him.

Or maybe
you go out with me.

Well, we did wake up
all snuggly-wuggly.

Maybe you're my boyfriend.

Either that, or I got one pissed-off
brother out there somewhere.

I'm Anya!

This key fits this lock, and the
forms next to the cash register...

Say that Rupert and Anya
own the shop together.

This is our magic shop?

Well, that's... that's very,
um, uh, progressive of me.

So, you don't
have a name?

Of course I do.
I just don't happen to know it.

You want me to name you?

Oh, that's sweet,
but I think I can name myself.

I'll name me... Joan.

Ugh.

What? Did you
just "ugh" my name?

No, I just...

I mean, it's so blah.
Joan?

I like it.

I feel like a Joan.

Fine. That's your
"purgative."

Prerogative.

Whatever, Joan.

Whatever, umad.

Boy, you're bossy...
Boy, you're a pain in the...

Do you think we're...
Sisters?

You never showed me affection
like that... I'd wager.

We need to figure out what's going on.
We need to get help.

- Looks like Joan fancies herself the boss.
- We have a kid here...

A teenager.
A teenager.

And we have no idea
what's wrong with us.

- I think a hospital's our best bet.
- Uh, yes. Let's...

Let's head out.

Any suggestions on how
we're gonna get there?

Dad can drive.

He's bound to have some classic
midlife crisis transport.

Something red, shiny,
shaped like a penis.

- Oh, my god! Did you guys see that?
- Vampires!

- Maybe it's Halloween.
- It doesn't feel like Halloween.

Even if it is, those guys are not kids,
and those are definitely not costumes.

- Randy's right.
- Looks like we have vampires.

- Slayer!
- And they're definitely not knocking for candy.

We need to check to see if there's
other doors, make sure they're locked,

and then put large objects
in front of them.

Monsters are real?

- Did we know this?
- I don't know, but we need our memories back.

We have to get to
a hospital.

As, uh, proprietor of a magic
shop, I propose we fight them.

We can use things here in the
shop... magic tricks or whatever.

Send out spike!

They seem to want spikes.

Oh!

Let's give 'em these.

Oh, well done.

But wait, what are they
going to do with them?

Slayer, come out and play!
"Slay her."

That's just what
they said before.

Th-they're gonna use the
spikes to... to slay someone?

A female someone.

- Who do those jerks think they are?
- Bloodsuckers.

They kill by sucking blood.
Take it easy, Joan.

- You guys!
- There's a trap door in the basement.

- It seems to lead to the sewer.
- Let's go.

Hey, I'm not sure what I am,
so bear with me here.

Now I lay me down to sleep...

Omm. Omm...

- You owe us!
- Fine. Take your damn spikes.

Don't be stupid!

- Get your hands off me!
- I said, you owe us.

Who, me? You've got
the boss's kittens.

Kittens?

- Bitch.
- Hey! Stay away from Randy!

- Whoa!
- What did you just do?

Uh, i...

I don't know,

but it was cool.

The boss ain't gonna like this.
I'll be back.

And I won't be
alone!

I think I know why
Joan's the boss.

I'm like a superhero
or something.

The boys wanna taste blood,
boss.

They wanna
break down the door.

The boys are barbarians.

There's no need to do that.

The humans will turn on him
soon enough.

And if they don't, we'll burn
the place to the ground.

- Okay, I've got a plan.
- I'm all ears.

They seem to want Randy, and
I seem to be pretty strong.

Wicked strong.

So you guys get to the hospital. Randy and
I'll give the monsters a run for their money.

- That's your plan?
- Yes.

- Right.
- I'm not leaving the shop.

I have to protect the cash register and...
do some spells.

Well, magic might help.
It's worth a shot.

All right, you work on that then.
We need to go.

- Ready, Randy?
- Ready, Joan.

Um, s-s-son?

Come here, um, please.

- Oh, uh, uh...
- Yes, um...

Yes, well...

Right.
Good, then.

- Randy!
- Hey! I'm a superhero too!

Joan, where are you going?

Hey! Joan!

Wait up!

Almost there.
Come on.

Here we go.

- There you go.
- Thanks.

♪ The ants go marching one
by one hurrah, hurrah ♪

♪ The ants go marching... ♪♪

This must be nice
for us.

Hmm? Sorry?

I mean,

I know there's
the vampire problem,

and our memory loss
and all that,

but still,

to spend this time
together, alone,

must be nice.

Uh, yes, yes, um, uh...
I'm sure that's right.

Um, which, uh, which book
shall we start with?

This is the book for us.
Oh, good.

Does it focus on mind control
or-or memory loss?

Not exactly.

I just, um... my intuition
tells me this is the book.

And I figure, being a magic shop owner
and a natural at the supernatural,

I should trust
my intuition.

That's fine,
but as you recall,

I, too, am
a magic shop owner.

True, but my intuition says you're
not so much the magic guy...

And more
of a paperwork type.

Okay, here we go.

Wh... you don't even know...
bara-bara, himble jemination.

Wait up!

Oh, bloody hell!
What are you doing?

You don't know who you are.

Right. None of us do.

- And we're being chased by...
- You're a vampire.

How can you say...

I? Me, a vampire? No.

Check the lumpies
and the teeth.

I kill your kind.

And I bite yours.

So, how come
I don't want to bite you?

And why am I
fighting other vampires?

I must be a noble vampire.

A good guy
on a mission of redemption.

I help the helpless.

- I'm a vampire with a soul.
- A vampire with a soul?

Oh, my god.
How lame is that?

Perhaps we should try
another book. No.

The book made the little fluffers.
This book's gonna send 'em back.

I've got it this time.
Okay?

Himbala Bree,
a Bree voyant.

Yes, dear.

I'm a hero, really.

I mean, to be cast such an ugly lot
in life and then to rise above it,

to seek out better, nobler
things... it's inspirational.

And the two of us... natural
enemies thrown together...

To stand against
the forces of darkness.

A lot of trust. No thought of me biting
you. No thought of you staking me.

Depends on how long
you keep on yapping.

Come on. This way.
Up the ladder.

He's coming.

Clearly, that is not
a helpful book, darling.

Come down, and we will go about
fixing this in a sensible fashion.

You think it's sensible for me to go
down into that pit of cotton-top hell...

And let them hippity-hop
all over my vulnerable flesh?

Fine. Then just stay up there
and keep making bunnies.

It's a capital plan.

What capital? I never know
what you're talking about.

Loo? Shag? Brolly? What
the hell is all that?

What? There's no way you could
remember me saying any of those words.

Ah, bugger off,
you brolly.

Note to self:
Learn to duck.

Get a different book!

Put that book down!
Do you hear?

Not that book!

How you doing, dawn?

Uh, I'm okay.

It's scary,

but weirdly
kind of familiar.

I know what you mean.

How are you?

A little confused.

I mean, I'm, uh,
all sweaty and trapped,

no memory,

hiding in a pipe
from a vampire.

And I think I'm kinda gay.

Look what you've done,
you lunatic woman.

Don't blame me, you snobby, snotty,
thinks-he's-so-great jerk.

And I feel compelled to
take some vengeance on you.

Oww!

God, no wonder
I'm leaving you!

What?

Look. A one-way ticket to London
and out of this engagement.

Of all the nerve.

Now look at what you've done.
That thing is gonna eat my ring.

I smell fear,
and it smells good.

Vartas... fenga...

Montah... warray.

Oh.

Well, that's better.

Thank goodness.

I'm so sorry, dear.

No, rupy, I'm sorry.

You were right.

That was the wrong book.

Oh, um...

Uh, y-yes, it was.

But I'm still sorry.

Don't leave me.

Oh, Anya.

Over here, big guy. Check out
this throbbing jugular.

Alex!

Don't mess with Joan of...

Buffy! Buff...

Sorry. I just got back the
memory of seeing king Ralph.

We should get back.

Well, this place certainly
needs a good tidying.

Oh, yes. Yes.

Yes.

From dust...

To dust.

You're an odd duck,
Mr. spike.

Fighting your own kind,
palling around with a slayer.

And, oh, that suit!

Chutzpah must be
your middle name.

Uh, hey, look, uh, about our
little debt problem, it's okay.

I don't need the kittens.

You'll get paid.
I'm no welcher.

Right. Sure.

You're good for it.
I know that.

I'm just going to, uh...
Yeah.

You all right?

♪ A lot of things
I believed in ♪

♪ And just wanna
get it over with ♪

♪ Tears form
behind my eyes ♪

♪ But I do not cry ♪

♪ Countin' the days
that pass me by ♪

♪ I've been searchin'
deep down in my soul ♪

♪ Words that I'm hearin' ♪

♪ Are starting to get old ♪

♪ Feels like I'm startin' ♪

♪ All over again ♪

♪ The last three years
were just pretend ♪

♪ And I said ♪

♪ Good-bye to you ♪

♪ Good-bye to everything ♪

♪ That I knew ♪

♪ You were the one ♪

♪ I loved ♪

♪ The one thing
that I tried ♪

♪ To hold on to ♪

♪ I used to get lost ♪

♪ In your eyes ♪

♪ It seems that I can't live ♪

♪ A day without you ♪

♪ Closin' my eyes ♪

♪ And you chase
my thoughts away ♪

♪ To a place where I am
blinded by the light ♪

♪ But it's not right ♪

♪ Good-bye to you ♪

♪ Good-bye to everything ♪

♪ That I knew ♪

♪ You were the one ♪

♪ I loved ♪

♪ The one thing that I tried
to hold on to ♪

♪ Ohhh-ohh-ohh ♪

♪ It hurts to want
everything ♪

♪ And nothin'
at the same time ♪

♪ I want what's yours ♪

♪ And I want what's mine ♪

♪ I want you ♪

♪ But I'm not givin' in
this time ♪

♪ Good-bye to you ♪

♪ Good-bye
to everything ♪

♪ That I knew ♪

♪ You were the one
I loved ♪

♪ The one thing that I tried
to hold on to ♪

♪ The one thing that I tried
to hold on to ♪

♪ Good-bye to you ♪

♪ Good-bye to everything ♪

♪ That I knew ♪

♪ You were the one
I loved ♪♪

Grr! Arrgh!