Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1996–2003): Season 6, Episode 18 - Entropy - full transcript

Previously.
I'm using you.

Oh, this is worse then, is it?
This is you telling me...

It's over.

- Where have you guys been?
- Checking out Buffy on the Van's remote surveillance.

I thought
you were gonna go see Tara.

She was seeing someone else.
Probably just friends.

Xander's gone?
Xander's missing?

- Is she here?
- She left a couple of days ago.

- She was... kinda broken.
- I love her and, god, I miss her so much.

No!

How could you do this?



Buffy, stop! No!

- I'm so sorry.
- We're okay. It's all okay.

They're getting
to the gate!

Yeah. I see it. I see it.

We're gonna lose 'em.

We need that disc.

Wait.

- How you doin'?
- Oh, fine.

You know.
Same old, same old.

- Here. I could take care of this guy if you want.
- Whatever. Your call.

I mean, sure,
he don't look like much,

but I'd wager he could
give you a bit of nasty.

Save you the staking.
All you gotta do is...

- I am not telling my friends about us.
- Right.



I'll just be dropping him down to you then.
You wanna tell 'em? Go ahead.

You know why? I tried to kill my
friends, my sister last week.

Guess how much
they hate me.

Zero. Zero much.

So I'm thinkin'... Sleeping with you?
They'll deal.

In that case, why won't
you sleep with me again?

Because I don't love you.

Like hell.

♪ The midnight graffiti ♪

♪ Appears on your door ♪

♪ So we all can sleep safe ♪

♪ In our homes ♪

♪ And the storms ♪

♪ In the distance ♪

♪ Hold no rain ♪♪

♪♪

Hey! Hey, look at you, all coming
out of class and everything.

I do that sometimes. Usually at
the end part of the class. Right.

So how's your, you know,
after the whole basement deal?

It's between a hitch and a kink,
with a side of a twinge. It's okay.

And Buffy's okay too? Enjoying the
refreshing sanity and so forth?

Yeah. Refreshing San...
That's... funny.

She's okay.
A little... freaked.

I'm glad she didn't hurt you.
You too.

So, this is becoming kind of a regular
thing, you and me after class.

Uh, I didn't...

Only this time,
you stuck around.

Uh... um... various sounds
of hesitation.

She's just a friend.
Friends are nice.

You rushed off before
I could, you know, explain.

Well, officially, I have to say I have
no idea what you're talking about.

Unofficially?

We should have some coffee
sometime.

Maybe some day this week
after class?

I'm free tomorrow. You could...
you could bring your friend.

I wasn't gonna. I mean,
if you have a friend...

No. I'm... oh,
I'm friendless.

Yeah, yeah. No friends.
I mean, I have friends.

Right. Many dear friends.
I mean... yeah.

Coffee.
With us,

who are...
Just friends.

Okay. How about this store?
Ah.

Three pairs of earrings, a
coin purse and a toothbrush.

You stole a toothbrush?
Mother-of-Pearl handle. Fancy.

Yeah, but
you stole a toothbrush.

As far as rebellious teenagers
go, you're kind of square.

Dental hygiene
is important.

Guess this is kind of
a lame sister's day out, huh?

I make up for trying to kill you by
taking you to places you can't go in.

No. It's my bad. I'm the one
that got caught taking stuff.

Hey. How 'bout the pet store? You didn't
take anything from there, did you?

A pocketful of goldfish.
It didn't work out.

No.

Okay. Good. So we can go, and
we can look at all the puppies.

But it's so awful.

There's puppy mills and keeping them in
cages and people poking at 'em all day.

Yeah, but puppies... cute. Come on.
You used to love the pet store.

Yes, when I was
in my fives and sixes.

Come on.
We'll go look.

Besides, I don't think there's another
store here where I can show my face.

It'll pass. You returned all the stuff that
you still had, and we're paying for the rest.

I'm paying for the rest.
We'll figure it out.

Get back.

You don't wanna make me rush this.
I'm not impressed, padawan.

When do we hit pay dirt? If something
goes wrong, it's gonna surge.

We'll be deader
than an ex-girlfriend.

What did you say?
Just let me work.

All right. All right.
You do what you need to do.

You get us the goods,
and then watch out.

It'll be like... like the whole world just
spread open and gave it up for you, man.

And then we're done, right? We each
take our share, and we call it a day.

You're that ready
to get rid of us, huh?

Don't worry. We pull this off, you can
go buy any tropical island you want.

Ah, cheer up, short round.

You're about to get us
everything we ever wanted.

He's almost done.

I sorta feel
kinda sorry for him.

That's a weakness.
Um, okay.

Hmm. Look at him. He's got
that same look on his face,

the one that he had that time I
highlighted in his Babylon five novels.

Right before he told
his mother on me.

I don't think we can trust him. We don't
have to, not for that much longer.

Is it gonna be that soon? The milk...
in the fridge.

How long till it expires?
Uh, we got it on a Friday,

and I remember noticing there
wasn't a full two weeks on it,

but we did get it
in the fridge pretty quick.

Unless I'm thinking about the
two-percent milk. Forget it.

The thing. It's gonna be soon.
Oh, wow.

Oh, my god.

- How are you?
- Ducky. You?

An... please.

Let me... explain.

I know there's nothing I can say
or do to make up for what I did.

I can't. Sometimes when I
wake up in the morning,

I'm like, "oh, god."

Is this my life?
Was that me?"

Me too. But you gotta believe me.
Please.

I want to make up for it.
I wanna take away the hurt.

I love you so much.

I...

I may have practiced that a couple
times in front of the mirror.

I just... I don't understand
what happened.

I do. I'm an idiot.

All I had to do
was say something earlier.

I could've spared you
from that... that nightmare.

Said something about what?

No, no.

I mean, you know, if I were,
like, more self-aware,

because...
With the whole idiot thing.

If you had been more
self-aware, you would've what?

Been able to stop the wedding?
No, no. It's not like that.

That's not what i... okay. See,
I didn't practice this part.

Do you still
wanna get married?

Ohh.

- An, it's a very complicated question.
- No. Actually, it's really not.

It's kind of an either/or deal.
Do you want to get married?

Someday, yes. Very much.
When we're ready.

I don't want you to
take this as a bad thing.

It's good.

I love you.
I love you so much.

- I'm just trying to be honest with you.
- Yes. Honesty now.

Congratulations, Xander,
on being honest now.

I wonder
what the medal will say.

Clearly, I'm not
handling this well.

Well, duh! All I want is
for us to be together.

I love you. I wish we could just go
back to the way things were before.

And I wish
you were never born.

I know this
is all coming out wrong.

I wish you felt the pain
of a thousand searing pokers...

Boiling your heart
in its own juices.

I know, honey.
I totally deserve that.

I-I wish you had tentacles
where your beady eyes should be.

I... I wish your intestines were tied in knots
and ripped apart inside your lousy gut.

- They are.
- Really?

- Right now? Does it hurt?
- God, yes.

It hurts so bad it's killin' me. Anya,
I love you. I wanna make this work.

Those are metaphor intestines.
You're not in any real pain.

What's wrong with me? No, honey.
It's not you. It's me.

- Oh!
- An!

A-an, wait!
Please!

An!

So there was no child support in,
like, 11 years. Not a single check.

So now every time he touches a piece of
paper that isn't a check for the child,

paper cuts.

Oh, you know how I hate to toot my own
horn, but now his hands are covered...

In all these tiny little
bandages, like a quilt.

You know,
made of bandages.

Hmm?

Okay. Do they not teach listening
skills in the human world?

Sorry. I know.
I'm just distracted.

What, about this thing with Xander? Don't
worry. You'll figure out a way to...

No. That's just it. I've tried
everything, tried every curse I knew.

Nothing's worked. Wait. Did you
try to curse him yourself?

I am the wronged party here.
Of course i...

You can't exact justice against
someone on behalf of yourself, silly.

- I mean, how long you been away?
- I haven't been scorned...

By a man in, like,
a thousand years.

I never had to make a wish for myself.
There has to be some way around that.

Well, you could try...

Getting someone to make the
wish for you, I suppose.

Uh, did we open a chain? Are we the
international house of something?

Nope. Got up early and felt like a
breakfast kind of morning. Okay.

What kind of syrup do you want on
your pancakes? Syrups have kinds?

Oh, also, you know, I was thinking
after the mall yesterday.

Maybe we shouldn't go out tonight. Maybe
we could stay in and... ooh... ow...

- um, you know, get a pizza or rent a movie?
- Um...

Also, I didn't know if you had plans this
weekend, but I thought maybe we could...

Hey, Buffy, I'm gonna be okay
with the basement thing. Really.

You weren't you.
This isn't guilt.

I want us to spend time.
Okay. Good.

I love spending time... but I'm
cramping your teenage style.

No.
Yes, I am.

I'm the embarrassing mom who tries
too hard. When did this happen?

No. You're not.
It's not that.

It's just... what if instead
of you hanging out with me,

maybe I could hang out
with you.

Why don't I come patrolling with
you tonight? Oh, and then...

Maybe we could invite over some strangers
and ask them to feed you candy.

Well, you guys went out patrolling
every night when you were my age.

True. But technically,
you're one and a half.

See, I thought a little levity
might... but, okay... also no.

I just...
I just think I could help.

I'm sure you could, but it's a little
more dangerous than I had in mind.

But... dawn, I work very hard to
keep you away from that stuff.

I don't want you around dangerous
things that can kill you.

Which would be a perfectly reasonable
argument if my sister was chosen...

To protect the world from tax
audits, but, see, my sister is you,

and dangerous things that want
to kill me seem to find me.

But you don't need
to go looking for them.

Now eat up. You're gonna
be late for school.

Okay, wait.
It was under her wig?

Well, it was this thing. It just
came out from inside her head.

That's disgusting. What did it look like?
Let's put it this way.

If I wasn't gay before... god. And
this was after the invisible ray?

Yeah. Okay. I'm gone for
a couple of months.

Ooh, did I tell you about the demon eggs?
See, now I know...

You're just trying
to make me jealous.

What? No rollicking
adventures in the dorm?

It's not the same. It's not like
living with a house full of family...

Or sharing a room
with someone you...

- Are friends with?
- Hi.

Oh, my god.
You're back.

We've been so worried.
Yeah.

Sorry. I... i needed
to, um, you know.

I mean, I couldn't stay here, not
after everything that happened.

- No, no, no. We totally understand.
- But you're back now, right?

It's complicated. You know,
there's a lot to deal with.

Well, if there's anything
we can do, just let us...

Actually, um,

there's an eensy something
I could use a little help with.

You're lesbians, so the hating of men will
come in handy. Let's talk about Xander.

- He feels awful.
- You think it's anywhere close to what I feel?

No, but...
What if it were you, dawn?

What if all you dreamed
about was that magical day,

the day when the one person you love with
all your soul would promise to Cherish...

And protect your heart for the
rest of his life, but instead,

he shatters it
into a million jagged pieces.

Well, it's not really
so much about hating the men.

We're more centered around
the girl-on-girl action.

And men really like to watch
that kind of stuff, don't they?

Men like Xander.

I don't think
he could feel any worse.

Let's test that theory.
Anya, Xander's my friend.

- I know what he did was wrong, and if it happened to me, I'd...
- wish his penis would explode?

I never use that word anymore.
"Coagulate"?

W-I-s-h.

Oh. "Wish." As in, "I wish
Xander... " right. That word.

There is vengeance demons out there
that are still active, remember?

Any "I wish" can totally end in horrible
grossness. Give me a for instance.

- I don't really think I should.
- Did I mention the whole "left at the altar" thing?

Didn't leave that out, did I?
No. No.

Look. I know what he did was wrong.
God, if it happened to me, i...

It must have been torture.
Okay. Let's talk about torture.

So, tell me more about wishing Xander's
brains and guts would go blooey.

I didn't say that. Yes, you did.
I heard you.

I swear I didn't say that.
Didn't say what?

Um, I just saw you were back and wanted
to talk to you about working off my debt.

You know, my whole sticky
fingers, grabby hands thing.

Oh, right. The mad thieving. Good.
Yes. There's much to do.

Gonna put you to work,
Missy.

So back
to Xander's brains and guts.

Squish, squish, squish. Guys have been
running roughshod over you for years,

torturing that perky
little ticker.

- Aren't you sick of it? Don't you wish guys like that...
- whoa. Guys?

There've only been four...
Uh, three... three... three guys.

I mean,
that's barely plural.

Didn't each of them rip your heart out?
Don't men like that...

As to pick an example... Xander...
Deserve to be punished?

Well, Xander is a guy, so it's
kind of not the surprise...

That he likes
to watch girls.

- Why are we talking about this?
- We're comforting me.

Well, I guess it's natural
for guys to be interested in...

God, what kind of lesbians are you?
If you love men so much, go love men!

Anya, I know you're
hurting, but... what?

Xander doesn't deserve to suffer for what he
did, 'cause he's your friend and I'm not, right?

No. That's not
what I'm saying at all.

- What he did was wrong. He knows that.
- It's just, it hurts.

He hurt me so much.

- He really did. Look. I wish that...
- Anya?

Well, congratulations. They all still
love you, even after what you did to me.

- Anya, wait.
- Okay, okay. Not crazy about that idea.

What? I have to go after her.
Or, in the land of the sane,

you could give her some space,
let her cool down.

That's not proactive guy.

That's "sit around and watch the
rest of your life turn to crap" guy.

True, but at least crap guy gets
to keep all of his appendages.

And I'm supposed to what?
Walk away?

Shouldn't be too hard.
It's what I'm good at, right?

Okay. See? That's exactly
why a heart-to-heart

is probably not your best
course of action now.

You're both angry and upset and... what the
hell is that creepy thing doing in my yard?

Did Willow put that there when I was
dead, 'cause if I'd have known,

I would've crawled
out of the grave sooner.

Buffy.
Oh, my god.

Looks like someone's been keeping
an eye on all your ins and outs.

What the who?
Well, now. Let's see.

Who's obsessed with Buffy? Who likes to hang
out in her yard and keep an eye on her?

Who's in love with you
and not getting any?

What's this?
It's a camera.

Yeah. I got that part.
Why am I holding it?

Someone was using it
to spy on me. On my house.

Xander thinks it's you. Oh,
the great Xander thinks so?

Shudder. Gasp.
It must be true.

Spike. That ponce has
always had it for me.

Every chance he gets,
he sticks it to...

You believe him, don't you?
You think I was spying on you?

You think I could do that? Because you
don't lie or cheat or steal or manipulate.

I don't hurt you.

I know.
No, you don't.

I've tried to make it clear
to you, but you won't see it.

Something happened to me,

the way I feel about you.

It's different. And no matter how hard
you try to convince yourself it isn't,

it's real.

I think it is.

For you.

I know that's not
what you wanna hear.

I'm sorry. I really am,

but, spike,
you have to move on.

- Okay? You have to get over...
- Get out.

No. They're all,
"oh, poor Xander.

It took so much out of him, all
that running away he did."

I just don't understand what's
wrong with these people.

Did you really think they were
the ones who would help you?

Well, but... do you want
retribution, anyanka?

I want Xander good and cursed.
Then you know what you have to do.

Get a wish from someone who doesn't
freaking love him. Exactly.

But my social circle
is a little limited here.

What am I supposed to do, just stumble upon
someone who doesn't give a fig's ass...

If Xander gets hurt?

Hey. I need a thing.

- So, what's your pleasure?
- Fresh out of pleasure. That's why I'm here.

I need something.
Numbing spell maybe.

Uh-huh. Hang on.

Oh, my god.
Spike hates Xander.

Maybe I could get him to wish... damn it.
If only he were a woman.

Got it.
If I can somehow...

Get someone to wish that spike were
a woman, then I could go to him.

Well, he'd be a her by then, but
then I could go to her and...

Anyanka, there's an easier way. I know
you have this whole female power,

take back the night thing,
and I think that's cute.

But I've been telling you for decades, men
need a little vengeance now and then too.

Oh. Maybe this is a good
chance to try that out.

Good luck with that.
Ta-ta.

Sorry to bust up
the little girls' night out.

That's okay. I'm ready
to do some business.

All right then. You got something
that'll dull the ache a bit?

Actually, yes. Um,

Giles left a couple of supplies
here that I think just might help.

Eases the hurt. Makes the sun
shine a little brighter.

Even makes boring people
seem more interesting.

Ah. Here.

How's it coming? Can you see
who's getting the camera signal?

Should have something once I get
tapped into the fiber-optic network.

We're gonna use the feedback relay to get
their signal routed into our system.

Okay, if it's not spike, and
I'm not saying I believe him...

But if it's not spike, I think we
already know who's behind this.

Makes sense.

I want...
To find... these guys.

Uncover.

There. That's it.
That's where we have to go.

Well, now that we've found out
where we're supposed to go...

So then this girl says,
"real for you."

Right. But
getting back to Xander...

Xander. Let's not waste any
more breath on that wanker.

But he made a fool of me, and nobody
seems to care enough to do anything.

I care.
What he done to you?

I've never stooped that low,
and I'm an evil, soulless thing,

according to some people.

Shouldn't he pay? Don't you wish he
had to pay in some horrible way?

Absolutely.

Take him on myself, if it
wasn't for my little handicap.

Right. So,
hypothetically,

what do you wish
you could do to him?

You name it, pet.
You're the wronged party.

Something... gruesome,
I'll bet.

That's my blanket!

It makes sense.
It was your fire.

Hey, hey. I think
I've got something.

The thing about it is
none of this was my idea.

I didn't ask to be human. Right. And I
didn't ask for this bloody chip in my head.

To tell you the truth, all I wanted
was to use him and lose him.

- I hadn't had a good tumble in a thousand years.
- Me too. The using part.

I just wanted to know what
I was missing, move on.

Yeah. Then he was...

All bumpy...
In the right places...

And nice to me.

She was so raw. I never
felt anything like it.

Next thing you know,
I'm changing to please him.

- I care if he cares!
- Right.

And I'm off my guard. Happy. Singing
in the shower, doing my sexy dance.

Exactly.

I have no dance.
Oh.

- Talk to me, wil.
- Technology's pretty sophisticated.

Lots of booby traps
and firewall stuff.

- But can you get us a location?
- Well, hey, I'm still me.

Just one... whoa.

- What?
- There are other cameras.

Screw 'em.
To the rafters.

I did everything for that man.
Was it ever enough?

Never. I was always
going above and beyond.

I saved the scoobies how many times,
and I can't stand the lot of you.

Me either. I hate us. Everybody's so nice.
Nobody says what's on their mind.

You do. That's why you're the only one of
'em I wouldn't bite if I had the chance.

Oh. Really?

Absolutely. I have nothing but respect
for a woman who's forthright.

Drusilla was always straightforward.
Didn't have a single buggering clue...

About what was going on in front of
her, but she was straight about it.

That was a virtue.
Oh.

Xander didn't think so.
He thought I was rude.

That's because he's one of them.
Uptight. Repressed.

You think?
Please.

It's no wonder they couldn't deal
with the likes of you and me, love.

We should've been dead
hundreds of years ago.

And we're the only ones
who are really alive.

Hmm.

Oh, my god.
The doublemeat palace?

The bronze?
My classes on campus?

- Xander's site?
- What?

They've been spying on all these places?
I can tell there are more feeds.

I'm just having a harder
time pinpointing them.

Here. Let me...

Here.

Ladies last.

Thank you.

Take it quick, or my
chivalry'll run out.

No, thank you.

It's just
the first time since...

It just feels good to be with
someone who understands.

Intimately.

This whole time,
I've been coming on all...

Hell-bent and mad, wanting
his head, you know?

Yeah.

When really I...
Can't sleep at night...

Thinking that it has
to be my fault somehow.

Shh. What if he's
just pretending?

What if he never wanted
me the way I wanted him?

Oh, I'm sorry.
No, no.

Hey.

He would have to be more than
just the git he is, Anya.

He'd have to be deaf, dumb and blind
not to want a woman like you.

Then why?

The two of them?
They're weak is all.

I'll tell you what, though.

They'll miss the water
now that the well's gone dry.

Too hot to handle.
Mm.

Too hot.

Um, just...
Just one question.

Hmm?

Can I see
your sexy dance?

I'll show you mine.

Wait. Wait.
What are we doing?

Moving on.

Here. I think there are a couple
more transmitters on the network.

I just... oh, I've almost
got a picture on 'em.

Wait. You know I'm only doing this
because I'm lonely and drunk,

and you smell really good.

See? Forthright.

- Ah.
- They've tapped into our feed. Something's wrong.

I think I've
got the magic box. Whoa.

Shut it down.
Shut it all down.

I'm sorry. I can't find
the... here, dork face.

- I'll get it myself.
- Guys, we have to... oh, holy crap.

Oh, my god.
What is that? Porn?

Oh, my god.

Is that the cam
in the magic box?

Oh, my god.

What are they... oh.

Is that...
Spike.

He is so cool,

and, I mean,
the girl's hot too.

Dude.

Wait, Xander. No.

Oh, god.

Hey, guys.
What's up?

Ho, ho, ho.

I... what is she...

Buffy?

That's enough.

Here.
Let me just...

You know, we aren't really
sure what we're seeing here.

There could
be something...

There. Got it.

Xander?

So, this is it?

This is the stuff you've
been protecting me from?

You and spike?

And a lot of monsters.
Uh-huh.

But it's over. Spike.

I wish you had told me.

I kinda didn't wanna
admit it to myself.

I get that.

I know it must hurt
to feel like you have to hide,

to keep secrets
from everybody.

Buffy, Xander's gone.
He took your ax.

Get up! Get up!

You just gonna sit there,
do nothin'?

That the kind of man
you are?

I'm not gonna fight you.
The chip...

Too bad.
Xander, no.

Stop it! Stop it!
Stop it!

Xander, i... don't
even try to deny it,

'cause we saw it all...
The whole beautiful show.

How?

It was just... it...
It was just a thing.

I f... I felt bad,
and he was just there.

- Didn't take long, did it?
- Oh, ho. Oh, okay.

You had to do it because he was
there, like mount Everest.

Like I used to be.
And then you weren't.

You left me, Xander, at the altar.
I don't owe you anything!

So you go out and bang the first
body you can find, dead or alive?

Where do you get off
judging me?

When this is your solution
to our problems.

I hurt you, and you get me back.
Very mature.

No. The mature solution is for
you to spend your whole life...

Telling stupid, pointless jokes
so that no one will notice...

That you are just
a scared, insecure little boy.

I'm not joking now.

You let that evil,
soulless thing touch you.

You wanted me to feel something?
Congratulations. It worked.

I look at you,
and I feel sick,

'cause you had sex
with that.

- It was good enough for Buffy.
- Shut up and leave her out of...

Buffy?

Xander...

I don't wanna know this. I
don't wanna know any of this.

Bloody Xander.
Buggered up everything.

- You know, I wish...
- Don't.

♪ Who would sell their soul
for love ♪

♪ Or waste one tear
on compromise ♪

♪ Should be easy enough ♪

♪ To know a heartache
in disguise ♪

Things fall apart.
They fall apart so hard.

Tara?

You can't ever... Put 'em
back the way they were.

- Are you okay?
- I'm sorry. It's just...

You know, it takes time.

You can't just have coffee
and expect...

- I know.
- There's just so much to work through.

Trust has to be built
again on both sides.

You have to learn if... if we're
even the same people we were...

If you can fit
in each other's lives.

It's a long,
important process,

and can we just
skip it?

Can you just
be kissing me now?

♪ There was not faith
in love ♪

♪ Still my heart held on ♪

♪ When we finally got love ♪♪

Grr! Arrgh!