Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1996–2003): Season 6, Episode 1 - Bargaining: Part 1 - full transcript

Previously on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer":

You are the Chosen One.

You alone can stop them.

- Who?
- The vampires.

Ooh!

You see your power?

- Why can't you people just leave me alone?
- To each generation a slayer is born.

You're the Slayer, and we're, like, the Slayerettes.

We were together from the beginning.
We've gone on patrols, and done demon research.

We're talking about two very powerful witches
and a thousand-year-old ex-demon.

Anya, you wanna marry me?



- Angel...
- I love you.

So don't go.

Home sweet home.

That chip is deeply embedded in
your cerebral cortex.

Argh!

- I can't bite anything. I can't even hit people.
- What?

Spike had a trip to the vet,
and now he doesn't chase the other puppies.

I know you'll never love me.
I know that I'm a monster.

But you treat me like a man.

"They had to be certain the Slayer
would protect it with her life,

so they sent the Key to her
in the form of a sister."

You were created to open the gates
that separate dimensions.

The little girl. The Key.

Destroy it and the will of the Beast will be broken.



Spike!

No!

- I have to jump.
- It'll kill you.

Look at what's happening.

- Buffy... no!
- Dawnie, I have to.

You have to take care of each other.

You have to be strong.

Be brave. Live.

For me.

Come on! We're never gonna get anything
killed with you lot holdin' me back.

I thought the big ones were
supposed to tire more easily.

- No, that's over-the-hill shopkeepers.
- I'm fine.

I just need to... die for a minute.

That powder you blew at him made him rabbit off.

It's sorbus root. It was supposed to confuse him,
but it just kinda made him peppy.

It's not supposed to mix with anything.
You think he's on prescription medication?

- Yeah. That must be it.
- I hope he doesn't operate heavy machinery.

- Yeah. We could all be in real...
- Guys, heads up.

The vampire's circling back towards you.
Six o'clock.

Try to drive him towards the Van Elton crypt.

- Van Elton.
- Is that the one with the cute little gargoyle?

Left! Make him go left!

Big, fast, and dumb. Just the way I like'em.

- The other units are engaged.
- Stop!

Great googly-moogly, Willow.
Quit doing that.

- I said I'd get a lay of the land.
- But not the lay of my brain.

It's intrusive.
You could knock first or something.

- Xander...
- I know, I don't have to talk to answer you.

But I saw The Fury.
That way lies spooky carnival death.

Xander! Vampire! Other side of that tomb.
Get the jump on him. Go the other way.

Why didn't you say so?

Tara, down!

Spike!

Spike!

- What are you doing? Help him!
- I did.

You might have let me in
on your plan while he throttled me.

Poor Watcher.
Did your life pass before your eyes?

"Cup of tea, cup of tea,
almost got shagged, cup of tea"?

Guys, help Xander and Anya
over by the Anderson tomb.

Xander!

I got it!

That'll put marzipan in your pie plate, bingo!

What's with the Dadaism, Red?

She says that pie thing
every time she stakes a vamp.

I don't know, I was trying to program in some
new puns and I ended up with word salad.

- I think it's funny.
- It's a glitch. I'll fix it.

We just can't have her messing up in
front of the wrong person, or the wrong thing.

We need the world and the underworld
to believe that Buffy is alive and well.

And I will therefore fix it.
I got her head back on, didn't l?

- And I got her off knock-knock jokes.
- Oh, who's there?

- You know, if we want her to be exactly...
- She'll never be exactly.

- I know.
- The only really real Buffy is really Buffy.

And she's gone.

We-want-her-to-be-exactly- she'll-never-be-exactly-l-know-

the-only-really-real-Buffy-is
really-Buffy-and-she's-gone who?

Where's my clog?

I think there's a clog-eating monster under the bed.

It's really those lesser-known monsters
that make living in Sunnydale so hard.

I believe that that is a Dawn monster.
She borrowed them yesterday.

Dawnie?

Hey, you up?

You doin' OK?

Besides terror about today and a
general feeling of impending doom, swell.

Breakfast will make all things better.

Ooh, pancakes could go in bellies.

Dawnie?

Hey, you. Today's the big day, huh?

Kinda day that makes you wanna return clogs,
don't you think?

I don't have your clogs.

- Morning.
- Morning!

We could go over your programming again.

Again? You've done enough, sweetie.
She's either ready to face this thing or she's not.

Oh, um, here's some juice,
and pancakes are on the way.

- Funny shapes or rounds?
- Rounds are fine.

- What's up with the megawiches?
- I don't know if we're mega. Willow, maybe...

No, I mean... who's gonna eat all that?

Oh! Oops. She wanted to help,
and I got her started, but then I forgot to unstart.

House of chicks, relax.
I am a man, and I have a tool.

Tools. Lots of plural tools.
In my, uh... toolbox.

Ah! Sandwiches. Excellent. Men like sandwiches.

Help yourself. Really.

So what brings you so early, your machoness?

Brought that soldering wire for Buffybot's tune-up.

- You got funny shapes anyway. Sorry.

- I'll get it!
- No!

It could be my dad. He said he'd call today.

I'll just say hello. He's my biological ancestor.

Hello? Hey, Anya.

Really? That's fantastic!
Anya found that thing, for tonight.

Yeah? Great.

And you're her sweet cookie-face.

I go by many names.

- What's tonight?
- Just a Scooby meeting. Spike'll be with you.

You know, Buffybot,

maybe you should let the machine
- the other machine - answer the phone from now on.

- Is my phone manner not correct?
- It's perfect. It's just...

Mr Summers might talk to you and know something's wrong.

If he thought the real Buffy was gone,
he could take Dawn away.

And I wanna stay here, with you and Willow and Tara.
Understand?

I do. I want you to stay here as well.

You're my sister.

So... excellent.

We're agreed.
Sit your robo-self down so we can get to work.

Need to fix up those fighting skills pronto.

We have bigger worries than fighting skills today.

- Way bigger.
- I guess.

- Depends on how highly you prize punning.
- I'm serious, Xander.

Buffybot is about to face her
most dangerous challenge ever.

OK. So, we'll make a quick lap so people
can see you're here. And then we'll just...

What is this?

Oh. Um, this is our city of the future.

I made the hover cars.
They're orange-juice cans. See?

They're very nice. But I still don't understand.

We're reading Walden. This is, uh,
a kids' version of a utopian society.

There are no schools, but a huge
number of pizza parlours.

I don't think I know of a breed of humans this small.
Who's going to live here?

Oh... God, she's always like this.

Come on, wacky Buffy. See you, Mr Davis.

As you see, we provide the best
in progressive learning.

But we can't teach your children unless you do.

As parents, we have a responsibility
to create the right attitude.

To teach your child what school can mean.

Ms Summers?

School is where you learn.

Exactly. Parents let kids focus on school

as a social experience rather than a
learning experience.

We want you to get your kids just as excited
about education as about the lunch hour.

I helped make lunch today.

- Oh.
- Yes. Before school.

Peanut butter and jelly.
I don't eat, but Dawn takes one every day.

Tell me about it. My kid's brown-bagging it
even though I paid for the lunch programme.

It's true. Something has to be done
about the quality of the food.

Anya, this register report for January
looks a bit off. Pull the files again.

Are you mad at me?

- Mad? No, l...
- Well, then why are you torturing me?

I punished people like this when I was a demon.

I made them check spreadsheets for eternity.

Sorry if you resent my thoroughness,
but l won't be comfortable leaving until I know...

You're taking the Ramadan effigy?

It's not inventory, it's my personal collection.

Uh-huh. Aren't you Mr Dicey Semantics?

So, what, you think
you can just take anything you want?

- Give it!
- No, you give it!

Ow! Ow!

OK, when I'm marvelling at the immaturity
... be scared.

Anya, Giles is gonna leave the store
to you when he goes. What more do you want?

I am not leaving the store to anyone.

I'm going to England.
I'm not dead, I'm still a partner.

- Silent overseas partner.
- Who you should be very nice to.

Unless you want to end up working at Video Hut.

What are you doin'?
What kind of gratitude is that?

I know. I know.

It's just... he keeps saying he's going,
and then he doesn't.

And I keep almost being in charge,
but then I'm not.

And maybe he shouldn't be going at all,
but we can't talk about that.

And it all just leaves me with this stress
and bossiness stored up, and it just leaks out.

Just give it time, An.
This is hard for all of us.

- Just... be patient.
- I was being patient, but it took too long.

I mean, I miss Buffy.

I do.
But life shouldn't just stop because she's gone.

I'm sick of waiting to take over here,
and I'm sick of waiting to tell everyone about us.

We talked about this. We can't announce
our engagement while things are so up in the air.

Why not? It's happy news.
Happy news in hard times is a good thing.

It is, but... if things go as planned,
everything can be different.

- Let's just hold on.
- You've been saying that all summer.

Please, Anya. We'll know more
after we talk to Willow and Tara tonight.

Whatever. Just remember this whole
marriage thing was your stupid idea.

I didn't ask to be all crazy.

So my homeroom teacher, Ms Lefcourt, was, like,
"Your sister is an example to us all."

She wanted to make it National Buffy Day.

- Makes sense.
- It does?

She responded to Buffybot because a robot is predictable.
It's boring. Perfect teacher's pet.

That's all schools are. Just factories,
spewing out mindless little automatons...

who go on to be very valuable and
productive members of society, and you should go.

Because Buffy would want you to.

Check. One mindless automaton coming up.

So, uh, what do you fancy, Bit? A game of rummy?

Well, Willow and Tara said they'd be back early.

You don't really have to hang.
I mean, if you're bored.

- I'm not, and yeah, I do.
- But I'm fine alone.

It's not like anyone's coming after me.
I'm not the Key.

Or, if I am, I don't open anything any more.

It's over. Remember?

I'm not leaving you here by yourself, so forget it.

Well, I'm just saying...

No.

I'm not leaving you to get hurt.

Not again.

Now deal.

Don't be scared. I'm going to kill him.

- Slayer!
- You can run away now.

Not you!

You're... you're a machine!

Thank you.

Stop!

Vampires... beware.

- The urn of Osiris.
- You really found it.

Yeah. It wasn't easy.
I went through every supplier the Magic Box has.

You used a Magic Box supplier?
What if Giles finds out?

He's too busy not leaving to pay attention to me.
Besides, I ended up getting it on eBay.

You found the last urn of Osiris on eBay?

Yeah, from this desert gnome in Cairo.
He drove a hard bargain,

but I got him to throw in a
limited edition Backstreet Boys lunchbox for...

..a friend.

So, you got your sombre on, Will.
Is the urn not up to spec?

It's the one.

- Which means it's time.
- It's time?

Like, time time?

With the... timeliness?

- Are you sure?
- I am.

Mercury's in retrograde, and we have...
Do we have everything?

- Just about.
- But why the sudden rushy-rush?

Did the bot blow our cover at school?

No, she did great. She impressed the teachers.

- And they still thought it was Buffy?
- Tomorrow night, we'll meet back here.

Whoa! Let's apply the brakes and check
the rear and side-view mirrors here.

This is deep stuff, Willow.
We're talking about raising the dead.

It's time we stopped talking.

Tomorrow night, we're bringing Buffy back.

Tomorrow?

I don't know.

Discovery Channel has monkeys.
And our tape machine's wonky.

Guys, I need you on board here.

It's just...

It feels wrong.

It is wrong. It's against all the laws of nature,
and practically impossible to do,

but it's what we agreed to.
If you guys are changing your minds...

Nobody's changing their minds. Period.

Excuse me? Who made you the boss of the group?

- You did.
- You said Willow should be boss.

You said "Let's vote" and it was unanimous.

You made her a little plaque that said
"Boss of Us", you put sparkles on it...

Valid points, all.

But we...

I mean...

- We were just talking then.
- Xander, I can do this, I promise.

But not without you.

Should we maybe tell Giles?
You know, now that we're really ready?

It's not like he's going anywhere. Ever.

No. No one else can know.

Not Giles, not Spike, not Dawn.

They might not understand.

- What if something does go wrong?
- I'm telling you it won't.

Scenario...

We raise Buffy from the grave,
she tries to eat our brains.

Do we - A - congratulate
ourselves on a job well done...

- Xander, this isn't zombies.
- Zombies don't eat brains

unless instructed to by their zombie masters.
A lot of people get that wrong.

This isn't like Dawn bringing Mrs Summers back,
or anything we've dealt with before.

Buffy didn't die a natural death.
She was killed by mystical energy.

Which means we do have a shot.

It means more than that.

It means we don't know where she really is.

We saw her body, Will.

We buried it.

Her body, yeah.

But her soul, her essence...

That could be somewhere else. She could
be trapped in a hell dimension like Angel was,

suffering eternal torment just because she saved us,
and I'm not gonna let her...

I'm not gonna leave her there.

It's Buffy.

What time do we meet?

- Willow!
- What happened? Where's Dawn?

Upstairs in bed. But the bot seems to have got
into a scrape while she was on patrol.

I think my feet are broken.

Looks like a short in the navigational system.
Can you get a flashlight? It's in the kitchen.

She wanted to look for you but I figured
there are enough things that go bump in the night.

Good thinking.

But my homing device locates you when I'm injured.
I am programmed to go to you.

Right. I know. Still, I think just this once
it was a good idea to stay put.

Spike was right.

Sorry I questioned you, Spike.

You know I admire your brain
almost as much as your washboard abs.

- I told you to make her stop doing that.
- I did.

I mean, I thought I got
all that stuff out of the program.

Well, you've got her opened up. Fix it.

Sure. I mean, I have a lot of work here,
but I'll see what I can do.

Can you shine the flashlight right here?

Spike?

Did I say something wrong?

No. It's not your fault.

I think Spike stopped liking me.

That's not true. He thinks you're swell.

Then how come he never looks at me any more?
Even when he's talking to me.

He just gets cranky, the way vampires do.

Now, just relax. I am gonna make you good as new.

I promise.

That was splendid. Now, try it again.

Only this time, remember your breathing.

Yeah, that's good, but, er...

Think of the breath as chi.

Air as a life source.

I don't require oxygen to live.

- Of course, strictly speaking, but...
- Um...

Maybe you should stick to the standard drill.
You don't want her to blow another gasket.

I'm testing her responses after her injury.

I see no harm in imparting
a little Eastern philosophy.

Well, I just think that the concept of chi
might be a little hard for her to grasp.

You know, she's not the descendant
of a long line of mystical warriors.

- She's the descendant of a toaster oven.
- Yes, well, I appreciate your input, Anya.

But I think Buffybot has
responded nicely to our sessions.

Well, you're the boss.

Still.

Would you like to test me again?

No, perhaps we should call it a day.
Your responses are fine.

Perhaps Anya's right. Perhaps I am trying
to teach you as if you were a...

Human?

- Yes.
- I like your teachings.

Every slayer needs her watcher.

I'm not so sure about that.

- What do you mean?
- Nothing.

I just can't help but wonder if...
she would have been better off without me.

Buffy.

I don't think that's true.
You were very helpful to her.

Right. Yes, I was a perfect watcher.

I did what any good watcher would do.

- Got my slayer killed in the line of duty.
- That wasn't your fault.

Of course not. That's how all slayer-watcher
relationships end, isn't it?

She's gone.

I did my job.

Then why are you still here?

So I got her cornered in this alley, see?

You got the Slayer cornered?

Yeah. I figured it's my duty.
She's a menace to our society.

So we fight, and I'm, like, boo-boo-boo!
And I got her on the ropes...

- You're lyin' to me.
- I swear on all that's unholy!

You haven't even heard the best part.
I cut her, right?

And she's... I don't know, some kinda machine.

She's not human!

You're high.

I'm tellin' ya, it wasn't even the Slayer, man.
It was like a trick.

A robot.

- What's with the blood rat?
- Talk.

OK. So, I was over in Sunnydale,
minding my own beeswax, when I see the Slayer...

- The part about the robot.
- We fought, right?

And I was like all over her, boo-boo-boo...

He says the Slayer's been replaced
by some kind of machine.

A robot, yeah! And I kicked her synthetic ass.
You should've seen the sparks...

You tellin' me there's no slayer in Sunnydale?

That's what I'm sayin'.
They got some kinda decoy standin' in for her.

- Town is wide open.
- Nowhere like the Hellmouth for a party.

There's all kinds of bad in that place.

I guess with your muscle,
you could own it in no time.

Look, I know you guys don't usually
let vampires join the gang,

and I got the whole "sunlight issue".

But I was thinkin', you know,
as thanks for the 411, you could let me...

I'll think it over.

Let's ride!

Adonai, Helomi, Pine.

Adonai, Helomi, Pine.

The gods do command thee from thy majesty.

O Mappa Laman,

Adonai, Helomi.

Come forward, blessed one.

Know your calling.

Come forward, blessed one.

Accept our humble gratitude for your offering.

In death,

you give life.

May you find wings to the kingdom.

Hey. You're late.

Oh. I, uh, had to get that thing.

Giles isn't around, you can dump the cryptic.

The last spell ingredient.

OK. Right.

What is vino de madre anyway?

"Wine of the mother". Kind of black-market stuff.

You didn't tell me that. You shouldn't have
gone alone, it could have been dangerous.

Sorry. I didn't...

- I was careful.
- Well, it must be something pretty intense.

The black market's all baby teeth
and spooky fluids.

All I know is we have to have it to finish
the spell, so it's good stuff in my book.

How come you guys are here anyway?
I thought we weren't gonna meet till later.

We weren't.
It just felt weird hangin' out on our own.

It's better if we stay together.

Aw, you got butterflies, baby?

More like bats.

You wanna look at the money?
I find it always calms me.

That's OK, thanks.

Baby, tell those bats that everything
is gonna be all right. I promise.

- We couldn't be more prepared.
- I know, I just wish it was time. I...

I can't stand worrying about it any more.

Well, it's your lucky day, then.
I have something that will distract you.

What?

"I've gone. Not one for long goodbyes."

"l thought it best to slip out quietly."

"Love to you all. Giles."

You really think we'd let you get away with that?

I was trying to avoid a scene, really.

Like we'd make a scene.

Not you. Me.

We brought you some lovely parting gifts.
It's American.

Get it? Apple pie? To remind you
of all the good food you won't be eating.

And a monster.
Sort of a Sunnydale souvenir, we thought.

Thank you.

And I wanted to buy you a can of Olde English "800".

Cos, you know, England, and you, and...
because at the time it sounded really funny.

But the guy who lives in the box in front
of the store, he, uh, he wouldn't buy it for us.

We got your presents at the gas station.

We were kind of in a hurry.

We made this in the car.
It's why the letters are all shaky.

This is, er...

impossible, really.

We just wanted you to know that we'll miss you.
We'll be OK.

We'll miss you, but...

we'll be OK.

I'll take really good care of your money.

Yes, I have no doubt.

(PA) Flight 3982, leaving for Los Angeles
and continuing to London.

- Rows 20 through 30...
- That's me.

Now? We just made it.

Just. Yes.

Well, look, if we're going to do this,
let's do it properly.

I'm just a phone call away.

If you need anything...

You must promise me.

I do. I promise.

Willow, I don't know where to start.

Well, maybe you shouldn't.

I'm trying to be stiff-upper-lippy.

Right, right.

Well, you should get goin'.

Don't you have a life or somethin'?

I suppose that's the question, really.

Just, er...

be careful. Please.

There he goes.

It's a good thing.
My face was gettin' sore from all that faux-smiling.

It was right, though, wasn't it?
Giving him the no-tears sendoff?

I mean,
we don't want him goin' off all worried about us.

He'd still be all worried, just eight hours ahead.

What's he gonna do over there by himself?

He never talks about people from England.
What if he's lonely?

He won't be lonely.
He used to live there before, remember?

And I'm sure we'll talk to him all the time, right?
It's not like he's...

We'll call him tomorrow, how about that?
See how his flight was? Yeah?

Can you believe the timing?
He's leaving right when we're ready to... do the thing.

I know.
I had hoped we'd figure it out before he... he left.

Maybe we should have told him.
I mean, what if it works?

He'll come back.

- lt'll be dark soon.
- Yeah.

We should get Dawn home.
I wanna go over everything again.

Nothing can go wrong tonight.

Everybody got their candles?

I'm trying. My lighter won't stay lit.

- Well, hurry, it has to...
- What time is it?

A minute till midnight.

Come on, Anya. Do you have it?

I got it, I got it. I got it.

OK. Start the circle. Now.

Osiris, keeper of the gate,

master of all fate, hear us.

Before time, and after.

Before knowing and nothing.

Accept our offering.

Know our prayer.

- Willow!
- No!

She told me... she'd be tested.
This is what's supposed to happen.

Osiris...

here lies the warrior of the people.

Let her cross over.

Willow!

- She needs help!
- Xander, she's strong!

She said not to stop, no matter what.
If we break the cycle now, it's over.

Oh, God, what is that noise?

Osiris, let her cross over!

- Willow!
- Willow?

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

It's a test. It's a test.

Willow...

- What's going on?
- Stay away from the window.

- What is it? What's happening?
- Just do as I say.

I'm gonna check the rest of the house.
Don't move!

That doesn't belong to you. Put it back.

Slayer,
I've been hearin' interesting things about you.

Yes. I am interesting.

- These your friends?
- They're my boys, yeah.

Good. Now tell them to get back on their loud
bicycles and go back where they came from.

Or what? You'll electrocute us?

Hold her.

You're nothing but a toy.

A pretty toy.

Wanna play?

I would, but you've injured me.
I have to return to Willow.

Get her!

Stop her!

Ride!

Osiris, release her!

Willow! I need service!

Willow!

No!

Willow!

Look what I found!

Take off! Go! Go!

Anya!

Dissolvo!

Willow.

Willow, are you OK?

Did it work?

I'm sorry.

Oh, um... dangerously close...
um... systems failure.

Must... oh... disengage from combat

so... oh... Willow can service me.

I'll service ya, girl toy!

Willow!

I'm pretty sure she's OK.

As OK as anyone who had snakes coming out of their mouth.

- What the hell was that all about, Tara?
- Less talk, more running away.

The woods'll give us cover.
Their motorcycles can't follow us in here.

- Someone should tell them that.
- New plan.

Let's split up.

No, bad plan.

- I'll take her.
- No. I can carry her.

I'll keep her safe, Tara.

We should meet up somewhere.

The Magic Box.
Whoever gets there first, call Dawn and Spike.

But, um... the Buffybot?

- We can't. It's lost.

Go!

Xander... Xander, where...? Where...?

Shush.

We're using our quiet voice, Will.

- Where's Tara?
- Off and running.

- Like we need to be. We gotta keep moving.
- Moving.

Oh. Right.

Demons... on bikes.

Yeah. We got trouble.
Right here in Hellmouth City.

- Our own robo-Buffy led them right to us.
- Buffy. The ritual. We have to go back.

- Will, I told you...
- No. We have to try again.

- We can't.
- We have to, Xander!

She's... she's waiting!
She's counting on us, on... on me!

I can't leave her there any more.
I won't. We have to finish.

Sh!

Will... the urn of cirrhosis...

- Osiris?
- Yeah.

It got kinda...

Broken.

It's broken.

I remember.

So we'll find another one. Better made.
Anya and I will jump back into the web...

There is no other one.

OK, then we'll fix this one.

A little tape. A dab of Krazy Glue.

No.

It's no use.

The urn's defiled.

It's gone.

Nothing.

It was all for nothing.

Buffy's gone.

She's really gone.

Over here! Stop your moanin'.

Was that really necessary? A simple "psst"...

- I'm just sayin' it's rank.
- Get off it, Klyed.

Razor and the others head back to town,
leave us to hunt strays...

Hey!

You got a bug up your crack,
you take it up with Razor.

Until then you do as he says,
and shut your hole,

before I rip you a new one.

Ah, screw this. Let's get outta here.

Let's go hit some stores.

Doesn't sound like they found Willow and Xander.

Did he say stores? Hitting stores?
Does that mean looting?

I think... I think the woods let out over this way.

We should keep off the streets,
take alleys if we can.

They can't loot the magic shop.

Not now. I just got it.

Let's go.

You don't think they'll cause
a lot of damage, do you?

Couple of stakes... holy water, one cross...

Ow!

Brilliant.

Here!

You want me to bloody thump you?
I told you, stay away from the window.

- Who are they?
- Hellions. Real pirates.

They raid towns. Use'em up, burn them down.
It's usually backwaters, any place...

- Any place they think is vulnerable.
- They know... the Slayer's gone.

We can't stay here.

- I'm not goin' out there!
- Got no choice. Can't protect you here.

- We can lock the doors, turn out the lights.
- And hide under the bed? It's not my style.

But we need to wait for the others, and Buffy...

..bot. You know, the Buffybot.

- We have to wait to see if the others...
- Look!

Dawn, I get that you're scared.

But I'm your sitter, so mind me.

I'm not gonna let any of those buggers
lay so much as a warty digit on you.

Right?

- Right. - Right, then.

We can't wait around to see if
the others'll pop in. We're on our own.

No one's coming to our rescue.

Willow! Xander!

- They're not here.
- Oh, thank God.

- No, I mean, my store hasn't been looted.

Yet.

- Xander.
- They're all right.

- Where are they? Why aren't they here?
- I don't know.

They could be hurt. Xander could be lying somewhere,
bleeding, calling my name.

- Anya.
- Like that. Oh, God!

What if they're really hurt?
What if they're dead?

- They're not.
- How do you know?

Because he's with Willow.
And if something... happened, I'd know.

And so would you.

- You think?
- I'm sure of it.

They're fine.

They're both fine.

Maybe they got lost in the woods.

The woods? Are we going back to the woods?

- I hate the woods. All those woodsy trees.
- No, it's OK. Lost is good.

Willow and I always know how to find each other.

- With yoga?
- Shh!

Aradia, hear my words.

OK, this is really startin' to grate my cheese.
These woods aren't that big.

Now, I know we've been goin' straight
because I've been following the North Star.

Xander, that's not the North Star.

It's an airplane.

Nah, that's not an airplane. That's definitely...

a blimp. But I can see how one...
would make that airplane mistake.

I can't walk any more. I need to rest.

- It can't be much further.
- You said that an hour ago.

I just... That spell took a lot outta me.

As, for example, snakes?
How come you didn't tell us how much...

No. Not now.

- What were we into back there, Will?
- It doesn't matter anyway.

- Do not get all avoidy on me.
- I'm not avoidy, I just...

We have bigger problems. Demons.

Demons. Ah, well, there's somethin' you don't see every day.

- Unless you're us.
- Yeah, and now we're lost, so can we...

- What's that?
- See? Avoidy.

Over there, that light.

That one moving towards us? Incredibly fast?

Hello?

"Hello"? We're being hunted,
and you're hello-ing a strange fast-moving light?

It could be anything. It's a motorcycle headlight.

No. Too small.

- Stay behind me.
- I don't...

Stay down. I'll take care of this.

- Xander, it's...
- A bug!

A big fiery bug thing!

- Xander...
- Get off!

Do fireflies bite?
No, they probably burn, don't they? They...

Xander, it's not a bug.

It's Tara. Come on.

And how long have you known
that your girlfriend's Tinkerbell?

What are you doing?

Get away from there.

Do you hear me?

I said get off my property!

Leave us alone.

Get outta here!

Get back.

It looks like they're just... wrecking stuff.
No thought other than just destructorama.

What?

Oh, nothing. Just, uh... Iooked like fun.

I'm just sayin'.

It's just... with this kinda frolicking
goin' on all around town,

we're not gonna get very far without...

Let's fly, pigeon!

Already been looted. Sorry! Um...

Try the appliance store down the block,
they've got great toasters.

Anya!

Xander?

- I knew you weren't dead.
- Well, then, why was I so worried?

- Are you...?
- Not yet.

But... but I will be.

- Where's Dawn and Spike?
- We called the house...

Maybe they're on their way here.
I mean, this place is NORAD when we're at DEFCON 1.

- OK, I so need male friends.
- We have to go out and look for them.

There's this guy at work I kinda hit it off with.
Tito.

I mean, he seems like a good...

You were talking about Dawn and Spike, of course.

Question. You want us to go back out there?

Well, yeah. Unless somebody's got a better idea.

Well, um, it's just...

we're minus a Buffybot.

And Spike is missing in action somewhere with Dawn.

And Giles flew away, and, um, well, you...
you're looking a little... magicked out.

An, honey, we're nearing your point, right?

It's just, how are we supposed to fight these guys?

I mean, we can take a vampire or two, sure,

but there's a whole cavalcade
of demons out there, and, uh...

I mean, I think this...
You know, it takes...

I mean, l... We need...

- Buffy.
- Buffy.

Buffy...

is not coming back.

We failed.

So... we're it, gang.

Xander, grab the weapons.
We're gonna look for Dawn and Spike.

We should go.
They're just getting more and more worked up.

They can't keep it up forever.

Maybe they'll party themselves out,
tire of this place and move on.

Say hello to your new home, boys.

This here is a momentous occasion,
the beginning of a new era.

No question, the open back roads
and highways have been good to us.

But we've got ourselves a juicy
little burg here, just ripe for the pickin'.

And I ain't in no hurry to leave it. Are you?

So, I figure, what better way to kick off our...
semi-settling-down

than with a little christening?

A symbolic act commemorating the
new order around here,

ridding ourselves of any not-so-pleasant
reminders of the old.

All in one quick,

really, really violent fell swoop.

Gentlemen... start your engines.

Bye-bye, Slayer!

No!

Another one for the fire, boys.

Tear it up.

- Sorry.
- Sorry?

We don't know if the spell would've worked,
even if the demons...

- It would've worked.
- Well, maybe...

What?

Maybe it wasn't supposed to.

I mean, those demons showing up
at the exact wrong time...

Maybe we really were in over our heads,

invoking forces that we have no right to.

Maybe the fates sent down all that
destruction on us to stop us. I mean...

You mean... maybe it was my fault.

No. No.

- I'm not saying we announce it this second.
- Anya.

I think it would please them to know we're engaged.

And I think Willow in particular
could use a real morale-booster.

Can we talk about this later?

But all the excuses for not telling
everyone we're engaged are gone.

Aside from hell bikers, there's nothing in our way.

- This is it, you know. No more surprises.
- Watch it.

It's... it's the Buffybot.

Ah, peachy. No doubt to lead
the wild bunch right to us again.

Will, next time it's damaged,
couldn't ya programme it to find RadioShack, or...

Buffy?

- Buffy!
- Buffy!

Buffy!

Where is she?

Buffy?

Buffy, are you...?

It's Willow.

Can you hear me?

- What's wrong with her?
- Nothing!

She... she's... she's in shock.

- Her hands are bleeding. Her fingers.
- She's filthy.

- Oh, no.
- What?

No.

How could we...? So stupid!

Xander!

Our spell.

Our resurrection spell worked like a magic charm.

We brought you back to life, Buffy.

Right where we left her.

Oh, God.

In her coffin.

She had to... dig out of her own grave.

Buffy?

Buffy, it's Xander.

We're sorry.

We didn't know.

Buffy!

You aren't reaching her.
She's too traumatised.

Hey, Buffy.

Here's some news that might perk you up.
Xander and I have an announcement.

- Anya!
- What? I'm just trying to help.

Buffy... It's gonna be all right.

We brought you back.

You're home now.

Yeah. That's it.

You're home.

Yeah. Welcome home, Slayer.

Alive and kickin' after all!

Well, alive, anyway.

(muffled) Not lookin' too good, though.

I don't see you winning any beauty contests.
Unless "Miss My-Face-Fell-Off" gets goin'.

Big axe you got there.

The better to cut you down to size, Grandma.

Incendere.

Ah.

- So you got a witch in the mix.
- More than one.

I happen to be a very powerful man-witch myself.

Or... male...

Is it a warlock?

Warlock.

Plus, we have a slayer here, who might
actually be looking to eat some brains,

so... I think a little quiet moseying,
no hard feelings,

and I'm sure your demon horde
won't think any the less of you.

Now, my boys... see, that's tricky.
They came lookin' for a massacre,

and I think you got exactly enough
magic between you

for a kiddy birthday party.

- Then you'd be wrong.
- Whoa.

Well, I'd better back off, or you might what?
Pull a rabbit out of a hat?

- Don't do that! Why would she do that?
- Look...

We don't want trouble. You don't want trouble.

Of course we want trouble, we're demons.

We're really all about trouble.

Not this kind.

Oh. I get your point.

Now, let me tell you somethin', children.
We're not gonna fight you.

We're just gonna hold you down
and enjoy ourselves for a few hours.

You might even live through it.

Except that certain of my boys
got some anatomical incompatibilities

that... tend to tear up little girls.

So, who wants to go first?

I was really hoping it'd be you.

Does this mean we win?

There. What's that?

It's just a machine, Dawn.

I know.

Dawn.

You're my sister Dawn.

Where did I go?

What?

Where did I go?

I was here.

Here.

But then I ran away.

- I... I don't...
- No.

Not me.

The other Buffy.

Yes. The other Buffy.

Buffy?

I don't...

I don't know where she ran off to.

Maybe...

Look what those filthy buggers done to you.

Willow's slap-and-paste job's not
gonna do the trick this time. Robot's done.

Hey? Little Bit?

Dawn!

Dawn!

Well, they wanted a massacre.

She's Buffy. She's herself again.

You're back, Buff, you really are.

Whoa. Whoa.

Buffy!

- Where's she going?
- Should we follow her?

- I don't know.
- She just... needs some time, is all.

The important thing is that she's back.
She'll be fine.

Xander, look out!

Now, what kind of slayer is it runs out
on her buddies just when they need her the most?

Obfusce.

Fragilis.

So, witch, got a little power after all.

Well, let's see what tricks you can
manage while I choke the life outta ya...

Tara!

Nobody messes with my girl.

- Tara, nice axing.
- My first.

Buffy.

Buffy... no.

Dawnie, I have to.

Buffy?

Buffy.

Buffy.

How...?

Is it you?

I mean, really?

What are you...?

No!

Don't!

Don't jump, Buffy. Don't move.

Just walk to me.

Please.

Please?

I'm your sister... Dawn.

We were up here... together,
and then... you went away.

And you don't wanna do that again.

I don't know how you're back,

but you are.

And, please, just stay still.

Or move. But towards me.

Because the tower was built by crazy people
and I don't think it's holding up very well.

Talk to me.

Say something!

Is... this Hell?

What?

Is this Hell?

No!

Buffy, no!

You're here... with me.

Whatever happened to you,

whatever you've been through...
it's... it's over now. You're...

We have to get off of this tower!

It was so clear... on this spot.

I remember...

how... shiny...

and clear everything was.

But...

now...

now...

Buffy.

Please. Listen to me.

You told me I had to be strong...

and I've tried.

But it's been so hard without you.

I'm sorry.

I promise I'll do better. I will!

If you're with me.

Stay with me.

Please.

I need you to live.

Live! For...

Buffy!

- Dawn.
- Buffy!

Dawn!

Buffy?

Buffy.

You're...

you're... you're really here.

You're alive, and you're home.

You're home.