Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1996–2003): Season 5, Episode 7 - Fool for Love - full transcript

Spike. Known
as William the bloody.

Earned his nickname by torturing
his victims with railroad spikes.

Spike has fought two slayers in the last
century, and he's killed them both.

I can't bite anyone.
I can't even hit people.

I've got this cute little
government chip in my head.

She's everywhere.
She's haunting me.

Buffy, I love you.
God, I love you so much.

Oh, god, no.

I need to know more about where I
come from, about the other slayers.

Maybe if I can learn to control this thing,
I could be stronger, I could be better.

You know, it's probably none of my
business, but I just gotta ask.



Did you smell this bad
when you were alive?

'Cause if it's a postmortem
thing, then, boy, is my face red.

But, just so you know,

the fast-growing field of personal
grooming's come a long way...

Since you became a vampire.

You're goin'?

But you were having
so much fun a minute ago.

Hey, what happened?

I can't believe
I passed out.

Do you think I'm a total wuss now?
Oh, yeah.

I like a girl who can play a few hard
sets of tennis with a major stab wound.

You said
it wasn't that bad.

I said I've seen worse.
There's a difference.

Well, at least no major
organs got kabobed.



I still think you need
to see a real doctor.

That would put me in a real hospital, which
would get my real mom real freaked out.

I can't do it. Don't worry.

Accelerated healing powers
come with the slayer package.

And the boyfriend who comes complete
with combat medical training?

That's just
a Buffy summers bonus.

So, tell me about the bad guy or guys.
What do you think they were?

Vampire.
How many?

One.

So, what, he was like
a super vampire or something?

No. He was the regular kind.

He just beat me.

That ever happen before?

I'm in the best
physical shape of my life.

- I mean, if you're asking
how it happened, I don't...

- dawn!
- Sorry to interrupt the sex-capades.

I just wanted to tell you
that mom's coming.

Hi, Riley.
Hey, Ms. summers.

How are you feeling?
I'm fine,

bordering on chipper, and tomorrow,
planning on being obnoxious.

Glad to hear it.

Buffy, when you have a minute, I'd like to
go over the grocery list for next week.

- You got it.
- Are you disinfecting something?

- Hmm? Oh! Uh...
- Mine.

Uh, some nail Polish experiments
are doomed before they even begin.

But you keep pushing
the envelope, honey.

Did I just pull a slayer-related
mom cover-up thing?

- Come on. Who's the man?
- You are.

A very short,
annoying man.

If I show you something,
you promise you won't tell?

Oh, cool!

I-I mean, gross.
And mom cannot know, okay?

You'll help me with
the household stuff?

Oh, sure. I save your butt, and
you dump all your chores on me.

Dawn.

I got it.
You're covered. We're good.

Just lucky
it's not bikini season.

So, dawn takes household duty.
I'll take tonight's patrol.

By yourself?
Just a sweep.

Do me a favor.
You take the gang along with?

Okay. I will patrol
with the group tonight.

- When do I get to patrol?
- Not until you're never.

What's with the hand move?
You see that?

- Does that, like, mean something?
- It's code.

I think it breaks down
to "choo choo"!

It probably means
to follow him.

That, or wait here
for him.

Ask.

Hey, Riley!

- What's the, uh... all about?
- It means yell real loud,

so the vampires who don't know we're
coming will have a sporting chance.

See? Now he's all
mad and sarcastic.

It's because you were doing all the yelling,
Mr. stealthy pants. It's their fault.

Guys, I'm thinking if we split
up, we could cover more ground.

Tell you what. I'll take the cemeteries.
You guys get the bronze.

Are we not being covert enough?
We're sorry!

Sorry.

We'll be sneakier. Promise.

Okay. Just ditch the chips
and watch my back.

Done.

You know what he's like?
He's like a cat.

You know, a big jungle cat.
How come I'm not like that?

It's just so cool.

I think you're cool.

Here's another one.
Early 18th-century slayer.

Good. Let's hope she'll be
more helpful than this last one.

- Why? What does it say?
- Same as all the others.

Slayer called, blah, blah.
Great protector, blah, blah.

Scary battles, blah, blah.
Oops! She's dead.

- Where are the details?
- Details?

Well, it says this slayer
forged her own weapons.

Gotta love a gal
with an anvil.

But where are the details
of the slayer's last battle?

You know, what made
that fight special?

Why did she lose?

- You didn't lose last night, Buffy. You just...
- got really close.

I slipped up, Giles.

I've been training harder
than ever, and still...

And there's nothing in any of these
books to help me understand why.

I mean, look.

I realize that every slayer comes with
an expiration mark on the package.

But I want mine to be
a long time from now,

like a chee-to.

If there were just a few good descriptions
of what took out the other slayers,

maybe it would help me
to understand my mistake,

to keep it
from happening again.

Yes, well, the, uh,
the problem is...

That after
a final battle,

it, uh, it's difficult
to get any, um...

Well, the slayer's not...
She's rather, uh...

It's okay to use
the "d" word, Giles.

Dead, and hence,
not very forthcoming.

Why didn't the watchers keep Fuller
accounts of it? The journals just stop.

I suppose if they're anything like me, they
just found the whole subject too, uh...

Unseemly?

Damn. Love ya, but you watchers
are such prigs sometimes.

Painful,
I was gonna say.

But you're right. The accounts of the
final battles would be very helpful,

but, uh, there's no one
left to tell the tales.

What?

Ow! Wait. Not "ow."

Are you feeling all right, slayer?
This stuff usually hurts.

Don't even start, spike.
What do you want?

Slayers.
You killed two of them.

I did.

You're gonna
show me how.

You know, there are quite a few American
beers that are highly underrated.

This, unfortunately, is not one of them.
Update, spike.

We're not here to discuss
the fine choice of hops.

It's about two slayers, one in China during
the boxer rebellion, one in New York.

Both got killed by you.

Tell the tale, you get the cash.
Right.

You want to learn all about how I bested
the slayers, and you want to learn fast.

Right, then. We fought.
I won. The end. Pay up.

That's not what i...
What did you want, eh?

A quick demo? A blow-for-blow description
you can map out and memorize?

It's not about
the moves, love.

And since I agreed to your little
proposition, we're gonna do this my way.

Wings.

- What?
- Spicy buffalo wings.

Order me up a plate.
I'm feeling peckish.

Excuse...

As I thought earlier...

Some nasty thing
got a taste of you.

Don't get all excited.
I'm fine.

Oh, right. Stuck in a dark corner
with a creature you loathe,

diggin' up past uglies,
'cause you're "fine."

Just tell me what I want to know.
I told you.

No one's narrating
on an empty stomach here.

Were you born
this big a pain in the ass?

What can I tell you, baby?

I've always been bad.

♪♪ Luminous.
Oh, no, no, no, no.

You're-you're radiant.
That's better.

Care for an hors d'oeuvre, sir?

Oh, uh, quickly.

I'm the very spirit
of vexation.

What's another word
for "gleaming"?

It's a perfectly perfect
word as many words go,

but the bother is
nothing rhymes, you see.

Cecily.

I merely point out that
it's something of a mystery,

and the police should
keep an open mind.

Ah, William!
Favor us with your opinion.

What do you make of this rash of
disappearances sweeping through our town?

Animals or thieves?

I prefer not to think of such
dark, ugly business at all.

That's what
the police are for.

I prefer placing my energies into
creating things of beauty. I see.

Well, don't withhold, William.

Rescue us from
a dreary topic.

Careful!

The inks are still wet. Please,
it's not finished. Don't be shy.

"My heart expands,
'tis grown a bulge in it,

inspired by
your beauty effulgent."

Effulgent?

And that's actually one
of his better compositions.

Have you heard?

They call him "William the bloody"
because of his bloody awful poetry.

It suits him!

I'd rather have a railroad
spike through my head...

Than listen to that awful stuff!

- Cecily?
- Oh!

Leave me alone!

Oh!

They're vulgarians.

They're not
like you and I.

You and I?

I'm going to ask you
a very personal question.

And I demand
an honest answer.

Do you understand?

Your poetry, it's...

They're...

Not written
about me, are they?

They're about how I feel.

Yes, but are they
about me?

Every syllable.

Oh, god!
Oh, uh, I know.

It's sudden, and...

And, please, if they're no good,
they're only words, but...

The feeling behind them...

I love you, Cecily.

Please stop!
I...

I know I'm a bad poet,
but I'm a good man.

All I ask is that...

Is that you try to see me...
I do see you.

That's the problem.

You're nothing
to me, William.

You're beneath me.

Watch where you're going!

And I wonder what
possible catastrophe...

Came crashing down
from heaven...

And brought this
dashing stranger to tears?

Nothing.

I wish to be alone.

Oh, I see you.

A man surrounded by fools who
cannot see his strength,

his vision,

his glory.

That, and burning baby fish
swimming all around your head.

Uh, that-that's
quite close enough.

I've heard tales
of London pickpockets.

You'll not be getting
my purse, I tell you.

Don't need your purse.

Your wealth...

Lies here and here,

in the spirit and...

Imagination.

You walk in worlds the others
can't begin to imagine.

Oh, yes!

Uh, I mean no.

I mean, uh,

mother's expecting me.

I see what you want.

Something glowing
and glistening.

Something...

Effulgent.

Effulgent.

Do you want it?

Oh, yes.

God, yes!

Ow! Ow!

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Guys.
What you got?

That's him.

Let's go.

I just ripped into her. Yeah.

I stabbed her
and she was, like...

It sounds like
a party in there.

Forget about crashing.
There's too many of them.

We'll come back at daybreak when they're
asleep, and we're better armed.

It's okay. We can kill them
just as dead in the morning.

Nine in the corner.

So you traded up on the food chain.
Then what?

No, please.

Don't make it sound like something you'd
flip past on the discovery channel.

Becoming a vampire is a profound
and powerful experience.

I could feel this new
strength coursing through me.

Getting killed made me feel
alive for the very first time.

I was through
living by society's rules.

Decided to make
a few of my own.

Of course,
in order to do that...

I had to get myself a gang.

Perhaps it's my advancing years that
makes me so forgetful, William.

Remind me.
Why don't we kill you?

Spike...
What's that?

It's spike now.

You'd do well
to remember it, mate.

I'm not your mate, and when did
you start talking like that?

We barely got out of London
alive because of you.

Everywhere we go,
it's the same story, and now...

You've got me and my women hiding
in the luxury of a mine shaft.

All because William the
bloody likes the attention.

This is not
a reputation we need.

Oh, I'm sorry. Did I Sully
our good name? We're vampires.

All the more reason to use a
certain amount of finesse.

Bollocks! That stuff's for the
frilly cuffs-and-collars crowd.

I'll take a good
brawl any day.

And every time you do,
we become the hunted.

I think our boys
are going to fight.

The king of cups
expects a picnic,

but this is not his birthday.
Good point.

Yeah. You know what I
prefer to being hunted?

Getting caught.

That's brilliant strategy,
really. Pure cunning.

Sod off!

Come on. When was the last
time you unleashed it?

All-out fighting a mob,

back against the wall,
nothing but fist and fangs?

Don't you ever get tired of
fights you know you're gonna win?

No. A real kill, a good kill,
it takes pure artistry.

Without that,
we're just animals.

Poofter.

Now you're gettin' it!

You can't keep this up forever.

If I can't teach you, maybe
someday an angry crowd will.

That...

Or the slayer.

What's a slayer?

After that,
I was obsessed.

I mean, to most vampires,

a slayer was this object of cold
sweat and frightened whispers...

But I never hid.

Hell,
I sought her out.

If you're looking for fun, there's death,
there's glory, and sod all else, right?

I was young.
So, how'd you kill her?

Funny you should ask.

Lesson the first...

A slayer must always
reach for her weapon.

I've already got mine.

Hmm.

Good thing too.

Become a vampire,
you've got nothing to fear.

Nothing but one girl.

That's you, honey.

Back then,

it was her.

Just like I pictured it.
This good for you?

I'm sorry, love.

I don't speak Chinese.

A fella could
get used to this.

Oh, spike.

Look at the wonderful
mess you've made.

That's a slayer
you've done in.

Naughty, wicked spike.

You ever hear them say...

The blood of a slayer
is a powerful aphrodisiac?

Here now...

Have a taste.

Wonderful.

So where have
you two been?

May I tell?
No need to be humble.

My little spike just
killed himself a slayer.

Congratulations. I guess
that makes you one of us.

Don't be so glum, mate!

The way you tell it, one slayer
snuffs it, another one rises.

I figure there's a new chosen one
gettin' all chosen as we speak.

I'll tell you what. When and
if this new bird does show up,

I'll give you
first crack at her.

I smell fear.

Yeah. This whole
place reeks of it.

It's intoxicating.

Let's get out of here. This
rebellion's starting to bore me.

That was the best
night of my life.

And I've had some sweet ones.

What are you lookin' at?

You got off on it.

Well, yeah. I suppose
you're telling me you don't?

How many of my kind
reckon you've done?

Not enough. Mm-hmm. And
we just keep coming.

But you can kill a hundred, a
thousand, a thousand thousand,

and the armies of hell besides,
and all we need...

Is for one of us...
Just one...

Sooner or later to have the
thing we're all hoping for.

And that would be what?

One good day.

Hey! You asked,
and I'm tellin'.

The problem with you, summers,
is you've gotten so good,

- you're starting to think you're immortal.
- Not really.

I just know
I can handle myself.

Oh. Then how do you
explain this?

- Ow!
- Oh, god!

So that's it?
Lesson over?

Not even close.

Come on.

Killed with her own weapon.

They ought to put this
in a museum.

You know what they put
in museums?

Mostly dead things.

Give it to me.

What?

Lesson the second...
Ask the right questions.

You want to know
how I beat 'em?

The question isn't
how'd I win?

- The question is why'd they lose?
- What's the difference?

There's a big
difference, love.

How'd you kill
the second one?

Hmm? A bit like this.

- That didn't hurt?
- I knew I couldn't touch you.

If there's no intent
to hurt you,

then that chip they shoved
up my brain never activates.

If, on the other hand...

See, now that hurt.
Yeah?

This hurt too?

Definite pain there.

How'd you kill them, spike?

You're not ready to know.
I'm ready.

Okay, then.
Went like this.

The first one was all
business, but the second,

she had a touch
of your style.

She was cunning,
resourceful...

Oh, and did I mention... hot?

I could have danced
all night with that one.

You think we're dancing?
That's all we've ever done.

The only thing
about the dance is...

You never get to stop.

Every day you wake up, it's the same
bloody question that haunts you...

Is today the day I die?

Death is on your heels, baby,

and sooner or later,
it's gonna catch you.

And part of you wants it...

Not only to stop
the fear and uncertainty,

but because you're just
a little bit in love with it.

Death is your art. You make it
with your hands day after day...

That final gasp,
that look of peace.

Part of you is desperate
to know... what's it like?

Where does it lead you?

And now, you see,
that's the secret.

Not the punch you didn't throw
or the kicks you didn't land.

She merely wanted it.

Every slayer...

Has a death wish.

Even you.

The only reason you've lasted
as long as you have...

Is you've got
ties to the world...

Your mum, brat kid sister,
scoobies.

They all tie you here, but you're
just putting off the inevitable.

Sooner or later...

You're gonna want it.

And the second...

The second that happens,

you know I'll be there.

I'll slip in.

Have myself a real good day.

Here endeth the lesson.

I just wonder if you'll
like it as much as she did.

Get out of my sight,
spike, now.

Oh, did I scare you?

You're the slayer.
Do something about it. Hit me.

Come on. One good swing.
You know you want to.

I mean it. So do I. Give it
to me good, Buffy. Do it!

Spike.

What the hell
are you doing?

Come on. I can
feel it, slayer.

You know you want to dance.

Say it's true.

Say I do want to.

It wouldn't be you, spike.

It would never be you.

You're beneath me.

Spike, what are you doing?

Beneath me.
I'll show her.

Put her six bloody
feet beneath me.

Hasn't got a death wish?

Bitch won't need one.

Okay, I'm trying
to be supportive here,

so don't drive a stake through
my heart like last time, but...

You can't kill Buffy.

She's the slayer.
She is so gonna kick your ass.

I've got two barrels here
that'll prove you wrong.

I knew you'd
take this personally.

You are so sensitive.

How are you gonna
kill her? Think!

The second you even
point that thing at her,

you're gonna be all...

And then you'll get bitch slapped
up and down main street,

unless she's had enough and
just stakes you. Sure.

It'll hurt like hell
for about two hours.

But she'll be dead just
a little longer than that.

Fine! But don't come
crying to me when you fail!

You couldn't kill her before you got
the chip. You had plenty of chances!

Why can't you kill her?

You're the one who
keeps bringing her up!

I haven't said a word about the bloody
slayer since we left California.

She's on the other side
of the planet, dru!

But you're lying!

I can still see her
floating all around you,

laughing.

Why?

Why won't you push her away? But
I did, pet. I did it for you.

And you keep
punishing me,

carrying on with
creatures like this.

Okay. Uh, you guys obviously
have a thing going on here.

I have to find
my pleasures, spike.

You taste like ashes.

So this is
my fault now?

I-I didn't know
she was seein' somebody.

I-I should take off.

Yeah.
Why don't you do that?

You can't
blame a girl, spike.

You're all covered with her.

I look at you...

All I see is the slayer.

Hey, I put together
that grocery list for you.

Oh, great. Thanks, hon.

- Are you okay?
- I'm fine.

Have you seen
my conditioner?

Did you look
under the sink?

Where are you going?

Oh. I was hoping
to put this off, but, um,

you know the "nothing" that I've been
dealing with the last couple of weeks?

It might not be nothing.

What is it?

I'm, uh, staying overnight
at the hospital for observation.

I'm getting a cat scan.

It's only one night.

And they say even if
there is something,

it's still very early
if they didn't see it before.

I'm gonna be fine.

I know you will.

What do you want now?

What's wrong?

I don't want to talk about it.

Is there something I can do?

Grr! Arrgh!