Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1996–2003): Season 5, Episode 4 - Out of My Mind - full transcript

Buffy's like nobody else
in the world.

But she doesn't love me.

Previously on
Buffy the vampire slayer.

What have you done to me? Professor
Walsh implanted the behavior modifier.

- [ Riley ] The chip in my head.
- Actually, the chip is here,

tied directly into your central nervous
system through the thoracic nerve.

- What's happening to me?
- Engelman said Walsh was feeding you drugs.

Something's crawling inside.

I don't want to think
about the damage

our guys could do
under the stress of withdrawal.

Buffy, if you're going out,
why don't you take your sister?



Mom!
Mom!

Nobody knows who I am.
Not the real me.

No one understands.

No one has an older sister
who's a slayer.

Riley? Buffy. What
are you doing here?

My job. Well, I just thought
you were in the north sector.

Watch out!

Never mind.

Why do I even
bother to show up?

Spike, what are you doing here?

Same reason as you and your
cub scout here, I wager.

Wanted a spot of violence
before bedtime.

What?
I softened him up.

You better keep out of my way, spike.
I'm not gonna take this much longer.



And I should do what with my spare time?
Sit at home knitting cunning sweater sets?

Would it keep you out of my way?
She's right.

You shouldn't be out here
when she's patrolling.

Oh! I saw that.

Looks like neither boy
is entirely welcome.

You should take him home,
slayer, make him stay there.

I've got knitting
needles he can borrow.

Spike, I just saw you taste your
own nose blood. You know what?

I'm too grossed out to hear
anything you have to say. Go home.

It's blood.
It's what I do.

Hey, hope I didn't get in the way.
Of course not.

I was just startled, and you
know I don't love the idea...

Of you
patrolling alone.

Not much for benchwarming.
No. You made the squad.

You threw that vampire like he was
a teeny-weeny little vampire.

Hey, you want to go again? Come on.
I bet this place is just teeming...

With aerodynamic
vampires.

Nah. Unless you want to go back
and kill spike for the fun of it.

I will know
your blood, slayer.

I will make
your neck my chalice...

And drink deep.

Ow!

You can't
possibly be arguing...

That Marat didn't betray
the French revolutionaries.

This was the guy who
declared the rights of man,

and then the next thing you know, he's killing
girondin like it's going out of style.

Wil, you're totally missing my point. Now,
I agree that Marat wasn't a real martyr.

But the death in the tub,
the neck wound,

all that blood... just a little
more fangy than knifey.

And Charlotte Corday wasn't a
real martyr either... Buffy.

What? Listen to us.
We're arguing.

We're having a debate
about a college lecture.

I have dreamt of this day
since... forever.

You are turning into
quite the student.

Should I be watching
my occipital lobe?

Your what?
Occipital.

The lobe in the back of your brain. You
know, like, should I be watching my back?

But, you know,
the back of your brain.

Apparently not.
Don't worry, wil.

You still wear
the smarty-pants in the family.

I don't know. You've been studying
really a lot. I'm trying.

They're already piling on all
the reading, and Giles fills...

Any free time I have
with extra training.

I'm starting to think
this working hard is hard work.

Isn't it crazy like that? I thought
it was gonna be like in the movies.

You know,
inspirational music, a montage,

me sharpening my pencils,
me reading, writing,

falling asleep on a big pile of
books with my glasses all crooked...

'cause in my montage,
I have glasses...

But real life is slow, and it's
starting to hurt my occipital lobe.

Oh. Poor Buffy's brain.

Actually, I'm heading to training
right now. You want to come with?

I'm in. Maybe we can argue some
more about the French revolution.

Hey! Wasn't that Robespierre
the coolest?

Robespierre? You're
kidding me, right?

I'm just
gettin' it goin'.

It seems the plans
worked perfectly.

Yeah, blueprints.
Not a bad idea.

That and getting straight,
"measure twice, cut once."

You know, for the longest time,
I had it backwards. Messy.

Well, I must say,
I'm very impressed.

Yeah, carpentry is pretty cool.

Oh! Who put the monkey head
near the Styx water?

Do we want to pick exploded
monkey out of our hair?

Trick or treat. Hi, you two.
Come on in.

Thank you, kind proprietor.
Hey, you.

Hey! Oh, wow.
This place looks great.

Oh, I feel like a witch
in a magic shop.

Oh. Are these
real newt eyes?

No. Too rich for my blood,
I'm afraid.

No, these are salamander eyes.
It's the cataracts...

Which give them their
newt-like appearance.

They're really
equally effective though.

It's just a matter
of overcoming snobbery.

I'm tellin' you, Giles.
You gotta set up a blind taste test...

And prove once and for all that generic
amphibian eyeballs are just as good.

I don't know. If you ask me, the
newt name still means something.

You ready to train?
You betcha.

Shall we then?
We shall then.

I just keep thinking
how cool it would be...

If we got a real psychic to sit up
here and read fortunes and stuff.

You should do it.

Not me, but I'd love to watch and learn
from someone who's really good, you know?

You're really good.

I'll prove it.
Here. Do me.

Hmm.
What do you see?

Willow hand.

Ow! Riley!

Just keeping you on your toes.
Or off them, as it were.

What got into...

Oh, my god.
Look at this place.

Thank you. Thank you so much.
It's just a start.

You need a proper space
to train, so... i love it.

So come on. Let's test this puppy out.
Think you can take me?

What's the matter? Afraid
of a little competition?

This must've been
so much work.

I'm the dummy man.
I mean, I made the dummy...

The thing that you hit that doesn't
hit back... that, uh, I made.

It's great.
It's all great.

Well, you've earned it. Truly.
Thank you, guys, so much.

You're like my fairy
godmother and Santa Claus...

And "q" all wrapped up
into one.

"Q" from bond,
not Star Trek.

I'm gonna go change.

Oh, pacey!

You blind idiot. Can't you
see she doesn't love you?

Well, well, well. Lookee here.
Is it safe?

Has Buffy
gotten to you yet?

I saw her patrolling
just now... with a stake.

She won't give up until
she's killed me to death.

Buffy's looking for you?
Of course.

That's why
I'm on the lam.

Didn't you hear? I'm
totally her arch Nemesis.

Is that right?
I must've missed the memo.

There was a mem...
Spike, oh, my god!

This is, like,
a real emergency.

I need a hideout so bad.
You're my only hope.

We're just gonna have to rise
above our petty differences.

Listen, spike.
I'm desperate.

Desperate, are you?
Come on, spike.

Pretty please?

I'll do anything.
Anything, will you?

Yeah. I said
I'll do anything.

Oh.

You mean, will I
have sex with you?

Well, yeah.

Taking up smoking,
are you?

I am a villain,
spike. Hello.

I guess you are at that...

What with the slayer
on your tail and all.

She's not the type to give up either.
She'll hunt you down, day and night...

Till you're too tired and
too hungry to run anymore.

And then...

Then, that is you.

I guess you're gonna
have to kill her.

I tried.
It was all hard and stuff.

You do it.
I'd love to.

But I can't, remember?

I've got this cute little
government chip in my head.

All right. Guess it'll
have to be me after all.

Can you help
with the thinking?

Yeah, I suppose
I could do that.

Mmm.
Yeah.

Mmm.
That was relaxing.

You, uh, want to relax some more?
Again?

Right away again?

Maybe you're too tired. Hey, I
have the endurance of 10 men.

Let's make it women, okay?
Just for the imagery.

Whatever. You know, it takes
a lot to wear me out.

Mmm, I love a challenge. Mmm.

Well, wouldn't you? Every kid
tries to make the substitute cry.

It's like a rite of passage.
I certainly would not.

Being a substitute is an extremely
difficult job. Besides...

Honestly, dawn. How many bowls of
cereal are you planning on eating?

Oh, these aren't
for eating.

I'm just trying to get the extra
out of the way, so I could...

Get this.

Anyway, I want eggs.

You want the cereal prize, but
you don't want the cereal.

You are growing up. All righty.
Half an omelette coming up.

Oh, um, with ketchup, if you please.
Mm-hmm.

Oh, what is the...
Who are you?

Oh!

Hey, how's mom? Are you okay?
I'm okay.

And your mom's
doing just fine.

This is Ben. He gave me his stethoscope.
Lent you his stethoscope.

Buffy, right? I'm Ben.
I'm an intern here.

I've had the pleasure of hanging out with Dr.
Dawn here while your mom's being tested.

So what's goin' on? What happened?
Well, she's doing okay now.

The doctors don't really know
what caused the collapse.

It could've just been a dizzy spell,
low blood sugar, that sort of thing.

But it's nothing bad? I mean,
it's not serious, right?

Very unlikely. So your mom doesn't
have a history of fainting?

- Not that I know of.
- She's usually really healthy.

I think they'll be running
tests for a few more hours,

and then they'll probably want her to
come back for some follow-up tests...

In a couple weeks, but it really doesn't
look like anything too serious.

Thank god.
I was freaking out.

I think you'll be able to take
her home before too long.

That's definitely
good news.

I know I'm repeating myself here, but I don't
know what else to say to convince you.

I have never, in all my years
of medicine, let a patient...

With tachycardia this
severe leave a hospital.

You said you couldn't keep me.
Legally, no.

I can't force you to do a thing,
but with that pulse, believe me,

I'd get on my knees and beg you if I
thought I could change your mind.

You can't. I'm goin' home. And your
friend here can't convince you to...

I'm going.

All right then. But you're leaving
against my recommendation.

What's going on? What are you doing?
What if you have a heart attack?

Listen to me. Calm down. Me, calm down?
I'm not the one with the pulse of 150.

My heart's different than yours, Buffy.
It works differently now, but it's okay.

But you're still a human, Riley. You
could still have a heart attack.

I'm a human who was used
as a lab rat for months.

Hi.

Hey. How are you?

Oh. Embarrassed mostly. I'm
sorry to put you through this,

but no more tests, so you can
take this pincushion home.

Yes. Let's, uh,
get out of here.

What about a crossword? Some people
say feed a cold. I say puzzle it.

Oh, no, thanks, Willow. I like chicken
fingers with mustard when I'm sick.

I know you do, sweetie.
I can make us some later.

Uh, uh-uh. You are sitting right
here on this couch today.

I feel silly lying here like a lump.
You could make a game out of it.

A very quiet game
about being a lump.

I feel fine. Honestly, I'm more concerned
about Riley than I am about me.

You shouldn't even be thinking about that. He's
not worried, so I don't think we should be.

I don't get what he's thinking.
Why isn't he worried?

Maybe he thinks his body can handle it.
He is in really good shape.

Nobody's body can handle
a heart attack. I know.

I'm sorry, Buffy. I'm trying
too hard to make it okay.

I just keep coming back
to the initiative.

It does have that icky government feel
to it. Did you know that one time,

the c.I.A. Tried to kill Fidel
Castro with a poisonous aspirin?

Dawn, please.

I know I have to do something.
I just don't know what.

Another time, the c.I.A...
Dawn!

It's important.

Tried to make Castro go crazy by
putting itching powder in his beard.

It's about the government.

Call the initiative.

If they know what's wrong
with him, they have to help.

Yeah, but call them how? First of
all, they don't exist anymore,

and secondly, they never claimed
to exist in the first place.

It's so unfair. It's like big brother
can spy on you all the time,

and the second I have something
to say, no one will listen.

Sounds more like big sister.
There has to be a way.

Like what? Take a tour
of the white house...

And pretend to get lost and look
for some door with a sign on it...

That says "secret government
monster hunters"?

If they're really spying on you all the time,
say something so you know they'll hear you.

Like sometimes, I write fake
things in my diary in case...

I gotta go.
Uh, see you guys later.

What'd I say?

Riley?

Riley's in trouble.
He needs help.

Kick it up!

Oh, kick it up!
Kick it! Go on! Go on! Go on!

Hit it!
Are you kidding?

Help.

I'm out.

Let's go.

Graham.

Riley.

Can we talk?

This is agent Goodman,
agent brown.

So talk.
What's goin' on, man?

We gotta get this
taken care of immediately.

We gotta get you into an operating room.
Very convincing.

Makes me completely want to put
myself under government control.

Please take me to where they can
make me unconscious and naked.

Hey, you think I'd pull somethin' on you?
You're still in. I'm out.

I don't know what orders you're followin'.
Oh, come on.

You know Walsh pumped all those chemicals
and crap into us. You got more than anyone.

She messed us up bad.

Now the government's knockin' themselves
out to kiss it and make it better.

Riley, I'm tellin' you. You need help.
I'm not sayin' it to trick you.

Well, maybe you even believe it.
I know it.

You don't want this.

You sure you got the fix for it?
Yeah.

We got a guy,
a doctor.

He's gonna take care of you,
and we're goin' to him now.

I'm not
givin' you a choice.

I guess you're not.

So you messed up, and he's gone, and when are
you even gonna tell me what's wrong with him?

I'm not permitted to say. Say.

Hyper-adrenal overload and a bunch of
stuff that sounds even worse than that,

and all it means is he's way stronger
than he ought to be and feeling no pain.

His heart can't take it. We've
been at him for weeks about it.

There's a specialist waiting at sunnydale
general, fourth floor, neurology.

Get Riley there, 'cause if you
don't... I'll get him there.

I'll tell the doc.

And, Buffy...
If you tell me to hurry,

I'll kick your ass.

Poor Riley. Could he simply have
gone back to his apartment?

No. He's not at his apartment.
He's not at the gym.

He's not at the library. He's gone somewhere
where he doesn't want to be found.

So, basically, he's gone awol.
Basically exactly.

Poor Buffy. Maybe he just
needs some time alone.

Like, I had this friend once
who really liked this girl,

and he got all worried that
maybe she didn't like him back,

and maybe that made him
act like a total jerk.

Maybe Riley reminds me of that friend.
What are you talking about?

Then again, maybe not. Maybe
he just wants attention.

Well, here's a hot tip. If you want attention,
be there so people can give it to you.

I care about you,
Xander.

Thanks.

Don't be insecure.
Thanks. I won't.

'Cause I also have this "friend," and
I have it on really good authority...

That she really likes that guy, your
friend, and by the by, my friend...

You guys, enough! Okay, Riley
is in real danger here.

Anya, Xander, why don't
you guys check the docks?

Aye, aye.

Tara and I can scope out the burned-out
school. Riley hid there once.

Maybe he feels
it's homey or something.

Homey.

You know what else he might find homey
in a dank, unpleasant, evil sort of way?

The initiative caves, but I
don't know them too well.

We do have an associate who knows those caves
like the back of his melanin-deprived hand.

I so don't want to deal
with spike right now.

The guy is really starting
to bug me in that special...

"I want to shove something wooden
through his heart" kind of way.

He does seem
extra twitchy lately.

Maybe the whole "not
killing" is gettin' to him.

Plus, hanging out all day
in that moldy crypt.

You just know he's
doing something nasty.

Okay. Is it bigger
than a bread box?

No. Four left. So it's
smaller than a bread box.

No. Only three.

Harmony, is it
a sodding bread box?

Yes! Oh, my god.
Someone's blondy bear...

Is a 20-question genius.

She's found me.

I've got a proposition for you.
Funny.

I've got a proposition for you... what
about knocking? Seems only fair.

Since we vamps can't enter your flat
without an invite, you could at least...

Say, look at those pretty pieces of paper.
Riley's sick with some...

Initiative thing, and he's missing.
He might be in the caves.

Find him, bring him to the
fourth floor of the hospital.

Their doctors get to him
in time, you get the cash.

Oh, dear. Is the enormous
hall monitor sick?

Tell me, is he gonna die? He is
not the only person that can die.

Hey, I'm just sayin', if it's
really that important to you,

I think
I'll get half now.

So? What'd she say about me?

Any word? They'll
be here any minute.

That's soon enough, right? I
mean, if we bring him in now?

I'll be honest. I'm not
sure it's soon enough...

If you brought him
in yesterday.

Finally.

You got yourself
a new patient, doc.

Look,
you don't understand.

This is a complicated neurological procedure,
and I've never performed it before.

Little performance anxiety,
eh, doc?

Butterflies
in the old belly?

Harm, do us a favor.

Shoot the nasty butterflies
for the good doctor.

There you go, doc.
It's not so complicated.

Just do whatever those initiative
lab monkeys did, only backwards.

This is a medical school, not
a proper operating facility.

And these instruments...

They look
pointy enough. They'll do.

You're not listening. That chip is
deeply embedded in your cerebral cortex.

Removing it could leave you
a vegetable.

That's not gonna happen, mate. See, I
have faith in your survival instinct.

Yeah, you'll have me up and
killing before the night's over.

Come on, doc. You do me right,
nothing bad'll happen to you.

Oops.

String was slippy.

Riley!

This place kind of
creeps me out.

You should've been here
when it was a school.

Riley!

Oof. Darkness.

Piles of it. We should've
brought a flashlight.

Ooh, I know. Better to light a
candle than curse the damn darkness.

A little spell.

Fiat Lux.

Whoa. There. That's better.

Riley, come on out.

How'd you do that,
with the light?

Oh, you know.
You taught me.

I taught you
teeny Tinkerbell light.

Okay, so I tinkered
with the Tinkerbell.

It was easy. And besides,
isn't this better...

Than using a flashlight
like some kind of doofus?

Riley?

Riley, answer me.

Please.

Riley?

You know, this doesn't even hurt.
Your hand is bleeding.

Don't feel a thing. This stops now.
I'm taking you to the doctor.

The one from the government, you mean? Like the
ones who did this to me in the first place?

He's the only one that understands
what's wrong with you.

He's the only one that can help.
What's wrong with me?

I'm more powerful than I've ever been, Buffy.
Most people would kill to feel this way.

Yeah, and this feeling
is going to kill you.

Riley, your body was not built for
this kind of stress. I can handle it.

This is my deal, Buffy.
Just... back off.

What is this?
What's happening to you?

I go back, let the government get
whimsical with my innards again.

They could
do anything that...

Best-case scenario... they turn me into
Joe normal, just... just another guy.

And that's
not enough for you?

It's not enough for you.

Why would you say that?
Come on.

Your last boyfriend wasn't exactly a
civilian. So that's what this is about?

You're going to die over
some macho pissing contest?

It's not about him.
It's about us.

You're getting stronger
every day, more powerful.

I can't touch you. Every day, you're
just a little further out of my reach.

You wanna touch me?
I'm right here.

I'm not the one running away.
Not yet.

So you have this
all figured out?

I'm bailing because you're
not in the super club.

It's human nature.
Don't psych 101 me.

Not now. Not after
everything that...

Nobody has ever known me
the way you do. Nobody.

I have opened up to you in ways
that I've never opened up to...

God, you're just sitting
back there...

Thinking that none of this
means anything to me.

I never said that. Because it obviously
doesn't mean anything to you.

Do you think so
little of me... Buffy.

No! No.

Do you think that I spent the last year
with you because you had super powers?

If that's what I wanted,
then I'd be dating spike.

Riley, I need you.

I need you with me,
and I need you healthy.

But if you wanna throw it all away
because you don't trust me, then...

Then I am still gonna
make you go to that doctor.

Take me to him.

We have to hurry.

Loving you is the scariest
thing I've ever done, Buffy.

I don't know why.

The doctor said
we didn't have much time.

I read in a magazine
that some women think...

A man's real sex organ
is his brain.

Yuck. No contest.
I mean, look at it.

It's so... pink
and wriggly looking.

- Can I touch it?
- No!

Oh, my god. You're awake?
Local anesthetic.

Wow, spikey.
How does it feel?

Like someone's cutting into my brain
with a knife, you silly bint.

Hmm. You know
what it means...

That he can't hurt
any living thing?

It means he can't even pick flowers.
What? Yes, I can.

Please be quiet.

Mmm. Is it supposed to do that?
Please.

For god's sake,
please be quiet.

Listen, buster, I don't see a
crossbow in your hands, okay?

Harmony, if your incessant prattling
bollixes up this operation,

I'm gonna personally yank out
your pink and wriggly tongue.

What are you looking at?

Uh-oh.
Graham? Graham?

How many fingers I got up?
Seventeen.

Hostile 17
and a blonde girl.

Spike and Harmony
together again.

Where's
Dr. Overheiser?

Spike must've
taken him.

What would spike
want with... the chip.

He's gonna force the doctor to
remove the chip from his brain.

Riley?
I'm okay. I'm okay.

We're running out of time. If we don't find
the medic soon, he's not gonna make it.

Okay. Okay. Brain surgery.

He's gonna need a medical facility.
He's gonna need equipment.

It's a big hospital. No. Uh-uh. He
wouldn't do it here. It's too risky.

We'll split up. Graham, get on the horn
or the pipe or whatever you guys get on.

I want you to check animal
hospitals, doctors' offices.

Hey, about before...
We're good.

Apologize later,
if you're not dead.

You are not going to die.

Bet you say that to all the boys.
No.

But there is one peroxided pest
whose number's up.

When I get my hands on spike, I'm
gonna rip his head off. I'm gonna...

Bathe in the slayer's blood.
I'm gonna dive in it.

Swim in it. I'm gonna
do the bloody backstroke.

I see it, spikey!
I see the chip.

T's nestled in there like pretty little
Easter egg, with our brain all around it...

Like that green, plastic, grassy
stuff, only this is more of a beige...

Would you please put out that cigarette?
It's really not allowed.

Oh, yeah? Says who?

Oh, god, sorry.
Didn't see the sign.

The chip's out.
I didn't think I could do it.

It just... it's out.

Yeah?
Yea!

- Yea for spikey!
- Right, then.

Stitch me up, doc.
Got places to go.

And slayers to kill.

Listen to me.

My stomach's growling.
I'm so starved.

I'm afraid I'm gonna have to
have me a little snack.

Oh, don't worry. I won't
fill up on the bread.

I'll still have plenty of
room for the main course.

Slayer!

Suit up, harm.

Stay here. We're gonna need you.
Buffy.

I swear I was just thinking of you. I
wanted to tell you the great news.

My head's all clear now.

No more bug-zapper
in my noggin.

Means I get to kill you.
You get to try.

Oops.

At long last.

Riley!

Riley.

A penny. I told you
I couldn't do it.

- Oh, god. Doctor!
- Doctor, we need you now!

Buffy, Buffy, Buffy! Everywhere
I turn, she's there.

That nasty little face, that
fancy shampoo-commercial hair.

That whole sodding holier-than-thou
attitude. Aren't we unholy by definition?

She follows me, tracks me down. I'm her
pet project. Drive spike round the bend.

Makes every day
a fresh bout of torture.

Spike!
You don't understand.

I can't get rid of her. She's everywhere.
She's haunting me, Harmony.

This has got to end.

All patched up.

How's it going in there?

Good.

Back to normal.

Yep.

And see?

I'm still touchable.

Give me a week or so to heal, and I'll
take full advantage of that fact.

Are you gonna be okay? 'Cause I
should really go check on my mom.

Yeah. Yeah, go ahead.
I'll be fine.

I'll talk to you later.

It's a good thing Buffy
found you when she did,

'cause you were about
to detonate big time.

Always said
she's pretty impressive.

You know, she really is.

But you know you don't belong
here, right? This town.

I mean, you're nothing here.
Hey.

What are you saying? Come on, man.
You know it's true.

There's nothing
for you here.

There's her. Okay, right.
There's her. And?

You used to have a mission, and now
you're what, the mission's boyfriend?

The mission's true love?

You belong with us.

Should've known it's you.
Been nearly six hours.

Would've been less if I wasn't
busy cleaning up your mess.

My mess? I just
borrowed the doc.

The mess is yours, slayer.
Yours and the boy's.

I'm done. Spike,
you're a killer.

And I should've
done this years ago.

You know what? Do it.

Bloody just do it.
What?

End my torment.

Seeing you every day, everywhere
I go, every time I turn around.

Take me out of a world
that has you in it.

Just kill me.

Spike, I want you.

Buffy, I love you.
God, I love you so much.

Oh, god, no.

Please, no.

Grr! Arrgh!