Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1996–2003): Season 5, Episode 2 - Real Me - full transcript

As Harmony and her vampire gang plot Buffy's demise, Dawn adjusts to life with a Slayer.

I've been going out
a lot.

Patrolling?
Hunting.

Previously on
Buffy the vampire slayer.

That's what Dracula called it,
and he was right.

He understood my power
better than I do.

He saw darkness in it.

I need to know more...

About
where I come from,

about the other slayers.

I need you to be
my watcher again.

Damn it!



You know what?
I'm sick of this crap.

I'm sick of being the guy
who eats insects...

And gets
the funny syphilis.

As of this moment,
it's over.

I'm finished being
everybody's butt-monkey.

What are you
doing here?

Buffy, if you're going out,
why don't you take your sister?

Mom!
Mom!

There is nothing but you.

You are the center.

And within you,

there is the core
of your being,

of what you are.

Find it.



Breathe into it.

Focus inward.

Let the world fall away.

Fall away.

Fall away.

Can we go now?

Nobody knows who I am.
Not the real me.

It's like nobody cares
enough to find out.

I mean, does anyone ever ask me
what I want to do with my life?

Or what my opinion is
on stuff?

Or what restaurant
to order in from?

No. Underline,
exclamation point.

Exclamation point,
exclamation point.

No one understands.

No one has an older sister
who's a slayer.

People wouldn't be
so crazy about her...

If they had to live in the same
house with her every single day.

Everybody cares
what she thinks...

Just 'cause she can do
back flips and stuff.

Like that's such a crucial
job skill in the real world.

Plus, mom lets her
get away with everything.

"Your sister's
saving the world."

I could so save the world if
somebody handed me super powers,

but I'd think of a cool name and wear
a mask to protect my loved ones,

which Buffy doesn't even.

If this town wasn't so lame, everyone
would completely know what she does.

And then I bet they wouldn't
even be that impressed,

because, like,
killing things with wood...

Oh. Scary vampires.
They die from a splinter.

So, Buffy,
what are your plans today?

Oh, actually, Giles and I are
gonna go to the magic shop...

For supplies for my new and improved
training sessions. That's great.

Oh, yeah, I'm actually... you can take dawn
shopping for her back-to-school supplies.

What?

Mom, I-i thought
you were taking me.

Well, honey, I've got
the gurion showing tonight,

and there's so much to do
to get the gallery ready.

No, but, see, mom, that
doesn't really work for me.

We're just going to the magic shop.
No school supplies there.

Yeah, mom.
I'm not going to Hogwarts.

Huh?

Geez. Crack a book sometime.
Look, I'm sure Giles...

Doesn't mind dropping you and your
sister off at the mall afterward.

Actually, he does mind.

This is supposed to be
quality watcher/slayer time.

I told you. She completely
ruined my training yesterday.

Did not. Oh, you
know you did too.

Buffy, I realize the importance
of your new slayer thing...

But I could really
use your help.

Morning, Ms. summers.
You look great.

Oh, thank you, Riley.
Suck-up.

What? It's a nice outfit.
Mm-hmm.

Besides, "I'm here to
violate your firstborn"...

Never goes over
with parents.

I'm not sure why.
Mmm.

Riley, my sister's boyfriend,
is so into her.

They're always kissing...
And groping.

I bet they've had sex.

Hey, kid.

I'm not a kid.

Well, this is a surprise
of the nicest kind.

Now it's my turn to be surprised.
I thought we had plans today.

Plans?
We planned plans?

Well, you said, uh, "come over
tomorrow and we'll hang."

And then I said,
"okay."

Not the invasion of Normandy,
but still a plan. Right.

We're not hanging today,
are we?

Giles is on his way
to pick me up.

Oh, slayer training.
Slayer shopping, actually,

but equally as important.
I have no doubt.

Okay, well, we'll hook up later.
Are you mad at me?

No, not at all. I'm plotting
your death, but in a happy way.

Good.

Now, look, Buffy, I know
what this means to you.

I think it's great that
you've got this new mission.

I'll see you tonight.
Mmm.

Bye.
See ya, kid.

I'm not a kid!

♪♪

Well, I sympathize with you,
Buffy. I truly do.

But I'm certain that Riley understands
better than anyone else...

The importance
of training.

You can't allow personal
concerns to distract you from...

Dawn, will you stop fiddling
with the radio and sit down?

I don't think Buffy's watcher
likes me too much.

I think it's 'cause
he's just so... old.

I'm not sure
how old he is,

but I heard him use the word
"newfangled" one time,

so he's got to be
pretty far gone.

There's a lot of books
on this list.

Any of them come on tape? You know, read by
George Clooney or someone cute like that?

You're entering a new realm
here, Buffy,

one for which I myself
am not entirely prepared.

Are you ready
for this commitment?

I'm just kidding.
Hey, this Betty's ready.

Color me committed.

Blast!
Put it in neutral again, huh?

I'm just not used to this
automatic transmission.

I-I loathe this just
sitting here, not contributing.

No, no, no.
It's not working out.

Giles, are you
breaking up with your car?

Well, it did seduce me, all red and sporty.
Little two-door tramp.

I don't know.
I-I'm just...

I was so at a loose end that
I-i-i found myself searching...

For some way
of feeling more...

Shallow?

Perhaps, as I am to act
as your watcher again,

a modicum of respect
might be in order.

Do I hafta?
I'm serious, Buffy.

There's gonna be far less time for
the sort of flighty, frivolous...

Hey, there's
Willow and Tara.

Ooh. They haven't seen
my new car.

Hey, Giles, sharp wheels. The
rest of the car's nice too.

Handles like a dream.
Where are you guys heading?

Magic shop. I have some
charms on back order.

Willow, hi.
Hey, Dawnie.

How's my favorite chess partner?
Still leading with your knight?

Willow's
the awesomest person.

She's the only one I know who
likes school as much as me.

Even her friends are cool.

- Hey, dawn.
- Like Tara.

She and Willow
are both witches.

They do spells and stuff, which
is so much cooler than slaying.

I told mom one time I wish they'd teach
me some of the things they do together,

and then she got really quiet
and made me go upstairs.

Huh. I guess her generation
isn't cool with witchcraft.

So Giles and I worked out a
whole schedule around school.

A block of time every day to just
focus on my new slayer training.

That's a work ethic. Buffy,
you're developing a work ethic.

Oh, no. Do they make
an ointment for that?

People gotta respect
a solid work ethic.

Look at you.
Motivated Buffy,

eager to soak up learning.

You and I are gonna have
so much fun this semester.

Yeah, that reminds me. With the
whole new training schedule,

I kinda had
to drop a class.

That's understandable. Your slayer
studies are way more important.

So I won't be taking
drama with you.

What? You have to.
You promised.

I know, but Giles said
that it just was...

The hell with Giles.
I can hear you, Willow.

Drama is just Tuesday
and Thursday afternoons.

You can blow off training Tuesday
and Thursday afternoons, can't you?

What happened to "people
gotta respect a work ethic"?

Other people, not me. There's a
whole "best friend loophole."

Shop's kinda dark. Maybe it's closed.
That's odd.

Well, I think "odd"
just got upped to "bad."

Hello?
Anyone here?

Mr. Bogarty?

The owner.
I-i come in here a lot.

Well, maybe this happened really
late at night when nobody was...

Wil?

I'm fine. I just tripped over...
Mr. Bogarty.

What... what is it? Is he okay?
It's nothing you need to see.

Dawn, go wait outside. I
don't want to wait outside!

Dawn...
Ow! That hurts!

You're hurting me.
I'm telling.

I don't have time for this.
Just do like I say and wait.

Here.

Whatcha doing?
What are you doing here?

Can't loiter.
There's no loitering.

That's why I'm a cat.

Quiet.

See, cat's in the cupboard, but
they find you there anyway.

And it hurts.

Please make it stop. Shut up!
Shut up! They'll hear you!

Buff...
Shh!

I know you.

Curds and whey.

I know what you are.

You don't belong here.

Dawn?

Dawn?

Dawn, are you okay?

Is...

Is that guy
dead in there?

Yeah.

They're gonna be a little while
longer doing the detective thing.

Best non-scoobies like you and
me stay out of their way.

Do you want
to thumb wrestle?

Okay.

Judging by the bite-fest, I'd say
it was more than one vampire.

I'd make it four
at least.

Looks like someone's
put together a new fang club.

Well, I've cross-checked
the inventory list,

and things
are definitely missing.

Mostly books, including a
treatise on the mythology...

And methodology
of the vampire slayer.

Oh, shoot.
Was that the only copy?

Come on, Buffy.
This could be very serious.

Whoever's leading
this pack of vampires...

Appears to be interested
in learning more about you.

Perhaps searching for
weaknesses or...

Good lord.
What?

Well, I had no idea
the profit margins...

On a shop like this
were so high.

Look at this.

Low overhead, out-of-state
orders, international wh...

It's no wonder there's never any
trouble attracting new owners.

Place like this is a
virtual... deathtrap?

What? Well, yes,
there is that,

but, uh, still,

location, you know,
pedestrian traffic...

So what's
the next step?

Buffy, you should begin looking
for their lair straightaway.

I'll get Riley to help me patrol.
Wait.

Aren't you forgetting something?
Impressive square footage.

You're on dawn duty.

Oh, doody. Gotta drop
my sister back at home.

My mother's
gonna kill me.

I bet the death rate
keeps the rent down.

Oh, hello. Something's been taken
from this case. Look here.

What'd they take? I should
think an item of-of value...

Or-or power,
possibly even...

A unicorn.

Ten-inch ceramic unicorn
imported from Thailand.

Was it valuable?
12.95.

Which begs the question, what
kind of an unholy creature...

Fancies cheap,
tasteless statuary?

Okay, hi. First of all, I
want to thank everybody...

For a really successful raid
on the magic shop last night.

Good job, minions.
Yes, you deserve it.

Secondly,

somebody remembered
to pick me up...

The sweetest
little unicorn.

What?

Brad. Guess someone
was feeling guilty...

For standing me up
in the tenth grade.

I-I had to
get her something.

She sired me.
Sire-whipped.

Anyway, the books you guys brought
me to help with the plan...

Well, I've been skimming through
the book jackets all morning,

and let me tell you, there's some
pretty useful stuff in there, so...

Yes, uh...
Sorry. Forgot your name.

Cyrus.

Cyrus, right.
Peaches's friend.

What's your question? Uh,
when are we gonna do it?

Ew. That's rude.
I barely know you.

And you're a Minion.

He means the plan. When
are we gonna do the plan?

Oh!

The plan. Uh, well,
first let me tell you...

I'm really psyched about it
and I hope the rest of you...

When?
Tonight!

We kill the slayer...

Tonight.
Yeah.

So not only didn't you take your
sister shopping for school supplies,

you brought her
to a murder scene.

No, I didn't bring her to it.
It just sort of came upon us.

It's not like she saw
the body or anything.

Oh, well, that makes it all
right then, doesn't it?

No, that is
not what I meant.

I asked one favor of you, Buffy...
to look after your sister.

And now you want to unload her,
so you and Riley can go out.

To patrol.
I'm working.

It's not like I want
to go to the sock hop.

I have to be at the pre-show
reception in half an hour.

- Who's gonna watch dawn?
- I don't need anyone to watch me!

Yes, you do.
Yes, you do.

Wait. So what you're saying is if I can
get an acceptable baby-sitter here...

Before you leave,
I can go patrol?

Baby-sitter? I'm 14!

I'm old enough to be
a baby-sitter.

And who are you gonna get
on such short notice?

I can take care
of myself!

Xander.
Xander?

Okay.

Dawn patrol.
Hey.

Check this out. They put cheese on
round bread. It's gonna be big.

Xander is so much cuter
than anyone.

And smarter too. He totally skipped college
and got a job working construction,

which is so kind of deep,
you know?

He builds things,
and he's brave too.

Just last week, he went undercover
to stop that Dracula guy.

Have fun. Not too much fun though.
Dawn?

- Dawn, be good.
- Oh, we will.

We're just gonna play with
matches, run with scissors,

and take candy
from some guy.

I don't know his name.

Xander treats everyone
like an equal.

He doesn't
look down on people.

Hello there, little girl.
Even when he should.

We are gonna have
fun, fun, fun.

Look, I've got monopoly, clue,
and, ooh, the game of life.

That sounds good.

Poor dawn.

She was pretty shaken up.

Well, sure.
Bloody death and stuff.

She'll be okay.
It's just...

I think it's tough for her,
not being able to...

Allowed to,
you know, help.

Help?

Out. You. You guys.
The slayer circle.

Well, Buffy doesn't
really need...

And I think
dawn's a little young.

I know.
You're right.

It's just hard,
that outsider feeling.

Tara,
you're not an outsider.

Well, yeah.
I kinda am.

No. No, you're not.

Willow, it's okay.
Where does this go?

Is somebody making you
feel uncomfortable?

Is it Xander?
It's Xander, isn't it?

Xander's a sweetie.
It's Giles!

It's 'cause he's British...

And doesn't
understand about stuff.

It's no one. You guys all just
have this really tight bond.

It's... it's hard to break into that,
and I'm not even sure I want to.

I'm sure.

You're completely
one of the gang now.

Everyone accepts that.

You're one
of the good guys.

Maybe I can talk to the rest of the
group, and we can do something.

Some kind
of scoobie initiation.

Oh! Maybe we could wear some
kind of special ring...

That identifies us as members.
I don't think so.

But maybe something like
that would be nice for dawn.

I do worry about her sometimes.
You don't have to.

She's got big sister Buffy
happily looking out for her.

So then my mom goes off on me about how
I'm supposed to watch out for dawn...

And make sure that she's shielded
from stuff that might upset her.

Like dead shopkeepers.
She didn't see him.

A foot, maybe. A dead
foot, which is bad, okay.

But, hello? I see dead
stuff all the time,

and you don't see mom
shielding me.

So you want your mother to give
you space to be a slayer...

And shield you from it
at the same time.

Thank you, logic boy. Did
I mention this is a rant?

Sense really has no place in it.
I'm getting that.

What's the deal, Buffy?
You seem really...

Oh. Trash can.

From a distance it
looked kinda... tense.

No. I was gonna say...

Brown, squat, shadowy.

Uh-uh. Back to what I was saying before
we were rudely attacked by nothing.

You seem really tense.

Yeah. There's a new
vampire gang in town.

I mean domestically tense.
You're on dawn's case a lot.

I guess. It's just...

I don't know.

I know it's always been this way.
She's the baby.

But for some reason lately,
it's just really getting to me.

I mean,
she's always around.

Well, yeah. You're
like her idol, Buffy.

Her idol?
I don't think so,

unless you like to spill things on
your idol's new leather pants and...

You know what I mean.

You have super powers
and college,

a studly
yet sensitive boyfriend.

And a pesky
life-or-death job...

That I can't quit
or even take a break from.

She doesn't get the sacrifices.
She's a kid.

And that's what bugs!
She gets to be a kid,

and she acts like it's the
biggest burden in the world.

Sometimes I would like to
just curl up in mom's lap...

And not worry about
the fate of the world.

I'd like to be the one who's
protected, who's waited on...

Hand and foot,
getting her own way,

always the favorite.
You nut.

Your mom loves you both equally.
But if I'm wrong,

I find money usually
helps tip the scale.

Slip Joyce a ten or a twenty once in a
while. Then we'll see who's the favorite.

He says I'm like a kid sister.

Here come the judge. But
sometimes when he looks at me,

I feel like he sees me
as I am...

As a woman.

Crap. Look at this.

Now I'm burdened with a husband
and several tiny pink children...

And more cash than
I can reasonably manage.

That means
you're winning.

Really?

Yes.
Cash equals good.

Ooh!
I'm so pleased.

Can I trade in
the children for more cash?

"Slayer, come out and die."

I'm waiting for you, Buffy!

I know you're in there!

What do you mean,
she's not in there?

She has to be.
I'm calling her out.

Then I bet she'll be real
sorry she missed your call.

Afraid you and your buddies are gonna have
to come back and be killed by Buffy later.

They're not my buddies.
They're my minions.

They're what now?

Minions!
You know, lackeys?

They work for me.

What's so funny?
Nothing.

What could be funny? Just, "look out!
It's the terrifying Harmony gang! Ooh!"

Stop laughing!

I just... i-i just can't
picture anyone...

Pathetic enough
to be following...

Is that Brad Konnick?
Ha!

Hey, Brad, who'd have thought when you
were beating up kids in gym class,

you'd end up
Harmony's lapdog?

Screw you, Harris.

You should know all about
being somebody's lapdog.

I hear you were a good
little puppy for Dracula.

You heard wrong.

Don't feel bad. I hear that
mind control thing he does...

Works really well on weak,
'fraidy-cat losers.

You didn't stand a chance.

Shut up!
Dawn, I'm handling this.

Shut up, Harmony!
Make me.

I'm afraid I don't feel like getting into
another hair-pulling contest with you.

You're the hair-puller,
you big girl.

Oh, yeah? Come
inside and say that.

Xander will kick your...
Dawn, no!

The invitation was for one.

Not such a pushover
anymore, am I?

Think a slayer's house would
have more weapons lying around.

I've been working out,
learning some new tricks,

honing my...

Instincts.

This isn't over, Xander!
I'll be back!

And we'll be ready for you.
Stakes, crosses,

the whole enchilada.

Buffy is not gonna
be happy about this.

Harmony...

Harmony has minions?

Yeah, that was
pretty much my reaction.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

It's just...
Harmony has minions.

And ruffles have ridges.

Uh, Buffy, there's actually a
more serious side to all this.

I sure hope so, 'cause I'm
having trouble breathing.

What is it?

Well, she did
come here to kill you.

Buffy, come on. They have
killed once that we know of.

She could be
a threat to you.

Especially now that she can enter
your house anytime she wants.

What?

Uh, yeah.
Actually, she...

Harmony kind of happened
to sort of get an invite.

You guys can't
invite her in.

I mean, only someone
who lives here can...

Where is she?

In her room. Look, I think she's
still pretty freaked out.

Dawn! Buff, it was an accident.
She didn't mean it.

Oh, well, that just makes
it okay then, doesn't it?

No, but believe me. Nobody feels
worse than her right now.

What a total disaster.

My first plan. I so
wanted it to go well.

Plus, I didn't even get to
kill stupid Xander Harris.

God, that was so embarrassing.
We'll go back later.

No. It's no good.

Buffy's gonna expect us now.
The whole surprise is blown.

Who are you
growling at?

Not me. My stomach.

If I don't eat somebody
soon, I'll get dizzy.

Let's go back to the lair. That
census taker may not be empty yet.

Not me. This night is young,
and I want some action.

Happy to oblige.

And here I thought it was
gonna be a slow night.

Step on up, kiddies.
Thrashings for all.

Stop!

Well, hello, harm.

Spikey.

I mean, spike.

Long time.
You look good.

I feel good.

I remember.

How have you been?

Not bad.

Just got a brand-new
telly in my crib, so...

Why are you
talking to him?

It's okay.
We used to go steady.

Spike, Mort. Mort, this
is... i know who he is.

He kills our kind.
Oh, yeah.

What's up
with that?

Bloke's gotta have a hobby, don't he?
Piss off, Mort.

Mort.
Just give us...

A couple minutes, okay?

He's really testy. Some of us are
thinking of voting him out of the gang.

Gang?
Oh, yeah.

I've got
my own gang now.

Is that what those circus freaks are?
Uh-huh.

I mean...
Shut up.

We're gonna kill the slayer.
Singing my song now, are you?

You should pay me royalties for that
one, or at least get your own tune.

I'm not gonna make the
same mistakes you did.

I've been doing my homework,
reading books and stuff.

What, evil for dummies?

I mean, look at you,
all puffed up and mighty,

thinking you're
the new big bad.

It's, uh...

Well, let's face it.
It's adorable.

You just can't stand the fact
that I'm my own person now.

There comes a time
in every woman's life...

When she realizes she needs
to take the next step.

I've taken it.

I've found the real me,
and I like her.

Hope you'll be
very happy together.

In the meantime, save slayer
slaying for the professionals.

You'll see.

Buffy'll be dead by sunrise.
I've got a plan.

Let me guess.

Snatch one of her friends, use him
as bait, lead her into a trap.

That sort of thing?

No.
Much, much better one.

I'm not gonna tell you.

Thought as much.
Best of luck.

Let me know how this arch villain
thing works out for you.

I'll do that.
And after Buffy is gone,

I'm gonna kill everybody in this town
that was ever mean to me... spike!

Guys, new plan.

That's a lot of weapons for somebody
you weren't sweating 20 minutes ago.

Well, that was before dawn gave
Harmony a backstage pass...

To kill us all in our sleep.
Buff, I left word with Willow.

She'll come do a return engagement
of her un-invitation spell.

She probably still has
the stuff from last week.

And bang, boom, you're back
in a fortress of solitude.

All better.
No. Not all better.

I mean, it's not like dawn hasn't grown
up in this house knowing all the rules.

Especially the biggie,
numero one-oh...

"do not invite bloodsucking
dead people into our home."

I mean, please.

I would never have Harmony
over even when she was alive.

People slip, Buffy.
Your mom did.

She invited in the mast...
Dracula in for coffee.

Well, that was different.
I mean, she...

He would...

She was lonely,
and-and...

And she didn't know
he was a vampire.

The vampire. Meanwhile, dawn
knew exactly what Harmony was...

When she rolled out
the welcome mat for her.

She's just a kid.

Will everybody please
stop saying that?

I was just a kid when
I met my first vampire,

but somehow I still managed
to remember the rules.

You had to.
It was your job.

No. No,
it was common sense.

But nobody expects even that
much from dawn, do they?

No, she has to be protected and
coddled from the big bad world.

Well, you know what?
We are doing nothing...

But turning her into a little idiot
who is going to get us all killed.

She just has
to be more careful.

Now, I can't be there to
protect her 24 hours a day.

I just can't.

Hey, don't!

Dawn!

What do you think you're doing?
Leave me alone.

I will, after you come back
inside the house. Let go of me!

No. It's not safe out here.

You got that right.

Anya!

Vampires took...

This head wound looks bad. We'd
better get her to a hospital.

They took her.
Easy, Anya. Shh.

Dawn.

Dawn?
What about dawn?

She ran out.
They took her.

Vampires.

Oh, god. Oh, god.

Uh, take care of Anya.

Buffy!

All right. Once again,
nice work, "minionators."

I'm really, really proud
of you guys.

Ah, Mort.

I trust you made our guest...
Comfortable?

You told me
to chain her to a wall.

Yeah, I know.
I'm being, you know,

sarcastic or whatever?

Anyway,
I'm feeling really good...

About this new plan, people.

I think it's a winner.
When do we eat the girl?

We don't.
Not yet.

Why not?
Because that's not the plan.

Do I have to go
over the plan again?

We use the sister
as bait.

We send Buffy a note.
More notes?

We send Buffy a note...

Telling her that if she wants
to see her sister again,

she has to come alone
to a place we choose.

She comes. We jump her.
We kill her.

So it doesn't really matter if we're
actually holding the slayer's sister.

Just as long as she thinks we
are, she'll walk into the trap.

I guess.

So it won't make any difference
if we eat the girl now.

We're not
eating the girl.

Why not? Because
that's not the plan.

Bollocks.

Gonna have to pinch me one
of those satellite dishes.

Well, speaking of dishes, to
what do I owe this unpleasant...

Ow! Bloody hell!

I don't have time for banter, spike.
Where's Harmony's lair?

Haven't seen her in months.
How should I know... ow!

Where is she? At least
lay off the nose.

Okay, okay!

Used to have a cave
in the north woods.

About 40 meters past the
overpass construction site.

Ow!

I was telling you
the truth!

I know.

They don't respect me.
They pretend they do,

but deep down
they think I'm nothing.

I mean, I'm the one
who put this group together.

Me. But they treat me
like I don't even matter.

Do you have any idea
what that feels like?

A little.

They have no idea
how much pressure I'm under.

I have to make
all the hard decisions,

and it's hard.

Excuse me.
I didn't hear anybody knock.

We've been talking it over, and we
decided we don't like this plan.

Except for Brad.
He abstained.

Oh, really? You have a
plan you like better?

We're gonna feed on the girl
and kill you.

Maybe not in that order.

I don't think I like
your attitude, Mort.

Kill him for me.

All right.
You're all on my list.

Th-this isn't fair. Okay, so
things haven't been perfect.

I just need a little more time
to grow into my leadership role.

Time's up.

T-touch me, and my
sister's gonna kill you.

Can't say
she didn't warn him.

And you didn't like the plan.

Dawn, close your eyes.

So, slayer,
at last we meet.

We've met, Harmony,
you half-wit.

I'm the half-wit?
Um, excuse me,

but look who's
fallen into my...

Trap.

Harmony, when you tried to be
head cheerleader, you were bad.

When you tried to chair the homecoming
committee, you were really bad.

But when you try
to be bad, you suck.

Buffy, watch out!

Oh, good shot, Mort. I
think you got her on the...

Um...

You are going to be in so much
trouble when we get home!

Yeah, well, I'm telling mom
you slayed in front of me.

Fine. I'll just tell her that you ran out
of the house in the middle of the night,

that you got Anya hurt, invited
a vampire in, got kidnapped...

Sorry it ran so late.

Everything go okay?

Yeah, yeah.
You know.

I got the vamps,
and we watched some TV.

Well, I know
at least one of us...

Who's supposed to be
in bed by now.

Good night.

So, how was the exhibit?
Oh, it was fantastic.

Buffy probably would have
gotten in way more trouble

than me anyway.

But I guess it was
pretty okay of her...

Not to say
anything to mom.

Anya's gonna be okay,
and Xander wasn't mad at me,

so stuff mostly
worked out.

Giles, are you sure about this?
Why wouldn't I be?

Well, aside from
the fact that...

Most magic shop owners in sunnydale
have the life expectancy...

Of a spinal tap drummer, have
you ever run a store before?

I was a librarian for years.
This is exactly the same,

except people pay for the
things they don't return.

It'll give me focus,
help increase my resources,

and it'll prevent you lot from trampling
all over my flat at all hours.

There may even be some space
for you to train in the back.

Boy, you've really
thought this through.

How bored were you
last year?

I watched passions with spike.
Let us never speak of it.

Don't break anything.

Just don't touch anything.

Not that Buffy's
really changed at all.

Like she ever would.

What you're doing right now,
not moving...

Good. Keep doing that.

She still thinks
I'm a little miss nobody,

just her dumb
little sister.

Boy, is she in
for a surprise.

Grr! Arrgh!